Tag Archive: Partnerships


Over Thinking…Under Thinking

Filed under: Accepting Transvestism, Relationships, Sexuality, Transvestite — Leave a comment
March 6, 2020

You are not thinking clearly

We have a tendency to overthink many of our so called ‘problems’ related to Transvestism. In particular the idea that on every corner of every street there is someone who will ‘clock’ you in femme mode and you will be exposed to the world for the pervert you are and your whole life will be ruined. The chances are so slight. You are also wrong on 4 premises. One that people are actively looking to spot a Tranny, two you have made no effort to dress and are just a bearded bloke in a dress hence are totally reconisable, three that there are people in the vicinity that know you and four they want to make your life miserable by going behind your back!
My girlfriend who, as you know, runs the  Chateau Femme dressing service says she sees it on a daily basis. The T’s who come to see her are at times paranoid about being discovered. Frightened of photographs, a smudge on their collar or eyeliner left after the event and petrified someone is going to jump out of a wardrobe and photograph them inflagrante delicto. Though I can understand they have some worries, as I did in the early stages, some do become so frozen by their worries they cannot enjoy the moment and life becomes even more stressful. If you make the decision to do it let the fear go.
In my experience I have never, yet, been discovered in the flesh, or not to my knowledge or chagrin. And to be honest I don’t care as much as I did 20 years ago as its much more acceptable these days. If somebody spots us they tend to miscast as a TS and are worried the liberal left ‘wokes’ will view them as anti-Trans so say nothing! Such a weird society we live in!
I must say however that despite this whole tolerant, politically correct society you still have to accept that you are an aberration from ‘the norm’ and long may we be so. Embrace the naughty (OK femme) side, but beware that in some cases we tend to over or under estimate the consequences.
So lets look at the two aspects as to how we tend to over or under think things relating to Transvestism:
OverThinking
  • You are going to be discovered if you post a pic on-line – as I say to everyone if you post a pic or are part of a group pic then this is going to be broadcast into the webosphere forever. Once its gone its registered, however your chances of being recognised in your male persona are pretty close to zero. Though with Face Recognition technology improving rapidly this may become more frequent in the future. But then someone has to be quite malicious to want to do this. If you want to bugger up the technology make a minor alteration to you r face using some of the ‘beautifying’ apps such as Portrait Pro and Adobe Photoshop and if its discovered in 10 years who will care. Just take a look at all the before and after shots of Trannies and the difference is quite considerable if they go to great efforts to make-up, do the same.
  • You are going to be recognised when you are out – look at the pictures of girls pre and post transformation again, they are pretty unrecognisable even when the 2 pics are up against each other. Yes you will be seen as a TV/TS but beyond that few people stare. Look at how you look at others in a public place, we don’t look at the detail we look at generalities. That being said if you are wearing a long pink wig, a PVC mini-skirt and 6 inch stilettos then you will attract a more than cursory glance. But then if you are doing that then I think that is what you want anyway. Most of us have realised that the bulk of people of people are just getting on with their life and more interested in themselves and their social media circle to really worry who you are and what you are doing. Yes some places are tolerant others less so. The rule is to think why you should go to a particular place or not.
  • You are going to attract derision from ‘the lads and ladettes’ when you are out – I talked to 10 of my friends about this and we worked out we had been out over 2000 times and in that period we could only recall 10-12 times (4 were women orientated)  when we had had a problem, normally due to excess alcohol. In general we found we were accepted as an oddball making a bit of a statement and the vast majority of people were interested in why we were as we were. So if you stay away from late night bars with drunks then you are safe as houses
  • People think you are Gay because you dress – yes there are a lot of TV’s who exhibit bi-sexual tendencies when dressed and yet have none of these desires when in boy mode. I have always maintained we live on a gender and sexuality continuum and we move up and down it from male to female and heterosexual to gay. There are too many boxes and we are fluid according to our situation. We all have varying and different aspects to our personality. Most also like naughty oddball sexual encounters. It just means we don’t want to be judged by a conformist strict code set by an intolerant left leaning liberal Twitterati. People tend to generalise in their minds so its for you to persuade them otherwise, unless that’s your bag! Live life and don’t let others set your agenda, you only have one and believe me it is a short one! Less than 6% of men are out and gay and less than 1% are ‘out’ Transvestites, so get people to do the math. Remind them why you like to dress and what it does to you, after that its over to how they accept you.

