Category: Going Out Dressed


Most of us love to get out, particularly in the fun Christmas season. However if like me you feel you would like to look as feminine as possible there are some simple things that I think you should be aware of about how you ‘show’ yourself to the world. These are my top 10 tips that I think will make you a better Tranny and less of a male crossdresser.
  1. Posture – more than anything else I see with Trannies is their round-shouldered posture that makes them look like a gorilla in a dress. I know it because I do it….occasionally! For God’s sake girl sit up and stand up straight. It’s not only a dead giveaway but also such an ugly pose. Yes you probably stand up straight in front of the mirror but in general men tend to loll our heads forward and put our shoulders back. It looks bad but also makes your hair flop in front of your face and you are permanently sweeping it back. shutterstock_111420299If you are standing up straight your hair will naturally fall backwards. When you think you are genuinely standing straight the way you normally do (not for the mirror) look at yourself front on then turn to the right and look how your posture is. I guarantee if you maintain your stance your shoulders are rounded and slumped forward, your neck is tilted forward so your chin is over the centre of your chest, your bum is sticking out as a counterbalance and your legs are too far apart to help your stance. Bad posture also causes back pain so try a Yoga or a Pilates class to help.
  2. Limpwristing – its classic Tranny and I have to say I suffer from it as well. Put on a dress and suddenly your arms come up into a doggy begging position and you wrists bend and go limp and you start pontificating to the world with your far too feeble hand gestures as if you are trying to waft away some smoke. literal-limp-wrist-1024x576.jpgYes women do have more relaxed shoulders and wrists but many of us overdo it which some find more gay than femme. so straighten up a bit and put you arms around your waist or sides. There is a world of difference between female movements and the more effeminate gestures many of us Trannies interpret as ‘womenlike’.
  3. Walking – men walk using their shoulders women walk with their hips.This is because women have a lower centre of gravity and wider hips which causes the swaying motion we have to exaggerate. The net result is their style of walking is a giveaway. Men tend to take larger strides and walk with their legs farther apart because they have bigger chests and shoulders hence have a higher centre. This results in more side to side movement, which may be why men are more prone to move their arms and shoulders when they walk than women. Add heels into the equation and you find this exaggerates this movement even further. 1432114789-tumblr_mvndx0czxx1s82pzao1_400Add bad posture and you see a hunched gorilla gambolling down the street looking like a member of the Peaky Blinders is very unladylike that is not only ugly but a complete giveaway to your Tranny status. Wikkihow has a great page on how to walk in high heels. There are also plenty of You Tube videos. But most of all get a pair of shoes you can walk in not just pose in front of the mirror for your own self-gratification and practice, practice, practice for more than 5 minutes. If yo go out you are going to be on your feet for a long time.
  4. Sitting – it may be great as a bloke to sit with your legs apart and slouch backwards scratching between your legs but that ain’t going to work in girl mode. You may not care about how you appear in public but for the bulk of us there are certain things that are our rite of passage and learning to sit properly is one of them. xkgety6i56967fe7d816d039458452It shows you off well and allows those around you to feel more comfortable that the one-eyed sea serpent or its two hairy gooseberries won’t suddenly be appearing in the gap between you open legs. This simple link from Wikkihow should again help and by golly there is lots to learn
  5. Shape – now I know women like men can be a little on the large side but their distribution of fat is different to those of men. We tend to have larger chests and smaller hips. The net  result is that with the addition of breasts women have much curvier figures than we do. There is nothing worse than seeing a Tranny with a beer belly protruding from her tight fitting dress and a huge bulge in the middle of her groin.aa23546505cf3b0ab3e6245382cdb2c3
    I appreciate that if you are just a crossdresser this does not matter but if ‘en femme’ is your goal then some shapewear is necessary. Wearing breast forms was an oddity for me because they weren’t ‘natural’, but I loved looking at a female shape in the mirror so they have become the norm as part of my dressing habit. Its part of the uniform serving little practical use but just a great part of letting the girl  shape out. One of my friends listed all of their extras they added on to create the girl. The were wig, eyelashes, brow-lifter,  posture support, breast forms and bra, waist cincher, shaping slip, gaff panties, false nails butt pads shaping tights . What we suffer for our art.
    Now I know this is excessive but I have always maintained creating the girl is an art form and we all have to do it to some degree unless you really do not care what you look like or what people think. Remember the first rule of Trannying is not to offend anyone’s sensibilities.
  6. Hygiene – boys smell more than girls so for Gods sake wash and spray. Sorry its a fact so please check your personal hygiene. Wearing extra layers of clothes lashings of makeup and wigs will make you sweat a little more so check your antiperspirant is on strong. Nobody will tell you that you smell they will just avoid you. But if that’s what you want then bring on the compost heap. Oh and whilst we are here Trannies with beards or stubble is a very, very small niche for the Eurovision Song Contest that very few fancy so as a rule of thumb keep it very smooth and learn to cover it up. Same applies to legs arms and particularly the back.
  7. Make Up – part of being the inner woman is hiding masculinity and a major part of that is cosmetic as our faces have so many differences. Make an effort please to understand the basics. So you either have to get someone to put on the slap for you (I of course recommend a dressing service such as Chateau Femme) where a makeup and go should cost you between £35-£50 or you have to learn to do it yourself. The basics of foundation, eyes and lips are essential and I would recommend the following YouTube videos  1 2 3 as a starter but there are loads more.
    After then its over to you how this progresses, you may even want to go further into Drag but that is your prerogative.  If you don’t want to be the shrinking violet in the corner then an element of ‘passability’ (new Tranny word) is essential. But remember one of the big Tranny giveaways is also wearing too much make up caked on in many layers to try to disguise that dark beard. Get the balance right.
  8. Wigs – I am sorry but this is probably the most essential piece of kit. As I have said in previous posts it is THE thing that completes the look. Invest in one that suits your face the following article gives you some ideas on wigs. Wash and care for them regularly as they can h
    Top-Bad-Pictures-Of-Celebrity-Womens-Wigside any myriad of smalls and ideally get a tame hairdresser to cut and style them to your face.Think about how your face fits particular styles not that you want to look like that size zero model on the catwalk.
    Take a look at this You Tube video and this reference from eBay. as starters and be honest with yourself as to your face shape. There are also plenty of wig shops around who have seen every style and type of person coming through and are only too happy to organise a private consultation with you. Remember we are not all flaxen-haired blonde bimbos and that you will be surprised what other colours and lengths really do suit you
  9. Accessories – OK these are peripheral but they send out important signals, they break up lines and can disguise certain features. Be careful not to go too over the top unless you want to stand out as some kind of Diva Drag Queen. Necklaces can hide long necks and a bit of your adams apple, rings and bracelets break up long arms and hands. Belts are effective disguising your midriff and making hips. Scarves can hide a myriad of flaws as well as being a very decorative addition to that black dress that many of us prefer to wear. I always consider that it’s the accessories that turn the basic dressing into an art form and creates that subtle stand out girl.
  10. Smile – I know its crazy to say this but so many Trannies do not smile. A smile is always a great weapon to disarm others. But smiling makes everyone (well almost) much happier in any situation. Too many of us are focused on what we are trying to do or achieve that we forget the moment and the fun we are having. So we forget to smile at others around us. If you are seen to be a happy person others will be naturally drawn to talking to you. A scowl will scare them off. No smilingchimpface like thunder will ever win the popularity stakes. A smile if you can do it also looks so much better in pictures. And we all love some pictures and some appreciation from others as to how much we have put into the evening.
Finally there I think there are things to forget about because they look stupid if you try to change them. They are the sound of your voice, the size of your hands, your adams apple, your nose (though a bit of contouring might help) you large feet, These are a fact that cannot be helped and trying to disguise them rally works and tends to look odd. Even if you are 6’6” and you want to wear those wonderful 5″ heels go for it you already stand out and these will make little difference. But it will make you look and feel a hell of a lot sexier.
Now get up and go for it girl and have a Merry Christmas xx
PS here is my favourite Christmas song on You Tube

 

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This is one of those blogs where I lose a few friends!
How many of my Transvestite friends say that they would love to find a GG (Genuine Girl) that they could go out with who would take some time to understand them because as a T-girl they can offer so much more than the boring old grey man. However in so many cases this just does not happen. Bringing a third personality into a relationship does not work for all and causes interminable discussions between the parties as to limits and expectations.

