Tag Archive: Relationships


This is one of those blogs where I lose a few friends!
How many of my Transvestite friends say that they would love to find a GG (Genuine Girl) that they could go out with who would take some time to understand them because as a T-girl they can offer so much more than the boring old grey man. However in so many cases this just does not happen. Bringing a third personality into a relationship does not work for all and causes interminable discussions between the parties as to limits and expectations.

Party TV1

Be Inclusive

It’s an eternal question we all ask and I have discussed at length in other posts. However it was very interesting for me to experience the ‘Group’ mentality of Trannies a few weeks ago on a Tranny holiday.
On this trip everybody else was dressed but me. For reasons I won’t go into just to say I really was not in the mood to dress at that point in time. As a result I was able to be the observer rather than the participant. It allowed me to view the group from a subtle distance and with some objectivity… girls this may cause a little hurt but it’s for the benefit of all! Am I now a Tranologist?
Of course the first thing that struck me which is normal for anyone meeting a Tranny for the first time was the eternal me, me, me of the T-girl. But that’s normal and I knew that already. We all see it when we go out. One’s focus is almost always on oneself as this is a fleeting moment of escape from your normal ‘vanilla’ existence into the inner femme. Your rare chance for the world to see the other part of you and your need for admiration of what you are really like. And by God you are going to make the most of it in the short time you have!
But that is obvious to everyone. There is nothing new here. Cameras out selfies taken, gotta post immediately on social media , constant mirror checking, excessive behaviour beyond the norm etc etc etc. We all understand this, perhaps not to the newbies who are desperate to tell the world what they feel and find out more about themselves through the medium of a group of understanding friends.
However one of the biggest things I encountered was that even a small group can be quite exclusive, but not elitist. And I mean that in the sense of the us and them not the, wow how good are we, connotation. Despite them all recognising me as being a tranny and accepting that I was in male mode it was clear that I was not one of them. Also I did not feel one of them in my own mindset either. This was genuinely not intentional on my part but it allowed me to observe them from a completely different perspective when I was not in the realm of being a TV. I felt distant either because I was not getting the buzz they got  or because I couldn’t contribute. But it was noticeable that outsiders could view this as being a very exclusive set with a closed agenda and membership. Its not intentional but there is a commonality that binds the group that excludes others.
Party TV 2

Partying Is For All Not A Few

It’s just like a bunch of rugby boys getting together in a bar and talking line breaks and scrummaging. If you have little knowledge of what goes on then you can only contribute in small amounts but when the conversation gets into full swing you feel sidelined. The same applies to ‘girls nights’. They are not deliberately pushing you out just excluding you by default. Even their best efforts to include you really amount to little as they are so focused on enjoying their own femme time. They will return to your boy mode tomorrow. You alternatively are just not in the game.

Now a few groups who are exclusive in this nature are downright rude and ‘the not one of us’ syndrome cuts in. I have particularly experienced this when Trannies and TS’s come into close contact especially when the TS went out first with a TV group.
I have always hated the fact that in our group we have nurtured the TS feelings of some only to be blanked by them as soon as they decide to go the whole TS route. Rejecting friends on the basis that they are not ‘real’! The Transvestite on the other hand tends not to be so aggressive. By their nature they are letting out a softer person, but when dressed they still see it as their time and their discussion. They don’t tell others not to join the group (as many TS’s I have encountered have done to me) but they can do it in subtle ways that naturally exclude others without knowing they are doing it.
Two types in particular are the Trannybore who gives this constant monologue about themselves and how the dress how they feel what the do yawn yawn yawn. Then there is the Tranny Shocker who gets a kick out of mildly vulgar displays of themselves to other Trannies and the general public who are in turn mildly revolted because, if a woman did that in public she would be regarded as somewhat of a slut! Both of these types offend others in one way or another and create barriers to the group for outsiders. Because the group tolerates them they think they are fine, but this is not the case.
This whole episode got me looking back at recent events that I had attended whilst dressed. I suddenly realised that on so many occasions people who were either not dressed or Genuine Girls (GG’s) were initially welcomed to the group for a few minutes only to be excluded within half an hour. A GG who is a regular attendee at our group politely told me the other day that it was probably time to go because the conversation had become dominated by makeup and shoes to the exclusion of any interest in her. It is ironic given that two of the ‘girls’ fancied her but made no real effort to bring her into the fold by actually asking questions about her instead they wanted to tell her about themselves. They expect her to chat them up! Bizarre!
I appreciate that when dressed we are so introspective because we get so little time to be ‘ourselves’ but when TV’s say I can’t find a girlfriend I now say no wonder why. You make no effort to talk to them as you are so self-interested. Because you have nobody else to talk to this all comes out when you should be spending time chatting her up!
The best place to meet a real girlfriend is when you are dressed not through some dating site (unless you state up front you are a TV). The Rubicon and barrier of your  femme of activities will have been exposed immediately and you can move onto the relationship part quicker than if you have to say Hi I am a boy who likes to dress as a girl after a couple of weeks of going out!
If you want a girl who quite likes Trannies why the bloody hell do you suddenly stop chatting them up and instead describe your femme side in intimate detail that is so so dull to listen to. If that is in truth what you really want.
One of our group has realised this. She started to try to date GG’s but soon realised that her Femme alter ego was taking up so much time that having a girlfriend who actually liked the Femme side would be too much effort and might even put a block on her fun. She felt that it would be too much to keep the girlfriend happy with both of her personalities vying for supremacy. She feels she has a rite of passage to go through before she enters the dating market again. At the moment her head is too full of Trannying to think straight about the relationship element and it would take up too much of her girly time. Good for her finally some objectivity, which of course is sadly lacking in the vast majority of the Tranny community!

Party TV 3

You Never Know Who Might Float Your Boat

 I have started to recognise patterns emerging where people (non Tranny) tend to float in and out of the group seeing a ‘chance’ but never really connect. People would join us but when the conversations came to me, me, me, they would switch off and move on to other places. Many Trannies I meet want to have a real girlfriend but when it comes to the hard graft of chatting them up all they bloody well want to do is talk about themselves.    (I have intentionally repeated this to try to drive the message home girls). Woe betide the GG who asks the question how are you and 45 minutes later says oh that’s really interesting before making her excuses to leave or taking strychnine to excuse herself from the conversation. Yep girls to the outsider although initially you can appear interesting and alluring  the reality is that you can be very very boring.
So be careful its fine doing things ‘en groupe’ and get caught up with that mentality but you will by default exclude the outsiders. For your group to be more inclusive you have to change the subject away from hair makeup, heels and hose. Particularly with real girls you have the opportunity to ask them what they think. You suddenly will have a partner you can go shopping with for both (remember both) of you. She has a new girlfriend with whom she can share things but only if you learn to speak girl and not Tranny.
And now I will rejoin my group who will regard me with suspicion from now on XXX
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It is wonderful to see the huge explosion in the numbers of Trannies coming out in the last few years. The public ‘general’ acceptance of us has grown and the blossoming of the ‘Femme’ side has been exponential. But for the vast numbers (greatest number) of closet dwellers this is a threshold that is very very hard to pass. I would think that the majority of closet dwellers would like to go out at least once but so many barriers get in their way. This article intends to analyse this situation not find a solution for getting past that block. I am not a psychologist! Psycho yes Psychologist no!

In the closet

Is This The Place To Hide?

