Tag Archive: Transvestism


I am fed up with people putting me down because I call myself a Transvestite or a Tranny which many see as a rather vulgar and demeaning word. It’s not. This in my opinion shows they lack the understanding of the words their heritage and how our TS sisters on the other side of the pond, in particular, have come to bastardise their meaning due to their own misuse of the vernacular in pursuit of a very different agenda to our own.
The dictionary defines a Transvestite as a crossdresser, someone who wears clothing from the opposite sex for psychological reasons. Then some definitions (particularly American) add the line ‘for sexual gratification’. It may be all of these it may be some but the reality is that its a catchall for trying to simplify something that is not simple, which I hope I have demonstrated in these blogs. Its wrong and lacks an understanding of where the words came from and how they have come to be used or is that abused.Angry Woman. Furious Girl. Negative Emotions. Bad Days. Bad Mood
Let us look at the history. Transvestism wasn’t really coined as a term before 1911 and the word has gone through several changes since originally being for a medical disorder, or the sexual interest in crossdressing also known as transvestic fetishism. The word crossdresser did not originate until the 1970’s but the fact that some of these people linked dressing to erotic fantasies meant that Transvestites got a bad name for themselves. Seeing a 6 foot, 90kg bloke in short leopard print dresses unable to walk in high heels and a cheap wig did not help!
As a result, particularly in the USA, calling someone a Tranny or Transvestite was used as a derogatory term. It also got messed up with all the other Trans (Transsexual, Transgender) groups where anybody with a ‘trans something’ in front of them was called a Tranny. They lumped us all together to start with. The Transgendered community in particular hated being associated with ‘dressing’ and its sexual (not gender) elements and set about degrading it for their own purposes as it was not what they were about.
On top of this the multitude of definitions in the last few years has blossomed to become so mixed up particularly with the growth of Transgender and Transsexual identities that we have been incorporated into a smaller group in which we do not belong.
Amongst all of this the Transvestite and Crossdressing activities have been relatively subsumed and deemed irrelevant to the TS’s which queers their pitch as society wakes up to this intersex debate. Transgendered people are fighting for their identity which is highly laudable but not at the expense of being downright insulting to a strand that in actual fact is a much, much bigger percentage of the population. Trannies are looking for a form of expression for their personality leave them alone.
The problem is that we Transvestites are not part of this group we don’t want to be full-time women. In fact it was the TS community that were wrongly labeled with the word Tranny which belongs to our group. Our issue is more an identity issue not a gender thing. To make matters even worse, in my experience, is that our group outings give transsexuals an early solace for them to express their identity only for us to discarded with relative venom as they realise they are different. How many times have I been told by a TS who I have nurtured but you are not a woman ‘I am’ . You are bloody right I am a Tranny and stop bastardising my definition just because it doesn’t suit you. Get your own vernacular and leave ours alone! You may have gender dysphoria but we embrace the femme side of life alongside our male side. Nicely balanced!
Basic RGBSo now let’s try to define ourselves to the world as clearly as we can. In this way we should become more acceptable and palatable to a wider consensus who currently see what we do as more of a perversion (well the over 40’s do!). I believe that for the majority of us dressing or crossdressing in whatever form releases another aspect of our personality. Yes it could have a sexual element (is that really so bad?) but the true part it allows is the release of the feminine side of our mindset as a counterbalance to a male role that we have been conditioned to be by society. Roles for us are too strict we need broader acceptance.
I am of course going to immediately argue that the definition is still to simple as so many Tv’s say to me there is more than one side to my Tranny personality and the style of dress I adopt releases a particular aspect of their persona which is hidden. Dressing is that trigger for an inner self that lies hidden. Yes I may dress in a shorter skirt today because I feel sexy. Tomorrow it will be a longer dress because I feel classy and the next day its a simple set of jeans and boots because I feel incredibly relaxed when wearing them. It’s a great switch off mechanism.
I am going to stop there and let the debate begin because this is getting into the realms of an essay for the British Psychological Journal. I want to help people understand themselves not bore them to death like a Wagner Opera! Oops now pissing off the opera buffs as well!
All I want to do is establish that being a Transvestite is a good thing for both the Tranny and those around them. They tend to be soft creatures much less outspoken and more accepting than their TS counterparts. Their time is spent in sexy contemplation of being able to release the femme aspect of their personality. They love to indulge in the fun aspects of their life that they can’t do with the lads who have a very different mindset.
So please allow us to own the words Transvestite and Tranny and don’t denigrate them to match your personal and political machinations. We Trannies need our identifying marks as well. We are the silent majority that just gets on with being ourselves. As they say you never really win an argument by being rude about others xxx
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We are all at different stages in our Tranny life-cycle. This is dependent upon age, life stage, cash availability, marital status and our own acceptance as to who exactly we are. Because of the competing elements of the boy and femme side we are always in a constant state of flux as what part is dominant at any point in time. The two sides don’t make easy bedfellows (even though many would kid you that they can make it work) but some of us do manage to find a happy medium…at times!
But at a certain point in our lives we do start to ask the inevitable question of where am I going with all this? The answer is probably not very far but it has been an excellent journey of self-discovery. Getting to this stage is quite an evolutionary process that from a personal point of view (and I do mean this is only my viewpoint) I have seen as going through a series of stages of enlightenment.
When it starts in your life is irrelevant. I was 9 years old when I realise there was something at odds with what others might say, a TV friend of mine however only realised it on her 52nd birthday. What is important is that you do try to understand what stage you are at and how it might develop. But I do say thus is only my take on it. I am sure others have opinions, particularly as they develop they can suddenly realise that they are more TS than TV.
I can clearly see there have been 6 stages in my Transvestite evolution. These  are not necessarily linear, they can happen concurrently and may have huge time gaps between them:
Stage 1 – Realisation
At a certain point in your life you start to realise that there are certain things about you that are not quite ‘normal’ as defined by society at that point in time. You may become interested in items of clothing, a particular type of woman a certain style that you quite admire or you just purely want to be experimental. You initially don’t understand or for that matter care but you develop a fascination in certain aspects of the woman.shutterstock_780747442
I remember as a 9-year-old going to a local theatre for the Pantomime and on going backstage I realised I had become infatuated with the pair of tights the Genie had been wearing. So much so that I persuaded my grandmother to make me a pair which I wore constantly below my trousers. They in turn were linked to my first erections and I had my first orgasm whilst wearing them. I knew this was not normal for a person of my age and as always kept my guilty secret to myself.
But the seed had been set and to this day nylon hosiery still gives me a big rush…pervert!
Stage 2 – Stirrings
From the initial rush of the new-found interest you start to experiment as you enjoy the whole range of things you can do. You add more clothes and maybe a little makeup, you might develop fetishistic tendencies for knickers, skirts, tights, heels and other items of clothing. You don’t see yourself as a Tranny yet. Instead you just see it as a phase you are going through that leads to more experimentation but you think you will eventually grow out of it.
I remember in my teenage years I would spend many hours locked in the family bathroom taking ‘long baths’ whilst actually putting on my mother’s and sister’s underwear from the laundry basket in order to satisfy a need I did not understand, to dress.
For me this is very much the crossbreeding stage where the clothes or items of clothing are a very important drive principally linked to some sexual element. The drive that makes you feel horny when dressed is mixed up with the fun of dressing and on top of that its quite naughty as well!
Many people never really leave this stage as they see this as basically a sexual release and fantasy that they can enjoy from time to time. At this stage they rarely venture onto the true femme side instead they just get some great thrills as a man wearing women’s clothing for sexual release
Stage 3 – Dressing
For so many of us however there comes a point where we decide that we want to dress as completely as we possibly can as a woman. For us it seems a logical extension of what has gone before. There is some innate drive to do it which needs to be sated. This may happen little by little, at home first a bit of lipstick then some eyeshadow later some foundation, some breasts etc. etc. etc. For others they just have to go all the way as quickly as possible.
makeman1In my case it was just a point in time when I wanted to experiment with this side. I was in my early 30’s but in those days dressing services were not as prevalent as they are today. Transformation shops were the rip-off centre of the universe before the advent of the internet but they offered a fairly unique service and helped a lot of people along the way. In my case it was a kind private house where a very caring woman who took the time to understand my request for ‘looking for something different’ and said she was going to dress me up. And that was that! Something inside me instinctively knew. That light bulb moment where things kind of fall into  place but it took a further 20 years for me to accept it!
What I did not appreciate at the time was that dressing was bringing out a side of my personality that was completely hidden in the macho, rugby playing, beer drinking, womanising, party animal, stronger alpha male society that I lived in, and enjoyed, but there was also a lot missing.
