Tag Archive: Cross-dressing


In my experiences in Transvestism, and with my partner Susie’s dressing service Chateau Femme I have seen many, many types of Trannies who have such a disparate variety of wants and peccadilloes that I have always maintained  each one is unique.This means that whilst we may have some common traits rarely can one TV totally identify with another’s likes and wants.
This being said I have found that these needs and wants tend to fall into 6 broad categories. OK we can identify ourselves in several categories but I believe one is dominant. By identifying them I hope to show those that continuously question themselves about why they are like they are they are not alone. img_4247

I would however also put the rider that these are not mutually exclusive rather they are the most common things that move us towards Transvestism. Also I consider that priorities change as we move from closet to the club and eventually to the big wide vanilla world and we ‘overcome’ early urges in favour of more solid loves!

  1. The Copers – are people who are going through a particular life changing moment especially in relationships. For them times are stressful and there is a need for some form of escape or just the peace of mind that Transvestism affords them. We gain both focus and relief. This is particularly true for men who are meant to be the ‘rock’ of the house and should not show their feelings and concerns.They however need an outlet for this stress, something to hang onto or a place to go when things get tough that brings an element of security. I particularly see it in middle aged men whose longer-term  relationship has plateaued or is in decline. One thing being a Tranny does is that it allows them to live in the present, a form of mindfulness with a kinky edge. It allows them to switch off into an alter ego. No past concerns or future worries just a place to ‘be’ in the moment. This transformational process gives the mind a rest in one area whilst opening up other possibilities that lie dormant or suppressed due to the stress of day-to-day living  which has taken over their lives. Most of this type do not know where this ‘femme’ side is taking them they do know however the power of its release.
  2. The Sexpots– these are the ones who, when dressed, feel an incredible sexual rush from their new persona. No longer that grey man in the corner now a much more liberated person emerges. It opens up completely new horizons for their sexual exploits that might be taboo in male mode. This leads the man to new twists and turns as they play with their gender and sexuality. Interesting dark places emerge and it releases a sexual libido that is normally hidden in day to day life. When they are in the early flings of a new boy on girl relationship these TV’s will probably let the Tranny side drift but as things progress and they might not be getting the ‘fun’ they would like from the relationship they start to reignite their girly side again. This situation also arises when they are between relationships and not getting the sexual experience they normally enjoy. For others who have quite a strong sex drive this is an outlet from their marital relationship which may have become a little stale . They can venture to the naughty side and effectively have flings in a variety of ways. They almost seem to switch off their whole relationship for the fun of a brief encounter. It opens up their sexual horizons and allows them to indulge in taboos that their boy side says is not on. How many have I talked to who say that in boy mode they would never do anything with another man but in girl mode this opens up completely new and different horizons. Its a fun and playful interlude that completes their sexuality.
  3. The Shockers – there are girls who get a kick from dressing and then exposing
    themselves (dressed of course) to the vanilla world. No longer do LBGT clubs do it for them their target is the not so accepting world. A world where being a Transvestite is still the last taboo to be frowned on. They get a rush from challenging people’s perspectives but also continuously pushing their own boundaries. They adore being noticed and love attention. They are thrill seekers pushing their own fears for excitement and relish the chance to show themselves off. img_4252Their first nigh at a restaurant, their first night at a club, their fist journey on a train, their first trip abroad, a day shopping en femme etc etc etc. Ideally each one has to be a new experience  a new ‘drug’ to feed off . They constantly get a buzz from being out there, a simple night in a restaurant will not suffice. They want that little shorter skirt or that adapted goth look or that PVC/Rubber outfit that causes a stir. They want to challenge themselves and the people around them. After a while when they have pushed as far at they can things settle into a more regular rhythm. I was talking to a TV the other day who said she started going to Gay clubs then to restaurants and so on until one night she challenged herself to go alone into a working men’s club in a really rough part of London in a very short dress. Here she thought she would be shocking to be seen. Unfortunately they were the most accepting of all the places and she decided that this route had come to an end. But where does it stop and how far can you push your own boundaries?
  4. The Mirror Queen – these are people who are so transfixed with their own reflection in the mirror that they start to withdraw into a world of their femme self. They need attention admiration, adulation and acceptance. But most of all they adore themselves. In conversation they talk incessantly about themselves and how they feel to the exclusion of all others. It is always turned onto them. They don’t care if they are hogging the conversation, if it drifts away from them they go to the loo to adjust their look just to check how good are and rejoin to dominate it again!. These girls tend to be very creative in their look, however the search for what they perceive is perfection can be limiting as they can’t find the next fantastic look! Yes they do tend to fall in love with themselves  and are incredibly narcissistic but they are fixated on perfecting their look. Its both a challenge and an art form to them. Theygirlinmirror adjust their hair and makeup at every opportunity.  They are the first to want to change their outfit 10 times in an evening and are always asking if they look good if you haven’t noticed. Styles combinations and perfection are their drivers. They have to get the look right just to please themselves which of course in the end leads to a very lonely insular life, but its what they want.
