Archive for November, 2017


This is one of those blogs where I lose a few friends!
How many of my Transvestite friends say that they would love to find a GG (Genuine Girl) that they could go out with who would take some time to understand them because as a T-girl they can offer so much more than the boring old grey man. However in so many cases this just does not happen. Bringing a third personality into a relationship does not work for all and causes interminable discussions between the parties as to limits and expectations.

Party TV1

Be Inclusive

It’s an eternal question we all ask and I have discussed at length in other posts. However it was very interesting for me to experience the ‘Group’ mentality of Trannies a few weeks ago on a Tranny holiday.
On this trip everybody else was dressed but me. For reasons I won’t go into just to say I really was not in the mood to dress at that point in time. As a result I was able to be the observer rather than the participant. It allowed me to view the group from a subtle distance and with some objectivity… girls this may cause a little hurt but it’s for the benefit of all! Am I now a Tranologist?
Of course the first thing that struck me which is normal for anyone meeting a Tranny for the first time was the eternal me, me, me of the T-girl. But that’s normal and I knew that already. We all see it when we go out. One’s focus is almost always on oneself as this is a fleeting moment of escape from your normal ‘vanilla’ existence into the inner femme. Your rare chance for the world to see the other part of you and your need for admiration of what you are really like. And by God you are going to make the most of it in the short time you have!
But that is obvious to everyone. There is nothing new here. Cameras out selfies taken, gotta post immediately on social media , constant mirror checking, excessive behaviour beyond the norm etc etc etc. We all understand this, perhaps not to the newbies who are desperate to tell the world what they feel and find out more about themselves through the medium of a group of understanding friends.
However one of the biggest things I encountered was that even a small group can be quite exclusive, but not elitist. And I mean that in the sense of the us and them not the, wow how good are we, connotation. Despite them all recognising me as being a tranny and accepting that I was in male mode it was clear that I was not one of them. Also I did not feel one of them in my own mindset either. This was genuinely not intentional on my part but it allowed me to observe them from a completely different perspective when I was not in the realm of being a TV. I felt distant either because I was not getting the buzz they got  or because I couldn’t contribute. But it was noticeable that outsiders could view this as being a very exclusive set with a closed agenda and membership. Its not intentional but there is a commonality that binds the group that excludes others.
Party TV 2

Partying Is For All Not A Few

It’s just like a bunch of rugby boys getting together in a bar and talking line breaks and scrummaging. If you have little knowledge of what goes on then you can only contribute in small amounts but when the conversation gets into full swing you feel sidelined. The same applies to ‘girls nights’. They are not deliberately pushing you out just excluding you by default. Even their best efforts to include you really amount to little as they are so focused on enjoying their own femme time. They will return to your boy mode tomorrow. You alternatively are just not in the game.