Party TV1

Be Inclusive

It’s an eternal question we all ask and I have discussed at length in other posts. However it was very interesting for me to experience the ‘Group’ mentality of Trannies a few weeks ago on a Tranny holiday.
On this trip everybody else was dressed but me. For reasons I won’t go into just to say I really was not in the mood to dress at that point in time. As a result I was able to be the observer rather than the participant. It allowed me to view the group from a subtle distance and with some objectivity… girls this may cause a little hurt but it’s for the benefit of all! Am I now a Tranologist?
Of course the first thing that struck me which is normal for anyone meeting a Tranny for the first time was the eternal me, me, me of the T-girl. But that’s normal and I knew that already. We all see it when we go out. One’s focus is almost always on oneself as this is a fleeting moment of escape from your normal ‘vanilla’ existence into the inner femme. Your rare chance for the world to see the other part of you and your need for admiration of what you are really like. And by God you are going to make the most of it in the short time you have!
But that is obvious to everyone. There is nothing new here. Cameras out selfies taken, gotta post immediately on social media , constant mirror checking, excessive behaviour beyond the norm etc etc etc. We all understand this, perhaps not to the newbies who are desperate to tell the world what they feel and find out more about themselves through the medium of a group of understanding friends.
However one of the biggest things I encountered was that even a small group can be quite exclusive, but not elitist. And I mean that in the sense of the us and them not the, wow how good are we, connotation. Despite them all recognising me as being a tranny and accepting that I was in male mode it was clear that I was not one of them. Also I did not feel one of them in my own mindset either. This was genuinely not intentional on my part but it allowed me to observe them from a completely different perspective when I was not in the realm of being a TV. I felt distant either because I was not getting the buzz they got  or because I couldn’t contribute. But it was noticeable that outsiders could view this as being a very exclusive set with a closed agenda and membership. Its not intentional but there is a commonality that binds the group that excludes others.
Party TV 2

Partying Is For All Not A Few

It’s just like a bunch of rugby boys getting together in a bar and talking line breaks and scrummaging. If you have little knowledge of what goes on then you can only contribute in small amounts but when the conversation gets into full swing you feel sidelined. The same applies to ‘girls nights’. They are not deliberately pushing you out just excluding you by default. Even their best efforts to include you really amount to little as they are so focused on enjoying their own femme time. They will return to your boy mode tomorrow. You alternatively are just not in the game.

Now a few groups who are exclusive in this nature are downright rude and ‘the not one of us’ syndrome cuts in. I have particularly experienced this when Trannies and TS’s come into close contact especially when the TS went out first with a TV group.
I have always hated the fact that in our group we have nurtured the TS feelings of some only to be blanked by them as soon as they decide to go the whole TS route. Rejecting friends on the basis that they are not ‘real’! The Transvestite on the other hand tends not to be so aggressive. By their nature they are letting out a softer person, but when dressed they still see it as their time and their discussion. They don’t tell others not to join the group (as many TS’s I have encountered have done to me) but they can do it in subtle ways that naturally exclude others without knowing they are doing it.
Two types in particular are the Trannybore who gives this constant monologue about themselves and how the dress how they feel what the do yawn yawn yawn. Then there is the Tranny Shocker who gets a kick out of mildly vulgar displays of themselves to other Trannies and the general public who are in turn mildly revolted because, if a woman did that in public she would be regarded as somewhat of a slut! Both of these types offend others in one way or another and create barriers to the group for outsiders. Because the group tolerates them they think they are fine, but this is not the case.
This whole episode got me looking back at recent events that I had attended whilst dressed. I suddenly realised that on so many occasions people who were either not dressed or Genuine Girls (GG’s) were initially welcomed to the group for a few minutes only to be excluded within half an hour. A GG who is a regular attendee at our group politely told me the other day that it was probably time to go because the conversation had become dominated by makeup and shoes to the exclusion of any interest in her. It is ironic given that two of the ‘girls’ fancied her but made no real effort to bring her into the fold by actually asking questions about her instead they wanted to tell her about themselves. They expect her to chat them up! Bizarre!
I appreciate that when dressed we are so introspective because we get so little time to be ‘ourselves’ but when TV’s say I can’t find a girlfriend I now say no wonder why. You make no effort to talk to them as you are so self-interested. Because you have nobody else to talk to this all comes out when you should be spending time chatting her up!
The best place to meet a real girlfriend is when you are dressed not through some dating site (unless you state up front you are a TV). The Rubicon and barrier of your  femme of activities will have been exposed immediately and you can move onto the relationship part quicker than if you have to say Hi I am a boy who likes to dress as a girl after a couple of weeks of going out!
If you want a girl who quite likes Trannies why the bloody hell do you suddenly stop chatting them up and instead describe your femme side in intimate detail that is so so dull to listen to. If that is in truth what you really want.
One of our group has realised this. She started to try to date GG’s but soon realised that her Femme alter ego was taking up so much time that having a girlfriend who actually liked the Femme side would be too much effort and might even put a block on her fun. She felt that it would be too much to keep the girlfriend happy with both of her personalities vying for supremacy. She feels she has a rite of passage to go through before she enters the dating market again. At the moment her head is too full of Trannying to think straight about the relationship element and it would take up too much of her girly time. Good for her finally some objectivity, which of course is sadly lacking in the vast majority of the Tranny community!

Party TV 3

You Never Know Who Might Float Your Boat

 I have started to recognise patterns emerging where people (non Tranny) tend to float in and out of the group seeing a ‘chance’ but never really connect. People would join us but when the conversations came to me, me, me, they would switch off and move on to other places. Many Trannies I meet want to have a real girlfriend but when it comes to the hard graft of chatting them up all they bloody well want to do is talk about themselves.    (I have intentionally repeated this to try to drive the message home girls). Woe betide the GG who asks the question how are you and 45 minutes later says oh that’s really interesting before making her excuses to leave or taking strychnine to excuse herself from the conversation. Yep girls to the outsider although initially you can appear interesting and alluring  the reality is that you can be very very boring.
So be careful its fine doing things ‘en groupe’ and get caught up with that mentality but you will by default exclude the outsiders. For your group to be more inclusive you have to change the subject away from hair makeup, heels and hose. Particularly with real girls you have the opportunity to ask them what they think. You suddenly will have a partner you can go shopping with for both (remember both) of you. She has a new girlfriend with whom she can share things but only if you learn to speak girl and not Tranny.
And now I will rejoin my group who will regard me with suspicion from now on XXX

It is wonderful to see the huge explosion in the numbers of Trannies coming out in the last few years. The public ‘general’ acceptance of us has grown and the blossoming of the ‘Femme’ side has been exponential. But for the vast numbers (greatest number) of closet dwellers this is a threshold that is very very hard to pass. I would think that the majority of closet dwellers would like to go out at least once but so many barriers get in their way. This article intends to analyse this situation not find a solution for getting past that block. I am not a psychologist! Psycho yes Psychologist no!