  • Dressing Service and Mistresses will publish your details all over the internet – as my girlfriend says if she was to publish anything on the internet without peoples approval her business would be dead in 6 months. Same applies to anybody in the Personal Services business. Their business relies on discretion and their peers will be furious should any of them break that code of honour.

    Be objective not subjective

    Yes there are a few in the Sunday Papers who take the money to kiss and tell, but that is for celebrities, those people want their 15 mins of fame and are soon forgotten. The vast majority of them are just decent honest working people who have identified their niche in the market to make money. Most genuinely like Trannies and find them mildly exotic. Some are rip-off because they are not really into the business, just want to make a quick buck, and thought this was a way to easy riches. Both they and the customers soon find out it is not. It never ceases to amaze me how many genuinely nice women are in this very, very stressful business and still remain very kind. Remember it is they that have to open the door to a maniac like you!!
  • You do not pass so people will laugh at you – confidence is the key to this. Not every woman is your ideal beauty but there are so many whose personality transcends any mild weaknesses in their hair, make up or dress sense that makes just a great person to be with. That is so much more than being the perfectionist that looks immaculate but that just sits in the corner and contributes nothing else to the party. Part of the fun of being out is mixing and getting people’s attention and embracing all aspects of your femme side. If this frightens you just stay at home on your own…NOT!
  • Fear Is the road block – I covered this in my FEAR article a couple of years ago. The fact is that fear paralyzes rational thinking, action and fun.  Overthinking situations leads to compounding this fear Yes I think a tiny bit of healthy fear is right as it keeps us awake and alive to any potential threats, it makes the moment more exciting. Just ask yourself what the most realistic outcome will be, then get on with it!
Under Thinking
  • If you have hidden it for many years from your partner it will be better for you when its out – thinking that telling your partner about your femme side might take a load of stress off you, but it dumps everything on your partner. This however is not about stress but about trust or the destruction of it, the essence of a good relationship after openness. If you look at my previous posts on coming out its probably going to be a lonelier life. The problem is not the dressing but the fact you have hidden it for so long and the trust between you built up over the years is blown and in a very, very short space of time you will have turned their world upside down. They in turn will tend to overthink things. You will be listed as a liar and a cheat who is Gay and is playing away all the time. Many partners find it hard to come to terms with the fact that there is a very different person sitting in front of them who was not part of the original package and they think their old life has gone West, especially if the friends and family find out. Think and plan very clearly if you are going down this route, there are enough books and articles to read on it before you do such a thing
  • Once you are out it will be easier – its probably a great stress buster getting out and enjoying being a Tranny in wider society but there is still a lot of stigma attached to the whole crossdressing thing. Many people don’t get it and as happens when people have no comprehension they immediately put the worst connotations against it. Yes they will say you look great you are a fantastic dresser but in reality you have to persuade them that you are not a threat to society nor will you murder their children in their beds. You will encounter prejudice because you do not conform to the intolerant liberals who are starting to control our lives and denounce individualism in return for the so called betterment of an ethnocentric society in general.

  • Relationships will be easy if your partner meets your femme side – As I said in my article about relationships the other side our femme side brings out another personality from within us. In the majority of cases I have seen this is a softer more relaxed person that is distinct from the boy side. This may be fine for you but your other half has to be able to cope with the ‘other person’ in your relationship. One minute they have a stronger man planning ahead, making decisions and being fairly direct with them, the next they have a person who is laid back living in the moment not really worrying about what is to come. You are forcing them to adapt and that is not what they bargained for when you first met! Its so much better to meet the T-Girl earlier on and find out what you have in common. The reality is you have to go very slowly. You want to show here because you have been doing it for so long she is still in shock and wants no more. She will say yes I would love to meet X but you have to let her determine the time and place when she is the right frame of mind. She has to be a very strong minded open woman so do not push it. I have seen it so many times the Tranny is so desperate to show their partner their femme side its like being picked up by a person you know has had no fun for ages and just wants an encounter. Your mind says not today thanks.

