The last few weeks have been quite a tough time for our relationship. You all may think we are in Utopia because I am going out with the perfect partner in my life and that someone loves both the male side of your personality and the femme (though I do prefer to call it my ‘T’) part of your life. But when it comes down to having a good honest chat about what both of you are genuinely feeling you realise that adopting your ideal T side a rather large gulf can arise. Let’s look at the arguments.
I have always said that as a tranny I love the idea of going out and engaging with others, particularly those that are fascinated by trannies. Susie calls it ‘strutting my stuff’ in front of people. I love the whole concept that I can send out much more overt signals dressed as a ‘T’ than I could ever do dressed as a man. This gives me an intense buzz. I do love the fact that people appreciate the look and that I have put a fair bit of effort into achieving Tara. Yes Tara is very very vain!
But this vanity is also matched by the fact that I actually feel ‘sexy’ when dressed. Susie said that was normal, but I said that I never felt sexy looking at myself in a mirror as a man but I get an intense sexual rush looking at and being Tara. Its not turned on but just a strong urge to act sexy. I said I felt such a strong sensation when I dress and get and even bigger hit when I go out. As a man I am as Susie says a bit dapper in my dress style, but I never feel as if I am showing off. She on the other hand says I look sexy but I neither feel nor think I encourage this emotion. But you put me in a figure hugging dress. high heels and a blonde wig and I feel fantastic in both my head and my gut though not my loins…sorry girls I do have two brains but not quite where you expected them! If you can put them together i.e. by dressing them you have a heady cocktail for an very edifying future. But don’t let that get out of hand with anyone and give the impression there is more to come!
The problem is that dressing and seeking attention in public is not very helpful in your relationship. Imagine your wife/girlfriend/partner dressing provocatively and then going out to a local bar or nightclub to flirt and chat with other people. Not that great eh! But to all intents and purposes that is exactly what we are doing by dressing and going out. It’s not really fair on either party and finding a solution that is good for both parties is very difficult. But remember you give up some things to be in a relationship and it cannot be all one way, even for selfish, vain, introspective, sensation seeking Tranny!
How many times do I read, hear or see Trannies saying that their wife/ partner knows what they do but does not want to go out with them. Quite right why would you want to see your love going out dressed in a provocative style to get chatted up. Also why do you want the competition when he has better legs than you or his dress cost more than yours.
Now I know that many will say I dress purely for myself and not for anyone else and that is true for a few but I do not think so for the majority. Certainly I am mutton dressed as lamb, but that is my style and it’s not going to change. But then why go out? That is the hard one. To all girls who have not ventured out I counsel that it is like opening a Pandora’s Box and its difficult to put back. After you pluck up the courage to go out for the first time simply dressing at home is not enough…well for me. You can walk in heels for more than the 30 feet of your hallway, you can meet and talk with others of a similar persuasion, you can exchange stories and realise you are not alone in what you are thinking. And the reality is we want to show off our new persona to the world and if we are lucky we get admiring glances, that’s all part of being a tranny to me. Do I want to to be chatted up no not really. A mild flirtation ‘en passant’ maybe. Do I want to have sex definitely not so why the hell am I here. There in lies the nub of transvestism. An intensely uplifting experience that comes from deep within that releases a different kind of beast than when you are in boy mode. It’s very much a mindset, or as the Americans rather crudely put it ‘mind fuck’that puts you in a different place.
I have eluded in past editions of this blog to ‘the zone’ as I call it. A time when I am dressed and an intense calm comes over me. It is a bit like mindfulness. You are living purely for the moment and just looking at and feeling what is going on around you. You see yourself in the mirror dressed in the way you want to look, you accept that this is you and you cannot fight the wrinkles or bits of excess fat or imperfections that make you ‘non-girl’. Instead you take a deep breath let the shoulders relax and say yes I am there. I see the inner Tara.
Susie says with her dressings at Chateau Femme she sees the same with so many girls. What they see in themselves when dressed is probably not the reality . But what she also sees is a form of calm excitement. Calmness on the outside because they are finally transformed, but also a set of wilder emotions welling up from within. A heady mixture which I can identify with. In my earlier days this gave me a chance to experiment with other aspects of my personality and I tried a few blind alleys on my own personal voyage of discovery. What I know now is that as a result of being able to have open honest and frank discussions with Susie I have been able to comprehend much more of the drivers within me. Thank you darling!
So the problem of whether a T girl and her GG girlfriend can go out together is a current ongoing discussion for us. The first step though is the flirting nature of Tara has to be reigned in simply because not being able to go out dressed with your best friend and lover is not an option! So start working on the compromises girls and the best times will flow.
XXX Tara
Tara's Transvestite Blog 