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Time to reboot folks. My last blog was 10 months ago as the UK went into Covid meltdown. At that time I felt I had put enough on the web about being a Tranny, and any more would just frustrate those who were denied

Decisions Decisions

the chance to dress and go out as they had done in 2019. God its 2021! The wrinkles have grown, but with a hint of a light at the end of the tunnel I thought we should all start to prepare for unleashing the Barbarian Horde (or should that be Herd?) on the public when we are finally allowed out. To that effect I am going to change the tenor of the blog whilst we are still in lockdown to look at improving our presentation to the world for the final months of confinement so that we arise phoenix like from the ashes of the anti-virus!

First however as a sort of catch up I would like to summarise where I think I am in terms of my own advice to TV’s out there with a few links to previous articles. As always please don’t treat this as a panacea for all your ills, it is purely my view on our wondrous lifestyle as I see it.
In no particular order I view our ‘current’ role in society as follows:

  1. We Are Transvestites, Trannies, TVs – the word has been bastardised by society and in particular the Americans. It has grown into an absurd abuse of the true dictionary definition which is: a person who wears the clothes of the opposite sex, that’s it! I tried to define a Transvestite here The bits that other people (particularly non-Trannies) put on top of this are not the true meaning, they are enhancements or bastardisations that somehow have become norms that most Trannies reject. Unfortunately we have been subsumed into the whole TS debate and are seen as a sub-class which is wrong as I wrote here. We are far better being defined as a fetish (read the definition) than alongside the Transsexuals . But because we find it difficult to explain why we are as we are, so its gets lost and we have become the last Taboo of society .

  2. Being A Transvestite Is A State Of Mind Not Just About The Dress – biologically I am a bloke and quite like my male side, but I have a different aspect to my personality and that is my ‘Femme ‘ (for me it’s not female) side. Firstly I feel very sexy (note not sexual as stated in this article) but more important for me is I switch off completely, relax and live in the moment, a kind of mindfulness, which in my early days of dressing I did not appreciate, then it was just a mixed up buzzy whirl.
    Now I can let go, no future plans, no problem solving no decisions to make and I find cannot cook! The bloke has been coerced into a role in society that he conforms to but it does not satisfy other aspects of his persona so the Tranny comes to save him. But you are always caught in two minds see here. You will worry where it is taking you see this article. And you worry about your sexuality see here. The problem is how deeply ingrained this is. How many of us have tried to give it up or at least said that is it . You can try to define yourself as I tried in this clumsy blog here or just accept that it is a part of you it should be welcomed and celebrated. Don’t let FEAR get in the way and causing you too much stress.

  3. Don’t Kid Yourself We Are Not Universally Accepted In Society – Far From It – bit like LBGTQ the general public has a much better acceptance of who we are than say 10 and especially 20 years ago and especially amongst the under 40’s . Acceptance though is not understanding and the older generation has a different mindset that was honed in the 70’s and 80’s when being a Tranny was a dirty word, not one of us. It still pervades and many of older Trannies are still very wary when going out for fear of rejection. Don’t let this dissuade you .That being said the actual incidence of Tranny abuse is very very limited and tends be after drink or some macho groups (both male and female) trying to show off their peers.

  4. We Do Overthink The Consequences Of Our Actions– I am at fault here. I come from a time when it was shameful to be a TV and that is ingrained into my make up, I talked about over and under thinking here. The need to dress is a very strong need as it balances up my whole person as I tried to outline in this blog . Thinking of all the negative or worst case scenarios stops us from realising our true potential, or at least realising our dreams.

  5. Being A TV In A Relationship With A Woman Is Very, Very Difficult– sorry to disappoint . Acceptance of you, admiring your look and enjoying your company is one thing, having a full blown relationship is much much harder. Because, as I said above, your mindset changes when you dress up and effectively you bring a third person into the relationship, and to be honest quite a selfish one at that. Trannies are so me, me, me. For most its such a short time that you indulge in your femme side and you want to make the most of it at the expense of those around you. Dressed sex in a relationship is so full of pitfalls there is a whole book yet to be written about itI I have tried to give some guidance on relationships here but its a tough one. Worst of all the hardest decision is to reveal your other self to your partner when you have hidden it for so long, this has to be done so very very carefully.

  6. Most Trannies Are Never Satisfied – we have so little time to be on the ‘other’ side that we are constantly trying to move things on. To do things that that little nagging voice in the back of your mind is daring you to do . My Pushing Boundaries tried to help understand this but there is nothing really new. But we have to beware that in some ways it can come to dominate your life and this is when it is getting out of control. We can go down ever dangerous paths looking for a thrill that in reality is better in your head than in the real world.

  7. We Are Very Self-Centred – Because we only let the girl out from time to time we want to make the most of it . We want admiration appreciation and sometime adoration for the work we have put into our dressing. During lockdown this has, for some, been the worst aspect of not getting out! Trannies crave attention even though they may appear very quiet and reserved. This need for attention can tend to dominate proceedings too much. I wrote an apology about how I was rude about this here but it still holds true. We are intensely introspective as its such personal thing and no two Trannies are the same. When out we can also , without realising it, become rather closed group as I said here and as such are regarded as aloof freaks by the real world. But for many of us this is a coping mechanism be it stress release, personal problems or of a sexual nature so we need it!

  8. Sexuality Will Become A Struggle For Many – I am sure that there are some Trannies who have never felt sexy dressed up, just I have never met any. The fine line between sexy and sex is very complicated and it is not clear. I would think that boy mode equals straight, femme mode raises questions as the whole gender thing raises its horns. I wrote here about this. But the problem is the two spectrums of gender and sexuality are two separate continuums (not linked) that we all moves up and down on all the time. Beware the whole Pushing Boundaries scenarios again!

So that’s my best quick summary of where these blogs are. If like me you have come to accept that is is a real part of you and its not going away then now is the time time to focus on improving who we are and that will be the focus of the next few blogs until this bloody mess comes to a close.

Happy Belated New Year.
Keep Safe Stay Home Wear Hosiery
Tara XXX

I haven’t written much in a long time but as its now 2020 thought I would start again as a New Year tends to be filled with new resolutions that are normally forgotten by Burns Night!
I was reading one of those interminable articles about how to change your life and thought why not one for Trannies. We make resolutions to dress more or less to go out more or less to do something different or wilder. So many thoughts so little time.
One thing that did strike me during this process was that despite dressing for over 30 years now I still felt guilty about it. I come from an older generation where we were indoctrinated that what we did was morally wrong and reprehensible. So I developed my way of hiding it and doing everything in secret. Even to this day if I look anything Tranny on the web or buy something new I still feel guilty about it and rarely share what it wit others. Its so deeply ingrained from years of hiding it. And I live with a woman that runs the Chateau Femme dressing service! If I can’t do it then there are thousands of others out there who are in a similar position enjoying the fun of dressing but at the same time having the thought I am committing a disgraceful act, that is morally reprehensible to the bulk of society.

Is It Time For A Change?