In the closet

Is This The Place To Hide?

Breaking the ‘home’ boundary has one specific trait that most (not all) TV’s want. To be able to get out to show themselves off  and get some form of acknowledgement at least once. For many this is a very strong drive. However there is a serious barrier to this called FEAR.
A fear of being discovered, a fear of what people will think, a fear of ridicule, a fear of doing something that is not really acceptable, a fear you might be gay, a fear of what might happen, a fear you will not pass, a fear of being unable to present yourself in a feminine manner, a fear of how to conduct yourself, a fear of which loo to visit etc etc etc. These fears build many many layers in the mind in such a way as to paralyse your actions and stop you being …well you! Every positive thought is immediately matched by the bigger negative consequence. The easy option is to accept this paralysis of fear and not do anything. And lets get real being a TV (as opposed to a TS) is probably the last big ‘unreal’ its taboo left that today’s so PC society, in general, does not have to accept. That and being a Morris Dancer!
As many know my partner runs a dressing service called Chateau Femme and she sees it on an everyday basis. So many of her clients bottle out at the very last minute. Some will sit outside her house and literally shake with fear and then drive off unable to break the fear. Others don’t even call to cancel normally when a sort of shame overcomes them, leaving them frustrated and her significantly out of pocket. Ironically many then show contrition and book again and cancel again. Its a cycle many find hard to break. The mind plays awful tricks. I have spoken to a lot of girls who say they have spent hours looking through dressing service websites looking for the right one then finally picking up the phone or booking online only to let the fears stop them going any further.
My partner knows how fear can get into the mind, but also knows that when they finally dare to cross that Rubicon the immense sense relaxation and satisfaction they get from releasing the girl inside outweighs all those irrational fears. From there they are then desperate to get out in public, but boy (or should that be girl) is that an even bigger step.
David Burns in his book Feeling Good talks about how fear and guilt combine to create anxiety in the mind that stops you being objective about situations and stops you doing things for your well being.  I myself can remember on my first few dressings I wondered would someone burst into the room take pictures and then blackmail me with them? Was I being secretly filmed for the pictures to be used against me?  When I first went out in public I worried what if someone I know will be there. The fear of dressing at home and what would happen if anyone came home and yet I still did it. The drive was too strong. Most of these fears are irrational but I probably got a kick out of the fact I was doing something naughty and most men do like to take certain risks.
The mind plays tricks with you. It tries to focus on the worst possible scenario. It has a natural flight mode built into it when even the most simple situations arrive in relation to dressing. Something of the old caveman always being scared that a wild animal might attack him has built this ‘run’ mentality into our souls. Nowadays its more a case of how Society might attack him. Well if you want to play safe then stick with the closet and read no further. But if you want more perspective read on.
So lets take a look at this in a more objective light. Rather than looking at what is the worst scenario look at what is the likely outcome. The point is to reduce the risk level to reduce the fear quotient. If you go out in your local pub dressed and you are the only Tranny in the bar then it is more likely  for you to be ‘discovered’ than if you are at the BNO TV party at Pink Punters Disco on the second Friday of every month. You wont stand out and your friends will not be there. If you dress at home you or your clothes are more likely to be discovered by prying eyes searching through the loft or garage. If you spend too much time away from home you will arouse suspicions. The chances of you meeting a friend at a Tranny function are pretty much zero  (only about 1 in 80 Trannys are out) especially as you will both be dressed.

The more you dress in a risqué manner the more attention you will attract. If you think that nobody will recognise you then the chances of that getting back to home are even slimmer. Yes you will be clocked as a Tranny but in my experience the worst that can happen is someone asking ‘are you a guy’ to which I answer ‘no a Tranny and I am hetero’ just to answer two questions in one. I can go on and on about these scenarios but they are pretty obvious. You just let the unrealistic fear get in the way.

Think Of How You Will Display Yourself

As to the concerns about other third parties relax. Reputable dressing services, mistresses, escorts and private events will not publish any information about you because as soon as this becomes known on the internet they are toast. They have a reputation to protect and if someone indicates that they have broken that trust then that will be it for them and that is their livelihood.  Other Trannies will not know your real name so have little or no chance of identifying your male self. In any case most Trannies are in the same zone as you and to be honest are only interested in themselves and the short bit of fun they can have in femme mode. You are just part of the scenery unless you do something inappropriate!
As for women the majority that I have met are very interested in a man who likes to dress, they are totally supportive and are always the first to compliment you. (Other Trannies won’t as they are too into themselves, so don’t ask them if you look good!). However do not misconstrue this interest in you from a woman’s perspective as an interest to go out with you. Women quite like the oddball exotic nature of the Tranny but for the majority of them this is a step too far in what in any case  is always a very complicated relationship with the ‘Third Person’. If Men are from Mars Women From Venus then TV’s come from Alpha Centauri!
So for Gods sake stop worrying about what might happen take a dose of realism. What is more important is to think of the consequences of when you do step out of that dark wardrobe. Particularly on the home front. Hah I reduce one fear and put another one in their place. But this is realistic.

Whist being out is such fun you have to realise that the more you get into Trannying the more the chances of you having a meeting or incident will be. I remember the first time I met a man I knew, when dressed as Tara, after about 20 outings, I nearly crapped myself. But there was no way out and I had to front up. I talked to him but he did not recognise me at all, or at least showed no hint of recognition. The disguise was too good. Since then of course it has not bothered me, well not too much, as you still have to mindful of the drunken oik who wants to show off to

Be Yourself For A Little While

his mates how clever he can be by having a go at the Tranny in the corner minding her own business.

But on the family front this is a completely different matter. The more you do this the more you will start to hide things. More time away from home will arouse suspicion. The more chances of you making a mistake. You will become a little more reticent to opening up as to what you are doing. The more you will tell lies and the more your self-esteem will suffer. As you know you will be breaking the trust of your relationship. You will start to feel a fraud in your own home hiding this quite basic urge. You can suppress it but rarely can you give it up. Its an itch that has to be scratched and the more frequent your visits to the femme side the more it becomes the norm and the more opportunities to be caught out.
I would say that 90% of Trannys have been caught out in one form or another and in particular if its by their partner it does not tend to end well. Core to all of this is the break in trust and then what the neighbours will think. See my previous posts!
So you have this horrible dilemma. Do you go with the desire to let the girl out and become paranoid with all the fears this raises or do you suppress the need and deal with the resultant frustration that arises
I have alluded in past posts to the many reasons why I think we dress but in essence I consider it boils down to two basic factors. Either we are missing something in our lives and this is a coping strategy or we have an inner desire to let the feminine side of our persona out to balance the male macho face. OK I know there are lots of other reasons but these two from my experience are the most dominant.
How many men have I seen who do not have a significant other relationship using Trannying as an outlet. How many have I seen that when in girl mode their personality changes dramatically. This is soooo liberating so000 relaxing and soooo allows us to live for ourselves, so in the moment, so just plain self-centred. But its very selfish, very personal and a relationship destroyer for the majority of us. We can’t explain why we do it so how the hell can others accept it! God what a nightmare of fears and emotions this gives way to!
Now you had better go and find that shrink!! XXX
In my experiences in Transvestism, and with my partner Susie’s dressing service Chateau Femme I have seen many, many types of Trannies who have such a disparate variety of wants and peccadilloes that I have always maintained  each one is unique.This means that whilst we may have some common traits rarely can one TV totally identify with another’s likes and wants.
This being said I have found that these needs and wants tend to fall into 6 broad categories. OK we can identify ourselves in several categories but I believe one is dominant. By identifying them I hope to show those that continuously question themselves about why they are like they are they are not alone. img_4247

I would however also put the rider that these are not mutually exclusive rather they are the most common things that move us towards Transvestism. Also I consider that priorities change as we move from closet to the club and eventually to the big wide vanilla world and we ‘overcome’ early urges in favour of more solid loves!

