Archive for August, 2013

People often ask me why are you a TV, or how did you become one? The answer is extremely difficult for most of us to answer and I am no different. Nobody said this is what you should do they said this is what you shouldn’t do. It’s something that is quite deep within you and hidden. It that has to be let out of the box every so often.  In my case it is something I hide behind that allows me to indulge in certain fetishistic practices that I cannot, no that’s wrong do not want to enjoy as a normal man. My first ever memories are of being fascinated seeing a pair of tights (15 denier) worn by a genie in a Pantomime. My Grandmother sewed 2 pairs of stockings together for me and I was hooked.


From then on this became a source of sexual fantasy. However it remained dormant fantasy for many years until it was reawakened in my thirties.


Let me firstly give you an idea of what I mean by my type of Transvestite (TV), because there is a vast continuum that is the Trans community. From the person who has a fetish for a particular piece of women’s clothing to a Transsexual who has had all the operations and lives fully as a woman, you have an astonishing variety of people. I believe a TV is a person who dresses in female attire to be as convincing as possible. So this includes all the aspects However where this differs from a Transsexual is that this is only a temporary act indulged in for their own personal gratification of exploring another identity.

So the next question is what type of TV are you? This is easier now I am much more mature in years and as I have experimented along the continuum that is the gender play umbrella. Note by the way I do not use the word trans-gender as I see this as a word used for people who genuinely want to manifest some core aspect of female identity, which I do not. I identify myself as a fetishistic TV. someone who obtains certain excitement from dressing and the play associated with this activity. When the excitement and thrill subsides I am sure the desire to dress will decline as well. Though I have met so many TV’s in their 70’s wher the drive is still there, so there is plenty to come!

The first time I really started to get into and accept my alter ego Tara was following a visit to a mistress when I was in my early thirties. Straight sex was fun but there was something niggling away inside of me that wanted more. I said to her that ‘I was looking for something different’. Not exactly original! However I am grateful that she sat me down and asked me many questions about my sexuality. She persevered and took the time to discover some things about me that lay hidden. She suggested a transformation and I rewarded her with 10 years of devoted service as her TV subby.

For me transforming myself into an idealised female persona is hobby. As I dress myself, put on make-up, heels and wigs I feel my demeanor alter, may actions become lighter less direct, I can genuinely feel another person emerging as  my mindset changes. The Americans call it a ‘Mind Fuck’ and I concur wholeheartedly . I absolutely adore letting this horny sexy slut out of the box on a temporary basis. As I dress myself I can physically feel my persona changing into an erotic sexy animal that has wild desires that I feel I can indulge. Yes of course I hide behind this mask. In ‘vanilla’ life I could not participate in these activities. The constraints of society have ensured that these traits lie buried until the transformation is complete. When it does a horny slut emerges to enjoy herself.

This is a form of temporary escape that allows me to become a sexual toy that loves to play with others of a similar sexual persuasion. I do not see myself as gay but want to play with all others who have a similar sexual mindset. This is mainly with women or other TV’s as I tend to find them on the same wavelength. However I have enjoyed being the dominant mistress with hairless subs of all persuasions. I find I am just not on the same wavelength of the macho hairy men.

I have tried many aspects of sex but in the main enjoy a mild sub/dom BDSM environment which involves dressing up roleplay,Img_2960(sm) teasing and restraint. I do not enjoy hard play in the form of pain or bodily fluids but adore denial, nipple play, anal penetration and cock and ball restraint.

My ideal roleplay game is being the sexy slut of a mistress being trained in all aspects of erotic sensual domination and slut play for her pleasure, including body worship and sexual activity for her pleasure. But details on that is for a later blog

OK this is just a copy from my TVChix page but its a must for anyone in the closet or thinking about whether to go out or not. tumblr_lf4fg20Y4N1qf4898o1_250

Well a new year came and went and my age hasn’t changed on my profile, never mind, the brain’s mental age has not so why should age matter, until you see some of the stunning girls there are at TV Chix. A big big thank you to Stella for the effort she has put into the number one TV site for us all. You have made a genuine difference.

