Archive for February, 2014

A lot of chat has been going on in the Tara household recently. Principally because since Christmas Tara has been ‘out’ as in dressed more than 10 times! Until my change of circumstances, with a wife that did not know, that would have constituted a full year of dressing in private and going out. Along with this is the wonderful opportunity to talk things through with my beautiful tranny loving partner who is just the greatest listener. She gets the unburdening of 30 years plus of the frustrated slut that Tara is. But it has helped both of us.IMG_1631

As Susie also runs a dressing service called Chateau Femme she firstly adores trannies and secondly empathises with them. We are able to share experiences and are quite surprised there are so many similarities. I give her one perspective of what I am like and she shows me there are so many different ones, but there are a few things we all have in common. Frustration at not being able to dress, a desire to let the feminine side out without a guilt feeling and difficulty in finding an understanding partner/friend with which to share this.

Once the latter is solved then the others soon fall into place. Which is where I am now. I still need my space to ‘turn’ my mind to the Tara side and enjoy the whole split personality part of my life on my own. But now I do not feel the guilt I used to when dressing, either should anyone come home or would I be discovered or  so many other what ifs. I have to say though, to be honest, its was a part of my male ‘risk taking’ mentality that I also loved the whole taboo element of this dressing lark. It was part of the thrill of Tara’s life that I was indulging in nefarious deeds that were decidedly taboo to the mainstream of society! Instead they are now replaced with dressed fun and games with my partner. We are still pushing away at the limits and I am getting out and about (see the BNO blog) more and more. A growing number of friends have been introduced to Tara, but they are in the scene and therefore embrace her. Telling ‘nillas’ is another matter.


The debate as to whether or not to tell your partner about your femme side remains. If you are starting out fresh then tell them as soon as possible. We have a good t-girl  friend who whenever he starts dating tells the new woman in his life about his femme side within a week. The amazing thing is that he has never had a rejection. Brilliant! I on the other hand hid it for the whole of my married life (20 years) and when my wife found out it was not the Tara aspect she found hard to comprehend it was the lying and deceit that had gone on for so long and the resultant death of trust between us. Susie knew me as a Tranny and loves trannies so there is no problem..I think.

My overall concern is that you as a tranny unburdening your feelings onto a most likely unsuspecting partner after years of hiding may make you sleep better at night but what about their feelings. In all likelihood you are going to turn their world upside down and they will not know where to turn. If you are going to do it then have a plan as to how they can be supported, where they can read and the resources at their disposal. I always love suggesting the book Something To Confess By Karen Adler is a good start if you want to let her down gently. Most likely this will cause a rocky part in your relationship, some come through others do not. Only you can decide how important this is to you, but if its just a crafty fag behind the bike shed then let it lie.

OK I had this on the page and withdrew it for offence. I am now reposting it with a few amendments so hopefully no offence! But I had enough feedback to say that it was worth revising….

Lets get things straight I am totally mind blowingly in love with my new(ish) partner Susie. Over the last 12SAM_0276crop_ppsm months a large amount of my world has been turned upside down through personal tragedy and other crazy family matters. Throughout this though has been one magnificent ray of light who has released my inner anxieties, who has de-stressed my whole life and lifestyle. I will be eternally in her debt.
I used to live with a wife who knew nothing of Tara and frowned upon such activities. To whom sex and sexuality as a very very straight matter. Now I live with a woman who adores trannies and understands them implicitly. I used to hide my dressing, even then it was only occasional. Now we have regular girls nights in  where we dress and play as a wild passionate couple. Going out was a thing filled with trepidation, particularly as it was on my own. Now we are out and about wherever whenever…(though I still find walking dressed as a tart in the street a little embarrassing, but that is part of the thrill!)
Because Susie has been in this scene a long time (she runs one of the UK’s best dressing services) she doesn’t get as embarrassed as I do when out with a Tranny. Though sometimes I have to remind her that the vanilla people are a little shocked by Trannies and she should reign it back a little as I hate people to feel uncomfortable when they are out. This is one life for all!
For those of you in the closet reading this, who want to get out, to show themselves, to meet others I can only give you a brief glimpse of the wonderful feeling. The feeling  that comes with the removal of that heavy burden caused by the sense of guilt of being a TV, the stress caused by hiding this from your loved ones and yourself and the constant feeling that you are misunderstood and deceiving others. There is no magic formula. I ended up divorced and then met my perfect partner. Many say I am lucky. The fact is we each have to find a path that causes all the least pain
I wake up in the mornings with a pure sense of elation in the knowledge I can indulge my fantasies without anyone being judgemental or disdainful and in particular lacking and understanding of what drives us . Instead I surround myself with people who comprehend where I am coming from and welcome it with open arms. I have found it difficult to come to terms with. The guilt trip is slowly receding into the background and I am letting it happen. More importantly my partner has not pushed me too hard but just let me take it a step at a time.
This weekend was however a watershed weekend for Tara. We had a complete weekend to ourselves. On Friday night it was Girl and Boy night and we spent long hours into the morning discussing how we wanted to live in our Vanilla life . On Saturday we had a girl and girl night where again we completely opened up to one another. It led to a very strong and deep set of feelings between us. A sensation of complete and utter trust in one another that just made me love her more . Suddenly in boy mode I was de-facto going to be the person who was to be in charge (mainly because she is a little disorganised). But when both of us are in girl mode then the roles are to be reversed allowing us to explore some sides of our many faceted personalities.
In neither case its not really a heavy Sub-Dom relationship just a way of establishing roles and protocol. We hand over an element of control for our activities.
Susie said  ‘this is going to get dangerous’
I said ‘do you have a problem with that’
‘no I was just thinking of you’
‘but its me who is opening Pandora’s box, do you worry what might emerge’
‘no its just the time is right for both of us as I can indulge in my fantasies as well’
‘this is going to be a very interesting ride’
tumblr_lf4fg20Y4N1qf4898o1_250More importantly for us is that we are now able to investigate our fantasies and that will be a new phase in the development of our relationship. We agreed there would be some dead ends but in the main we were in the same mind set. I love to keep the boy and Tara very separate in my mind. I enjoy both sides. When I dress my mind switches and Tara emerges, it takes a couple of hours but Susie says she sees a completely different person emerge and that for me is what this is all about. What I love now is that Susie has allowed me to adapt at my own pace to accepting that Tara can come out. She is now moving me further down a route that she wants to go and I am loving every minute of it!