  1. The Copers – are people who are going through a particular life changing moment especially in relationships. For them times are stressful and there is a need for some form of escape or just the peace of mind that Transvestism affords them. We gain both focus and relief. This is particularly true for men who are meant to be the ‘rock’ of the house and should not show their feelings and concerns.They however need an outlet for this stress, something to hang onto or a place to go when things get tough that brings an element of security. I particularly see it in middle aged men whose longer-term  relationship has plateaued or is in decline. One thing being a Tranny does is that it allows them to live in the present, a form of mindfulness with a kinky edge. It allows them to switch off into an alter ego. No past concerns or future worries just a place to ‘be’ in the moment. This transformational process gives the mind a rest in one area whilst opening up other possibilities that lie dormant or suppressed due to the stress of day-to-day living  which has taken over their lives. Most of this type do not know where this ‘femme’ side is taking them they do know however the power of its release.
  2. The Sexpots– these are the ones who, when dressed, feel an incredible sexual rush from their new persona. No longer that grey man in the corner now a much more liberated person emerges. It opens up completely new horizons for their sexual exploits that might be taboo in male mode. This leads the man to new twists and turns as they play with their gender and sexuality. Interesting dark places emerge and it releases a sexual libido that is normally hidden in day to day life. When they are in the early flings of a new boy on girl relationship these TV’s will probably let the Tranny side drift but as things progress and they might not be getting the ‘fun’ they would like from the relationship they start to reignite their girly side again. This situation also arises when they are between relationships and not getting the sexual experience they normally enjoy. For others who have quite a strong sex drive this is an outlet from their marital relationship which may have become a little stale . They can venture to the naughty side and effectively have flings in a variety of ways. They almost seem to switch off their whole relationship for the fun of a brief encounter. It opens up their sexual horizons and allows them to indulge in taboos that their boy side says is not on. How many have I talked to who say that in boy mode they would never do anything with another man but in girl mode this opens up completely new and different horizons. Its a fun and playful interlude that completes their sexuality.
  3. The Shockers – there are girls who get a kick from dressing and then exposing
    themselves (dressed of course) to the vanilla world. No longer do LBGT clubs do it for them their target is the not so accepting world. A world where being a Transvestite is still the last taboo to be frowned on. They get a rush from challenging people’s perspectives but also continuously pushing their own boundaries. They adore being noticed and love attention. They are thrill seekers pushing their own fears for excitement and relish the chance to show themselves off. img_4252Their first nigh at a restaurant, their first night at a club, their fist journey on a train, their first trip abroad, a day shopping en femme etc etc etc. Ideally each one has to be a new experience  a new ‘drug’ to feed off . They constantly get a buzz from being out there, a simple night in a restaurant will not suffice. They want that little shorter skirt or that adapted goth look or that PVC/Rubber outfit that causes a stir. They want to challenge themselves and the people around them. After a while when they have pushed as far at they can things settle into a more regular rhythm. I was talking to a TV the other day who said she started going to Gay clubs then to restaurants and so on until one night she challenged herself to go alone into a working men’s club in a really rough part of London in a very short dress. Here she thought she would be shocking to be seen. Unfortunately they were the most accepting of all the places and she decided that this route had come to an end. But where does it stop and how far can you push your own boundaries?
  4. The Mirror Queen – these are people who are so transfixed with their own reflection in the mirror that they start to withdraw into a world of their femme self. They need attention admiration, adulation and acceptance. But most of all they adore themselves. In conversation they talk incessantly about themselves and how they feel to the exclusion of all others. It is always turned onto them. They don’t care if they are hogging the conversation, if it drifts away from them they go to the loo to adjust their look just to check how good are and rejoin to dominate it again!. These girls tend to be very creative in their look, however the search for what they perceive is perfection can be limiting as they can’t find the next fantastic look! Yes they do tend to fall in love with themselves  and are incredibly narcissistic but they are fixated on perfecting their look. Its both a challenge and an art form to them. Theygirlinmirror adjust their hair and makeup at every opportunity.  They are the first to want to change their outfit 10 times in an evening and are always asking if they look good if you haven’t noticed. Styles combinations and perfection are their drivers. They have to get the look right just to please themselves which of course in the end leads to a very lonely insular life, but its what they want.
  5. The Almost TS’s – theses are the borderline girls who find true identity in their whole femininity. Their identity in day-to-day life appears drab and unrecognised by the public at large. Put on a wig and a dress and people compliment them, love their look and enjoy their company. These are the ones who still hold onto their male side but the Tranny side is slowly starting to merge and they are becoming some kind of Androgen between the two sexes. Their actions are becoming more fay, they dress in girly jeans. knickers and jackets, they sleep in a nightdress and some take mild hormones. Most clearly separate the ‘Man’ side occasionally giving him a totally different identity when they talk about ‘him’! They now buy girly clothes in a ratio of 3:1 to the man. A lot of the male pastimes have been driven into second place . The golf club, the football supporter, the pub goer or the car driver have become suppressed by a stronger drive that gives them identity. They don’t feel like a woman, they never have. Their core genetic code is male, however as they age and the testosterone levels reduce the more feminine side emerges. They get a much stronger feeling of belonging from their Femme persona and enjoy the more relaxed way in which they can engage with others.img_4663
  6. The Occasionals – this is the dump or default Transvestite. They have been through the TV wringer for a long time. They have found a balance between boy and femme times. The urge to dress comes and goes but when it strikes the girl just has to come out and play. This is an inner urge that is always laying in wait and they accept it will never leave them. For these people its a need, as opposed to a want, that has to be sated for a short period of time, but say to them that they can have a week dressed and they will be horrified. They have strong ‘blokey’ tendencies but to balance this life the girl in whatever form has to come out from time to time. This can be a night at home or a night out. Of all the TV’s they are the least likely to need appreciation and admiration, the will take the least pictures of themselves and just enjoy the fun of the moment without dominating the conversation. They are very self-indulgent and love their short period of time to themselves, particularly in front of the make-up mirror as they change their mindset, but after that who cares its just great escapism for a few fleeting moments to be repeated at some point in the future when the urge re-emerges.
Now I fully appreciate that we all  have elements of each of these but one category tends to dominate. I can take certain situations and identify many of these traits. It’s not meant as a panacea for all your worries just to highlight that there are many tendencies within us. First of all we have to stop feeling guilty about these elements just because society tells you that it just is not done. Instead embrace the things you enjoy, but don’t let it get too out of control.
I am sure that many of you must have a view on theses traits and want to add ones that you recognise  in others so please, please do offer some more comments to help me adapt this blog over time. img_4640
The one set of people I would remove from all these categories are the closet dressers, who are probably the biggest group of all Trannies. Most of us have come from this group at one time or another. The problem is that when it’s hidden we do not get the chance to truly identify which of these categories we fall into. Too much of the time is spent in short hits of being a Transvestite or more particularly a crossdresser who hasn’t got the time to dress completely in that furtive few moments when the house is theirs. We never quite make that mindset shift from Crossdresser to Transvestite because we are always worried about that key in the door!
These people  have such a complex mix of bottled up emotions that helps them cope with life’s ups and downs. It initially gives them a real sexual buzz, it is a naughty thing that would shock others if discovered but is just a quick release that is short lived.They live in that weird panic of enjoying something that at the same time, if discovered, would bring their world down around them. They have no time to find out what really drives them they just know they have to do it and get on with those fleeting fun moments that are sadly on their own. Their time will come but first they have to sort out their life.
For the rest of us lucky ones who are out and not worried about discovery it’s time for our own self-discovery XXX
So you are a TV who is trying to understand why you are as you are? You are also trying to explain to others who you are. You need a glossary of terms to help. But first you need to identify what ‘box’ you fit into and from there seek others of a similar persuasion. My first reaction to this is don’t bother! I have met so many Trannies over the years and I can honestly say I can rarely find two that are so very alike they form a perfect category. Just like how we move from Boy to Girl mode so our reasons for dressing are very fluid. However I do see some similarities between all of us:
  • Firstly we like the freedom and sense of identity we achieve from letting the girl out. suddenly the grey man gets noticed for the person they truly are
  • Secondly we achieve a type of nirvana by throwing off the masculine expectations of society and exposing the female side which allows us a form of deep relaxation and satisfaction from balancing our character
  • Thirdly we love the appreciation that we get in the knowledge we have put a lot of effort into this persona. This can be in public or on-line.
  • Finally there is an intense form of excitement derived from the fact that we can approach life in a new and fresh manner when we dress.
I aimg_2894m worried in these posts that I may be going over old ground and at risk of repeating myself, however whenever I am out with ‘Les Filles’  (sorry I have a problem with the terms girls, women and she, just not me!) the overriding topic of discussion is about what drives us to do this and how we feel about it. Probably it’s the male side essentially trying to solve a problem which in order to do so needs have a profound understanding of why a particular action occurs. We do like to find solutions and gain better understanding don’t we!
So first we have to look at the myriad of definitions for ‘Trans’ beings exist, at least in order to talk in a coherent manner. In my research it was quite funny how the words Transvestite and Crossdresser were considered old and derogatory terms. It feels as I said in my last post like we are being marginalised and that we almost offend the Ttans groups by blurring the pitch!
Thee are so many definitions about the Trans world (the BBC has a simple one) but I would like to try to give you my best understanding of the key segregators relating to us and I defer the Berkeley College offering with a few changes to suit my own understandings
Agender – A person who is internally ungendered or does not have a felt sense of gender identity.
Androgynous  – A person appearing and/or identifying as neither man nor woman, presenting a gender either mixed or neutral.
Asexual – A person who is not sexually attracted to any gender.
Bigender – A person whose gender identity is a combination of man and woman
Bisexuality – A person who is attracted to two sexes or two genders, but not necessarily simultaneously or equally. This used to be defined as a person who is attracted to both genders or both sexes, but since there are not only two sexes (see intersex and transsexual) and there are not only two genders (see transgender), this definition is inaccurate.
Cisgender – A person who by nature or by choice conforms to gender/sex based expectations of society (also referred to as “Gender-straight” or “Gender Normative”)
Crossdresser – Someone who wears certain items of clothing (not fully made up) associated with another gender for part of the time.
Drag – The act of dressing in gendered clothing and adopting gendered behaviours as part of a performance, most often clothing and behaviours typically not associated with your gender identity. Drag Queens perform femininity theatrically. Drag Kings perform masculinity theatrically.
Gender Fluid – A person whose gender identification and presentation shifts, whether within or outside of societal, gender-based expectations.
Genderfuck – The idea of playing with “gender cues” to purposely confuse “standard” or stereotypical gender expressions, usually through clothing
Genderqueer – A person whose gender identity is neither man nor woman, is between or beyond genders, or is some combination of genders. This identity is usually related to or in reaction to the social construction of gender, gender stereotypes and the gender binary system. Some genderequeer people identify under the transgender umbrella while others do not.
Heterosexuality – Sexual, emotional, and/or romantic attraction to a sex other than your own. Commonly thought of as “attraction to the opposite sex” but since there are not only two sexes (see “Intersex” and “Transsexual”), this definition is inaccurate.
Homosexuality – Sexual, emotional, and/or romantic attraction to the same sex.
Intersex – Intersex is a set of medical conditions that feature congenital anomaly of the reproductive and sexual system. That is, intersex people are born with “sex chromosomes,” external genitalia, or internal reproductive systems that are not considered “standard” for either male or female. The existence of intersexuals shows that there are not just two sexes and that our ways of thinking about sex (trying to force everyone to fit into either the male box or the female box) is socially constructed.

