Tag Archive: Accepting Transvestism


I thought in these rather dark and gloomy times it might be nice to be a bit more positive and celebrate all the pluses I have gained from being a Transvestite over the years, so here goes. Its a bit longer than the normal blog but in reality it is just a summary as the real in-depth information could take so much longer, and I will develop it over the coming weeks of isolation!
  1. Relaxation – I have come to realise that the greatest positive I have gained from dressing has been the ability to completely switch off when en femme. To me its a form of mindfulness when I can live in the moment, I call it a blonde moment, because I find it impossible, for example, to cook when dressed as this needs some forward planning! It is at times an intensely personal, selfish thing. In my early days of dressing I used to long to go out. Nowadays I enjoy evenings dressed on my own just as much. Not that I don’t like going out but an evening getting in touch with your femme side with no outside distractions allows you to pursue a myriad of ideas that you may have without anyone judging you for what you are. It allows the feminine, the sexy and the downright outrageous aspects of your personality to have full sway over what you do without incumbencies. So liberating and deeply relaxing.
  2. Stress Busting – this is closely allied to the former but it is more to do with a coping strategy. In this busy never-off society we all need to find ways to switch-off. Most of us get wound up in the stressful nature of today’s society and especially when things go wrong many of us do have ways to get away from it all. For some its exercise, others cooking, a special hobby, sport or other such activities. I found dressing as my mechanism of choice as an exhibitionist way of reducing pressure. It allows us to take the strain out of life for a short while and enjoy oneself, appreciate why we are living and indulge both the mind and body in positive things.

    I Can Get Away With It

  3. Confidence – going out in a frock and high heels is a most daunting task, even for the practiced. Admittedly you overthink things at times and that causes anxiety. But when you have done this then the more mundane things you might have thought ‘risky’ pale very rapidly into insignificance. I remember one of our girls telling us how she had landed a plane in a Force 8 gale on an aircraft carrier in a sea pitching 50 meters and that she was far more scared of going out due to its unpredictable nature. This in turn puts other risks, decisions and life changing moves into perspective. The old adage of ‘what is the worst thing that could happen’ is of paramount importance. I find that aspect brings added confidence to my life in general. Once you have faced up to many of your inner worries then other things come more naturally and you worry less about the consequences.
  4. Socialising – because of the common thing we Trannies share (dressing) I have met so many people from such a wide diversity of life that to be honest I would never really have met in boy mode. You just did not mix or go to the same places, nor meet as tolerant a group of people. TV’s  don’t have the myopia of the increasingly closed social groups fostered by Social Media. If it ain’t what I and my friends like then it ain’t for me is a regular thing we hear. Having a common pastime means you have a new bond with so many different types of people. In my group alone I have  Electricians, an Insurance Agent, several Builders, a Merchant Banker,  a conductor, Servicemen, Warehousemen, Doctors, Taxi Drivers Lawyers, Civil Servants even a Banker from Egypt. The list goes on and on and is so diverse all with one commonality, a feminine side that needs expression. This gives you a much better perspective on life and a more open attitude to society than you would have had you hunkered down with your middle class, rugger buggers at the local pub. The expression ‘we are the same but not the same comes to mind’.
  5. Relationships – without this side to me I would never have met the my partner my LOML whom I met at a Tranny event after I came back from a long sojourn in France. She runs the Chateau Femme Dressing Service (ironically never had the chance to avail myself of these facilities!) The relationship like any TV/Boy and girl one has never been perfectly smooth (or straight) even to someone who absolutely adores Trannies! We all have our foibles that are not to everybody’s taste. But through it all It has also helped me understand what people should expect in a relationship. Not something that is the ideal written about in books or magazines but a flawed thing where the partners understand each other, give each other space and don’t judge each other by what society tells them their partner should be. On top of that you have to learn to talk to each other very openly, and for a person who comes from a ‘man up’ family background and ‘keep it to yourself’ this very very difficult and will always be a work in progress.
  6. Understanding Sexuality and Gender – we all get caught up in the questions of who we are and why are we like we are. The great thing that dressing has allowed me is to accept all aspects of humanity and make me realise that to put anyone, including myself into a specific box is completely wrong. We are similar but different. Also to see sexuality as purely Hetero or Gay is also a load of bollocks. Its a continuum that we move up and down throughout at all times all of our lives. We all change according to situation, needs circumstances, appeal and most of all mindset. I appreciate that there is a biological male and female but few talk about what the mindset of a male and female is because its not so cut and dried. I have never regarded myself as Female but have a huge feminine aspect to my personality. I love the softer aspect it brings and the more flamboyant nature of exhibiting myself in ‘alternative’ look. I love the whole aspect of gender play from dressing to mindset it brings with it so many diverse options.
  7. Flirting – OK we are not meant to talk about this taboo subject but these are different times. so sod it. Yes I love the whole sexy aspect of dressing. I say to my girlfriend that I get this wonderful internal buzz from dressing that I never have in male mode and it makes me a bit flirty. In my early days this took me down some dark roads never to be walked again. But this is all part of a voyage of self-discovery. My girlfriend says it like when she was a 17 year old where everything is new and life’s opportunities open up. Things have to be explored, including far too short skirts! But flirting is such a great game, it no longer leads to a Home Run (not even base 1) but it s a great little sport that almost every Tranny enjoys. Treat it as a sport though not a way to bed. You get appreciation for how you look from women, admirers and other Trannies, we all crave a bit of that. I particularly appreciate those from women who know how long the look took me to do. Then a conversation is built on banter and sexual undertones and that creates a charged frisson in the air. Gives one a real bounce at the end of the night. But be realistic this is a kind of fantasy existence and it all comes off at midnight so don’t let the fun spoil the comedown! Its such great fun to play with the head, a ‘mind fuck’ but believe me the illusion is so much better than the reality.
  8. The Journey – as with anyone I am jealous of those who those who are just embarking on this wonderful bumpy ride. When I started the internet was in its infancy and we had little knowledge of who was out there and what they were doing. It was all too focused on sex and not the fun of what we do. The two aspects got too muddled. Now its more mainstream its not quite as ‘naughty’ as it was and is therefore more acceptable. Today information abounds and the help we can get is incredible. But the real fun is how you develop your Tranny side from dreadful make up and underwear to the beautiful phoenix that arises from so many appalling bonfire. We learn we improve we move on. This voyage of self-discovery is not all pluses, it cost me a marriage , a destruction of trust, times of shame and occasional regret. But it has also brought a greater recognition of myself, some mad sexy evenings, a better appreciation of life and finally much greater inner calm.
  9. Understanding Me Better (though not totally) – part of the fun of writing these blogs has been coming to terms with who I am rather than the person society made me become. There are various things that mold you such as age, circumstances, life changes etc. But there are also innate things within you that have as strong a hold on your person. I have realised I have two strong personas in me. The Boy/Man who has a strong, rational, planner mentality (quite OCD) and the counterbalance creative, mad OTT femme side. I think this just creates the balance that we obviously need the Yin and Yang of life. I sense that those that don’t have this balance will be quite stressed a lot of the time. Women probably have this more than men as they may feel less compelled to fit into a very restrictive mold that is given to them by their biological peers. I think we could write a bloody thesis on this subject. Suffice to say by understanding the two sides of my nature I think I am a more complete person, though I doubt my girlfriend would say that when the grumpy controlling autocrat is out!
  10. Society Has Changed For The Better – For all the faults we see in today’s society and the rose tinted older people who say ‘it was better in my day’, today s society is a much, much more tolerant, benevolent place than it was when I first started dressing. Yes there is still prejudice and wrong assumptions about, but it is far, far less than it was believe me. People, particularly the young are receptive and tolerant of other people’s quirks, as society fragments into more and more smaller tribes and groups so the ‘oddball’ is accepted and largely encouraged. I do however worry about today’s liberal left ‘Woke’ generation that is now blocking expression unless it conforms to what they think. In its turn this will come to haunt us. For the moment thank you to society…in general!

