You are not thinking clearly
We have a tendency to overthink many of our so called ‘problems’ related to Transvestism. In particular the idea that on every corner of every street there is someone who will ‘clock’ you in femme mode and you will be exposed to the world for the pervert you are and your whole life will be ruined. The chances are so slight. You are also wrong on 4 premises. One that people are actively looking to spot a Tranny, two you have made no effort to dress and are just a bearded bloke in a dress hence are totally reconisable, three that there are people in the vicinity that know you and four they want to make your life miserable by going behind your back!
My girlfriend who, as you know, runs the Chateau Femme dressing service says she sees it on a daily basis. The T’s who come to see her are at times paranoid about being discovered. Frightened of photographs, a smudge on their collar or eyeliner left after the event and petrified someone is going to jump out of a wardrobe and photograph them inflagrante delicto. Though I can understand they have some worries, as I did in the early stages, some do become so frozen by their worries they cannot enjoy the moment and life becomes even more stressful. If you make the decision to do it let the fear go.
In my experience I have never, yet, been discovered in the flesh, or not to my knowledge or chagrin. And to be honest I don’t care as much as I did 20 years ago as its much more acceptable these days. If somebody spots us they tend to miscast as a TS and are worried the liberal left ‘wokes’ will view them as anti-Trans so say nothing! Such a weird society we live in!
I must say however that despite this whole tolerant, politically correct society you still have to accept that you are an aberration from ‘the norm’ and long may we be so. Embrace the naughty (OK femme) side, but beware that in some cases we tend to over or under estimate the consequences.
So lets look at the two aspects as to how we tend to over or under think things relating to Transvestism:
OverThinking
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You are going to be discovered if you post a pic on-line – as I say to everyone if you post a pic or are part of a group pic then this is going to be broadcast into the webosphere forever. Once its gone its registered, however your chances of being recognised in your male persona are pretty close to zero. Though with Face Recognition technology improving rapidly this may become more frequent in the future. But then someone has to be quite malicious to want to do this. If you want to bugger up the technology make a minor alteration to you r face using some of the ‘beautifying’ apps such as Portrait Pro and Adobe Photoshop and if its discovered in 10 years who will care. Just take a look at all the before and after shots of Trannies and the difference is quite considerable if they go to great efforts to make-up, do the same.
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You are going to be recognised when you are out – look at the pictures of girls pre and post transformation again, they are pretty unrecognisable even when the 2 pics are up against each other. Yes you will be seen as a TV/TS but beyond that few people stare. Look at how you look at others in a public place, we don’t look at the detail we look at generalities. That being said if you are wearing a long pink wig, a PVC mini-skirt and 6 inch stilettos then you will attract a more than cursory glance. But then if you are doing that then I think that is what you want anyway. Most of us have realised that the bulk of people of people are just getting on with their life and more interested in themselves and their social media circle to really worry who you are and what you are doing. Yes some places are tolerant others less so. The rule is to think why you should go to a particular place or not.
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You are going to attract derision from ‘the lads and ladettes’ when you are out – I talked to 10 of my friends about this and we worked out we had been out over 2000 times and in that period we could only recall 10-12 times (4 were women orientated) when we had had a problem, normally due to excess alcohol. In general we found we were accepted as an oddball making a bit of a statement and the vast majority of people were interested in why we were as we were. So if you stay away from late night bars with drunks then you are safe as houses
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People think you are Gay because you dress – yes there are a lot of TV’s who exhibit bi-sexual tendencies when dressed and yet have none of these desires when in boy mode. I have always maintained we live on a gender and sexuality continuum and we move up and down it from male to female and heterosexual to gay. There are too many boxes and we are fluid according to our situation. We all have varying and different aspects to our personality. Most also like naughty oddball sexual encounters. It just means we don’t want to be judged by a conformist strict code set by an intolerant left leaning liberal Twitterati. People tend to generalise in their minds so its for you to persuade them otherwise, unless that’s your bag! Live life and don’t let others set your agenda, you only have one and believe me it is a short one! Less than 6% of men are out and gay and less than 1% are ‘out’ Transvestites, so get people to do the math. Remind them why you like to dress and what it does to you, after that its over to how they accept you.
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Dressing Service and Mistresses will publish your details all over the internet – as my girlfriend says if she was to publish anything on the internet without peoples approval her business would be dead in 6 months. Same applies to anybody in the Personal Services business. Their business relies on discretion and their peers will be furious should any of them break that code of honour.