Breaking the ‘home’ boundary has one specific trait that most (not all) TV’s want. To be able to get out to show themselves off  and get some form of acknowledgement at least once. For many this is a very strong drive. However there is a serious barrier to this called FEAR.
A fear of being discovered, a fear of what people will think, a fear of ridicule, a fear of doing something that is not really acceptable, a fear you might be gay, a fear of what might happen, a fear you will not pass, a fear of being unable to present yourself in a feminine manner, a fear of how to conduct yourself, a fear of which loo to visit etc etc etc. These fears build many many layers in the mind in such a way as to paralyse your actions and stop you being …well you! Every positive thought is immediately matched by the bigger negative consequence. The easy option is to accept this paralysis of fear and not do anything. And lets get real being a TV (as opposed to a TS) is probably the last big ‘unreal’ its taboo left that today’s so PC society, in general, does not have to accept. That and being a Morris Dancer!
As many know my partner runs a dressing service called Chateau Femme and she sees it on an everyday basis. So many of her clients bottle out at the very last minute. Some will sit outside her house and literally shake with fear and then drive off unable to break the fear. Others don’t even call to cancel normally when a sort of shame overcomes them, leaving them frustrated and her significantly out of pocket. Ironically many then show contrition and book again and cancel again. Its a cycle many find hard to break. The mind plays awful tricks. I have spoken to a lot of girls who say they have spent hours looking through dressing service websites looking for the right one then finally picking up the phone or booking online only to let the fears stop them going any further.
My partner knows how fear can get into the mind, but also knows that when they finally dare to cross that Rubicon the immense sense relaxation and satisfaction they get from releasing the girl inside outweighs all those irrational fears. From there they are then desperate to get out in public, but boy (or should that be girl) is that an even bigger step.
David Burns in his book Feeling Good talks about how fear and guilt combine to create anxiety in the mind that stops you being objective about situations and stops you doing things for your well being.  I myself can remember on my first few dressings I wondered would someone burst into the room take pictures and then blackmail me with them? Was I being secretly filmed for the pictures to be used against me?  When I first went out in public I worried what if someone I know will be there. The fear of dressing at home and what would happen if anyone came home and yet I still did it. The drive was too strong. Most of these fears are irrational but I probably got a kick out of the fact I was doing something naughty and most men do like to take certain risks.
The mind plays tricks with you. It tries to focus on the worst possible scenario. It has a natural flight mode built into it when even the most simple situations arrive in relation to dressing. Something of the old caveman always being scared that a wild animal might attack him has built this ‘run’ mentality into our souls. Nowadays its more a case of how Society might attack him. Well if you want to play safe then stick with the closet and read no further. But if you want more perspective read on.
So lets take a look at this in a more objective light. Rather than looking at what is the worst scenario look at what is the likely outcome. The point is to reduce the risk level to reduce the fear quotient. If you go out in your local pub dressed and you are the only Tranny in the bar then it is more likely  for you to be ‘discovered’ than if you are at the BNO TV party at Pink Punters Disco on the second Friday of every month. You wont stand out and your friends will not be there. If you dress at home you or your clothes are more likely to be discovered by prying eyes searching through the loft or garage. If you spend too much time away from home you will arouse suspicions. The chances of you meeting a friend at a Tranny function are pretty much zero  (only about 1 in 80 Trannys are out) especially as you will both be dressed.

The more you dress in a risqué manner the more attention you will attract. If you think that nobody will recognise you then the chances of that getting back to home are even slimmer. Yes you will be clocked as a Tranny but in my experience the worst that can happen is someone asking ‘are you a guy’ to which I answer ‘no a Tranny and I am hetero’ just to answer two questions in one. I can go on and on about these scenarios but they are pretty obvious. You just let the unrealistic fear get in the way.

Think Of How You Will Display Yourself

As to the concerns about other third parties relax. Reputable dressing services, mistresses, escorts and private events will not publish any information about you because as soon as this becomes known on the internet they are toast. They have a reputation to protect and if someone indicates that they have broken that trust then that will be it for them and that is their livelihood.  Other Trannies will not know your real name so have little or no chance of identifying your male self. In any case most Trannies are in the same zone as you and to be honest are only interested in themselves and the short bit of fun they can have in femme mode. You are just part of the scenery unless you do something inappropriate!
As for women the majority that I have met are very interested in a man who likes to dress, they are totally supportive and are always the first to compliment you. (Other Trannies won’t as they are too into themselves, so don’t ask them if you look good!). However do not misconstrue this interest in you from a woman’s perspective as an interest to go out with you. Women quite like the oddball exotic nature of the Tranny but for the majority of them this is a step too far in what in any case  is always a very complicated relationship with the ‘Third Person’. If Men are from Mars Women From Venus then TV’s come from Alpha Centauri!
So for Gods sake stop worrying about what might happen take a dose of realism. What is more important is to think of the consequences of when you do step out of that dark wardrobe. Particularly on the home front. Hah I reduce one fear and put another one in their place. But this is realistic.

Whist being out is such fun you have to realise that the more you get into Trannying the more the chances of you having a meeting or incident will be. I remember the first time I met a man I knew, when dressed as Tara, after about 20 outings, I nearly crapped myself. But there was no way out and I had to front up. I talked to him but he did not recognise me at all, or at least showed no hint of recognition. The disguise was too good. Since then of course it has not bothered me, well not too much, as you still have to mindful of the drunken oik who wants to show off to

Be Yourself For A Little While

his mates how clever he can be by having a go at the Tranny in the corner minding her own business.

