Tara's Transvestite Blog

 In an article I wrote in January I wrote about the problem with many Transvestites was that they talk far too much about themselves and listen far too little to others. I have to apologise to all my TV friends about them talking about themselves too much as I now realise that being a TV is very much about standing out and making a statement, and by contrast being a Transsexual is all about blending in with society in the gender role with which you feel most comfortable you feel most comfortable.

OK there are 80% of TV’s that are still in the closet who have little or no chance to stand out because they are locked away for one reason or another. But I don’t believe it takes it away from the fact that most of us do like the appreciation we get when we go out dressed from the broader minded members of the general public. Its our statement that we hope others will like.

My partner who runs Chateau Femme Dressing Service sees it on a daily basis. Initially her ‘girls’ are too embarrassed to go out but with a helping hand they step over the threshold and then there is no stopping them. After that they almost crave the attention of someone looking at them because it is the culmination of their journey to finally have an element of acceptance in society.

There is also the by-product that they now have an audience to talk to about themselves after years of hiding it all away and they want to tell everything to any poor soul who shows an inkling of wanting to listen to them. It won’t be another Tranny because they’ll also be wanting to do the same thing. It’s a poor member of the public that gets both barrels for hours on end! Sorry fellow Trannies but its a reality!

Once a Tranny is out they are embarking on a very different journey to a TS. For the TS it is a permanent change where they become part of the social fabric, for the TV its a vital expression of a part of their character. For one its a lifestyle change for the other its a journey into self discovery. Society accepts the TS because they understand how they feel being born into the wrong gender. A TV is not really accepted because it is seen as more of a perversion rather than changing your life. This in turn attracts little sympathy or appreciation from the broader society. And let’s be honest we don’t really understand how or why we are as we are so how the hell should anyone else understand us. Just enjoy our time on the Femme side and don’t over think it.

I think that in essence most TV’s do like to show off a little, its part of our make-up but it’s still not as acceptable as it could be. Drag Queens get away with it because it is seen as part of their act, but for Trannies it’s probably a little too close to home for too many people. They realise that anyone of us could be their ‘normal’ neighbour’ from next door.

I also think that quite a large amount of the group that do go out like an element of the shock value that seeing a Tranny creates, they like the attention. I think they get a perverse thrill out of taking members of the general public out of their vanilla comfort zone and shaking things up a bit. They have fun making others uncomfortable and the best of those are the drag queens! There is a huge element of the peacock (or is that pea hen?) amongst Transvestites who want to be seen and then, of course, heard. I am not sure if it is an extrovert trying to get out of an introverted existence or not.

So many of us need this form of expression to release an inner self and in doing so comes a more expressive person that at times starts to talk about themselves…too much, with little regard to how bored others are becoming with the incessant one-way verbiage that the ‘for one night only’ Tranny gives out. It is quite funny watching a group of us round a table as blokes we talk in stories as TV’s we want to talk inner feelings, but the problem is none of the other ‘girls’ round the table want to listen! So woe betide the onlooker!

As we mature (as a TV) this focus on self does dissipate but it takes many years and many outings to finally exorcise the ghost of Trannydom. As I tried to show in my journey through the Tranny world there is a path we go through and we are all at different phases on that journey. People in society are being exposed to so many varying levels of Transvestism they just find it very difficult to comprehend. The worst aspect of this lack of understanding is that many of the general public take certain aspects of what we go through on our journey and immediately label us with a small part of the whole Tranny world. This gives us a poor image in society without it trying to understand us. Best example is the first question you are asked by a partner “is are you gay?” not “how did you come to be like this?”

All hail being a TV. Enjoy being expressive about life and all its foibles. Glory in avoiding the deathtrap of conformity and standing out. Rejoice in your difference you will understand yourself better and this will give you increased confidence. For so many this side of you has been hidden for so long it needs regular exposure to make a statement to the world even if they don’t want to hear it. It’s a rite of passage that given the freedom to do it most TV’s would try. Unfortunately society is still not ready for it because they do not understand it. Nor do we!