  5. The Almost TS’s – theses are the borderline girls who find true identity in their whole femininity. Their identity in day-to-day life appears drab and unrecognised by the public at large. Put on a wig and a dress and people compliment them, love their look and enjoy their company. These are the ones who still hold onto their male side but the Tranny side is slowly starting to merge and they are becoming some kind of Androgen between the two sexes. Their actions are becoming more fay, they dress in girly jeans. knickers and jackets, they sleep in a nightdress and some take mild hormones. Most clearly separate the ‘Man’ side occasionally giving him a totally different identity when they talk about ‘him’! They now buy girly clothes in a ratio of 3:1 to the man. A lot of the male pastimes have been driven into second place . The golf club, the football supporter, the pub goer or the car driver have become suppressed by a stronger drive that gives them identity. They don’t feel like a woman, they never have. Their core genetic code is male, however as they age and the testosterone levels reduce the more feminine side emerges. They get a much stronger feeling of belonging from their Femme persona and enjoy the more relaxed way in which they can engage with others.img_4663
  6. The Occasionals – this is the dump or default Transvestite. They have been through the TV wringer for a long time. They have found a balance between boy and femme times. The urge to dress comes and goes but when it strikes the girl just has to come out and play. This is an inner urge that is always laying in wait and they accept it will never leave them. For these people its a need, as opposed to a want, that has to be sated for a short period of time, but say to them that they can have a week dressed and they will be horrified. They have strong ‘blokey’ tendencies but to balance this life the girl in whatever form has to come out from time to time. This can be a night at home or a night out. Of all the TV’s they are the least likely to need appreciation and admiration, the will take the least pictures of themselves and just enjoy the fun of the moment without dominating the conversation. They are very self-indulgent and love their short period of time to themselves, particularly in front of the make-up mirror as they change their mindset, but after that who cares its just great escapism for a few fleeting moments to be repeated at some point in the future when the urge re-emerges.
Now I fully appreciate that we all  have elements of each of these but one category tends to dominate. I can take certain situations and identify many of these traits. It’s not meant as a panacea for all your worries just to highlight that there are many tendencies within us. First of all we have to stop feeling guilty about these elements just because society tells you that it just is not done. Instead embrace the things you enjoy, but don’t let it get too out of control.
I am sure that many of you must have a view on theses traits and want to add ones that you recognise  in others so please, please do offer some more comments to help me adapt this blog over time. img_4640
The one set of people I would remove from all these categories are the closet dressers, who are probably the biggest group of all Trannies. Most of us have come from this group at one time or another. The problem is that when it’s hidden we do not get the chance to truly identify which of these categories we fall into. Too much of the time is spent in short hits of being a Transvestite or more particularly a crossdresser who hasn’t got the time to dress completely in that furtive few moments when the house is theirs. We never quite make that mindset shift from Crossdresser to Transvestite because we are always worried about that key in the door!
These people  have such a complex mix of bottled up emotions that helps them cope with life’s ups and downs. It initially gives them a real sexual buzz, it is a naughty thing that would shock others if discovered but is just a quick release that is short lived.They live in that weird panic of enjoying something that at the same time, if discovered, would bring their world down around them. They have no time to find out what really drives them they just know they have to do it and get on with those fleeting fun moments that are sadly on their own. Their time will come but first they have to sort out their life.
For the rest of us lucky ones who are out and not worried about discovery it’s time for our own self-discovery XXX
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Most of the TV’s I know are heterosexual. But many of them have great difficulty in finding a woman with whom they can share their femme side. A normal boy-girl relationship is hard at the best of times then add the Tranny dimension and things get even tougher. But there are plenty of examples out there and it can work with some effort on both parts. As I said in a previous article on the Lonely Road of Transvestism it tends to be a hidden pursuit and if you become single it can be a fairly monogamous from a relationship point of view. I also looked at this from a woman’s perspective in my blog on relationships with a real woman looking at many of the pitfalls that occur. I even begged women to look at it from our perspective in my article for a plea for better understanding. This however would imply that all the work has to be done by the woman in coming some way to understanding how we feel and act when in femme form. This was far too focused on the me, me, me  aspect of being a Tranny which at times can be so self-centred.
However I thought if a woman has a strong personality and has confidence in her role and sexuality as well as an openness to acceptance of the Transvestite side then this offers some interesting avenues. Rather than focussing on the negatives let’s look at the womancd1positives of this from a woman’s point of view and hopefully this may at least bring a few more round to thinking of us not as oddballs but as someone with whom a genuine loving and caring relationship can be enjoyed. Remember that gender is a kind of performance. Women perform femininity it’s primarily because society asks them to. Ditto for males. Trannies are seen as eccentric but why does the shape of your genitals determine what you should wear, watch on TV or in our cognitive abilities. If you can be open to this form of thinking then there are so many new avenues to explore.