    OK Its Girls But The Thinking is there

I think this is just a starter for what has been a fantastical and fraught ride and that I will update this blog as I think up the many  new positives. I am sure for the vast majority of you who are in the closet hiding this dark secret from others this will be an incredibly frustrating time. But the reality for most of us that we are all finding it frustrating not being able to show the word the other side.
Keep your distance keep safe and see you on the other side
Tara XXX

You are not thinking clearly

We have a tendency to overthink many of our so called ‘problems’ related to Transvestism. In particular the idea that on every corner of every street there is someone who will ‘clock’ you in femme mode and you will be exposed to the world for the pervert you are and your whole life will be ruined. The chances are so slight. You are also wrong on 4 premises. One that people are actively looking to spot a Tranny, two you have made no effort to dress and are just a bearded bloke in a dress hence are totally reconisable, three that there are people in the vicinity that know you and four they want to make your life miserable by going behind your back!
My girlfriend who, as you know, runs the  Chateau Femme dressing service says she sees it on a daily basis. The T’s who come to see her are at times paranoid about being discovered. Frightened of photographs, a smudge on their collar or eyeliner left after the event and petrified someone is going to jump out of a wardrobe and photograph them inflagrante delicto. Though I can understand they have some worries, as I did in the early stages, some do become so frozen by their worries they cannot enjoy the moment and life becomes even more stressful. If you make the decision to do it let the fear go.
In my experience I have never, yet, been discovered in the flesh, or not to my knowledge or chagrin. And to be honest I don’t care as much as I did 20 years ago as its much more acceptable these days. If somebody spots us they tend to miscast as a TS and are worried the liberal left ‘wokes’ will view them as anti-Trans so say nothing! Such a weird society we live in!
I must say however that despite this whole tolerant, politically correct society you still have to accept that you are an aberration from ‘the norm’ and long may we be so. Embrace the naughty (OK femme) side, but beware that in some cases we tend to over or under estimate the consequences.
So lets look at the two aspects as to how we tend to over or under think things relating to Transvestism:
OverThinking
  • You are going to be discovered if you post a pic on-line – as I say to everyone if you post a pic or are part of a group pic then this is going to be broadcast into the webosphere forever. Once its gone its registered, however your chances of being recognised in your male persona are pretty close to zero. Though with Face Recognition technology improving rapidly this may become more frequent in the future. But then someone has to be quite malicious to want to do this. If you want to bugger up the technology make a minor alteration to you r face using some of the ‘beautifying’ apps such as Portrait Pro and Adobe Photoshop and if its discovered in 10 years who will care. Just take a look at all the before and after shots of Trannies and the difference is quite considerable if they go to great efforts to make-up, do the same.
  • You are going to be recognised when you are out – look at the pictures of girls pre and post transformation again, they are pretty unrecognisable even when the 2 pics are up against each other. Yes you will be seen as a TV/TS but beyond that few people stare. Look at how you look at others in a public place, we don’t look at the detail we look at generalities. That being said if you are wearing a long pink wig, a PVC mini-skirt and 6 inch stilettos then you will attract a more than cursory glance. But then if you are doing that then I think that is what you want anyway. Most of us have realised that the bulk of people of people are just getting on with their life and more interested in themselves and their social media circle to really worry who you are and what you are doing. Yes some places are tolerant others less so. The rule is to think why you should go to a particular place or not.
  • You are going to attract derision from ‘the lads and ladettes’ when you are out – I talked to 10 of my friends about this and we worked out we had been out over 2000 times and in that period we could only recall 10-12 times (4 were women orientated)  when we had had a problem, normally due to excess alcohol. In general we found we were accepted as an oddball making a bit of a statement and the vast majority of people were interested in why we were as we were. So if you stay away from late night bars with drunks then you are safe as houses
  • People think you are Gay because you dress – yes there are a lot of TV’s who exhibit bi-sexual tendencies when dressed and yet have none of these desires when in boy mode. I have always maintained we live on a gender and sexuality continuum and we move up and down it from male to female and heterosexual to gay. There are too many boxes and we are fluid according to our situation. We all have varying and different aspects to our personality. Most also like naughty oddball sexual encounters. It just means we don’t want to be judged by a conformist strict code set by an intolerant left leaning liberal Twitterati. People tend to generalise in their minds so its for you to persuade them otherwise, unless that’s your bag! Live life and don’t let others set your agenda, you only have one and believe me it is a short one! Less than 6% of men are out and gay and less than 1% are ‘out’ Transvestites, so get people to do the math. Remind them why you like to dress and what it does to you, after that its over to how they accept you.
  • Dressing Service and Mistresses will publish your details all over the internet – as my girlfriend says if she was to publish anything on the internet without peoples approval her business would be dead in 6 months. Same applies to anybody in the Personal Services business. Their business relies on discretion and their peers will be furious should any of them break that code of honour.

    Be objective not subjective

    Yes there are a few in the Sunday Papers who take the money to kiss and tell, but that is for celebrities, those people want their 15 mins of fame and are soon forgotten. The vast majority of them are just decent honest working people who have identified their niche in the market to make money. Most genuinely like Trannies and find them mildly exotic. Some are rip-off because they are not really into the business, just want to make a quick buck, and thought this was a way to easy riches. Both they and the customers soon find out it is not. It never ceases to amaze me how many genuinely nice women are in this very, very stressful business and still remain very kind. Remember it is they that have to open the door to a maniac like you!!
  • You do not pass so people will laugh at you – confidence is the key to this. Not every woman is your ideal beauty but there are so many whose personality transcends any mild weaknesses in their hair, make up or dress sense that makes just a great person to be with. That is so much more than being the perfectionist that looks immaculate but that just sits in the corner and contributes nothing else to the party. Part of the fun of being out is mixing and getting people’s attention and embracing all aspects of your femme side. If this frightens you just stay at home on your own…NOT!
  • Fear Is the road block – I covered this in my FEAR article a couple of years ago. The fact is that fear paralyzes rational thinking, action and fun.  Overthinking situations leads to compounding this fear Yes I think a tiny bit of healthy fear is right as it keeps us awake and alive to any potential threats, it makes the moment more exciting. Just ask yourself what the most realistic outcome will be, then get on with it!
Under Thinking
  • If you have hidden it for many years from your partner it will be better for you when its out – thinking that telling your partner about your femme side might take a load of stress off you, but it dumps everything on your partner. This however is not about stress but about trust or the destruction of it, the essence of a good relationship after openness. If you look at my previous posts on coming out its probably going to be a lonelier life. The problem is not the dressing but the fact you have hidden it for so long and the trust between you built up over the years is blown and in a very, very short space of time you will have turned their world upside down. They in turn will tend to overthink things. You will be listed as a liar and a cheat who is Gay and is playing away all the time. Many partners find it hard to come to terms with the fact that there is a very different person sitting in front of them who was not part of the original package and they think their old life has gone West, especially if the friends and family find out. Think and plan very clearly if you are going down this route, there are enough books and articles to read on it before you do such a thing
  • Once you are out it will be easier – its probably a great stress buster getting out and enjoying being a Tranny in wider society but there is still a lot of stigma attached to the whole crossdressing thing. Many people don’t get it and as happens when people have no comprehension they immediately put the worst connotations against it. Yes they will say you look great you are a fantastic dresser but in reality you have to persuade them that you are not a threat to society nor will you murder their children in their beds. You will encounter prejudice because you do not conform to the intolerant liberals who are starting to control our lives and denounce individualism in return for the so called betterment of an ethnocentric society in general.
  • Relationships will be easy if your partner meets your femme side – As I said in my article about relationships the other side our femme side brings out another personality from within us. In the majority of cases I have seen this is a softer more relaxed person that is distinct from the boy side. This may be fine for you but your other half has to be able to cope with the ‘other person’ in your relationship. One minute they have a stronger man planning ahead, making decisions and being fairly direct with them, the next they have a person who is laid back living in the moment not really worrying about what is to come. You are forcing them to adapt and that is not what they bargained for when you first met! Its so much better to meet the T-Girl earlier on and find out what you have in common. The reality is you have to go very slowly. You want to show here because you have been doing it for so long she is still in shock and wants no more. She will say yes I would love to meet X but you have to let her determine the time and place when she is the right frame of mind. She has to be a very strong minded open woman so do not push it. I have seen it so many times the Tranny is so desperate to show their partner their femme side its like being picked up by a person you know has had no fun for ages and just wants an encounter. Your mind says not today thanks.

    Therefore I am a Tranny

  • Its a passing phase that I will grow out of – Not in my experience. The desire to dress waxes and wanes from time to time but in my experience it is there at the back of the mind. I remember my father giving up smoking at 60 because of thrombosis and when he was 84 he said that never a day went by without him thinking of it. But he was strong willed enough not to do it. I have gone for long periods without dressing but it has been an ever present, especially times of loneliness and stress its great therapy.
    The intense feelings it sums up are things I miss and I always seem to come back to. For those who use it as a coping strategy in down times it can lie dormant when the problems go away, only to return when pressure returns or when it is substituted for something else! For others its a great kink for when vanilla life becomes too boring vanilla life,  I have friends who, when they don’t have a girlfriend, use it as a substitute for sex and when they find a new relationship it recedes to the back of their mind only to return when times get a bit tougher or life needs some new challenges! For very few its a constant as we battle, no too strong, PLAY between the male and femme sides of our personality. Embrace it and don’t feel too guilty about it.
  • Age will wither it – No again sorry but so many TV’s actually find themselves in their 60’s and 70’s as their life circumstances allow the closet TV to come out. Its such a strong form of expression that it persists into very old age! Some have suppressed these feelings for so long because of their relationships and family, when these no longer apply they embrace theses aspects. The bulk accept that this is how they are and the majority always always regret not having done it earlier, but accept life is about choices.
I am sure there are hundreds of other ways we can look at why we over or under think things. The fact is that the way to view it is if it does not hurt another person then stop thinking too much. If another person is involved then think hard before you take any steps
TaraXXX
A Tranny is never satisfied. They constantly want to challenge themselves and others. They get a real kick out of overt expression and the challenges it brings.