Stage 4 – Getting Out
I don’t care what anybody says, sitting at home fully dressed admiring yourself in the mirror eventually becomes boring. ‘The Girl’ has to get out and get some form of approbation from the public at large for the person they are. They need someone to say you look fantastic even if they don’t. I always got the classic “wow what great legs you have” which means “shame about the rest’  but as I progressed so they said nice wig and eventually fantastic shoes! But I was out and about at last and that was what I wanted.
Going out doesn’t have to be to standard ‘vanilla’ venues. In fact for most their first confidence building excursion is normally to a ‘T’ event. But if it goes well as my first outing, to the now defunct Philbeach, then it is a huge stepping stone and its doubtful it will stop there. Once out most want more of the exposure drug of exposing themselves. Its exciting and a little bit naughty as well as you defy normal convention.
The fact is you need to be seen. my partner Susie at Chateau Femme sees it all the time. She dresses girls a couple of times and then sees in their eyes they just need to show off, but the thought of being caught tends to keep the majority of them firmly in the shadows. It’s some inner drive that says I have put a lot of effort and a lot of risk into this and I need some people to appreciate what I have done and I get a real kick from letting others share my femme side.
I believe it is at this point where you genuinely move away from the Crossdresser and the true Transvestite comes into play. Here you are letting society see that this is a genuine part of you that can no longer be hidden in a back bedroom. The girl is out!
Stage 5 – Exploring The Dark Side
Once you are out you are now moving into the discovery zone where emotions, sexuality and exploration become very confused. Yes you think you are mature in Tranny terms because you have the guts to go out, you are fully dressed, semi-passable and can walk in heels…well almost!  But just like a 16/17 year old girl who thinks they are a woman the big wild, wild  world awaits you and there are so many experiences you have to have.
I have talked about elements of being sexy, sexuality, fetishism, kink and experimentation in other blogs so i will no go into any depths. But suffice to say there are now avenues of experimentation that you are either interested in or purely feel you have to try as part of your right of passage into Trannydom.BDSM-SHEMALE-MISTRESS
So many of these routes are dead ends as you try something just to see what it is like but you soon realise this is really not you. Simple things like you think you look stunning in that really, really short skirt and get a real sexy kick out of it until you realise when you look objectively at a photo you look like a laughing-stock, unless that is your intention. Most TV’s play with their sexuality at all times and most want to try a sexual experience with a man or other TV just to try it out. Some enjoy this but the majority just say not for me and put it down to experience. Others try BDSM, maid/sissy, fetish events, Louboutin shoes, 40s clothing, secretary, doll masks, carpet slippers, others want to give birth! These things tend to be a set of fetishistic elements that will eventually combine together to make up your Tranny persona. The girl is starting to come of age but just because you love something does not mean others do.
Stage 6 – Into The Light
OK you have experimented you have found things you love and things you don’t like. You are starting to understand your femme side, what drives it and why you are the way you are. At this stage you know what floats your boat and now you start to move down those paths. You now understand what you want to make of yourself and grow and expand these aspects in so many areas.
I have a several friends who just like to shock mildly in the knowledge that they are drawing attention to themselves. They get a kick out of going to good quality restaurants and being seen as a Tranny. They make great efforts to slightly overdress and get so many compliments it makes them want more. Their buzz is being looked at. Some got to the Ritz other go to Bethnal Green working mens club! Each has its own merits in relation to getting attention.
Another TV friend who adores going out now wants to travel en femme and then have a whole holiday as the girl side and then some as they push the envelope more and more in girl mode.
Other girls I know have a bucket list of things that they want to do over the coming months/years and are just prioritising it. Each year new things appear and are ticked off as they look for a more and more exhilarating experiences.
For many this whole rush happens in later life and it stops them from becoming the little grey man in the corner lacking identity and feeling invisible.
But then suddenly we get to a point where most of the list has been ticked off, the restaurants have been visited, the events attended and the challenges have become fewer. We then start to ask ourselves ‘where am I going with this? I have tried to answer the other part of the question that happens concurrently of ‘why am I like this’ (which I hope I have answered in previous blogs) but the question also arises where now?
It’s atypical of our male side. We get to a certain point in our lives and ask what exactly will be my contribution to society or how can I leave at least some mark on the world that I might be remembered for in future generations rather than just being another statistic. This is a philosophical question that fills far too many books. From my perspective I think if you arrive at this juncture you should sit back and enjoy the sense of achievement as to journey you have come on as well as the pure fun and relaxation that the whole Trannying lifestyle offers and not try to force it.
Stage 6 – Acceptance
So we get to this final crucial point where you have to look at things and accept them for what they are and get on with enjoying them whilst you have breath in your body. It’s a place that some may never get to as they have to deal with all the turmoil of the society, family and commitments they have. They must pursue this whole ‘thing’ behind other people’s backs living a partial lie to ensure others have a better life.
Some, if they can get over some of the guilt of the sacrifices they have made, do arrive at this Nirvana and we accept that we are a Tranny and all that goes with it. Eschewing societies need to normalise us to ‘standard male type 1’ in favour of their own prognosis of what they want.
1717110207Being a Transvestite makes us feel alive and sexy. I personally think it keeps our minds much more alert having to deal with two personalities in one head. It’s a part of you that you dip into from time to time , but you also have respect for the boy side as well. You know a balance has to be achieved. Being in girl mode allows you an intense form of relaxation, almost mindfulness. It allows you to live for a short period of time in the moment free from the shackles of a society that wants to drag you back to the humdrum. It allows you freedom to indulge in activities that you see fit your life  or particular aspects of it. It’s not going to change the world and nor are you. Instead it is going to be an incredible release for you great peace of mind and sanity!
However please do not force your perspective on others. Each of us has our own view on life. You don’t like others telling you how to behave and the reverse also applies. I personally hate watching vulgar Trannies dumping all their crap onto good honest people just because they may have become frustrated at how much they have bottled up inside them over the years. They do not want to hear a boring Tranny monologue. Learn to live alongside one another.
So enjoy the journey it is such a fun learning experience to understand yourself and to realise you are not that one-dimensional politically correct numskull that todays civilisation wants you to be.
Instead you are just plain mad! XXX
In my experiences in Transvestism, and with my partner Susie’s dressing service Chateau Femme I have seen many, many types of Trannies who have such a disparate variety of wants and peccadilloes that I have always maintained  each one is unique.This means that whilst we may have some common traits rarely can one TV totally identify with another’s likes and wants.
This being said I have found that these needs and wants tend to fall into 6 broad categories. OK we can identify ourselves in several categories but I believe one is dominant. By identifying them I hope to show those that continuously question themselves about why they are like they are they are not alone. img_4247

I would however also put the rider that these are not mutually exclusive rather they are the most common things that move us towards Transvestism. Also I consider that priorities change as we move from closet to the club and eventually to the big wide vanilla world and we ‘overcome’ early urges in favour of more solid loves!

  1. The Copers – are people who are going through a particular life changing moment especially in relationships. For them times are stressful and there is a need for some form of escape or just the peace of mind that Transvestism affords them. We gain both focus and relief. This is particularly true for men who are meant to be the ‘rock’ of the house and should not show their feelings and concerns.They however need an outlet for this stress, something to hang onto or a place to go when things get tough that brings an element of security. I particularly see it in middle aged men whose longer-term  relationship has plateaued or is in decline. One thing being a Tranny does is that it allows them to live in the present, a form of mindfulness with a kinky edge. It allows them to switch off into an alter ego. No past concerns or future worries just a place to ‘be’ in the moment. This transformational process gives the mind a rest in one area whilst opening up other possibilities that lie dormant or suppressed due to the stress of day-to-day living  which has taken over their lives. Most of this type do not know where this ‘femme’ side is taking them they do know however the power of its release.
  2. The Sexpots– these are the ones who, when dressed, feel an incredible sexual rush from their new persona. No longer that grey man in the corner now a much more liberated person emerges. It opens up completely new horizons for their sexual exploits that might be taboo in male mode. This leads the man to new twists and turns as they play with their gender and sexuality. Interesting dark places emerge and it releases a sexual libido that is normally hidden in day to day life. When they are in the early flings of a new boy on girl relationship these TV’s will probably let the Tranny side drift but as things progress and they might not be getting the ‘fun’ they would like from the relationship they start to reignite their girly side again. This situation also arises when they are between relationships and not getting the sexual experience they normally enjoy. For others who have quite a strong sex drive this is an outlet from their marital relationship which may have become a little stale . They can venture to the naughty side and effectively have flings in a variety of ways. They almost seem to switch off their whole relationship for the fun of a brief encounter. It opens up their sexual horizons and allows them to indulge in taboos that their boy side says is not on. How many have I talked to who say that in boy mode they would never do anything with another man but in girl mode this opens up completely new and different horizons. Its a fun and playful interlude that completes their sexuality.