  1. If you indulge a Tranny that man and I mean man (not the Tranny that is just a side to the man’s personality) will remain loyal to you forever. He will regard himself as one of the lucky few who has a partner that has endeavoured to understand his femme side . One who is comfortable with both sides of his personality and does not see it as a barrier to a relationship in the classic (and in my opinion outmoded)  sense of the word. A woman who obviously understands her identity and does not see the arrival of the third person as any threat to the relationship.  This woman is now a person with whom the man/tranny can share his whole life. There is nothing hidden, no doing things behind your back and no stress from those covert times when he ‘has’ to dress. As a result you will have a caring and sympathetic partner who will not wander off to participate in nefarious activities away from home. Most men whose other halves know of the girl side adore their partner for being so sympathetic and caring and return that favour in spades and just like that big puppy dog desperately wanting to make a relationship work for all.
  2. In Tranny mode you are going to have a much softer person across the table from you for a period of time, if that’s what you want. Your conversations will change. No longer will they be dominated solely by those of the more direct anecdotal male world. Instead they tend to turn to more female related subjects . You will find that when dressed they are more interested in talking about clothes makeup and appearance. Their feelings will be more exposed and they will be in tune with yours as well. Their interests are more akin to yours and they love to indulge it. Recognise that when they return to maledom they might be a little reticent to talk about these things it’s just purely them returning to the male role that is expected of them in society as their femme side has been hidden from the outside world for so long.
  3. Trannys endeavour to get in touch with their innermost feelings and as a result have a much deeper understanding of what you are going through. They will wear their heart on their sleeve from time to time and recognise that they must give the woman
    2013-09-17 00.00.27in their life that same amount of time. They have gone beyond the ‘man up’ era and moved onto the empathetic stage whilst at the same time constantly questioning why they are as they are , not a woman but some third sex.The average Tranny is more sociable than the bloke. OK they do want to talk about themselves so, so much but with time and regular intercourse this will pass. It will be replaced by some shared common ground and open up so many possibilities for discussion that the lad has had beaten out of him by his peers. Nights will be much more romantic and probably less fixated on the bedroom. Though this is still very important to TV’s as much as the bloke. Conversation will revolve around so many female aspects that men have to pretend they don’t understand though many do!
  4. You will get another play partner in your life if you can handle it. My own personal experience of the Transvestite world is that when dressed a different persona emerges in both the mind and body. This means that the approach to sex tends to be different when they are dressed. Not only does a softer, lighter more easygoing person come out but also a changed sexual player with a new agenda in the bedroom. Do not get this confused with those who love the whole sexual play of being a Tranny. There are still those that get turned on by dressing and want to play when dressed but these are not what I am talking about. Instead  when your partner dresses a different aspect to their sexual play arises. There is a more erotic side that emerges that is not all ‘wham bang thank you ma’am’ which you get with the boy side. Instead it focuses on the more sensual side as they are more in touch with the totality of the encounter, with neither of you expected to play the dominant alpha and subservient beta unless you want to. The focus will be on discovering new forms to tumblr_m29mjj8Had1rtz49xo1_500your sexual relationship. You gain a lesbian lover who is again caring. A lot of their harder masculine drives tend to be shelved in favour of more ‘girly’ play. Please remember that when back in boy mode this side can be put away until the girl comes out again. The act of engaging their Femme side does open them up to exploring a lot more about what drives them in the sack. You do effectively get two lovers for the price of one person in various disguises. It opens up new and different possibilities if you have an experimental mindset. The question will always be how far do you go. Believe me the ‘girl’ in bed is much more open to suggestion than the missionary male you see most of the time.
  5. As the boy moves into girl mode so you have a lot of new things in common. Shopping will be more fun. You will have a new friend who will love to indulge in a day out (though not necessarily in girl mode). This person will tell you if it’s not right, if your bum looks too big in it and how they would wear it. They will also want you to help them and share the whole activity. They will be desperate to try it on when they get home and seek your approval. You could have some playful  (and remember this is about play) fun doing it whether you both have the guts to go out dressed or in boy mode. But this doesn,t stop there because  in the past you did not share your love of certain aspects of femininity with your boyfriend because that was not the done thing. Well now you can and he will welcome the chance for getting even closer to you. OK he might have better legs but don’t see this as a threat to your role in the house. He just wants to let this girl out from time to time and in any case its much more difficult for him to transform into a woman than you he may have some great tips to share or help you with.
  6. To go out with a TV you need to have a strong identity yourself but it opens up avenues to discover your own persona. The Tranny on countless occasions will have asked themselves why they have this innate drive to do this thing. They will have questioned their gender, their sexuality and their fetishes. They are an ideal person to have round the dinner table to discuss yourself. Most of us find that once you have had the long and meaningful round table discussions with a TV then the more
    standard conversations of ‘normal’ dinner parties seem so much more banal. They sometimes seem at such a low-level they do not delve into your inner being, your mindset, your feelings. By the way if he’s eyeing another woman its more likely that he is thinking how could I do that look and would it really suit me oh and yes she does look good!!
