Tag Archive: Transvestite


I thought in these rather dark and gloomy times it might be nice to be a bit more positive and celebrate all the pluses I have gained from being a Transvestite over the years, so here goes. Its a bit longer than the normal blog but in reality it is just a summary as the real in-depth information could take so much longer, and I will develop it over the coming weeks of isolation!
  1. Relaxation – I have come to realise that the greatest positive I have gained from dressing has been the ability to completely switch off when en femme. To me its a form of mindfulness when I can live in the moment, I call it a blonde moment, because I find it impossible, for example, to cook when dressed as this needs some forward planning! It is at times an intensely personal, selfish thing. In my early days of dressing I used to long to go out. Nowadays I enjoy evenings dressed on my own just as much. Not that I don’t like going out but an evening getting in touch with your femme side with no outside distractions allows you to pursue a myriad of ideas that you may have without anyone judging you for what you are. It allows the feminine, the sexy and the downright outrageous aspects of your personality to have full sway over what you do without incumbencies. So liberating and deeply relaxing.
  2. Stress Busting – this is closely allied to the former but it is more to do with a coping strategy. In this busy never-off society we all need to find ways to switch-off. Most of us get wound up in the stressful nature of today’s society and especially when things go wrong many of us do have ways to get away from it all. For some its exercise, others cooking, a special hobby, sport or other such activities. I found dressing as my mechanism of choice as an exhibitionist way of reducing pressure. It allows us to take the strain out of life for a short while and enjoy oneself, appreciate why we are living and indulge both the mind and body in positive things.

    I Can Get Away With It

  3. Confidence – going out in a frock and high heels is a most daunting task, even for the practiced. Admittedly you overthink things at times and that causes anxiety. But when you have done this then the more mundane things you might have thought ‘risky’ pale very rapidly into insignificance. I remember one of our girls telling us how she had landed a plane in a Force 8 gale on an aircraft carrier in a sea pitching 50 meters and that she was far more scared of going out due to its unpredictable nature. This in turn puts other risks, decisions and life changing moves into perspective. The old adage of ‘what is the worst thing that could happen’ is of paramount importance. I find that aspect brings added confidence to my life in general. Once you have faced up to many of your inner worries then other things come more naturally and you worry less about the consequences.
  4. Socialising – because of the common thing we Trannies share (dressing) I have met so many people from such a wide diversity of life that to be honest I would never really have met in boy mode. You just did not mix or go to the same places, nor meet as tolerant a group of people. TV’s  don’t have the myopia of the increasingly closed social groups fostered by Social Media. If it ain’t what I and my friends like then it ain’t for me is a regular thing we hear. Having a common pastime means you have a new bond with so many different types of people. In my group alone I have  Electricians, an Insurance Agent, several Builders, a Merchant Banker,  a conductor, Servicemen, Warehousemen, Doctors, Taxi Drivers Lawyers, Civil Servants even a Banker from Egypt. The list goes on and on and is so diverse all with one commonality, a feminine side that needs expression. This gives you a much better perspective on life and a more open attitude to society than you would have had you hunkered down with your middle class, rugger buggers at the local pub. The expression ‘we are the same but not the same comes to mind’.
  5. Relationships – without this side to me I would never have met the my partner my LOML whom I met at a Tranny event after I came back from a long sojourn in France. She runs the Chateau Femme Dressing Service (ironically never had the chance to avail myself of these facilities!) The relationship like any TV/Boy and girl one has never been perfectly smooth (or straight) even to someone who absolutely adores Trannies! We all have our foibles that are not to everybody’s taste. But through it all It has also helped me understand what people should expect in a relationship. Not something that is the ideal written about in books or magazines but a flawed thing where the partners understand each other, give each other space and don’t judge each other by what society tells them their partner should be. On top of that you have to learn to talk to each other very openly, and for a person who comes from a ‘man up’ family background and ‘keep it to yourself’ this very very difficult and will always be a work in progress.
  6. Understanding Sexuality and Gender – we all get caught up in the questions of who we are and why are we like we are. The great thing that dressing has allowed me is to accept all aspects of humanity and make me realise that to put anyone, including myself into a specific box is completely wrong. We are similar but different. Also to see sexuality as purely Hetero or Gay is also a load of bollocks. Its a continuum that we move up and down throughout at all times all of our lives. We all change according to situation, needs circumstances, appeal and most of all mindset. I appreciate that there is a biological male and female but few talk about what the mindset of a male and female is because its not so cut and dried. I have never regarded myself as Female but have a huge feminine aspect to my personality. I love the softer aspect it brings and the more flamboyant nature of exhibiting myself in ‘alternative’ look. I love the whole aspect of gender play from dressing to mindset it brings with it so many diverse options.
  7. Flirting – OK we are not meant to talk about this taboo subject but these are different times. so sod it. Yes I love the whole sexy aspect of dressing. I say to my girlfriend that I get this wonderful internal buzz from dressing that I never have in male mode and it makes me a bit flirty. In my early days this took me down some dark roads never to be walked again. But this is all part of a voyage of self-discovery. My girlfriend says it like when she was a 17 year old where everything is new and life’s opportunities open up. Things have to be explored, including far too short skirts! But flirting is such a great game, it no longer leads to a Home Run (not even base 1) but it s a great little sport that almost every Tranny enjoys. Treat it as a sport though not a way to bed. You get appreciation for how you look from women, admirers and other Trannies, we all crave a bit of that. I particularly appreciate those from women who know how long the look took me to do. Then a conversation is built on banter and sexual undertones and that creates a charged frisson in the air. Gives one a real bounce at the end of the night. But be realistic this is a kind of fantasy existence and it all comes off at midnight so don’t let the fun spoil the comedown! Its such great fun to play with the head, a ‘mind fuck’ but believe me the illusion is so much better than the reality.
  8. The Journey – as with anyone I am jealous of those who those who are just embarking on this wonderful bumpy ride. When I started the internet was in its infancy and we had little knowledge of who was out there and what they were doing. It was all too focused on sex and not the fun of what we do. The two aspects got too muddled. Now its more mainstream its not quite as ‘naughty’ as it was and is therefore more acceptable. Today information abounds and the help we can get is incredible. But the real fun is how you develop your Tranny side from dreadful make up and underwear to the beautiful phoenix that arises from so many appalling bonfire. We learn we improve we move on. This voyage of self-discovery is not all pluses, it cost me a marriage , a destruction of trust, times of shame and occasional regret. But it has also brought a greater recognition of myself, some mad sexy evenings, a better appreciation of life and finally much greater inner calm.
  9. Understanding Me Better (though not totally) – part of the fun of writing these blogs has been coming to terms with who I am rather than the person society made me become. There are various things that mold you such as age, circumstances, life changes etc. But there are also innate things within you that have as strong a hold on your person. I have realised I have two strong personas in me. The Boy/Man who has a strong, rational, planner mentality (quite OCD) and the counterbalance creative, mad OTT femme side. I think this just creates the balance that we obviously need the Yin and Yang of life. I sense that those that don’t have this balance will be quite stressed a lot of the time. Women probably have this more than men as they may feel less compelled to fit into a very restrictive mold that is given to them by their biological peers. I think we could write a bloody thesis on this subject. Suffice to say by understanding the two sides of my nature I think I am a more complete person, though I doubt my girlfriend would say that when the grumpy controlling autocrat is out!
  10. Society Has Changed For The Better – For all the faults we see in today’s society and the rose tinted older people who say ‘it was better in my day’, today s society is a much, much more tolerant, benevolent place than it was when I first started dressing. Yes there is still prejudice and wrong assumptions about, but it is far, far less than it was believe me. People, particularly the young are receptive and tolerant of other people’s quirks, as society fragments into more and more smaller tribes and groups so the ‘oddball’ is accepted and largely encouraged. I do however worry about today’s liberal left ‘Woke’ generation that is now blocking expression unless it conforms to what they think. In its turn this will come to haunt us. For the moment thank you to society…in general!