It is great to watch the TVs that come and go at my girlfriends dressing service Chateau Femme. The newbies are grateful just to be out, the regulars always want something new, a constant challenge. In both cases they want something different to their normal (drab?) daily life. An escape to express another side of their personality. A little bit shorter, a little tighter, showing more skin, maybe PVC or leather, going out, some interplay…the list goes on and on  They get a thrill from being taken out of their comfort zone and gain delight from nbeing different.

Young beautiful business woman with speech bubble thinking about something. Girl with glasses the European type on background of pop art style

This also applies to going out as well. I have been on jaunts with various groups on a regular basis over the years but to be honest got rather tired of the same old chat round a table in a restaurant then onto a club where the music was so deafening and I could not make good conversation, and I had to accompany the smokers outside (me being a non-smoker). I just got bored of it and myself wanted something different. This is after all a hobby that I like to push forward and develop.Not stand still, which in the heels I wear is not easy I can assure you!
It was nothing new or special, just the same old thing. I needed a challenge somewhere new to discover and show off. ABBA nights, Rocky Horror shows, Torture Garden and Drag nights. These are an extension of the ‘fun’ aspect of Tara, a further walk on the wild side, never wanting to standstill and say yep that’s it. I found myself exploring new dressing avenues such as drag, goth and rubber/PVC. I was trying new venues, new events and new situation. Just pushing the boundaries a bit at a time. I was/am the classic TV that needs to express themselves and dreads the thought that I just have to settle for the way things are. And of course it feeds the biggest sex organ of all. The mind.
How many Trannies reading this blog have worn a dress maybe 2 times then said been there done it need a new one, its a new event its a different situation I need to express myself in a different outfit, if you have the money. How many of us have T wardrobes larger than our male ones. But then again there are so many more options and don’t even talk about shoes. I said don’t talk about shoes!
I mentioned in previous blogs that I see TS’s as trying to fit in and tending to downplay their dress. TVs on the other hand like, sorry love, to show off. Sometimes within the confines of a club but also at other times in public. They seem to get a thrill out of challenging people’s perceptions, making them feel slightly awkward. They get some obtuse pleasure out of making people feel uncomfortable because they are doing something that is outside the accepted norm but it feed their ‘show off’ mentality.
I think this all stems from the original premise that so many TVs got such a buzz in the early days of doing something that was a bit naughty and that in order to continue this buzz they have to constantly have a new fix to regain that feeling. Something that continues to be a bit mischevious. This is fine as long as it doesn’t move from being odd ball to offensive. Some however do overstep the mark. This is particularly relevant in today’s society which is much more open and accepting of different lifestyles than in my early days. Yesterdays naughty is today’s norm so the Tranny has to be even more showy in order to stand out and that is maybe where it gets out of hand. Worse it dismisses other peoples sensibilities. Like the comedian who makes you feel a little awkward but then goes on to be downright rude. There are limits girls!
It starts in the early years with the basic dressing just the fact that a Tranny puts on some form of female apparel stirs feelings within, yes I know they can be classed as sexual, but I think that may be a bit misguided I think its just more sexy. It feeds a need to be interesting and exciting. From there comes makeup, shaving body hair and prosthetics. Then the urge to get out and show the world comes along. Some can do this others have a family life where the problems of being discovered would cause immeasurable damage so they stay at home..frustrated.
So the dressing service provides a very good intermediate stage. Here they can find a style that suits them and start to learn about themselves and meet others in private where they can talk to empathetic people who relate to their lifestyle. All the time the inner buzz is being sated by the demon dressing and all the time there is a desire to push it just that bit more.
What about going out on your own? What about a sexual encounter? What about a Mistress experience? Could I dress up as a maid? Should I put a video online? Maybe Adultwork? So many options just to push things just that little bit more. Some find their perfect place others continue to expand their options. I have not yet forund the end and am glad I haven’t the challenge is part of the fun.
Think of something new darling!How is this going to end? Well firstly you will try many that are dead ends, been there done it got the (tight fitting t-shirt), but not for me. Others are a rabbit hole you know you shouldn’t go down but you have to feel how far you can take it. Some of us have the sense of purpose to realise things have gone far enough others do not until they end up in a place they should never have been, but what a ride. At this point you take stock have some time off to reappraise what it has all been about. Then on you go to the next challenge. Whoopee! So it doesn’t end, however it coomes and goes in waves and sometimes you take a step back to appraise things
I have had something like that over the last few months ago. I realised because I had so much free time (semi-retired) I was trying an oddball augmented reality that was not really me. I saw that the Tranny thing was becoming far too absorbing, principally because I was a classic male who had to be occupied by something. I was buying endless amounts of shoes and clothes, spending too much time on-line looking at videos on better make up, posture and clothes. Sitting on Twitter, Facebook and the like as if it was reality. If we were gong to have a night out I needed a new outfit (despite already having so many clothes). I would plan the night 7 days in advance. I could do little on impulse as I needed the buzz of the build up in planning the outing. It was becoming time consuming and it needed a reality check.
I also saw it in others who were almost restraining themselves from turning fantasies into reality. They would talk incessantly about the next steps. A meeting with another Tranny, a strap-on, maid service, pvc and leather, bondage etc. etc. etc. They were also online all the time and it was becoming all pervasive in their lives. Its a hobby, but like the golfer who plays 5 days a week, talks golf, watches it on TV and is a constant at the Golf Club bar taking golf again it needs reining back! It was becoming more than a fun pastime for me, more an obsession.
Then one day after a serious discussion with her ladyship I took a step back and said STOP! Probably a bit like an alcoholic realising that this is having an adverse effect on their life and partner. I stepped back from public life except from an occasional outing and confined dressings to home. Slowly over the last 18 months I have got out bit by bit, but it is no longer a person who wants to push limits. It is now a Tara who has come to terms with herself. The wardrobe has reduced (size 14/16 and size 8 shoes abound at Chateau Femme for anyone visiting), I limit my visits on social media and find other interests. Anyone for…
Tara has not gone away. She still dresses in tight fitting clothes and skirts that are probably a bit too short and high heels but it is a more measured approach and the strong desire to push boundaries seems to have abated, for the moment. I no longer worry if I miss out on going out as the group Susies Angels will attest. I notice that more recently things are more balanced despite the mayhem of new girls arriving at the dressing service to push boundaries continues apace! Only time will tell where the next experience will come from so watch this space.
Tara XXX
I am fed up with people putting me down because I call myself a Transvestite or a Tranny which many see as a rather vulgar and demeaning word. It’s not. This in my opinion shows they lack the understanding of the words their heritage and how our TS sisters on the other side of the pond, in particular, have come to bastardise their meaning due to their own misuse of the vernacular in pursuit of a very different agenda to our own.
The dictionary defines a Transvestite as a crossdresser, someone who wears clothing from the opposite sex for psychological reasons. Then some definitions (particularly American) add the line ‘for sexual gratification’. It may be all of these it may be some but the reality is that its a catchall for trying to simplify something that is not simple, which I hope I have demonstrated in these blogs. Its wrong and lacks an understanding of where the words came from and how they have come to be used or is that abused.Angry Woman. Furious Girl. Negative Emotions. Bad Days. Bad Mood
Let us look at the history. Transvestism wasn’t really coined as a term before 1911 and the word has gone through several changes since originally being for a medical disorder, or the sexual interest in crossdressing also known as transvestic fetishism. The word crossdresser did not originate until the 1970’s but the fact that some of these people linked dressing to erotic fantasies meant that Transvestites got a bad name for themselves. Seeing a 6 foot, 90kg bloke in short leopard print dresses unable to walk in high heels and a cheap wig did not help!
As a result, particularly in the USA, calling someone a Tranny or Transvestite was used as a derogatory term. It also got messed up with all the other Trans (Transsexual, Transgender) groups where anybody with a ‘trans something’ in front of them was called a Tranny. They lumped us all together to start with. The Transgendered community in particular hated being associated with ‘dressing’ and its sexual (not gender) elements and set about degrading it for their own purposes as it was not what they were about.
On top of this the multitude of definitions in the last few years has blossomed to become so mixed up particularly with the growth of Transgender and Transsexual identities that we have been incorporated into a smaller group in which we do not belong.
Amongst all of this the Transvestite and Crossdressing activities have been relatively subsumed and deemed irrelevant to the TS’s which queers their pitch as society wakes up to this intersex debate. Transgendered people are fighting for their identity which is highly laudable but not at the expense of being downright insulting to a strand that in actual fact is a much, much bigger percentage of the population. Trannies are looking for a form of expression for their personality leave them alone.
The problem is that we Transvestites are not part of this group we don’t want to be full-time women. In fact it was the TS community that were wrongly labeled with the word Tranny which belongs to our group. Our issue is more an identity issue not a gender thing. To make matters even worse, in my experience, is that our group outings give transsexuals an early solace for them to express their identity only for us to discarded with relative venom as they realise they are different. How many times have I been told by a TS who I have nurtured but you are not a woman ‘I am’ . You are bloody right I am a Tranny and stop bastardising my definition just because it doesn’t suit you. Get your own vernacular and leave ours alone! You may have gender dysphoria but we embrace the femme side of life alongside our male side. Nicely balanced!
Basic RGBSo now let’s try to define ourselves to the world as clearly as we can. In this way we should become more acceptable and palatable to a wider consensus who currently see what we do as more of a perversion (well the over 40’s do!). I believe that for the majority of us dressing or crossdressing in whatever form releases another aspect of our personality. Yes it could have a sexual element (is that really so bad?) but the true part it allows is the release of the feminine side of our mindset as a counterbalance to a male role that we have been conditioned to be by society. Roles for us are too strict we need broader acceptance.
I am of course going to immediately argue that the definition is still to simple as so many Tv’s say to me there is more than one side to my Tranny personality and the style of dress I adopt releases a particular aspect of their persona which is hidden. Dressing is that trigger for an inner self that lies hidden. Yes I may dress in a shorter skirt today because I feel sexy. Tomorrow it will be a longer dress because I feel classy and the next day its a simple set of jeans and boots because I feel incredibly relaxed when wearing them. It’s a great switch off mechanism.
I am going to stop there and let the debate begin because this is getting into the realms of an essay for the British Psychological Journal. I want to help people understand themselves not bore them to death like a Wagner Opera! Oops now pissing off the opera buffs as well!
All I want to do is establish that being a Transvestite is a good thing for both the Tranny and those around them. They tend to be soft creatures much less outspoken and more accepting than their TS counterparts. Their time is spent in sexy contemplation of being able to release the femme aspect of their personality. They love to indulge in the fun aspects of their life that they can’t do with the lads who have a very different mindset.
So please allow us to own the words Transvestite and Tranny and don’t denigrate them to match your personal and political machinations. We Trannies need our identifying marks as well. We are the silent majority that just gets on with being ourselves. As they say you never really win an argument by being rude about others xxx