Pangender – A person whose gender identity is comprised of all or many gender expressions

Pansexual – A person who is fluid in sexual orientation and/or gender or sex identity.
She-Male – An *offensive term* used to refer to MTF trans individuals by the sex/porn industries to objectify, exotify and eroticize the trans body
Transgender –  people are those whose psychological self (“gender identity”) differs from the social expectations for the physical sex they were born with. To understand this, one must understand the difference between biological sex, which is one’s body (genitals, chromosomes, etc.), and social gender, which refers to levels of masculinity and femininity. Often, society conflates sex and gender, viewing them as the same thing. But, gender and sex are not the same thing.Transgender people are those whose psychological self (“gender identity”) differs from the social expectations for the physical sex they were born with.
Transsexual – Refers to a person who experiences a mismatch of the sex they were born as and the sex they identify as. A transsexual sometimes undergoes medical treatment to change his/her physical sex to match his/her sex identity through hormone treatments and/or surgically. Not all transsexuals can have or desire surgery.
Transvestite – Individuals who regularly or occasionally wear the clothing and make-up socially assigned to a gender not their own, but are usually comfortable with their anatomy and do not wish to change it (i.e. they are not transsexuals). ursula1
Funny how we came last on the list! Of course when you come to the Transvestite community I believe there are always further subsets, just nobody has got round to looking at them. From my experience there however There are 6/7 key traits that exist. They are not categories and not mutually exclusive just strong drives that dominate many of our dressing sessions to a greater or lesser extent.
  • The Mirror Transvestite – this is the TV who just loves the look that they create principally for themselves. They focus for hours on getting ‘the’ look that is just right for them. It may be the same every day or different another day but something triggers it and the inherent perfectionism in them makes them want to get it just right. If you are a social event these girls will be late because it just has to be right. They come out principally to be appreciated for what they have done.
  • The Social Transvestite – are TV’s who enjoy dressing and being out in a very vanilla environment, particularly during the day. They get a real buzz from being noticed by the general public some because they liek the fact the are creating a bit of a stir and others because it means an element of acceptance
  • The Thrill Seeking Transvestite – these Trannies like to gou out to more fun environment, particularly at night where they can dress in a racier manner and play fun and games with the locals be it in bars clubs or parties. Its not of a sexual nature but being sexy is a vital buzz for them. They have to be seen and appreciated and dress accordingly
  • The Sexual Transvestite – are the ones who want to dress and play. They may be Gay or the act of dressing brings an element of ambiguity to their sexuality but ultimately the want a sexual encounter at some stage in the proceedings
  • The Balanced Transvestite – this babe wants it all! They bring in all the elements. A complete time dressing in front of the mirror, out during the day, party at night and then maybe a romantic interlude. Deny them any part of the experience and the feel unfulfilled.
  • The Quick Fix Transvestite – mainly for the closet TV’s, normally done at home this is the one who needs just an hour or two to let the girl out purely to relax and calm down. For these its a coping mechanism probably whilst the partner is out that sates the beast within but not for long!
  • The ME Transvestite – the one who wants to talk about themselves to understand why they are like thy are and to hog the conversation. WAIT A MINUTE THAT IS ALL OF US!