Yet at my core I know this is me and that it is my mindset that has to change in the New Year. The problem is the way I approach it and the way I embrace being a Tranny. I understand why I feel guilty now I have to look at it from a different perspective.
  1. Being a Tranny is not bad its a lifestyle choice. It may not be everyone’s cup of tea but it is much more acceptable than it was 30 years ago. We live in a much more tolerant society. Yes there are still those (male and female) who are appalled by it but they are in decline or at least are forced to hide it by the new liberal Twitterati. We have however lost a lot of our identity by being bracketed with the ever growing TS members of society and this is wrong for people to understand us. If you would like to see my concerns about this read my reclaim article
  2. Its no longer as ‘bad’ to be out in public. So many cross-dressers and Trannies hide at home for fear of being discovered that they have been hiding it from their partner for so long that they dare not venture out at least once.  On the latter I am afraid there is no easy answer as I have intimated in previous blogs when it comes to trust issues with your partner from which you have hidden your other side! But on the former I would say first it is very rare that, if you are properly made up, anyone would recognise the guy behind the mask and secondly many find it interesting to talk to people like us who offer an alternative view on life from the humdrum vanilla existence. I find women in general very open to my femme side though in the main they don’t fancy a Tranny. For many men I think I bring out an element of cross-dressing that they would like to try for a bit of sexy fun with their partner. The labels dress as a male, dress as a female are being blurred just as make-up and the look of the androgynous human that pervades magazines these days
  3. A Tranny is not a pervert. Enjoying dressing is a pastime for most of us and is part of our make up. Too many in the past have tried to identify this as an aberration rather than an aspect of our personality. We are just different. Finding enjoyment in expressing our femme side is not wrong. We are allowed to look prettier than the balding, graying, boring, bloke who is confined to wearing jeans and T-shirt and talking sports. Ask others to embrace the alternative you but don’t be as blazen as far too many extremists who push things in your face be they TS’s, Vegans, Communists, Religious Zealots and the like. Let them see your loving side!
  4. Its OK to feel sexy. I know from my own personal experience I feel a sexiness running through me when dressed that I never feel in bloke mode. This applies in both the fact that I feel a little attractive and alluring (in comparison to the bloke) and there is general excitement about the look. Don’t confuse this with sexual please. My girlfriend says she sees it happening in front of her during her dressings. She can appreciate it but has never experienced it. Though she likens it to when she dressed as a teenager and the immense buzz that gave her. Its probably why so many of us dress in so called ‘inappropriate’ way as this makes us feel sexier. Some people allude to the fact that many of us dress like our ideal woman. But I think that us too simplistic its more about the buzz it gives you and how we love trying so many looks always trying to move towards some goal, whether it be losing weight, a more toned body, better makeup, better posture, walking in higher heels etc. etc. etc.
  5. If sexy makes you sexual then get on with it. All the usual moral codes apply here but at the back of most Trannies minds is a little ‘what if’ nagging away. We all have it and in my next article I will look at it. But the reality is that dressing makes us more expressive and our alter ego that normally lies dormant comes out. For some of us that is a sexual drive and a want to expand our boundaries. Sometimes this is an itch that has to be scratched. From experience I can only say that the more you think about it the more you are building it up to be something bigger than it really is. For some however they are replacing something that has been lost in their day to day life and this can be seen as a substitute for what is missing.
So back to New Year resolutions. Ditch them and ditch the guilt. Embrace the fact you are not some morally deviant freak who outrages the bulk of society. Bugger the contrition and get on with a positive attitude about you and your approach to society. Read a couple of articles on the web on how to change your mindset and get rid of the elephant in the room that is stopping you from being you and creating all the associated stress that is occupying too much of your time. Remember being a Tranny is a pastime not a full time change however it gives meaning and happiness to you and it is important that you stop the killer that is stress. If this is continuously going round and round in your brain it takes up too much of your thinking time and can cause anxiety in you and strain in your relationships.
We only have one life and believe me it is very short. XXX
I am fed up with people putting me down because I call myself a Transvestite or a Tranny which many see as a rather vulgar and demeaning word. It’s not. This in my opinion shows they lack the understanding of the words their heritage and how our TS sisters on the other side of the pond, in particular, have come to bastardise their meaning due to their own misuse of the vernacular in pursuit of a very different agenda to our own.
The dictionary defines a Transvestite as a crossdresser, someone who wears clothing from the opposite sex for psychological reasons. Then some definitions (particularly American) add the line ‘for sexual gratification’. It may be all of these it may be some but the reality is that its a catchall for trying to simplify something that is not simple, which I hope I have demonstrated in these blogs. Its wrong and lacks an understanding of where the words came from and how they have come to be used or is that abused.Angry Woman. Furious Girl. Negative Emotions. Bad Days. Bad Mood
Let us look at the history. Transvestism wasn’t really coined as a term before 1911 and the word has gone through several changes since originally being for a medical disorder, or the sexual interest in crossdressing also known as transvestic fetishism. The word crossdresser did not originate until the 1970’s but the fact that some of these people linked dressing to erotic fantasies meant that Transvestites got a bad name for themselves. Seeing a 6 foot, 90kg bloke in short leopard print dresses unable to walk in high heels and a cheap wig did not help!
As a result, particularly in the USA, calling someone a Tranny or Transvestite was used as a derogatory term. It also got messed up with all the other Trans (Transsexual, Transgender) groups where anybody with a ‘trans something’ in front of them was called a Tranny. They lumped us all together to start with. The Transgendered community in particular hated being associated with ‘dressing’ and its sexual (not gender) elements and set about degrading it for their own purposes as it was not what they were about.
On top of this the multitude of definitions in the last few years has blossomed to become so mixed up particularly with the growth of Transgender and Transsexual identities that we have been incorporated into a smaller group in which we do not belong.
Amongst all of this the Transvestite and Crossdressing activities have been relatively subsumed and deemed irrelevant to the TS’s which queers their pitch as society wakes up to this intersex debate. Transgendered people are fighting for their identity which is highly laudable but not at the expense of being downright insulting to a strand that in actual fact is a much, much bigger percentage of the population. Trannies are looking for a form of expression for their personality leave them alone.
The problem is that we Transvestites are not part of this group we don’t want to be full-time women. In fact it was the TS community that were wrongly labeled with the word Tranny which belongs to our group. Our issue is more an identity issue not a gender thing. To make matters even worse, in my experience, is that our group outings give transsexuals an early solace for them to express their identity only for us to discarded with relative venom as they realise they are different. How many times have I been told by a TS who I have nurtured but you are not a woman ‘I am’ . You are bloody right I am a Tranny and stop bastardising my definition just because it doesn’t suit you. Get your own vernacular and leave ours alone! You may have gender dysphoria but we embrace the femme side of life alongside our male side. Nicely balanced!
Basic RGBSo now let’s try to define ourselves to the world as clearly as we can. In this way we should become more acceptable and palatable to a wider consensus who currently see what we do as more of a perversion (well the over 40’s do!). I believe that for the majority of us dressing or crossdressing in whatever form releases another aspect of our personality. Yes it could have a sexual element (is that really so bad?) but the true part it allows is the release of the feminine side of our mindset as a counterbalance to a male role that we have been conditioned to be by society. Roles for us are too strict we need broader acceptance.
I am of course going to immediately argue that the definition is still to simple as so many Tv’s say to me there is more than one side to my Tranny personality and the style of dress I adopt releases a particular aspect of their persona which is hidden. Dressing is that trigger for an inner self that lies hidden. Yes I may dress in a shorter skirt today because I feel sexy. Tomorrow it will be a longer dress because I feel classy and the next day its a simple set of jeans and boots because I feel incredibly relaxed when wearing them. It’s a great switch off mechanism.
I am going to stop there and let the debate begin because this is getting into the realms of an essay for the British Psychological Journal. I want to help people understand themselves not bore them to death like a Wagner Opera! Oops now pissing off the opera buffs as well!
All I want to do is establish that being a Transvestite is a good thing for both the Tranny and those around them. They tend to be soft creatures much less outspoken and more accepting than their TS counterparts. Their time is spent in sexy contemplation of being able to release the femme aspect of their personality. They love to indulge in the fun aspects of their life that they can’t do with the lads who have a very different mindset.
So please allow us to own the words Transvestite and Tranny and don’t denigrate them to match your personal and political machinations. We Trannies need our identifying marks as well. We are the silent majority that just gets on with being ourselves. As they say you never really win an argument by being rude about others xxx
 In an article I wrote in January I wrote about the problem with many Transvestites was that they talk far too much about themselves and listen far too little to others. I have to apologise to all my TV friends about them talking about themselves too much as I now realise that being a TV is very much about standing out and making a statement, and by contrast being a Transsexual is all about blending in with society in the gender role with which you feel most comfortable you feel most comfortable.
OK there are 80% of TV’s that are still in the closet who have little or no chance to stand out because they are locked away for one reason or another. But I don’t believe it takes it away from the fact that most of us do like the appreciation we get when we go out dressed from the broader minded members of the general public. Its our statement that we hope others will like.

Drag Quen

I Can Get Away With It

My partner who runs Chateau Femme Dressing Service sees it on a daily basis. Initially her ‘girls’ are too embarrassed to go out but with a helping hand they step over the threshold and then there is no stopping them. After that they almost crave the attention of someone looking at them because it is the culmination of their journey to finally have an element of acceptance in society.