But on the family front this is a completely different matter. The more you do this the more you will start to hide things. More time away from home will arouse suspicion. The more chances of you making a mistake. You will become a little more reticent to opening up as to what you are doing. The more you will tell lies and the more your self-esteem will suffer. As you know you will be breaking the trust of your relationship. You will start to feel a fraud in your own home hiding this quite basic urge. You can suppress it but rarely can you give it up. Its an itch that has to be scratched and the more frequent your visits to the femme side the more it becomes the norm and the more opportunities to be caught out.
I would say that 90% of Trannys have been caught out in one form or another and in particular if its by their partner it does not tend to end well. Core to all of this is the break in trust and then what the neighbours will think. See my previous posts!
So you have this horrible dilemma. Do you go with the desire to let the girl out and become paranoid with all the fears this raises or do you suppress the need and deal with the resultant frustration that arises
I have alluded in past posts to the many reasons why I think we dress but in essence I consider it boils down to two basic factors. Either we are missing something in our lives and this is a coping strategy or we have an inner desire to let the feminine side of our persona out to balance the male macho face. OK I know there are lots of other reasons but these two from my experience are the most dominant.
How many men have I seen who do not have a significant other relationship using Trannying as an outlet. How many have I seen that when in girl mode their personality changes dramatically. This is soooo liberating so000 relaxing and soooo allows us to live for ourselves, so in the moment, so just plain self-centred. But its very selfish, very personal and a relationship destroyer for the majority of us. We can’t explain why we do it so how the hell can others accept it! God what a nightmare of fears and emotions this gives way to!
Now you had better go and find that shrink!! XXX
Most of the TV’s I know are heterosexual. But many of them have great difficulty in finding a woman with whom they can share their femme side. A normal boy-girl relationship is hard at the best of times then add the Tranny dimension and things get even tougher. But there are plenty of examples out there and it can work with some effort on both parts. As I said in a previous article on the Lonely Road of Transvestism it tends to be a hidden pursuit and if you become single it can be a fairly monogamous from a relationship point of view. I also looked at this from a woman’s perspective in my blog on relationships with a real woman looking at many of the pitfalls that occur. I even begged women to look at it from our perspective in my article for a plea for better understanding. This however would imply that all the work has to be done by the woman in coming some way to understanding how we feel and act when in femme form. This was far too focused on the me, me, me  aspect of being a Tranny which at times can be so self-centred.
However I thought if a woman has a strong personality and has confidence in her role and sexuality as well as an openness to acceptance of the Transvestite side then this offers some interesting avenues. Rather than focussing on the negatives let’s look at the womancd1positives of this from a woman’s point of view and hopefully this may at least bring a few more round to thinking of us not as oddballs but as someone with whom a genuine loving and caring relationship can be enjoyed. Remember that gender is a kind of performance. Women perform femininity it’s primarily because society asks them to. Ditto for males. Trannies are seen as eccentric but why does the shape of your genitals determine what you should wear, watch on TV or in our cognitive abilities. If you can be open to this form of thinking then there are so many new avenues to explore.
  1. If you indulge a Tranny that man and I mean man (not the Tranny that is just a side to the man’s personality) will remain loyal to you forever. He will regard himself as one of the lucky few who has a partner that has endeavoured to understand his femme side . One who is comfortable with both sides of his personality and does not see it as a barrier to a relationship in the classic (and in my opinion outmoded)  sense of the word. A woman who obviously understands her identity and does not see the arrival of the third person as any threat to the relationship.  This woman is now a person with whom the man/tranny can share his whole life. There is nothing hidden, no doing things behind your back and no stress from those covert times when he ‘has’ to dress. As a result you will have a caring and sympathetic partner who will not wander off to participate in nefarious activities away from home. Most men whose other halves know of the girl side adore their partner for being so sympathetic and caring and return that favour in spades and just like that big puppy dog desperately wanting to make a relationship work for all.
  2. In Tranny mode you are going to have a much softer person across the table from you for a period of time, if that’s what you want. Your conversations will change. No longer will they be dominated solely by those of the more direct anecdotal male world. Instead they tend to turn to more female related subjects . You will find that when dressed they are more interested in talking about clothes makeup and appearance. Their feelings will be more exposed and they will be in tune with yours as well. Their interests are more akin to yours and they love to indulge it. Recognise that when they return to maledom they might be a little reticent to talk about these things it’s just purely them returning to the male role that is expected of them in society as their femme side has been hidden from the outside world for so long.
  3. Trannys endeavour to get in touch with their innermost feelings and as a result have a much deeper understanding of what you are going through. They will wear their heart on their sleeve from time to time and recognise that they must give the woman
    2013-09-17 00.00.27in their life that same amount of time. They have gone beyond the ‘man up’ era and moved onto the empathetic stage whilst at the same time constantly questioning why they are as they are , not a woman but some third sex.The average Tranny is more sociable than the bloke. OK they do want to talk about themselves so, so much but with time and regular intercourse this will pass. It will be replaced by some shared common ground and open up so many possibilities for discussion that the lad has had beaten out of him by his peers. Nights will be much more romantic and probably less fixated on the bedroom. Though this is still very important to TV’s as much as the bloke. Conversation will revolve around so many female aspects that men have to pretend they don’t understand though many do!
  4. You will get another play partner in your life if you can handle it. My own personal experience of the Transvestite world is that when dressed a different persona emerges in both the mind and body. This means that the approach to sex tends to be different when they are dressed. Not only does a softer, lighter more easygoing person come out but also a changed sexual player with a new agenda in the bedroom. Do not get this confused with those who love the whole sexual play of being a Tranny. There are still those that get turned on by dressing and want to play when dressed but these are not what I am talking about. Instead  when your partner dresses a different aspect to their sexual play arises. There is a more erotic side that emerges that is not all ‘wham bang thank you ma’am’ which you get with the boy side. Instead it focuses on the more sensual side as they are more in touch with the totality of the encounter, with neither of you expected to play the dominant alpha and subservient beta unless you want to. The focus will be on discovering new forms to tumblr_m29mjj8Had1rtz49xo1_500your sexual relationship. You gain a lesbian lover who is again caring. A lot of their harder masculine drives tend to be shelved in favour of more ‘girly’ play. Please remember that when back in boy mode this side can be put away until the girl comes out again. The act of engaging their Femme side does open them up to exploring a lot more about what drives them in the sack. You do effectively get two lovers for the price of one person in various disguises. It opens up new and different possibilities if you have an experimental mindset. The question will always be how far do you go. Believe me the ‘girl’ in bed is much more open to suggestion than the missionary male you see most of the time.
  5. As the boy moves into girl mode so you have a lot of new things in common. Shopping will be more fun. You will have a new friend who will love to indulge in a day out (though not necessarily in girl mode). This person will tell you if it’s not right, if your bum looks too big in it and how they would wear it. They will also want you to help them and share the whole activity. They will be desperate to try it on when they get home and seek your approval. You could have some playful  (and remember this is about play) fun doing it whether you both have the guts to go out dressed or in boy mode. But this doesn,t stop there because  in the past you did not share your love of certain aspects of femininity with your boyfriend because that was not the done thing. Well now you can and he will welcome the chance for getting even closer to you. OK he might have better legs but don’t see this as a threat to your role in the house. He just wants to let this girl out from time to time and in any case its much more difficult for him to transform into a woman than you he may have some great tips to share or help you with.
  6. To go out with a TV you need to have a strong identity yourself but it opens up avenues to discover your own persona. The Tranny on countless occasions will have asked themselves why they have this innate drive to do this thing. They will have questioned their gender, their sexuality and their fetishes. They are an ideal person to have round the dinner table to discuss yourself. Most of us find that once you have had the long and meaningful round table discussions with a TV then the more
    standard conversations of ‘normal’ dinner parties seem so much more banal. They sometimes seem at such a low-level they do not delve into your inner being, your mindset, your feelings. By the way if he’s eyeing another woman its more likely that he is thinking how could I do that look and would it really suit me oh and yes she does look good!!
So there you have it you get a girlfriend and a boyfriend a new sexual partner someone to exchange clothing and makeup as well as share some tips. Someone who will appreciate your female qualities a whole lot more. womancd4Understands why you take so long in the bathroom, Is experimental in bed. Tends to have better hygiene and puts the loo seat down, may even be more willing to help out in household tasks. Someone to go shopping with and may even do your makeup and nails. There will be less concerns as to the lipstick marks on his collar, travel time will be cut in half because ‘she’ is willing to ask directions, less football on telly and more sloppy films,. You will have more larger clothes around for those days when you just want to chill or you will definitely have clothes for those moments when you want that tarty look!
Regardless of this frivolity you will have a partner who has nothing to hide, except that little black number you hate, a person with whom you can share so much more and a person who will adore you for that little time you let the girl out. XXX
At this time of year try to put a note of caution to many Transvestites out there. In particular those that have the freedom to express themselves as they wish rather than being left in the cupboard with everything all pent up. For those that have suddenly found a new lease of life because they can now dress how they please certain pitfalls can arrive that can mean that the whole Tranny side can get a bit out of control. I have noticed that certain traits appear when suddenly the shackles of not being able to dress are removed and the balance can shift quite heavily from the boy to the girl with many of the myriad of consequences that can arise.
There are several signs that your TV tendencies could be coming less fun and more of an addiction
  1. You use dressing as a coping strategy for other problems you have. Because of life’s ups and downs we retreat to the comfort of the girl, The peace of the moment. Any time you feel under pressure you retire to the femme side where you feel secure in the moment. But this is false the boy side has to return and you have to get a grip as to why you ‘have’ to dress.
  2. Dressing gives you an identity you crave that you just don’t have in boy mode. On the male side you are that relatively unnoticed grey man in the corner of the pub who nobody talks to because you are not ‘interesting’. Dressing suddenly makes you different and people approach you to talk to you, to appreciate and admire you. You feel sexy when this happens and realise that to go back to the grey side is not really that good as you have so much fun as the girl. You can probably hide behind this veil and your true personality comes out. Learn to let that person out on the boy side as well.img_2628
  3. You look at women as clothes horses. You may appreciate how good looking a woman is but now you are looking at what she wears for inspiration for your dressings. Is this now messing with your sexuality or have you somehow become blasé with your attitude to real women. As a woman passé by do you say wow or do you say I can do that look? If so need a reality check on who you fancy and why!
  4. Your girl wardrobe has now surpassed the boy’s. You rarely go out shopping for the boy and the number of packages that are arriving from eBay surpass any other things in the post! Trips to the shops are more frequent and you are starting to push budget boundaries. Be careful the money will very soon add up and our predilection to wear an outfit for no more than a couple of times will lead to an overstocked wardrobe that then moves to take up the spare room or loft or lock-up unit. Many of the outfits you will never wear! And as for that shoe or boot collection how many duplicates do you have? It’s fine if the money is yours and yours alone but in most cases this comes from a shared budget. Set yourself a specific budget each month and glory in the splendour of the few new outfits you buy.
  5. You spend a lot of time in front of the mirror just staring at your own reflection. This narcissistic tendency is very common amongst us. We spend far too much time engrossed in the later ego opposite and not enough time in the real world. Are we looking at a future girlfriend, how we would like the wife/girlfriend to look? Are we indirectly making love to yourself? This can almost lead to withdrawal as we find a kindred spirit facing us in our reflection. Stop it get out girl it’s not reality!
  6. Conversation when dressed revolves around you and your TV world. This is boring to others, who want to talk about themselves just as much. Just because you do not get out that much does not mean you have to monopolise the conversation for your own gain. You will rapidly lose your support group. You can find out just as much about yourself self by asking questions of others rather than just expressing your opinions to the exclusion of all others. Friends need their own space to talk as well, these times out are just as important to them as they are to you. Stop being selfish!
  7. As soon as you have been out you are already planning the next outing. The places to go the outfits to wear what you might be missing on the make-up front what new looks are in vogue what theme there might be! Your life starts to be dictated by the girl and her outings are constantly in your mind dominating many waking moments. You are addicted to the excitement of the whole operation and the actual planning process is a smouldering slow build-up of excitement. Remember this is a sideshow it’s not the only thing in life. Do a reality check on how you spend your time and what things motivate you.
  8. You are becoming confused sexually. Because we live in the realm between the girl and the boy we are full of confusing feelings. This can lead to a want to experiment to try other sides of your sexuality to gain new experiences. Your new found confidence in dressing suddenly can transfer to a new want to experience new horizons which may or may not be fun. Just remember that the next morning there is going to be ‘the boy’ in bed not that thing you see in your head or the mirror. The mind fuck of being the girl is a great turn-on, just let it remain as that unless it is genuinely bringing out another side of you that has lain dormant for so long. If so just be careful.
  9. You don’t give a flying fig what others think,you are doing this for yourself and others should accept you as you present yourself. You feel you should be allowed to express yourself as you wish and people should accept you for who you are. But that’s not true we live in a society and cohabit the same space. Some people are uncomfortable with things outside the norm and you have to be sensitive to their feelings otherwise you are just a Trump supporter without any respect for others that inhibit this space. They must tolerate you and you must respect them it will take them time to adjust so don’t throw it in their face.

