I was reading a piece by Matthew Parrish in The Times about how good Tom Daley’s You Tube video was for coming out about his bisexuality. I was all praise for him as well, but the more important part of the article for me and my relationship to transvestism was Parrish’s own regret that he had not come out earlier in his life. He talks about the anguish of living a quiet unspoken lie and how much the stress was on his life and relationships. He also talked about the lifting of a burden when they finally came out.
I thought ‘mate you had it lucky’ transvestites are in an even worse place than you. You may live with your partner who knows about you being gay because you can talk things through. Imagine if you are in the same situation as a tranny! There are lots of married gays in a far worse position than you and they are living a lie. But most Trannies are at heart heterosexual or mainly on the side of heterosexuality even though they may indulge when in alternative practices when dressed.
I was living in a marriage where I loved my partner, I did not consider myself gay just experimented when dressed as Tara as the mask allowed me to engage in many things I always wanted to try. Tara as an alter ego was able to do that. It was me exercising another part of my brain/sexuality/sensuality. At the end I realised I was a person who just loved ‘women’…in all their guises.
The hardest thing for my wife was when she found out about Tara (and it was by accident when she went through my Filofax) was that I had hidden it from her for so long. OK there were enough hints over the years but she trusted that what I was telling her was the truth and our marriage was based on an honest partnership. I had been lying, I had been visiting Mistresses and Dressing Services on the fly spending our money, well credit card money, without telling her. It was the break in trust that hurt the most to her, and I have heard the same thing from countless other Trannies and their partners.

On top of this, as time went on, the pressure and stress of not letting Tara out started to wear on our marriage. Tara is a sexual beast and is an alternative outlet for fun. If I was not getting sex at home then Tara came out more and more as a release. I would become more withdrawn and so less fun so more Tara and so on. Ironically nowadays with a new girlfriend who adores Tara I satisfy the sexual urges in a traditional way and the urge to bring Tara out subsides. With my new partner Tara is emerging as a new animal…which is good for my advanced years!
But this advanced age reminds me of the stress Parrish went through. It clouds your judgement, it makes you tetchy and withdrawn, it stops objective rational thinking as you are driven by your second brain. It makes you take risks, bad ones, and it means you are not living a complete life. Above all as Parrish says you just wish you had done it earlier.
I used to counsel so many TV’s to think long and hard before they told their wives as the majority of women just don’t get it. They want the strong arms hairy chest into which they can cry that is protecting them from the world. Saying oh I just adore wearing high heels and stockings just does not sit right. More importantly the amount of women who like (as opposed to tolerate) Trannies are few and far between.

I used to say don’t do it for these reasons. But I have changed and it is because of the stress elements and how they affected me and my relationship. I often wonder if I had not been so stressed about Tara how things would have turned out. Suffice to say the inevitable happened because I could not talk about it, bottled it up and never explained it to my wife. If you are in this situation a good book for her to read is Karen Adler book Something To Confess
Product DetailsLife is now sooooo much better. I have someone who understands Tara and loves to see her being out. I feel like a massive weight has been removed from my life and I wake up each day smiling and go to bed smiling. But I regret that this did not happen 20 years ago!

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