So there you have it you get a girlfriend and a boyfriend a new sexual partner someone to exchange clothing and makeup as well as share some tips. Someone who will appreciate your female qualities a whole lot more. womancd4Understands why you take so long in the bathroom, Is experimental in bed. Tends to have better hygiene and puts the loo seat down, may even be more willing to help out in household tasks. Someone to go shopping with and may even do your makeup and nails. There will be less concerns as to the lipstick marks on his collar, travel time will be cut in half because ‘she’ is willing to ask directions, less football on telly and more sloppy films,. You will have more larger clothes around for those days when you just want to chill or you will definitely have clothes for those moments when you want that tarty look!
Regardless of this frivolity you will have a partner who has nothing to hide, except that little black number you hate, a person with whom you can share so much more and a person who will adore you for that little time you let the girl out. XXX
At this time of year try to put a note of caution to many Transvestites out there. In particular those that have the freedom to express themselves as they wish rather than being left in the cupboard with everything all pent up. For those that have suddenly found a new lease of life because they can now dress how they please certain pitfalls can arrive that can mean that the whole Tranny side can get a bit out of control. I have noticed that certain traits appear when suddenly the shackles of not being able to dress are removed and the balance can shift quite heavily from the boy to the girl with many of the myriad of consequences that can arise.
There are several signs that your TV tendencies could be coming less fun and more of an addiction
  1. You use dressing as a coping strategy for other problems you have. Because of life’s ups and downs we retreat to the comfort of the girl, The peace of the moment. Any time you feel under pressure you retire to the femme side where you feel secure in the moment. But this is false the boy side has to return and you have to get a grip as to why you ‘have’ to dress.
  2. Dressing gives you an identity you crave that you just don’t have in boy mode. On the male side you are that relatively unnoticed grey man in the corner of the pub who nobody talks to because you are not ‘interesting’. Dressing suddenly makes you different and people approach you to talk to you, to appreciate and admire you. You feel sexy when this happens and realise that to go back to the grey side is not really that good as you have so much fun as the girl. You can probably hide behind this veil and your true personality comes out. Learn to let that person out on the boy side as well.img_2628
  3. You look at women as clothes horses. You may appreciate how good looking a woman is but now you are looking at what she wears for inspiration for your dressings. Is this now messing with your sexuality or have you somehow become blasé with your attitude to real women. As a woman passé by do you say wow or do you say I can do that look? If so need a reality check on who you fancy and why!
  4. Your girl wardrobe has now surpassed the boy’s. You rarely go out shopping for the boy and the number of packages that are arriving from eBay surpass any other things in the post! Trips to the shops are more frequent and you are starting to push budget boundaries. Be careful the money will very soon add up and our predilection to wear an outfit for no more than a couple of times will lead to an overstocked wardrobe that then moves to take up the spare room or loft or lock-up unit. Many of the outfits you will never wear! And as for that shoe or boot collection how many duplicates do you have? It’s fine if the money is yours and yours alone but in most cases this comes from a shared budget. Set yourself a specific budget each month and glory in the splendour of the few new outfits you buy.
  5. You spend a lot of time in front of the mirror just staring at your own reflection. This narcissistic tendency is very common amongst us. We spend far too much time engrossed in the later ego opposite and not enough time in the real world. Are we looking at a future girlfriend, how we would like the wife/girlfriend to look? Are we indirectly making love to yourself? This can almost lead to withdrawal as we find a kindred spirit facing us in our reflection. Stop it get out girl it’s not reality!
  6. Conversation when dressed revolves around you and your TV world. This is boring to others, who want to talk about themselves just as much. Just because you do not get out that much does not mean you have to monopolise the conversation for your own gain. You will rapidly lose your support group. You can find out just as much about yourself self by asking questions of others rather than just expressing your opinions to the exclusion of all others. Friends need their own space to talk as well, these times out are just as important to them as they are to you. Stop being selfish!
  7. As soon as you have been out you are already planning the next outing. The places to go the outfits to wear what you might be missing on the make-up front what new looks are in vogue what theme there might be! Your life starts to be dictated by the girl and her outings are constantly in your mind dominating many waking moments. You are addicted to the excitement of the whole operation and the actual planning process is a smouldering slow build-up of excitement. Remember this is a sideshow it’s not the only thing in life. Do a reality check on how you spend your time and what things motivate you.
  8. You are becoming confused sexually. Because we live in the realm between the girl and the boy we are full of confusing feelings. This can lead to a want to experiment to try other sides of your sexuality to gain new experiences. Your new found confidence in dressing suddenly can transfer to a new want to experience new horizons which may or may not be fun. Just remember that the next morning there is going to be ‘the boy’ in bed not that thing you see in your head or the mirror. The mind fuck of being the girl is a great turn-on, just let it remain as that unless it is genuinely bringing out another side of you that has lain dormant for so long. If so just be careful.
  9. You don’t give a flying fig what others think,you are doing this for yourself and others should accept you as you present yourself. You feel you should be allowed to express yourself as you wish and people should accept you for who you are. But that’s not true we live in a society and cohabit the same space. Some people are uncomfortable with things outside the norm and you have to be sensitive to their feelings otherwise you are just a Trump supporter without any respect for others that inhibit this space. They must tolerate you and you must respect them it will take them time to adjust so don’t throw it in their face.