If you can think of others I will amend this article accordingly, its not fixed in eyelash glue!

OK thats enough from this genderqueer, hetrosexual, thrill seeking transvestite, just hope it gives you a basic lexicon through which you can all chat to one another. XXX

OK being a Transvestite is not exactly the norm in society but why do so many of us have a guilt complex about being one? I have always maintained that the principle reason for this is that society inculcates and indoctrinates us with certain so called rules or standards from a very early age that we all feel  guilty when we break them. Take for example Religion. At school we had to take Religious Education and in some cases were forced to attend Church/Mosque/Shrine to instil certain beliefs. If we come to decide that these beliefs are false we still feel guilty when we say we do not believe in parts of the teaching that appear wrong. So when we dress and get a certain amount of pleasure out of it we are driven by a sense of guilt that what we are doing is wrong.img_3910

This is based on a fallacious proposition. Who are we offending? What is so wrong with a man to put on a dress after all women wear trousers? High heels were a huge male fashion item in the seventeenth century why are they so stereotyped now? Why can’t a person alter their shape to a more appealing form? Men as as a generalisation have better legs than women why can’t they show them off in a short skirt and nylons I think This is because in today’s society image conscious the man is meant to look, well ‘masculine’and the woman is meant to be ‘pretty’! There are no written rules but a he’ll of a lot of prejudice. If the man should waver into being pretty then it starts to bugger up all the roles and status in society and well it’s just not manly, and woe betide the man that looks prettier than a woman…bitch …bitch! So the reality is its us the Trannies, or is that Trannys, who have to change our mindset and say ‘Sod It Society’ I am an independent free thinker who does not want to offend but finds certain things others may see as so called offensive a totally baseless proposition and, even as a man, I am going to get on with it! Damn your preconceived perceptions of what a Tranny is and does. Denying this to yourself can be bad for your health with frustration, stress and the constant thinking as to when you can next dress distracting you from so many more important things such as your family’s health and lifestyle. It’s a strong force within but no where near the top of things such as a roof over your head and a meal on the table. But it’s still a strong aesthetic drive.

tumblr_lzoe3r6e6X1qj1ijqo1_400The thing for us Transvestites is that we do not have a specific term of reference in the same way as a Transsexual has. In most cases the TS has known they wanted to be a girl from an early age. Transsexuals identify with gender, many say Transvestites identify with sexuality. But I think it’s too simplistic. Put tenTrannies in a room and you will get ten different reasons why they dress. Try explaining why you like to dress to someone and it is quite difficult to communicate the fact that it just feels so right to your inner being. I am amazed when Transvestites congregate around the table there is a very clear understanding between them what they are feeling on the in..side and even though many Genetic Girls might be present they have great difficulty comprehending what is going on inside that crazy mixed up mind. They have empathy but not understanding. This is one of the reasons why wives cannot comprehend why their husband wants to dress, it’s those inner feelings which cannot be explained in words alone. I also think there are other reasons for partners rejecting the Tranny such as mix up of role models in the family and social perspective problems but I have talked about these in other posts, so will not dwell.

What I think motivates this need to dress is that there is probably a male and female aspect to our personality and we identify with both parts to a certain degree in our make-up. I think a Transsexual whilst accepting there may be a small male part to her identifies much more clearly with the feminine side and that is her strongest drive. With the Transvestite the masculine aspect is a much stronger persona but the feminine side is something that has to be indulged from time to time to maintain balance of the whole.The regularity of this of course varies from person top person.

I like both sides but my male side is the more dominant driver through my choice not society’s. Tara is about creating an illusion, a fantasy an element of fun escapism.This is not my own hair, face, boobs, shape, in fact its almost an artform (Oh God Grayson Perry comes to mind here!), But it is a definite fantasy and the male side is the more boring reality. I have always said I adore the change of mindset that comes from boy to femme and that has always been the thing that floats my boat allowing true escapism.  A good friend of mine has found the feminine side has given her immense calm and focus in her life and spends most of her time enfemme! Even contemplating the chop! However she still has to dress as the male from time-to-time for society as her family (and girlfriends) are not as accepting of the female. It’s such a shame so many people still frown about such a small thing.

CHELTENHAM, UNITED KINGDOM - OCTOBER 15: Grayson Perry , Turner Prize winning Artist and Potter, poses for a portrait at the Cheltenham Literature Festival on October 15, 2009 in Cheltenham, England. (Photo by David Levenson/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Grayson Perry

I also love the fact that many from my group of Transvestites move down the road from dressing to identifying that they have a more female dominant part to their persona and then start down the Transsexual route. I feel we have helped them discover themselves and sometimes some inner peace. What pisses me off though is how many of them then become like reformed smokers and look with disdain at their old friends who have not ‘become a true woman’ in their minds and subsequently reject the group that allowed them to discover their new route. Ironically they now look at us as social lepers who no longer conform to their new standards. They ironically have moved back to society’s norms. So hypocritical! Bitch Bitch!

Come on Tara stop bitching and get on with life it’s far too short to worry what others are thinking!

(Ironically I found this letter to Society   from a woman which had me drawing two different thought processes one was good for you girl the other was…I so want to do so many of those things you want to stop).Never Done

I have always said being a Transvestite is a great pastime and is just one part of my personality. It allows me a form of expression that has quite a schizophrenic nature to it which I relish. The boy is very different from the girl and I try to maintain distance between them. I have always loved the flip from boy to girl. But I have always thought that I am quite happily in control of both sides even though I of course let the girl run a little wild from time to time. At least this was what I said to a group of co-conspirators the other night. A good friend, Danni Stone, begged to differ and likened it much more to a struggle against a strong impulse or urge that desperately needed to be satisfied and in reality I was not in control. The fact that this has been a constant in my persona for so long even though I knew society frowned upon it in general but I still pursued it with all the issues it gave me. I was giving into something that I was not supposed to be doing. But the urge was so strong I gave in to temptation!

chrome switch flipped in the on position

What Turns You On?

Because this transition is not a permanent one it has several downsides. For example Danni and I both agreed that one of the worst failings we had was that we tended to buy a new outfit and wear it only once or twice before the thrill of the newness of the outfit might wear off a bit. We had tried one look and would go in search of a new one purely because we did not get enough time to dress as much as we would sometimes like. We would like to buy a new outfit for the pure exhiliaration of a new look. This to many can also apply to the venues you go out to the types of people you meet. Many of the girls I hang out with love the shock value of what their arrival somewhere can achieve in a new bar or club. They constantly need to look for a new ‘hit’. One girl I know started her outside life in an normal hotel bar and within 6 months was trying working men’s clubs for a new fix! I know another buys a Chanel suit every 3 months and wears it twice! Is this who we are or is it becoming obsessive? We know its not our whole life but it is a lifestyle we adore.
In fact I would maintain most of us need a new hit be it in the form of an outfit, games at home, nights out or cyber fun! Its part of the nature of what dressing does to us inside and I am sure if this sexy and extrovert drive subsides then probably the drive to dress might also wane.  Bad news though many of my good friends are in their 70’s and 80’s and it has not subsided! And yes of course for some actual sex itself and its causal nature is also a very strong drive. So many girls love the fact that people come up to talk to them, compliment and proposition them when dressed rather than they are left in the corner when they are in ‘boy mode’. So are we in control?
businessman and woman tug of war isolated on white

But Which Side Will Win?