Now a few groups who are exclusive in this nature are downright rude and ‘the not one of us’ syndrome cuts in. I have particularly experienced this when Trannies and TS’s come into close contact especially when the TS went out first with a TV group.
I have always hated the fact that in our group we have nurtured the TS feelings of some only to be blanked by them as soon as they decide to go the whole TS route. Rejecting friends on the basis that they are not ‘real’! The Transvestite on the other hand tends not to be so aggressive. By their nature they are letting out a softer person, but when dressed they still see it as their time and their discussion. They don’t tell others not to join the group (as many TS’s I have encountered have done to me) but they can do it in subtle ways that naturally exclude others without knowing they are doing it.
Two types in particular are the Trannybore who gives this constant monologue about themselves and how the dress how they feel what the do yawn yawn yawn. Then there is the Tranny Shocker who gets a kick out of mildly vulgar displays of themselves to other Trannies and the general public who are in turn mildly revolted because, if a woman did that in public she would be regarded as somewhat of a slut! Both of these types offend others in one way or another and create barriers to the group for outsiders. Because the group tolerates them they think they are fine, but this is not the case.
This whole episode got me looking back at recent events that I had attended whilst dressed. I suddenly realised that on so many occasions people who were either not dressed or Genuine Girls (GG’s) were initially welcomed to the group for a few minutes only to be excluded within half an hour. A GG who is a regular attendee at our group politely told me the other day that it was probably time to go because the conversation had become dominated by makeup and shoes to the exclusion of any interest in her. It is ironic given that two of the ‘girls’ fancied her but made no real effort to bring her into the fold by actually asking questions about her instead they wanted to tell her about themselves. They expect her to chat them up! Bizarre!
I appreciate that when dressed we are so introspective because we get so little time to be ‘ourselves’ but when TV’s say I can’t find a girlfriend I now say no wonder why. You make no effort to talk to them as you are so self-interested. Because you have nobody else to talk to this all comes out when you should be spending time chatting her up!
The best place to meet a real girlfriend is when you are dressed not through some dating site (unless you state up front you are a TV). The Rubicon and barrier of your  femme of activities will have been exposed immediately and you can move onto the relationship part quicker than if you have to say Hi I am a boy who likes to dress as a girl after a couple of weeks of going out!
If you want a girl who quite likes Trannies why the bloody hell do you suddenly stop chatting them up and instead describe your femme side in intimate detail that is so so dull to listen to. If that is in truth what you really want.
One of our group has realised this. She started to try to date GG’s but soon realised that her Femme alter ego was taking up so much time that having a girlfriend who actually liked the Femme side would be too much effort and might even put a block on her fun. She felt that it would be too much to keep the girlfriend happy with both of her personalities vying for supremacy. She feels she has a rite of passage to go through before she enters the dating market again. At the moment her head is too full of Trannying to think straight about the relationship element and it would take up too much of her girly time. Good for her finally some objectivity, which of course is sadly lacking in the vast majority of the Tranny community!

Party TV 3

You Never Know Who Might Float Your Boat

 I have started to recognise patterns emerging where people (non Tranny) tend to float in and out of the group seeing a ‘chance’ but never really connect. People would join us but when the conversations came to me, me, me, they would switch off and move on to other places. Many Trannies I meet want to have a real girlfriend but when it comes to the hard graft of chatting them up all they bloody well want to do is talk about themselves.    (I have intentionally repeated this to try to drive the message home girls). Woe betide the GG who asks the question how are you and 45 minutes later says oh that’s really interesting before making her excuses to leave or taking strychnine to excuse herself from the conversation. Yep girls to the outsider although initially you can appear interesting and alluring  the reality is that you can be very very boring.
So be careful its fine doing things ‘en groupe’ and get caught up with that mentality but you will by default exclude the outsiders. For your group to be more inclusive you have to change the subject away from hair makeup, heels and hose. Particularly with real girls you have the opportunity to ask them what they think. You suddenly will have a partner you can go shopping with for both (remember both) of you. She has a new girlfriend with whom she can share things but only if you learn to speak girl and not Tranny.
And now I will rejoin my group who will regard me with suspicion from now on XXX
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It is so hard that my partner, who runs a dressing service, and I on many occasions have to support a TV who is not disclosing their alternate self to their partner. We know that it’s horrible for them for all the skullduggery and it makes us feel guilty for endorsing this deception. But the Tranny needs support and an ear to listen otherwise they would burst with all the pent-up emotion they find hard to share with others. We can help both parties in such a situation but naturally with Chateau Femme dressing service it is normally the TV that calls us first.
It does amaze me that in such so-called liberal, modern and enlightened times the subject of men dressing as women is still such a strong taboo. It has been around for thousands of years but still forces such a serious divide in a relationship that we have to hide it for risk of offending the one we love. More importantly it is so difficult for us men to open up to our partner as in many cases we are meant to be the strong (and to a certain extent silent) one in the relationship. This is particularly relevant to people over the age of 45 who were brought up in times of ‘older fashioned’ values and our friends and relations of a similar age group frown on such activities. Today’s younger generation seems to have a more open attitude or are at least are more accepting of the wide variety of alternative lifestyles to their own. The internet has a lot to answer for!
Opening up to your partner, or worse being discovered by your partner and having to answer the third degree interrogation you are going to go through, is not something I would wish on anyone. Certainly I was never prepared for it when It happened (primarily because I did not understand why I did what I did) and blustered my way into a divorce. I just could not express  why I had to do it and how it made me feel. I thank my current girlfriend for helping me come to terms with this.