    OK Its Girls But The Thinking is there

I think this is just a starter for what has been a fantastical and fraught ride and that I will update this blog as I think up the many  new positives. I am sure for the vast majority of you who are in the closet hiding this dark secret from others this will be an incredibly frustrating time. But the reality for most of us that we are all finding it frustrating not being able to show the word the other side.
Keep your distance keep safe and see you on the other side
Tara XXX

You are not thinking clearly

We have a tendency to overthink many of our so called ‘problems’ related to Transvestism. In particular the idea that on every corner of every street there is someone who will ‘clock’ you in femme mode and you will be exposed to the world for the pervert you are and your whole life will be ruined. The chances are so slight. You are also wrong on 4 premises. One that people are actively looking to spot a Tranny, two you have made no effort to dress and are just a bearded bloke in a dress hence are totally reconisable, three that there are people in the vicinity that know you and four they want to make your life miserable by going behind your back!
My girlfriend who, as you know, runs the  Chateau Femme dressing service says she sees it on a daily basis. The T’s who come to see her are at times paranoid about being discovered. Frightened of photographs, a smudge on their collar or eyeliner left after the event and petrified someone is going to jump out of a wardrobe and photograph them inflagrante delicto. Though I can understand they have some worries, as I did in the early stages, some do become so frozen by their worries they cannot enjoy the moment and life becomes even more stressful. If you make the decision to do it let the fear go.
In my experience I have never, yet, been discovered in the flesh, or not to my knowledge or chagrin. And to be honest I don’t care as much as I did 20 years ago as its much more acceptable these days. If somebody spots us they tend to miscast as a TS and are worried the liberal left ‘wokes’ will view them as anti-Trans so say nothing! Such a weird society we live in!
I must say however that despite this whole tolerant, politically correct society you still have to accept that you are an aberration from ‘the norm’ and long may we be so. Embrace the naughty (OK femme) side, but beware that in some cases we tend to over or under estimate the consequences.
So lets look at the two aspects as to how we tend to over or under think things relating to Transvestism:
OverThinking
  • You are going to be discovered if you post a pic on-line – as I say to everyone if you post a pic or are part of a group pic then this is going to be broadcast into the webosphere forever. Once its gone its registered, however your chances of being recognised in your male persona are pretty close to zero. Though with Face Recognition technology improving rapidly this may become more frequent in the future. But then someone has to be quite malicious to want to do this. If you want to bugger up the technology make a minor alteration to you r face using some of the ‘beautifying’ apps such as Portrait Pro and Adobe Photoshop and if its discovered in 10 years who will care. Just take a look at all the before and after shots of Trannies and the difference is quite considerable if they go to great efforts to make-up, do the same.
  • You are going to be recognised when you are out – look at the pictures of girls pre and post transformation again, they are pretty unrecognisable even when the 2 pics are up against each other. Yes you will be seen as a TV/TS but beyond that few people stare. Look at how you look at others in a public place, we don’t look at the detail we look at generalities. That being said if you are wearing a long pink wig, a PVC mini-skirt and 6 inch stilettos then you will attract a more than cursory glance. But then if you are doing that then I think that is what you want anyway. Most of us have realised that the bulk of people of people are just getting on with their life and more interested in themselves and their social media circle to really worry who you are and what you are doing. Yes some places are tolerant others less so. The rule is to think why you should go to a particular place or not.
  • You are going to attract derision from ‘the lads and ladettes’ when you are out – I talked to 10 of my friends about this and we worked out we had been out over 2000 times and in that period we could only recall 10-12 times (4 were women orientated)  when we had had a problem, normally due to excess alcohol. In general we found we were accepted as an oddball making a bit of a statement and the vast majority of people were interested in why we were as we were. So if you stay away from late night bars with drunks then you are safe as houses
  • People think you are Gay because you dress – yes there are a lot of TV’s who exhibit bi-sexual tendencies when dressed and yet have none of these desires when in boy mode. I have always maintained we live on a gender and sexuality continuum and we move up and down it from male to female and heterosexual to gay. There are too many boxes and we are fluid according to our situation. We all have varying and different aspects to our personality. Most also like naughty oddball sexual encounters. It just means we don’t want to be judged by a conformist strict code set by an intolerant left leaning liberal Twitterati. People tend to generalise in their minds so its for you to persuade them otherwise, unless that’s your bag! Live life and don’t let others set your agenda, you only have one and believe me it is a short one! Less than 6% of men are out and gay and less than 1% are ‘out’ Transvestites, so get people to do the math. Remind them why you like to dress and what it does to you, after that its over to how they accept you.
  • Dressing Service and Mistresses will publish your details all over the internet – as my girlfriend says if she was to publish anything on the internet without peoples approval her business would be dead in 6 months. Same applies to anybody in the Personal Services business. Their business relies on discretion and their peers will be furious should any of them break that code of honour.

    Be objective not subjective

    Yes there are a few in the Sunday Papers who take the money to kiss and tell, but that is for celebrities, those people want their 15 mins of fame and are soon forgotten. The vast majority of them are just decent honest working people who have identified their niche in the market to make money. Most genuinely like Trannies and find them mildly exotic. Some are rip-off because they are not really into the business, just want to make a quick buck, and thought this was a way to easy riches. Both they and the customers soon find out it is not. It never ceases to amaze me how many genuinely nice women are in this very, very stressful business and still remain very kind. Remember it is they that have to open the door to a maniac like you!!
  • You do not pass so people will laugh at you – confidence is the key to this. Not every woman is your ideal beauty but there are so many whose personality transcends any mild weaknesses in their hair, make up or dress sense that makes just a great person to be with. That is so much more than being the perfectionist that looks immaculate but that just sits in the corner and contributes nothing else to the party. Part of the fun of being out is mixing and getting people’s attention and embracing all aspects of your femme side. If this frightens you just stay at home on your own…NOT!
  • Fear Is the road block – I covered this in my FEAR article a couple of years ago. The fact is that fear paralyzes rational thinking, action and fun.  Overthinking situations leads to compounding this fear Yes I think a tiny bit of healthy fear is right as it keeps us awake and alive to any potential threats, it makes the moment more exciting. Just ask yourself what the most realistic outcome will be, then get on with it!
Under Thinking
  • If you have hidden it for many years from your partner it will be better for you when its out – thinking that telling your partner about your femme side might take a load of stress off you, but it dumps everything on your partner. This however is not about stress but about trust or the destruction of it, the essence of a good relationship after openness. If you look at my previous posts on coming out its probably going to be a lonelier life. The problem is not the dressing but the fact you have hidden it for so long and the trust between you built up over the years is blown and in a very, very short space of time you will have turned their world upside down. They in turn will tend to overthink things. You will be listed as a liar and a cheat who is Gay and is playing away all the time. Many partners find it hard to come to terms with the fact that there is a very different person sitting in front of them who was not part of the original package and they think their old life has gone West, especially if the friends and family find out. Think and plan very clearly if you are going down this route, there are enough books and articles to read on it before you do such a thing
  • Once you are out it will be easier – its probably a great stress buster getting out and enjoying being a Tranny in wider society but there is still a lot of stigma attached to the whole crossdressing thing. Many people don’t get it and as happens when people have no comprehension they immediately put the worst connotations against it. Yes they will say you look great you are a fantastic dresser but in reality you have to persuade them that you are not a threat to society nor will you murder their children in their beds. You will encounter prejudice because you do not conform to the intolerant liberals who are starting to control our lives and denounce individualism in return for the so called betterment of an ethnocentric society in general.
  • Relationships will be easy if your partner meets your femme side – As I said in my article about relationships the other side our femme side brings out another personality from within us. In the majority of cases I have seen this is a softer more relaxed person that is distinct from the boy side. This may be fine for you but your other half has to be able to cope with the ‘other person’ in your relationship. One minute they have a stronger man planning ahead, making decisions and being fairly direct with them, the next they have a person who is laid back living in the moment not really worrying about what is to come. You are forcing them to adapt and that is not what they bargained for when you first met! Its so much better to meet the T-Girl earlier on and find out what you have in common. The reality is you have to go very slowly. You want to show here because you have been doing it for so long she is still in shock and wants no more. She will say yes I would love to meet X but you have to let her determine the time and place when she is the right frame of mind. She has to be a very strong minded open woman so do not push it. I have seen it so many times the Tranny is so desperate to show their partner their femme side its like being picked up by a person you know has had no fun for ages and just wants an encounter. Your mind says not today thanks.

    Therefore I am a Tranny

  • Its a passing phase that I will grow out of – Not in my experience. The desire to dress waxes and wanes from time to time but in my experience it is there at the back of the mind. I remember my father giving up smoking at 60 because of thrombosis and when he was 84 he said that never a day went by without him thinking of it. But he was strong willed enough not to do it. I have gone for long periods without dressing but it has been an ever present, especially times of loneliness and stress its great therapy.
    The intense feelings it sums up are things I miss and I always seem to come back to. For those who use it as a coping strategy in down times it can lie dormant when the problems go away, only to return when pressure returns or when it is substituted for something else! For others its a great kink for when vanilla life becomes too boring vanilla life,  I have friends who, when they don’t have a girlfriend, use it as a substitute for sex and when they find a new relationship it recedes to the back of their mind only to return when times get a bit tougher or life needs some new challenges! For very few its a constant as we battle, no too strong, PLAY between the male and femme sides of our personality. Embrace it and don’t feel too guilty about it.
  • Age will wither it – No again sorry but so many TV’s actually find themselves in their 60’s and 70’s as their life circumstances allow the closet TV to come out. Its such a strong form of expression that it persists into very old age! Some have suppressed these feelings for so long because of their relationships and family, when these no longer apply they embrace theses aspects. The bulk accept that this is how they are and the majority always always regret not having done it earlier, but accept life is about choices.
I am sure there are hundreds of other ways we can look at why we over or under think things. The fact is that the way to view it is if it does not hurt another person then stop thinking too much. If another person is involved then think hard before you take any steps
TaraXXX
A Tranny is never satisfied. They constantly want to challenge themselves and others. They get a real kick out of overt expression and the challenges it brings.