It is wonderful to see the huge explosion in the numbers of Trannies coming out in the last few years. The public ‘general’ acceptance of us has grown and the blossoming of the ‘Femme’ side has been exponential. But for the vast numbers (greatest number) of closet dwellers this is a threshold that is very very hard to pass. I would think that the majority of closet dwellers would like to go out at least once but so many barriers get in their way. This article intends to analyse this situation not find a solution for getting past that block. I am not a psychologist! Psycho yes Psychologist no!

In the closet

Is This The Place To Hide?

Breaking the ‘home’ boundary has one specific trait that most (not all) TV’s want. To be able to get out to show themselves off  and get some form of acknowledgement at least once. For many this is a very strong drive. However there is a serious barrier to this called FEAR.
A fear of being discovered, a fear of what people will think, a fear of ridicule, a fear of doing something that is not really acceptable, a fear you might be gay, a fear of what might happen, a fear you will not pass, a fear of being unable to present yourself in a feminine manner, a fear of how to conduct yourself, a fear of which loo to visit etc etc etc. These fears build many many layers in the mind in such a way as to paralyse your actions and stop you being …well you! Every positive thought is immediately matched by the bigger negative consequence. The easy option is to accept this paralysis of fear and not do anything. And lets get real being a TV (as opposed to a TS) is probably the last big ‘unreal’ its taboo left that today’s so PC society, in general, does not have to accept. That and being a Morris Dancer!
As many know my partner runs a dressing service called Chateau Femme and she sees it on an everyday basis. So many of her clients bottle out at the very last minute. Some will sit outside her house and literally shake with fear and then drive off unable to break the fear. Others don’t even call to cancel normally when a sort of shame overcomes them, leaving them frustrated and her significantly out of pocket. Ironically many then show contrition and book again and cancel again. Its a cycle many find hard to break. The mind plays awful tricks. I have spoken to a lot of girls who say they have spent hours looking through dressing service websites looking for the right one then finally picking up the phone or booking online only to let the fears stop them going any further.
My partner knows how fear can get into the mind, but also knows that when they finally dare to cross that Rubicon the immense sense relaxation and satisfaction they get from releasing the girl inside outweighs all those irrational fears. From there they are then desperate to get out in public, but boy (or should that be girl) is that an even bigger step.
David Burns in his book Feeling Good talks about how fear and guilt combine to create anxiety in the mind that stops you being objective about situations and stops you doing things for your well being.  I myself can remember on my first few dressings I wondered would someone burst into the room take pictures and then blackmail me with them? Was I being secretly filmed for the pictures to be used against me?  When I first went out in public I worried what if someone I know will be there. The fear of dressing at home and what would happen if anyone came home and yet I still did it. The drive was too strong. Most of these fears are irrational but I probably got a kick out of the fact I was doing something naughty and most men do like to take certain risks.
The mind plays tricks with you. It tries to focus on the worst possible scenario. It has a natural flight mode built into it when even the most simple situations arrive in relation to dressing. Something of the old caveman always being scared that a wild animal might attack him has built this ‘run’ mentality into our souls. Nowadays its more a case of how Society might attack him. Well if you want to play safe then stick with the closet and read no further. But if you want more perspective read on.
So lets take a look at this in a more objective light. Rather than looking at what is the worst scenario look at what is the likely outcome. The point is to reduce the risk level to reduce the fear quotient. If you go out in your local pub dressed and you are the only Tranny in the bar then it is more likely  for you to be ‘discovered’ than if you are at the BNO TV party at Pink Punters Disco on the second Friday of every month. You wont stand out and your friends will not be there. If you dress at home you or your clothes are more likely to be discovered by prying eyes searching through the loft or garage. If you spend too much time away from home you will arouse suspicions. The chances of you meeting a friend at a Tranny function are pretty much zero  (only about 1 in 80 Trannys are out) especially as you will both be dressed.

The more you dress in a risqué manner the more attention you will attract. If you think that nobody will recognise you then the chances of that getting back to home are even slimmer. Yes you will be clocked as a Tranny but in my experience the worst that can happen is someone asking ‘are you a guy’ to which I answer ‘no a Tranny and I am hetero’ just to answer two questions in one. I can go on and on about these scenarios but they are pretty obvious. You just let the unrealistic fear get in the way.

Think Of How You Will Display Yourself

As to the concerns about other third parties relax. Reputable dressing services, mistresses, escorts and private events will not publish any information about you because as soon as this becomes known on the internet they are toast. They have a reputation to protect and if someone indicates that they have broken that trust then that will be it for them and that is their livelihood.  Other Trannies will not know your real name so have little or no chance of identifying your male self. In any case most Trannies are in the same zone as you and to be honest are only interested in themselves and the short bit of fun they can have in femme mode. You are just part of the scenery unless you do something inappropriate!
As for women the majority that I have met are very interested in a man who likes to dress, they are totally supportive and are always the first to compliment you. (Other Trannies won’t as they are too into themselves, so don’t ask them if you look good!). However do not misconstrue this interest in you from a woman’s perspective as an interest to go out with you. Women quite like the oddball exotic nature of the Tranny but for the majority of them this is a step too far in what in any case  is always a very complicated relationship with the ‘Third Person’. If Men are from Mars Women From Venus then TV’s come from Alpha Centauri!
So for Gods sake stop worrying about what might happen take a dose of realism. What is more important is to think of the consequences of when you do step out of that dark wardrobe. Particularly on the home front. Hah I reduce one fear and put another one in their place. But this is realistic.

Whist being out is such fun you have to realise that the more you get into Trannying the more the chances of you having a meeting or incident will be. I remember the first time I met a man I knew, when dressed as Tara, after about 20 outings, I nearly crapped myself. But there was no way out and I had to front up. I talked to him but he did not recognise me at all, or at least showed no hint of recognition. The disguise was too good. Since then of course it has not bothered me, well not too much, as you still have to mindful of the drunken oik who wants to show off to

Be Yourself For A Little While

his mates how clever he can be by having a go at the Tranny in the corner minding her own business.