There is also the by-product that they now have an audience to talk to about themselves after years of hiding it all away and they want to tell everything to any poor soul who shows an inkling of wanting to listen to them. It won’t be another Tranny because they’ll also be wanting to do the same thing. It’s a poor member of the public that gets both barrels for hours on end! Sorry fellow Trannies but its a reality!
Once a Tranny is out they are embarking on a very different journey to a TS. For the TS it is a permanent change where they become part of the social fabric, for the TV its a vital expression of a part of their character. For one its a lifestyle change for the other its a journey into self discovery. Society accepts the TS because they understand how they feel being born into the wrong gender. A TV is not really accepted because it is seen as more of a perversion rather than changing your life. This in turn attracts little sympathy or appreciation from the broader society. And let’s be honest we don’t really understand how or why we are as we are so how the hell should anyone else understand us. Just enjoy our time on the Femme side and don’t over think it.
I think that in essence most TV’s do like to show off a little, its part of our make-up but it’s still not as acceptable as it could be. Drag Queens get away with it because it is seen as part of their act, but for Trannies it’s probably a little too close to home for too many people. They realise that anyone of us could be their ‘normal’ neighbour’ from next door.
I also think that quite a large amount of the group that do go out like an element of the shock value that seeing a Tranny creates, they like the attention. I think they get a perverse thrill out of taking members of the general public out of their vanilla comfort zone and shaking things up a bit. They have fun making others uncomfortable and the best of those are the drag queens! There is a huge element of the peacock (or is that pea hen?) amongst Transvestites who want to be seen and then, of course, heard. I am not sure if it is an extrovert trying to get out of an introverted existence or not.
So many of us need this form of expression to release an inner self and in doing so comes a more expressive person that at times starts to talk about themselves…too much, with little regard to how bored others are becoming with the incessant one-way verbiage that the ‘for one night only’ Tranny gives out. It is quite funny watching a group of us round a table as blokes we talk in stories as TV’s we want to talk inner feelings, but the problem is none of the other ‘girls’ round the table want to listen! So woe betide the onlooker!

women long hair style icon, logo women face

There Is Too Little Time!

As we mature (as a TV) this focus on self does dissipate but it takes many years and many outings to finally exorcise the ghost of Trannydom. As I tried to show in my journey through the Tranny world there is a path we go through and we are all at different phases on that journey. People in society are being exposed to so many varying levels of Transvestism they just find it very difficult to comprehend. The worst aspect of this lack of understanding is that many of the general public take certain aspects of what we go through on our journey and immediately label us with a small part of the whole Tranny world. This gives us a poor image in society without it trying to understand us. Best example is the first question you are asked by a partner “is are you gay?” not “how did you come to be like this?”
All hail being a TV. Enjoy being expressive about life and all its foibles. Glory in avoiding the deathtrap of conformity and standing out. Rejoice in your difference you will understand yourself better and this will give you increased confidence. For so many this side of you has been hidden for so long it needs regular exposure to make a statement to the world even if they don’t want to hear it. It’s a rite of passage that given the freedom to do it most TV’s would try. Unfortunately society is still not ready for it because they do not understand it. Nor do we!
I used to say that I liked going out dressed because it was a bit naughty and I was breaking some moral codes of society that I thought were wrong and that gave me the buzz. This was true initially but now I realise part of showing myself off is related to how I feel inside. We use the term ‘sexy’ or ‘turned on’ but that is not the half of it. What is going on inside is the butterfly is emerging from the pupa and the real personality or at least one personality is blossoming. (Sorry too many analogies there but you get my drift) It’s a bit like saying that sometimes you enjoy the calm of a game of chess but at other times you like the whole spectacle of watching a football match. Each event gives rise to different emotions so it is that the man and the TV give rise to different aspects of your personality, which is not necessarily balanced. God help us if you were the same each and every day that would be no fun either!
Showing off is one thing and looking for admiring comments is another which is quite understandable. Chatting about your TV person is also totally acceptable but what is wrong is dominating conversations to the exclusion of all others.
I am no different to any other Tranny chatterboxes in that I enjoy my time being noticed and that rare time to talk about my Tranny side. But I know when I am dominating the conversation and shut up to let others have their say. The ones who go on and on about themselves their life and how it affects them or turns everyone else’s conversation to an experience they have had and then bosses all conversation are just a real pain for whom I have little time. This is a shared world not a world that has to share your experiences!
So I am apologising to all those I berated in my previous sermons who were only having a light conversation about themselves. I am not however a fan of gobby Transvestites because they take up all the room for the rest of us. But I understand why they are as they are and why, sometimes, I have to move to another table.XXX
I have never hidden the fact that I enjoy, sorry adore, the change of mindset when I dress. I enjoy the switchover from the masculine to the femme side. It helps balance my mind and body allowing me to indulge in the two different aspects of my personality, much of which is hidden when in ‘boy’ mode.
But I also like my male side as well. I actively try to keep the two apart so that I can have my cake and eat it. It has been noticed by others though, that the more Tara gets out the more those mannerisms, actions and ways of speaking that are associated with my TV persona are creeping into my everyday boy side. Note to self… be aware!
Many of my Tranny friends do identify with this. Releasing that the girl allows them to express themselves in ways that are not ‘acceptable’ in boy mode. We do appreciate the fun of dressing up to look good, we do feel sexy in girl mode, we enjoy the softer side we let out in this mindset and we tend to relax much, much more when the femme side is exposed.


A Constant Battle

But it is a bit more than just letting the femme side out. I think that because of how society works and its social pressures we have been conditioned to repress many aspects of our personality which the great and good vanilla people say is ‘not proper’. These traits are hidden under layers and layers of guilt, embarrassment, expectation and conformity. I think the ‘girl’ gives us some kind of permission to indulge in our hidden desires be they sexual, mental or behavioural.

