Of Course Its Not Me!
This is a re-working of an older blog I know, but recently I have genuinely realised how important dressing is to my state of mind and how the life of a Transvestite becomes intertwined with my male persona. More importantly it is an incredible outlet for relaxation.
Some people under stress find solace in alcohol or sex or drugs or many other things. I have realised that dressing isan incredible stress relief for me. I have written about it in the past particularly in relation to its sexual nature but until the other night in a hotel room on my own, with nothing but a suitcase ofclothes to entertain me, I did not realise how much I needed just to physically dress and be Tara. It is an ongoing separation from my sexual set and my Transvestite self. Yes dressing arouses me (see my other blogs) but I was very surprised at how exhilarating and powerful just having unfettered ‘Tara Time’ was for me.
Now many of you lucky people living on their own might not understand how vital being able to dress in an environment that is without stress and interruption is, because you always had it. I well remember being at home knowing my then wife was out and I had a couple of hours to dress in private before she came home. But during that whole time my senses were on red alert I never really relaxed. Would she come home early? What would she say if I was discovered? Who else might come to the door? Would she find something I had not packed away? Would I leave a web page open on the computer or my browsing history reveal all? I had to do it and got a rush out of the whole pressure of it all but I now realise that it did not help the stress I was under. Contrast this with the freedom of a whole evening where I could be the selfish one and just do what I wanted. Now that’s a zone I now know I want to be in.
Even in my current relationship with Susie from Château Femme you would think this is a perfect arrangement. Awoman who dresses Trannies for a living! Because she does understand, and adore, Trannies so well. But not so, interruptions to borrow make-up, clothes or jewellery. Interruptions to ask if the dress she is wearing is right. Interruptions to say when will you be ready, where is my phone, have you got the keys, are we taking a taxi or the car, where are we going to parketc. etc. etc. These distractions all stop the whole flow of turning your mindset from male to Tara. This needs time and focus without interruption.
Trannies Love Short Skirts
Suddenly, you are on your own and all that pressure, all those diversions are lifted. You can take 2 hours or more to put on your make-up. You can faff over minor things nobody but you will notice. To drink a glass of wine as you want. To decide between nude or semi-black stockings. To muse if you would like to play with yourself. To take breaks in dressing just to admire what you have done. Sit down and take stock, To go on You Tube to watch a make up video. To change your look, your wig , your dress style, your shoes, oh yes your shoes!!! To,walk around in total freedom on your own admiring yourself from every angle saying, hmmm great, hmm need to change that, hmm need a new this that or the other! The whole thing just allows Tara to become well Tara or a pale reflection of her ideal.
There is no rush, no pressure. Just a realisation that you have the time to do it. And when ‘she’ emerges there is that incredible sexy rush that says ‘I AM THERE’. Suddenly you are filled with elation that you have arrived at a level of consciousness that is soooooo satisfying. You prance around and just enjoy the moment.
OK there is one thing missing the appreciation of the public. All that effort and nobody saying ‘wow you look terrific!’ But that’s just a self-indulgent thing that is not as real as having the freedom without barriers of being who you are. It’s just you playing with the whole mindset you are now in.
Smokey Purple Eyes Anyone?
The result of this is an intense feeling of genuine deep relaxation that for a few hours you have turned off the world and just thoroughly, thoroughly enjoyed indulging in your alter-ego without any strings any expectations and any interruptions. Nobody is judging, you nobody is telling you who to be. Absolutely brilliant and ironically so rare! These are the moments when you genuinely come to terms with who you are and thoroughly enjoy the escape from day-to-day vanilla life.
The issue for many Trannies however is to establish how strong a drive this is. I love both my male and Tranny sides on about and 80/20 ratio. Last month I had a week where I dressed 4 times and I noticed how by the fourth time the desire to dress had waned considerably. I cared less about the effort I put into dressing, I did not enjoy the night as much, nor did I really get into being ‘Tara’. Bit like being on a 4 day bender, the first is the best the rest have diminishing returns. I was more a cock in a frock going through the motions by the end. I was glad on the next night when I was prevented from dressing, again, due to being late. I realised that this was not a lifestyle choice just a great bit of sexy fun. The beast had been sated and I would wait until the sap rose again. But when that time arose and I had genuine freedom to express myself the high was amazing. Tara is not something that someone can turn on…and off at a say so. The mood and the moment have to be right and the build up to it is so much a part of the transformation. I love the planning and the fantasy of what will happen. Just saying go get dressed now just has no magic in it for me.
So moral of this blog is get time away from everything and just be you the way you want to be. Turn off the outside and indulge in your passions the way you enjoy things and remember there is no prescription, We Trannies are similar but also very different, unique even in so many aspects. The effect is an incredible and intense form of relaxation that beats any mindfulness or swami rituals.
Hmmm maybe there is an opening for a Tranny ashram somewhere! XXX
Tara's Transvestite Blog 