Be objective not subjective
Yes there are a few in the Sunday Papers who take the money to kiss and tell, but that is for celebrities, those people want their 15 mins of fame and are soon forgotten. The vast majority of them are just decent honest working people who have identified their niche in the market to make money. Most genuinely like Trannies and find them mildly exotic. Some are rip-off because they are not really into the business, just want to make a quick buck, and thought this was a way to easy riches. Both they and the customers soon find out it is not. It never ceases to amaze me how many genuinely nice women are in this very, very stressful business and still remain very kind. Remember it is they that have to open the door to a maniac like you!! -
You do not pass so people will laugh at you – confidence is the key to this. Not every woman is your ideal beauty but there are so many whose personality transcends any mild weaknesses in their hair, make up or dress sense that makes just a great person to be with. That is so much more than being the perfectionist that looks immaculate but that just sits in the corner and contributes nothing else to the party. Part of the fun of being out is mixing and getting people’s attention and embracing all aspects of your femme side. If this frightens you just stay at home on your own…NOT!
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Fear Is the road block – I covered this in my FEAR article a couple of years ago. The fact is that fear paralyzes rational thinking, action and fun. Overthinking situations leads to compounding this fear Yes I think a tiny bit of healthy fear is right as it keeps us awake and alive to any potential threats, it makes the moment more exciting. Just ask yourself what the most realistic outcome will be, then get on with it!
Under Thinking
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If you have hidden it for many years from your partner it will be better for you when its out – thinking that telling your partner about your femme side might take a load of stress off you, but it dumps everything on your partner. This however is not about stress but about trust or the destruction of it, the essence of a good relationship after openness. If you look at my previous posts on coming out its probably going to be a lonelier life. The problem is not the dressing but the fact you have hidden it for so long and the trust between you built up over the years is blown and in a very, very short space of time you will have turned their world upside down. They in turn will tend to overthink things. You will be listed as a liar and a cheat who is Gay and is playing away all the time. Many partners find it hard to come to terms with the fact that there is a very different person sitting in front of them who was not part of the original package and they think their old life has gone West, especially if the friends and family find out. Think and plan very clearly if you are going down this route, there are enough books and articles to read on it before you do such a thing
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Once you are out it will be easier – its probably a great stress buster getting out and enjoying being a Tranny in wider society but there is still a lot of stigma attached to the whole crossdressing thing. Many people don’t get it and as happens when people have no comprehension they immediately put the worst connotations against it. Yes they will say you look great you are a fantastic dresser but in reality you have to persuade them that you are not a threat to society nor will you murder their children in their beds. You will encounter prejudice because you do not conform to the intolerant liberals who are starting to control our lives and denounce individualism in return for the so called betterment of an ethnocentric society in general.
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Relationships will be easy if your partner meets your femme side – As I said in my article about relationships the other side our femme side brings out another personality from within us. In the majority of cases I have seen this is a softer more relaxed person that is distinct from the boy side. This may be fine for you but your other half has to be able to cope with the ‘other person’ in your relationship. One minute they have a stronger man planning ahead, making decisions and being fairly direct with them, the next they have a person who is laid back living in the moment not really worrying about what is to come. You are forcing them to adapt and that is not what they bargained for when you first met! Its so much better to meet the T-Girl earlier on and find out what you have in common. The reality is you have to go very slowly. You want to show here because you have been doing it for so long she is still in shock and wants no more. She will say yes I would love to meet X but you have to let her determine the time and place when she is the right frame of mind. She has to be a very strong minded open woman so do not push it. I have seen it so many times the Tranny is so desperate to show their partner their femme side its like being picked up by a person you know has had no fun for ages and just wants an encounter. Your mind says not today thanks.
Therefore I am a Tranny
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Its a passing phase that I will grow out of – Not in my experience. The desire to dress waxes and wanes from time to time but in my experience it is there at the back of the mind. I remember my father giving up smoking at 60 because of thrombosis and when he was 84 he said that never a day went by without him thinking of it. But he was strong willed enough not to do it. I have gone for long periods without dressing but it has been an ever present, especially times of loneliness and stress its great therapy.The intense feelings it sums up are things I miss and I always seem to come back to. For those who use it as a coping strategy in down times it can lie dormant when the problems go away, only to return when pressure returns or when it is substituted for something else! For others its a great kink for when vanilla life becomes too boring vanilla life, I have friends who, when they don’t have a girlfriend, use it as a substitute for sex and when they find a new relationship it recedes to the back of their mind only to return when times get a bit tougher or life needs some new challenges! For very few its a constant as we battle, no too strong, PLAY between the male and femme sides of our personality. Embrace it and don’t feel too guilty about it.
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Age will wither it – No again sorry but so many TV’s actually find themselves in their 60’s and 70’s as their life circumstances allow the closet TV to come out. Its such a strong form of expression that it persists into very old age! Some have suppressed these feelings for so long because of their relationships and family, when these no longer apply they embrace theses aspects. The bulk accept that this is how they are and the majority always always regret not having done it earlier, but accept life is about choices.
I am sure there are hundreds of other ways we can look at why we over or under think things. The fact is that the way to view it is if it does not hurt another person then stop thinking too much. If another person is involved then think hard before you take any steps
TaraXXX
Tara's Transvestite Blog 