But on the family front this is a completely different matter. The more you do this the more you will start to hide things. More time away from home will arouse suspicion. The more chances of you making a mistake. You will become a little more reticent to opening up as to what you are doing. The more you will tell lies and the more your self-esteem will suffer. As you know you will be breaking the trust of your relationship. You will start to feel a fraud in your own home hiding this quite basic urge. You can suppress it but rarely can you give it up. Its an itch that has to be scratched and the more frequent your visits to the femme side the more it becomes the norm and the more opportunities to be caught out.
I would say that 90% of Trannys have been caught out in one form or another and in particular if its by their partner it does not tend to end well. Core to all of this is the break in trust and then what the neighbours will think. See my previous posts!
So you have this horrible dilemma. Do you go with the desire to let the girl out and become paranoid with all the fears this raises or do you suppress the need and deal with the resultant frustration that arises
I have alluded in past posts to the many reasons why I think we dress but in essence I consider it boils down to two basic factors. Either we are missing something in our lives and this is a coping strategy or we have an inner desire to let the feminine side of our persona out to balance the male macho face. OK I know there are lots of other reasons but these two from my experience are the most dominant.
How many men have I seen who do not have a significant other relationship using Trannying as an outlet. How many have I seen that when in girl mode their personality changes dramatically. This is soooo liberating so000 relaxing and soooo allows us to live for ourselves, so in the moment, so just plain self-centred. But its very selfish, very personal and a relationship destroyer for the majority of us. We can’t explain why we do it so how the hell can others accept it! God what a nightmare of fears and emotions this gives way to!
Now you had better go and find that shrink!! XXX
So you are a TV who is trying to understand why you are as you are? You are also trying to explain to others who you are. You need a glossary of terms to help. But first you need to identify what ‘box’ you fit into and from there seek others of a similar persuasion. My first reaction to this is don’t bother! I have met so many Trannies over the years and I can honestly say I can rarely find two that are so very alike they form a perfect category. Just like how we move from Boy to Girl mode so our reasons for dressing are very fluid. However I do see some similarities between all of us:
  • Firstly we like the freedom and sense of identity we achieve from letting the girl out. suddenly the grey man gets noticed for the person they truly are
  • Secondly we achieve a type of nirvana by throwing off the masculine expectations of society and exposing the female side which allows us a form of deep relaxation and satisfaction from balancing our character
  • Thirdly we love the appreciation that we get in the knowledge we have put a lot of effort into this persona. This can be in public or on-line.
  • Finally there is an intense form of excitement derived from the fact that we can approach life in a new and fresh manner when we dress.
I aimg_2894m worried in these posts that I may be going over old ground and at risk of repeating myself, however whenever I am out with ‘Les Filles’  (sorry I have a problem with the terms girls, women and she, just not me!) the overriding topic of discussion is about what drives us to do this and how we feel about it. Probably it’s the male side essentially trying to solve a problem which in order to do so needs have a profound understanding of why a particular action occurs. We do like to find solutions and gain better understanding don’t we!
So first we have to look at the myriad of definitions for ‘Trans’ beings exist, at least in order to talk in a coherent manner. In my research it was quite funny how the words Transvestite and Crossdresser were considered old and derogatory terms. It feels as I said in my last post like we are being marginalised and that we almost offend the Ttans groups by blurring the pitch!
Thee are so many definitions about the Trans world (the BBC has a simple one) but I would like to try to give you my best understanding of the key segregators relating to us and I defer the Berkeley College offering with a few changes to suit my own understandings
Agender – A person who is internally ungendered or does not have a felt sense of gender identity.
Androgynous  – A person appearing and/or identifying as neither man nor woman, presenting a gender either mixed or neutral.
Asexual – A person who is not sexually attracted to any gender.
Bigender – A person whose gender identity is a combination of man and woman
Bisexuality – A person who is attracted to two sexes or two genders, but not necessarily simultaneously or equally. This used to be defined as a person who is attracted to both genders or both sexes, but since there are not only two sexes (see intersex and transsexual) and there are not only two genders (see transgender), this definition is inaccurate.
Cisgender – A person who by nature or by choice conforms to gender/sex based expectations of society (also referred to as “Gender-straight” or “Gender Normative”)
Crossdresser – Someone who wears certain items of clothing (not fully made up) associated with another gender for part of the time.
Drag – The act of dressing in gendered clothing and adopting gendered behaviours as part of a performance, most often clothing and behaviours typically not associated with your gender identity. Drag Queens perform femininity theatrically. Drag Kings perform masculinity theatrically.
Gender Fluid – A person whose gender identification and presentation shifts, whether within or outside of societal, gender-based expectations.
Genderfuck – The idea of playing with “gender cues” to purposely confuse “standard” or stereotypical gender expressions, usually through clothing
Genderqueer – A person whose gender identity is neither man nor woman, is between or beyond genders, or is some combination of genders. This identity is usually related to or in reaction to the social construction of gender, gender stereotypes and the gender binary system. Some genderequeer people identify under the transgender umbrella while others do not.
Heterosexuality – Sexual, emotional, and/or romantic attraction to a sex other than your own. Commonly thought of as “attraction to the opposite sex” but since there are not only two sexes (see “Intersex” and “Transsexual”), this definition is inaccurate.
Homosexuality – Sexual, emotional, and/or romantic attraction to the same sex.
Intersex – Intersex is a set of medical conditions that feature congenital anomaly of the reproductive and sexual system. That is, intersex people are born with “sex chromosomes,” external genitalia, or internal reproductive systems that are not considered “standard” for either male or female. The existence of intersexuals shows that there are not just two sexes and that our ways of thinking about sex (trying to force everyone to fit into either the male box or the female box) is socially constructed.

Pangender – A person whose gender identity is comprised of all or many gender expressions

Pansexual – A person who is fluid in sexual orientation and/or gender or sex identity.
She-Male – An *offensive term* used to refer to MTF trans individuals by the sex/porn industries to objectify, exotify and eroticize the trans body
Transgender –  people are those whose psychological self (“gender identity”) differs from the social expectations for the physical sex they were born with. To understand this, one must understand the difference between biological sex, which is one’s body (genitals, chromosomes, etc.), and social gender, which refers to levels of masculinity and femininity. Often, society conflates sex and gender, viewing them as the same thing. But, gender and sex are not the same thing.Transgender people are those whose psychological self (“gender identity”) differs from the social expectations for the physical sex they were born with.
Transsexual – Refers to a person who experiences a mismatch of the sex they were born as and the sex they identify as. A transsexual sometimes undergoes medical treatment to change his/her physical sex to match his/her sex identity through hormone treatments and/or surgically. Not all transsexuals can have or desire surgery.
Transvestite – Individuals who regularly or occasionally wear the clothing and make-up socially assigned to a gender not their own, but are usually comfortable with their anatomy and do not wish to change it (i.e. they are not transsexuals). ursula1
Funny how we came last on the list! Of course when you come to the Transvestite community I believe there are always further subsets, just nobody has got round to looking at them. From my experience there however There are 6/7 key traits that exist. They are not categories and not mutually exclusive just strong drives that dominate many of our dressing sessions to a greater or lesser extent.
  • The Mirror Transvestite – this is the TV who just loves the look that they create principally for themselves. They focus for hours on getting ‘the’ look that is just right for them. It may be the same every day or different another day but something triggers it and the inherent perfectionism in them makes them want to get it just right. If you are a social event these girls will be late because it just has to be right. They come out principally to be appreciated for what they have done.
  • The Social Transvestite – are TV’s who enjoy dressing and being out in a very vanilla environment, particularly during the day. They get a real buzz from being noticed by the general public some because they liek the fact the are creating a bit of a stir and others because it means an element of acceptance
  • The Thrill Seeking Transvestite – these Trannies like to gou out to more fun environment, particularly at night where they can dress in a racier manner and play fun and games with the locals be it in bars clubs or parties. Its not of a sexual nature but being sexy is a vital buzz for them. They have to be seen and appreciated and dress accordingly
  • The Sexual Transvestite – are the ones who want to dress and play. They may be Gay or the act of dressing brings an element of ambiguity to their sexuality but ultimately the want a sexual encounter at some stage in the proceedings
  • The Balanced Transvestite – this babe wants it all! They bring in all the elements. A complete time dressing in front of the mirror, out during the day, party at night and then maybe a romantic interlude. Deny them any part of the experience and the feel unfulfilled.
  • The Quick Fix Transvestite – mainly for the closet TV’s, normally done at home this is the one who needs just an hour or two to let the girl out purely to relax and calm down. For these its a coping mechanism probably whilst the partner is out that sates the beast within but not for long!
  • The ME Transvestite – the one who wants to talk about themselves to understand why they are like thy are and to hog the conversation. WAIT A MINUTE THAT IS ALL OF US!