    Therefore I am a Tranny

  • Its a passing phase that I will grow out of – Not in my experience. The desire to dress waxes and wanes from time to time but in my experience it is there at the back of the mind. I remember my father giving up smoking at 60 because of thrombosis and when he was 84 he said that never a day went by without him thinking of it. But he was strong willed enough not to do it. I have gone for long periods without dressing but it has been an ever present, especially times of loneliness and stress its great therapy.
    The intense feelings it sums up are things I miss and I always seem to come back to. For those who use it as a coping strategy in down times it can lie dormant when the problems go away, only to return when pressure returns or when it is substituted for something else! For others its a great kink for when vanilla life becomes too boring vanilla life,  I have friends who, when they don’t have a girlfriend, use it as a substitute for sex and when they find a new relationship it recedes to the back of their mind only to return when times get a bit tougher or life needs some new challenges! For very few its a constant as we battle, no too strong, PLAY between the male and femme sides of our personality. Embrace it and don’t feel too guilty about it.
  • Age will wither it – No again sorry but so many TV’s actually find themselves in their 60’s and 70’s as their life circumstances allow the closet TV to come out. Its such a strong form of expression that it persists into very old age! Some have suppressed these feelings for so long because of their relationships and family, when these no longer apply they embrace theses aspects. The bulk accept that this is how they are and the majority always always regret not having done it earlier, but accept life is about choices.
I am sure there are hundreds of other ways we can look at why we over or under think things. The fact is that the way to view it is if it does not hurt another person then stop thinking too much. If another person is involved then think hard before you take any steps
TaraXXX
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Can We Reclaim The Word Transvestite And Tranny Please

Filed under: Accepting Transvestism, Sexuality, Transvestite, Uncategorized — 2 Comments
September 27, 2018
I am fed up with people putting me down because I call myself a Transvestite or a Tranny which many see as a rather vulgar and demeaning word. It’s not. This in my opinion shows they lack the understanding of the words their heritage and how our TS sisters on the other side of the pond, in particular, have come to bastardise their meaning due to their own misuse of the vernacular in pursuit of a very different agenda to our own.
The dictionary defines a Transvestite as a crossdresser, someone who wears clothing from the opposite sex for psychological reasons. Then some definitions (particularly American) add the line ‘for sexual gratification’. It may be all of these it may be some but the reality is that its a catchall for trying to simplify something that is not simple, which I hope I have demonstrated in these blogs. Its wrong and lacks an understanding of where the words came from and how they have come to be used or is that abused.Angry Woman. Furious Girl. Negative Emotions. Bad Days. Bad Mood
Let us look at the history. Transvestism wasn’t really coined as a term before 1911 and the word has gone through several changes since originally being for a medical disorder, or the sexual interest in crossdressing also known as transvestic fetishism. The word crossdresser did not originate until the 1970’s but the fact that some of these people linked dressing to erotic fantasies meant that Transvestites got a bad name for themselves. Seeing a 6 foot, 90kg bloke in short leopard print dresses unable to walk in high heels and a cheap wig did not help!
As a result, particularly in the USA, calling someone a Tranny or Transvestite was used as a derogatory term. It also got messed up with all the other Trans (Transsexual, Transgender) groups where anybody with a ‘trans something’ in front of them was called a Tranny. They lumped us all together to start with. The Transgendered community in particular hated being associated with ‘dressing’ and its sexual (not gender) elements and set about degrading it for their own purposes as it was not what they were about.
On top of this the multitude of definitions in the last few years has blossomed to become so mixed up particularly with the growth of Transgender and Transsexual identities that we have been incorporated into a smaller group in which we do not belong.
Amongst all of this the Transvestite and Crossdressing activities have been relatively subsumed and deemed irrelevant to the TS’s which queers their pitch as society wakes up to this intersex debate. Transgendered people are fighting for their identity which is highly laudable but not at the expense of being downright insulting to a strand that in actual fact is a much, much bigger percentage of the population. Trannies are looking for a form of expression for their personality leave them alone.
The problem is that we Transvestites are not part of this group we don’t want to be full-time women. In fact it was the TS community that were wrongly labeled with the word Tranny which belongs to our group. Our issue is more an identity issue not a gender thing. To make matters even worse, in my experience, is that our group outings give transsexuals an early solace for them to express their identity only for us to discarded with relative venom as they realise they are different. How many times have I been told by a TS who I have nurtured but you are not a woman ‘I am’ . You are bloody right I am a Tranny and stop bastardising my definition just because it doesn’t suit you. Get your own vernacular and leave ours alone! You may have gender dysphoria but we embrace the femme side of life alongside our male side. Nicely balanced!
Basic RGBSo now let’s try to define ourselves to the world as clearly as we can. In this way we should become more acceptable and palatable to a wider consensus who currently see what we do as more of a perversion (well the over 40’s do!). I believe that for the majority of us dressing or crossdressing in whatever form releases another aspect of our personality. Yes it could have a sexual element (is that really so bad?) but the true part it allows is the release of the feminine side of our mindset as a counterbalance to a male role that we have been conditioned to be by society. Roles for us are too strict we need broader acceptance.
I am of course going to immediately argue that the definition is still to simple as so many Tv’s say to me there is more than one side to my Tranny personality and the style of dress I adopt releases a particular aspect of their persona which is hidden. Dressing is that trigger for an inner self that lies hidden. Yes I may dress in a shorter skirt today because I feel sexy. Tomorrow it will be a longer dress because I feel classy and the next day its a simple set of jeans and boots because I feel incredibly relaxed when wearing them. It’s a great switch off mechanism.
I am going to stop there and let the debate begin because this is getting into the realms of an essay for the British Psychological Journal. I want to help people understand themselves not bore them to death like a Wagner Opera! Oops now pissing off the opera buffs as well!
All I want to do is establish that being a Transvestite is a good thing for both the Tranny and those around them. They tend to be soft creatures much less outspoken and more accepting than their TS counterparts. Their time is spent in sexy contemplation of being able to release the femme aspect of their personality. They love to indulge in the fun aspects of their life that they can’t do with the lads who have a very different mindset.
So please allow us to own the words Transvestite and Tranny and don’t denigrate them to match your personal and political machinations. We Trannies need our identifying marks as well. We are the silent majority that just gets on with being ourselves. As they say you never really win an argument by being rude about others xxx
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Are You Blaming Your Tranny Side For Your Activities