  3. The Shockers – there are girls who get a kick from dressing and then exposing
    themselves (dressed of course) to the vanilla world. No longer do LBGT clubs do it for them their target is the not so accepting world. A world where being a Transvestite is still the last taboo to be frowned on. They get a rush from challenging people’s perspectives but also continuously pushing their own boundaries. They adore being noticed and love attention. They are thrill seekers pushing their own fears for excitement and relish the chance to show themselves off. img_4252Their first nigh at a restaurant, their first night at a club, their fist journey on a train, their first trip abroad, a day shopping en femme etc etc etc. Ideally each one has to be a new experience  a new ‘drug’ to feed off . They constantly get a buzz from being out there, a simple night in a restaurant will not suffice. They want that little shorter skirt or that adapted goth look or that PVC/Rubber outfit that causes a stir. They want to challenge themselves and the people around them. After a while when they have pushed as far at they can things settle into a more regular rhythm. I was talking to a TV the other day who said she started going to Gay clubs then to restaurants and so on until one night she challenged herself to go alone into a working men’s club in a really rough part of London in a very short dress. Here she thought she would be shocking to be seen. Unfortunately they were the most accepting of all the places and she decided that this route had come to an end. But where does it stop and how far can you push your own boundaries?
  4. The Mirror Queen – these are people who are so transfixed with their own reflection in the mirror that they start to withdraw into a world of their femme self. They need attention admiration, adulation and acceptance. But most of all they adore themselves. In conversation they talk incessantly about themselves and how they feel to the exclusion of all others. It is always turned onto them. They don’t care if they are hogging the conversation, if it drifts away from them they go to the loo to adjust their look just to check how good are and rejoin to dominate it again!. These girls tend to be very creative in their look, however the search for what they perceive is perfection can be limiting as they can’t find the next fantastic look! Yes they do tend to fall in love with themselves  and are incredibly narcissistic but they are fixated on perfecting their look. Its both a challenge and an art form to them. Theygirlinmirror adjust their hair and makeup at every opportunity.  They are the first to want to change their outfit 10 times in an evening and are always asking if they look good if you haven’t noticed. Styles combinations and perfection are their drivers. They have to get the look right just to please themselves which of course in the end leads to a very lonely insular life, but its what they want.
  5. The Almost TS’s – theses are the borderline girls who find true identity in their whole femininity. Their identity in day-to-day life appears drab and unrecognised by the public at large. Put on a wig and a dress and people compliment them, love their look and enjoy their company. These are the ones who still hold onto their male side but the Tranny side is slowly starting to merge and they are becoming some kind of Androgen between the two sexes. Their actions are becoming more fay, they dress in girly jeans. knickers and jackets, they sleep in a nightdress and some take mild hormones. Most clearly separate the ‘Man’ side occasionally giving him a totally different identity when they talk about ‘him’! They now buy girly clothes in a ratio of 3:1 to the man. A lot of the male pastimes have been driven into second place . The golf club, the football supporter, the pub goer or the car driver have become suppressed by a stronger drive that gives them identity. They don’t feel like a woman, they never have. Their core genetic code is male, however as they age and the testosterone levels reduce the more feminine side emerges. They get a much stronger feeling of belonging from their Femme persona and enjoy the more relaxed way in which they can engage with others.img_4663
  6. The Occasionals – this is the dump or default Transvestite. They have been through the TV wringer for a long time. They have found a balance between boy and femme times. The urge to dress comes and goes but when it strikes the girl just has to come out and play. This is an inner urge that is always laying in wait and they accept it will never leave them. For these people its a need, as opposed to a want, that has to be sated for a short period of time, but say to them that they can have a week dressed and they will be horrified. They have strong ‘blokey’ tendencies but to balance this life the girl in whatever form has to come out from time to time. This can be a night at home or a night out. Of all the TV’s they are the least likely to need appreciation and admiration, the will take the least pictures of themselves and just enjoy the fun of the moment without dominating the conversation. They are very self-indulgent and love their short period of time to themselves, particularly in front of the make-up mirror as they change their mindset, but after that who cares its just great escapism for a few fleeting moments to be repeated at some point in the future when the urge re-emerges.
Now I fully appreciate that we all  have elements of each of these but one category tends to dominate. I can take certain situations and identify many of these traits. It’s not meant as a panacea for all your worries just to highlight that there are many tendencies within us. First of all we have to stop feeling guilty about these elements just because society tells you that it just is not done. Instead embrace the things you enjoy, but don’t let it get too out of control.
I am sure that many of you must have a view on theses traits and want to add ones that you recognise  in others so please, please do offer some more comments to help me adapt this blog over time. img_4640
The one set of people I would remove from all these categories are the closet dressers, who are probably the biggest group of all Trannies. Most of us have come from this group at one time or another. The problem is that when it’s hidden we do not get the chance to truly identify which of these categories we fall into. Too much of the time is spent in short hits of being a Transvestite or more particularly a crossdresser who hasn’t got the time to dress completely in that furtive few moments when the house is theirs. We never quite make that mindset shift from Crossdresser to Transvestite because we are always worried about that key in the door!
These people  have such a complex mix of bottled up emotions that helps them cope with life’s ups and downs. It initially gives them a real sexual buzz, it is a naughty thing that would shock others if discovered but is just a quick release that is short lived.They live in that weird panic of enjoying something that at the same time, if discovered, would bring their world down around them. They have no time to find out what really drives them they just know they have to do it and get on with those fleeting fun moments that are sadly on their own. Their time will come but first they have to sort out their life.
For the rest of us lucky ones who are out and not worried about discovery it’s time for our own self-discovery XXX
Most of the TV’s I know are heterosexual. But many of them have great difficulty in finding a woman with whom they can share their femme side. A normal boy-girl relationship is hard at the best of times then add the Tranny dimension and things get even tougher. But there are plenty of examples out there and it can work with some effort on both parts. As I said in a previous article on the Lonely Road of Transvestism it tends to be a hidden pursuit and if you become single it can be a fairly monogamous from a relationship point of view. I also looked at this from a woman’s perspective in my blog on relationships with a real woman looking at many of the pitfalls that occur. I even begged women to look at it from our perspective in my article for a plea for better understanding. This however would imply that all the work has to be done by the woman in coming some way to understanding how we feel and act when in femme form. This was far too focused on the me, me, me  aspect of being a Tranny which at times can be so self-centred.
However I thought if a woman has a strong personality and has confidence in her role and sexuality as well as an openness to acceptance of the Transvestite side then this offers some interesting avenues. Rather than focussing on the negatives let’s look at the womancd1positives of this from a woman’s point of view and hopefully this may at least bring a few more round to thinking of us not as oddballs but as someone with whom a genuine loving and caring relationship can be enjoyed. Remember that gender is a kind of performance. Women perform femininity it’s primarily because society asks them to. Ditto for males. Trannies are seen as eccentric but why does the shape of your genitals determine what you should wear, watch on TV or in our cognitive abilities. If you can be open to this form of thinking then there are so many new avenues to explore.
  1. If you indulge a Tranny that man and I mean man (not the Tranny that is just a side to the man’s personality) will remain loyal to you forever. He will regard himself as one of the lucky few who has a partner that has endeavoured to understand his femme side . One who is comfortable with both sides of his personality and does not see it as a barrier to a relationship in the classic (and in my opinion outmoded)  sense of the word. A woman who obviously understands her identity and does not see the arrival of the third person as any threat to the relationship.  This woman is now a person with whom the man/tranny can share his whole life. There is nothing hidden, no doing things behind your back and no stress from those covert times when he ‘has’ to dress. As a result you will have a caring and sympathetic partner who will not wander off to participate in nefarious activities away from home. Most men whose other halves know of the girl side adore their partner for being so sympathetic and caring and return that favour in spades and just like that big puppy dog desperately wanting to make a relationship work for all.
  2. In Tranny mode you are going to have a much softer person across the table from you for a period of time, if that’s what you want. Your conversations will change. No longer will they be dominated solely by those of the more direct anecdotal male world. Instead they tend to turn to more female related subjects . You will find that when dressed they are more interested in talking about clothes makeup and appearance. Their feelings will be more exposed and they will be in tune with yours as well. Their interests are more akin to yours and they love to indulge it. Recognise that when they return to maledom they might be a little reticent to talk about these things it’s just purely them returning to the male role that is expected of them in society as their femme side has been hidden from the outside world for so long.