If you can think of others I will amend this article accordingly, its not fixed in eyelash glue!

OK thats enough from this genderqueer, hetrosexual, thrill seeking transvestite, just hope it gives you a basic lexicon through which you can all chat to one another. XXX
Trannys of the world realise that Transsexuals represent a real threat to your identity. I know it’s an eye catcher but people are getting us so mixed up, but in reality we are worlds apart. This applies even more so in recent months because there has been an explosions of Transgendered stories in the media. The acceptance of the TS had now moved over the Tipping Point. They are now a hot topic, which I am sorry to say we will never be! People such as Caitlin Jenner, Laverne Cox and Kelly Maloney  have all hit the headlines and their bank accounts by coming out and exposing their lives to the assembled media. As a result they can get their story across that says ‘I was born a man but have always wanted to be a woman’. This is an easy concept to grasp and explain, however our Tranny narrative is much much more complicated and difficult to get communicate.two women
How do we explain to people who have never experienced the feelings we get when we are completely transformed for the first time. How can you say to someone it juts feels/felt so right. Its innate to me. I am in a frame of mind that allows a hidden side (my so-called feminine or femme side) to emerge and I feel so calm, relaxed and yes, sexy when in this vogue.
Susie my partner who runs the  Chateau Femme dressing service likens it to the times when as a teenager she felt such a transformation of herself when she put on adult clothes, make-up and heels. In effect she was no longer a child. She says she felt so different and sexy. This was part of her becoming a woman. It felt so right to the ‘new woman’. I can identify with some of that but you have to add the layers of sexuality and the complete release from the restricting bonds of maledom for a short period of time are also part of that high.
I have alluded in my previous blogs about sexuality and what it means. In this case it does not mean that you are dressing for erotic purposes, though many do get turned on (this is called Transvestic Fetishism), nor is it about your sexual orientation. What I mean by sexuality is the capacity for you to move down a female route that can blur the male and female sides of our personality. Yes of course we can have sex in girl form but that does not necessarily relate to our inherent gender which to Transvestites tends to be  Male Plus (or should that be Male Minus) and this does change your sexual perspective.
However to say the words ‘sexual perspective’ immediately implies a Tranny has changed their sexual orientation and this is where the understanding of the Tranny goes soooo wrong! Yes I would agree that we become more playful and that our attitude to both sexes is not black and white but inside us is a fun-loving person that somehow, through a different look, is allowed us to approach life in general with a much more open attitude. It is as if somebody took the shackles of the ordinary day folk off us and allowed us to examine and experiment with the whole gamut of experience. We like the blurred lines between male and female but only for a short time.
Because we in effect are  ‘Gender Queer’  and fairly fluid (almost schizophrenic) in our persona it is very difficult for us to be understood or accepted. Society likes to put people into boxes Male and Female. In particular  TS’s even tend to look at TV’s as a lesser being than they are. You are not a real woman like me!  The problem is their issues are with gender but yours relate to a temporary change of mindset and the two are rarely good bedfellows! We queer the pitch for TS’s in what they see as their struggle for acceptance. They feel, with their recent acceptance, that we are now hanging on their coat tails, when in effect there are so many more TV’s than TS’s and they were quite happy to join with us before they gained their own identity. I don’t think we really seek acceptance in the way they do, we are looking for appreciation of how we look, because tomorrow we will be Bob again. Our dressing actually gives us a much stronger personal identity than that grey-haired man in the corner of the pub with the half of lager. We get noticed and we enjoy the acknowledgement and ultimately the fun of pushing this barrier!IMG_0838
Oops just re-read all that and realised its sounding like a psychology degree thesis. What I am trying to say is that it’s not really clear why we dress and where the motivation comes from. Almost every Tranny I know has different reasons for doing and a different route they arrived at dressing. But the one thing most of us have is that from time to time it is an incredibly strong motivating factor in our lives and we are constantly seeking a new experience
As you know I have been a member of several TV groups as well as  seeing the  many TVs that come through Chateau Femme. The vast majority of girls come here because they have an innate want to dress as it releases another side to their persona. Dressing gives them a new lease on life, a different perspective that allows them to be someone different for a short, fun period of time. They love that change of mindset that allows them to look at life from a different sexual perspective. They can relax more, they feel more in tune with themselves by casting off the expectations of society on what a man has to be. Because they are being nonconformist in their nature they do not have to adopt society’s social moires, instead they can be themselves. For some like me they like both the boy and the femme side and endeavour to keep them quite distinct. For others they start to take on more and more of the femme side into the male world and create a type of androgen that allows them have a certain harmony between the two sides.
I am also convinced this desire gets stronger as we age and our testosterone levels decline so a different balance of male and female hormones exist in our bodies. I also maintain as we get older the work/life balance changes, the kids fly the coop, we become more objective about life and don’t worry so much about society thinks. We realise we have been depriving ourselves of something and want to try a new route. So we take stock and realise this is something we have put off that we need to try. For many this embarks them on a roller-coaster ride that is full of fun, anxiety and intense personal analysis. At the end of all this turmoil we tend to come out and say ‘THIS IS ME’ like it or not. To some this acceptance takes many years to others the first time they dress it says everything. From there some do go down the TS route realising that is another layer for them or that purely they just feel better living as a woman instead of the high social pressure of conformity to the male world. For others its just a great bit of fun. TS’s are in turmoil we are party animals.
The TV is a player, a fun lover who just enjoys the pastime of being the girl. In its early stages you can see that teenager who likes to experiment with aspects of their sexuality. It can push you down routes that you may initially see as fun but ultimately realise are not you. There are a lot of dead ends in this voyage of self-discovery.. A TS tends to know where her ultimately goal is. The TV is constantly striving to find out why they are like they are, constantly asking questions, trying new things and exploring infinite possibilities thrown up by the femme side.  For the TS it’s a real-time change they desperately want to be. For the TV its a real buzz to explore new horizons and new experiences, to boldly go….! (By the way that is the most famous split infinitive) It’s a war of two very, very different types of people who appear on the surface to be similar but deep down are worlds apart.480px-A_TransGender-Symbol_Plain3.svg
The worst thing for a TV is that so many TS’s start as a TV or with a TV group only  to disown the ‘girls’ she met as friends because she feels that now they are not genuinely like her and are not part of ‘normal society’  I have seen it on too many occasions and it hurts that people we befriended helped and trusted now kick us in the teeth. We TV’s hate this and feel let down as we helped someone down their path but are now rejected for being freaks or disingenuous. So girls stand up for the TV and make sure you say I am a Transvestite not Transgendered! But our time will never come…hurrah!
How do you tell your partner you are a Tranny? It is so hard to explain what you are feeling and why you are as you are. The first step is to start communication between you. So this is a letter to the partners of Trannys not for you girls. Hopefully it is something you might pass on to your partner or adapt as you see fit for them to read, but only if you agree with it as its only my perspective and something I wish I had had the courage to write many years ago!
Dearest Darling,
I wanted to start this letter with the words I am sorry for being a Transvestite. But that is wrong, it’s not true. What I am sorry for is hiding it from you. For keeping such an intimate and personal thing from you for so long. For the hurt and loss of trust my revealing a deeply felt desire within me has now literally been dumped in your lap. I desperately hope you won’t be appalled by shock of this revelation and would ask you to read this before passing your initial judgement on me and my activities. I just ask you to approach things with an open mind.Partners Discuss
Let it be said first and foremost that I love you dearly and I hope we can get through this awkward time and come out stronger than before with a better understanding of each other, and hopefully a new fun layer to our relationship. I appreciate it has come as a total bombshell and hope it wont result in a knee-jerk reaction without us having time to talk about it.
 I have not suddenly changed overnight but for a variety of reasons have hidden this from you with the misguided thought that it would help both our relationship and our life. I now know this was wrong but it seemed the easiest way. This side of me has been something I have been simultaneously embarrassed to tell you about and something that gives me immense pleasure. It is something that is innate within me and I don’t believe it will go away. So it is something I feel we must address. I have tried over many years  to stop this drive within me with varying degrees of success, but realise this only creates internal stress and I now have come to accept that it is a part of me that cannot be suppressed.
Let me first and foremost say I am not gay and dress to attract members of the male sex. But I also recognise that I am also not 100% heterosexual either. I see these two titles as either end of a continuum and believe that people are rarely at either extreme we are all somewhere along the route. I also believe that there is a gender spectrum and people like me are fairly fluid between the male and female ends. I do not want to become a woman but I do enjoy dressing and acting the part as it addresses a side of my personality that is unfulfilled in male mode.
My personality does change when dressed  but not dramatically. I hope I retain all the things you like about me but within a much more calmer,softer, relaxed person.  I would like you to see my other side if and when you are ready. But you have to decide if and when. I am not pretending it will be easy seeing your partner dressed up in a dress, heels, wig and make-up but I have been doing it for several years and its time for us to discuss the possibilities of this persona being introduced into our lives in some form or other. It’s not a separate person just another aspect of my make up that comes out from time to time. I have hidden it because I know that society does not openly accept people like me, but at the end of the day I know when I am dressed I am a nicer person. I feel freer and feel less restricted by society’s expectations of me.I feel more complete for having dressed for a short time, not all the time!Shock
I am not a crossdresser as these people tend to be fixated on a particular item of clothing, that’s more a fetish like rubber or leather. Nor am I a Transgender person because I do not feel I was born a woman in a man’s body, just somebody who feels through dressing they can express an aspect of themselves that is normally hidden. I get a very strong natural high from my changeover as it seems to release something inside me or allow an aspect of me that is not normally on show.  I dress because I like the headspace that the girl side occupies and get a thrill from switching. I don’t want to dress as a woman all the time more something I can do occasionally, hopefully with you.
I believe society puts us into strict boxes and this is not right as we both have a male and female side (X and Y chromosomes) to a greater or lesser extent. The problem is that we become stereotyped and then have to conform to those norms. The result is unhappy people unable to express themselves as they see fit. We are called an aberration by some as everyone tries top be ‘normal’. This is particularly relevant in men. Women can wear trousers men can’t wear skirts. Why? What is so bad with us dressing up as well?
Why this has come about is very complicated and I am sure I do not fully understand myself but it is a very strong drive within me. I hope we can discuss this as both rational and emotional beings and find a solution to a way forward. There is absolutely no way I want to end our beautiful relationship but I do know  the girl has to come out from time to time, hopefully with your acceptance and approval, and we have to address the issues this raises. I am no oil painting when dressed but the nner feeling I have is of utter contentmentI so hope we can find a way forward as there is nobody else I would rather share this with than you.