It is not an excuse to say that dressing somehow allows us to ‘play’ in whatever way we like, rather it just releases these wants and fantasies that lie so dormant below the surface. I think that it frees so many frustrations within us and that is why it is such a relaxing activity. A great stress buster.
I have TV friends who say it allows them to enjoy sex in ways they would not do in boy mode, others say they can enjoy BDSM in a much more relaxed and submissive (occasionally dominant) form. Some say it allows them to dress in a fetish way, many say it allows the sub sissy to come out. Most say it allows them to switch off and feel good about themselves for a moment.
A few say it starts them down the TS route because they suddenly feel more comfortable in day-to-day life when dressed as a woman where they can be how they feel inside. It’s oh so complicated and not as one-dimensional as some outsiders would have you believe. What is most important is that we can finally move over to the enlightened side and change our perspective on life. So many say that having visited this side of their personality they find normal day-to-day dinner parties rather boring because the do not have the depth of conversation that they have in girl mode.
 But this changeover of mindset does not happen instantly and it takes a bit of introspection to find out what is going on in your head. You probably have to try a lot of things out before you realise what it is that drives you. It’s not schizophrenic its more a duality of personality that you can switch between as your mood takes you. If you like me enjoy playing with both sides that makes for a great life. However if this creates turmoil and gender dysphoria in your head then you have to see a counsellor before it starts to disrupt your thoughts causing stress and strain in your everyday life.
So what do I mean by a change of mindset? It’s not easy to explain as its something going on in your head that makes you realise that the way you are thinking and acting is not what you were doing half an hour ago. Putting on clothes and make up is not a change of mind its crossdressing. And crossdressing normally can be associated with a lot of fantasies  and sexual desires that are enhanced by certain aspects of clothing. This is where the crossdresser and the Transvestite are always confused. Confusion also arises with TS’s because they are to all intents a woman not someone who dresses up to show off her alternative persona.
A Transvestite needs to get into a complete situation where the show of hair make up dress heels etc. is an outward manifestation of what is going on inside their head. This is particularly why Trannies tend to dress a bit more overtly than their TS friends. The Tranny is making their own personal statement that this is who they are and is not concerned that they stand out or look like ‘a Tranny’ God Forbid!. If the short skirt the high heels the OTT make up do it for you then that is what you do its part of who you are that is definitely not conformist anymore. It ain’t gonna be hidden! The TS on the other hand is a woman and as such endeavours to blend in and be more of the norm in female society. So many TS’s and women have asked me why do you dress like a Tranny and not like a ‘real’ woman, to which my answer is because I am a Tranny!img_2894
Little aside here is I hate the destruction of the words Transvestite and Tranny by our American cousins who see the word as related to purely a person who dresses up in the clothes of the opposite sex for sex! They bastardised the word in the 80’s and 90’s and now frown on it and expect the rest of the world, who kept clear distinctions to adopt their position. They now merge crossdresser and Transvestite into the same package. Stand up for us UK Transvestites and reeducate the Yanks. Rant over!
So when does this change of mind happen? For me it varies. Something I see on the web, in the street or in a conversation conjures up the feelings that make me want to dress. It takes a little time to foment as I have always been a person who likes events not things done on the spur of the moment. I love the whole planning of the look, the outfits how I am  going to do things etc. I love the whole build up of expectation as to what I am going to do and how I am going to do it.
I tried to explain this to my partner Susie at her Chateau Femme dressing service. Her clients have booked in most cases several weeks ago and have put a lot of thought into their look and what they want from the day. In the week before they will be very excited by what is going to happen  and it will put a lot of pressure on her to deliver something that many find difficult to elucidate. Great that she is psychic! Most of her girls say they love the whole aspect of sitting in the make up chair having her put on the make up it is at that time that their mind turns.
Anyway these thought build up more and more of Tara in my mindset up to the moment when I am in front of the mirror when the male side starts to drift away. Well some aspects. because let’s be honest you are looking at a bloke who is about to put make up on and create the girl. (note to all learn better make up skills)!  As my transfer progresses from showering to makeup to dressing I find myself moving deeper and deeper into the femme mindset. In particular, for me, when the wig goes on that normally is the moment of realising you are there! After that its a case of embellishing it with some great heels!
However It is odd that some days I am standing in front of the mirror putting on my makeup or an item of clothing or a wig and expecting that final rush of the change to happen and it just does not occur. For some reason or other I am stuck in a halfway house.
In the past I would carry on regardless and realise after about an hour or two into my time as Tara that in fact I was still a ‘cock in a frock’, I am not relaxing and frustrated with not ‘being there’. The whole event would have felt like a waste of time. Nowadays I tend to realise fairly early on if this shift is going to happen or not and if it’s a NO I just take everything off and go down the pub in boy mode regretting the fact that I miss the genuine deep relaxation that Tara gives me.
Girl.Question.MarkOf much more of a concern is how quickly I can switch back into boy mode even when I am on a real high on the femme side . Or maybe that is how quickly I can switch off girl mode and return to true type. Not sure. Certainly I see myself a s a man who likes to get in touch with his feminine side through dressing, not a woman in a man’s body who wants to be out all the time. There is no fun in that! That is why I hate people asking me why I do not dress more often. Tara is special not day-to-day and I enjoy doing to when the mood takes me. Times, place and event vary.
But its is odd that one moment the girl is there and suddenly you realise its gone and you just want to go home and change because you know that it’s not going to come back. This is particularly quick when my friends call me by my male name or start to treat me as one of the lads or boyfriend or the person who is expected to do the fetching and carrying because that is what i might do in boy mode.
The opposite also applies at the end of a particularly good evening when you are on your Tranny high and you do not want to give these feelings up. The whole event has gone so well and you are buzzing, the last thing you want to do is take it all off and return to Mr Vanilla. This come down has to be managed so you create a slow process of taking off the whole person to gradually allow you to go to sleep without feeling too frustrated that this wonderfully relaxed pastime is about to end.
The mind is a wonderful place for experimentation and play. It’s a great place to visit for your highs but can also be a horrible place for your lows. We all probably over think so many things to destruction. But do not let the mind dominate the bad aspects of your life. I have written in the past about Trannying being a coping strategy for many where they retreat into the sexy relaxation of the TV mindset. It is however not a substitute for reality checks nor is putting on a wig. You still have to realise if you are not a TS this is a fun pastime for you to enjoy as you wish.
At the time of writing this its high summer and 28 degrees outside not the time for wearing a Balaclava (wig) for me but for others its something they must do it’s not fun! Enjoy within reason XXX

Are You Gay?