    Drag Queen in Pink Wig

    Who Am I?

I am sure there are other traits and I will add to this list as I get feedback. But the gist is just don’t let this whole thing dominate your life to the exclusion of all others .Remember I write this from a Transvestite perspective that sees this a wonderful sexy pastime that I adore to indulge in not the fact that I want to be a woman and want the change. As someone said to me the other day with the growing acceptance of the TS rights in the last few years we are now becoming that rare group that does not break the law but is still regarded as much the darker side. Most of us actually like the fact that this is whole thing is a bit naughty but please don’t make it an obsession
A very Happy Christmas time to you all. Hope its naughty but nice and remember make sure it does not offend anyone XXX

OK being a Transvestite is not exactly the norm in society but why do so many of us have a guilt complex about being one? I have always maintained that the principle reason for this is that society inculcates and indoctrinates us with certain so called rules or standards from a very early age that we all feel  guilty when we break them. Take for example Religion. At school we had to take Religious Education and in some cases were forced to attend Church/Mosque/Shrine to instil certain beliefs. If we come to decide that these beliefs are false we still feel guilty when we say we do not believe in parts of the teaching that appear wrong. So when we dress and get a certain amount of pleasure out of it we are driven by a sense of guilt that what we are doing is wrong.img_3910

This is based on a fallacious proposition. Who are we offending? What is so wrong with a man to put on a dress after all women wear trousers? High heels were a huge male fashion item in the seventeenth century why are they so stereotyped now? Why can’t a person alter their shape to a more appealing form? Men as as a generalisation have better legs than women why can’t they show them off in a short skirt and nylons I think This is because in today’s society image conscious the man is meant to look, well ‘masculine’and the woman is meant to be ‘pretty’! There are no written rules but a he’ll of a lot of prejudice. If the man should waver into being pretty then it starts to bugger up all the roles and status in society and well it’s just not manly, and woe betide the man that looks prettier than a woman…bitch …bitch! So the reality is its us the Trannies, or is that Trannys, who have to change our mindset and say ‘Sod It Society’ I am an independent free thinker who does not want to offend but finds certain things others may see as so called offensive a totally baseless proposition and, even as a man, I am going to get on with it! Damn your preconceived perceptions of what a Tranny is and does. Denying this to yourself can be bad for your health with frustration, stress and the constant thinking as to when you can next dress distracting you from so many more important things such as your family’s health and lifestyle. It’s a strong force within but no where near the top of things such as a roof over your head and a meal on the table. But it’s still a strong aesthetic drive.

tumblr_lzoe3r6e6X1qj1ijqo1_400The thing for us Transvestites is that we do not have a specific term of reference in the same way as a Transsexual has. In most cases the TS has known they wanted to be a girl from an early age. Transsexuals identify with gender, many say Transvestites identify with sexuality. But I think it’s too simplistic. Put tenTrannies in a room and you will get ten different reasons why they dress. Try explaining why you like to dress to someone and it is quite difficult to communicate the fact that it just feels so right to your inner being. I am amazed when Transvestites congregate around the table there is a very clear understanding between them what they are feeling on the in..side and even though many Genetic Girls might be present they have great difficulty comprehending what is going on inside that crazy mixed up mind. They have empathy but not understanding. This is one of the reasons why wives cannot comprehend why their husband wants to dress, it’s those inner feelings which cannot be explained in words alone. I also think there are other reasons for partners rejecting the Tranny such as mix up of role models in the family and social perspective problems but I have talked about these in other posts, so will not dwell.