couple discussing

You Must Talk About It

I have talked in previous posts about being prepared for the moment when you are discovered, but in reality this just allows you time to think things through and what your responses might be to the questions that are fired at you. It will never prepare you for the raw emotion that this kind of thing drags into the relationship and if, as in my case, it is already faltering then it can, and in many cases does, tip it over the edge.
We have to put alongside all of this the societal pressures driven by an essentially homophobic conservative media that propagates the ‘wrongness’ (if that’s a word) of what we do because we are not ‘normal’. The result is once again a part of society that has to hide itself from general view despite the fact that it is an entirely legal thing to do. Bit like being a Millwall supporter! ‘I have to do it even though it’s not right’ you say to yourself. Result stress and frustration. Not a very happy cocktail.
Even when you have discussed this between you and your partner it is going to take a long, long time for trust to return to your relationship. E£specially when this bombshell arrives after a long and seemingly good relationship. I
f you are a caring person you just don’t want to dump all of what you feel in one hit. Its better to drip it in a bit at a time. If you have been hiding it from your partner for a long time your relationship is never going to be the same again. However if the bond between you is strong enough then this is a new beginning, a way to bring some freshness and vigour to your lives and a new perspective. The dynamics may have changed but the love can still remain. Don’t look at it as starting again more a development you have to deal with. Life is not one smooth line its a series of intersections where you decide your direction.
Being quite a private person in general I still feel embarrassed about talking about being a Tranny. I have been conditioned by both society and myself about that for so so long. The guilt still remains even though I know I am over-thinking it all the time. I still worry what people are thinking and whether I am embarrassing them. It’s just s big guilt trip from time to time.
 It gets easier as time goes. You gradually open up to others, you show your partner what you have bought and very occasionally tell them that you would like to dress that evening. But there is also a huge amount of guilt at the back of my mind as to what I did and the fact that society still frowns on it. I am also loathe to become a ‘Trannybore’ who feels they have to tell everyone everything about being a Tranny (except in this Blog), when in reality it is just too much for them and the bulk of them do not want that depth of information. You are just dumping your need to tell others about being a Tranny purely because they have offered a sympathetic ear. They would like to have a conversation not a bloody monologue.
Accepting you is one thing a reasonably easy step, understanding you is completely different. How can the bald-headed, grey haired man with a paunch be the same as the blonde tight waisted short skirted Tranny sitting in front of me! How ridiculous, what the hell is he/she on about? Where do I as a female stand in this new relationship? What are they thinking?
Just as I, Tara, personally don’t get the adult baby thing so why should I expect others to get the Tranny thing. Acceptance is good enough I don’t want appreciation…well not that much!. But what would I think if an adult baby walked into my local restaurant and started acting up as they do? After all I am a guy who likes to wear a frock! Oh the duplicity of my thoughts. And so it is for everybody else.
To be honest from my personal experience I find it is only strong, open-minded women who are confident in their own sexuality and gender that can really accept a Tranny into a relationship. They can deal with the duality. The ones who are worried about who this person is, how it will affect their roles in the relationship and what friends family and neighbours might say have greater problems. They are more concerned with their status in society. They may accept it a little but deep down they worry about what others will think of them going out with a Tranny.
It’s really hard to look at this from a totally rational point of view. He is putting on clothes (and other items) that a woman wears. OK I can do that but what about the fake boobs does he want to be a woman or to attract men? Some crossdressers, I have heard,  are gay is that what my man is? Will he want to dress even more if I let him? Is this different person to the man I married? Where does this leave our relationship sexually? Just because both of you have come to terms with it, and that has probably taken you a fair bit of time, doesn’t mean that she is going to understand you over night.
Even when many have come out to their partner it is rarely fully acceptable and the partner endeavours to put limits on what the TV can do and when. However this fails to understand the depth of the drive to dress. I say this is a need not a want and on the Maslow Hierarchy of Needs this is very very high. We are talking about letting a part of your true inner self out, not a quick fix of wearing stockings!
So now we are only allowed to dress once a month well it may seem a start, but even that will have limits because we are visiting Aunty Jenny’s and you can’t have shaved legs in shorts. You definitely cannot have shaved eyebrows and please hide those clothes somewhere else. You look to compensate but once a month is suddenly not enough for the newly liberated girl. Suddenly business trips away, nights out with the lads, working late at he office all increase. The trust is broken again. This is a very deep-seated part of your personality that has to be sated by hook or by crook, and sometimes you do feel like the latter afterwards. You need consent that this is part of your life and is not just managed by her terms.