I do realise this could be embarrassing for you particularly with friends and family. You will naturally worry what they will say if this ever comes out but please be assured I will never embarrass you with anyone to which you are connected. I also realise that this will leave you in an emotional void where you feel you have nobody with whom to talk to in order to understand why I am as I am and what you should do. I can help you with many people who have gone through this traumatic time but hopefully the starting point is us.
You may feel that you are somehow losing the person you love or you may wonder who is this stranger because this side of me has been hidden from you for so long. But inwardly I am still the same partner who has been by your side all these years. I have hidden this because I love you. But I realise that at sometime I will, most likely, be discovered or caught out so I have to open both you and I up to the pain of re-connecting in a new way.
You will feel you have been misled and lied to for many years and you may fear for our lives together. You may think that you have heard this happen to others but are surprised when it comes down top yo. You will probably feel isolated as you have nobody but me to talk to about it, You may feel you did something wrong. You did not. This is all of my making and I fully respect if you may be shocked by this type of behaviour and want nothing to do with it. But please give us both a fighting chance.Transvestite and Wife
I hope we can focus on what we love about each other how we can have good times together regardless. and the realisation that this is an occasional thing that might just be a bit of fun. Then I do hope we have the basis for a new and long-lasting relationship. My passions, my loyalty, my humour my intellect, my love for you and the kids will not change, it will just be accompanied by a pair of 4 inch high heels, occasionally!
I appreciate things are not going to be the same but I hope we can change things for the better and achieve a greater understanding and can bring us closer together. It’s also a chance for you to look at what you want from our relationships given these revelations. I will make every endeavour to accommodate what you want. Try me and my new self you may be surprised how calmer and more relaxed I am in my ‘femme’ side. Please give it a chance for all we hold dear.
OK we Trannies like to dress and enjoy the whole aspect of transforming ourselves into our alter ego. Well I do and that is the whole purpose of these blogs! But the main question we constantly ask is what drives us to be like this and why do I consistently need to come back to this? Why can I go some time without dressing and then something sets it off and the girl emerges?
Girl.Question.Mark
From my initial experiences of dressing I know it was very much a bit of sexual fun. In the early years I got very excited by the whole turn-on of dressing and enjoyed the immense physical thrill of it all in mind and body! This was a rare activity in a busy life and my reasons for doing this were mixed. But as the years progressed I now realise it has become a much deeper experience and an essential part of me. The thrill and excitement of the whole process of getting ‘made-up’ has now been replaced by a need to achieve that calmness that I now get from being dressed. But what was driving this? Why at times do I have this internal desire to get out as Tara that is way beyond the initial heady rush of being dressed?
Having been loosely involved with my girlfriend Susie’s dressing service Chateau Femme I have  been exposed to others like myself who have moved down the path from realising this is something they like to do to the reality that it is innate within them. I have as a result found several reasons why this might occur. I am sure there are others but this is how I see the majority of us being driven into this world of the ‘third sex’.
Firstly for some there’s still that strong sexual nature to the whole aspect of dressing. It is an intensely erotic feeling when one dresses. You seem to be fulfilling an internal desire and the whole process of changing from the male to female persona is an incredibly sensual ride. I can still remember the first time I put stockings on bear legs!!! Part of this is the whole change of mindset and just physically letting go. I have alluded to it in previous posts about switching off and de-stressing. 2013-10-30 08.41.19Some do it very quickly, for others it takes a couple of days for that change of mindset. For some it’s the wig for others its shoes we all have different drives but there is no doubt when dressed we find ourselves in a altered state of heightened excitement which as the years progress becomes much more internalised than that thing in your pants! For some of us however this desire of being physically turned-on never goes away. This is the core reason why many dress and this can lead to an altered state of sexuality that we would never have in boy mode. This allows us to fulfil fantasies that we would otherwise leave in our minds, it somehow gives us permission to experiment behind the mask of the girl. For a lot of us this is where we stop and allow ourselves just to enjoy this for what it is.
Sexy Fun.
The second area is what I call the reflected person. This relates to either something we may have experienced with a female family member as a child or an attitude to a girlfriend or lover. Some Trannies can look far back into their childhood and identify some act that has forever been etched on their mind and has driven this fantasy into reality. Their mother’s stockings, a secretary’s skirt, a red lipstick, a wedding dress. These become the springboard for their next steps in Transvestism. This is bordering on compulsion and it does become the key driver in your dressing activities. Wedding Dress
Many of us like to adopt a look that we would ideally like our girlfriend or lover to look like, but for reasons, mainly how society judges them, they would never be out in that attire or that look!. ‘That is far too short a skirt a woman of my age can wear in today’s society!’ We as Trannys can get away with it because we are a bit of an aberration and do not conform to society’s norms. But we are missing that element in our lives and this helps us to cope with it not being around the house. This then gives us an excuse to indulge as we see fit and not as others expect us to do. So many people will say about other women ‘My God she looks like a Tranny’ because of the way she is dressed. Of course so many Trannies do dress in a very provocative and highly tarty manner. In most cases this their choice of the style they would like to portray and not a wardrobe malfunction. They do not seek to ‘pass’ they seek to show off the things they enjoy seeing on others. Many will see themselves as having great legs or they just like legs so will wear a short skirt. Others its a bosom fetish so the chest grows exponentially. For some its a blonde for others its a pair of heels and so on. The way they dress is a genuine expression of how they want to look when they see themselves in the mirror.tumblr_nbhyg5zCw11sx7ek6o1_540
A third viewpoint is the whole aspect of fetishistic dressing that drives the way they are doing something that is not really acceptable. The fact that it is a bit naughty, a little vulgar and racy creates a certain frisson that is both exciting and liberating. By indulging we release an inner fun-seeker that sees this as a part of their playful self. I know that I should not be wearing a dress, far less a short dress out in public but, oh it’s such fun to be the centre of scrutiny! To be doing things that are risqué and provocative  The fetishistic side can also manifest itself in the attraction to particular types of clothes, materials or aspects of dressing but this is more for a cross-dresser than a Tranny. A Tranny enjoys the complete transformation and the whole change of personality that goes with it. They then want to get out and show off either in public or at targeted clubs. I like to think that with a little confidence and belief most Trannies would like to get out if they could as its part of gaining recognition and acknowledgement for who/what they are! The whole dressing builds their own internal esteem by letting the inner slut out!
For some dressing is about identity. The fact that in male form they attract little or no interest but by being ‘different’ they somehow find a place and recognition from those around them that they would otherwise not gain. No longer that grey normal man in the corner who is not really interesting now a point of interest that people want to talk to. It gives them purpose and the social status that they crave. I know if I was dressed as a male I would be sitting on my own at a bar for most of the evening having to make conversation as there are so many people like me. But dressed as Tara I represent something different and others never fail to talk to me even if I am at the same bar on my own! I may be seen as an oddball but it’s far worse to be invisible if there is that gregarious person inside me that wants to get out! Its not necessarily about showing off just being different both for ourselves and for others that with a little change of mindset for others makes us part of life’s rich tapestry. Yes there are some that are offended but far better to have that and be noticed!
Showing off may be one thing but I do see a very large number who use dressing as an element of escapism from their day-to-day issues. Many are unhappy with their lot, others are just very stressed, some spend their whole day making decisions and want to get away from it, some like me love the way in which I can stop the world for a little while and live totally in the moment. A switch off mechanism or should that be some form of alternative meditation?
Dressing to this group is a route to get away from it all. For a period of time it takes away all the anxiety of tomorrow by allowing them to live in the present. In male mode we are trying to sort out problems, we are planning our future, thinking of what we have to do to protect our loved ones, how we can make ends meet etc. When we are dressed we can purely focus on the moment and escape into a mindfulness that allows us to enjoy the present.
The female side also allows them to give way to their inner self which in the day is hidden, They are allowed to let those feelings come out when dressed. They can get away from the ‘Man Up’ attitude of society that conditions them to act in a way that is alien to the way they really are. They are expected to be the breadwinner, be the leader, be the big hairy person who comforts all around, the person they should look up to as a role model and not put a foot wrong. They have to be strong in times of crisis and not have feelings. ‘For God’s sake it is not a man’s place to cry’ and they should bottle up those feelings whilst other around and unburden theirs.
Putting on a dress, makeup, heels and wig allows another person to emerge. We can change our identity into that inner person. A more genteel side can be brought to the front that has been hidden far away from what people expect from them. This is why it’s very difficult for Trannies to tell their partner. It’s not how they are expected to be. But a true feeling person does emerge. IMG_1706
None, and I mean none, of the Trannies I know are bad people to each other or those around them. They are so much more gentle and caring when dressed. OK they can be a bit bitchy and want to talk about themselves all the time, but most are encouraging and try to be helpful particularly to newcomers. They enjoy the moment they are living in and the fun they can have. All of us are a little selfish as we know that very soon this time of escapism will come to an end and we have to make the most of it! When it does end they experience mixed emotions. The fact that they are losing the ‘girl’ and re-entering the big world is a downer but the memories of the fun time will sustain them until the next.
How and when those next times arise are very different. A friend of mine says the dressing urge abates with every new girlfriend who normally departs on discovering his other side as they can’t cope with the two personalities. However, on his own, the girl comes out from those deeper reaches. Another is a high powered executive making multi million dollar deals on a daily basis. The girl side allows him to forget everything and give into a sissy side that hands control to others. One is just at a time in life where the empty nest has resulted in him being able to reassess his life/marriage and the girl releases a side of his personality that he/she has kept hidden for so long. Others are dabbling with Transsexualism and going through a bit of a gender crisis. The dressing is a starting point to looking at their whole identity. Some feel that their real personality in male form is completely suppressed and that, as a Tranny we can be a little naughty and express ourselves far more openly. To some it’s pure escapism from the drudgery of a boring life again allowing them to enhance their lives.
I have said in the title that I thought that dressing was a coping strategy for life. A way to allow one to overcome issues one may have because so many feelings and emotions are hidden and need to get out. But having written this article I realise it’s deeper than that and it’s a mix of reasons. Being a Tranny is an essential part of you that needs to have some form of expression that is away from the norms of our daily existence, that does not conform, that allows us to be expressive and sexy.
Subtez

