Tara's Transvestite Blog

Relaxation – I have come to realise that the greatest positive I have gained from dressing has been the ability to completely switch off when en femme. To me its a form of mindfulness when I can live in the moment, I call it a blonde moment, because I find it impossible, for example, to cook when dressed as this needs some forward planning! It is at times an intensely personal, selfish thing. In my early days of dressing I used to long to go out. Nowadays I enjoy evenings dressed on my own just as much. Not that I don’t like going out but an evening getting in touch with your femme side with no outside distractions allows you to pursue a myriad of ideas that you may have without anyone judging you for what you are. It allows the feminine, the sexy and the downright outrageous aspects of your personality to have full sway over what you do without incumbencies. So liberating and deeply relaxing.

Stress Busting – this is closely allied to the former but it is more to do with a coping strategy. In this busy never-off society we all need to find ways to switch-off. Most of us get wound up in the stressful nature of today’s society and especially when things go wrong many of us do have ways to get away from it all. For some its exercise, others cooking, a special hobby, sport or other such activities. I found dressing as my mechanism of choice as an exhibitionist way of reducing pressure. It allows us to take the strain out of life for a short while and enjoy oneself, appreciate why we are living and indulge both the mind and body in positive things.

Confidence – going out in a frock and high heels is a most daunting task, even for the practiced. Admittedly you overthink things at times and that causes anxiety. But when you have done this then the more mundane things you might have thought ‘risky’ pale very rapidly into insignificance. I remember one of our girls telling us how she had landed a plane in a Force 8 gale on an aircraft carrier in a sea pitching 50 meters and that she was far more scared of going out due to its unpredictable nature. This in turn puts other risks, decisions and life changing moves into perspective. The old adage of ‘what is the worst thing that could happen’ is of paramount importance. I find that aspect brings added confidence to my life in general. Once you have faced up to many of your inner worries then other things come more naturally and you worry less about the consequences.

Socialising – because of the common thing we Trannies share (dressing) I have met so many people from such a wide diversity of life that to be honest I would never really have met in boy mode. You just did not mix or go to the same places, nor meet as tolerant a group of people. TV’s  don’t have the myopia of the increasingly closed social groups fostered by Social Media. If it ain’t what I and my friends like then it ain’t for me is a regular thing we hear. Having a common pastime means you have a new bond with so many different types of people. In my group alone I have  Electricians, an Insurance Agent, several Builders, a Merchant Banker,  a conductor, Servicemen, Warehousemen, Doctors, Taxi Drivers Lawyers, Civil Servants even a Banker from Egypt. The list goes on and on and is so diverse all with one commonality, a feminine side that needs expression. This gives you a much better perspective on life and a more open attitude to society than you would have had you hunkered down with your middle class, rugger buggers at the local pub. The expression ‘we are the same but not the same comes to mind’.

Relationships – without this side to me I would never have met the my partner my LOML whom I met at a Tranny event after I came back from a long sojourn in France. She runs the Chateau Femme Dressing Service (ironically never had the chance to avail myself of these facilities!) The relationship like any TV/Boy and girl one has never been perfectly smooth (or straight) even to someone who absolutely adores Trannies! We all have our foibles that are not to everybody’s taste. But through it all It has also helped me understand what people should expect in a relationship. Not something that is the ideal written about in books or magazines but a flawed thing where the partners understand each other, give each other space and don’t judge each other by what society tells them their partner should be. On top of that you have to learn to talk to each other very openly, and for a person who comes from a ‘man up’ family background and ‘keep it to yourself’ this very very difficult and will always be a work in progress.

Understanding Sexuality and Gender – we all get caught up in the questions of who we are and why are we like we are. The great thing that dressing has allowed me is to accept all aspects of humanity and make me realise that to put anyone, including myself into a specific box is completely wrong. We are similar but different. Also to see sexuality as purely Hetero or Gay is also a load of bollocks. Its a continuum that we move up and down throughout at all times all of our lives. We all change according to situation, needs circumstances, appeal and most of all mindset. I appreciate that there is a biological male and female but few talk about what the mindset of a male and female is because its not so cut and dried. I have never regarded myself as Female but have a huge feminine aspect to my personality. I love the softer aspect it brings and the more flamboyant nature of exhibiting myself in ‘alternative’ look. I love the whole aspect of gender play from dressing to mindset it brings with it so many diverse options.

Flirting – OK we are not meant to talk about this taboo subject but these are different times. so sod it. Yes I love the whole sexy aspect of dressing. I say to my girlfriend that I get this wonderful internal buzz from dressing that I never have in male mode and it makes me a bit flirty. In my early days this took me down some dark roads never to be walked again. But this is all part of a voyage of self-discovery. My girlfriend says it like when she was a 17 year old where everything is new and life’s opportunities open up. Things have to be explored, including far too short skirts! But flirting is such a great game, it no longer leads to a Home Run (not even base 1) but it s a great little sport that almost every Tranny enjoys. Treat it as a sport though not a way to bed. You get appreciation for how you look from women, admirers and other Trannies, we all crave a bit of that. I particularly appreciate those from women who know how long the look took me to do. Then a conversation is built on banter and sexual undertones and that creates a charged frisson in the air. Gives one a real bounce at the end of the night. But be realistic this is a kind of fantasy existence and it all comes off at midnight so don’t let the fun spoil the comedown! Its such great fun to play with the head, a ‘mind fuck’ but believe me the illusion is so much better than the reality.

The Journey – as with anyone I am jealous of those who those who are just embarking on this wonderful bumpy ride. When I started the internet was in its infancy and we had little knowledge of who was out there and what they were doing. It was all too focused on sex and not the fun of what we do. The two aspects got too muddled. Now its more mainstream its not quite as ‘naughty’ as it was and is therefore more acceptable. Today information abounds and the help we can get is incredible. But the real fun is how you develop your Tranny side from dreadful make up and underwear to the beautiful phoenix that arises from so many appalling bonfire. We learn we improve we move on. This voyage of self-discovery is not all pluses, it cost me a marriage , a destruction of trust, times of shame and occasional regret. But it has also brought a greater recognition of myself, some mad sexy evenings, a better appreciation of life and finally much greater inner calm.

Understanding Me Better (though not totally) – part of the fun of writing these blogs has been coming to terms with who I am rather than the person society made me become. There are various things that mold you such as age, circumstances, life changes etc. But there are also innate things within you that have as strong a hold on your person. I have realised I have two strong personas in me. The Boy/Man who has a strong, rational, planner mentality (quite OCD) and the counterbalance creative, mad OTT femme side. I think this just creates the balance that we obviously need the Yin and Yang of life. I sense that those that don’t have this balance will be quite stressed a lot of the time. Women probably have this more than men as they may feel less compelled to fit into a very restrictive mold that is given to them by their biological peers. I think we could write a bloody thesis on this subject. Suffice to say by understanding the two sides of my nature I think I am a more complete person, though I doubt my girlfriend would say that when the grumpy controlling autocrat is out!

Society Has Changed For The Better – For all the faults we see in today’s society and the rose tinted older people who say ‘it was better in my day’, today s society is a much, much more tolerant, benevolent place than it was when I first started dressing. Yes there is still prejudice and wrong assumptions about, but it is far, far less than it was believe me. People, particularly the young are receptive and tolerant of other people’s quirks, as society fragments into more and more smaller tribes and groups so the ‘oddball’ is accepted and largely encouraged. I do however worry about today’s liberal left ‘Woke’ generation that is now blocking expression unless it conforms to what they think. In its turn this will come to haunt us. For the moment thank you to society…in general!