What I think motivates this need to dress is that there is probably a male and female aspect to our personality and we identify with both parts to a certain degree in our make-up. I think a Transsexual whilst accepting there may be a small male part to her identifies much more clearly with the feminine side and that is her strongest drive. With the Transvestite the masculine aspect is a much stronger persona but the feminine side is something that has to be indulged from time to time to maintain balance of the whole.The regularity of this of course varies from person top person.

I like both sides but my male side is the more dominant driver through my choice not society’s. Tara is about creating an illusion, a fantasy an element of fun escapism.This is not my own hair, face, boobs, shape, in fact its almost an artform (Oh God Grayson Perry comes to mind here!), But it is a definite fantasy and the male side is the more boring reality. I have always said I adore the change of mindset that comes from boy to femme and that has always been the thing that floats my boat allowing true escapism.  A good friend of mine has found the feminine side has given her immense calm and focus in her life and spends most of her time enfemme! Even contemplating the chop! However she still has to dress as the male from time-to-time for society as her family (and girlfriends) are not as accepting of the female. It’s such a shame so many people still frown about such a small thing.

CHELTENHAM, UNITED KINGDOM - OCTOBER 15: Grayson Perry , Turner Prize winning Artist and Potter, poses for a portrait at the Cheltenham Literature Festival on October 15, 2009 in Cheltenham, England. (Photo by David Levenson/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Grayson Perry

I also love the fact that many from my group of Transvestites move down the road from dressing to identifying that they have a more female dominant part to their persona and then start down the Transsexual route. I feel we have helped them discover themselves and sometimes some inner peace. What pisses me off though is how many of them then become like reformed smokers and look with disdain at their old friends who have not ‘become a true woman’ in their minds and subsequently reject the group that allowed them to discover their new route. Ironically they now look at us as social lepers who no longer conform to their new standards. They ironically have moved back to society’s norms. So hypocritical! Bitch Bitch!

Come on Tara stop bitching and get on with life it’s far too short to worry what others are thinking!

(Ironically I found this letter to Society   from a woman which had me drawing two different thought processes one was good for you girl the other was…I so want to do so many of those things you want to stop).Never Done

I have always said being a Transvestite is a great pastime and is just one part of my personality. It allows me a form of expression that has quite a schizophrenic nature to it which I relish. The boy is very different from the girl and I try to maintain distance between them. I have always loved the flip from boy to girl. But I have always thought that I am quite happily in control of both sides even though I of course let the girl run a little wild from time to time. At least this was what I said to a group of co-conspirators the other night. A good friend, Danni Stone, begged to differ and likened it much more to a struggle against a strong impulse or urge that desperately needed to be satisfied and in reality I was not in control. The fact that this has been a constant in my persona for so long even though I knew society frowned upon it in general but I still pursued it with all the issues it gave me. I was giving into something that I was not supposed to be doing. But the urge was so strong I gave in to temptation!

chrome switch flipped in the on position

What Turns You On?

Because this transition is not a permanent one it has several downsides. For example Danni and I both agreed that one of the worst failings we had was that we tended to buy a new outfit and wear it only once or twice before the thrill of the newness of the outfit might wear off a bit. We had tried one look and would go in search of a new one purely because we did not get enough time to dress as much as we would sometimes like. We would like to buy a new outfit for the pure exhiliaration of a new look. This to many can also apply to the venues you go out to the types of people you meet. Many of the girls I hang out with love the shock value of what their arrival somewhere can achieve in a new bar or club. They constantly need to look for a new ‘hit’. One girl I know started her outside life in an normal hotel bar and within 6 months was trying working men’s clubs for a new fix! I know another buys a Chanel suit every 3 months and wears it twice! Is this who we are or is it becoming obsessive? We know its not our whole life but it is a lifestyle we adore.
In fact I would maintain most of us need a new hit be it in the form of an outfit, games at home, nights out or cyber fun! Its part of the nature of what dressing does to us inside and I am sure if this sexy and extrovert drive subsides then probably the drive to dress might also wane.  Bad news though many of my good friends are in their 70’s and 80’s and it has not subsided! And yes of course for some actual sex itself and its causal nature is also a very strong drive. So many girls love the fact that people come up to talk to them, compliment and proposition them when dressed rather than they are left in the corner when they are in ‘boy mode’. So are we in control?
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But Which Side Will Win?