It is great to watch the TVs that come and go at my girlfriends dressing service Chateau Femme. The newbies are grateful just to be out, the regulars always want something new, a constant challenge. In both cases they want something different to their normal (drab?) daily life. An escape to express another side of their personality. A little bit shorter, a little tighter, showing more skin, maybe PVC or leather, going out, some interplay…the list goes on and on  They get a thrill from being taken out of their comfort zone and gain delight from nbeing different.

Young beautiful business woman with speech bubble thinking about something. Girl with glasses the European type on background of pop art style

This also applies to going out as well. I have been on jaunts with various groups on a regular basis over the years but to be honest got rather tired of the same old chat round a table in a restaurant then onto a club where the music was so deafening and I could not make good conversation, and I had to accompany the smokers outside (me being a non-smoker). I just got bored of it and myself wanted something different. This is after all a hobby that I like to push forward and develop.Not stand still, which in the heels I wear is not easy I can assure you!
It was nothing new or special, just the same old thing. I needed a challenge somewhere new to discover and show off. ABBA nights, Rocky Horror shows, Torture Garden and Drag nights. These are an extension of the ‘fun’ aspect of Tara, a further walk on the wild side, never wanting to standstill and say yep that’s it. I found myself exploring new dressing avenues such as drag, goth and rubber/PVC. I was trying new venues, new events and new situation. Just pushing the boundaries a bit at a time. I was/am the classic TV that needs to express themselves and dreads the thought that I just have to settle for the way things are. And of course it feeds the biggest sex organ of all. The mind.
How many Trannies reading this blog have worn a dress maybe 2 times then said been there done it need a new one, its a new event its a different situation I need to express myself in a different outfit, if you have the money. How many of us have T wardrobes larger than our male ones. But then again there are so many more options and don’t even talk about shoes. I said don’t talk about shoes!
I mentioned in previous blogs that I see TS’s as trying to fit in and tending to downplay their dress. TVs on the other hand like, sorry love, to show off. Sometimes within the confines of a club but also at other times in public. They seem to get a thrill out of challenging people’s perceptions, making them feel slightly awkward. They get some obtuse pleasure out of making people feel uncomfortable because they are doing something that is outside the accepted norm but it feed their ‘show off’ mentality.
I think this all stems from the original premise that so many TVs got such a buzz in the early days of doing something that was a bit naughty and that in order to continue this buzz they have to constantly have a new fix to regain that feeling. Something that continues to be a bit mischevious. This is fine as long as it doesn’t move from being odd ball to offensive. Some however do overstep the mark. This is particularly relevant in today’s society which is much more open and accepting of different lifestyles than in my early days. Yesterdays naughty is today’s norm so the Tranny has to be even more showy in order to stand out and that is maybe where it gets out of hand. Worse it dismisses other peoples sensibilities. Like the comedian who makes you feel a little awkward but then goes on to be downright rude. There are limits girls!
It starts in the early years with the basic dressing just the fact that a Tranny puts on some form of female apparel stirs feelings within, yes I know they can be classed as sexual, but I think that may be a bit misguided I think its just more sexy. It feeds a need to be interesting and exciting. From there comes makeup, shaving body hair and prosthetics. Then the urge to get out and show the world comes along. Some can do this others have a family life where the problems of being discovered would cause immeasurable damage so they stay at home..frustrated.
So the dressing service provides a very good intermediate stage. Here they can find a style that suits them and start to learn about themselves and meet others in private where they can talk to empathetic people who relate to their lifestyle. All the time the inner buzz is being sated by the demon dressing and all the time there is a desire to push it just that bit more.
What about going out on your own? What about a sexual encounter? What about a Mistress experience? Could I dress up as a maid? Should I put a video online? Maybe Adultwork? So many options just to push things just that little bit more. Some find their perfect place others continue to expand their options. I have not yet forund the end and am glad I haven’t the challenge is part of the fun.
Think of something new darling!How is this going to end? Well firstly you will try many that are dead ends, been there done it got the (tight fitting t-shirt), but not for me. Others are a rabbit hole you know you shouldn’t go down but you have to feel how far you can take it. Some of us have the sense of purpose to realise things have gone far enough others do not until they end up in a place they should never have been, but what a ride. At this point you take stock have some time off to reappraise what it has all been about. Then on you go to the next challenge. Whoopee! So it doesn’t end, however it coomes and goes in waves and sometimes you take a step back to appraise things
I have had something like that over the last few months ago. I realised because I had so much free time (semi-retired) I was trying an oddball augmented reality that was not really me. I saw that the Tranny thing was becoming far too absorbing, principally because I was a classic male who had to be occupied by something. I was buying endless amounts of shoes and clothes, spending too much time on-line looking at videos on better make up, posture and clothes. Sitting on Twitter, Facebook and the like as if it was reality. If we were gong to have a night out I needed a new outfit (despite already having so many clothes). I would plan the night 7 days in advance. I could do little on impulse as I needed the buzz of the build up in planning the outing. It was becoming time consuming and it needed a reality check.
I also saw it in others who were almost restraining themselves from turning fantasies into reality. They would talk incessantly about the next steps. A meeting with another Tranny, a strap-on, maid service, pvc and leather, bondage etc. etc. etc. They were also online all the time and it was becoming all pervasive in their lives. Its a hobby, but like the golfer who plays 5 days a week, talks golf, watches it on TV and is a constant at the Golf Club bar taking golf again it needs reining back! It was becoming more than a fun pastime for me, more an obsession.
Then one day after a serious discussion with her ladyship I took a step back and said STOP! Probably a bit like an alcoholic realising that this is having an adverse effect on their life and partner. I stepped back from public life except from an occasional outing and confined dressings to home. Slowly over the last 18 months I have got out bit by bit, but it is no longer a person who wants to push limits. It is now a Tara who has come to terms with herself. The wardrobe has reduced (size 14/16 and size 8 shoes abound at Chateau Femme for anyone visiting), I limit my visits on social media and find other interests. Anyone for…
Tara has not gone away. She still dresses in tight fitting clothes and skirts that are probably a bit too short and high heels but it is a more measured approach and the strong desire to push boundaries seems to have abated, for the moment. I no longer worry if I miss out on going out as the group Susies Angels will attest. I notice that more recently things are more balanced despite the mayhem of new girls arriving at the dressing service to push boundaries continues apace! Only time will tell where the next experience will come from so watch this space.
Tara XXX
I haven’t written much in a long time but as its now 2020 thought I would start again as a New Year tends to be filled with new resolutions that are normally forgotten by Burns Night!
I was reading one of those interminable articles about how to change your life and thought why not one for Trannies. We make resolutions to dress more or less to go out more or less to do something different or wilder. So many thoughts so little time.
One thing that did strike me during this process was that despite dressing for over 30 years now I still felt guilty about it. I come from an older generation where we were indoctrinated that what we did was morally wrong and reprehensible. So I developed my way of hiding it and doing everything in secret. Even to this day if I look anything Tranny on the web or buy something new I still feel guilty about it and rarely share what it wit others. Its so deeply ingrained from years of hiding it. And I live with a woman that runs the Chateau Femme dressing service! If I can’t do it then there are thousands of others out there who are in a similar position enjoying the fun of dressing but at the same time having the thought I am committing a disgraceful act, that is morally reprehensible to the bulk of society.

Is It Time For A Change?