Well I suppose the answer is start to take stock? Is this constantly at the front of your mind dominating your day-to-day thoughts? Are you getting frustrated if you are not getting dressed? Are you continuously planning your next night out? Is the spending on ebay starting to mount? Is your girl wardrobe well ahead of the boy’s? Do you find yourself looking through too many fashion periodicals or hours on the internet adding to your Facebook and Pinterest  sites? Are you writing too many blogs about being a Tranny to justify it? If you answer affirmatively to any of these then probably Danni was right and we have to get a grip on things. Have a conversation with yourself and look at the real priorities in our life Establish some rules and boundaries. Also look at what you really want to get out of being dressed and make sure that these come into line.  Then when you agree the time is right for God’s sake girl go for it!! XXX

Fear is the biggest reason and excuse for not doing something. Inaction seems to be the reason to avoid the potential negative consequences of what might happen should you actually do something. Not doing something leads to frustration, lower self worth and the wrong downward spiral. So start thinking about doing something and break this malaise!Fear
How many times have I wished that I became more open about my dressing much earlier than I did. How many people who attend my girlfriend’s dressing service Chateau Femme say they wished they had had the stomach to do this at a much younger age. And how many times have we heard from people who on going out for the first time say, damn this was such fun I just wished I had done it earlier. Fear my dear fear!
Its a New Year and we are all making numerous resolutions and for many Trannies it is normally I must get out once/more/lots more! But we put endless reasons in the way as to why we should not do something rather than look at the positives we will gain from new activities. Susan Jeffers in her excellent  book Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway highlights firstly that the main reason why we succumb to fear is that we cant handle the consequences. She goes on to show how by rationalising and diminishing these fears in your mind you develop more trust and confidence in yourself and the problems that may arise can be handled and are less of a barrier to doing something. Firstly however you have to confront your fears.
Trannies have a phenomenal library of reasons as to why we can’t handle this whole dressing thing. It’s not acceptable to society in general, its offensive to your family,  others don’t want to be associated with you because they worry about what people will say about them being seen with a Transvestite. You see it as a perversion not a part of your make up and persona. People say its not innate just a sick pastime. How do you tell anyone about this subject? How do you get out of the front door without being recognised? How do you hide your clothes from the family? The list is endless and the brick wall of reasons for not doing something are close to the Great Wall of China.no-fear1
All these fears and many, many more conspire to stop you doing something that feels totally innate within you. The reality is that well over 90% of our fears never come to fruition but we focus on the 10% because its a reason not to do something. We say No not Yes for comfort. Where these come from you can analyse ’til the cows come home but where it is going to take you is in your hands alone and these fears have to be conquered if you really want to move forward. You have to start saying Yes not No. I can’t offer a simple solution in one blog but hopefully help you with a bit of a reality check. I am going to focus on going out as probably the greatest barrier we put up and one of the easiest to conquer.
Lets get a few things straight. It is not a crime to dress as a woman and go out unless you are just being downright vulgar. If women can wear men’s attire why is it so wrong for the reverse? You are not the first crossdresser out there and society is now becoming quite accustomed to seeing them in public. There are very very few documented assaults either verbal or physical on TV’s. The chances of you being clocked in your wig and make up are very very small especially if you are not out in your home town.
I know you are out of your general comfort zone but isn’t that part of the fun. The whole excess of this activity is one part of the drive that makes you up. It is about sex but not necessarily sexual (see previous blogs) and for many that one of the three key personal drivers (along with money and power) that if not sated can cause changes in your character. Stop listening to the denial people. Those who have absolutely no idea what is going on in your mind cannot dictate your actions as long as those actions do not offend others. Do not let others put you down and give you a reason to back out. You have to do it once to realise its you who is putting up the barriers and in reality they are nonsensical.
OK now you have got over the societal implications now there are the practicalities. The bulk of Trannys, particularly on their first time out are read as being exactly that. I see them, you see them, we all see them and we let them get on with it. So what is the problem? The problem is with you. You have to turn off that voice in your head that says no no no. You may not have great make up, you may stagger a bit in your heels, your voice is deep, you sit like a man at table, that dress is a bit too short and  . All those will come with time, if you want them, but in the meantime just stop worrying about the small stuff. You may encounter a bit of whispering but counteract that thought with the fun you are having by being out. You are an oddity but not an offensive one. Just plan how to handle things ahead of time.Freedom-Is-Being-You
Susie wrote a good article to help you become confident on going out for the first time in her Chateau Femme Blog. Use this as a starting point if this blog has inspired you. Many of us have gone through these steps and nothing comes close to the combination of fear and exhilaration of the first time you have the courage to get out.
Believe me after your first time out your zone of comfort for going out will grow and the more you go out the less those ridiculous fears will disperse. I would however put a note of caution. Do still be aware what is going on around you as sometimes you can send out the wrong signals in your dress, mannerisms and actions. As a femme Transvestite you will attract a lot more attention of both the right and sometimes wrong persuasion. Its something many of us rough men cannot believe that when you are dressed others comet talk to you! Suddenly the social tables we are used to are turned and we find what it is like to be talked to first by both men and women alike. Quite exhilarating actually but at the same time odd to deal with.
The point is its not as big a deal as you make it out to be just follow Susie’s simple rules and you will be amazed what fun it is! If by any chance you would like a night out on the Souith Coast of England  with a mad bunch of similar minded Trannies come see our page for Susie’s Angels on Facebook. Hope to see you soon XXX
Bloody hell I love the fun of being a Transvestite. Give me this over a game of footie or rugby on the telly a night out at the pub or a good dinner party and there is no comparison, well maybe the dinner party! Even this month my girly wardrobe just overtook my male one! What does this mean I do not know. But blokewear is trousers shirt jumper jacket and combinations of the above. On the femme side it’s all of the above plus plus plus and plus. Its so wonderfully all encompassing. Christmas Stress
But this reminds me, as its that time of year when we can all go into shops and buy something for the ‘girlfriend’ ‘wife’ or ‘daughter’ for ourselves to beware of overindulging in this wonderful activity. As a ‘Transvestite’ that is exactly what it is. It’s not your life just a wonderful pastime which if left unrestrained can take over your life and affect all you loved ones. purely and simply because you follow your passion in a totally selfish and unfettered manner.
Susie my partner who runs the Chateau Femme dressing service says she is very wary of this. This applies especially when she sees a newbie who has never been able to transform before into the ‘girl’ of her dreams. With the size of wardrobe Susie has a beginner sees the myriad of possibilities that are now at their disposal! The result on departing is that they can tend to go mad in Primark where a vast array of cheap clothing in larger sizes is available (size 8/42 and 9/43 shoes hurrah!). But This could be a problem!
It’s a particular danger for new girls who suddenly have the freedom to dress as they please. And boy can you drain the family budget with your buying habits, if you have a family and you have not declared who you are, there will be some awful questions about your credit card bills at the end of the month.
And it’s not fair. I know it’s a part of you and you have to dress, but dishonesty about both your dressing, and spending is a double whammy on your partner. I did it and I suffered the consequences. I would say about 7 out of 10 of us have either been caught out or decide to tell their partner so it’s very likely this will happen to you. It’s the loss of trust between the two of you that is the worst, part it’s not the actual dressing, even though they may think that it is rather odd!
Dressing gives you a focus, a drive, a meaning to yourself, it does not give that to your partner. It says to her where was I in all this? Why do they never confide in me?  Why was I not included. It’s not about how perverted you, or how gay you are and how vulgar this activity is. Your partner is not thinking like that. They are wondering where they got things so wrong, where they now fit in your lives and what the neighbours/friends will think if you are discovered. gop-cross-dressers
But to you it says ‘wow’ the new opportunities are myriad. And it can clean out your bank account without you even thinking, it’s not yours it’s the family money and even if you are the major wage earner it’s not  yours alone. When I was married I had little storage space so did not spend that much since my separation I have done a lot of spending and it could have gotten out of control. I mean a massive wardrobe and only dressing once a week…gotta get a grip on reality!
So it’s Christmas time and it’s about thinking of others. It’s about taking stock and working out where you are and where you are going. There is enough information in my previous posts to say stop being too self-indulgent and think about how dressing might effect those around you. How spending too much time, money or simply the whole thought process can dominate your life. It’s not fair and to be honest not real either! You need balance as a TV you need to set yourself clear goals at this time of year and come to terms with your dual identity. I am  not saying tell your partner now I am saying get a grip and stop it dominating your life. It’s a great rush especially if you are new to dressing but it’s not a substitute for a good fun relationship.
 I have so many lonely TV’s who love the dressing side but desperately want a genuine girl (gg) who accepts that they like to dress. They have given up a good relationship for the fact that this drive to dress is so important to them that everything else is subsumed. The net result is that when their life is not dressed it feels empty. So they pursue dressing with a vigour that unfortunately never really replaces a good relationship. They will go down the routes of bisexual affairs, they wil try mistresses, they will think about gender reassignment and they will try being monogamous! But the need to be with  a real girl who understands them  will pervade and in the end it can leave you rather empty.Christmas Tranny
So my message at Christmas this year is think about what this means to you in your life. How it will affect your relationships and how you want things to progress. It’s that time of year when we all review our lives we make resolutions but we also have to think of those around us. This dressing thing is a very very strong driver but it is also a life destroyer if we allow it to progress unchained. Be very careful what you wish for and its consequences
A Very Happy Christmas to all of you XXX