  3. Trannys endeavour to get in touch with their innermost feelings and as a result have a much deeper understanding of what you are going through. They will wear their heart on their sleeve from time to time and recognise that they must give the woman
    2013-09-17 00.00.27in their life that same amount of time. They have gone beyond the ‘man up’ era and moved onto the empathetic stage whilst at the same time constantly questioning why they are as they are , not a woman but some third sex.The average Tranny is more sociable than the bloke. OK they do want to talk about themselves so, so much but with time and regular intercourse this will pass. It will be replaced by some shared common ground and open up so many possibilities for discussion that the lad has had beaten out of him by his peers. Nights will be much more romantic and probably less fixated on the bedroom. Though this is still very important to TV’s as much as the bloke. Conversation will revolve around so many female aspects that men have to pretend they don’t understand though many do!
  4. You will get another play partner in your life if you can handle it. My own personal experience of the Transvestite world is that when dressed a different persona emerges in both the mind and body. This means that the approach to sex tends to be different when they are dressed. Not only does a softer, lighter more easygoing person come out but also a changed sexual player with a new agenda in the bedroom. Do not get this confused with those who love the whole sexual play of being a Tranny. There are still those that get turned on by dressing and want to play when dressed but these are not what I am talking about. Instead  when your partner dresses a different aspect to their sexual play arises. There is a more erotic side that emerges that is not all ‘wham bang thank you ma’am’ which you get with the boy side. Instead it focuses on the more sensual side as they are more in touch with the totality of the encounter, with neither of you expected to play the dominant alpha and subservient beta unless you want to. The focus will be on discovering new forms to tumblr_m29mjj8Had1rtz49xo1_500your sexual relationship. You gain a lesbian lover who is again caring. A lot of their harder masculine drives tend to be shelved in favour of more ‘girly’ play. Please remember that when back in boy mode this side can be put away until the girl comes out again. The act of engaging their Femme side does open them up to exploring a lot more about what drives them in the sack. You do effectively get two lovers for the price of one person in various disguises. It opens up new and different possibilities if you have an experimental mindset. The question will always be how far do you go. Believe me the ‘girl’ in bed is much more open to suggestion than the missionary male you see most of the time.
  5. As the boy moves into girl mode so you have a lot of new things in common. Shopping will be more fun. You will have a new friend who will love to indulge in a day out (though not necessarily in girl mode). This person will tell you if it’s not right, if your bum looks too big in it and how they would wear it. They will also want you to help them and share the whole activity. They will be desperate to try it on when they get home and seek your approval. You could have some playful  (and remember this is about play) fun doing it whether you both have the guts to go out dressed or in boy mode. But this doesn,t stop there because  in the past you did not share your love of certain aspects of femininity with your boyfriend because that was not the done thing. Well now you can and he will welcome the chance for getting even closer to you. OK he might have better legs but don’t see this as a threat to your role in the house. He just wants to let this girl out from time to time and in any case its much more difficult for him to transform into a woman than you he may have some great tips to share or help you with.
  6. To go out with a TV you need to have a strong identity yourself but it opens up avenues to discover your own persona. The Tranny on countless occasions will have asked themselves why they have this innate drive to do this thing. They will have questioned their gender, their sexuality and their fetishes. They are an ideal person to have round the dinner table to discuss yourself. Most of us find that once you have had the long and meaningful round table discussions with a TV then the more
    standard conversations of ‘normal’ dinner parties seem so much more banal. They sometimes seem at such a low-level they do not delve into your inner being, your mindset, your feelings. By the way if he’s eyeing another woman its more likely that he is thinking how could I do that look and would it really suit me oh and yes she does look good!!
So there you have it you get a girlfriend and a boyfriend a new sexual partner someone to exchange clothing and makeup as well as share some tips. Someone who will appreciate your female qualities a whole lot more. womancd4Understands why you take so long in the bathroom, Is experimental in bed. Tends to have better hygiene and puts the loo seat down, may even be more willing to help out in household tasks. Someone to go shopping with and may even do your makeup and nails. There will be less concerns as to the lipstick marks on his collar, travel time will be cut in half because ‘she’ is willing to ask directions, less football on telly and more sloppy films,. You will have more larger clothes around for those days when you just want to chill or you will definitely have clothes for those moments when you want that tarty look!
Regardless of this frivolity you will have a partner who has nothing to hide, except that little black number you hate, a person with whom you can share so much more and a person who will adore you for that little time you let the girl out. XXX
At this time of year try to put a note of caution to many Transvestites out there. In particular those that have the freedom to express themselves as they wish rather than being left in the cupboard with everything all pent up. For those that have suddenly found a new lease of life because they can now dress how they please certain pitfalls can arrive that can mean that the whole Tranny side can get a bit out of control. I have noticed that certain traits appear when suddenly the shackles of not being able to dress are removed and the balance can shift quite heavily from the boy to the girl with many of the myriad of consequences that can arise.
There are several signs that your TV tendencies could be coming less fun and more of an addiction
  1. You use dressing as a coping strategy for other problems you have. Because of life’s ups and downs we retreat to the comfort of the girl, The peace of the moment. Any time you feel under pressure you retire to the femme side where you feel secure in the moment. But this is false the boy side has to return and you have to get a grip as to why you ‘have’ to dress.
  2. Dressing gives you an identity you crave that you just don’t have in boy mode. On the male side you are that relatively unnoticed grey man in the corner of the pub who nobody talks to because you are not ‘interesting’. Dressing suddenly makes you different and people approach you to talk to you, to appreciate and admire you. You feel sexy when this happens and realise that to go back to the grey side is not really that good as you have so much fun as the girl. You can probably hide behind this veil and your true personality comes out. Learn to let that person out on the boy side as well.img_2628
  3. You look at women as clothes horses. You may appreciate how good looking a woman is but now you are looking at what she wears for inspiration for your dressings. Is this now messing with your sexuality or have you somehow become blasé with your attitude to real women. As a woman passé by do you say wow or do you say I can do that look? If so need a reality check on who you fancy and why!
  4. Your girl wardrobe has now surpassed the boy’s. You rarely go out shopping for the boy and the number of packages that are arriving from eBay surpass any other things in the post! Trips to the shops are more frequent and you are starting to push budget boundaries. Be careful the money will very soon add up and our predilection to wear an outfit for no more than a couple of times will lead to an overstocked wardrobe that then moves to take up the spare room or loft or lock-up unit. Many of the outfits you will never wear! And as for that shoe or boot collection how many duplicates do you have? It’s fine if the money is yours and yours alone but in most cases this comes from a shared budget. Set yourself a specific budget each month and glory in the splendour of the few new outfits you buy.
  5. You spend a lot of time in front of the mirror just staring at your own reflection. This narcissistic tendency is very common amongst us. We spend far too much time engrossed in the later ego opposite and not enough time in the real world. Are we looking at a future girlfriend, how we would like the wife/girlfriend to look? Are we indirectly making love to yourself? This can almost lead to withdrawal as we find a kindred spirit facing us in our reflection. Stop it get out girl it’s not reality!
  6. Conversation when dressed revolves around you and your TV world. This is boring to others, who want to talk about themselves just as much. Just because you do not get out that much does not mean you have to monopolise the conversation for your own gain. You will rapidly lose your support group. You can find out just as much about yourself self by asking questions of others rather than just expressing your opinions to the exclusion of all others. Friends need their own space to talk as well, these times out are just as important to them as they are to you. Stop being selfish!
  7. As soon as you have been out you are already planning the next outing. The places to go the outfits to wear what you might be missing on the make-up front what new looks are in vogue what theme there might be! Your life starts to be dictated by the girl and her outings are constantly in your mind dominating many waking moments. You are addicted to the excitement of the whole operation and the actual planning process is a smouldering slow build-up of excitement. Remember this is a sideshow it’s not the only thing in life. Do a reality check on how you spend your time and what things motivate you.
  8. You are becoming confused sexually. Because we live in the realm between the girl and the boy we are full of confusing feelings. This can lead to a want to experiment to try other sides of your sexuality to gain new experiences. Your new found confidence in dressing suddenly can transfer to a new want to experience new horizons which may or may not be fun. Just remember that the next morning there is going to be ‘the boy’ in bed not that thing you see in your head or the mirror. The mind fuck of being the girl is a great turn-on, just let it remain as that unless it is genuinely bringing out another side of you that has lain dormant for so long. If so just be careful.