This was the first question I was asked by my then wife when she found out about Tara. It’s a topic that raises its head time and time again amongst the TV community. Many people fail to understand the difference between gender and sexuality and tightly put people into simple boxes 100% male or 100% female and 100% gay or 100% straight. Modern society is slowly realising there are so many layers to our personality that to confine them to easy to understand boxes is now far too simplistic. I prefer the fact that I think we are gender and sexually fluid and to constrain us to one little box is impossible for all time is just plain nuts. We need to re-think what these traits are.
shutterstock_133966718 (1)So what exactly is Gay then? Funny how we don’t us the word homosexual instead we like to us a softer term that in the past meant showing a merry and lively mood, a hedonistic approach to life, not fancying other blokes. That’s one for the psychologists. I am here to discuss the sexual aspects of Transvestism but only I stress from my myopic and very fluid point of view.
Personally I think there are very few totally heterosexual or totally homosexual people in society. OK there may be an occasional one at the extremes just like any bell curve and, more importantly,  those who have been brainwashed by various elements of society into being told they are one or the other, but the reality is we all exist somewhere along the continuum. I also think that things such as dressing bring out an exploratory nature to our sexuality and we can change our position along the continuum from time to time as the mood takes us. I can remember in the olden days when you scored a try at rugby the ‘blokes’ would shake your hand, nowadays they mob each other with hugs kisses etc. it’s allowed now, it’s no longer considered gay! Society in general is much more touchy-feely than was thought proper in the past and as a result people are allowed to express themselves in a more open manner
Putting on a dress and make up has a dual effect allowing you to hide behind a mask and express an inner person at the same time.Here you can indulge in private fantasies that are not really a part of your ‘normal’ sexuality but are fun to experiment with. It almost gives you permission to test your own boundaries. Most of the time it’s not about actually having sex its more the feelings it conjures up inside you, a part of you that s hidden. Most TV’s (note not necessarily TS’s) are teasers they like the fact that their dressing messes with people’s perceptions of what men and women are.  They enjoy the fact that they are showing off an aspect of themselves which conflicts with the norms of society and in love it when they get the recognition that they seek, which they probably crave, but realise Mr Sexual Norm would never get in day-to-day boy mode.
It’s a release from the confines of ‘normal’ living. Some can take it too far and become a Tranny sensationalist but inside most of us there is an element of wanting to show off a bit.So the dresses are too short the make-up over the top, the heels too high and the wigs too bouffant, but it works for the vast majority of us.
 This trapped Genie has to come out of the bottle from time-to-time and almost all of us love to feel sexy, something we rarely feel in boy mode which we refer to as Mr Grey, Mr Yawn, Mr Grumpy, Mr Average etc. So many of the TV’s I know use dressing as substitute for sex which stopped long ago with their partner and need some form of release to feel sexier again. Its their coping strategy for lost sensations.Unfortunately this sends out the wrong notes to many saying ‘that Tranny is on the pull for a guy’.xkgety6i56967fe7d816d039458452
Dressing also brings out other parts of your personality which are probably more gregarious in what they will do. By breaking with what you are meant to do you look at life from a different perspective. You suddenly realise how ‘vanilla’ your life had become you were always talking about events not feelings and emotions. Boy mode tells stories girl mode makes them!
Many of my Tranny friends have said that dressing has allowed them to just enjoy all aspects of life as many of the barriers or taboos have been lifted by them moving away from the constraints of social order. They look at society as having too may strictures that bind and control people’s true personalities. Embracing the TV side allows for experimentation fantasy and fun which might otherwise be frowned upon.There is a need for balance in many people lives a sort of Yin and Yang that needs to live in equilibrium.
My partner Susie finds exactly this at her dressing service Chateau Femme. She has a very strong coterie of Maids and Sissies (which is a strand of Transvestism) that just like to let go. Almost all would say the reason why they like being a maid or a sissy is the fact that in their stressful world they can, for a short time, let go of everything that constrains them in their male side and allows them to express a softer out of control side which balances up their personality. Others find different routes, which is great just as long as it does not harm others.
I find that having quite a strong OCD side to my personality my dressing allows me to relax and switch off. I can enjoy the softer sexier aspects of my personality which lie dormant at other times and are replaced by an organised controlled lifestyle. One irony of this is that in boy mode I can cook rather well, but when in Tranny mode I cannot cook for toffee!
girlinmirrorSo of course letting go of the boundaries regarding how we look will naturally allow you to look at your sexuality. The problem is that we can get confused with sexy and sexual desires. Also if we dress in a rather provocative way and people start flattering you with compliments which you would never get in the man world then elements of confusion arrive. Many, many, many TV’s have had a homoerotic encounter of one type or another, it is part of their coming of age, there is a need to discover what the hell that is about. It’s a rite of passage, but of those that I have talked to (who would consider themselves heterosexual) about 80% say they would not be doing it again. Dressing allowed them to push their limits because they were running a different mindset. The other 20% do say that they realised as a result of the experience that they are bi-sexual.
Another problem is that few women are interested in having sex with a Tranny we cross too many boundaries and confuse too many of the rules that bind our society. The bulk of TV’s want sex with women but the distinction of who does what to whom and how just buggers up the whole process. (Sorry bugger is probably the wrong word.)I find it takes a very strong women to take on a Tranny because they are effectively going out with two people at the same time. So where does a Tranny who is feeling sexy and/or sexual go?
Our male side enjoys sex we don’t have as many hang ups as women have about it. Love to us is about companionship partnership sharing caring and looking after your partner.
Sex is a fantastic plus, but men also like sex for the sake of sex. Most of us are genetically programmed to want it, sorry need it! Unfortunately this results is an element of promiscuity that is frowned upon and in Tranny mode this can have many manifestations…good and bad!
This would imply that we give into our Id all the time, for some maybe but for the vast majority we make the mistake once learn and move on. The result is a phenomenal number of highly turned on Trannies wishing they could find a girl to enjoy this lifestyle. In turn they are being complimented by real women who say they look fantastic but do not want the complications of a third-party in their relationship who probably has better legs than them!
It also doesn’t help either that a large number of TV’s here in the UK go out to Gay clubs that are more welcoming and friendly to them than the straight bars and as a result are seen as going there to pick up men! They would probably like to go to a straighter (but slightly kinky) environment but don’t want the embarrassment of being vilified in public as not looking like a real woman! So they end up in the wrong place doing the wrong thing for the wrong reasons and then worrying if they have suddenly become Gay!
So to answer the question are you gay? Probably not. You are certainly not absolutely straight but you feel sexy and alive with few societal restrictions on you allowing you to do what you want. So a bit bi-sexual probably but in reality just want some fun with a real woman but sometimes something else will do!  Confused? I bloody well hope so!  XXX
A friend of mine has decided to give up dressing in order to save his relationship with a woman he loves because she cannot stand him being a Tranny, nor his Tranny friends. I do support him in this, in part, because Trannying to the bulk of us is a great pastime or hobby but not the meaning of life. When 80% of your life is spent in man mode, which you also enjoy, then why should the 20% femme side start to dominate how you should be for the whole of your life.
However from my own bitter experience I would say that whilst you can stop for a period of time I personally don’t believe you can give it up altogether. You purge your wardrobe but the urge to dress does return or at least continues to stay at the back of your mind. If you can stop I think you have a very strong mindset or a great way of controlling your inner self or you have had enough and think it was just a phase you were going through…not!Is It Me
I believe, as I have said in previous posts,  that the urge to dress is innate and manifests itself in numerous ways either as a basic desire to look a particular way that makes you feel very sexy or feminine or as a coping mechanism that lets out the feminine side of your personality allowing you to relax and live in the moment. We (Trannies) have to sate these needs from time to time and we never quite know when they will arise. But we can’t say hey darling I am going to dress every Thursday evening from 7 until 10pm. And please do not confuse this with cross-dressing which is really about sexual fantasies linked to particular items of women’s clothing.Yes we all have that in part but Transvestism is about the inner feminine side finding a way to manifest itself.
To try to ensure that we do not give in to ‘the dark side’ we purge our wardrobes, close our social media accounts and throw out any communications devices that we own that might tempt us back into this lifestyle. The act of purging in itself is quite exciting as you persuade yourself into thinking you are turning a new page in your life and you can now look forward to a life without ‘the girl’, because you have been told it’s the wrong thing to do. But in reality it does not address the core issue of why you like dressing, it only moves temptation out of sight.It does not cure anything it just hides it!
After a period of time, from my personal experience, those thoughts and the urge to dress do return. What initially prompts it can be many-fold be it the sight of a woman dressed in a particular way, home problems, personal pressures or sexual issues. The fact is that this is a side of your personality that has to exist in some form or other. It is part of your nature. Yes of course you can stop it just like drinking, smoking, coffee or sugar as it can be detrimental to your lifestyle. But denying it may, no sorry, does cause mild stress over a period of time. It nags away at the back of your mind  and the girl does need to be let out.
At first it can be just the sight of a pair of heels on a woman friend a short skirt which can start the memories flooding back. Its a day when you look in the mirror and say I can look so much better than this. Its the lack of sex for a few days/weeks that somehow gets twisted into the sexy feelings you had when dressed. Its the sudden realisation that the dinner party talk amongst your friends is no longer that exciting and you miss being able to discuss the fun of dressing up. Its an article in the news that triggers those old desires. All these things conspire to bring ‘the girl’ back into your mind. How strong and sustained these thoughts are varies but drop by drop they fill up the bucket. Eventually the bucket spills over and ‘it/she’ emerges in your thoughts. How you control this I cannot say, but it is a kind of addiction.
Trans FlagI find as I have got older the intensity of wanting to dress has waned, a little. Don’t get me wrong it is still there but the strength of the need has lessened. But I think this is more to do with the fact that nowadays I can dress when I want. I no longer have to wait weeks or months before the next dressing so the pent up frustration that is unloaded when I dress is not as powerful, or so memorable.
I can remember in the past when I had, for personal reasons, to stop dressing for 4 or 5 months and the immense release of joy/excitement I got from seeing myself dressed in the mirror after that period of time, knowing full well I was where I wanted to be, but only for a short period of time. I didn’t have to do it all the time. I was suddenly relaxed, I was able to switch off from the pressures of life and enjoy the feminine side of my personality that had been denied for so long. I knew it was wrong (as everybody seemed to tell me) but I also knew it was intrinsically right for me and I had to do it from time time.
Unfortunately this was carried out behind the back of my partner. Some say this was pure selfishness on my part and they are probably right as it was a cause for the end of a relationship, but to have denied it would have caused as many problems for me, without it I would have burst!
There are some mad/lucky Trannies who have also had these repressed feelings who, for many reasons, suddenly have the freedom (and have the money) to indulge in this activity at their whim. They are usually the ones who for a short time go absolutely mad  for it, dressing at every opportunity buying far too many clothes going out too much and ‘the girl’ dominates their waking hours. Suddenly they realise they have over indulged and immediately regress back into male mode eschewing all the fun of dressing. They take a break thinking right that’s it I have done that and its over. But it’s not.
Its good as I said in my blog A Break Is A Good Thing  to take an occasional break from dressing because it can become the norm by default. We start to do it without thinking because its a good place to be, particularly at times of stress. Having time off allows you to reflect on how deep the urge to dress is within you. We always need perspective as to why we do it.
If on reflection you find you are thoroughly frustrated at not being able to dress enough of the time then I would contend you are moving more down the TS route than the TV. ‘TV’s are blokes who like to wear a frock from time to time’ as one of my friends says. But TV’s are intrinsically happy with their male side a well, dressing is just a strong emotional outlet and a way of expressing an inner self as well as being a great relaxing mechanism. To want to dress most of the time means you are probably happier with your feminine side and as such identify much more strongly with that side/part of your personality. No you are not necessarily a woman just happier when the girl side is out. It allows you to express yourself in a way that is much more in tune with your persona. Trannies tend to be more thrill seekers who are out for a short-term hit where they can release the girl but just as easily put her back in the box. Its a fun pastime not the meaning of life.tumblr_ml9ueoJbJb1s5i28jo1_500