On the insistence of Susie, she cajoled me (well that wasn’t very difficult) into going to the BNO at Pink Punters last week. I thought that because I had never been before and there were limited reviews of the event I thought I would give you my own personal experience of the evening which I have to say ranks in my top 5 nights out as Tara.


The crowd consisted of Susie  Emma Jessica and Tara. We all stayed at the Campanile hotel opposite this barn of a place. The hotel is absolutely average but it is 100yds to the club and if all you want is to get your head down after a few drinks and clubbing them this is fine. Cost £69 + breakfast for a double room.  We being the alikadoos we are stayed in the bar there until 11pm before negotiating the grass bank down to the club. I wish there was a footpath and I tell you now if its been raining take the stroll along the road to the club.

The BNO is held on the second Friday of every month as it has been at this mad family owned club. The place is not like any nightclub I have been to. The Rainbow signage with Gay Lesbian Bi Transgendered  emblazoned across the frontage makes no mistake, you cannot miss it! You enter through an up and down subterranean passageway that is obviously geared for large volumes of people with plenty of friendly bouncers and  sturdy railings. I estimate the club can take about 2000 people all up but as this was the week of the storms I reckon at its peak no more than 500 were there. All guests said it was very quiet that night.

As you finally rise to the club entrance you are met by the sight of a wall of security cameras (they say 200) for your protection. You pay your entrance fee (£6 before midnight) and have to check your coat. If you are broad shouldered like me then take something light to cover them as that little leather jacket will have to go!

On entry there is long, long room about 40 yds in length and 30 feet wide that is open to the elements on one side and a bar to the left. There are also 3 roaring open fires to keep you warm as you approach the business end of the nightclub. At the end of this room are two noise proof fire doors that lead either on to,  down to (open later) or up to a variety of dancefloors each with a variety of music styles and more dry ice than you could put into the Albert Hall. Up through a narrow staircase is the top quieter bar where most of the trannies start their evening. Its a nice comfortable place to sit meet and enjoy the calm girlie time. There are smaller nooks and crannies but that is the basic layout. They have thought of so many things. Mixed loos, bright makeup rooms and a nice looking (we ate before) restaurant. All in all a top end barn of a club!

The night is based around fun and meeting. Its not a sex or play club! The clientèle varies over the evening with the early crowd 9pm-1am strongly Trannie dominated. After the bars and pubs have closed a different younger crowd arrives to dance and party. They are not necessarily gay just out to have a good time at a place where the staff make the evening. All seemed to be having a good time and the party goes on until 5am! Its relaxed and the girls really do try to dress up for the night. So do make an effort if you are going. They are of all persuasions and nobody, absolutely nobody is phased by a TV. I was stopped by a group of Americans (50+) who were intrigued by Trannies and wanted to know more. For half an hour I explained what it did for me.  45 minutes later and one of the guys was back dressed by his wife on their first night out. They just needed someone to give them the excuse.

If you are reading this and would love to get out for a first time then this is probably the best place I have been to to start. Listen we have all had to go out on our first date (mine was to the much lamented Philbeach) and I have to say this is a better venue, though the Thai food at the Philly was amazing! But if your male side likes the fun of risk then make this place a start. There is nothing more exciting in realising that you can go out without anyone annoying you. Everyone is there to help you and they know how nervous you are.

Pictures of the night can be found at Pink Punters Gallery and this gives you a flavour for what goes on. Its just fun and as probably the oldest one there that night I did not feel out of place. Everyone talks to everyone. There are loads of ‘girls’ there who are on their own and just out to meet and chat. Rumours have it that the Campanile becomes a knocking shop after midnight but others will have to confirm that. For me it was such a brilliant party night that you will see me back there on 11th April

PS Sorry to all those who saw an inebriated ageing tranny falling back down the muddy grassy bank by the Campanile…I really should know better!

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