    Drag Queen in Pink Wig

    Who Am I?

I am sure there are other traits and I will add to this list as I get feedback. But the gist is just don’t let this whole thing dominate your life to the exclusion of all others .Remember I write this from a Transvestite perspective that sees this a wonderful sexy pastime that I adore to indulge in not the fact that I want to be a woman and want the change. As someone said to me the other day with the growing acceptance of the TS rights in the last few years we are now becoming that rare group that does not break the law but is still regarded as much the darker side. Most of us actually like the fact that this is whole thing is a bit naughty but please don’t make it an obsession
A very Happy Christmas time to you all. Hope its naughty but nice and remember make sure it does not offend anyone XXX
It took a long time for me to realise that my fascination for being a Transvestite was in actual fact a way of liberating an inner part of me that had been hidden deeply on my male side. It is interesting how with this new freedom my femme personality has come to the surface and ultimately evolved into a highly enjoyable relaxed pastime rather than a frustrated sexual event.
In the early days I thought dressing was an innate drive within me to be some kind of a woman, but I enjoyed ‘The Boy’ side as well. I now realise it releases me from those bonds and opens up a different set of desires that have always lain hidden within my mind. I loved the Grayson Perry Channel 4 analysis. on this subject.grayson-perry
The strictures of society and male life impose so many guilty layers on numerous aspects of our personality that it makes it very hard to peel them off and reveal my real Tranny side. I have talked others as to why they dress and so many of us Transvestites agree that it is how you feel when you are dressed that is the key driver that makes you want to do it again and again. This feeling dissipates when you are back in the ‘vanilla’ world.
I have talked in previous articles how for some it is placing the wig; others it’s putting on make-up; the slinky stockings or those forbidden high heels that releases a new person from within. We each have our own triggers.
But is it the real you? I am not sure.,as I am quite happy to put the genie back in the bottle and let her out from time to time.  I have never really worried about passing it’s always been about my mindset. In fact my girlfriend Susie who runs the Chateau Femme dressing service says to her girls that I have actively championed being a Transvestite and play the fact that I am a TV and not a woman nor a TS.
Dressing is all about me, me, me it’s very selfish and to the exclusion of all others, until I am ready. It is so personal. We are very selfish but it’s such an intense, internalised pleasure that is so focussed on what I want  it’s quite difficult to explain and share. Between us we can identify traits that so many Transvestites share but none of us have exactly the same set. So to try to explain to those that have never experienced these feelings it is virtually impossible, This is probably why so many of our partners cannot fathom why we do it and what we get out of it. The Americans have that lovely expression that it is a ‘mind fuck’. Ugly but very perceptive! It indicates that this is our mind-set and only we are in charge of changing it.
So why? Well it’s simple as we have said society makes us conform to, a stereotype ‘The Boy’. He has to do certain things in certain ways and perform accordingly. Unfortunately we also have another side, or several sides even, hidden deep within us that is/are definitely not acceptable to mainstream society. Trannying is the trigger that releases those needs and desires. Those of us who have been bold enough have found that inner person and let it fly will have gone down a myriad of paths as we come to terms with our ‘true’ inner being. In our cases there is a feminine side (note I use the word side) that has layers of masculinity heaped on it and needs a vehicle to let it out and that is what dressing does. But what does femininity mean, pretty relaxed and sexy I say. The question then becomes do you blend the two/three/four sides into one or do you play between them. I am in the latter category and very happy with it.mind-image
However this issue relates to how we feel more than how we act. Yes sometimes this excitement is pretty horny, sometime we get turned on by what we see in the mirror but for the main part it is that intense feeling we get inside ourselves that comes bubbling up that is the most satisfying. We love the appreciation we get but we love seeing ourselves even more!
But what does this release within us? Firstly I believe there is a sensual side. It was interesting to meet a person the other day whose inner girl came out when she wore sensual lacy lingerie, another enjoys the swish of petticoats, another good old Spandex. These sensual pleasures start the whole release that inner person(s). At some point in time however the feeling turns from a sensual outlet to feeling incredibly sexy. For me for example its with the putting on of the wig. It’s an intense emotion that I have rarely felt in boy mode and this is where women have the drop on the men. But somehow through dressing I can access those feelings because I have found a way to release them. After this however the elements of our sexuality come into play as we start to explore who or what we are. This can lead to different types of fun. Right or wrong but we have to try as its part of the nature of this drug!
I for example have a real penchant for shape. I adore the feminine figure and love corsets shapewear and tighter fitting clothes that releases my inner desire that makes me feel incredibly sexy. In the early days this used to turn me on and I became very sexually aroused and playful. It made me look into alternative routes and sexualities.  However in recent years these have abated somewhat as I much prefer just being Tara and realise what ‘she’ gives me. I found the trigger and can now get into the mindset fairly easily. Though I have to say the removal of all the paraphernalia at the end of the evening is a bit of a come down!
This  can explain why so many girls like to dress up as a Sissy, a Secretary, a Maid or a Domme Bitch. It’s something that is part of their make up which has to be accessed or it is the route to that inner person. I used to think that by dressing and making up with wigs and so forth I was transforming myself into my alter-ego and I could hide behind that veil and have lots of fun without being recognised. I now understand this is not true. I physically need to fully transform into the Tara person not just a bit of lippy and a black dress. I need to completely dress in order to access the Tara persona as it changes my mindset, my personality and of course my appearance far away from ‘The Boy’.
It’s a bit like advanced meditation where people reach their inner Nirvana through accessing an inner spirituality. In the same way I reach a space of inner contentment where I feel very sexy and incredibly relaxed. I also find myself very centred and living in the moment, not planning the next step like ‘The Boy’ would do, because the moment is relatively short-lived. If it was acceptable would I do it all the time? No. The laws of diminishing returns apply and would dampen the fun. Its something I love accessing from time to time, not all the time. In some ways it makes me appreciate ‘The Boy’ side as well!malefemale
I think this is why I like being a TV. It allows me a form of escapism from my male shackles. Because it’s an altered reality nothing is really expected of me and the pressures of day-to-day life are lifted. This for many can become all-consuming as the pursuit of pleasure and life on the other side offers a much more appealing option to the hustle and bustle of the expectations of the real life. Beware!
I think some TV’s and many TS’s get very confused about where they are and the default suddenly becomes being dressed not what they want to achieve. Unfortunately this hides the deeper problems they have. But that is one for the psychologists.
Now I think I have things under control…well almost XXX
Another Grayson Perry Links
Oh God this is a recipe for disaster? It’s such a complicated minefield that I could write a bloody book on the subject and still never find a clear route! Trying to say all relationships just like all Transvestites are the same is completely barmy. But as I have tried to do in this blog I am trying to draw some similarities regarding TV relationships without being too general purely to give some form of insight and guidance in such a complicated fieldtransgender-couple_07-1
But let us look at the relationship that is going to emerge with your partner after you reveal yourself. If you are like me when you dress a different person emerges with a different mindset and a very different playset. I become much more relaxed, centred and less judgemental, I plan less and enjoy the moment more. I feel much more sexy and enjoy the attentions of others. In the past I would flirt and enjoy the whole gamut of sexuality that I could do from behind the mask. That part has changed…well almost!
However I also like ‘the boy’ I enjoy the way he plans ahead, how he makes things happen, doesn’t look back except to learn and moves on. Has a get-up-and-go mentality, enjoys risk and a competitive nature. I like the fact that he can blend into the background and observe (not be so obvious as when dressed) a voyeur not a player. I also enjoy keeping the two people very, very separate with different emails, social networks, phones, websites, wardrobes, attitudes to sex, social environments etc. These are two people in the same body, do they get on or are they at war with each other to come out? If you can’t cope with this schizophrenia then what the hell are you unleashing on your partner?