This however becomes even more interesting as we approach our mature days. The testosterone in our bodies starts to decline and the feminine softer side (which has always been there) emerges in a much stronger way.  There can be great conflicts between the TV and TS side as we may find more solace in the female form. Quite a few of my older Tranny friends say they would have had the chop if the whole thing was more acceptable in the past as it is today. I would say in contradiction that their bodies then were in a different chemical composition and now was not then, the testosterone caused an imbalance in one direction that now wants to rectify itself in some of us. Or we just may have more time to explore the other side at our leisure. It’s one for a future blog.
I think though being able to give up the T side is a very admirable gesture but I also believe the drive within is also very strong. The imbalance this can cause to your system can be detrimental (Assuming the drive is strong). You really do not want stress as its one of the biggest killers. You don’t want loneliness either especially away from the one you love. So a way forward will have to be found that does not mess up your mind too much..Aaargh!
We are all at different stages in our Tranny life-cycle. This is dependent upon age, life stage, cash availability, marital status and our own acceptance as to who exactly we are. Because of the competing elements of the boy and femme side we are always in a constant state of flux as what part is dominant at any point in time. The two sides don’t make easy bedfellows (even though many would kid you that they can make it work) but some of us do manage to find a happy medium…at times!
But at a certain point in our lives we do start to ask the inevitable question of where am I going with all this? The answer is probably not very far but it has been an excellent journey of self-discovery. Getting to this stage is quite an evolutionary process that from a personal point of view (and I do mean this is only my viewpoint) I have seen as going through a series of stages of enlightenment.
When it starts in your life is irrelevant. I was 9 years old when I realise there was something at odds with what others might say, a TV friend of mine however only realised it on her 52nd birthday. What is important is that you do try to understand what stage you are at and how it might develop. But I do say thus is only my take on it. I am sure others have opinions, particularly as they develop they can suddenly realise that they are more TS than TV.
I can clearly see there have been 6 stages in my Transvestite evolution. These  are not necessarily linear, they can happen concurrently and may have huge time gaps between them:
Stage 1 – Realisation
At a certain point in your life you start to realise that there are certain things about you that are not quite ‘normal’ as defined by society at that point in time. You may become interested in items of clothing, a particular type of woman a certain style that you quite admire or you just purely want to be experimental. You initially don’t understand or for that matter care but you develop a fascination in certain aspects of the woman.shutterstock_780747442
I remember as a 9-year-old going to a local theatre for the Pantomime and on going backstage I realised I had become infatuated with the pair of tights the Genie had been wearing. So much so that I persuaded my grandmother to make me a pair which I wore constantly below my trousers. They in turn were linked to my first erections and I had my first orgasm whilst wearing them. I knew this was not normal for a person of my age and as always kept my guilty secret to myself.
But the seed had been set and to this day nylon hosiery still gives me a big rush…pervert!
Stage 2 – Stirrings
From the initial rush of the new-found interest you start to experiment as you enjoy the whole range of things you can do. You add more clothes and maybe a little makeup, you might develop fetishistic tendencies for knickers, skirts, tights, heels and other items of clothing. You don’t see yourself as a Tranny yet. Instead you just see it as a phase you are going through that leads to more experimentation but you think you will eventually grow out of it.
I remember in my teenage years I would spend many hours locked in the family bathroom taking ‘long baths’ whilst actually putting on my mother’s and sister’s underwear from the laundry basket in order to satisfy a need I did not understand, to dress.
For me this is very much the crossbreeding stage where the clothes or items of clothing are a very important drive principally linked to some sexual element. The drive that makes you feel horny when dressed is mixed up with the fun of dressing and on top of that its quite naughty as well!
Many people never really leave this stage as they see this as basically a sexual release and fantasy that they can enjoy from time to time. At this stage they rarely venture onto the true femme side instead they just get some great thrills as a man wearing women’s clothing for sexual release
Stage 3 – Dressing
For so many of us however there comes a point where we decide that we want to dress as completely as we possibly can as a woman. For us it seems a logical extension of what has gone before. There is some innate drive to do it which needs to be sated. This may happen little by little, at home first a bit of lipstick then some eyeshadow later some foundation, some breasts etc. etc. etc. For others they just have to go all the way as quickly as possible.
makeman1In my case it was just a point in time when I wanted to experiment with this side. I was in my early 30’s but in those days dressing services were not as prevalent as they are today. Transformation shops were the rip-off centre of the universe before the advent of the internet but they offered a fairly unique service and helped a lot of people along the way. In my case it was a kind private house where a very caring woman who took the time to understand my request for ‘looking for something different’ and said she was going to dress me up. And that was that! Something inside me instinctively knew. That light bulb moment where things kind of fall into  place but it took a further 20 years for me to accept it!
What I did not appreciate at the time was that dressing was bringing out a side of my personality that was completely hidden in the macho, rugby playing, beer drinking, womanising, party animal, stronger alpha male society that I lived in, and enjoyed, but there was also a lot missing.
Stage 4 – Getting Out
I don’t care what anybody says, sitting at home fully dressed admiring yourself in the mirror eventually becomes boring. ‘The Girl’ has to get out and get some form of approbation from the public at large for the person they are. They need someone to say you look fantastic even if they don’t. I always got the classic “wow what great legs you have” which means “shame about the rest’  but as I progressed so they said nice wig and eventually fantastic shoes! But I was out and about at last and that was what I wanted.
Going out doesn’t have to be to standard ‘vanilla’ venues. In fact for most their first confidence building excursion is normally to a ‘T’ event. But if it goes well as my first outing, to the now defunct Philbeach, then it is a huge stepping stone and its doubtful it will stop there. Once out most want more of the exposure drug of exposing themselves. Its exciting and a little bit naughty as well as you defy normal convention.
The fact is you need to be seen. my partner Susie at Chateau Femme sees it all the time. She dresses girls a couple of times and then sees in their eyes they just need to show off, but the thought of being caught tends to keep the majority of them firmly in the shadows. It’s some inner drive that says I have put a lot of effort and a lot of risk into this and I need some people to appreciate what I have done and I get a real kick from letting others share my femme side.
I believe it is at this point where you genuinely move away from the Crossdresser and the true Transvestite comes into play. Here you are letting society see that this is a genuine part of you that can no longer be hidden in a back bedroom. The girl is out!
Stage 5 – Exploring The Dark Side
Once you are out you are now moving into the discovery zone where emotions, sexuality and exploration become very confused. Yes you think you are mature in Tranny terms because you have the guts to go out, you are fully dressed, semi-passable and can walk in heels…well almost!  But just like a 16/17 year old girl who thinks they are a woman the big wild, wild  world awaits you and there are so many experiences you have to have.
I have talked about elements of being sexy, sexuality, fetishism, kink and experimentation in other blogs so i will no go into any depths. But suffice to say there are now avenues of experimentation that you are either interested in or purely feel you have to try as part of your right of passage into Trannydom.BDSM-SHEMALE-MISTRESS
So many of these routes are dead ends as you try something just to see what it is like but you soon realise this is really not you. Simple things like you think you look stunning in that really, really short skirt and get a real sexy kick out of it until you realise when you look objectively at a photo you look like a laughing-stock, unless that is your intention. Most TV’s play with their sexuality at all times and most want to try a sexual experience with a man or other TV just to try it out. Some enjoy this but the majority just say not for me and put it down to experience. Others try BDSM, maid/sissy, fetish events, Louboutin shoes, 40s clothing, secretary, doll masks, carpet slippers, others want to give birth! These things tend to be a set of fetishistic elements that will eventually combine together to make up your Tranny persona. The girl is starting to come of age but just because you love something does not mean others do.
Stage 6 – Into The Light
OK you have experimented you have found things you love and things you don’t like. You are starting to understand your femme side, what drives it and why you are the way you are. At this stage you know what floats your boat and now you start to move down those paths. You now understand what you want to make of yourself and grow and expand these aspects in so many areas.
I have a several friends who just like to shock mildly in the knowledge that they are drawing attention to themselves. They get a kick out of going to good quality restaurants and being seen as a Tranny. They make great efforts to slightly overdress and get so many compliments it makes them want more. Their buzz is being looked at. Some got to the Ritz other go to Bethnal Green working mens club! Each has its own merits in relation to getting attention.
Another TV friend who adores going out now wants to travel en femme and then have a whole holiday as the girl side and then some as they push the envelope more and more in girl mode.
Other girls I know have a bucket list of things that they want to do over the coming months/years and are just prioritising it. Each year new things appear and are ticked off as they look for a more and more exhilarating experiences.
For many this whole rush happens in later life and it stops them from becoming the little grey man in the corner lacking identity and feeling invisible.
But then suddenly we get to a point where most of the list has been ticked off, the restaurants have been visited, the events attended and the challenges have become fewer. We then start to ask ourselves ‘where am I going with this? I have tried to answer the other part of the question that happens concurrently of ‘why am I like this’ (which I hope I have answered in previous blogs) but the question also arises where now?
It’s atypical of our male side. We get to a certain point in our lives and ask what exactly will be my contribution to society or how can I leave at least some mark on the world that I might be remembered for in future generations rather than just being another statistic. This is a philosophical question that fills far too many books. From my perspective I think if you arrive at this juncture you should sit back and enjoy the sense of achievement as to journey you have come on as well as the pure fun and relaxation that the whole Trannying lifestyle offers and not try to force it.
Stage 6 – Acceptance
So we get to this final crucial point where you have to look at things and accept them for what they are and get on with enjoying them whilst you have breath in your body. It’s a place that some may never get to as they have to deal with all the turmoil of the society, family and commitments they have. They must pursue this whole ‘thing’ behind other people’s backs living a partial lie to ensure others have a better life.
Some, if they can get over some of the guilt of the sacrifices they have made, do arrive at this Nirvana and we accept that we are a Tranny and all that goes with it. Eschewing societies need to normalise us to ‘standard male type 1’ in favour of their own prognosis of what they want.
1717110207Being a Transvestite makes us feel alive and sexy. I personally think it keeps our minds much more alert having to deal with two personalities in one head. It’s a part of you that you dip into from time to time , but you also have respect for the boy side as well. You know a balance has to be achieved. Being in girl mode allows you an intense form of relaxation, almost mindfulness. It allows you to live for a short period of time in the moment free from the shackles of a society that wants to drag you back to the humdrum. It allows you freedom to indulge in activities that you see fit your life  or particular aspects of it. It’s not going to change the world and nor are you. Instead it is going to be an incredible release for you great peace of mind and sanity!
However please do not force your perspective on others. Each of us has our own view on life. You don’t like others telling you how to behave and the reverse also applies. I personally hate watching vulgar Trannies dumping all their crap onto good honest people just because they may have become frustrated at how much they have bottled up inside them over the years. They do not want to hear a boring Tranny monologue. Learn to live alongside one another.
So enjoy the journey it is such a fun learning experience to understand yourself and to realise you are not that one-dimensional politically correct numskull that todays civilisation wants you to be.
Instead you are just plain mad! XXX
Don’t we all love how our femme side allows us to explore the nature of our own personality and sexuality. However it can also be used by us as an excuse for doing things that in male mode we would probably never venture into because we can at the end of it all blame whatever we did on the ‘girl’ and not on ourselves.
Any regular readers of this blog will know that I get a real kick I get out of the whole switch in my personality and mindset when I get into my femme mode. It releases the hidden altered freak within. In many ways it takes off the blinkers that constrain my male side making me a much more complete person. Most important of all of these it makes me feel totally relaxed sexy and very alive giving me an internal buzz that is very, very hard to describe to those that have never experienced it. You don’t know what you are missing!