I used to say that I liked going out dressed because it was a bit naughty and I was breaking some moral codes of society that I thought were wrong and that gave me the buzz. This was true initially but now I realise part of showing myself off is related to how I feel inside. We use the term ‘sexy’ or ‘turned on’ but that is not the half of it. What is going on inside is the butterfly is emerging from the pupa and the real personality or at least one personality is blossoming. (Sorry too many analogies there but you get my drift) It’s a bit like saying that sometimes you enjoy the calm of a game of chess but at other times you like the whole spectacle of watching a football match. Each event gives rise to different emotions so it is that the man and the TV give rise to different aspects of your personality, which is not necessarily balanced. God help us if you were the same each and every day that would be no fun either!

Showing off is one thing and looking for admiring comments is another which is quite understandable. Chatting about your TV person is also totally acceptable but what is wrong is dominating conversations to the exclusion of all others.

I am no different to any other Tranny chatterboxes in that I enjoy my time being noticed and that rare time to talk about my Tranny side. But I know when I am dominating the conversation and shut up to let others have their say. The ones who go on and on about themselves their life and how it affects them or turns everyone else’s conversation to an experience they have had and then bosses all conversation are just a real pain for whom I have little time. This is a shared world not a world that has to share your experiences!

So I am apologising to all those I berated in my previous sermons who were only having a light conversation about themselves. I am not however a fan of gobby Transvestites because they take up all the room for the rest of us. But I understand why they are as they are and why, sometimes, I have to move to another table.XXX

I have never hidden the fact that I enjoy, sorry adore, the change of mindset when I dress. I enjoy the switchover from the masculine to the femme side. It helps balance my mind and body allowing me to indulge in the two different aspects of my personality, much of which is hidden when in ‘boy’ mode.

But I also like my male side as well. I actively try to keep the two apart so that I can have my cake and eat it. It has been noticed by others though, that the more Tara gets out the more those mannerisms, actions and ways of speaking that are associated with my TV persona are creeping into my everyday boy side. Note to self… be aware!

Many of my Tranny friends do identify with this. Releasing that the girl allows them to express themselves in ways that are not ‘acceptable’ in boy mode. We do appreciate the fun of dressing up to look good, we do feel sexy in girl mode, we enjoy the softer side we let out in this mindset and we tend to relax much, much more when the femme side is exposed.

But it is a bit more than just letting the femme side out. I think that because of how society works and its social pressures we have been conditioned to repress many aspects of our personality which the great and good vanilla people say is ‘not proper’. These traits are hidden under layers and layers of guilt, embarrassment, expectation and conformity. I think the ‘girl’ gives us some kind of permission to indulge in our hidden desires be they sexual, mental or behavioural.

It is not an excuse to say that dressing somehow allows us to ‘play’ in whatever way we like, rather it just releases these wants and fantasies that lie so dormant below the surface. I think that it frees so many frustrations within us and that is why it is such a relaxing activity. A great stress buster.

I have TV friends who say it allows them to enjoy sex in ways they would not do in boy mode, others say they can enjoy BDSM in a much more relaxed and submissive (occasionally dominant) form. Some say it allows them to dress in a fetish way, many say it allows the sub sissy to come out. Most say it allows them to switch off and feel good about themselves for a moment.

A few say it starts them down the TS route because they suddenly feel more comfortable in day-to-day life when dressed as a woman where they can be how they feel inside. It’s oh so complicated and not as one-dimensional as some outsiders would have you believe. What is most important is that we can finally move over to the enlightened side and change our perspective on life. So many say that having visited this side of their personality they find normal day-to-day dinner parties rather boring because the do not have the depth of conversation that they have in girl mode.

 But this changeover of mindset does not happen instantly and it takes a bit of introspection to find out what is going on in your head. You probably have to try a lot of things out before you realise what it is that drives you. It’s not schizophrenic its more a duality of personality that you can switch between as your mood takes you. If you like me enjoy playing with both sides that makes for a great life. However if this creates turmoil and gender dysphoria in your head then you have to see a counsellor before it starts to disrupt your thoughts causing stress and strain in your everyday life.