So now you suddenly present your partner with two different people to care for, love and enjoy their respective company. I think it’s crazy for you to expect that they treat each of your respective personas the same. Can you tell me man and a woman who you treat the same. I can’t and yet I have some good male, female and Tranny friends. I treat them very differently as I have different relationships with them all, and I am not talking sexually! I also react differently to them whether I am dressed in boy or girl mode although in most cases they are mutually exclusive. So expecting the relationship with your partner to be the same with each of your personas is just plain crazy.
Remember in most cases your partner fell in love with ‘the boy’ even if they met the girl first (as in my case) because in most of our instances they spend more time with ‘the boy’. If as in the majority of cases they meet ‘the girl’ afterwards there is a hell of a lot of emotional shock that has to be dealt with. Then it’s about putting things back together in the best way you can. Things are not going to, be the same again and it is about re-building your relationship from a very, very different base. Many relationships do not survive this (me for example) because we are not prepared.
Do not consider that you can just continue as it was before. There is going to be far more scrutiny on your re-evaluation of why you are together and where you both (note both you selfish bitch! ) are going to go.
You must also remember that girl and boy roles fit very well into a socialised, stereotypical, heterosexual relationship but a girl and girl side results in a lot of competing elements and we are not just talking about the space on the bathroom shelf in front of the mirror! In the girl boy side we have roles these can be very blurred in the new lifestyle. How much of the time do you want to be in girl mode? Are you going to tell others?  Are you going to introduce the girl to your friends? Are you going to be allowed to indulge in the girl side on your own or are you going to be accompanied? How will you approach sex? When are you going to show the girl’s side to your partner? How do you tell them how you feel when dressed? How from your side would you see the relationship progressing and vice versa?  So many things to address far less the need for more wardrobe space!
You may be one of those very lucky ones who has a strong open-minded partner that will go with this. You may be one of the many whose partner does not agree with the girl side (principally because she only has room for the man in her life) but accepts that that person exists and has to be let out from time-to-time on their own. You may be the one who says that they will give it up but then comes back to it in secret again at some time in the future! Whatever may transpire you have to give it a go at trying to discuss things.
So let’s say you have decided to tell your partner or more likely your dirty sordid secret (your words not mine…oh well maybe I do think like that sometimes) has been discovered. It’s time to put up and try to sort the coming mess out. So what are the key factors for success? Probably the same as any good relationship.
  1. Being able to communicate with one another in an open and honest non-judgemental way. Genuinely listening to what each other is saying without thinking this is what I anticipate you are going to say! So many of us have forgotten how to listen, we are so intent on getting our point of view across we don’t really engage in what the other party is saying. Slow down and listen think about your response and then say it. A little pause for thought is worth its weight in any relationship. Talking is easy conversation is an art.
  2. Letting each other have their say. On the day you drop the bombshell there is no way this is going to be sorted out quickly. There will be so many questions arising. Why are you like this? Are you gay? Can you give it up? etc. etc. etc. You have had time to think about things , because you have read this! They need time to think, time to let them digest this bolt from the blue and to decide their course of action. If they cannot let their feelings out like you have then they just feel it’s being presented as a fait accompli in which they have no say. Do not try to drive the agenda too early, it will only end in pain.
  3. Having trust in one another that what you say is what you mean and that you are being honest. This is probably where most Trannies fall down because in the majority of cases we have declared our Transvestism at some point in our relationship after many years when our partner did not know. Personally I thought it was a phase I would get over, but somehow I never did! Now I am in the poop because I have hidden it for so long! How do I regain their trust having been a liar for so long? Trust is built over time and destroyed in a moment of stupidity, believe me!
  4. An ability for both of you to give and take. Too many Trannies I meet are so self-centred that they look at what is happening purely from their perspective. They are caught up in the fun of this wonderful short period of time. It is they that have decided to tell their partner or have been found out, it is they that want to drive the agenda their way and in many cases do not care for the consequences (see my article it’s a lonely life out there). The pursuit of being a TV can become such a strong drive that the compulsion stops them seeing things objectively as a result there is little or no chance of the relationship surviving. And there are a lot of unfulfilled Trannies out there. If they have been playing around and seeing mistresses or other TV’s and they think this can go on afterwards they are being delusional. They will be found out again. To stay together you need to change your mindset or agree between you what you can do if your partner allows a bit more openness in your relationship. And are you willing to give them similar freedoms. For example to go out with the local Rugby Club for a few drinks and a club after? Just some flirty fun nothing else! Honest!
  5. Having a willingness that you want to stay together. This is a must. You have to want to at least try to sort things out as you both feel you are better together than apart. Are you genuine soul mates? If so there is room for some movement. A lot of Trannies I know don’t have a sexual relationship with their partner and in some this T-universe is a substitute for that lack of sex. As a result the girl is allowed her times out because the core of their relationship is their friendship. Others survive because they allow each other to pursue their own interests and come together at times. Some have the worst nightmare where they stay together for the kids but pursue separate interests. Others as I said have the luck where the partner gets a boyfriend and a girlfriend and treats each differently. The overriding factor is that both (and I mean both of them) feel more comfortable together than either on their own or with someone else.
  6. Your partner loves you more than cares about what the neighbours think. I don’t care what most of us say Transvestites are still seen as an aberration in society. We are not ‘normal’ and long may it remain so! The social stigma of being with a Tranny is still difficult for many, particularly those over 40. The question is does your partner want to be seen with you in public and can take the talking behind their back that comes with it. I would suggest they do not want to be seen going out with you by your vanilla friends. Just because you have your little secret does not mean you have to splash it over the neighbourhood and have a detrimental effect on your partners life who somehow has to explain it to everyone. Be realistic they are going some of the way with you so do the same for them and don’t insist on your route and your route alone.A young woman and young man wearing pajamas in an airy modern kitchen talking over cups of coffee.
  7. You are both open to a plan. Like everything in life you must have an idea of where you are going, how you will resolve issues, agree what the limits are, what the penalties will be and then review it after say 3 months or so. Then make adjustments to the plan. If you recognise that it is not set in stone but something that evolves then you have the basis of a way forward if you want to.
Look it’s not going to be easy relationships never are. How did I do on this scale the first time Fail Fail Fail all my fault. How have I done more recently Pass, Fail, Pass, Fail, The Jury’s Out. The core of all the problem is Trust and Forgiveness. But you have to realise for some this is not possible, it’s just too big a step to live with a Transvestite, shame we offer so much! I need a drink things are getting awfully deep!!
Tara XXX
OK we Trannies like to dress and enjoy the whole aspect of transforming ourselves into our alter ego. Well I do and that is the whole purpose of these blogs! But the main question we constantly ask is what drives us to be like this and why do I consistently need to come back to this? Why can I go some time without dressing and then something sets it off and the girl emerges?
Girl.Question.Mark
From my initial experiences of dressing I know it was very much a bit of sexual fun. In the early years I got very excited by the whole turn-on of dressing and enjoyed the immense physical thrill of it all in mind and body! This was a rare activity in a busy life and my reasons for doing this were mixed. But as the years progressed I now realise it has become a much deeper experience and an essential part of me. The thrill and excitement of the whole process of getting ‘made-up’ has now been replaced by a need to achieve that calmness that I now get from being dressed. But what was driving this? Why at times do I have this internal desire to get out as Tara that is way beyond the initial heady rush of being dressed?