This ‘mindfuck’ (as the Americans put it) can lead you down some very interesting routes as the shackles are off and you know this is only a temporary ‘experimental’ phase you are going through. It does however lead to certain speculative ventures as you try to understand and define what you are about. If like me you have tried some routes that are out and out dead ends others you come to understand are your triggers. However at the end we tend to blame the dead ends on the ‘girl’ not ourselves.


Who Is Messing With Your Mind

You dress in a provocative manner saying its just her showing off or just trying to get attention. You go to a gay club or a BDSM club you would never have visited as a man because ‘she’ allows you to do so. You go camming online because the girl just has to show off. You fancy trying sex with a man or another TV. You want to take drugs and ‘let go’. You want to put yourself in a potentially harmful situation. You want to shock people.  etc. etc. etc. These all happen behind the veil of being a TV which theoretically is not really you. The mind plays tricks all the time!
In boy mode we have inhibitions that serve as a buffer against what we consider is wrong or bad. However if these can be excused by blaming someone else for the actions in some ways this give you an opportunity for alternative fun. Blame is not an act itself but it either erodes or outright removes these inhibitions. It develops a thought pattern that allows the persons emotions to override his self control in order to achieve an often selfish end.
My girlfriend knows that all too well because I always like to put certain things into boxes, some things for him some things for her. When in Tara mode I like to act and play in a completely different way than when I am the boy. This can cover the way I dress, the way we have sex and the way I act in public. The boundaries change and sometimes the wrong actions can result. She sees it all the time when people come to her dressing service Chateau Femme. Their girl side can be 40’s Retro, Tarty, Secretarial, Bridal, Sissy, Maid, Fetish whatever but each has a strong need to let this side out. But afterwards, when they return to male mode, many have a strong sense of guilt for enjoying a pleasure that they are not meant to enjoy and are rarely allowed. That’s where blaming the girl overrides the guilt.


Its All About Me

Trannies are notoriously self-centred and narcissistic. They can use the girl to excuse any kind of behaviour. Because somehow she is telling you what to do, its her fault not mine. You start by saying well if I can’t get it here then I will try there or the mindset says I would like to try that, its only the girl speaking. How many of us talk about him or her when talking to friends? We love the separation of sexy from ordinary. You then go off and do whatever it may be saying “well I can get away with that because its the girl its not me’. But the reality is that if you are doing it behind anyone’s back its downright wrong and it is you. If you are single its fine but if you are in a relationship then there is no excuse!  Took me 20 years to realise that!  We have to start to accept the consequences of the ‘girl’s’ activities as well.

Fine if you enjoy doing it but as I have said so many times in the past you will get caught eventually, unless the whole thrill of probably being caught gets you off! And perhaps for a large number of us that is part of the excitement . As biological males we are inherent risk takers and the whole thrill of doing things that are illicit turns us on. Getting away with it probably is part of the thrill only when you are caught do you then blame it on the girl! Wrong!
Even to this day with these blogs, and a very understanding partner, I am still inherently conditioned to think that what I do is wrong, though the drive of the exciting nature of it is too strong to stop. Society tells us its wrong but our mindset says I have to do it. They are in constant battle.

I used to think that if being a Tranny was not ‘The Last Taboo’ and everybody accepted it


Just My LBD

then the want to dress would not be so much fun. It wouldn’t be so naughty. But I know now that is not the case. I have come to terms with what I am, what I like and what I should not do (regardless of whether I might want to). There is within all of us the inherent need to release the femme side (and all its concomitant circumstances) for a short period of time before returning to the male side for even more fun. But surely hurting others is not one part of the thrill.

Happy New Year XXX
It is so hard that my partner, who runs a dressing service, and I on many occasions have to support a TV who is not disclosing their alternate self to their partner. We know that it’s horrible for them for all the skullduggery and it makes us feel guilty for endorsing this deception. But the Tranny needs support and an ear to listen otherwise they would burst with all the pent-up emotion they find hard to share with others. We can help both parties in such a situation but naturally with Chateau Femme dressing service it is normally the TV that calls us first.
It does amaze me that in such so-called liberal, modern and enlightened times the subject of men dressing as women is still such a strong taboo. It has been around for thousands of years but still forces such a serious divide in a relationship that we have to hide it for risk of offending the one we love. More importantly it is so difficult for us men to open up to our partner as in many cases we are meant to be the strong (and to a certain extent silent) one in the relationship. This is particularly relevant to people over the age of 45 who were brought up in times of ‘older fashioned’ values and our friends and relations of a similar age group frown on such activities. Today’s younger generation seems to have a more open attitude or are at least are more accepting of the wide variety of alternative lifestyles to their own. The internet has a lot to answer for!
Opening up to your partner, or worse being discovered by your partner and having to answer the third degree interrogation you are going to go through, is not something I would wish on anyone. Certainly I was never prepared for it when It happened (primarily because I did not understand why I did what I did) and blustered my way into a divorce. I just could not express  why I had to do it and how it made me feel. I thank my current girlfriend for helping me come to terms with this.