Filed under: Accepting Transvestism, Relationships, Sexuality, Transvestite, Uncategorized — 1 Comment
January 3, 2018
Don’t we all love how our femme side allows us to explore the nature of our own personality and sexuality. However it can also be used by us as an excuse for doing things that in male mode we would probably never venture into because we can at the end of it all blame whatever we did on the ‘girl’ and not on ourselves.
Any regular readers of this blog will know that I get a real kick I get out of the whole switch in my personality and mindset when I get into my femme mode. It releases the hidden altered freak within. In many ways it takes off the blinkers that constrain my male side making me a much more complete person. Most important of all of these it makes me feel totally relaxed sexy and very alive giving me an internal buzz that is very, very hard to describe to those that have never experienced it. You don’t know what you are missing!

This ‘mindfuck’ (as the Americans put it) can lead you down some very interesting routes as the shackles are off and you know this is only a temporary ‘experimental’ phase you are going through. It does however lead to certain speculative ventures as you try to understand and define what you are about. If like me you have tried some routes that are out and out dead ends others you come to understand are your triggers. However at the end we tend to blame the dead ends on the ‘girl’ not ourselves.

Vase+Face+Illusion

Who Is Messing With Your Mind

You dress in a provocative manner saying its just her showing off or just trying to get attention. You go to a gay club or a BDSM club you would never have visited as a man because ‘she’ allows you to do so. You go camming online because the girl just has to show off. You fancy trying sex with a man or another TV. You want to take drugs and ‘let go’. You want to put yourself in a potentially harmful situation. You want to shock people.  etc. etc. etc. These all happen behind the veil of being a TV which theoretically is not really you. The mind plays tricks all the time!
In boy mode we have inhibitions that serve as a buffer against what we consider is wrong or bad. However if these can be excused by blaming someone else for the actions in some ways this give you an opportunity for alternative fun. Blame is not an act itself but it either erodes or outright removes these inhibitions. It develops a thought pattern that allows the persons emotions to override his self control in order to achieve an often selfish end.
My girlfriend knows that all too well because I always like to put certain things into boxes, some things for him some things for her. When in Tara mode I like to act and play in a completely different way than when I am the boy. This can cover the way I dress, the way we have sex and the way I act in public. The boundaries change and sometimes the wrong actions can result. She sees it all the time when people come to her dressing service Chateau Femme. Their girl side can be 40’s Retro, Tarty, Secretarial, Bridal, Sissy, Maid, Fetish whatever but each has a strong need to let this side out. But afterwards, when they return to male mode, many have a strong sense of guilt for enjoying a pleasure that they are not meant to enjoy and are rarely allowed. That’s where blaming the girl overrides the guilt.
Blame2