Having been loosely involved with my girlfriend Susie’s dressing service Chateau Femme I have  been exposed to others like myself who have moved down the path from realising this is something they like to do to the reality that it is innate within them. I have as a result found several reasons why this might occur. I am sure there are others but this is how I see the majority of us being driven into this world of the ‘third sex’.
Firstly for some there’s still that strong sexual nature to the whole aspect of dressing. It is an intensely erotic feeling when one dresses. You seem to be fulfilling an internal desire and the whole process of changing from the male to female persona is an incredibly sensual ride. I can still remember the first time I put stockings on bear legs!!! Part of this is the whole change of mindset and just physically letting go. I have alluded to it in previous posts about switching off and de-stressing. 2013-10-30 08.41.19Some do it very quickly, for others it takes a couple of days for that change of mindset. For some it’s the wig for others its shoes we all have different drives but there is no doubt when dressed we find ourselves in a altered state of heightened excitement which as the years progress becomes much more internalised than that thing in your pants! For some of us however this desire of being physically turned-on never goes away. This is the core reason why many dress and this can lead to an altered state of sexuality that we would never have in boy mode. This allows us to fulfil fantasies that we would otherwise leave in our minds, it somehow gives us permission to experiment behind the mask of the girl. For a lot of us this is where we stop and allow ourselves just to enjoy this for what it is.
Sexy Fun.
The second area is what I call the reflected person. This relates to either something we may have experienced with a female family member as a child or an attitude to a girlfriend or lover. Some Trannies can look far back into their childhood and identify some act that has forever been etched on their mind and has driven this fantasy into reality. Their mother’s stockings, a secretary’s skirt, a red lipstick, a wedding dress. These become the springboard for their next steps in Transvestism. This is bordering on compulsion and it does become the key driver in your dressing activities. Wedding Dress
Many of us like to adopt a look that we would ideally like our girlfriend or lover to look like, but for reasons, mainly how society judges them, they would never be out in that attire or that look!. ‘That is far too short a skirt a woman of my age can wear in today’s society!’ We as Trannys can get away with it because we are a bit of an aberration and do not conform to society’s norms. But we are missing that element in our lives and this helps us to cope with it not being around the house. This then gives us an excuse to indulge as we see fit and not as others expect us to do. So many people will say about other women ‘My God she looks like a Tranny’ because of the way she is dressed. Of course so many Trannies do dress in a very provocative and highly tarty manner. In most cases this their choice of the style they would like to portray and not a wardrobe malfunction. They do not seek to ‘pass’ they seek to show off the things they enjoy seeing on others. Many will see themselves as having great legs or they just like legs so will wear a short skirt. Others its a bosom fetish so the chest grows exponentially. For some its a blonde for others its a pair of heels and so on. The way they dress is a genuine expression of how they want to look when they see themselves in the mirror.tumblr_nbhyg5zCw11sx7ek6o1_540
A third viewpoint is the whole aspect of fetishistic dressing that drives the way they are doing something that is not really acceptable. The fact that it is a bit naughty, a little vulgar and racy creates a certain frisson that is both exciting and liberating. By indulging we release an inner fun-seeker that sees this as a part of their playful self. I know that I should not be wearing a dress, far less a short dress out in public but, oh it’s such fun to be the centre of scrutiny! To be doing things that are risqué and provocative  The fetishistic side can also manifest itself in the attraction to particular types of clothes, materials or aspects of dressing but this is more for a cross-dresser than a Tranny. A Tranny enjoys the complete transformation and the whole change of personality that goes with it. They then want to get out and show off either in public or at targeted clubs. I like to think that with a little confidence and belief most Trannies would like to get out if they could as its part of gaining recognition and acknowledgement for who/what they are! The whole dressing builds their own internal esteem by letting the inner slut out!
For some dressing is about identity. The fact that in male form they attract little or no interest but by being ‘different’ they somehow find a place and recognition from those around them that they would otherwise not gain. No longer that grey normal man in the corner who is not really interesting now a point of interest that people want to talk to. It gives them purpose and the social status that they crave. I know if I was dressed as a male I would be sitting on my own at a bar for most of the evening having to make conversation as there are so many people like me. But dressed as Tara I represent something different and others never fail to talk to me even if I am at the same bar on my own! I may be seen as an oddball but it’s far worse to be invisible if there is that gregarious person inside me that wants to get out! Its not necessarily about showing off just being different both for ourselves and for others that with a little change of mindset for others makes us part of life’s rich tapestry. Yes there are some that are offended but far better to have that and be noticed!
Showing off may be one thing but I do see a very large number who use dressing as an element of escapism from their day-to-day issues. Many are unhappy with their lot, others are just very stressed, some spend their whole day making decisions and want to get away from it, some like me love the way in which I can stop the world for a little while and live totally in the moment. A switch off mechanism or should that be some form of alternative meditation?
Dressing to this group is a route to get away from it all. For a period of time it takes away all the anxiety of tomorrow by allowing them to live in the present. In male mode we are trying to sort out problems, we are planning our future, thinking of what we have to do to protect our loved ones, how we can make ends meet etc. When we are dressed we can purely focus on the moment and escape into a mindfulness that allows us to enjoy the present.
The female side also allows them to give way to their inner self which in the day is hidden, They are allowed to let those feelings come out when dressed. They can get away from the ‘Man Up’ attitude of society that conditions them to act in a way that is alien to the way they really are. They are expected to be the breadwinner, be the leader, be the big hairy person who comforts all around, the person they should look up to as a role model and not put a foot wrong. They have to be strong in times of crisis and not have feelings. ‘For God’s sake it is not a man’s place to cry’ and they should bottle up those feelings whilst other around and unburden theirs.
Putting on a dress, makeup, heels and wig allows another person to emerge. We can change our identity into that inner person. A more genteel side can be brought to the front that has been hidden far away from what people expect from them. This is why it’s very difficult for Trannies to tell their partner. It’s not how they are expected to be. But a true feeling person does emerge. IMG_1706
None, and I mean none, of the Trannies I know are bad people to each other or those around them. They are so much more gentle and caring when dressed. OK they can be a bit bitchy and want to talk about themselves all the time, but most are encouraging and try to be helpful particularly to newcomers. They enjoy the moment they are living in and the fun they can have. All of us are a little selfish as we know that very soon this time of escapism will come to an end and we have to make the most of it! When it does end they experience mixed emotions. The fact that they are losing the ‘girl’ and re-entering the big world is a downer but the memories of the fun time will sustain them until the next.
How and when those next times arise are very different. A friend of mine says the dressing urge abates with every new girlfriend who normally departs on discovering his other side as they can’t cope with the two personalities. However, on his own, the girl comes out from those deeper reaches. Another is a high powered executive making multi million dollar deals on a daily basis. The girl side allows him to forget everything and give into a sissy side that hands control to others. One is just at a time in life where the empty nest has resulted in him being able to reassess his life/marriage and the girl releases a side of his personality that he/she has kept hidden for so long. Others are dabbling with Transsexualism and going through a bit of a gender crisis. The dressing is a starting point to looking at their whole identity. Some feel that their real personality in male form is completely suppressed and that, as a Tranny we can be a little naughty and express ourselves far more openly. To some it’s pure escapism from the drudgery of a boring life again allowing them to enhance their lives.
I have said in the title that I thought that dressing was a coping strategy for life. A way to allow one to overcome issues one may have because so many feelings and emotions are hidden and need to get out. But having written this article I realise it’s deeper than that and it’s a mix of reasons. Being a Tranny is an essential part of you that needs to have some form of expression that is away from the norms of our daily existence, that does not conform, that allows us to be expressive and sexy.
Subtez