couple discussing

You Must Talk About It

I have talked in previous posts about being prepared for the moment when you are discovered, but in reality this just allows you time to think things through and what your responses might be to the questions that are fired at you. It will never prepare you for the raw emotion that this kind of thing drags into the relationship and if, as in my case, it is already faltering then it can, and in many cases does, tip it over the edge.
We have to put alongside all of this the societal pressures driven by an essentially homophobic conservative media that propagates the ‘wrongness’ (if that’s a word) of what we do because we are not ‘normal’. The result is once again a part of society that has to hide itself from general view despite the fact that it is an entirely legal thing to do. Bit like being a Millwall supporter! ‘I have to do it even though it’s not right’ you say to yourself. Result stress and frustration. Not a very happy cocktail.
Even when you have discussed this between you and your partner it is going to take a long, long time for trust to return to your relationship. E£specially when this bombshell arrives after a long and seemingly good relationship. I
f you are a caring person you just don’t want to dump all of what you feel in one hit. Its better to drip it in a bit at a time. If you have been hiding it from your partner for a long time your relationship is never going to be the same again. However if the bond between you is strong enough then this is a new beginning, a way to bring some freshness and vigour to your lives and a new perspective. The dynamics may have changed but the love can still remain. Don’t look at it as starting again more a development you have to deal with. Life is not one smooth line its a series of intersections where you decide your direction.
Being quite a private person in general I still feel embarrassed about talking about being a Tranny. I have been conditioned by both society and myself about that for so so long. The guilt still remains even though I know I am over-thinking it all the time. I still worry what people are thinking and whether I am embarrassing them. It’s just s big guilt trip from time to time.
 It gets easier as time goes. You gradually open up to others, you show your partner what you have bought and very occasionally tell them that you would like to dress that evening. But there is also a huge amount of guilt at the back of my mind as to what I did and the fact that society still frowns on it. I am also loathe to become a ‘Trannybore’ who feels they have to tell everyone everything about being a Tranny (except in this Blog), when in reality it is just too much for them and the bulk of them do not want that depth of information. You are just dumping your need to tell others about being a Tranny purely because they have offered a sympathetic ear. They would like to have a conversation not a bloody monologue.
Accepting you is one thing a reasonably easy step, understanding you is completely different. How can the bald-headed, grey haired man with a paunch be the same as the blonde tight waisted short skirted Tranny sitting in front of me! How ridiculous, what the hell is he/she on about? Where do I as a female stand in this new relationship? What are they thinking?
Just as I, Tara, personally don’t get the adult baby thing so why should I expect others to get the Tranny thing. Acceptance is good enough I don’t want appreciation…well not that much!. But what would I think if an adult baby walked into my local restaurant and started acting up as they do? After all I am a guy who likes to wear a frock! Oh the duplicity of my thoughts. And so it is for everybody else.
To be honest from my personal experience I find it is only strong, open-minded women who are confident in their own sexuality and gender that can really accept a Tranny into a relationship. They can deal with the duality. The ones who are worried about who this person is, how it will affect their roles in the relationship and what friends family and neighbours might say have greater problems. They are more concerned with their status in society. They may accept it a little but deep down they worry about what others will think of them going out with a Tranny.
It’s really hard to look at this from a totally rational point of view. He is putting on clothes (and other items) that a woman wears. OK I can do that but what about the fake boobs does he want to be a woman or to attract men? Some crossdressers, I have heard,  are gay is that what my man is? Will he want to dress even more if I let him? Is this different person to the man I married? Where does this leave our relationship sexually? Just because both of you have come to terms with it, and that has probably taken you a fair bit of time, doesn’t mean that she is going to understand you over night.
Even when many have come out to their partner it is rarely fully acceptable and the partner endeavours to put limits on what the TV can do and when. However this fails to understand the depth of the drive to dress. I say this is a need not a want and on the Maslow Hierarchy of Needs this is very very high. We are talking about letting a part of your true inner self out, not a quick fix of wearing stockings!
So now we are only allowed to dress once a month well it may seem a start, but even that will have limits because we are visiting Aunty Jenny’s and you can’t have shaved legs in shorts. You definitely cannot have shaved eyebrows and please hide those clothes somewhere else. You look to compensate but once a month is suddenly not enough for the newly liberated girl. Suddenly business trips away, nights out with the lads, working late at he office all increase. The trust is broken again. This is a very deep-seated part of your personality that has to be sated by hook or by crook, and sometimes you do feel like the latter afterwards. You need consent that this is part of your life and is not just managed by her terms.

Mature Tranny

Is this so bad?

I find it very difficult to explain to someone who has never experienced their femme side. My girlfriend asked me the other day after almost 5 years of being together ‘so you feel like a women then don’t you? And that was from a woman who runs one of the leading dressing services in the UK. I said funnily enough I don’t. There is no term in English (He or She) for the Third Person because it is not a gender, note the use of person not sex which I see bandied about. I don’t feel specifically male or female and I don’t feel like some androgynous in-between. I am just a man who enjoys the whole aspect of feeling quite sexy (please not sexual) when he dresses in non-male clothes. It gives me a huge buzz and allows an aspect of my personality out, which is normally hidden.
Through the whole aspect of dressing you are releasing an inner person that in normal daily life is suppressed. In a fraught, to a large extent macho, male world dressing gives me an intense sense of focused relaxation where I live in the moment, I am quite selfish and get very frustrated if people impinge on my Tara time. There is also an element of sexy escapism. I have never felt sexy as a man but dressed I can identify with that emotion. I have found that one of the key elements of felling sexy is that you look at yourself in the mirror and you fancy the look you are putting out. My partner says she felt the same at Seventeen years old!
This brings out your other side, a different you, not a woman. It can be mistaken for an alternative person, but it’s not really its just the hidden side emerging that makes you whole and for a period of time we give over to the dark, no, pretty side! For some its a genuine form of escapism for others it’s an enhancement to their life. Whatever the reason this makes you a more complete person and your partner has to understand that trying to tame this once the cat is out of the bag is going to be very difficult. What is difficult for them is that this is not necessarily the person they know and it is such a mind fuck to understand who their partner really has become in their eyes.
Once you tell your partner your life is never going to be the same. Repeat never going to be the same. Unless you are at the start of a relationship telling them is basically going to be a break of their trust in you. This has to be healed.

Mature Blue

Why is this wrong?

I have talked to many wives who have found their husband dressed and the hardest thing for them is the bond between them has been broken. They now regard everything you do with much more suspicion than before. They will be hurt and possibly be appalled by you. They may be vengeful, they may want the distance in the bedroom or in the house. They may want a divorce or trial separation. Above all they are not just going to shrug their shoulders and say ah well! Do not delude yourself it will be alright with little or no effort on your part! You have to work at it of you want the relationship to survive. I am not going to try to tell you how to get round this. I am no role model. I messed up big time.
You may need some counselling or mediation which is good but a nightmare to open up again to a third-party. Your biggest problem is that you have become so used to hiding your feelings, activities and actions that it is now second nature to you. Overcoming the reticence to talk about this ‘shameful’ hobby is not easy because you have run effectively two lives.
My problem is that being a man I like putting things into boxes and I like the two lives syndrome. I enjoy taking Tara out of the box changing my mindset and then putting her back to be enjoyed another day. Its something special not everyday. Yes she is constantly at the back of the mind day in day out but purely just ticking over ready to rise up when I can fully dress. This is when the true mindset emerges. But to Mr Box Man this is part of the fun. The Change. I don’t think my girlfriend really understands the buzz I get from this transfer. I like to take my time over it and love the whole experience of planning it. However if I did it all the time then there would be diminishing returns for me.
I understand that for others the drive is even stronger and to them it becomes an essential part of their daily life. It gives them a form and identity that is so much better than their dull ‘grey man’. In many, particularly those of more mature years, it also gives them some new sense of purpose. To many it gives them a sexual release that they cannot get elsewhere. Others like me just like the buzz of it all.
No two Trannies are identical in what their dressing does to them and how they go about it. What it is, is a great voyage of discovery that is essentially theirs and theirs alone. Bringing it into a relationship will change things forever but it has to be done for your own sanity. XXX
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