Yet at my core I know this is me and that it is my mindset that has to change in the New Year. The problem is the way I approach it and the way I embrace being a Tranny. I understand why I feel guilty now I have to look at it from a different perspective.
  1. Being a Tranny is not bad its a lifestyle choice. It may not be everyone’s cup of tea but it is much more acceptable than it was 30 years ago. We live in a much more tolerant society. Yes there are still those (male and female) who are appalled by it but they are in decline or at least are forced to hide it by the new liberal Twitterati. We have however lost a lot of our identity by being bracketed with the ever growing TS members of society and this is wrong for people to understand us. If you would like to see my concerns about this read my reclaim article
  2. Its no longer as ‘bad’ to be out in public. So many cross-dressers and Trannies hide at home for fear of being discovered that they have been hiding it from their partner for so long that they dare not venture out at least once.  On the latter I am afraid there is no easy answer as I have intimated in previous blogs when it comes to trust issues with your partner from which you have hidden your other side! But on the former I would say first it is very rare that, if you are properly made up, anyone would recognise the guy behind the mask and secondly many find it interesting to talk to people like us who offer an alternative view on life from the humdrum vanilla existence. I find women in general very open to my femme side though in the main they don’t fancy a Tranny. For many men I think I bring out an element of cross-dressing that they would like to try for a bit of sexy fun with their partner. The labels dress as a male, dress as a female are being blurred just as make-up and the look of the androgynous human that pervades magazines these days
  3. A Tranny is not a pervert. Enjoying dressing is a pastime for most of us and is part of our make up. Too many in the past have tried to identify this as an aberration rather than an aspect of our personality. We are just different. Finding enjoyment in expressing our femme side is not wrong. We are allowed to look prettier than the balding, graying, boring, bloke who is confined to wearing jeans and T-shirt and talking sports. Ask others to embrace the alternative you but don’t be as blazen as far too many extremists who push things in your face be they TS’s, Vegans, Communists, Religious Zealots and the like. Let them see your loving side!
  4. Its OK to feel sexy. I know from my own personal experience I feel a sexiness running through me when dressed that I never feel in bloke mode. This applies in both the fact that I feel a little attractive and alluring (in comparison to the bloke) and there is general excitement about the look. Don’t confuse this with sexual please. My girlfriend says she sees it happening in front of her during her dressings. She can appreciate it but has never experienced it. Though she likens it to when she dressed as a teenager and the immense buzz that gave her. Its probably why so many of us dress in so called ‘inappropriate’ way as this makes us feel sexier. Some people allude to the fact that many of us dress like our ideal woman. But I think that us too simplistic its more about the buzz it gives you and how we love trying so many looks always trying to move towards some goal, whether it be losing weight, a more toned body, better makeup, better posture, walking in higher heels etc. etc. etc.
  5. If sexy makes you sexual then get on with it. All the usual moral codes apply here but at the back of most Trannies minds is a little ‘what if’ nagging away. We all have it and in my next article I will look at it. But the reality is that dressing makes us more expressive and our alter ego that normally lies dormant comes out. For some of us that is a sexual drive and a want to expand our boundaries. Sometimes this is an itch that has to be scratched. From experience I can only say that the more you think about it the more you are building it up to be something bigger than it really is. For some however they are replacing something that has been lost in their day to day life and this can be seen as a substitute for what is missing.
So back to New Year resolutions. Ditch them and ditch the guilt. Embrace the fact you are not some morally deviant freak who outrages the bulk of society. Bugger the contrition and get on with a positive attitude about you and your approach to society. Read a couple of articles on the web on how to change your mindset and get rid of the elephant in the room that is stopping you from being you and creating all the associated stress that is occupying too much of your time. Remember being a Tranny is a pastime not a full time change however it gives meaning and happiness to you and it is important that you stop the killer that is stress. If this is continuously going round and round in your brain it takes up too much of your thinking time and can cause anxiety in you and strain in your relationships.
We only have one life and believe me it is very short. XXX
I am fed up with people putting me down because I call myself a Transvestite or a Tranny which many see as a rather vulgar and demeaning word. It’s not. This in my opinion shows they lack the understanding of the words their heritage and how our TS sisters on the other side of the pond, in particular, have come to bastardise their meaning due to their own misuse of the vernacular in pursuit of a very different agenda to our own.
The dictionary defines a Transvestite as a crossdresser, someone who wears clothing from the opposite sex for psychological reasons. Then some definitions (particularly American) add the line ‘for sexual gratification’. It may be all of these it may be some but the reality is that its a catchall for trying to simplify something that is not simple, which I hope I have demonstrated in these blogs. Its wrong and lacks an understanding of where the words came from and how they have come to be used or is that abused.Angry Woman. Furious Girl. Negative Emotions. Bad Days. Bad Mood
Let us look at the history. Transvestism wasn’t really coined as a term before 1911 and the word has gone through several changes since originally being for a medical disorder, or the sexual interest in crossdressing also known as transvestic fetishism. The word crossdresser did not originate until the 1970’s but the fact that some of these people linked dressing to erotic fantasies meant that Transvestites got a bad name for themselves. Seeing a 6 foot, 90kg bloke in short leopard print dresses unable to walk in high heels and a cheap wig did not help!
As a result, particularly in the USA, calling someone a Tranny or Transvestite was used as a derogatory term. It also got messed up with all the other Trans (Transsexual, Transgender) groups where anybody with a ‘trans something’ in front of them was called a Tranny. They lumped us all together to start with. The Transgendered community in particular hated being associated with ‘dressing’ and its sexual (not gender) elements and set about degrading it for their own purposes as it was not what they were about.
On top of this the multitude of definitions in the last few years has blossomed to become so mixed up particularly with the growth of Transgender and Transsexual identities that we have been incorporated into a smaller group in which we do not belong.
Amongst all of this the Transvestite and Crossdressing activities have been relatively subsumed and deemed irrelevant to the TS’s which queers their pitch as society wakes up to this intersex debate. Transgendered people are fighting for their identity which is highly laudable but not at the expense of being downright insulting to a strand that in actual fact is a much, much bigger percentage of the population. Trannies are looking for a form of expression for their personality leave them alone.
The problem is that we Transvestites are not part of this group we don’t want to be full-time women. In fact it was the TS community that were wrongly labeled with the word Tranny which belongs to our group. Our issue is more an identity issue not a gender thing. To make matters even worse, in my experience, is that our group outings give transsexuals an early solace for them to express their identity only for us to discarded with relative venom as they realise they are different. How many times have I been told by a TS who I have nurtured but you are not a woman ‘I am’ . You are bloody right I am a Tranny and stop bastardising my definition just because it doesn’t suit you. Get your own vernacular and leave ours alone! You may have gender dysphoria but we embrace the femme side of life alongside our male side. Nicely balanced!
Basic RGBSo now let’s try to define ourselves to the world as clearly as we can. In this way we should become more acceptable and palatable to a wider consensus who currently see what we do as more of a perversion (well the over 40’s do!). I believe that for the majority of us dressing or crossdressing in whatever form releases another aspect of our personality. Yes it could have a sexual element (is that really so bad?) but the true part it allows is the release of the feminine side of our mindset as a counterbalance to a male role that we have been conditioned to be by society. Roles for us are too strict we need broader acceptance.
I am of course going to immediately argue that the definition is still to simple as so many Tv’s say to me there is more than one side to my Tranny personality and the style of dress I adopt releases a particular aspect of their persona which is hidden. Dressing is that trigger for an inner self that lies hidden. Yes I may dress in a shorter skirt today because I feel sexy. Tomorrow it will be a longer dress because I feel classy and the next day its a simple set of jeans and boots because I feel incredibly relaxed when wearing them. It’s a great switch off mechanism.
I am going to stop there and let the debate begin because this is getting into the realms of an essay for the British Psychological Journal. I want to help people understand themselves not bore them to death like a Wagner Opera! Oops now pissing off the opera buffs as well!
All I want to do is establish that being a Transvestite is a good thing for both the Tranny and those around them. They tend to be soft creatures much less outspoken and more accepting than their TS counterparts. Their time is spent in sexy contemplation of being able to release the femme aspect of their personality. They love to indulge in the fun aspects of their life that they can’t do with the lads who have a very different mindset.
So please allow us to own the words Transvestite and Tranny and don’t denigrate them to match your personal and political machinations. We Trannies need our identifying marks as well. We are the silent majority that just gets on with being ourselves. As they say you never really win an argument by being rude about others xxx
We are all at different stages in our Tranny life-cycle. This is dependent upon age, life stage, cash availability, marital status and our own acceptance as to who exactly we are. Because of the competing elements of the boy and femme side we are always in a constant state of flux as what part is dominant at any point in time. The two sides don’t make easy bedfellows (even though many would kid you that they can make it work) but some of us do manage to find a happy medium…at times!
But at a certain point in our lives we do start to ask the inevitable question of where am I going with all this? The answer is probably not very far but it has been an excellent journey of self-discovery. Getting to this stage is quite an evolutionary process that from a personal point of view (and I do mean this is only my viewpoint) I have seen as going through a series of stages of enlightenment.
When it starts in your life is irrelevant. I was 9 years old when I realise there was something at odds with what others might say, a TV friend of mine however only realised it on her 52nd birthday. What is important is that you do try to understand what stage you are at and how it might develop. But I do say thus is only my take on it. I am sure others have opinions, particularly as they develop they can suddenly realise that they are more TS than TV.
I can clearly see there have been 6 stages in my Transvestite evolution. These  are not necessarily linear, they can happen concurrently and may have huge time gaps between them:
Stage 1 – Realisation