Its All About Me

Trannies are notoriously self-centred and narcissistic. They can use the girl to excuse any kind of behaviour. Because somehow she is telling you what to do, its her fault not mine. You start by saying well if I can’t get it here then I will try there or the mindset says I would like to try that, its only the girl speaking. How many of us talk about him or her when talking to friends? We love the separation of sexy from ordinary. You then go off and do whatever it may be saying “well I can get away with that because its the girl its not me’. But the reality is that if you are doing it behind anyone’s back its downright wrong and it is you. If you are single its fine but if you are in a relationship then there is no excuse!  Took me 20 years to realise that!  We have to start to accept the consequences of the ‘girl’s’ activities as well.

Fine if you enjoy doing it but as I have said so many times in the past you will get caught eventually, unless the whole thrill of probably being caught gets you off! And perhaps for a large number of us that is part of the excitement . As biological males we are inherent risk takers and the whole thrill of doing things that are illicit turns us on. Getting away with it probably is part of the thrill only when you are caught do you then blame it on the girl! Wrong!
Even to this day with these blogs, and a very understanding partner, I am still inherently conditioned to think that what I do is wrong, though the drive of the exciting nature of it is too strong to stop. Society tells us its wrong but our mindset says I have to do it. They are in constant battle.

I used to think that if being a Tranny was not ‘The Last Taboo’ and everybody accepted it

LBD

Just My LBD

then the want to dress would not be so much fun. It wouldn’t be so naughty. But I know now that is not the case. I have come to terms with what I am, what I like and what I should not do (regardless of whether I might want to). There is within all of us the inherent need to release the femme side (and all its concomitant circumstances) for a short period of time before returning to the male side for even more fun. But surely hurting others is not one part of the thrill.

Happy New Year XXX
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Why a Genuine Girl (GG) Should Date A Transvestite

