Tara's Transvestite Blog

Don’t we all love how our femme side allows us to explore the nature of our own personality and sexuality. However it can also be used by us as an excuse for doing things that in male mode we would probably never venture into because we can at the end of it all blame whatever we did on the ‘girl’ and not on ourselves.

Any regular readers of this blog will know that I get a real kick I get out of the whole switch in my personality and mindset when I get into my femme mode. It releases the hidden altered freak within. In many ways it takes off the blinkers that constrain my male side making me a much more complete person. Most important of all of these it makes me feel totally relaxed sexy and very alive giving me an internal buzz that is very, very hard to describe to those that have never experienced it. You don’t know what you are missing!

This ‘mindfuck’ (as the Americans put it) can lead you down some very interesting routes as the shackles are off and you know this is only a temporary ‘experimental’ phase you are going through. It does however lead to certain speculative ventures as you try to understand and define what you are about. If like me you have tried some routes that are out and out dead ends others you come to understand are your triggers. However at the end we tend to blame the dead ends on the ‘girl’ not ourselves.

You dress in a provocative manner saying its just her showing off or just trying to get attention. You go to a gay club or a BDSM club you would never have visited as a man because ‘she’ allows you to do so. You go camming online because the girl just has to show off. You fancy trying sex with a man or another TV. You want to take drugs and ‘let go’. You want to put yourself in a potentially harmful situation. You want to shock people.  etc. etc. etc. These all happen behind the veil of being a TV which theoretically is not really you. The mind plays tricks all the time!

In boy mode we have inhibitions that serve as a buffer against what we consider is wrong or bad. However if these can be excused by blaming someone else for the actions in some ways this give you an opportunity for alternative fun. Blame is not an act itself but it either erodes or outright removes these inhibitions. It develops a thought pattern that allows the persons emotions to override his self control in order to achieve an often selfish end.

My girlfriend knows that all too well because I always like to put certain things into boxes, some things for him some things for her. When in Tara mode I like to act and play in a completely different way than when I am the boy. This can cover the way I dress, the way we have sex and the way I act in public. The boundaries change and sometimes the wrong actions can result. She sees it all the time when people come to her dressing service Chateau Femme. Their girl side can be 40’s Retro, Tarty, Secretarial, Bridal, Sissy, Maid, Fetish whatever but each has a strong need to let this side out. But afterwards, when they return to male mode, many have a strong sense of guilt for enjoying a pleasure that they are not meant to enjoy and are rarely allowed. That’s where blaming the girl overrides the guilt.

Trannies are notoriously self-centred and narcissistic. They can use the girl to excuse any kind of behaviour. Because somehow she is telling you what to do, its her fault not mine. You start by saying well if I can’t get it here then I will try there or the mindset says I would like to try that, its only the girl speaking. How many of us talk about him or her when talking to friends? We love the separation of sexy from ordinary. You then go off and do whatever it may be saying “well I can get away with that because its the girl its not me’. But the reality is that if you are doing it behind anyone’s back its downright wrong and it is you. If you are single its fine but if you are in a relationship then there is no excuse!  Took me 20 years to realise that!  We have to start to accept the consequences of the ‘girl’s’ activities as well.

Fine if you enjoy doing it but as I have said so many times in the past you will get caught eventually, unless the whole thrill of probably being caught gets you off! And perhaps for a large number of us that is part of the excitement . As biological males we are inherent risk takers and the whole thrill of doing things that are illicit turns us on. Getting away with it probably is part of the thrill only when you are caught do you then blame it on the girl! Wrong!

Even to this day with these blogs, and a very understanding partner, I am still inherently conditioned to think that what I do is wrong, though the drive of the exciting nature of it is too strong to stop. Society tells us its wrong but our mindset says I have to do it. They are in constant battle.

I used to think that if being a Tranny was not ‘The Last Taboo’ and everybody accepted it

then the want to dress would not be so much fun. It wouldn’t be so naughty. But I know now that is not the case. I have come to terms with what I am, what I like and what I should not do (regardless of whether I might want to). There is within all of us the inherent need to release the femme side (and all its concomitant circumstances) for a short period of time before returning to the male side for even more fun. But surely hurting others is not one part of the thrill.

Happy New Year XXX