  9. You don’t give a flying fig what others think,you are doing this for yourself and others should accept you as you present yourself. You feel you should be allowed to express yourself as you wish and people should accept you for who you are. But that’s not true we live in a society and cohabit the same space. Some people are uncomfortable with things outside the norm and you have to be sensitive to their feelings otherwise you are just a Trump supporter without any respect for others that inhibit this space. They must tolerate you and you must respect them it will take them time to adjust so don’t throw it in their face.

    Drag Queen in Pink Wig

    Who Am I?

I am sure there are other traits and I will add to this list as I get feedback. But the gist is just don’t let this whole thing dominate your life to the exclusion of all others .Remember I write this from a Transvestite perspective that sees this a wonderful sexy pastime that I adore to indulge in not the fact that I want to be a woman and want the change. As someone said to me the other day with the growing acceptance of the TS rights in the last few years we are now becoming that rare group that does not break the law but is still regarded as much the darker side. Most of us actually like the fact that this is whole thing is a bit naughty but please don’t make it an obsession
A very Happy Christmas time to you all. Hope its naughty but nice and remember make sure it does not offend anyone XXX
It took a long time for me to realise that my fascination for being a Transvestite was in actual fact a way of liberating an inner part of me that had been hidden deeply on my male side. It is interesting how with this new freedom my femme personality has come to the surface and ultimately evolved into a highly enjoyable relaxed pastime rather than a frustrated sexual event.
In the early days I thought dressing was an innate drive within me to be some kind of a woman, but I enjoyed ‘The Boy’ side as well. I now realise it releases me from those bonds and opens up a different set of desires that have always lain hidden within my mind. I loved the Grayson Perry Channel 4 analysis. on this subject.grayson-perry
The strictures of society and male life impose so many guilty layers on numerous aspects of our personality that it makes it very hard to peel them off and reveal my real Tranny side. I have talked others as to why they dress and so many of us Transvestites agree that it is how you feel when you are dressed that is the key driver that makes you want to do it again and again. This feeling dissipates when you are back in the ‘vanilla’ world.
I have talked in previous articles how for some it is placing the wig; others it’s putting on make-up; the slinky stockings or those forbidden high heels that releases a new person from within. We each have our own triggers.
But is it the real you? I am not sure.,as I am quite happy to put the genie back in the bottle and let her out from time to time.  I have never really worried about passing it’s always been about my mindset. In fact my girlfriend Susie who runs the Chateau Femme dressing service says to her girls that I have actively championed being a Transvestite and play the fact that I am a TV and not a woman nor a TS.
Dressing is all about me, me, me it’s very selfish and to the exclusion of all others, until I am ready. It is so personal. We are very selfish but it’s such an intense, internalised pleasure that is so focussed on what I want  it’s quite difficult to explain and share. Between us we can identify traits that so many Transvestites share but none of us have exactly the same set. So to try to explain to those that have never experienced these feelings it is virtually impossible, This is probably why so many of our partners cannot fathom why we do it and what we get out of it. The Americans have that lovely expression that it is a ‘mind fuck’. Ugly but very perceptive! It indicates that this is our mind-set and only we are in charge of changing it.
So why? Well it’s simple as we have said society makes us conform to, a stereotype ‘The Boy’. He has to do certain things in certain ways and perform accordingly. Unfortunately we also have another side, or several sides even, hidden deep within us that is/are definitely not acceptable to mainstream society. Trannying is the trigger that releases those needs and desires. Those of us who have been bold enough have found that inner person and let it fly will have gone down a myriad of paths as we come to terms with our ‘true’ inner being. In our cases there is a feminine side (note I use the word side) that has layers of masculinity heaped on it and needs a vehicle to let it out and that is what dressing does. But what does femininity mean, pretty relaxed and sexy I say. The question then becomes do you blend the two/three/four sides into one or do you play between them. I am in the latter category and very happy with it.mind-image
However this issue relates to how we feel more than how we act. Yes sometimes this excitement is pretty horny, sometime we get turned on by what we see in the mirror but for the main part it is that intense feeling we get inside ourselves that comes bubbling up that is the most satisfying. We love the appreciation we get but we love seeing ourselves even more!
But what does this release within us? Firstly I believe there is a sensual side. It was interesting to meet a person the other day whose inner girl came out when she wore sensual lacy lingerie, another enjoys the swish of petticoats, another good old Spandex. These sensual pleasures start the whole release that inner person(s). At some point in time however the feeling turns from a sensual outlet to feeling incredibly sexy. For me for example its with the putting on of the wig. It’s an intense emotion that I have rarely felt in boy mode and this is where women have the drop on the men. But somehow through dressing I can access those feelings because I have found a way to release them. After this however the elements of our sexuality come into play as we start to explore who or what we are. This can lead to different types of fun. Right or wrong but we have to try as its part of the nature of this drug!
I for example have a real penchant for shape. I adore the feminine figure and love corsets shapewear and tighter fitting clothes that releases my inner desire that makes me feel incredibly sexy. In the early days this used to turn me on and I became very sexually aroused and playful. It made me look into alternative routes and sexualities.  However in recent years these have abated somewhat as I much prefer just being Tara and realise what ‘she’ gives me. I found the trigger and can now get into the mindset fairly easily. Though I have to say the removal of all the paraphernalia at the end of the evening is a bit of a come down!
This  can explain why so many girls like to dress up as a Sissy, a Secretary, a Maid or a Domme Bitch. It’s something that is part of their make up which has to be accessed or it is the route to that inner person. I used to think that by dressing and making up with wigs and so forth I was transforming myself into my alter-ego and I could hide behind that veil and have lots of fun without being recognised. I now understand this is not true. I physically need to fully transform into the Tara person not just a bit of lippy and a black dress. I need to completely dress in order to access the Tara persona as it changes my mindset, my personality and of course my appearance far away from ‘The Boy’.
It’s a bit like advanced meditation where people reach their inner Nirvana through accessing an inner spirituality. In the same way I reach a space of inner contentment where I feel very sexy and incredibly relaxed. I also find myself very centred and living in the moment, not planning the next step like ‘The Boy’ would do, because the moment is relatively short-lived. If it was acceptable would I do it all the time? No. The laws of diminishing returns apply and would dampen the fun. Its something I love accessing from time to time, not all the time. In some ways it makes me appreciate ‘The Boy’ side as well!malefemale
I think this is why I like being a TV. It allows me a form of escapism from my male shackles. Because it’s an altered reality nothing is really expected of me and the pressures of day-to-day life are lifted. This for many can become all-consuming as the pursuit of pleasure and life on the other side offers a much more appealing option to the hustle and bustle of the expectations of the real life. Beware!
I think some TV’s and many TS’s get very confused about where they are and the default suddenly becomes being dressed not what they want to achieve. Unfortunately this hides the deeper problems they have. But that is one for the psychologists.
Now I think I have things under control…well almost XXX
Another Grayson Perry Links
Oh God this is a recipe for disaster? It’s such a complicated minefield that I could write a bloody book on the subject and still never find a clear route! Trying to say all relationships just like all Transvestites are the same is completely barmy. But as I have tried to do in this blog I am trying to draw some similarities regarding TV relationships without being too general purely to give some form of insight and guidance in such a complicated fieldtransgender-couple_07-1
But let us look at the relationship that is going to emerge with your partner after you reveal yourself. If you are like me when you dress a different person emerges with a different mindset and a very different playset. I become much more relaxed, centred and less judgemental, I plan less and enjoy the moment more. I feel much more sexy and enjoy the attentions of others. In the past I would flirt and enjoy the whole gamut of sexuality that I could do from behind the mask. That part has changed…well almost!
However I also like ‘the boy’ I enjoy the way he plans ahead, how he makes things happen, doesn’t look back except to learn and moves on. Has a get-up-and-go mentality, enjoys risk and a competitive nature. I like the fact that he can blend into the background and observe (not be so obvious as when dressed) a voyeur not a player. I also enjoy keeping the two people very, very separate with different emails, social networks, phones, websites, wardrobes, attitudes to sex, social environments etc. These are two people in the same body, do they get on or are they at war with each other to come out? If you can’t cope with this schizophrenia then what the hell are you unleashing on your partner?
So now you suddenly present your partner with two different people to care for, love and enjoy their respective company. I think it’s crazy for you to expect that they treat each of your respective personas the same. Can you tell me man and a woman who you treat the same. I can’t and yet I have some good male, female and Tranny friends. I treat them very differently as I have different relationships with them all, and I am not talking sexually! I also react differently to them whether I am dressed in boy or girl mode although in most cases they are mutually exclusive. So expecting the relationship with your partner to be the same with each of your personas is just plain crazy.