Filed under: Accepting Transvestism, Relationships, Sexuality, Transvestite, Uncategorized — 2 Comments
January 12, 2017
Most of the TV’s I know are heterosexual. But many of them have great difficulty in finding a woman with whom they can share their femme side. A normal boy-girl relationship is hard at the best of times then add the Tranny dimension and things get even tougher. But there are plenty of examples out there and it can work with some effort on both parts. As I said in a previous article on the Lonely Road of Transvestism it tends to be a hidden pursuit and if you become single it can be a fairly monogamous from a relationship point of view. I also looked at this from a woman’s perspective in my blog on relationships with a real woman looking at many of the pitfalls that occur. I even begged women to look at it from our perspective in my article for a plea for better understanding. This however would imply that all the work has to be done by the woman in coming some way to understanding how we feel and act when in femme form. This was far too focused on the me, me, me  aspect of being a Tranny which at times can be so self-centred.
However I thought if a woman has a strong personality and has confidence in her role and sexuality as well as an openness to acceptance of the Transvestite side then this offers some interesting avenues. Rather than focussing on the negatives let’s look at the womancd1positives of this from a woman’s point of view and hopefully this may at least bring a few more round to thinking of us not as oddballs but as someone with whom a genuine loving and caring relationship can be enjoyed. Remember that gender is a kind of performance. Women perform femininity it’s primarily because society asks them to. Ditto for males. Trannies are seen as eccentric but why does the shape of your genitals determine what you should wear, watch on TV or in our cognitive abilities. If you can be open to this form of thinking then there are so many new avenues to explore.
  1. If you indulge a Tranny that man and I mean man (not the Tranny that is just a side to the man’s personality) will remain loyal to you forever. He will regard himself as one of the lucky few who has a partner that has endeavoured to understand his femme side . One who is comfortable with both sides of his personality and does not see it as a barrier to a relationship in the classic (and in my opinion outmoded)  sense of the word. A woman who obviously understands her identity and does not see the arrival of the third person as any threat to the relationship.  This woman is now a person with whom the man/tranny can share his whole life. There is nothing hidden, no doing things behind your back and no stress from those covert times when he ‘has’ to dress. As a result you will have a caring and sympathetic partner who will not wander off to participate in nefarious activities away from home. Most men whose other halves know of the girl side adore their partner for being so sympathetic and caring and return that favour in spades and just like that big puppy dog desperately wanting to make a relationship work for all.
  2. In Tranny mode you are going to have a much softer person across the table from you for a period of time, if that’s what you want. Your conversations will change. No longer will they be dominated solely by those of the more direct anecdotal male world. Instead they tend to turn to more female related subjects . You will find that when dressed they are more interested in talking about clothes makeup and appearance. Their feelings will be more exposed and they will be in tune with yours as well. Their interests are more akin to yours and they love to indulge it. Recognise that when they return to maledom they might be a little reticent to talk about these things it’s just purely them returning to the male role that is expected of them in society as their femme side has been hidden from the outside world for so long.
  3. Trannys endeavour to get in touch with their innermost feelings and as a result have a much deeper understanding of what you are going through. They will wear their heart on their sleeve from time to time and recognise that they must give the woman
    2013-09-17 00.00.27in their life that same amount of time. They have gone beyond the ‘man up’ era and moved onto the empathetic stage whilst at the same time constantly questioning why they are as they are , not a woman but some third sex.The average Tranny is more sociable than the bloke. OK they do want to talk about themselves so, so much but with time and regular intercourse this will pass. It will be replaced by some shared common ground and open up so many possibilities for discussion that the lad has had beaten out of him by his peers. Nights will be much more romantic and probably less fixated on the bedroom. Though this is still very important to TV’s as much as the bloke. Conversation will revolve around so many female aspects that men have to pretend they don’t understand though many do!
  4. You will get another play partner in your life if you can handle it. My own personal experience of the Transvestite world is that when dressed a different persona emerges in both the mind and body. This means that the approach to sex tends to be different when they are dressed. Not only does a softer, lighter more easygoing person come out but also a changed sexual player with a new agenda in the bedroom. Do not get this confused with those who love the whole sexual play of being a Tranny. There are still those that get turned on by dressing and want to play when dressed but these are not what I am talking about. Instead  when your partner dresses a different aspect to their sexual play arises. There is a more erotic side that emerges that is not all ‘wham bang thank you ma’am’ which you get with the boy side. Instead it focuses on the more sensual side as they are more in touch with the totality of the encounter, with neither of you expected to play the dominant alpha and subservient beta unless you want to. The focus will be on discovering new forms to tumblr_m29mjj8Had1rtz49xo1_500your sexual relationship. You gain a lesbian lover who is again caring. A lot of their harder masculine drives tend to be shelved in favour of more ‘girly’ play. Please remember that when back in boy mode this side can be put away until the girl comes out again. The act of engaging their Femme side does open them up to exploring a lot more about what drives them in the sack. You do effectively get two lovers for the price of one person in various disguises. It opens up new and different possibilities if you have an experimental mindset. The question will always be how far do you go. Believe me the ‘girl’ in bed is much more open to suggestion than the missionary male you see most of the time.
  5. As the boy moves into girl mode so you have a lot of new things in common. Shopping will be more fun. You will have a new friend who will love to indulge in a day out (though not necessarily in girl mode). This person will tell you if it’s not right, if your bum looks too big in it and how they would wear it. They will also want you to help them and share the whole activity. They will be desperate to try it on when they get home and seek your approval. You could have some playful  (and remember this is about play) fun doing it whether you both have the guts to go out dressed or in boy mode. But this doesn,t stop there because  in the past you did not share your love of certain aspects of femininity with your boyfriend because that was not the done thing. Well now you can and he will welcome the chance for getting even closer to you. OK he might have better legs but don’t see this as a threat to your role in the house. He just wants to let this girl out from time to time and in any case its much more difficult for him to transform into a woman than you he may have some great tips to share or help you with.
  6. To go out with a TV you need to have a strong identity yourself but it opens up avenues to discover your own persona. The Tranny on countless occasions will have asked themselves why they have this innate drive to do this thing. They will have questioned their gender, their sexuality and their fetishes. They are an ideal person to have round the dinner table to discuss yourself. Most of us find that once you have had the long and meaningful round table discussions with a TV then the more
    standard conversations of ‘normal’ dinner parties seem so much more banal. They sometimes seem at such a low-level they do not delve into your inner being, your mindset, your feelings. By the way if he’s eyeing another woman its more likely that he is thinking how could I do that look and would it really suit me oh and yes she does look good!!
So there you have it you get a girlfriend and a boyfriend a new sexual partner someone to exchange clothing and makeup as well as share some tips. Someone who will appreciate your female qualities a whole lot more. womancd4Understands why you take so long in the bathroom, Is experimental in bed. Tends to have better hygiene and puts the loo seat down, may even be more willing to help out in household tasks. Someone to go shopping with and may even do your makeup and nails. There will be less concerns as to the lipstick marks on his collar, travel time will be cut in half because ‘she’ is willing to ask directions, less football on telly and more sloppy films,. You will have more larger clothes around for those days when you just want to chill or you will definitely have clothes for those moments when you want that tarty look!
Regardless of this frivolity you will have a partner who has nothing to hide, except that little black number you hate, a person with whom you can share so much more and a person who will adore you for that little time you let the girl out. XXX
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Transvestism And A Relationship With A Genuine Girl