So what do I mean by a change of mindset? It’s not easy to explain as its something going on in your head that makes you realise that the way you are thinking and acting is not what you were doing half an hour ago. Putting on clothes and make up is not a change of mind its crossdressing. And crossdressing normally can be associated with a lot of fantasies  and sexual desires that are enhanced by certain aspects of clothing. This is where the crossdresser and the Transvestite are always confused. Confusion also arises with TS’s because they are to all intents a woman not someone who dresses up to show off her alternative persona.

A Transvestite needs to get into a complete situation where the show of hair make up dress heels etc. is an outward manifestation of what is going on inside their head. This is particularly why Trannies tend to dress a bit more overtly than their TS friends. The Tranny is making their own personal statement that this is who they are and is not concerned that they stand out or look like ‘a Tranny’ God Forbid!. If the short skirt the high heels the OTT make up do it for you then that is what you do its part of who you are that is definitely not conformist anymore. It ain’t gonna be hidden! The TS on the other hand is a woman and as such endeavours to blend in and be more of the norm in female society. So many TS’s and women have asked me why do you dress like a Tranny and not like a ‘real’ woman, to which my answer is because I am a Tranny!

Little aside here is I hate the destruction of the words Transvestite and Tranny by our American cousins who see the word as related to purely a person who dresses up in the clothes of the opposite sex for sex! They bastardised the word in the 80’s and 90’s and now frown on it and expect the rest of the world, who kept clear distinctions to adopt their position. They now merge crossdresser and Transvestite into the same package. Stand up for us UK Transvestites and reeducate the Yanks. Rant over!

So when does this change of mind happen? For me it varies. Something I see on the web, in the street or in a conversation conjures up the feelings that make me want to dress. It takes a little time to foment as I have always been a person who likes events not things done on the spur of the moment. I love the whole planning of the look, the outfits how I am  going to do things etc. I love the whole build up of expectation as to what I am going to do and how I am going to do it.

I tried to explain this to my partner Susie at her Chateau Femme dressing service. Her clients have booked in most cases several weeks ago and have put a lot of thought into their look and what they want from the day. In the week before they will be very excited by what is going to happen  and it will put a lot of pressure on her to deliver something that many find difficult to elucidate. Great that she is psychic! Most of her girls say they love the whole aspect of sitting in the make up chair having her put on the make up it is at that time that their mind turns.

Anyway these thought build up more and more of Tara in my mindset up to the moment when I am in front of the mirror when the male side starts to drift away. Well some aspects. because let’s be honest you are looking at a bloke who is about to put make up on and create the girl. (note to all learn better make up skills)!  As my transfer progresses from showering to makeup to dressing I find myself moving deeper and deeper into the femme mindset. In particular, for me, when the wig goes on that normally is the moment of realising you are there! After that its a case of embellishing it with some great heels!

However It is odd that some days I am standing in front of the mirror putting on my makeup or an item of clothing or a wig and expecting that final rush of the change to happen and it just does not occur. For some reason or other I am stuck in a halfway house.

In the past I would carry on regardless and realise after about an hour or two into my time as Tara that in fact I was still a ‘cock in a frock’, I am not relaxing and frustrated with not ‘being there’. The whole event would have felt like a waste of time. Nowadays I tend to realise fairly early on if this shift is going to happen or not and if it’s a NO I just take everything off and go down the pub in boy mode regretting the fact that I miss the genuine deep relaxation that Tara gives me.

Of much more of a concern is how quickly I can switch back into boy mode even when I am on a real high on the femme side . Or maybe that is how quickly I can switch off girl mode and return to true type. Not sure. Certainly I see myself a s a man who likes to get in touch with his feminine side through dressing, not a woman in a man’s body who wants to be out all the time. There is no fun in that! That is why I hate people asking me why I do not dress more often. Tara is special not day-to-day and I enjoy doing to when the mood takes me. Times, place and event vary.