As you all know I try to stand up for the Transvestite side in a world that seems to be going Transgendered/Transsexual crazy. The last 12 months has seen the whole TS movement go over the tipping point in terms of public awareness or at least titillation in relation to genetic males wanting to become female. There are so many Caitlyn (Bruce) Jenners and Kellie (Frank) Maloneys and Laverne Coxs coming out of the woodwork to make their stand, and money, that it has been great for the whole T population

Kellie Maloney

Kellie Maloney

in general. There are good things in this in that all T’s  are much more accepted at bars, restaurants and entertainment venues where you are no longer seen as a complete oddity. Retailers just see you as a source of revenue and we are now regarded as a niche market that is to  be targeted. Thanks Primark for size 8 and 9 (UK) shoes!

However this has also caused confusion in the general public as both TS’s and TV’s who tend to be wrapped up in the same ball-gown. Now all TGirls are seen as men wanting to be women and have their bits cut off! I am worried that we (TV’s) are being subsumed into the Transgendered culture and it being such a broad church we are assumed to be the same as the TS’s who are now in the mainstream. The gender identity (TS) vs sexual identity (TV) needs to be promoted more. Now I can hear howls of derision from some quarters that I am implying that being a TV is about sexuality, but this is not what I mean. I believe that in dressing we do experience a form excitement from adopting our femme personality. In the start its

Duality

Two Minds One Body

something that turns us on but as we age we realise its an innate part of us that allows us to relax into another role, particularly in our mindset. This in itself is the real turn-on.

TS’s suffer from gender dysphoria TV’s are very happy with their duality and enjoy the switch from one to another. They do this on a regular basis but it is not permanent. If they want to remain dressed en femme all the time I suggest they have moved further down the TS route

Personally I think we have both a male and a female side and that the stronger one is on one side the greater the urge to ‘play’ with the other side emerges. I am male first and foremost but so enjoy the femme side when I can. This is particularly relevant the more the other side is allowed out. Susie my partner who runs a dressing service called Chateau Femme always has concerns when she sees a new girl for their first time dressed in front of another living being. She knows that this experience is a bit like taking the genie out of the bottle. An inner desire has been exposed and all of the barriers one would have put in the way of stopping it will have been removed. The result of being fully transformed can take a number of routes. Some (a very few) will say no it’s not for me. Some will say ‘oh my God this is just what I needed’ (the vast majority) I will now start to do it on an occasional basis as the want within arises. And some will say this is so deep within me I have to do this on a very regular basis (quite a significant few). About 1 in 9 (sounds better than 1 in 10) she says will probably start down the TS route over time discovering that whilst they do not feel trapped in the wrong body they feel more comfortable in their female form and hence want to take things further.

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Its A Fantasy Becoming Real

I fall into the second category. I love the whole calmer, living for the moment experience dressing gives me. I get off the expectations of the male world and indulge in the more laid back relaxed nature of my femme (note not female) side. I don’t feel like a woman a bit girlish but the definitions are very blurred. There are so many words out there to describe us Gender Fuck (someone who purposefully messes with the concepts of gender) Androgyn (one who messes with identity principally in dressing up)  Genderfluid ( someone who floats between the genders) Pangender (someone who is all genders) and my personal favourite Polygender (someone who has more than one gender, either identifying as more than one gender at once). This amount of labelling makes communication with others as to why we like to dress so complicated. It will be a long time before the public understands a Transvestite, we are far too complicated to sum up in one sentence. And long may it reign. I don’t want to have my fun summed up in a simple sentence. I just want people to realise its a fun thing to do and does not hurt anyone…except…well figure it out!

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Its The Look

But whilst Transsexuals focus on who they are we Transvestites focus on what we are. In defining this our dressing is the most crucial element. Yes I am sure TS’s, and I am sorry to use this term as they are apart from some minor abnormalities women in their minds, who love to dress up and look fantastic, but it does not define them. With a Transvestite it is the way and style of dress that gives us our identity. Default for us is dress or skirt, rarely when we go out as a group do the girls wear looser fitting jeans or trousers, if they do you can be sure they are bloody tight fitting and accompanied by some sexy heels or boots!

This is why Trannies love to get the affirmation that they look good when dressed. They even prowl up and down the bar hoping they get a ‘wow you look good’ compliment. Its their look and their ‘need’ that somebody else finds their outfit as attractive as they themselves do. Many dress as they would like to see a woman dressed and it is part of the whole fantasy in which they indulge. This is not necessarily in a sexual sense just that they feel so good that they just hope it does it for others in the same way…psychologists please explain in more than 5 tomes!

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Even Trousers Can Look Cool In The Right Style!

If I am anything like the TV norm, and who is, then the real fun for me is in the planning of what I am going to wear. If I have enough free thinking time then for a few days before I know I am going to dress I love to look at all the options available. I enjoy browsing the Internet, opening the cupboard to new ideas, looking at old photos of outfits I have put together and generally looking for new inspiration within what is my style. This all helps the change of my mindset that I adore and it is part of my fantasy. But it is the clothes and the actual dressing that really makes it for me. I am sure many women understand this as well. The effect of a sexy pair of totally inappropriate heels, those ever so sheer stockings and that slightly too showy dress that make the look! Perhaps there may be hope for us to be understood apart from the Transsexual world. But whilst the TS is thinking about reassignment surgery and hormones I am thinking short skirts and an eBay bargain!
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