Mature Tranny

Is this so bad?

I find it very difficult to explain to someone who has never experienced their femme side. My girlfriend asked me the other day after almost 5 years of being together ‘so you feel like a women then don’t you? And that was from a woman who runs one of the leading dressing services in the UK. I said funnily enough I don’t. There is no term in English (He or She) for the Third Person because it is not a gender, note the use of person not sex which I see bandied about. I don’t feel specifically male or female and I don’t feel like some androgynous in-between. I am just a man who enjoys the whole aspect of feeling quite sexy (please not sexual) when he dresses in non-male clothes. It gives me a huge buzz and allows an aspect of my personality out, which is normally hidden.
Through the whole aspect of dressing you are releasing an inner person that in normal daily life is suppressed. In a fraught, to a large extent macho, male world dressing gives me an intense sense of focused relaxation where I live in the moment, I am quite selfish and get very frustrated if people impinge on my Tara time. There is also an element of sexy escapism. I have never felt sexy as a man but dressed I can identify with that emotion. I have found that one of the key elements of felling sexy is that you look at yourself in the mirror and you fancy the look you are putting out. My partner says she felt the same at Seventeen years old!
This brings out your other side, a different you, not a woman. It can be mistaken for an alternative person, but it’s not really its just the hidden side emerging that makes you whole and for a period of time we give over to the dark, no, pretty side! For some its a genuine form of escapism for others it’s an enhancement to their life. Whatever the reason this makes you a more complete person and your partner has to understand that trying to tame this once the cat is out of the bag is going to be very difficult. What is difficult for them is that this is not necessarily the person they know and it is such a mind fuck to understand who their partner really has become in their eyes.
Once you tell your partner your life is never going to be the same. Repeat never going to be the same. Unless you are at the start of a relationship telling them is basically going to be a break of their trust in you. This has to be healed.

Mature Blue

Why is this wrong?

I have talked to many wives who have found their husband dressed and the hardest thing for them is the bond between them has been broken. They now regard everything you do with much more suspicion than before. They will be hurt and possibly be appalled by you. They may be vengeful, they may want the distance in the bedroom or in the house. They may want a divorce or trial separation. Above all they are not just going to shrug their shoulders and say ah well! Do not delude yourself it will be alright with little or no effort on your part! You have to work at it of you want the relationship to survive. I am not going to try to tell you how to get round this. I am no role model. I messed up big time.
You may need some counselling or mediation which is good but a nightmare to open up again to a third-party. Your biggest problem is that you have become so used to hiding your feelings, activities and actions that it is now second nature to you. Overcoming the reticence to talk about this ‘shameful’ hobby is not easy because you have run effectively two lives.
My problem is that being a man I like putting things into boxes and I like the two lives syndrome. I enjoy taking Tara out of the box changing my mindset and then putting her back to be enjoyed another day. Its something special not everyday. Yes she is constantly at the back of the mind day in day out but purely just ticking over ready to rise up when I can fully dress. This is when the true mindset emerges. But to Mr Box Man this is part of the fun. The Change. I don’t think my girlfriend really understands the buzz I get from this transfer. I like to take my time over it and love the whole experience of planning it. However if I did it all the time then there would be diminishing returns for me.
I understand that for others the drive is even stronger and to them it becomes an essential part of their daily life. It gives them a form and identity that is so much better than their dull ‘grey man’. In many, particularly those of more mature years, it also gives them some new sense of purpose. To many it gives them a sexual release that they cannot get elsewhere. Others like me just like the buzz of it all.
No two Trannies are identical in what their dressing does to them and how they go about it. What it is, is a great voyage of discovery that is essentially theirs and theirs alone. Bringing it into a relationship will change things forever but it has to be done for your own sanity. XXX

It is wonderful to see the huge explosion in the numbers of Trannies coming out in the last few years. The public ‘general’ acceptance of us has grown and the blossoming of the ‘Femme’ side has been exponential. But for the vast numbers (greatest number) of closet dwellers this is a threshold that is very very hard to pass. I would think that the majority of closet dwellers would like to go out at least once but so many barriers get in their way. This article intends to analyse this situation not find a solution for getting past that block. I am not a psychologist! Psycho yes Psychologist no!