Yes sexy, to some a short mini skirt is sexy to others a wedding dress, for another office suit, a long summer dress whatever. It’s allowing you to make a clear statement about you that does not conform to designated standard average as defined by society. Yawn!

So whatever drives you and floats your boat just enjoy the moment because the boy side will be back and let’s be honest you like that side as well. If not you are not in my humble opinion a Trannny!  XXX

Sorry I have been absent for some time it has purely been about taking a pause for breath. Sometimes the whole Trannying thing can be too much. It can take over and dictate your life far, far too much. Especially if like me you see it as a great hobby a bit of fun and a sexy pastime. But from time to time it can start to dominate your waking and sleeping moments. You are constantly planning your next outing, buying clothes, deciding on places/events to go to, who to go with etc. It’s all part of that buzz of being ‘the girl’. The days leading up to the event are awash with many alternative thoughts as to what you might do, if you might be recognised, if you might get some abuse, will you really look that good. It’s a heady whirl of fun for a few hours when you relax as the other person.
AppleMark

AppleMark

This is great and just like any fun you have to be aware of it turning into an addiction. If you are not going to move down the Trans route then you desperately need to balance things for your life, your partner, your friends and family. Trannies by their nature are selfish beasts because they rarely get to dress. So when they are in girl mode they want to talk about themselves and their alternative identity to the exclusion of all others. This in the main is because we don’t really understand why we are as we are and we want to find out more about ourselves by discussing it on our terms. We do this because we have limited time as ‘the girl’ and enjoy indulging in it for very very selfish reasons. Its innate within us for sure but very hard to describe why. This selfishness however can have a detrimental effect on those around us.
Susie my partner who runs the Chateau Femme dressing service sees this all the time. With so many girls all she has to ask is how are you? 30 minutes later there is a pause for breath for the next question. How are you feeling? Then 30 minutes later and so on you get my drift? The girls love this release and the chance to discuss with someone their innermost thoughts and feelings which are normally hidden in this ‘Man Up’ world. There is no real chat about the weather. politics, the economy just about the girl inside. This is fine in a dressing situation because it is about the girl and Susie intrinsically understands the need for a release of those pent up emotions. She knows that in reality we can only truly talk about our femme side when dressed and in many cases this is all to infrequent and the bottled up emotions come flooding out as soon as the wig goes on (see my previous post)!
However when it comes to social occasions I find all to frequently that many girls continue with this diatribe to the exclusion of all others in the group. They just have to get it out and try to turn all conversations to their inner thoughts about me, me, me. The result is that you watch the group switching off, good conversation does not flow and it ruins the night for others.
Occasionally talking about yourself is fine as long as it’s not a permanent part of the conversation. You have to start considering others. I know in the past I have had a dammit attitude and this has affected my relationships with others. It is also good to take a long hard look at yourself.
I recently had some time off from Tara to reflect on myself and you relationship with Susie. She was concerned the Tara side was becoming too frequent because she likes the boy side as well. I was concerned that I was doing Tara purely to help her and not really doing it for myself. The law of diminishing returns was being invoked and there was friction. We needed some space to have a good look at where things were going!Tranny Mirror
I was quite surprised how quickly I did not miss Tara. I approached things from a fresher perspective knowing this elephant was not in the room and did not have to plan anything around her, so had plenty of time to get on with the other side of my life. All thoughts of Tara went to the back of my mind and I got on with living and loving! We had no discussions or chit chat about Tara for 2 weeks and she was put firmly away for a month. However as the month progressed we started to talk about what it meant to both of us and we found we had so much common ground that had been lost in a couple of issues we had.
I realised that I had got into the wrong mindset (for me) of Tara and was sending out the wrong signals (unintentional) in the way I might dress and how I acted. Susie saw that she also had taken the ‘clues’ in the wrong way  and that she actually liked the girl side around as well. We came not to a compromise but to a middle way that actually has been so beneficial to us both.
I have now purposely limited the amount of times I dress and as a result as I get a bigger hit. Its the old maxim, less is more, though this should not be applied to the length of your dress!!. I go out less often and we always go out together! The result has put control and balance in our lives as both of us have to chose our timings very considerately and carefully. We are much much happier for this. This I might add was our solution it is not a panacea for all.
You might say this is great for couples but what if I am single? In my opinion the same applies as I have seen so many girls who see the whole dressing side dominating their every waking moment and this in itself causes stress and sometimes depression. In some ways it can be a fill-in for boredom, an extra in a life that may not have sex at the moment, some just like looking pretty, others find the whole mindset de-stressing getaway from the issues of day-to-day life.
But the thing is this is not genuine reality. When you take the wig and slap off you still see the bloke in the mirror and that is not going to go away. What you have to do is enjoy the moment on a regular and structured basis and not let it drive you. Accept that is part of you yes, it is not going to go away by some form of magic. If you are not going down the TS route then this is a fun side of you that happens from time to time. Start for example by saying ‘right I will dress only once a week’ and see what the effect is. Plan the day but don’t get over obsessed as this being the highlight of your week, Just get on and enjoy. After a month look back and see if you are enjoying things more or less and then adapt. But put a measure of control on it for your own sanity!
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This applies particularly to those who are coming to dressing for the first time. That heady rush that you get from realising that this is innate to you, you have denied yourself for so long and suddenly you want to make up for lost time, to catch up with the others who have been out long before you. You realise there are so many things to explore and learn to get out to so many places to meet others. But stop it will happen in time but you cannot let it become your exclusive preserve to the exclusion of all those around you. You need balance and have to reign those desires in and manage the competing demands on your time. Stop being selfish and realise that life is about others as well. Here endeth the first lesson!!!

OK being a Transvestite is not exactly the norm in society but why do so many of us have a guilt complex about being one? I have always maintained that the principle reason for this is that society inculcates and indoctrinates us with certain so called rules or standards from a very early age that we all feel  guilty when we break them. Take for example Religion. At school we had to take Religious Education and in some cases were forced to attend Church/Mosque/Shrine to instil certain beliefs. If we come to decide that these beliefs are false we still feel guilty when we say we do not believe in parts of the teaching that appear wrong. So when we dress and get a certain amount of pleasure out of it we are driven by a sense of guilt that what we are doing is wrong.img_3910

This is based on a fallacious proposition. Who are we offending? What is so wrong with a man to put on a dress after all women wear trousers? High heels were a huge male fashion item in the seventeenth century why are they so stereotyped now? Why can’t a person alter their shape to a more appealing form? Men as as a generalisation have better legs than women why can’t they show them off in a short skirt and nylons I think This is because in today’s society image conscious the man is meant to look, well ‘masculine’and the woman is meant to be ‘pretty’! There are no written rules but a he’ll of a lot of prejudice. If the man should waver into being pretty then it starts to bugger up all the roles and status in society and well it’s just not manly, and woe betide the man that looks prettier than a woman…bitch …bitch! So the reality is its us the Trannies, or is that Trannys, who have to change our mindset and say ‘Sod It Society’ I am an independent free thinker who does not want to offend but finds certain things others may see as so called offensive a totally baseless proposition and, even as a man, I am going to get on with it! Damn your preconceived perceptions of what a Tranny is and does. Denying this to yourself can be bad for your health with frustration, stress and the constant thinking as to when you can next dress distracting you from so many more important things such as your family’s health and lifestyle. It’s a strong force within but no where near the top of things such as a roof over your head and a meal on the table. But it’s still a strong aesthetic drive.

tumblr_lzoe3r6e6X1qj1ijqo1_400The thing for us Transvestites is that we do not have a specific term of reference in the same way as a Transsexual has. In most cases the TS has known they wanted to be a girl from an early age. Transsexuals identify with gender, many say Transvestites identify with sexuality. But I think it’s too simplistic. Put tenTrannies in a room and you will get ten different reasons why they dress. Try explaining why you like to dress to someone and it is quite difficult to communicate the fact that it just feels so right to your inner being. I am amazed when Transvestites congregate around the table there is a very clear understanding between them what they are feeling on the in..side and even though many Genetic Girls might be present they have great difficulty comprehending what is going on inside that crazy mixed up mind. They have empathy but not understanding. This is one of the reasons why wives cannot comprehend why their husband wants to dress, it’s those inner feelings which cannot be explained in words alone. I also think there are other reasons for partners rejecting the Tranny such as mix up of role models in the family and social perspective problems but I have talked about these in other posts, so will not dwell.