Well I suppose the answer is start to take stock? Is this constantly at the front of your mind dominating your day-to-day thoughts? Are you getting frustrated if you are not getting dressed? Are you continuously planning your next night out? Is the spending on ebay starting to mount? Is your girl wardrobe well ahead of the boy’s? Do you find yourself looking through too many fashion periodicals or hours on the internet adding to your Facebook and Pinterest  sites? Are you writing too many blogs about being a Tranny to justify it? If you answer affirmatively to any of these then probably Danni was right and we have to get a grip on things. Have a conversation with yourself and look at the real priorities in our life Establish some rules and boundaries. Also look at what you really want to get out of being dressed and make sure that these come into line.  Then when you agree the time is right for God’s sake girl go for it!! XXX

Fear is the biggest reason and excuse for not doing something. Inaction seems to be the reason to avoid the potential negative consequences of what might happen should you actually do something. Not doing something leads to frustration, lower self worth and the wrong downward spiral. So start thinking about doing something and break this malaise!Fear
How many times have I wished that I became more open about my dressing much earlier than I did. How many people who attend my girlfriend’s dressing service Chateau Femme say they wished they had had the stomach to do this at a much younger age. And how many times have we heard from people who on going out for the first time say, damn this was such fun I just wished I had done it earlier. Fear my dear fear!
Its a New Year and we are all making numerous resolutions and for many Trannies it is normally I must get out once/more/lots more! But we put endless reasons in the way as to why we should not do something rather than look at the positives we will gain from new activities. Susan Jeffers in her excellent  book Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway highlights firstly that the main reason why we succumb to fear is that we cant handle the consequences. She goes on to show how by rationalising and diminishing these fears in your mind you develop more trust and confidence in yourself and the problems that may arise can be handled and are less of a barrier to doing something. Firstly however you have to confront your fears.
Trannies have a phenomenal library of reasons as to why we can’t handle this whole dressing thing. It’s not acceptable to society in general, its offensive to your family,  others don’t want to be associated with you because they worry about what people will say about them being seen with a Transvestite. You see it as a perversion not a part of your make up and persona. People say its not innate just a sick pastime. How do you tell anyone about this subject? How do you get out of the front door without being recognised? How do you hide your clothes from the family? The list is endless and the brick wall of reasons for not doing something are close to the Great Wall of China.no-fear1
All these fears and many, many more conspire to stop you doing something that feels totally innate within you. The reality is that well over 90% of our fears never come to fruition but we focus on the 10% because its a reason not to do something. We say No not Yes for comfort. Where these come from you can analyse ’til the cows come home but where it is going to take you is in your hands alone and these fears have to be conquered if you really want to move forward. You have to start saying Yes not No. I can’t offer a simple solution in one blog but hopefully help you with a bit of a reality check. I am going to focus on going out as probably the greatest barrier we put up and one of the easiest to conquer.
Lets get a few things straight. It is not a crime to dress as a woman and go out unless you are just being downright vulgar. If women can wear men’s attire why is it so wrong for the reverse? You are not the first crossdresser out there and society is now becoming quite accustomed to seeing them in public. There are very very few documented assaults either verbal or physical on TV’s. The chances of you being clocked in your wig and make up are very very small especially if you are not out in your home town.
I know you are out of your general comfort zone but isn’t that part of the fun. The whole excess of this activity is one part of the drive that makes you up. It is about sex but not necessarily sexual (see previous blogs) and for many that one of the three key personal drivers (along with money and power) that if not sated can cause changes in your character. Stop listening to the denial people. Those who have absolutely no idea what is going on in your mind cannot dictate your actions as long as those actions do not offend others. Do not let others put you down and give you a reason to back out. You have to do it once to realise its you who is putting up the barriers and in reality they are nonsensical.
OK now you have got over the societal implications now there are the practicalities. The bulk of Trannys, particularly on their first time out are read as being exactly that. I see them, you see them, we all see them and we let them get on with it. So what is the problem? The problem is with you. You have to turn off that voice in your head that says no no no. You may not have great make up, you may stagger a bit in your heels, your voice is deep, you sit like a man at table, that dress is a bit too short and  . All those will come with time, if you want them, but in the meantime just stop worrying about the small stuff. You may encounter a bit of whispering but counteract that thought with the fun you are having by being out. You are an oddity but not an offensive one. Just plan how to handle things ahead of time.Freedom-Is-Being-You
Susie wrote a good article to help you become confident on going out for the first time in her Chateau Femme Blog. Use this as a starting point if this blog has inspired you. Many of us have gone through these steps and nothing comes close to the combination of fear and exhilaration of the first time you have the courage to get out.
Believe me after your first time out your zone of comfort for going out will grow and the more you go out the less those ridiculous fears will disperse. I would however put a note of caution. Do still be aware what is going on around you as sometimes you can send out the wrong signals in your dress, mannerisms and actions. As a femme Transvestite you will attract a lot more attention of both the right and sometimes wrong persuasion. Its something many of us rough men cannot believe that when you are dressed others comet talk to you! Suddenly the social tables we are used to are turned and we find what it is like to be talked to first by both men and women alike. Quite exhilarating actually but at the same time odd to deal with.