My rant for this year is more a plea to those in the closet. For far, far too long I stopped myself from going out. Fear of not looking right, fear of looking so horrible in the presence of others, fear of what my family, friends and other people thought about me, fear of showing the world that I was indulging in what was seen by others as a sordid pastime and above all fear of being discovered. It took me 25 years before I dressed regularly and then a further 5 years before I started to go out, thanks to the internet and more acceptance of TV’s. 30 years wasted (well maybe 20!). I still have not come out to my nearest and dearest and that is a frustrating worry. Fear is the biggest barrier you can encounter try to look a it rationally. The bulk of people are not phased by trannys, in fact I would say the bulk of people are welcoming. There a minority of people who find it disgusting but these are Daily Mail readers who believe in conspiracy theories and small issues blown to become major pieces to fill the front pages. 

I now of course regret the delay in accepting who I am and the lost years of frustration and sometimes anger I got through denying my lifestyle. Now I enjoy myself and indulge as I see fit. Yippee for me but just a little late for the looks. The wrinkles and general malaise of getting older makes you wonder what would have happened if we had done things sooner. Courage to all you who would like to get out. Its nerve wracking, its exciting and believe me you will not regret it. They say try something 3 times. The first to experience it, the second to learn about it and the third to decide if you like it or not. I endorse that. get out 3 times then take the decision

If anyone needs advice we are all here to help as I have been helped by the supportive girls in this group

Enjoy what you are as we are all differenttumblr_lohvloWOPP1qao1t8o1_400

This was written 2 years ago. Since then I have been discovered by my now ex-wife. But the main reason she separated from me was not because of my dressing but because of the lies and the break in trust that had occurred in our lives together. In actual fact I am better away from her and we have a much better relationship. But that is only my story.

I always counseled others not to tell their partner as the effect on their relationship could be catastrophic and they should not be selfish and think only of their problems. How many girls have I met who live in fear of their wives/friends/families discovering who/what they are. This causes frustration in your life and blocks in your relationship. I cannot give you a solution. What I can tell you is that as time progresses the more times that you dress the greater the chances of being discovered and how you will be unprepared to answer the questions that are thrown at you if you are ‘found out’. How many times have I left a pair of knickers under the bed, a corset falling out of a bag in the loft where I stored my wardrobe or a website open on my computer only to be lucky enough to find it before someone else does! You must think through how you would answer the questions:

  • Why do you do it
  • Why do you want to look the way you are
  • Are you gay
  • Do you play when dressed
  • What do you want from the future
  • Why did you not tell me

Just as you plan how you want to look start to analyse why you do it and be able to answer the searching questions in a more positive manner. Try to put things in perspective from everyone’s point of view.

If you need help just drop me a line

Is This A Drug?

It is interesting how having stopped dressing and participating in the fun activities that are associated with it for a few weeks I had few genuine urges to dress again. I think this was mainly due to the fact that I had a stunning new girlfriend who loves to indulge in fun and encourages the urges of Tara. But because of the ‘other’ activities many of my sexual urges have been sated. But then a few days ago when she was out an opportunity presented itself to me and lo in the mirror in front of me was a person who I suddenly found that I had missed. It is quite odd but some of us actually get a great thrill from doing things that are intrinsically unacceptable to the bulk of the community at large. We enjoy the whole illicit covert nature of what we are doing. It in particular gives me a sexual thrill. When it is accepted by the rank and file we have to move things on ourselves.


Another factor is I always like the ‘mind fuck’ aspect of dressing turning the vanilla male into the slutty female personality that lies within. but for me this takes time. the laying out of the clothes and equipment the washing shaving cleaning out etc. The makeup the dressing and the prancing around. All of this I like to do in private. I want everyone to see the butterfly..or should that be moth emerge. I don’t like people watching the transition. This is an intensely personal time of mental change for me.

I cannot explain what drives me to do it, I never have,  but I realise that if I want to I can put Tara away for long periods of time. However on returning this reawakens a whole plethora of activities. I look at more shopping sites I watch make-up tutorials I look at more sites relating to tranny matters, It seems a bit like listening to a music track incessantly for  a period of time to then put it away only to re-discover it a few months later and play it over and over again. Its almost like a drug that is not completely addictive but something you enjoy using from time to time.