At a certain point in your life you start to realise that there are certain things about you that are not quite ‘normal’ as defined by society at that point in time. You may become interested in items of clothing, a particular type of woman a certain style that you quite admire or you just purely want to be experimental. You initially don’t understand or for that matter care but you develop a fascination in certain aspects of the woman.shutterstock_780747442
I remember as a 9-year-old going to a local theatre for the Pantomime and on going backstage I realised I had become infatuated with the pair of tights the Genie had been wearing. So much so that I persuaded my grandmother to make me a pair which I wore constantly below my trousers. They in turn were linked to my first erections and I had my first orgasm whilst wearing them. I knew this was not normal for a person of my age and as always kept my guilty secret to myself.
But the seed had been set and to this day nylon hosiery still gives me a big rush…pervert!
Stage 2 – Stirrings
From the initial rush of the new-found interest you start to experiment as you enjoy the whole range of things you can do. You add more clothes and maybe a little makeup, you might develop fetishistic tendencies for knickers, skirts, tights, heels and other items of clothing. You don’t see yourself as a Tranny yet. Instead you just see it as a phase you are going through that leads to more experimentation but you think you will eventually grow out of it.
I remember in my teenage years I would spend many hours locked in the family bathroom taking ‘long baths’ whilst actually putting on my mother’s and sister’s underwear from the laundry basket in order to satisfy a need I did not understand, to dress.
For me this is very much the crossbreeding stage where the clothes or items of clothing are a very important drive principally linked to some sexual element. The drive that makes you feel horny when dressed is mixed up with the fun of dressing and on top of that its quite naughty as well!
Many people never really leave this stage as they see this as basically a sexual release and fantasy that they can enjoy from time to time. At this stage they rarely venture onto the true femme side instead they just get some great thrills as a man wearing women’s clothing for sexual release
Stage 3 – Dressing
For so many of us however there comes a point where we decide that we want to dress as completely as we possibly can as a woman. For us it seems a logical extension of what has gone before. There is some innate drive to do it which needs to be sated. This may happen little by little, at home first a bit of lipstick then some eyeshadow later some foundation, some breasts etc. etc. etc. For others they just have to go all the way as quickly as possible.
makeman1In my case it was just a point in time when I wanted to experiment with this side. I was in my early 30’s but in those days dressing services were not as prevalent as they are today. Transformation shops were the rip-off centre of the universe before the advent of the internet but they offered a fairly unique service and helped a lot of people along the way. In my case it was a kind private house where a very caring woman who took the time to understand my request for ‘looking for something different’ and said she was going to dress me up. And that was that! Something inside me instinctively knew. That light bulb moment where things kind of fall into  place but it took a further 20 years for me to accept it!
What I did not appreciate at the time was that dressing was bringing out a side of my personality that was completely hidden in the macho, rugby playing, beer drinking, womanising, party animal, stronger alpha male society that I lived in, and enjoyed, but there was also a lot missing.
Stage 4 – Getting Out
I don’t care what anybody says, sitting at home fully dressed admiring yourself in the mirror eventually becomes boring. ‘The Girl’ has to get out and get some form of approbation from the public at large for the person they are. They need someone to say you look fantastic even if they don’t. I always got the classic “wow what great legs you have” which means “shame about the rest’  but as I progressed so they said nice wig and eventually fantastic shoes! But I was out and about at last and that was what I wanted.
Going out doesn’t have to be to standard ‘vanilla’ venues. In fact for most their first confidence building excursion is normally to a ‘T’ event. But if it goes well as my first outing, to the now defunct Philbeach, then it is a huge stepping stone and its doubtful it will stop there. Once out most want more of the exposure drug of exposing themselves. Its exciting and a little bit naughty as well as you defy normal convention.
The fact is you need to be seen. my partner Susie at Chateau Femme sees it all the time. She dresses girls a couple of times and then sees in their eyes they just need to show off, but the thought of being caught tends to keep the majority of them firmly in the shadows. It’s some inner drive that says I have put a lot of effort and a lot of risk into this and I need some people to appreciate what I have done and I get a real kick from letting others share my femme side.
I believe it is at this point where you genuinely move away from the Crossdresser and the true Transvestite comes into play. Here you are letting society see that this is a genuine part of you that can no longer be hidden in a back bedroom. The girl is out!
Stage 5 – Exploring The Dark Side
Once you are out you are now moving into the discovery zone where emotions, sexuality and exploration become very confused. Yes you think you are mature in Tranny terms because you have the guts to go out, you are fully dressed, semi-passable and can walk in heels…well almost!  But just like a 16/17 year old girl who thinks they are a woman the big wild, wild  world awaits you and there are so many experiences you have to have.
I have talked about elements of being sexy, sexuality, fetishism, kink and experimentation in other blogs so i will no go into any depths. But suffice to say there are now avenues of experimentation that you are either interested in or purely feel you have to try as part of your right of passage into Trannydom.BDSM-SHEMALE-MISTRESS
So many of these routes are dead ends as you try something just to see what it is like but you soon realise this is really not you. Simple things like you think you look stunning in that really, really short skirt and get a real sexy kick out of it until you realise when you look objectively at a photo you look like a laughing-stock, unless that is your intention. Most TV’s play with their sexuality at all times and most want to try a sexual experience with a man or other TV just to try it out. Some enjoy this but the majority just say not for me and put it down to experience. Others try BDSM, maid/sissy, fetish events, Louboutin shoes, 40s clothing, secretary, doll masks, carpet slippers, others want to give birth! These things tend to be a set of fetishistic elements that will eventually combine together to make up your Tranny persona. The girl is starting to come of age but just because you love something does not mean others do.
Stage 6 – Into The Light
OK you have experimented you have found things you love and things you don’t like. You are starting to understand your femme side, what drives it and why you are the way you are. At this stage you know what floats your boat and now you start to move down those paths. You now understand what you want to make of yourself and grow and expand these aspects in so many areas.
I have a several friends who just like to shock mildly in the knowledge that they are drawing attention to themselves. They get a kick out of going to good quality restaurants and being seen as a Tranny. They make great efforts to slightly overdress and get so many compliments it makes them want more. Their buzz is being looked at. Some got to the Ritz other go to Bethnal Green working mens club! Each has its own merits in relation to getting attention.
Another TV friend who adores going out now wants to travel en femme and then have a whole holiday as the girl side and then some as they push the envelope more and more in girl mode.
Other girls I know have a bucket list of things that they want to do over the coming months/years and are just prioritising it. Each year new things appear and are ticked off as they look for a more and more exhilarating experiences.
For many this whole rush happens in later life and it stops them from becoming the little grey man in the corner lacking identity and feeling invisible.
But then suddenly we get to a point where most of the list has been ticked off, the restaurants have been visited, the events attended and the challenges have become fewer. We then start to ask ourselves ‘where am I going with this? I have tried to answer the other part of the question that happens concurrently of ‘why am I like this’ (which I hope I have answered in previous blogs) but the question also arises where now?
It’s atypical of our male side. We get to a certain point in our lives and ask what exactly will be my contribution to society or how can I leave at least some mark on the world that I might be remembered for in future generations rather than just being another statistic. This is a philosophical question that fills far too many books. From my perspective I think if you arrive at this juncture you should sit back and enjoy the sense of achievement as to journey you have come on as well as the pure fun and relaxation that the whole Trannying lifestyle offers and not try to force it.
Stage 6 – Acceptance
So we get to this final crucial point where you have to look at things and accept them for what they are and get on with enjoying them whilst you have breath in your body. It’s a place that some may never get to as they have to deal with all the turmoil of the society, family and commitments they have. They must pursue this whole ‘thing’ behind other people’s backs living a partial lie to ensure others have a better life.
Some, if they can get over some of the guilt of the sacrifices they have made, do arrive at this Nirvana and we accept that we are a Tranny and all that goes with it. Eschewing societies need to normalise us to ‘standard male type 1’ in favour of their own prognosis of what they want.
1717110207Being a Transvestite makes us feel alive and sexy. I personally think it keeps our minds much more alert having to deal with two personalities in one head. It’s a part of you that you dip into from time to time , but you also have respect for the boy side as well. You know a balance has to be achieved. Being in girl mode allows you an intense form of relaxation, almost mindfulness. It allows you to live for a short period of time in the moment free from the shackles of a society that wants to drag you back to the humdrum. It allows you freedom to indulge in activities that you see fit your life  or particular aspects of it. It’s not going to change the world and nor are you. Instead it is going to be an incredible release for you great peace of mind and sanity!
However please do not force your perspective on others. Each of us has our own view on life. You don’t like others telling you how to behave and the reverse also applies. I personally hate watching vulgar Trannies dumping all their crap onto good honest people just because they may have become frustrated at how much they have bottled up inside them over the years. They do not want to hear a boring Tranny monologue. Learn to live alongside one another.
So enjoy the journey it is such a fun learning experience to understand yourself and to realise you are not that one-dimensional politically correct numskull that todays civilisation wants you to be.
Instead you are just plain mad! XXX
Don’t we all love how our femme side allows us to explore the nature of our own personality and sexuality. However it can also be used by us as an excuse for doing things that in male mode we would probably never venture into because we can at the end of it all blame whatever we did on the ‘girl’ and not on ourselves.
Any regular readers of this blog will know that I get a real kick I get out of the whole switch in my personality and mindset when I get into my femme mode. It releases the hidden altered freak within. In many ways it takes off the blinkers that constrain my male side making me a much more complete person. Most important of all of these it makes me feel totally relaxed sexy and very alive giving me an internal buzz that is very, very hard to describe to those that have never experienced it. You don’t know what you are missing!