Filed under: Accepting Transvestism, Relationships, Sexuality, Transvestite — 4 Comments
October 4, 2016
Oh God this is a recipe for disaster? It’s such a complicated minefield that I could write a bloody book on the subject and still never find a clear route! Trying to say all relationships just like all Transvestites are the same is completely barmy. But as I have tried to do in this blog I am trying to draw some similarities regarding TV relationships without being too general purely to give some form of insight and guidance in such a complicated fieldtransgender-couple_07-1
But let us look at the relationship that is going to emerge with your partner after you reveal yourself. If you are like me when you dress a different person emerges with a different mindset and a very different playset. I become much more relaxed, centred and less judgemental, I plan less and enjoy the moment more. I feel much more sexy and enjoy the attentions of others. In the past I would flirt and enjoy the whole gamut of sexuality that I could do from behind the mask. That part has changed…well almost!
However I also like ‘the boy’ I enjoy the way he plans ahead, how he makes things happen, doesn’t look back except to learn and moves on. Has a get-up-and-go mentality, enjoys risk and a competitive nature. I like the fact that he can blend into the background and observe (not be so obvious as when dressed) a voyeur not a player. I also enjoy keeping the two people very, very separate with different emails, social networks, phones, websites, wardrobes, attitudes to sex, social environments etc. These are two people in the same body, do they get on or are they at war with each other to come out? If you can’t cope with this schizophrenia then what the hell are you unleashing on your partner?
So now you suddenly present your partner with two different people to care for, love and enjoy their respective company. I think it’s crazy for you to expect that they treat each of your respective personas the same. Can you tell me man and a woman who you treat the same. I can’t and yet I have some good male, female and Tranny friends. I treat them very differently as I have different relationships with them all, and I am not talking sexually! I also react differently to them whether I am dressed in boy or girl mode although in most cases they are mutually exclusive. So expecting the relationship with your partner to be the same with each of your personas is just plain crazy.
Remember in most cases your partner fell in love with ‘the boy’ even if they met the girl first (as in my case) because in most of our instances they spend more time with ‘the boy’. If as in the majority of cases they meet ‘the girl’ afterwards there is a hell of a lot of emotional shock that has to be dealt with. Then it’s about putting things back together in the best way you can. Things are not going to, be the same again and it is about re-building your relationship from a very, very different base. Many relationships do not survive this (me for example) because we are not prepared.
Do not consider that you can just continue as it was before. There is going to be far more scrutiny on your re-evaluation of why you are together and where you both (note both you selfish bitch! ) are going to go.
You must also remember that girl and boy roles fit very well into a socialised, stereotypical, heterosexual relationship but a girl and girl side results in a lot of competing elements and we are not just talking about the space on the bathroom shelf in front of the mirror! In the girl boy side we have roles these can be very blurred in the new lifestyle. How much of the time do you want to be in girl mode? Are you going to tell others?  Are you going to introduce the girl to your friends? Are you going to be allowed to indulge in the girl side on your own or are you going to be accompanied? How will you approach sex? When are you going to show the girl’s side to your partner? How do you tell them how you feel when dressed? How from your side would you see the relationship progressing and vice versa?  So many things to address far less the need for more wardrobe space!
You may be one of those very lucky ones who has a strong open-minded partner that will go with this. You may be one of the many whose partner does not agree with the girl side (principally because she only has room for the man in her life) but accepts that that person exists and has to be let out from time-to-time on their own. You may be the one who says that they will give it up but then comes back to it in secret again at some time in the future! Whatever may transpire you have to give it a go at trying to discuss things.
So let’s say you have decided to tell your partner or more likely your dirty sordid secret (your words not mine…oh well maybe I do think like that sometimes) has been discovered. It’s time to put up and try to sort the coming mess out. So what are the key factors for success? Probably the same as any good relationship.
  1. Being able to communicate with one another in an open and honest non-judgemental way. Genuinely listening to what each other is saying without thinking this is what I anticipate you are going to say! So many of us have forgotten how to listen, we are so intent on getting our point of view across we don’t really engage in what the other party is saying. Slow down and listen think about your response and then say it. A little pause for thought is worth its weight in any relationship. Talking is easy conversation is an art.
