One of my biggest worries about many of the Trannies I meet is that the drive to dress is such a dominant factor in their lives that it becomes an all too consuming passion. It almost like a drug. We start down a fun narrow path and then suddenly we realise we are hooked. We start to think, when are we next going out, when can we next go shopping, what about that dress on eBay, what will I wear, what about that You Tube video on make-up, what is happening on social media, who am I going to meet etc. tumblr_lfjcc6SuDQ1qaycf7o1_500
As I have always said I am sure our mindset changes when we dress. A new personality emerges and we love that person and so look forward to being the girl as soon as time allows, and we have to dress for our own sanity. It can become such a driving, motivating force in our lives that it can consume all objectivity. We start to look at women not as people we are attracted to but as clothes horses. How are they wearing their dresses how are they carrying themselves how do they talk to people. We enjoy enrolling in the new personality of ‘the girl’ which gives us great escapism. We enjoy the ‘naughtiness’ the ‘sexiness’ and the ‘change’. This approach can bugger up any chances of having a meaningful relationship with a woman..if you want one like I do!
Our wardrobes become full of looks we would love to try but, because we don’t get out enough we tend to revert to our ‘standard” or default mode when we do. For example I have several pairs of very tight trousers and love the ‘jegging’ look but so rarely try it out because my best feature is my legs but they look sooo good in a short skirt or dress and I do love the sensation of stockings or tights. Result too many unused clothes dominating my life. Too much clutter in your life. Too much money spent on the pursuit of the unachievable.
The question is when does a fun pastime becoming an obsessional and all pervasive lifestyle? My answer is that when the ‘girl’ starts to rule your decisions on your life then its time to take a hard look at what this means to you. If your nights out, your nights in, your holidays, your time on social media and your shopping are all dominated by ‘the girl’ then s doing you have to take a major step back from it and get some balance. Life is all about positive choices and behaviour not just giving into the slightest whim  You have to make a pact with yourself, and, if you are lucky enough to have one your partner, what part of the TV element is with you.
I and my partner agreed that in order to stop this becoming too pervasive in our life we have to have some parameters. In our case this not because Tara was becoming obsessional for me but purely because we were trying to do too much in all aspects of our lives and were so tired and exhausted that our time together was suffering. Others will suffer the same for different reasons.
So we set some basic boundaries I would dress once a week either with her or on my own and I would go out once a month again with her or on my own. The rest would be much more flexible but we agreed that it would be planned together not just Tara getting her own way…watch this space to see how we cope.
There is also an issue of trust here particularly if you are going out on your own. That is the basis of any relationship and something I broke in the past and from that point there was little hope of reconciliation. If you have shared with your partner that your femme side exists then you have to stop being too bloody selfish. Just because its out does not mean you are now given Carte Blanche to let the girl run amok with whoever whatever and whenever she wants. This is particularly important when embracing your femme personality. Too many times do I see men who by putting on the ‘girl’ suddenly can create a new identity that they can hide behind. Suddenly because it’s not really them they can be much more experimental, they can try fantasies they would never indulge as the boy. They think that by putting a wig on they are a different person and when they take it off they can be excused as they are no longer ‘the girl’. It is amazing how we can put things into exclusive boxes. Wrong, if you think like this you are deluding yourself.
tumblr_ljupucNFkB1qafi01o1_500This is clearly your decision. Mine is simple If I go out and do something that I would never do in my male life then I am breaking a bond between myself and my partner. In the past I thought I could do this as I said it was not me just ‘the girl’ having fun and I would be back in the morning…doh!
The question though is how far can this be pushed as Tara is a much more interesting and fun loving person than the male (yawn). She feels sexier she feels more alive more willing to take on new challenges and has a much more devil may care attitude. She loves the fact that the dynamics of the environment she is ‘operating; have changed. No longer as the male is she expected to decide what to do, how to get there and have to make the first approaches in conversation. She loves to be noticed for what she is wearing and now gives compliments freely to others, particularly to women because she knows how long it took them to get ready. Her conversation is broader and can cover subjects the man could not possibly cover in his rather limited highly constrained testosterone world. Because she is neither man nor woman she can set her own agenda. Through this she can find a different type of satisfaction than that as just the ‘man’ .
Its that old Ying and Yang concept . The old ‘to every action there is an equal and opposite reaction’ or ‘we need the opposite to be a complete the self’. In my case I see its Karma or balance. Too long straight-jacketed into the macho male side when there is a feminine part that needs to get out. The one thing however is that it does not create that bollocks of calm inner peace. Nope its a constant fight between what society in general expects us to be and the raving libidinist within. If you think I am going to spend all that time getting ready to sit like a shrinking violet in the corner forget it! There is a different animal emerging there!
One aspect of this however is nothing compares to the adrenalin rush of your first time out. Your senses on red alert everything being micro analysed and its a very big rush. If it was just about dressing then we would be happy to stay at home. Its like athletes who become hooked to the adrenalin hit they get from extreme exercise. Even to this day the rush you get from walking down the street in high heels knowing you are being clocked all the way is a weird hair shirt to wear. We were out with a good TV friend the other night and she told us how she adored her first time out and just adored being noticed so much so she started to be become more and more experimental in where she went eventually going into the roughest of working mens clubs to get a drink just for effect! Ironically it was in these establishments she got more respect and less abuse than in many of the Gay and Trans venues she normally frequented. She put it down the fact that she did not affront the men in those clubs as much as she queered the pitch for what the gay and TS people did.890aee849fccf989692716e407130083
My partner Susie who runs her Chateau Femme dressing service finds so many frustrated girls arriving for an appointment in their fifties to dress in front of someone for the first time. There are a number of reasons why they come to it so late. Life circumstances have changed, the acceptance it is a part of them, the drop in testosterone levels now saying they wnat to open up their female side all contrubute to this decision to come to a dressing service. I would say in 90% ofcases they do find real contentment by embracing their femme side but also regret they did not do it earlier. Then of course many want to go out and the whole dynamics of their life changes and the ‘drug’ sets in and like a drug can lead to further experimenting as you look for a new high. Suddenly things become all pervasive and they have found a new meaning. In quite a large number of cases this leads to Transsexualism and they realise they are a girl trapped in a man’s body. For many its a rite of passage to try new experiences. But can some people become addicted this? I maintain the answer is yes, particularly if they have addictive personalities. But to the vast malority of us it is about achieving a balance and minor experiments do not lead to a long term addiction just make sure you get the balance in your whole life not just the girl.
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