The point is its not as big a deal as you make it out to be just follow Susie’s simple rules and you will be amazed what fun it is! If by any chance you would like a night out on the Souith Coast of England  with a mad bunch of similar minded Trannies come see our page for Susie’s Angels on Facebook. Hope to see you soon XXX
Bloody hell I love the fun of being a Transvestite. Give me this over a game of footie or rugby on the telly a night out at the pub or a good dinner party and there is no comparison, well maybe the dinner party! Even this month my girly wardrobe just overtook my male one! What does this mean I do not know. But blokewear is trousers shirt jumper jacket and combinations of the above. On the femme side it’s all of the above plus plus plus and plus. Its so wonderfully all encompassing. Christmas Stress
But this reminds me, as its that time of year when we can all go into shops and buy something for the ‘girlfriend’ ‘wife’ or ‘daughter’ for ourselves to beware of overindulging in this wonderful activity. As a ‘Transvestite’ that is exactly what it is. It’s not your life just a wonderful pastime which if left unrestrained can take over your life and affect all you loved ones. purely and simply because you follow your passion in a totally selfish and unfettered manner.
Susie my partner who runs the Chateau Femme dressing service says she is very wary of this. This applies especially when she sees a newbie who has never been able to transform before into the ‘girl’ of her dreams. With the size of wardrobe Susie has a beginner sees the myriad of possibilities that are now at their disposal! The result on departing is that they can tend to go mad in Primark where a vast array of cheap clothing in larger sizes is available (size 8/42 and 9/43 shoes hurrah!). But This could be a problem!
It’s a particular danger for new girls who suddenly have the freedom to dress as they please. And boy can you drain the family budget with your buying habits, if you have a family and you have not declared who you are, there will be some awful questions about your credit card bills at the end of the month.
And it’s not fair. I know it’s a part of you and you have to dress, but dishonesty about both your dressing, and spending is a double whammy on your partner. I did it and I suffered the consequences. I would say about 7 out of 10 of us have either been caught out or decide to tell their partner so it’s very likely this will happen to you. It’s the loss of trust between the two of you that is the worst, part it’s not the actual dressing, even though they may think that it is rather odd!
Dressing gives you a focus, a drive, a meaning to yourself, it does not give that to your partner. It says to her where was I in all this? Why do they never confide in me?  Why was I not included. It’s not about how perverted you, or how gay you are and how vulgar this activity is. Your partner is not thinking like that. They are wondering where they got things so wrong, where they now fit in your lives and what the neighbours/friends will think if you are discovered. gop-cross-dressers
But to you it says ‘wow’ the new opportunities are myriad. And it can clean out your bank account without you even thinking, it’s not yours it’s the family money and even if you are the major wage earner it’s not  yours alone. When I was married I had little storage space so did not spend that much since my separation I have done a lot of spending and it could have gotten out of control. I mean a massive wardrobe and only dressing once a week…gotta get a grip on reality!
So it’s Christmas time and it’s about thinking of others. It’s about taking stock and working out where you are and where you are going. There is enough information in my previous posts to say stop being too self-indulgent and think about how dressing might effect those around you. How spending too much time, money or simply the whole thought process can dominate your life. It’s not fair and to be honest not real either! You need balance as a TV you need to set yourself clear goals at this time of year and come to terms with your dual identity. I am  not saying tell your partner now I am saying get a grip and stop it dominating your life. It’s a great rush especially if you are new to dressing but it’s not a substitute for a good fun relationship.
 I have so many lonely TV’s who love the dressing side but desperately want a genuine girl (gg) who accepts that they like to dress. They have given up a good relationship for the fact that this drive to dress is so important to them that everything else is subsumed. The net result is that when their life is not dressed it feels empty. So they pursue dressing with a vigour that unfortunately never really replaces a good relationship. They will go down the routes of bisexual affairs, they wil try mistresses, they will think about gender reassignment and they will try being monogamous! But the need to be with  a real girl who understands them  will pervade and in the end it can leave you rather empty.Christmas Tranny
So my message at Christmas this year is think about what this means to you in your life. How it will affect your relationships and how you want things to progress. It’s that time of year when we all review our lives we make resolutions but we also have to think of those around us. This dressing thing is a very very strong driver but it is also a life destroyer if we allow it to progress unchained. Be very careful what you wish for and its consequences
A Very Happy Christmas to all of you XXX

As you all know I try to stand up for the Transvestite side in a world that seems to be going Transgendered/Transsexual crazy. The last 12 months has seen the whole TS movement go over the tipping point in terms of public awareness or at least titillation in relation to genetic males wanting to become female. There are so many Caitlyn (Bruce) Jenners and Kellie (Frank) Maloneys and Laverne Coxs coming out of the woodwork to make their stand, and money, that it has been great for the whole T population

Kellie Maloney

Kellie Maloney

in general. There are good things in this in that all T’s  are much more accepted at bars, restaurants and entertainment venues where you are no longer seen as a complete oddity. Retailers just see you as a source of revenue and we are now regarded as a niche market that is to  be targeted. