Category: Accepting Transvestism


Time For The Great Transvestite – Transsexual Schism

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January 24, 2022

Now I know this may cause controversy but as I wrote in a previous post there has to be a break between the Transvestite and the Transsexual.  With the growth in acceptance and rights of Transsexuals  we Transvestites are in danger of being subsumed and completely misunderstood in the great Trans debate.

At a recent dinner party with two Transsexuals I realised how big the chasm that exists between us is. I have talked in the past how I hate how Transsexuals make a beeline for me and others in bars and clubs to say ‘WTF are you doing here you are not a real woman’ This is a personal dislike. I have of several TS friends who realising their cause is in the ascendancy are now trying to dictate to so many others who do not follow their ‘norms’. For God’s sake girls live and let live and stop pushing your myopic diktats on people who are just out for a good time and allow them to express themselves in their own way. Don’t vent your frustration on others who you think queer the pitch so you can get what you want.

Steps off soapbox to take an objective view of TVs.

So let’s  get real here. For the bulk of us transvestites (as opposed to cross-dressers) being dressed is a way of  expressing an aspect of their personality in a particular way. My girlfriend who runs the dressing service Chateau Femme sees this every day. It is a kink, but not in the BDSM way, though that may be one’s bag. By kink I define it as an unconventional sexual preference or behaviour. Too much writing in the past has been about Trannies going out just to get laid and not just for some fun times expressing their identity in a particular way. Yes its overt they dont want to blend in! That being said there is a strong sexy buzz about the whole thing as I wrote in this article. But it’s a mindset, not a way to a shag. There are lots of easier ways to that than spending hours getting dressed up!

The growth of things such as Ru Paul’s Drag and many androgynous social media does blur a lot of the boundaries. A drag queen is gay (theoretically!) . A Transvestite or Tranny ( we own that word) is addicted to the look and the headspace and whatever that produces. To be honest most of us look at ourselves through rose tinted specs. What I see in the mirror is not reality, its wonderfully fake form of escapism for a short period of time. More akin to Cosplay than being a woman. A decent bit of photoshop might help, no a huge amount of photoshop helps the ‘Look At Me moment. Don’t you just love fake! By the way if you don’t see yourself as fake get a reality check. This is pure escapism.

I have written in the past about gender and sexuality being two different continuums and we TVs love to play along both, we don’t occupy one exact position we shift with the lipstick. Hence we find the amount of boxes available with which to identify far too confusing. We dont want to conform to some norm we just want to be mad. We need to express ourselves in a variety of ways . That is why it is impossible to put a finger on what motivates the average Tranny. We have so many guises and we try to push boundaries all the time.

A Transsexual has found complete identity in being a woman, not biologically, but full of so many female traits. She wants to blend into society her way.  She more than others is offended by TVs because they bugger up the position they have spent a long time trying communicate in order to be understood. But this is bigoted especially when some will not bare any form of criticism or be mimicked! You should not look like that I have had said to me on many occasions by TS’s.

TV’s have both , so called, male and femme (please not female) traits and we enjoy exploring both sides. In my case the more the difference the better. I don’t like androgyny its a cop out. I like exploring both aspects of my persona and amazed what they do to my personality, oh and my make up. For example why as soon as you are in femme mode do you raise your arms like a dog begging with a slightly limp wrist and you start waving them around like windmills and talk about yourself incessantly! Me Me bloody Me!

Stop It And Enjoy

But let’s analyse ourselves.

  • Do we think we are a woman? No we enjoy the feminine traits that remain hidden in boring male mode.
  • Do we want to live like a woman? No we enjoy the moments of total relaxation that this allows us to live in the moment. I love how I can just switch off for a few hours.
  • Do we want to blend in? Bloody hell no we want to stand out! We enjoy being different and love the buzz it gives us.
  • Do we want to pull? No I think we enjoy the attention, the admiration and the whole aspect of being chatted up (by both males and females alike) and playing sexy mind games. Sometimes this ends up in sex but unless you are gay I think its much more about the outright fun that being dressed allows.
  • Do we think we are beautiful? Oh yessir! If you saw the man before he dressed up then look at what emerges after 2 hours of ready mixed fillers, silicone implants and four layers of warpaint plus that person defining wig you would think so too. Yep rose tinted specs. We will gloss over the heavy set chin the big hands and shoulders, the walk looking like a person with 2 rolls of carpet under their arms etc. etc. etc.
  • Will this go away? Sorry but its quite a compelling drive and it may lie dormant but it keeps resurfacing from time to time. Many use it as a coping strategy that allows them to get away from life’s stresses. When the stresses go so do some of the desires to dress. Funny that!

So we have to stop hiding this side of ourselves and shying away from the expressive person we are and stand up to those who would bring us down for not being a real woman. Accept that its is a kink and to be enjoyed but not in excess and tio the exclusion of others. Be responsible
Welcome to the beginning of the end for Covid. Time to get out once again.
Tara XXX

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The Way We Are

Filed under: Accepting Transvestism, Relationships, Sexuality, Transvestite, Uncategorized — 1 Comment
January 19, 2021

Time to reboot folks. My last blog was 10 months ago as the UK went into Covid meltdown. At that time I felt I had put enough on the web about being a Tranny, and any more would just frustrate those who were denied

Decisions Decisions

the chance to dress and go out as they had done in 2019. God its 2021! The wrinkles have grown, but with a hint of a light at the end of the tunnel I thought we should all start to prepare for unleashing the Barbarian Horde (or should that be Herd?) on the public when we are finally allowed out. To that effect I am going to change the tenor of the blog whilst we are still in lockdown to look at improving our presentation to the world for the final months of confinement so that we arise phoenix like from the ashes of the anti-virus!


First however as a sort of catch up I would like to summarise where I think I am in terms of my own advice to TV’s out there with a few links to previous articles. As always please don’t treat this as a panacea for all your ills, it is purely my view on our wondrous lifestyle as I see it.
In no particular order I view our ‘current’ role in society as follows:

  1. We Are Transvestites, Trannies, TVs – the word has been bastardised by society and in particular the Americans. It has grown into an absurd abuse of the true dictionary definition which is: a person who wears the clothes of the opposite sex, that’s it! I tried to define a Transvestite here The bits that other people (particularly non-Trannies) put on top of this are not the true meaning, they are enhancements or bastardisations that somehow have become norms that most Trannies reject. Unfortunately we have been subsumed into the whole TS debate and are seen as a sub-class which is wrong as I wrote here. We are far better being defined as a fetish (read the definition) than alongside the Transsexuals . But because we find it difficult to explain why we are as we are, so its gets lost and we have become the last Taboo of society .

  2. Being A Transvestite Is A State Of Mind Not Just About The Dress – biologically I am a bloke and quite like my male side, but I have a different aspect to my personality and that is my ‘Femme ‘ (for me it’s not female) side. Firstly I feel very sexy (note not sexual as stated in this article) but more important for me is I switch off completely, relax and live in the moment, a kind of mindfulness, which in my early days of dressing I did not appreciate, then it was just a mixed up buzzy whirl.
    Now I can let go, no future plans, no problem solving no decisions to make and I find cannot cook! The bloke has been coerced into a role in society that he conforms to but it does not satisfy other aspects of his persona so the Tranny comes to save him. But you are always caught in two minds see here. You will worry where it is taking you see this article. And you worry about your sexuality see here. The problem is how deeply ingrained this is. How many of us have tried to give it up or at least said that is it . You can try to define yourself as I tried in this clumsy blog here or just accept that it is a part of you it should be welcomed and celebrated. Don’t let FEAR get in the way and causing you too much stress.

  3. Don’t Kid Yourself We Are Not Universally Accepted In Society – Far From It – bit like LBGTQ the general public has a much better acceptance of who we are than say 10 and especially 20 years ago and especially amongst the under 40’s . Acceptance though is not understanding and the older generation has a different mindset that was honed in the 70’s and 80’s when being a Tranny was a dirty word, not one of us. It still pervades and many of older Trannies are still very wary when going out for fear of rejection. Don’t let this dissuade you .That being said the actual incidence of Tranny abuse is very very limited and tends be after drink or some macho groups (both male and female) trying to show off their peers.

  4. We Do Overthink The Consequences Of Our Actions– I am at fault here. I come from a time when it was shameful to be a TV and that is ingrained into my make up, I talked about over and under thinking here. The need to dress is a very strong need as it balances up my whole person as I tried to outline in this blog . Thinking of all the negative or worst case scenarios stops us from realising our true potential, or at least realising our dreams.

  5. Being A TV In A Relationship With A Woman Is Very, Very Difficult– sorry to disappoint . Acceptance of you, admiring your look and enjoying your company is one thing, having a full blown relationship is much much harder. Because, as I said above, your mindset changes when you dress up and effectively you bring a third person into the relationship, and to be honest quite a selfish one at that. Trannies are so me, me, me. For most its such a short time that you indulge in your femme side and you want to make the most of it at the expense of those around you. Dressed sex in a relationship is so full of pitfalls there is a whole book yet to be written about itI I have tried to give some guidance on relationships here but its a tough one. Worst of all the hardest decision is to reveal your other self to your partner when you have hidden it for so long, this has to be done so very very carefully.

  6. Most Trannies Are Never Satisfied – we have so little time to be on the ‘other’ side that we are constantly trying to move things on. To do things that that little nagging voice in the back of your mind is daring you to do . My Pushing Boundaries tried to help understand this but there is nothing really new. But we have to beware that in some ways it can come to dominate your life and this is when it is getting out of control. We can go down ever dangerous paths looking for a thrill that in reality is better in your head than in the real world.

  7. We Are Very Self-Centred – Because we only let the girl out from time to time we want to make the most of it . We want admiration appreciation and sometime adoration for the work we have put into our dressing. During lockdown this has, for some, been the worst aspect of not getting out! Trannies crave attention even though they may appear very quiet and reserved. This need for attention can tend to dominate proceedings too much. I wrote an apology about how I was rude about this here but it still holds true. We are intensely introspective as its such personal thing and no two Trannies are the same. When out we can also , without realising it, become rather closed group as I said here and as such are regarded as aloof freaks by the real world. But for many of us this is a coping mechanism be it stress release, personal problems or of a sexual nature so we need it!

  8. Sexuality Will Become A Struggle For Many – I am sure that there are some Trannies who have never felt sexy dressed up, just I have never met any. The fine line between sexy and sex is very complicated and it is not clear. I would think that boy mode equals straight, femme mode raises questions as the whole gender thing raises its horns. I wrote here about this. But the problem is the two spectrums of gender and sexuality are two separate continuums (not linked) that we all moves up and down on all the time. Beware the whole Pushing Boundaries scenarios again!

So that’s my best quick summary of where these blogs are. If like me you have come to accept that is is a real part of you and its not going away then now is the time time to focus on improving who we are and that will be the focus of the next few blogs until this bloody mess comes to a close.

Happy Belated New Year.
Keep Safe Stay Home Wear Hosiery
Tara XXX

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A Celebration Of Transvestism

Filed under: Accepting Transvestism, Sexuality, Transvestite — Leave a comment
March 31, 2020
I thought in these rather dark and gloomy times it might be nice to be a bit more positive and celebrate all the pluses I have gained from being a Transvestite over the years, so here goes. Its a bit longer than the normal blog but in reality it is just a summary as the real in-depth information could take so much longer, and I will develop it over the coming weeks of isolation!
  1. Relaxation – I have come to realise that the greatest positive I have gained from dressing has been the ability to completely switch off when en femme. To me its a form of mindfulness when I can live in the moment, I call it a blonde moment, because I find it impossible, for example, to cook when dressed as this needs some forward planning! It is at times an intensely personal, selfish thing. In my early days of dressing I used to long to go out. Nowadays I enjoy evenings dressed on my own just as much. Not that I don’t like going out but an evening getting in touch with your femme side with no outside distractions allows you to pursue a myriad of ideas that you may have without anyone judging you for what you are. It allows the feminine, the sexy and the downright outrageous aspects of your personality to have full sway over what you do without incumbencies. So liberating and deeply relaxing.

  2. Stress Busting – this is closely allied to the former but it is more to do with a coping strategy. In this busy never-off society we all need to find ways to switch-off. Most of us get wound up in the stressful nature of today’s society and especially when things go wrong many of us do have ways to get away from it all. For some its exercise, others cooking, a special hobby, sport or other such activities. I found dressing as my mechanism of choice as an exhibitionist way of reducing pressure. It allows us to take the strain out of life for a short while and enjoy oneself, appreciate why we are living and indulge both the mind and body in positive things.

    I Can Get Away With It

  3. Confidence – going out in a frock and high heels is a most daunting task, even for the practiced. Admittedly you overthink things at times and that causes anxiety. But when you have done this then the more mundane things you might have thought ‘risky’ pale very rapidly into insignificance. I remember one of our girls telling us how she had landed a plane in a Force 8 gale on an aircraft carrier in a sea pitching 50 meters and that she was far more scared of going out due to its unpredictable nature. This in turn puts other risks, decisions and life changing moves into perspective. The old adage of ‘what is the worst thing that could happen’ is of paramount importance. I find that aspect brings added confidence to my life in general. Once you have faced up to many of your inner worries then other things come more naturally and you worry less about the consequences.
  4. Socialising – because of the common thing we Trannies share (dressing) I have met so many people from such a wide diversity of life that to be honest I would never really have met in boy mode. You just did not mix or go to the same places, nor meet as tolerant a group of people. TV’s  don’t have the myopia of the increasingly closed social groups fostered by Social Media. If it ain’t what I and my friends like then it ain’t for me is a regular thing we hear. Having a common pastime means you have a new bond with so many different types of people. In my group alone I have  Electricians, an Insurance Agent, several Builders, a Merchant Banker,  a conductor, Servicemen, Warehousemen, Doctors, Taxi Drivers Lawyers, Civil Servants even a Banker from Egypt. The list goes on and on and is so diverse all with one commonality, a feminine side that needs expression. This gives you a much better perspective on life and a more open attitude to society than you would have had you hunkered down with your middle class, rugger buggers at the local pub. The expression ‘we are the same but not the same comes to mind’.
  5. Relationships – without this side to me I would never have met the my partner my LOML whom I met at a Tranny event after I came back from a long sojourn in France. She runs the Chateau Femme Dressing Service (ironically never had the chance to avail myself of these facilities!) The relationship like any TV/Boy and girl one has never been perfectly smooth (or straight) even to someone who absolutely adores Trannies! We all have our foibles that are not to everybody’s taste. But through it all It has also helped me understand what people should expect in a relationship. Not something that is the ideal written about in books or magazines but a flawed thing where the partners understand each other, give each other space and don’t judge each other by what society tells them their partner should be. On top of that you have to learn to talk to each other very openly, and for a person who comes from a ‘man up’ family background and ‘keep it to yourself’ this very very difficult and will always be a work in progress.
  6. Understanding Sexuality and Gender – we all get caught up in the questions of who we are and why are we like we are. The great thing that dressing has allowed me is to accept all aspects of humanity and make me realise that to put anyone, including myself into a specific box is completely wrong. We are similar but different. Also to see sexuality as purely Hetero or Gay is also a load of bollocks. Its a continuum that we move up and down throughout at all times all of our lives. We all change according to situation, needs circumstances, appeal and most of all mindset. I appreciate that there is a biological male and female but few talk about what the mindset of a male and female is because its not so cut and dried. I have never regarded myself as Female but have a huge feminine aspect to my personality. I love the softer aspect it brings and the more flamboyant nature of exhibiting myself in ‘alternative’ look. I love the whole aspect of gender play from dressing to mindset it brings with it so many diverse options.
  7. Flirting – OK we are not meant to talk about this taboo subject but these are different times. so sod it. Yes I love the whole sexy aspect of dressing. I say to my girlfriend that I get this wonderful internal buzz from dressing that I never have in male mode and it makes me a bit flirty. In my early days this took me down some dark roads never to be walked again. But this is all part of a voyage of self-discovery. My girlfriend says it like when she was a 17 year old where everything is new and life’s opportunities open up. Things have to be explored, including far too short skirts! But flirting is such a great game, it no longer leads to a Home Run (not even base 1) but it s a great little sport that almost every Tranny enjoys. Treat it as a sport though not a way to bed. You get appreciation for how you look from women, admirers and other Trannies, we all crave a bit of that. I particularly appreciate those from women who know how long the look took me to do. Then a conversation is built on banter and sexual undertones and that creates a charged frisson in the air. Gives one a real bounce at the end of the night. But be realistic this is a kind of fantasy existence and it all comes off at midnight so don’t let the fun spoil the comedown! Its such great fun to play with the head, a ‘mind fuck’ but believe me the illusion is so much better than the reality.
  8. The Journey – as with anyone I am jealous of those who those who are just embarking on this wonderful bumpy ride. When I started the internet was in its infancy and we had little knowledge of who was out there and what they were doing. It was all too focused on sex and not the fun of what we do. The two aspects got too muddled. Now its more mainstream its not quite as ‘naughty’ as it was and is therefore more acceptable. Today information abounds and the help we can get is incredible. But the real fun is how you develop your Tranny side from dreadful make up and underwear to the beautiful phoenix that arises from so many appalling bonfire. We learn we improve we move on. This voyage of self-discovery is not all pluses, it cost me a marriage , a destruction of trust, times of shame and occasional regret. But it has also brought a greater recognition of myself, some mad sexy evenings, a better appreciation of life and finally much greater inner calm.
  9. Understanding Me Better (though not totally) – part of the fun of writing these blogs has been coming to terms with who I am rather than the person society made me become. There are various things that mold you such as age, circumstances, life changes etc. But there are also innate things within you that have as strong a hold on your person. I have realised I have two strong personas in me. The Boy/Man who has a strong, rational, planner mentality (quite OCD) and the counterbalance creative, mad OTT femme side. I think this just creates the balance that we obviously need the Yin and Yang of life. I sense that those that don’t have this balance will be quite stressed a lot of the time. Women probably have this more than men as they may feel less compelled to fit into a very restrictive mold that is given to them by their biological peers. I think we could write a bloody thesis on this subject. Suffice to say by understanding the two sides of my nature I think I am a more complete person, though I doubt my girlfriend would say that when the grumpy controlling autocrat is out!

  10. Society Has Changed For The Better – For all the faults we see in today’s society and the rose tinted older people who say ‘it was better in my day’, today s society is a much, much more tolerant, benevolent place than it was when I first started dressing. Yes there is still prejudice and wrong assumptions about, but it is far, far less than it was believe me. People, particularly the young are receptive and tolerant of other people’s quirks, as society fragments into more and more smaller tribes and groups so the ‘oddball’ is accepted and largely encouraged. I do however worry about today’s liberal left ‘Woke’ generation that is now blocking expression unless it conforms to what they think. In its turn this will come to haunt us. For the moment thank you to society…in general!

    OK Its Girls But The Thinking is there

I think this is just a starter for what has been a fantastical and fraught ride and that I will update this blog as I think up the many  new positives. I am sure for the vast majority of you who are in the closet hiding this dark secret from others this will be an incredibly frustrating time. But the reality for most of us that we are all finding it frustrating not being able to show the word the other side.
Keep your distance keep safe and see you on the other side
Tara XXX
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Over Thinking…Under Thinking

Filed under: Accepting Transvestism, Relationships, Sexuality, Transvestite — Leave a comment
March 6, 2020

You are not thinking clearly

We have a tendency to overthink many of our so called ‘problems’ related to Transvestism. In particular the idea that on every corner of every street there is someone who will ‘clock’ you in femme mode and you will be exposed to the world for the pervert you are and your whole life will be ruined. The chances are so slight. You are also wrong on 4 premises. One that people are actively looking to spot a Tranny, two you have made no effort to dress and are just a bearded bloke in a dress hence are totally reconisable, three that there are people in the vicinity that know you and four they want to make your life miserable by going behind your back!
My girlfriend who, as you know, runs the  Chateau Femme dressing service says she sees it on a daily basis. The T’s who come to see her are at times paranoid about being discovered. Frightened of photographs, a smudge on their collar or eyeliner left after the event and petrified someone is going to jump out of a wardrobe and photograph them inflagrante delicto. Though I can understand they have some worries, as I did in the early stages, some do become so frozen by their worries they cannot enjoy the moment and life becomes even more stressful. If you make the decision to do it let the fear go.
In my experience I have never, yet, been discovered in the flesh, or not to my knowledge or chagrin. And to be honest I don’t care as much as I did 20 years ago as its much more acceptable these days. If somebody spots us they tend to miscast as a TS and are worried the liberal left ‘wokes’ will view them as anti-Trans so say nothing! Such a weird society we live in!
I must say however that despite this whole tolerant, politically correct society you still have to accept that you are an aberration from ‘the norm’ and long may we be so. Embrace the naughty (OK femme) side, but beware that in some cases we tend to over or under estimate the consequences.
So lets look at the two aspects as to how we tend to over or under think things relating to Transvestism:
OverThinking
  • You are going to be discovered if you post a pic on-line – as I say to everyone if you post a pic or are part of a group pic then this is going to be broadcast into the webosphere forever. Once its gone its registered, however your chances of being recognised in your male persona are pretty close to zero. Though with Face Recognition technology improving rapidly this may become more frequent in the future. But then someone has to be quite malicious to want to do this. If you want to bugger up the technology make a minor alteration to you r face using some of the ‘beautifying’ apps such as Portrait Pro and Adobe Photoshop and if its discovered in 10 years who will care. Just take a look at all the before and after shots of Trannies and the difference is quite considerable if they go to great efforts to make-up, do the same.
  • You are going to be recognised when you are out – look at the pictures of girls pre and post transformation again, they are pretty unrecognisable even when the 2 pics are up against each other. Yes you will be seen as a TV/TS but beyond that few people stare. Look at how you look at others in a public place, we don’t look at the detail we look at generalities. That being said if you are wearing a long pink wig, a PVC mini-skirt and 6 inch stilettos then you will attract a more than cursory glance. But then if you are doing that then I think that is what you want anyway. Most of us have realised that the bulk of people of people are just getting on with their life and more interested in themselves and their social media circle to really worry who you are and what you are doing. Yes some places are tolerant others less so. The rule is to think why you should go to a particular place or not.
  • You are going to attract derision from ‘the lads and ladettes’ when you are out – I talked to 10 of my friends about this and we worked out we had been out over 2000 times and in that period we could only recall 10-12 times (4 were women orientated)  when we had had a problem, normally due to excess alcohol. In general we found we were accepted as an oddball making a bit of a statement and the vast majority of people were interested in why we were as we were. So if you stay away from late night bars with drunks then you are safe as houses
  • People think you are Gay because you dress – yes there are a lot of TV’s who exhibit bi-sexual tendencies when dressed and yet have none of these desires when in boy mode. I have always maintained we live on a gender and sexuality continuum and we move up and down it from male to female and heterosexual to gay. There are too many boxes and we are fluid according to our situation. We all have varying and different aspects to our personality. Most also like naughty oddball sexual encounters. It just means we don’t want to be judged by a conformist strict code set by an intolerant left leaning liberal Twitterati. People tend to generalise in their minds so its for you to persuade them otherwise, unless that’s your bag! Live life and don’t let others set your agenda, you only have one and believe me it is a short one! Less than 6% of men are out and gay and less than 1% are ‘out’ Transvestites, so get people to do the math. Remind them why you like to dress and what it does to you, after that its over to how they accept you.

  • Dressing Service and Mistresses will publish your details all over the internet – as my girlfriend says if she was to publish anything on the internet without peoples approval her business would be dead in 6 months. Same applies to anybody in the Personal Services business. Their business relies on discretion and their peers will be furious should any of them break that code of honour.

    Be objective not subjective

    Yes there are a few in the Sunday Papers who take the money to kiss and tell, but that is for celebrities, those people want their 15 mins of fame and are soon forgotten. The vast majority of them are just decent honest working people who have identified their niche in the market to make money. Most genuinely like Trannies and find them mildly exotic. Some are rip-off because they are not really into the business, just want to make a quick buck, and thought this was a way to easy riches. Both they and the customers soon find out it is not. It never ceases to amaze me how many genuinely nice women are in this very, very stressful business and still remain very kind. Remember it is they that have to open the door to a maniac like you!!
  • You do not pass so people will laugh at you – confidence is the key to this. Not every woman is your ideal beauty but there are so many whose personality transcends any mild weaknesses in their hair, make up or dress sense that makes just a great person to be with. That is so much more than being the perfectionist that looks immaculate but that just sits in the corner and contributes nothing else to the party. Part of the fun of being out is mixing and getting people’s attention and embracing all aspects of your femme side. If this frightens you just stay at home on your own…NOT!
  • Fear Is the road block – I covered this in my FEAR article a couple of years ago. The fact is that fear paralyzes rational thinking, action and fun.  Overthinking situations leads to compounding this fear Yes I think a tiny bit of healthy fear is right as it keeps us awake and alive to any potential threats, it makes the moment more exciting. Just ask yourself what the most realistic outcome will be, then get on with it!
Under Thinking
  • If you have hidden it for many years from your partner it will be better for you when its out – thinking that telling your partner about your femme side might take a load of stress off you, but it dumps everything on your partner. This however is not about stress but about trust or the destruction of it, the essence of a good relationship after openness. If you look at my previous posts on coming out its probably going to be a lonelier life. The problem is not the dressing but the fact you have hidden it for so long and the trust between you built up over the years is blown and in a very, very short space of time you will have turned their world upside down. They in turn will tend to overthink things. You will be listed as a liar and a cheat who is Gay and is playing away all the time. Many partners find it hard to come to terms with the fact that there is a very different person sitting in front of them who was not part of the original package and they think their old life has gone West, especially if the friends and family find out. Think and plan very clearly if you are going down this route, there are enough books and articles to read on it before you do such a thing
  • Once you are out it will be easier – its probably a great stress buster getting out and enjoying being a Tranny in wider society but there is still a lot of stigma attached to the whole crossdressing thing. Many people don’t get it and as happens when people have no comprehension they immediately put the worst connotations against it. Yes they will say you look great you are a fantastic dresser but in reality you have to persuade them that you are not a threat to society nor will you murder their children in their beds. You will encounter prejudice because you do not conform to the intolerant liberals who are starting to control our lives and denounce individualism in return for the so called betterment of an ethnocentric society in general.

  • Relationships will be easy if your partner meets your femme side – As I said in my article about relationships the other side our femme side brings out another personality from within us. In the majority of cases I have seen this is a softer more relaxed person that is distinct from the boy side. This may be fine for you but your other half has to be able to cope with the ‘other person’ in your relationship. One minute they have a stronger man planning ahead, making decisions and being fairly direct with them, the next they have a person who is laid back living in the moment not really worrying about what is to come. You are forcing them to adapt and that is not what they bargained for when you first met! Its so much better to meet the T-Girl earlier on and find out what you have in common. The reality is you have to go very slowly. You want to show here because you have been doing it for so long she is still in shock and wants no more. She will say yes I would love to meet X but you have to let her determine the time and place when she is the right frame of mind. She has to be a very strong minded open woman so do not push it. I have seen it so many times the Tranny is so desperate to show their partner their femme side its like being picked up by a person you know has had no fun for ages and just wants an encounter. Your mind says not today thanks.

    Therefore I am a Tranny

  • Its a passing phase that I will grow out of – Not in my experience. The desire to dress waxes and wanes from time to time but in my experience it is there at the back of the mind. I remember my father giving up smoking at 60 because of thrombosis and when he was 84 he said that never a day went by without him thinking of it. But he was strong willed enough not to do it. I have gone for long periods without dressing but it has been an ever present, especially times of loneliness and stress its great therapy.
    The intense feelings it sums up are things I miss and I always seem to come back to. For those who use it as a coping strategy in down times it can lie dormant when the problems go away, only to return when pressure returns or when it is substituted for something else! For others its a great kink for when vanilla life becomes too boring vanilla life,  I have friends who, when they don’t have a girlfriend, use it as a substitute for sex and when they find a new relationship it recedes to the back of their mind only to return when times get a bit tougher or life needs some new challenges! For very few its a constant as we battle, no too strong, PLAY between the male and femme sides of our personality. Embrace it and don’t feel too guilty about it.
  • Age will wither it – No again sorry but so many TV’s actually find themselves in their 60’s and 70’s as their life circumstances allow the closet TV to come out. Its such a strong form of expression that it persists into very old age! Some have suppressed these feelings for so long because of their relationships and family, when these no longer apply they embrace theses aspects. The bulk accept that this is how they are and the majority always always regret not having done it earlier, but accept life is about choices.
I am sure there are hundreds of other ways we can look at why we over or under think things. The fact is that the way to view it is if it does not hurt another person then stop thinking too much. If another person is involved then think hard before you take any steps
TaraXXX
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Pushing Boundaries

Filed under: Accepting Transvestism, Going Out Dressed, Sexuality — 1 Comment
January 16, 2020
A Tranny is never satisfied. They constantly want to challenge themselves and others. They get a real kick out of overt expression and the challenges it brings.

It is great to watch the TVs that come and go at my girlfriends dressing service Chateau Femme. The newbies are grateful just to be out, the regulars always want something new, a constant challenge. In both cases they want something different to their normal (drab?) daily life. An escape to express another side of their personality. A little bit shorter, a little tighter, showing more skin, maybe PVC or leather, going out, some interplay…the list goes on and on  They get a thrill from being taken out of their comfort zone and gain delight from nbeing different.

Young beautiful business woman with speech bubble thinking about something. Girl with glasses the European type on background of pop art style

This also applies to going out as well. I have been on jaunts with various groups on a regular basis over the years but to be honest got rather tired of the same old chat round a table in a restaurant then onto a club where the music was so deafening and I could not make good conversation, and I had to accompany the smokers outside (me being a non-smoker). I just got bored of it and myself wanted something different. This is after all a hobby that I like to push forward and develop.Not stand still, which in the heels I wear is not easy I can assure you!
It was nothing new or special, just the same old thing. I needed a challenge somewhere new to discover and show off. ABBA nights, Rocky Horror shows, Torture Garden and Drag nights. These are an extension of the ‘fun’ aspect of Tara, a further walk on the wild side, never wanting to standstill and say yep that’s it. I found myself exploring new dressing avenues such as drag, goth and rubber/PVC. I was trying new venues, new events and new situation. Just pushing the boundaries a bit at a time. I was/am the classic TV that needs to express themselves and dreads the thought that I just have to settle for the way things are. And of course it feeds the biggest sex organ of all. The mind.
How many Trannies reading this blog have worn a dress maybe 2 times then said been there done it need a new one, its a new event its a different situation I need to express myself in a different outfit, if you have the money. How many of us have T wardrobes larger than our male ones. But then again there are so many more options and don’t even talk about shoes. I said don’t talk about shoes!
I mentioned in previous blogs that I see TS’s as trying to fit in and tending to downplay their dress. TVs on the other hand like, sorry love, to show off. Sometimes within the confines of a club but also at other times in public. They seem to get a thrill out of challenging people’s perceptions, making them feel slightly awkward. They get some obtuse pleasure out of making people feel uncomfortable because they are doing something that is outside the accepted norm but it feed their ‘show off’ mentality.
I think this all stems from the original premise that so many TVs got such a buzz in the early days of doing something that was a bit naughty and that in order to continue this buzz they have to constantly have a new fix to regain that feeling. Something that continues to be a bit mischevious. This is fine as long as it doesn’t move from being odd ball to offensive. Some however do overstep the mark. This is particularly relevant in today’s society which is much more open and accepting of different lifestyles than in my early days. Yesterdays naughty is today’s norm so the Tranny has to be even more showy in order to stand out and that is maybe where it gets out of hand. Worse it dismisses other peoples sensibilities. Like the comedian who makes you feel a little awkward but then goes on to be downright rude. There are limits girls!
It starts in the early years with the basic dressing just the fact that a Tranny puts on some form of female apparel stirs feelings within, yes I know they can be classed as sexual, but I think that may be a bit misguided I think its just more sexy. It feeds a need to be interesting and exciting. From there comes makeup, shaving body hair and prosthetics. Then the urge to get out and show the world comes along. Some can do this others have a family life where the problems of being discovered would cause immeasurable damage so they stay at home..frustrated.
So the dressing service provides a very good intermediate stage. Here they can find a style that suits them and start to learn about themselves and meet others in private where they can talk to empathetic people who relate to their lifestyle. All the time the inner buzz is being sated by the demon dressing and all the time there is a desire to push it just that bit more.
What about going out on your own? What about a sexual encounter? What about a Mistress experience? Could I dress up as a maid? Should I put a video online? Maybe Adultwork? So many options just to push things just that little bit more. Some find their perfect place others continue to expand their options. I have not yet forund the end and am glad I haven’t the challenge is part of the fun.
Think of something new darling!How is this going to end? Well firstly you will try many that are dead ends, been there done it got the (tight fitting t-shirt), but not for me. Others are a rabbit hole you know you shouldn’t go down but you have to feel how far you can take it. Some of us have the sense of purpose to realise things have gone far enough others do not until they end up in a place they should never have been, but what a ride. At this point you take stock have some time off to reappraise what it has all been about. Then on you go to the next challenge. Whoopee! So it doesn’t end, however it coomes and goes in waves and sometimes you take a step back to appraise things
I have had something like that over the last few months ago. I realised because I had so much free time (semi-retired) I was trying an oddball augmented reality that was not really me. I saw that the Tranny thing was becoming far too absorbing, principally because I was a classic male who had to be occupied by something. I was buying endless amounts of shoes and clothes, spending too much time on-line looking at videos on better make up, posture and clothes. Sitting on Twitter, Facebook and the like as if it was reality. If we were gong to have a night out I needed a new outfit (despite already having so many clothes). I would plan the night 7 days in advance. I could do little on impulse as I needed the buzz of the build up in planning the outing. It was becoming time consuming and it needed a reality check.
I also saw it in others who were almost restraining themselves from turning fantasies into reality. They would talk incessantly about the next steps. A meeting with another Tranny, a strap-on, maid service, pvc and leather, bondage etc. etc. etc. They were also online all the time and it was becoming all pervasive in their lives. Its a hobby, but like the golfer who plays 5 days a week, talks golf, watches it on TV and is a constant at the Golf Club bar taking golf again it needs reining back! It was becoming more than a fun pastime for me, more an obsession.
Then one day after a serious discussion with her ladyship I took a step back and said STOP! Probably a bit like an alcoholic realising that this is having an adverse effect on their life and partner. I stepped back from public life except from an occasional outing and confined dressings to home. Slowly over the last 18 months I have got out bit by bit, but it is no longer a person who wants to push limits. It is now a Tara who has come to terms with herself. The wardrobe has reduced (size 14/16 and size 8 shoes abound at Chateau Femme for anyone visiting), I limit my visits on social media and find other interests. Anyone for…
Tara has not gone away. She still dresses in tight fitting clothes and skirts that are probably a bit too short and high heels but it is a more measured approach and the strong desire to push boundaries seems to have abated, for the moment. I no longer worry if I miss out on going out as the group Susies Angels will attest. I notice that more recently things are more balanced despite the mayhem of new girls arriving at the dressing service to push boundaries continues apace! Only time will tell where the next experience will come from so watch this space.
Tara XXX
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