This ‘mindfuck’ (as the Americans put it) can lead you down some very interesting routes as the shackles are off and you know this is only a temporary ‘experimental’ phase you are going through. It does however lead to certain speculative ventures as you try to understand and define what you are about. If like me you have tried some routes that are out and out dead ends others you come to understand are your triggers. However at the end we tend to blame the dead ends on the ‘girl’ not ourselves.

Vase+Face+Illusion

Who Is Messing With Your Mind

You dress in a provocative manner saying its just her showing off or just trying to get attention. You go to a gay club or a BDSM club you would never have visited as a man because ‘she’ allows you to do so. You go camming online because the girl just has to show off. You fancy trying sex with a man or another TV. You want to take drugs and ‘let go’. You want to put yourself in a potentially harmful situation. You want to shock people.  etc. etc. etc. These all happen behind the veil of being a TV which theoretically is not really you. The mind plays tricks all the time!
In boy mode we have inhibitions that serve as a buffer against what we consider is wrong or bad. However if these can be excused by blaming someone else for the actions in some ways this give you an opportunity for alternative fun. Blame is not an act itself but it either erodes or outright removes these inhibitions. It develops a thought pattern that allows the persons emotions to override his self control in order to achieve an often selfish end.
My girlfriend knows that all too well because I always like to put certain things into boxes, some things for him some things for her. When in Tara mode I like to act and play in a completely different way than when I am the boy. This can cover the way I dress, the way we have sex and the way I act in public. The boundaries change and sometimes the wrong actions can result. She sees it all the time when people come to her dressing service Chateau Femme. Their girl side can be 40’s Retro, Tarty, Secretarial, Bridal, Sissy, Maid, Fetish whatever but each has a strong need to let this side out. But afterwards, when they return to male mode, many have a strong sense of guilt for enjoying a pleasure that they are not meant to enjoy and are rarely allowed. That’s where blaming the girl overrides the guilt.
Blame2

Its All About Me

Trannies are notoriously self-centred and narcissistic. They can use the girl to excuse any kind of behaviour. Because somehow she is telling you what to do, its her fault not mine. You start by saying well if I can’t get it here then I will try there or the mindset says I would like to try that, its only the girl speaking. How many of us talk about him or her when talking to friends? We love the separation of sexy from ordinary. You then go off and do whatever it may be saying “well I can get away with that because its the girl its not me’. But the reality is that if you are doing it behind anyone’s back its downright wrong and it is you. If you are single its fine but if you are in a relationship then there is no excuse!  Took me 20 years to realise that!  We have to start to accept the consequences of the ‘girl’s’ activities as well.

Fine if you enjoy doing it but as I have said so many times in the past you will get caught eventually, unless the whole thrill of probably being caught gets you off! And perhaps for a large number of us that is part of the excitement . As biological males we are inherent risk takers and the whole thrill of doing things that are illicit turns us on. Getting away with it probably is part of the thrill only when you are caught do you then blame it on the girl! Wrong!
Even to this day with these blogs, and a very understanding partner, I am still inherently conditioned to think that what I do is wrong, though the drive of the exciting nature of it is too strong to stop. Society tells us its wrong but our mindset says I have to do it. They are in constant battle.

I used to think that if being a Tranny was not ‘The Last Taboo’ and everybody accepted it

LBD

Just My LBD

then the want to dress would not be so much fun. It wouldn’t be so naughty. But I know now that is not the case. I have come to terms with what I am, what I like and what I should not do (regardless of whether I might want to). There is within all of us the inherent need to release the femme side (and all its concomitant circumstances) for a short period of time before returning to the male side for even more fun. But surely hurting others is not one part of the thrill.

Happy New Year XXX
Most of us love to get out, particularly in the fun Christmas season. However if like me you feel you would like to look as feminine as possible there are some simple things that I think you should be aware of about how you ‘show’ yourself to the world. These are my top 10 tips that I think will make you a better Tranny and less of a male crossdresser.
  1. Posture – more than anything else I see with Trannies is their round-shouldered posture that makes them look like a gorilla in a dress. I know it because I do it….occasionally! For God’s sake girl sit up and stand up straight. It’s not only a dead giveaway but also such an ugly pose. Yes you probably stand up straight in front of the mirror but in general men tend to loll our heads forward and put our shoulders back. It looks bad but also makes your hair flop in front of your face and you are permanently sweeping it back. shutterstock_111420299If you are standing up straight your hair will naturally fall backwards. When you think you are genuinely standing straight the way you normally do (not for the mirror) look at yourself front on then turn to the right and look how your posture is. I guarantee if you maintain your stance your shoulders are rounded and slumped forward, your neck is tilted forward so your chin is over the centre of your chest, your bum is sticking out as a counterbalance and your legs are too far apart to help your stance. Bad posture also causes back pain so try a Yoga or a Pilates class to help.
  2. Limpwristing – its classic Tranny and I have to say I suffer from it as well. Put on a dress and suddenly your arms come up into a doggy begging position and you wrists bend and go limp and you start pontificating to the world with your far too feeble hand gestures as if you are trying to waft away some smoke. literal-limp-wrist-1024x576.jpgYes women do have more relaxed shoulders and wrists but many of us overdo it which some find more gay than femme. so straighten up a bit and put you arms around your waist or sides. There is a world of difference between female movements and the more effeminate gestures many of us Trannies interpret as ‘womenlike’.
  3. Walking – men walk using their shoulders women walk with their hips.This is because women have a lower centre of gravity and wider hips which causes the swaying motion we have to exaggerate. The net result is their style of walking is a giveaway. Men tend to take larger strides and walk with their legs farther apart because they have bigger chests and shoulders hence have a higher centre. This results in more side to side movement, which may be why men are more prone to move their arms and shoulders when they walk than women. Add heels into the equation and you find this exaggerates this movement even further. 1432114789-tumblr_mvndx0czxx1s82pzao1_400Add bad posture and you see a hunched gorilla gambolling down the street looking like a member of the Peaky Blinders is very unladylike that is not only ugly but a complete giveaway to your Tranny status. Wikkihow has a great page on how to walk in high heels. There are also plenty of You Tube videos. But most of all get a pair of shoes you can walk in not just pose in front of the mirror for your own self-gratification and practice, practice, practice for more than 5 minutes. If yo go out you are going to be on your feet for a long time.
  4. Sitting – it may be great as a bloke to sit with your legs apart and slouch backwards scratching between your legs but that ain’t going to work in girl mode. You may not care about how you appear in public but for the bulk of us there are certain things that are our rite of passage and learning to sit properly is one of them. xkgety6i56967fe7d816d039458452It shows you off well and allows those around you to feel more comfortable that the one-eyed sea serpent or its two hairy gooseberries won’t suddenly be appearing in the gap between you open legs. This simple link from Wikkihow should again help and by golly there is lots to learn
  5. Shape – now I know women like men can be a little on the large side but their distribution of fat is different to those of men. We tend to have larger chests and smaller hips. The net  result is that with the addition of breasts women have much curvier figures than we do. There is nothing worse than seeing a Tranny with a beer belly protruding from her tight fitting dress and a huge bulge in the middle of her groin.aa23546505cf3b0ab3e6245382cdb2c3
    I appreciate that if you are just a crossdresser this does not matter but if ‘en femme’ is your goal then some shapewear is necessary. Wearing breast forms was an oddity for me because they weren’t ‘natural’, but I loved looking at a female shape in the mirror so they have become the norm as part of my dressing habit. Its part of the uniform serving little practical use but just a great part of letting the girl  shape out. One of my friends listed all of their extras they added on to create the girl. The were wig, eyelashes, brow-lifter,  posture support, breast forms and bra, waist cincher, shaping slip, gaff panties, false nails butt pads shaping tights . What we suffer for our art.
    Now I know this is excessive but I have always maintained creating the girl is an art form and we all have to do it to some degree unless you really do not care what you look like or what people think. Remember the first rule of Trannying is not to offend anyone’s sensibilities.
  6. Hygiene – boys smell more than girls so for Gods sake wash and spray. Sorry its a fact so please check your personal hygiene. Wearing extra layers of clothes lashings of makeup and wigs will make you sweat a little more so check your antiperspirant is on strong. Nobody will tell you that you smell they will just avoid you. But if that’s what you want then bring on the compost heap. Oh and whilst we are here Trannies with beards or stubble is a very, very small niche for the Eurovision Song Contest that very few fancy so as a rule of thumb keep it very smooth and learn to cover it up. Same applies to legs arms and particularly the back.
  7. Make Up – part of being the inner woman is hiding masculinity and a major part of that is cosmetic as our faces have so many differences. Make an effort please to understand the basics. So you either have to get someone to put on the slap for you (I of course recommend a dressing service such as Chateau Femme) where a makeup and go should cost you between £35-£50 or you have to learn to do it yourself. The basics of foundation, eyes and lips are essential and I would recommend the following YouTube videos  1 2 3 as a starter but there are loads more.
    After then its over to you how this progresses, you may even want to go further into Drag but that is your prerogative.  If you don’t want to be the shrinking violet in the corner then an element of ‘passability’ (new Tranny word) is essential. But remember one of the big Tranny giveaways is also wearing too much make up caked on in many layers to try to disguise that dark beard. Get the balance right.
  8. Wigs – I am sorry but this is probably the most essential piece of kit. As I have said in previous posts it is THE thing that completes the look. Invest in one that suits your face the following article gives you some ideas on wigs. Wash and care for them regularly as they can h
    Top-Bad-Pictures-Of-Celebrity-Womens-Wigside any myriad of smalls and ideally get a tame hairdresser to cut and style them to your face.Think about how your face fits particular styles not that you want to look like that size zero model on the catwalk.
    Take a look at this You Tube video and this reference from eBay. as starters and be honest with yourself as to your face shape. There are also plenty of wig shops around who have seen every style and type of person coming through and are only too happy to organise a private consultation with you. Remember we are not all flaxen-haired blonde bimbos and that you will be surprised what other colours and lengths really do suit you
  9. Accessories – OK these are peripheral but they send out important signals, they break up lines and can disguise certain features. Be careful not to go too over the top unless you want to stand out as some kind of Diva Drag Queen. Necklaces can hide long necks and a bit of your adams apple, rings and bracelets break up long arms and hands. Belts are effective disguising your midriff and making hips. Scarves can hide a myriad of flaws as well as being a very decorative addition to that black dress that many of us prefer to wear. I always consider that it’s the accessories that turn the basic dressing into an art form and creates that subtle stand out girl.
  10. Smile – I know its crazy to say this but so many Trannies do not smile. A smile is always a great weapon to disarm others. But smiling makes everyone (well almost) much happier in any situation. Too many of us are focused on what we are trying to do or achieve that we forget the moment and the fun we are having. So we forget to smile at others around us. If you are seen to be a happy person others will be naturally drawn to talking to you. A scowl will scare them off. No smilingchimpface like thunder will ever win the popularity stakes. A smile if you can do it also looks so much better in pictures. And we all love some pictures and some appreciation from others as to how much we have put into the evening.
Finally there I think there are things to forget about because they look stupid if you try to change them. They are the sound of your voice, the size of your hands, your adams apple, your nose (though a bit of contouring might help) you large feet, These are a fact that cannot be helped and trying to disguise them rally works and tends to look odd. Even if you are 6’6” and you want to wear those wonderful 5″ heels go for it you already stand out and these will make little difference. But it will make you look and feel a hell of a lot sexier.
Now get up and go for it girl and have a Merry Christmas xx
PS here is my favourite Christmas song on You Tube