What I think motivates this need to dress is that there is probably a male and female aspect to our personality and we identify with both parts to a certain degree in our make-up. I think a Transsexual whilst accepting there may be a small male part to her identifies much more clearly with the feminine side and that is her strongest drive. With the Transvestite the masculine aspect is a much stronger persona but the feminine side is something that has to be indulged from time to time to maintain balance of the whole.The regularity of this of course varies from person top person.

I like both sides but my male side is the more dominant driver through my choice not society’s. Tara is about creating an illusion, a fantasy an element of fun escapism.This is not my own hair, face, boobs, shape, in fact its almost an artform (Oh God Grayson Perry comes to mind here!), But it is a definite fantasy and the male side is the more boring reality. I have always said I adore the change of mindset that comes from boy to femme and that has always been the thing that floats my boat allowing true escapism.  A good friend of mine has found the feminine side has given her immense calm and focus in her life and spends most of her time enfemme! Even contemplating the chop! However she still has to dress as the male from time-to-time for society as her family (and girlfriends) are not as accepting of the female. It’s such a shame so many people still frown about such a small thing.

CHELTENHAM, UNITED KINGDOM - OCTOBER 15: Grayson Perry , Turner Prize winning Artist and Potter, poses for a portrait at the Cheltenham Literature Festival on October 15, 2009 in Cheltenham, England. (Photo by David Levenson/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Grayson Perry

I also love the fact that many from my group of Transvestites move down the road from dressing to identifying that they have a more female dominant part to their persona and then start down the Transsexual route. I feel we have helped them discover themselves and sometimes some inner peace. What pisses me off though is how many of them then become like reformed smokers and look with disdain at their old friends who have not ‘become a true woman’ in their minds and subsequently reject the group that allowed them to discover their new route. Ironically they now look at us as social lepers who no longer conform to their new standards. They ironically have moved back to society’s norms. So hypocritical! Bitch Bitch!

Come on Tara stop bitching and get on with life it’s far too short to worry what others are thinking!

(Ironically I found this letter to Society   from a woman which had me drawing two different thought processes one was good for you girl the other was…I so want to do so many of those things you want to stop).Never Done

Out the other night chatting to a group of other TV’s it was interesting to hear how much of the time they wanted to dress. It did vary from ‘whenever I can’ to ‘just occasionally’ and more importantly ‘as the mood takes me’. We all agreed the latter comment was the most significant. We all said that at times the urge to dress overcomes us and it is a very powerful driver for our lives. If it is not sated it can make us tetchy and irritable. Then again given my advancing age there is a grumpy old git emerging away from Tara! Its not necessarily a drug but it is an all consuming habit that is very hard to shift.Girls Night Out

This drive can be harnessed in numerous ways from wearing a pair of panties to work to a full blown dress-up and night out with the girls. As many of the girls I was out with are already going out dressed this was easy for them. But I was also discussing with TV’s who cannot get out that much and the drive within them is just as strong but dressing much of the time is just not an option. Result…frustration.
One thing that did emerge from my discussions is that for most of the girls the whole transvestism thing is not a permanent one in the same way that being a transsexual drives them. Because being a TS is about gender. The dressing is incidental. For a TV its much more about sexuality. Dressing and the look/style/fashion is vital. We love it but a lot of the time we can leave it. I for example love the whole mindset of moving from male to Tara but this takes time and if I dont get that freedom to change my mindset I always say I feel like a cock in a frock not Tara! However when I do get the time and space to ‘become’ Tara that sense of elation when you put on the dress and wig and look at yourself in the mirror is very hard to beat on an emotional level. But | personally do not want to do it all the time. I prefer this to be my special time, my very selfish hobby. I do go for weeks at a time without dressing the urge does not seem to be so dominant in my thoughts. Its always at the back of my mind but not dominating my actions. Other priorities supplant it or just get in the way. My rational brain can handle these competing interests.
Then something triggers it and the butterfly has to emerge from her cocoon. A picture of a particular type of dress or some gorgeous high heels that I have just got to replicate. A discussion with my partner Susie  from Chateau Femme about what happened in a recent dressing.  A Facebook posting about one of my Tranny friends having a great night out. All these things set the beast, or is that the best, in motion. But once you have gorged on the animal it can very easily be put back into the cupboard and the male re-emerge de-stressed and with a knowing smile on our face.
This is the nub of what I see as the core of being a Transvestite. Someone who indulges on a regular basis in the whole experience of dressing and playing with their femme side but it can also be put away for another day. But woe betide anyone who gets in the way when that side is reawakened. I do however see so many girls that start as a TV but fairly quickly realise they want to live their life as a woman. These to me are really repressed TS’s. In fact that is wrong they are really women (just with some male trappings).
tumblr_lnjhr5jeu01qk88bco1_500As an aside on the ‘tetchy’ front both Susie and I find that I get quite easily irritated when I have just dressed and there are things to be done. She even said I was hateful at times and generally to be avoided for about the the first hour after I dress, whilst I calm down and adjust to reality! I put this down to the enjoyment of the fantasy suddenly being interrupted by being thrown back into reality. By this I mean I am in the fun mindset of Tara who lives for the moment and is enjoying flouncing around searching for the important things like the best lipstick shade and where the nearest long mirror is. The day-to-day reality of the boy is left behind in this escapist world. Then suddenly we have to make food, plan a dinner party or decide how to get to a destination, find parking etc. This is what the boy does this is all about planning, organising, getting things done, solving problems not enjoyiong yourself. Being thrown back into this is intensely frustrating and just as you think you can relax into being Tara you have to ‘do’ things.
As an example the other day we were staying at a hotel and I of course was taking far too long to get ready. So Susie went to the bar. I turned up half an hour later and I was looking forward to a quick sit down in the bar for a drink, as I felt I had been rushed to get ready, before embarking on our fun nights activities. Not a bit of it!
‘Wow I feel great darling lets just have a quick one so I can indulge Tara’
‘we have to be at a restaurant in 30 minutes’
‘well its only 10 minutes walk away as I understand, lets have a drink’
‘no I am not sure where it is can you text them to find out its address’
‘yes and lets have a drink whilst we wait for the reply’
Do I need a coat’
‘No it seems like a nice evening’ anything take your fancy’
‘Have you got the room key’
‘Yes what would you like’
‘Have you got some cash’
‘Yes I fancy wine’
‘Is the car parked OK’
‘Yes and they texted back, place is only 2 streets away so we have some time’
‘But the others have gone on ahead they were ready hours ago’
‘They arrived before us and we had problems with the booking and I have been rushing’
etc etc etc
You just want to live the moment but its now about doing something and the selfish part of you says ‘I don’t get that much opportunity to be Tara can I please have that time I so can relish the moment!’ Yes of course I get irritable its taking it away from Tara time. I dont want to sort out other peoples problems in this frame of mind! OK rant over!
But it is clear that we do adore our femme time and enjoy the whole relaxation of being the girl. But we all to often realise that the dress will be hung up, the waist will return to a boyish shape, the face consigned to the bathroom waste bin and the hair reverts to grey. That horrible coming down time at the end of an evening when the man returns. However the next day you have some great memories and know that at sometime in the future Tara will return when the girl comes calling. XXX
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