Remember in most cases your partner fell in love with ‘the boy’ even if they met the girl first (as in my case) because in most of our instances they spend more time with ‘the boy’. If as in the majority of cases they meet ‘the girl’ afterwards there is a hell of a lot of emotional shock that has to be dealt with. Then it’s about putting things back together in the best way you can. Things are not going to, be the same again and it is about re-building your relationship from a very, very different base. Many relationships do not survive this (me for example) because we are not prepared.
Do not consider that you can just continue as it was before. There is going to be far more scrutiny on your re-evaluation of why you are together and where you both (note both you selfish bitch! ) are going to go.
You must also remember that girl and boy roles fit very well into a socialised, stereotypical, heterosexual relationship but a girl and girl side results in a lot of competing elements and we are not just talking about the space on the bathroom shelf in front of the mirror! In the girl boy side we have roles these can be very blurred in the new lifestyle. How much of the time do you want to be in girl mode? Are you going to tell others?  Are you going to introduce the girl to your friends? Are you going to be allowed to indulge in the girl side on your own or are you going to be accompanied? How will you approach sex? When are you going to show the girl’s side to your partner? How do you tell them how you feel when dressed? How from your side would you see the relationship progressing and vice versa?  So many things to address far less the need for more wardrobe space!
You may be one of those very lucky ones who has a strong open-minded partner that will go with this. You may be one of the many whose partner does not agree with the girl side (principally because she only has room for the man in her life) but accepts that that person exists and has to be let out from time-to-time on their own. You may be the one who says that they will give it up but then comes back to it in secret again at some time in the future! Whatever may transpire you have to give it a go at trying to discuss things.
So let’s say you have decided to tell your partner or more likely your dirty sordid secret (your words not mine…oh well maybe I do think like that sometimes) has been discovered. It’s time to put up and try to sort the coming mess out. So what are the key factors for success? Probably the same as any good relationship.
  1. Being able to communicate with one another in an open and honest non-judgemental way. Genuinely listening to what each other is saying without thinking this is what I anticipate you are going to say! So many of us have forgotten how to listen, we are so intent on getting our point of view across we don’t really engage in what the other party is saying. Slow down and listen think about your response and then say it. A little pause for thought is worth its weight in any relationship. Talking is easy conversation is an art.
  2. Letting each other have their say. On the day you drop the bombshell there is no way this is going to be sorted out quickly. There will be so many questions arising. Why are you like this? Are you gay? Can you give it up? etc. etc. etc. You have had time to think about things , because you have read this! They need time to think, time to let them digest this bolt from the blue and to decide their course of action. If they cannot let their feelings out like you have then they just feel it’s being presented as a fait accompli in which they have no say. Do not try to drive the agenda too early, it will only end in pain.
  3. Having trust in one another that what you say is what you mean and that you are being honest. This is probably where most Trannies fall down because in the majority of cases we have declared our Transvestism at some point in our relationship after many years when our partner did not know. Personally I thought it was a phase I would get over, but somehow I never did! Now I am in the poop because I have hidden it for so long! How do I regain their trust having been a liar for so long? Trust is built over time and destroyed in a moment of stupidity, believe me!
  4. An ability for both of you to give and take. Too many Trannies I meet are so self-centred that they look at what is happening purely from their perspective. They are caught up in the fun of this wonderful short period of time. It is they that have decided to tell their partner or have been found out, it is they that want to drive the agenda their way and in many cases do not care for the consequences (see my article it’s a lonely life out there). The pursuit of being a TV can become such a strong drive that the compulsion stops them seeing things objectively as a result there is little or no chance of the relationship surviving. And there are a lot of unfulfilled Trannies out there. If they have been playing around and seeing mistresses or other TV’s and they think this can go on afterwards they are being delusional. They will be found out again. To stay together you need to change your mindset or agree between you what you can do if your partner allows a bit more openness in your relationship. And are you willing to give them similar freedoms. For example to go out with the local Rugby Club for a few drinks and a club after? Just some flirty fun nothing else! Honest!
  5. Having a willingness that you want to stay together. This is a must. You have to want to at least try to sort things out as you both feel you are better together than apart. Are you genuine soul mates? If so there is room for some movement. A lot of Trannies I know don’t have a sexual relationship with their partner and in some this T-universe is a substitute for that lack of sex. As a result the girl is allowed her times out because the core of their relationship is their friendship. Others survive because they allow each other to pursue their own interests and come together at times. Some have the worst nightmare where they stay together for the kids but pursue separate interests. Others as I said have the luck where the partner gets a boyfriend and a girlfriend and treats each differently. The overriding factor is that both (and I mean both of them) feel more comfortable together than either on their own or with someone else.
  6. Your partner loves you more than cares about what the neighbours think. I don’t care what most of us say Transvestites are still seen as an aberration in society. We are not ‘normal’ and long may it remain so! The social stigma of being with a Tranny is still difficult for many, particularly those over 40. The question is does your partner want to be seen with you in public and can take the talking behind their back that comes with it. I would suggest they do not want to be seen going out with you by your vanilla friends. Just because you have your little secret does not mean you have to splash it over the neighbourhood and have a detrimental effect on your partners life who somehow has to explain it to everyone. Be realistic they are going some of the way with you so do the same for them and don’t insist on your route and your route alone.A young woman and young man wearing pajamas in an airy modern kitchen talking over cups of coffee.
  7. You are both open to a plan. Like everything in life you must have an idea of where you are going, how you will resolve issues, agree what the limits are, what the penalties will be and then review it after say 3 months or so. Then make adjustments to the plan. If you recognise that it is not set in stone but something that evolves then you have the basis of a way forward if you want to.
Look it’s not going to be easy relationships never are. How did I do on this scale the first time Fail Fail Fail all my fault. How have I done more recently Pass, Fail, Pass, Fail, The Jury’s Out. The core of all the problem is Trust and Forgiveness. But you have to realise for some this is not possible, it’s just too big a step to live with a Transvestite, shame we offer so much! I need a drink things are getting awfully deep!!
Tara XXX
How do you tell your partner you are a Tranny? It is so hard to explain what you are feeling and why you are as you are. The first step is to start communication between you. So this is a letter to the partners of Trannys not for you girls. Hopefully it is something you might pass on to your partner or adapt as you see fit for them to read, but only if you agree with it as its only my perspective and something I wish I had had the courage to write many years ago!
Dearest Darling,
I wanted to start this letter with the words I am sorry for being a Transvestite. But that is wrong, it’s not true. What I am sorry for is hiding it from you. For keeping such an intimate and personal thing from you for so long. For the hurt and loss of trust my revealing a deeply felt desire within me has now literally been dumped in your lap. I desperately hope you won’t be appalled by shock of this revelation and would ask you to read this before passing your initial judgement on me and my activities. I just ask you to approach things with an open mind.Partners Discuss
Let it be said first and foremost that I love you dearly and I hope we can get through this awkward time and come out stronger than before with a better understanding of each other, and hopefully a new fun layer to our relationship. I appreciate it has come as a total bombshell and hope it wont result in a knee-jerk reaction without us having time to talk about it.
 I have not suddenly changed overnight but for a variety of reasons have hidden this from you with the misguided thought that it would help both our relationship and our life. I now know this was wrong but it seemed the easiest way. This side of me has been something I have been simultaneously embarrassed to tell you about and something that gives me immense pleasure. It is something that is innate within me and I don’t believe it will go away. So it is something I feel we must address. I have tried over many years  to stop this drive within me with varying degrees of success, but realise this only creates internal stress and I now have come to accept that it is a part of me that cannot be suppressed.
Let me first and foremost say I am not gay and dress to attract members of the male sex. But I also recognise that I am also not 100% heterosexual either. I see these two titles as either end of a continuum and believe that people are rarely at either extreme we are all somewhere along the route. I also believe that there is a gender spectrum and people like me are fairly fluid between the male and female ends. I do not want to become a woman but I do enjoy dressing and acting the part as it addresses a side of my personality that is unfulfilled in male mode.
My personality does change when dressed  but not dramatically. I hope I retain all the things you like about me but within a much more calmer,softer, relaxed person.  I would like you to see my other side if and when you are ready. But you have to decide if and when. I am not pretending it will be easy seeing your partner dressed up in a dress, heels, wig and make-up but I have been doing it for several years and its time for us to discuss the possibilities of this persona being introduced into our lives in some form or other. It’s not a separate person just another aspect of my make up that comes out from time to time. I have hidden it because I know that society does not openly accept people like me, but at the end of the day I know when I am dressed I am a nicer person. I feel freer and feel less restricted by society’s expectations of me.I feel more complete for having dressed for a short time, not all the time!Shock
I am not a crossdresser as these people tend to be fixated on a particular item of clothing, that’s more a fetish like rubber or leather. Nor am I a Transgender person because I do not feel I was born a woman in a man’s body, just somebody who feels through dressing they can express an aspect of themselves that is normally hidden. I get a very strong natural high from my changeover as it seems to release something inside me or allow an aspect of me that is not normally on show.  I dress because I like the headspace that the girl side occupies and get a thrill from switching. I don’t want to dress as a woman all the time more something I can do occasionally, hopefully with you.