 

This is one of those blogs where I lose a few friends!
How many of my Transvestite friends say that they would love to find a GG (Genuine Girl) that they could go out with who would take some time to understand them because as a T-girl they can offer so much more than the boring old grey man. However in so many cases this just does not happen. Bringing a third personality into a relationship does not work for all and causes interminable discussions between the parties as to limits and expectations.

Party TV1

Be Inclusive

It’s an eternal question we all ask and I have discussed at length in other posts. However it was very interesting for me to experience the ‘Group’ mentality of Trannies a few weeks ago on a Tranny holiday.
On this trip everybody else was dressed but me. For reasons I won’t go into just to say I really was not in the mood to dress at that point in time. As a result I was able to be the observer rather than the participant. It allowed me to view the group from a subtle distance and with some objectivity… girls this may cause a little hurt but it’s for the benefit of all! Am I now a Tranologist?
Of course the first thing that struck me which is normal for anyone meeting a Tranny for the first time was the eternal me, me, me of the T-girl. But that’s normal and I knew that already. We all see it when we go out. One’s focus is almost always on oneself as this is a fleeting moment of escape from your normal ‘vanilla’ existence into the inner femme. Your rare chance for the world to see the other part of you and your need for admiration of what you are really like. And by God you are going to make the most of it in the short time you have!
But that is obvious to everyone. There is nothing new here. Cameras out selfies taken, gotta post immediately on social media , constant mirror checking, excessive behaviour beyond the norm etc etc etc. We all understand this, perhaps not to the newbies who are desperate to tell the world what they feel and find out more about themselves through the medium of a group of understanding friends.
However one of the biggest things I encountered was that even a small group can be quite exclusive, but not elitist. And I mean that in the sense of the us and them not the, wow how good are we, connotation. Despite them all recognising me as being a tranny and accepting that I was in male mode it was clear that I was not one of them. Also I did not feel one of them in my own mindset either. This was genuinely not intentional on my part but it allowed me to observe them from a completely different perspective when I was not in the realm of being a TV. I felt distant either because I was not getting the buzz they got  or because I couldn’t contribute. But it was noticeable that outsiders could view this as being a very exclusive set with a closed agenda and membership. Its not intentional but there is a commonality that binds the group that excludes others.
Party TV 2

Partying Is For All Not A Few

It’s just like a bunch of rugby boys getting together in a bar and talking line breaks and scrummaging. If you have little knowledge of what goes on then you can only contribute in small amounts but when the conversation gets into full swing you feel sidelined. The same applies to ‘girls nights’. They are not deliberately pushing you out just excluding you by default. Even their best efforts to include you really amount to little as they are so focused on enjoying their own femme time. They will return to your boy mode tomorrow. You alternatively are just not in the game.

Now a few groups who are exclusive in this nature are downright rude and ‘the not one of us’ syndrome cuts in. I have particularly experienced this when Trannies and TS’s come into close contact especially when the TS went out first with a TV group.
I have always hated the fact that in our group we have nurtured the TS feelings of some only to be blanked by them as soon as they decide to go the whole TS route. Rejecting friends on the basis that they are not ‘real’! The Transvestite on the other hand tends not to be so aggressive. By their nature they are letting out a softer person, but when dressed they still see it as their time and their discussion. They don’t tell others not to join the group (as many TS’s I have encountered have done to me) but they can do it in subtle ways that naturally exclude others without knowing they are doing it.
Two types in particular are the Trannybore who gives this constant monologue about themselves and how the dress how they feel what the do yawn yawn yawn. Then there is the Tranny Shocker who gets a kick out of mildly vulgar displays of themselves to other Trannies and the general public who are in turn mildly revolted because, if a woman did that in public she would be regarded as somewhat of a slut! Both of these types offend others in one way or another and create barriers to the group for outsiders. Because the group tolerates them they think they are fine, but this is not the case.
This whole episode got me looking back at recent events that I had attended whilst dressed. I suddenly realised that on so many occasions people who were either not dressed or Genuine Girls (GG’s) were initially welcomed to the group for a few minutes only to be excluded within half an hour. A GG who is a regular attendee at our group politely told me the other day that it was probably time to go because the conversation had become dominated by makeup and shoes to the exclusion of any interest in her. It is ironic given that two of the ‘girls’ fancied her but made no real effort to bring her into the fold by actually asking questions about her instead they wanted to tell her about themselves. They expect her to chat them up! Bizarre!
I appreciate that when dressed we are so introspective because we get so little time to be ‘ourselves’ but when TV’s say I can’t find a girlfriend I now say no wonder why. You make no effort to talk to them as you are so self-interested. Because you have nobody else to talk to this all comes out when you should be spending time chatting her up!
The best place to meet a real girlfriend is when you are dressed not through some dating site (unless you state up front you are a TV). The Rubicon and barrier of your  femme of activities will have been exposed immediately and you can move onto the relationship part quicker than if you have to say Hi I am a boy who likes to dress as a girl after a couple of weeks of going out!
If you want a girl who quite likes Trannies why the bloody hell do you suddenly stop chatting them up and instead describe your femme side in intimate detail that is so so dull to listen to. If that is in truth what you really want.
One of our group has realised this. She started to try to date GG’s but soon realised that her Femme alter ego was taking up so much time that having a girlfriend who actually liked the Femme side would be too much effort and might even put a block on her fun. She felt that it would be too much to keep the girlfriend happy with both of her personalities vying for supremacy. She feels she has a rite of passage to go through before she enters the dating market again. At the moment her head is too full of Trannying to think straight about the relationship element and it would take up too much of her girly time. Good for her finally some objectivity, which of course is sadly lacking in the vast majority of the Tranny community!