From not really having thought about it I now start to think when looking at someone ‘what would he look like in drag?’ or a woman/TV ‘how has she achieved that look?’ or  ‘what is the best beard cover?’ ‘ who is up for fun on TXChix?’ who are the current mistresses in my area who like TVs? Its a great ‘mind play’as the Americans say. As the largest sexual organ your brain loves to play tricks with you and certain sights are the trigger to a new part of your mind that can be closed for periods of time.


But awaken that giant and you step into a realm of fantasy and discovery that you had been quite happy to leave alone. It seems that is why so many of us can stop dressing for periods of time because other things take priority, but then when it becomes a bit quieter those pangs and longings return.

I particularly love stockings as you can see and in summer its just too hot to wear them so Tara tends to take a backseat during the warmer months. But come the cooler winter months when things happen indoors she comes out and she gets more adventurous as time goes on and the looks decline. So here we are at nearing autumn 2013 and the girl is in search of new fun with her new Mistress. I am so lucky to have met someone who understands me and we are on a voyage of discovery to tell you all about

The sexy lady I adore

The sexy lady I adore

Ask most Trannies why they love to crossdress and most will say they just do not know. It is something that at some point has been hardwired into them following some event in their past that awakened this urge or desire within. They then have to spend countless hours, days weeks months and years trying to understand this, which they never do, before in their mature years accepting that it is a part of them and they duly indulge as they see fit.

Yes I like leather

Yes I like leather

I was 36 years old before I accepted that this was an itch that had to be scratched, but only occasionally, though the more you indulge the more it becomes a necessity. But that is my point of view. I love dressing and having sex whilst dressed. It is my ultimate turn-on. Seeing myself in the mirror and then having sex with another whilst dressed is deeply erotic.

But this is an experience that I like to turn on and off. I also love my vanilla life. As a man and having sex in my ‘normal’ role is also highly satisfying. The problem as always is women!

I adore women worship them (yes mistress!), I want to play games with them (is that a strap-on I see before me) and so want to please those who want a shared relationship. But to most the concept of a tranny is revolting not sexy!

We are to a large extent a lonely misunderstood breed who are mostly hetrosexual people who find a form of expression in clothes and make-up that are to all extents forbidden from our sex

“Why do you want to wear women’s clothes.? Its disgusting!”
” But you wear trousers jackets ties darling.”
” But that is different I am a woman. Wearing stockings corsets and tight fitting dresses is perverted”
“And God knows why you want to play at being a slut, its so demeaning to women”
“But its just a game just living out my fantasy”
“But you like strap-ons bondage and other dark activities”
“Yes just something in my nature that enjoys this from time to time”
“You are gay aren’t you”
“Not when I am wearing the trousers but when I put on a dress I do like to play with like minded souls…but not men or hairy panty wearers”
” I want someone who will care for and protect me and gives me real sex not a sissy who prances around looking for a dominant”
” I will care for you but I also want time to explore my other side either with or without your help”
” You are not man enough for me”
” And most of all I am sorry for hiding it from you. I felt it was just a fetish or hobby in which I could indulge without your knowledge and I must apologise for the cloak and stiletto efforts on my behalf”

Yes its the outfits that turn me on

Yes its the outfits that turn me on

So few women can come to terms with a fetish transvestite (which is what I call a person who dresses for sexual pleasure) they see them as oddballs who do not conform to their stereotypes of what a man should be. And so it goes on. Few are lucky to find someone who wants to share their life. Have at look at Something To Confess by Karen Adler who went through all the emotions and came out a better couple.

With others like me it drives a wall between you and your relationship because the ground rules have changed so much and to start afresh for some is not possible. Some find it impossible to communicate, so there is only one unhappy outcome. A very rare few find a middle ground where he lives with her but is allowed to indulge on his/her own without much knowledge of their partner

But less melancholy lets us (or really me) look at myself… this is so cathartic!

Lets get things straight when I am in man garb I am solely attracted to women, particularly petite and feminine women. I adore trying to satisfy their needs in a mutual understanding and hopefully honest and open way

As Tara things become a little blurred. One of the fun things of putting on a new face is that is something to hide behind, something illicit and downright thrilling. Because society in general frowns on it I get an emotional high from participating in cross dressing and all the related activities. If I did this every day it would no longer have the thrill, it would become the norm. I have also noticed a change in people who become full-time TVs they tend towards a more feminine disposition and find it difficult to return to ‘normality’. This is not me 90% male 10% TV no wait 20% or maybe 30% decisions decisions

This is all about releasing a new tiger that sees sexual encounters as a thing that fulfils me I still have 80% of me that says women are sooo gorgeous but another 20% says lets see what happens if we play with another TV or a man. Again its all linked to the thrill. Who the hell needs drugs when you have this!!