In the closet

Is This The Place To Hide?

Breaking the ‘home’ boundary has one specific trait that most (not all) TV’s want. To be able to get out to show themselves off  and get some form of acknowledgement at least once. For many this is a very strong drive. However there is a serious barrier to this called FEAR.
A fear of being discovered, a fear of what people will think, a fear of ridicule, a fear of doing something that is not really acceptable, a fear you might be gay, a fear of what might happen, a fear you will not pass, a fear of being unable to present yourself in a feminine manner, a fear of how to conduct yourself, a fear of which loo to visit etc etc etc. These fears build many many layers in the mind in such a way as to paralyse your actions and stop you being …well you! Every positive thought is immediately matched by the bigger negative consequence. The easy option is to accept this paralysis of fear and not do anything. And lets get real being a TV (as opposed to a TS) is probably the last big ‘unreal’ its taboo left that today’s so PC society, in general, does not have to accept. That and being a Morris Dancer!
As many know my partner runs a dressing service called Chateau Femme and she sees it on an everyday basis. So many of her clients bottle out at the very last minute. Some will sit outside her house and literally shake with fear and then drive off unable to break the fear. Others don’t even call to cancel normally when a sort of shame overcomes them, leaving them frustrated and her significantly out of pocket. Ironically many then show contrition and book again and cancel again. Its a cycle many find hard to break. The mind plays awful tricks. I have spoken to a lot of girls who say they have spent hours looking through dressing service websites looking for the right one then finally picking up the phone or booking online only to let the fears stop them going any further.
My partner knows how fear can get into the mind, but also knows that when they finally dare to cross that Rubicon the immense sense relaxation and satisfaction they get from releasing the girl inside outweighs all those irrational fears. From there they are then desperate to get out in public, but boy (or should that be girl) is that an even bigger step.
David Burns in his book Feeling Good talks about how fear and guilt combine to create anxiety in the mind that stops you being objective about situations and stops you doing things for your well being.  I myself can remember on my first few dressings I wondered would someone burst into the room take pictures and then blackmail me with them? Was I being secretly filmed for the pictures to be used against me?  When I first went out in public I worried what if someone I know will be there. The fear of dressing at home and what would happen if anyone came home and yet I still did it. The drive was too strong. Most of these fears are irrational but I probably got a kick out of the fact I was doing something naughty and most men do like to take certain risks.
The mind plays tricks with you. It tries to focus on the worst possible scenario. It has a natural flight mode built into it when even the most simple situations arrive in relation to dressing. Something of the old caveman always being scared that a wild animal might attack him has built this ‘run’ mentality into our souls. Nowadays its more a case of how Society might attack him. Well if you want to play safe then stick with the closet and read no further. But if you want more perspective read on.
So lets take a look at this in a more objective light. Rather than looking at what is the worst scenario look at what is the likely outcome. The point is to reduce the risk level to reduce the fear quotient. If you go out in your local pub dressed and you are the only Tranny in the bar then it is more likely  for you to be ‘discovered’ than if you are at the BNO TV party at Pink Punters Disco on the second Friday of every month. You wont stand out and your friends will not be there. If you dress at home you or your clothes are more likely to be discovered by prying eyes searching through the loft or garage. If you spend too much time away from home you will arouse suspicions. The chances of you meeting a friend at a Tranny function are pretty much zero  (only about 1 in 80 Trannys are out) especially as you will both be dressed.

The more you dress in a risqué manner the more attention you will attract. If you think that nobody will recognise you then the chances of that getting back to home are even slimmer. Yes you will be clocked as a Tranny but in my experience the worst that can happen is someone asking ‘are you a guy’ to which I answer ‘no a Tranny and I am hetero’ just to answer two questions in one. I can go on and on about these scenarios but they are pretty obvious. You just let the unrealistic fear get in the way.