Yes sexy, to some a short mini skirt is sexy to others a wedding dress, for another office suit, a long summer dress whatever. It’s allowing you to make a clear statement about you that does not conform to designated standard average as defined by society. Yawn!

So whatever drives you and floats your boat just enjoy the moment because the boy side will be back and let’s be honest you like that side as well. If not you are not in my humble opinion a Trannny!  XXX

OK being a Transvestite is not exactly the norm in society but why do so many of us have a guilt complex about being one? I have always maintained that the principle reason for this is that society inculcates and indoctrinates us with certain so called rules or standards from a very early age that we all feel  guilty when we break them. Take for example Religion. At school we had to take Religious Education and in some cases were forced to attend Church/Mosque/Shrine to instil certain beliefs. If we come to decide that these beliefs are false we still feel guilty when we say we do not believe in parts of the teaching that appear wrong. So when we dress and get a certain amount of pleasure out of it we are driven by a sense of guilt that what we are doing is wrong.img_3910

This is based on a fallacious proposition. Who are we offending? What is so wrong with a man to put on a dress after all women wear trousers? High heels were a huge male fashion item in the seventeenth century why are they so stereotyped now? Why can’t a person alter their shape to a more appealing form? Men as as a generalisation have better legs than women why can’t they show them off in a short skirt and nylons I think This is because in today’s society image conscious the man is meant to look, well ‘masculine’and the woman is meant to be ‘pretty’! There are no written rules but a he’ll of a lot of prejudice. If the man should waver into being pretty then it starts to bugger up all the roles and status in society and well it’s just not manly, and woe betide the man that looks prettier than a woman…bitch …bitch! So the reality is its us the Trannies, or is that Trannys, who have to change our mindset and say ‘Sod It Society’ I am an independent free thinker who does not want to offend but finds certain things others may see as so called offensive a totally baseless proposition and, even as a man, I am going to get on with it! Damn your preconceived perceptions of what a Tranny is and does. Denying this to yourself can be bad for your health with frustration, stress and the constant thinking as to when you can next dress distracting you from so many more important things such as your family’s health and lifestyle. It’s a strong force within but no where near the top of things such as a roof over your head and a meal on the table. But it’s still a strong aesthetic drive.

tumblr_lzoe3r6e6X1qj1ijqo1_400The thing for us Transvestites is that we do not have a specific term of reference in the same way as a Transsexual has. In most cases the TS has known they wanted to be a girl from an early age. Transsexuals identify with gender, many say Transvestites identify with sexuality. But I think it’s too simplistic. Put tenTrannies in a room and you will get ten different reasons why they dress. Try explaining why you like to dress to someone and it is quite difficult to communicate the fact that it just feels so right to your inner being. I am amazed when Transvestites congregate around the table there is a very clear understanding between them what they are feeling on the in..side and even though many Genetic Girls might be present they have great difficulty comprehending what is going on inside that crazy mixed up mind. They have empathy but not understanding. This is one of the reasons why wives cannot comprehend why their husband wants to dress, it’s those inner feelings which cannot be explained in words alone. I also think there are other reasons for partners rejecting the Tranny such as mix up of role models in the family and social perspective problems but I have talked about these in other posts, so will not dwell.

What I think motivates this need to dress is that there is probably a male and female aspect to our personality and we identify with both parts to a certain degree in our make-up. I think a Transsexual whilst accepting there may be a small male part to her identifies much more clearly with the feminine side and that is her strongest drive. With the Transvestite the masculine aspect is a much stronger persona but the feminine side is something that has to be indulged from time to time to maintain balance of the whole.The regularity of this of course varies from person top person.

I like both sides but my male side is the more dominant driver through my choice not society’s. Tara is about creating an illusion, a fantasy an element of fun escapism.This is not my own hair, face, boobs, shape, in fact its almost an artform (Oh God Grayson Perry comes to mind here!), But it is a definite fantasy and the male side is the more boring reality. I have always said I adore the change of mindset that comes from boy to femme and that has always been the thing that floats my boat allowing true escapism.  A good friend of mine has found the feminine side has given her immense calm and focus in her life and spends most of her time enfemme! Even contemplating the chop! However she still has to dress as the male from time-to-time for society as her family (and girlfriends) are not as accepting of the female. It’s such a shame so many people still frown about such a small thing.

CHELTENHAM, UNITED KINGDOM - OCTOBER 15: Grayson Perry , Turner Prize winning Artist and Potter, poses for a portrait at the Cheltenham Literature Festival on October 15, 2009 in Cheltenham, England. (Photo by David Levenson/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Grayson Perry

I also love the fact that many from my group of Transvestites move down the road from dressing to identifying that they have a more female dominant part to their persona and then start down the Transsexual route. I feel we have helped them discover themselves and sometimes some inner peace. What pisses me off though is how many of them then become like reformed smokers and look with disdain at their old friends who have not ‘become a true woman’ in their minds and subsequently reject the group that allowed them to discover their new route. Ironically they now look at us as social lepers who no longer conform to their new standards. They ironically have moved back to society’s norms. So hypocritical! Bitch Bitch!

Come on Tara stop bitching and get on with life it’s far too short to worry what others are thinking!

(Ironically I found this letter to Society   from a woman which had me drawing two different thought processes one was good for you girl the other was…I so want to do so many of those things you want to stop).Never Done

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