But its is odd that one moment the girl is there and suddenly you realise its gone and you just want to go home and change because you know that it’s not going to come back. This is particularly quick when my friends call me by my male name or start to treat me as one of the lads or boyfriend or the person who is expected to do the fetching and carrying because that is what i might do in boy mode.

The opposite also applies at the end of a particularly good evening when you are on your Tranny high and you do not want to give these feelings up. The whole event has gone so well and you are buzzing, the last thing you want to do is take it all off and return to Mr Vanilla. This come down has to be managed so you create a slow process of taking off the whole person to gradually allow you to go to sleep without feeling too frustrated that this wonderfully relaxed pastime is about to end.

The mind is a wonderful place for experimentation and play. It’s a great place to visit for your highs but can also be a horrible place for your lows. We all probably over think so many things to destruction. But do not let the mind dominate the bad aspects of your life. I have written in the past about Trannying being a coping strategy for many where they retreat into the sexy relaxation of the TV mindset. It is however not a substitute for reality checks nor is putting on a wig. You still have to realise if you are not a TS this is a fun pastime for you to enjoy as you wish.

At the time of writing this its high summer and 28 degrees outside not the time for wearing a Balaclava (wig) for me but for others its something they must do it’s not fun! Enjoy within reason XXX

This was the first question I was asked by my then wife when she found out about Tara. It’s a topic that raises its head time and time again amongst the TV community. Many people fail to understand the difference between gender and sexuality and tightly put people into simple boxes 100% male or 100% female and 100% gay or 100% straight. Modern society is slowly realising there are so many layers to our personality that to confine them to easy to understand boxes is now far too simplistic. I prefer the fact that I think we are gender and sexually fluid and to constrain us to one little box is impossible for all time is just plain nuts. We need to re-think what these traits are.

So what exactly is Gay then? Funny how we don’t us the word homosexual instead we like to us a softer term that in the past meant showing a merry and lively mood, a hedonistic approach to life, not fancying other blokes. That’s one for the psychologists. I am here to discuss the sexual aspects of Transvestism but only I stress from my myopic and very fluid point of view.

Personally I think there are very few totally heterosexual or totally homosexual people in society. OK there may be an occasional one at the extremes just like any bell curve and, more importantly,  those who have been brainwashed by various elements of society into being told they are one or the other, but the reality is we all exist somewhere along the continuum. I also think that things such as dressing bring out an exploratory nature to our sexuality and we can change our position along the continuum from time to time as the mood takes us. I can remember in the olden days when you scored a try at rugby the ‘blokes’ would shake your hand, nowadays they mob each other with hugs kisses etc. it’s allowed now, it’s no longer considered gay! Society in general is much more touchy-feely than was thought proper in the past and as a result people are allowed to express themselves in a more open manner

Putting on a dress and make up has a dual effect allowing you to hide behind a mask and express an inner person at the same time.Here you can indulge in private fantasies that are not really a part of your ‘normal’ sexuality but are fun to experiment with. It almost gives you permission to test your own boundaries. Most of the time it’s not about actually having sex its more the feelings it conjures up inside you, a part of you that s hidden. Most TV’s (note not necessarily TS’s) are teasers they like the fact that their dressing messes with people’s perceptions of what men and women are.  They enjoy the fact that they are showing off an aspect of themselves which conflicts with the norms of society and in love it when they get the recognition that they seek, which they probably crave, but realise Mr Sexual Norm would never get in day-to-day boy mode.

It’s a release from the confines of ‘normal’ living. Some can take it too far and become a Tranny sensationalist but inside most of us there is an element of wanting to show off a bit.So the dresses are too short the make-up over the top, the heels too high and the wigs too bouffant, but it works for the vast majority of us.

 This trapped Genie has to come out of the bottle from time-to-time and almost all of us love to feel sexy, something we rarely feel in boy mode which we refer to as Mr Grey, Mr Yawn, Mr Grumpy, Mr Average etc. So many of the TV’s I know use dressing as substitute for sex which stopped long ago with their partner and need some form of release to feel sexier again. Its their coping strategy for lost sensations.Unfortunately this sends out the wrong notes to many saying ‘that Tranny is on the pull for a guy’.