Think Of How You Will Display Yourself

As to the concerns about other third parties relax. Reputable dressing services, mistresses, escorts and private events will not publish any information about you because as soon as this becomes known on the internet they are toast. They have a reputation to protect and if someone indicates that they have broken that trust then that will be it for them and that is their livelihood.  Other Trannies will not know your real name so have little or no chance of identifying your male self. In any case most Trannies are in the same zone as you and to be honest are only interested in themselves and the short bit of fun they can have in femme mode. You are just part of the scenery unless you do something inappropriate!
As for women the majority that I have met are very interested in a man who likes to dress, they are totally supportive and are always the first to compliment you. (Other Trannies won’t as they are too into themselves, so don’t ask them if you look good!). However do not misconstrue this interest in you from a woman’s perspective as an interest to go out with you. Women quite like the oddball exotic nature of the Tranny but for the majority of them this is a step too far in what in any case  is always a very complicated relationship with the ‘Third Person’. If Men are from Mars Women From Venus then TV’s come from Alpha Centauri!
So for Gods sake stop worrying about what might happen take a dose of realism. What is more important is to think of the consequences of when you do step out of that dark wardrobe. Particularly on the home front. Hah I reduce one fear and put another one in their place. But this is realistic.

Whist being out is such fun you have to realise that the more you get into Trannying the more the chances of you having a meeting or incident will be. I remember the first time I met a man I knew, when dressed as Tara, after about 20 outings, I nearly crapped myself. But there was no way out and I had to front up. I talked to him but he did not recognise me at all, or at least showed no hint of recognition. The disguise was too good. Since then of course it has not bothered me, well not too much, as you still have to mindful of the drunken oik who wants to show off to

Be Yourself For A Little While

his mates how clever he can be by having a go at the Tranny in the corner minding her own business.

But on the family front this is a completely different matter. The more you do this the more you will start to hide things. More time away from home will arouse suspicion. The more chances of you making a mistake. You will become a little more reticent to opening up as to what you are doing. The more you will tell lies and the more your self-esteem will suffer. As you know you will be breaking the trust of your relationship. You will start to feel a fraud in your own home hiding this quite basic urge. You can suppress it but rarely can you give it up. Its an itch that has to be scratched and the more frequent your visits to the femme side the more it becomes the norm and the more opportunities to be caught out.
I would say that 90% of Trannys have been caught out in one form or another and in particular if its by their partner it does not tend to end well. Core to all of this is the break in trust and then what the neighbours will think. See my previous posts!
So you have this horrible dilemma. Do you go with the desire to let the girl out and become paranoid with all the fears this raises or do you suppress the need and deal with the resultant frustration that arises
I have alluded in past posts to the many reasons why I think we dress but in essence I consider it boils down to two basic factors. Either we are missing something in our lives and this is a coping strategy or we have an inner desire to let the feminine side of our persona out to balance the male macho face. OK I know there are lots of other reasons but these two from my experience are the most dominant.
How many men have I seen who do not have a significant other relationship using Trannying as an outlet. How many have I seen that when in girl mode their personality changes dramatically. This is soooo liberating so000 relaxing and soooo allows us to live for ourselves, so in the moment, so just plain self-centred. But its very selfish, very personal and a relationship destroyer for the majority of us. We can’t explain why we do it so how the hell can others accept it! God what a nightmare of fears and emotions this gives way to!
Now you had better go and find that shrink!! XXX

Sorry and Thanks During My Absence

I apologise for my absence over the last few months. This has been to the usual personal issues that we all face in our lives. In my case my TV life was being held against me as a bargaining chip or a bit of blackmail so I decided to give it a rest whilst things were cleared…up to a certain extent.

As far as I am concerned those things can go hang themselves. I am what I am and will continue to espouse the virtues and trials of being a Transvestite. I would like to thank all of those for their support over this period of time and allowing me to get on with enjoying this mad roller coaster of a life. In my absence I have not been idle so the first few will come thick and fast

Finally thanks to the many for their feedback on the posts as it gives one renewed vigour to push the Tranny side which as regular readers know I consider to be the last ridiculous legal taboo in society which needs to be explained to a very sceptical public.

Remember life is not a dress rehearsal so on with the show xx

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