I believe society puts us into strict boxes and this is not right as we both have a male and female side (X and Y chromosomes) to a greater or lesser extent. The problem is that we become stereotyped and then have to conform to those norms. The result is unhappy people unable to express themselves as they see fit. We are called an aberration by some as everyone tries top be ‘normal’. This is particularly relevant in men. Women can wear trousers men can’t wear skirts. Why? What is so bad with us dressing up as well?
Why this has come about is very complicated and I am sure I do not fully understand myself but it is a very strong drive within me. I hope we can discuss this as both rational and emotional beings and find a solution to a way forward. There is absolutely no way I want to end our beautiful relationship but I do know  the girl has to come out from time to time, hopefully with your acceptance and approval, and we have to address the issues this raises. I am no oil painting when dressed but the nner feeling I have is of utter contentmentI so hope we can find a way forward as there is nobody else I would rather share this with than you.
I do realise this could be embarrassing for you particularly with friends and family. You will naturally worry what they will say if this ever comes out but please be assured I will never embarrass you with anyone to which you are connected. I also realise that this will leave you in an emotional void where you feel you have nobody with whom to talk to in order to understand why I am as I am and what you should do. I can help you with many people who have gone through this traumatic time but hopefully the starting point is us.
You may feel that you are somehow losing the person you love or you may wonder who is this stranger because this side of me has been hidden from you for so long. But inwardly I am still the same partner who has been by your side all these years. I have hidden this because I love you. But I realise that at sometime I will, most likely, be discovered or caught out so I have to open both you and I up to the pain of re-connecting in a new way.
You will feel you have been misled and lied to for many years and you may fear for our lives together. You may think that you have heard this happen to others but are surprised when it comes down top yo. You will probably feel isolated as you have nobody but me to talk to about it, You may feel you did something wrong. You did not. This is all of my making and I fully respect if you may be shocked by this type of behaviour and want nothing to do with it. But please give us both a fighting chance.Transvestite and Wife
I hope we can focus on what we love about each other how we can have good times together regardless. and the realisation that this is an occasional thing that might just be a bit of fun. Then I do hope we have the basis for a new and long-lasting relationship. My passions, my loyalty, my humour my intellect, my love for you and the kids will not change, it will just be accompanied by a pair of 4 inch high heels, occasionally!
I appreciate things are not going to be the same but I hope we can change things for the better and achieve a greater understanding and can bring us closer together. It’s also a chance for you to look at what you want from our relationships given these revelations. I will make every endeavour to accommodate what you want. Try me and my new self you may be surprised how calmer and more relaxed I am in my ‘femme’ side. Please give it a chance for all we hold dear.
OK we Trannies like to dress and enjoy the whole aspect of transforming ourselves into our alter ego. Well I do and that is the whole purpose of these blogs! But the main question we constantly ask is what drives us to be like this and why do I consistently need to come back to this? Why can I go some time without dressing and then something sets it off and the girl emerges?
Girl.Question.Mark
From my initial experiences of dressing I know it was very much a bit of sexual fun. In the early years I got very excited by the whole turn-on of dressing and enjoyed the immense physical thrill of it all in mind and body! This was a rare activity in a busy life and my reasons for doing this were mixed. But as the years progressed I now realise it has become a much deeper experience and an essential part of me. The thrill and excitement of the whole process of getting ‘made-up’ has now been replaced by a need to achieve that calmness that I now get from being dressed. But what was driving this? Why at times do I have this internal desire to get out as Tara that is way beyond the initial heady rush of being dressed?
Having been loosely involved with my girlfriend Susie’s dressing service Chateau Femme I have  been exposed to others like myself who have moved down the path from realising this is something they like to do to the reality that it is innate within them. I have as a result found several reasons why this might occur. I am sure there are others but this is how I see the majority of us being driven into this world of the ‘third sex’.
Firstly for some there’s still that strong sexual nature to the whole aspect of dressing. It is an intensely erotic feeling when one dresses. You seem to be fulfilling an internal desire and the whole process of changing from the male to female persona is an incredibly sensual ride. I can still remember the first time I put stockings on bear legs!!! Part of this is the whole change of mindset and just physically letting go. I have alluded to it in previous posts about switching off and de-stressing. 2013-10-30 08.41.19Some do it very quickly, for others it takes a couple of days for that change of mindset. For some it’s the wig for others its shoes we all have different drives but there is no doubt when dressed we find ourselves in a altered state of heightened excitement which as the years progress becomes much more internalised than that thing in your pants! For some of us however this desire of being physically turned-on never goes away. This is the core reason why many dress and this can lead to an altered state of sexuality that we would never have in boy mode. This allows us to fulfil fantasies that we would otherwise leave in our minds, it somehow gives us permission to experiment behind the mask of the girl. For a lot of us this is where we stop and allow ourselves just to enjoy this for what it is.
Sexy Fun.
The second area is what I call the reflected person. This relates to either something we may have experienced with a female family member as a child or an attitude to a girlfriend or lover. Some Trannies can look far back into their childhood and identify some act that has forever been etched on their mind and has driven this fantasy into reality. Their mother’s stockings, a secretary’s skirt, a red lipstick, a wedding dress. These become the springboard for their next steps in Transvestism. This is bordering on compulsion and it does become the key driver in your dressing activities. Wedding Dress
Many of us like to adopt a look that we would ideally like our girlfriend or lover to look like, but for reasons, mainly how society judges them, they would never be out in that attire or that look!. ‘That is far too short a skirt a woman of my age can wear in today’s society!’ We as Trannys can get away with it because we are a bit of an aberration and do not conform to society’s norms. But we are missing that element in our lives and this helps us to cope with it not being around the house. This then gives us an excuse to indulge as we see fit and not as others expect us to do. So many people will say about other women ‘My God she looks like a Tranny’ because of the way she is dressed. Of course so many Trannies do dress in a very provocative and highly tarty manner. In most cases this their choice of the style they would like to portray and not a wardrobe malfunction. They do not seek to ‘pass’ they seek to show off the things they enjoy seeing on others. Many will see themselves as having great legs or they just like legs so will wear a short skirt. Others its a bosom fetish so the chest grows exponentially. For some its a blonde for others its a pair of heels and so on. The way they dress is a genuine expression of how they want to look when they see themselves in the mirror.tumblr_nbhyg5zCw11sx7ek6o1_540
A third viewpoint is the whole aspect of fetishistic dressing that drives the way they are doing something that is not really acceptable. The fact that it is a bit naughty, a little vulgar and racy creates a certain frisson that is both exciting and liberating. By indulging we release an inner fun-seeker that sees this as a part of their playful self. I know that I should not be wearing a dress, far less a short dress out in public but, oh it’s such fun to be the centre of scrutiny! To be doing things that are risqué and provocative  The fetishistic side can also manifest itself in the attraction to particular types of clothes, materials or aspects of dressing but this is more for a cross-dresser than a Tranny. A Tranny enjoys the complete transformation and the whole change of personality that goes with it. They then want to get out and show off either in public or at targeted clubs. I like to think that with a little confidence and belief most Trannies would like to get out if they could as its part of gaining recognition and acknowledgement for who/what they are! The whole dressing builds their own internal esteem by letting the inner slut out!
For some dressing is about identity. The fact that in male form they attract little or no interest but by being ‘different’ they somehow find a place and recognition from those around them that they would otherwise not gain. No longer that grey normal man in the corner who is not really interesting now a point of interest that people want to talk to. It gives them purpose and the social status that they crave. I know if I was dressed as a male I would be sitting on my own at a bar for most of the evening having to make conversation as there are so many people like me. But dressed as Tara I represent something different and others never fail to talk to me even if I am at the same bar on my own! I may be seen as an oddball but it’s far worse to be invisible if there is that gregarious person inside me that wants to get out! Its not necessarily about showing off just being different both for ourselves and for others that with a little change of mindset for others makes us part of life’s rich tapestry. Yes there are some that are offended but far better to have that and be noticed!
Showing off may be one thing but I do see a very large number who use dressing as an element of escapism from their day-to-day issues. Many are unhappy with their lot, others are just very stressed, some spend their whole day making decisions and want to get away from it, some like me love the way in which I can stop the world for a little while and live totally in the moment. A switch off mechanism or should that be some form of alternative meditation?