Party TV 3

You Never Know Who Might Float Your Boat

 I have started to recognise patterns emerging where people (non Tranny) tend to float in and out of the group seeing a ‘chance’ but never really connect. People would join us but when the conversations came to me, me, me, they would switch off and move on to other places. Many Trannies I meet want to have a real girlfriend but when it comes to the hard graft of chatting them up all they bloody well want to do is talk about themselves.    (I have intentionally repeated this to try to drive the message home girls). Woe betide the GG who asks the question how are you and 45 minutes later says oh that’s really interesting before making her excuses to leave or taking strychnine to excuse herself from the conversation. Yep girls to the outsider although initially you can appear interesting and alluring  the reality is that you can be very very boring.
So be careful its fine doing things ‘en groupe’ and get caught up with that mentality but you will by default exclude the outsiders. For your group to be more inclusive you have to change the subject away from hair makeup, heels and hose. Particularly with real girls you have the opportunity to ask them what they think. You suddenly will have a partner you can go shopping with for both (remember both) of you. She has a new girlfriend with whom she can share things but only if you learn to speak girl and not Tranny.
And now I will rejoin my group who will regard me with suspicion from now on XXX
In my experiences in Transvestism, and with my partner Susie’s dressing service Chateau Femme I have seen many, many types of Trannies who have such a disparate variety of wants and peccadilloes that I have always maintained  each one is unique.This means that whilst we may have some common traits rarely can one TV totally identify with another’s likes and wants.
This being said I have found that these needs and wants tend to fall into 6 broad categories. OK we can identify ourselves in several categories but I believe one is dominant. By identifying them I hope to show those that continuously question themselves about why they are like they are they are not alone. img_4247

I would however also put the rider that these are not mutually exclusive rather they are the most common things that move us towards Transvestism. Also I consider that priorities change as we move from closet to the club and eventually to the big wide vanilla world and we ‘overcome’ early urges in favour of more solid loves!

  1. The Copers – are people who are going through a particular life changing moment especially in relationships. For them times are stressful and there is a need for some form of escape or just the peace of mind that Transvestism affords them. We gain both focus and relief. This is particularly true for men who are meant to be the ‘rock’ of the house and should not show their feelings and concerns.They however need an outlet for this stress, something to hang onto or a place to go when things get tough that brings an element of security. I particularly see it in middle aged men whose longer-term  relationship has plateaued or is in decline. One thing being a Tranny does is that it allows them to live in the present, a form of mindfulness with a kinky edge. It allows them to switch off into an alter ego. No past concerns or future worries just a place to ‘be’ in the moment. This transformational process gives the mind a rest in one area whilst opening up other possibilities that lie dormant or suppressed due to the stress of day-to-day living  which has taken over their lives. Most of this type do not know where this ‘femme’ side is taking them they do know however the power of its release.
  2. The Sexpots– these are the ones who, when dressed, feel an incredible sexual rush from their new persona. No longer that grey man in the corner now a much more liberated person emerges. It opens up completely new horizons for their sexual exploits that might be taboo in male mode. This leads the man to new twists and turns as they play with their gender and sexuality. Interesting dark places emerge and it releases a sexual libido that is normally hidden in day to day life. When they are in the early flings of a new boy on girl relationship these TV’s will probably let the Tranny side drift but as things progress and they might not be getting the ‘fun’ they would like from the relationship they start to reignite their girly side again. This situation also arises when they are between relationships and not getting the sexual experience they normally enjoy. For others who have quite a strong sex drive this is an outlet from their marital relationship which may have become a little stale . They can venture to the naughty side and effectively have flings in a variety of ways. They almost seem to switch off their whole relationship for the fun of a brief encounter. It opens up their sexual horizons and allows them to indulge in taboos that their boy side says is not on. How many have I talked to who say that in boy mode they would never do anything with another man but in girl mode this opens up completely new and different horizons. Its a fun and playful interlude that completes their sexuality.
  3. The Shockers – there are girls who get a kick from dressing and then exposing
    themselves (dressed of course) to the vanilla world. No longer do LBGT clubs do it for them their target is the not so accepting world. A world where being a Transvestite is still the last taboo to be frowned on. They get a rush from challenging people’s perspectives but also continuously pushing their own boundaries. They adore being noticed and love attention. They are thrill seekers pushing their own fears for excitement and relish the chance to show themselves off. img_4252Their first nigh at a restaurant, their first night at a club, their fist journey on a train, their first trip abroad, a day shopping en femme etc etc etc. Ideally each one has to be a new experience  a new ‘drug’ to feed off . They constantly get a buzz from being out there, a simple night in a restaurant will not suffice. They want that little shorter skirt or that adapted goth look or that PVC/Rubber outfit that causes a stir. They want to challenge themselves and the people around them. After a while when they have pushed as far at they can things settle into a more regular rhythm. I was talking to a TV the other day who said she started going to Gay clubs then to restaurants and so on until one night she challenged herself to go alone into a working men’s club in a really rough part of London in a very short dress. Here she thought she would be shocking to be seen. Unfortunately they were the most accepting of all the places and she decided that this route had come to an end. But where does it stop and how far can you push your own boundaries?
  4. The Mirror Queen – these are people who are so transfixed with their own reflection in the mirror that they start to withdraw into a world of their femme self. They need attention admiration, adulation and acceptance. But most of all they adore themselves. In conversation they talk incessantly about themselves and how they feel to the exclusion of all others. It is always turned onto them. They don’t care if they are hogging the conversation, if it drifts away from them they go to the loo to adjust their look just to check how good are and rejoin to dominate it again!. These girls tend to be very creative in their look, however the search for what they perceive is perfection can be limiting as they can’t find the next fantastic look! Yes they do tend to fall in love with themselves  and are incredibly narcissistic but they are fixated on perfecting their look. Its both a challenge and an art form to them. Theygirlinmirror adjust their hair and makeup at every opportunity.  They are the first to want to change their outfit 10 times in an evening and are always asking if they look good if you haven’t noticed. Styles combinations and perfection are their drivers. They have to get the look right just to please themselves which of course in the end leads to a very lonely insular life, but its what they want.
  5. The Almost TS’s – theses are the borderline girls who find true identity in their whole femininity. Their identity in day-to-day life appears drab and unrecognised by the public at large. Put on a wig and a dress and people compliment them, love their look and enjoy their company. These are the ones who still hold onto their male side but the Tranny side is slowly starting to merge and they are becoming some kind of Androgen between the two sexes. Their actions are becoming more fay, they dress in girly jeans. knickers and jackets, they sleep in a nightdress and some take mild hormones. Most clearly separate the ‘Man’ side occasionally giving him a totally different identity when they talk about ‘him’! They now buy girly clothes in a ratio of 3:1 to the man. A lot of the male pastimes have been driven into second place . The golf club, the football supporter, the pub goer or the car driver have become suppressed by a stronger drive that gives them identity. They don’t feel like a woman, they never have. Their core genetic code is male, however as they age and the testosterone levels reduce the more feminine side emerges. They get a much stronger feeling of belonging from their Femme persona and enjoy the more relaxed way in which they can engage with others.img_4663
  6. The Occasionals – this is the dump or default Transvestite. They have been through the TV wringer for a long time. They have found a balance between boy and femme times. The urge to dress comes and goes but when it strikes the girl just has to come out and play. This is an inner urge that is always laying in wait and they accept it will never leave them. For these people its a need, as opposed to a want, that has to be sated for a short period of time, but say to them that they can have a week dressed and they will be horrified. They have strong ‘blokey’ tendencies but to balance this life the girl in whatever form has to come out from time to time. This can be a night at home or a night out. Of all the TV’s they are the least likely to need appreciation and admiration, the will take the least pictures of themselves and just enjoy the fun of the moment without dominating the conversation. They are very self-indulgent and love their short period of time to themselves, particularly in front of the make-up mirror as they change their mindset, but after that who cares its just great escapism for a few fleeting moments to be repeated at some point in the future when the urge re-emerges.
Now I fully appreciate that we all  have elements of each of these but one category tends to dominate. I can take certain situations and identify many of these traits. It’s not meant as a panacea for all your worries just to highlight that there are many tendencies within us. First of all we have to stop feeling guilty about these elements just because society tells you that it just is not done. Instead embrace the things you enjoy, but don’t let it get too out of control.
I am sure that many of you must have a view on theses traits and want to add ones that you recognise  in others so please, please do offer some more comments to help me adapt this blog over time. img_4640
The one set of people I would remove from all these categories are the closet dressers, who are probably the biggest group of all Trannies. Most of us have come from this group at one time or another. The problem is that when it’s hidden we do not get the chance to truly identify which of these categories we fall into. Too much of the time is spent in short hits of being a Transvestite or more particularly a crossdresser who hasn’t got the time to dress completely in that furtive few moments when the house is theirs. We never quite make that mindset shift from Crossdresser to Transvestite because we are always worried about that key in the door!
These people  have such a complex mix of bottled up emotions that helps them cope with life’s ups and downs. It initially gives them a real sexual buzz, it is a naughty thing that would shock others if discovered but is just a quick release that is short lived.They live in that weird panic of enjoying something that at the same time, if discovered, would bring their world down around them. They have no time to find out what really drives them they just know they have to do it and get on with those fleeting fun moments that are sadly on their own. Their time will come but first they have to sort out their life.
For the rest of us lucky ones who are out and not worried about discovery it’s time for our own self-discovery XXX
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