  2. Letting each other have their say. On the day you drop the bombshell there is no way this is going to be sorted out quickly. There will be so many questions arising. Why are you like this? Are you gay? Can you give it up? etc. etc. etc. You have had time to think about things , because you have read this! They need time to think, time to let them digest this bolt from the blue and to decide their course of action. If they cannot let their feelings out like you have then they just feel it’s being presented as a fait accompli in which they have no say. Do not try to drive the agenda too early, it will only end in pain.
  3. Having trust in one another that what you say is what you mean and that you are being honest. This is probably where most Trannies fall down because in the majority of cases we have declared our Transvestism at some point in our relationship after many years when our partner did not know. Personally I thought it was a phase I would get over, but somehow I never did! Now I am in the poop because I have hidden it for so long! How do I regain their trust having been a liar for so long? Trust is built over time and destroyed in a moment of stupidity, believe me!
  4. An ability for both of you to give and take. Too many Trannies I meet are so self-centred that they look at what is happening purely from their perspective. They are caught up in the fun of this wonderful short period of time. It is they that have decided to tell their partner or have been found out, it is they that want to drive the agenda their way and in many cases do not care for the consequences (see my article it’s a lonely life out there). The pursuit of being a TV can become such a strong drive that the compulsion stops them seeing things objectively as a result there is little or no chance of the relationship surviving. And there are a lot of unfulfilled Trannies out there. If they have been playing around and seeing mistresses or other TV’s and they think this can go on afterwards they are being delusional. They will be found out again. To stay together you need to change your mindset or agree between you what you can do if your partner allows a bit more openness in your relationship. And are you willing to give them similar freedoms. For example to go out with the local Rugby Club for a few drinks and a club after? Just some flirty fun nothing else! Honest!
  5. Having a willingness that you want to stay together. This is a must. You have to want to at least try to sort things out as you both feel you are better together than apart. Are you genuine soul mates? If so there is room for some movement. A lot of Trannies I know don’t have a sexual relationship with their partner and in some this T-universe is a substitute for that lack of sex. As a result the girl is allowed her times out because the core of their relationship is their friendship. Others survive because they allow each other to pursue their own interests and come together at times. Some have the worst nightmare where they stay together for the kids but pursue separate interests. Others as I said have the luck where the partner gets a boyfriend and a girlfriend and treats each differently. The overriding factor is that both (and I mean both of them) feel more comfortable together than either on their own or with someone else.
  6. Your partner loves you more than cares about what the neighbours think. I don’t care what most of us say Transvestites are still seen as an aberration in society. We are not ‘normal’ and long may it remain so! The social stigma of being with a Tranny is still difficult for many, particularly those over 40. The question is does your partner want to be seen with you in public and can take the talking behind their back that comes with it. I would suggest they do not want to be seen going out with you by your vanilla friends. Just because you have your little secret does not mean you have to splash it over the neighbourhood and have a detrimental effect on your partners life who somehow has to explain it to everyone. Be realistic they are going some of the way with you so do the same for them and don’t insist on your route and your route alone.A young woman and young man wearing pajamas in an airy modern kitchen talking over cups of coffee.
  7. You are both open to a plan. Like everything in life you must have an idea of where you are going, how you will resolve issues, agree what the limits are, what the penalties will be and then review it after say 3 months or so. Then make adjustments to the plan. If you recognise that it is not set in stone but something that evolves then you have the basis of a way forward if you want to.
Look it’s not going to be easy relationships never are. How did I do on this scale the first time Fail Fail Fail all my fault. How have I done more recently Pass, Fail, Pass, Fail, The Jury’s Out. The core of all the problem is Trust and Forgiveness. But you have to realise for some this is not possible, it’s just too big a step to live with a Transvestite, shame we offer so much! I need a drink things are getting awfully deep!!
Tara XXX
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