Dressing to this group is a route to get away from it all. For a period of time it takes away all the anxiety of tomorrow by allowing them to live in the present. In male mode we are trying to sort out problems, we are planning our future, thinking of what we have to do to protect our loved ones, how we can make ends meet etc. When we are dressed we can purely focus on the moment and escape into a mindfulness that allows us to enjoy the present.
The female side also allows them to give way to their inner self which in the day is hidden, They are allowed to let those feelings come out when dressed. They can get away from the ‘Man Up’ attitude of society that conditions them to act in a way that is alien to the way they really are. They are expected to be the breadwinner, be the leader, be the big hairy person who comforts all around, the person they should look up to as a role model and not put a foot wrong. They have to be strong in times of crisis and not have feelings. ‘For God’s sake it is not a man’s place to cry’ and they should bottle up those feelings whilst other around and unburden theirs.
Putting on a dress, makeup, heels and wig allows another person to emerge. We can change our identity into that inner person. A more genteel side can be brought to the front that has been hidden far away from what people expect from them. This is why it’s very difficult for Trannies to tell their partner. It’s not how they are expected to be. But a true feeling person does emerge. IMG_1706
None, and I mean none, of the Trannies I know are bad people to each other or those around them. They are so much more gentle and caring when dressed. OK they can be a bit bitchy and want to talk about themselves all the time, but most are encouraging and try to be helpful particularly to newcomers. They enjoy the moment they are living in and the fun they can have. All of us are a little selfish as we know that very soon this time of escapism will come to an end and we have to make the most of it! When it does end they experience mixed emotions. The fact that they are losing the ‘girl’ and re-entering the big world is a downer but the memories of the fun time will sustain them until the next.
How and when those next times arise are very different. A friend of mine says the dressing urge abates with every new girlfriend who normally departs on discovering his other side as they can’t cope with the two personalities. However, on his own, the girl comes out from those deeper reaches. Another is a high powered executive making multi million dollar deals on a daily basis. The girl side allows him to forget everything and give into a sissy side that hands control to others. One is just at a time in life where the empty nest has resulted in him being able to reassess his life/marriage and the girl releases a side of his personality that he/she has kept hidden for so long. Others are dabbling with Transsexualism and going through a bit of a gender crisis. The dressing is a starting point to looking at their whole identity. Some feel that their real personality in male form is completely suppressed and that, as a Tranny we can be a little naughty and express ourselves far more openly. To some it’s pure escapism from the drudgery of a boring life again allowing them to enhance their lives.
I have said in the title that I thought that dressing was a coping strategy for life. A way to allow one to overcome issues one may have because so many feelings and emotions are hidden and need to get out. But having written this article I realise it’s deeper than that and it’s a mix of reasons. Being a Tranny is an essential part of you that needs to have some form of expression that is away from the norms of our daily existence, that does not conform, that allows us to be expressive and sexy.
Subtez

Yes sexy, to some a short mini skirt is sexy to others a wedding dress, for another office suit, a long summer dress whatever. It’s allowing you to make a clear statement about you that does not conform to designated standard average as defined by society. Yawn!

So whatever drives you and floats your boat just enjoy the moment because the boy side will be back and let’s be honest you like that side as well. If not you are not in my humble opinion a Trannny!  XXX

Sorry I have been absent for some time it has purely been about taking a pause for breath. Sometimes the whole Trannying thing can be too much. It can take over and dictate your life far, far too much. Especially if like me you see it as a great hobby a bit of fun and a sexy pastime. But from time to time it can start to dominate your waking and sleeping moments. You are constantly planning your next outing, buying clothes, deciding on places/events to go to, who to go with etc. It’s all part of that buzz of being ‘the girl’. The days leading up to the event are awash with many alternative thoughts as to what you might do, if you might be recognised, if you might get some abuse, will you really look that good. It’s a heady whirl of fun for a few hours when you relax as the other person.
AppleMark

AppleMark

This is great and just like any fun you have to be aware of it turning into an addiction. If you are not going to move down the Trans route then you desperately need to balance things for your life, your partner, your friends and family. Trannies by their nature are selfish beasts because they rarely get to dress. So when they are in girl mode they want to talk about themselves and their alternative identity to the exclusion of all others. This in the main is because we don’t really understand why we are as we are and we want to find out more about ourselves by discussing it on our terms. We do this because we have limited time as ‘the girl’ and enjoy indulging in it for very very selfish reasons. Its innate within us for sure but very hard to describe why. This selfishness however can have a detrimental effect on those around us.
Susie my partner who runs the Chateau Femme dressing service sees this all the time. With so many girls all she has to ask is how are you? 30 minutes later there is a pause for breath for the next question. How are you feeling? Then 30 minutes later and so on you get my drift? The girls love this release and the chance to discuss with someone their innermost thoughts and feelings which are normally hidden in this ‘Man Up’ world. There is no real chat about the weather. politics, the economy just about the girl inside. This is fine in a dressing situation because it is about the girl and Susie intrinsically understands the need for a release of those pent up emotions. She knows that in reality we can only truly talk about our femme side when dressed and in many cases this is all to infrequent and the bottled up emotions come flooding out as soon as the wig goes on (see my previous post)!
However when it comes to social occasions I find all to frequently that many girls continue with this diatribe to the exclusion of all others in the group. They just have to get it out and try to turn all conversations to their inner thoughts about me, me, me. The result is that you watch the group switching off, good conversation does not flow and it ruins the night for others.
Occasionally talking about yourself is fine as long as it’s not a permanent part of the conversation. You have to start considering others. I know in the past I have had a dammit attitude and this has affected my relationships with others. It is also good to take a long hard look at yourself.
I recently had some time off from Tara to reflect on myself and you relationship with Susie. She was concerned the Tara side was becoming too frequent because she likes the boy side as well. I was concerned that I was doing Tara purely to help her and not really doing it for myself. The law of diminishing returns was being invoked and there was friction. We needed some space to have a good look at where things were going!Tranny Mirror
I was quite surprised how quickly I did not miss Tara. I approached things from a fresher perspective knowing this elephant was not in the room and did not have to plan anything around her, so had plenty of time to get on with the other side of my life. All thoughts of Tara went to the back of my mind and I got on with living and loving! We had no discussions or chit chat about Tara for 2 weeks and she was put firmly away for a month. However as the month progressed we started to talk about what it meant to both of us and we found we had so much common ground that had been lost in a couple of issues we had.
I realised that I had got into the wrong mindset (for me) of Tara and was sending out the wrong signals (unintentional) in the way I might dress and how I acted. Susie saw that she also had taken the ‘clues’ in the wrong way  and that she actually liked the girl side around as well. We came not to a compromise but to a middle way that actually has been so beneficial to us both.
I have now purposely limited the amount of times I dress and as a result as I get a bigger hit. Its the old maxim, less is more, though this should not be applied to the length of your dress!!. I go out less often and we always go out together! The result has put control and balance in our lives as both of us have to chose our timings very considerately and carefully. We are much much happier for this. This I might add was our solution it is not a panacea for all.
You might say this is great for couples but what if I am single? In my opinion the same applies as I have seen so many girls who see the whole dressing side dominating their every waking moment and this in itself causes stress and sometimes depression. In some ways it can be a fill-in for boredom, an extra in a life that may not have sex at the moment, some just like looking pretty, others find the whole mindset de-stressing getaway from the issues of day-to-day life.
But the thing is this is not genuine reality. When you take the wig and slap off you still see the bloke in the mirror and that is not going to go away. What you have to do is enjoy the moment on a regular and structured basis and not let it drive you. Accept that is part of you yes, it is not going to go away by some form of magic. If you are not going down the TS route then this is a fun side of you that happens from time to time. Start for example by saying ‘right I will dress only once a week’ and see what the effect is. Plan the day but don’t get over obsessed as this being the highlight of your week, Just get on and enjoy. After a month look back and see if you are enjoying things more or less and then adapt. But put a measure of control on it for your own sanity!
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This applies particularly to those who are coming to dressing for the first time. That heady rush that you get from realising that this is innate to you, you have denied yourself for so long and suddenly you want to make up for lost time, to catch up with the others who have been out long before you. You realise there are so many things to explore and learn to get out to so many places to meet others. But stop it will happen in time but you cannot let it become your exclusive preserve to the exclusion of all those around you. You need balance and have to reign those desires in and manage the competing demands on your time. Stop being selfish and realise that life is about others as well. Here endeth the first lesson!!!
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