So that’s me Mature Fetish Transvestite newly free and searching for a (female) partner.

But first a little freedom to let Tara have some well earned playtime. I need to find a pro-domme with whom I can establish a relationship to explore my fetish side and find out exactly where my boundaries lie. I have met a few very good ones in the past but never seemed to have the time to devote to a long term relationship. I now hope to do this.
I will keep you posted!

Just another great outfit!

Just another great outfit!


I posted a link to the Wikipedia definitions of Transvestism, but there are so many interpretations that I thought I would give you my own thoughts. The transgender community mainly run by transsexuals would have my bollocks for a necklace for treating it in this way, but it is my interpretation. As I see it in its most basic there are 4 key types:

  1. Panty Wearers – these are the ones who get a kick out of wearing certain aspects of women’s clothing. For example when I was young it was stockings that got me turned on. In fact my first orgasm was whilst I was wearing a pair of women’s tights! Others I know get such a high from high heels, frilly knickers and some breast forms. They focus on these items for sexual gratification.
  2. Cross Dressers – after the initial foray into a particular type of clothing there comes a point where we want to dress fully. The complete transformation. My first one came in response to an interview with a mistress to whom I said ‘I want something different’! After 10 minutes she said ‘I think you are a tranny’. She dressed me and I could not believe what I was looking at, that was it. Many cross dressers need to get out and express this in the real world. Regardless they have to dress on a regular basis to feed the inner woman.
  3. Transvestites – this is where I believe the script changes. For me a TV is one where the sexual drive of dressing takes over. The overall site of oneself dressed creates a huge fantasy rush and from there we engage in many forms of sexual activity to satisfy the slut within. What form that takes we may look at later. In my life I have indulged in many activities and been down several blind alleys, but ultimately this has been why I dress.
  4. Transsexuals – there are some genetic males who just feel they were born to the wrong sex, there are some who modify their body because they enjoy having male and female parts, and there are some who do it to work in the sex industry. Suffice to say I consider transsexuals engage in some form of surgery that involves body modification that brings them closer to the look and form of the female sex. I have never wished for this but have seen the intense pain of girls who are so desperate to get rid of their male member that it is awful to watch how the medical profession puts off  the surgery necessary for them to progress in their life.

I see being a tranny as moving along this continuum with various branches such as fetishism, mistressing, male/female sex play, toys and rubber/leather. We decide to continue all the way or we get off at the level that gives us the most satisfaction. Within this whole sector there is a myriad of complex social, sexual and personal elements that make us all individual.

But help, if you want to talk to a TG girl who has come to terms with herself…I haven’t got a clue. I do not understand why I love to dress as a woman but I absolutely adore it! I am on a delicious emotional roller-coaster and and just waiting for the next ride! I score -40 on the COGIATI test making me an Androgyne who plays between the sexes and that is exactly where I am indulging the biggest sexual organ…the brain in that rather crude expression from America ‘A Mind Fuck’. Sorry but its exactly what dressing and playing does to me. Changes my whole persona from male to female but a very playful one! Other people say I ‘suffer’ from Autogynephelia (though I guarantee I only suffer a little bit! Click here 

There is for most a drive inside that is almost like alcoholism. Its an itch that has to be scratched. So many of us have gone through a guilt trip where we ‘purge’ our wardrobes of the female clothes only to return some days/weeks/months/years later until we eventually come to terms with ourselves. I am an amateur I only had 4 purges and it cost me about £5k!!!

Oh and if you don’t have a sense of humor to go with this life then your self image needs re-adjusting! I seek and enjoy new and challenging sensations in all aspects of life. I do not want to go to the grave saying ‘I wish I had done this or that’ I want to know that I have tried and enjoyed so much of what life throws at us. I hate being conditioned by religion, social mores, standardised expectations and political correctness. I intend to enjoy life as long as I do not offend others in the process.

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