Dressing also brings out other parts of your personality which are probably more gregarious in what they will do. By breaking with what you are meant to do you look at life from a different perspective. You suddenly realise how ‘vanilla’ your life had become you were always talking about events not feelings and emotions. Boy mode tells stories girl mode makes them!

Many of my Tranny friends have said that dressing has allowed them to just enjoy all aspects of life as many of the barriers or taboos have been lifted by them moving away from the constraints of social order. They look at society as having too may strictures that bind and control people’s true personalities. Embracing the TV side allows for experimentation fantasy and fun which might otherwise be frowned upon.There is a need for balance in many people lives a sort of Yin and Yang that needs to live in equilibrium.

My partner Susie finds exactly this at her dressing service Chateau Femme. She has a very strong coterie of Maids and Sissies (which is a strand of Transvestism) that just like to let go. Almost all would say the reason why they like being a maid or a sissy is the fact that in their stressful world they can, for a short time, let go of everything that constrains them in their male side and allows them to express a softer out of control side which balances up their personality. Others find different routes, which is great just as long as it does not harm others.

I find that having quite a strong OCD side to my personality my dressing allows me to relax and switch off. I can enjoy the softer sexier aspects of my personality which lie dormant at other times and are replaced by an organised controlled lifestyle. One irony of this is that in boy mode I can cook rather well, but when in Tranny mode I cannot cook for toffee!

So of course letting go of the boundaries regarding how we look will naturally allow you to look at your sexuality. The problem is that we can get confused with sexy and sexual desires. Also if we dress in a rather provocative way and people start flattering you with compliments which you would never get in the man world then elements of confusion arrive. Many, many, many TV’s have had a homoerotic encounter of one type or another, it is part of their coming of age, there is a need to discover what the hell that is about. It’s a rite of passage, but of those that I have talked to (who would consider themselves heterosexual) about 80% say they would not be doing it again. Dressing allowed them to push their limits because they were running a different mindset. The other 20% do say that they realised as a result of the experience that they are bi-sexual.

Another problem is that few women are interested in having sex with a Tranny we cross too many boundaries and confuse too many of the rules that bind our society. The bulk of TV’s want sex with women but the distinction of who does what to whom and how just buggers up the whole process. (Sorry bugger is probably the wrong word.)I find it takes a very strong women to take on a Tranny because they are effectively going out with two people at the same time. So where does a Tranny who is feeling sexy and/or sexual go?

Our male side enjoys sex we don’t have as many hang ups as women have about it. Love to us is about companionship partnership sharing caring and looking after your partner.

Sex is a fantastic plus, but men also like sex for the sake of sex. Most of us are genetically programmed to want it, sorry need it! Unfortunately this results is an element of promiscuity that is frowned upon and in Tranny mode this can have many manifestations…good and bad!

This would imply that we give into our Id all the time, for some maybe but for the vast majority we make the mistake once learn and move on. The result is a phenomenal number of highly turned on Trannies wishing they could find a girl to enjoy this lifestyle. In turn they are being complimented by real women who say they look fantastic but do not want the complications of a third-party in their relationship who probably has better legs than them!

It also doesn’t help either that a large number of TV’s here in the UK go out to Gay clubs that are more welcoming and friendly to them than the straight bars and as a result are seen as going there to pick up men! They would probably like to go to a straighter (but slightly kinky) environment but don’t want the embarrassment of being vilified in public as not looking like a real woman! So they end up in the wrong place doing the wrong thing for the wrong reasons and then worrying if they have suddenly become Gay!

So to answer the question are you gay? Probably not. You are certainly not absolutely straight but you feel sexy and alive with few societal restrictions on you allowing you to do what you want. So a bit bi-sexual probably but in reality just want some fun with a real woman but sometimes something else will do!  Confused? I bloody well hope so!  XXX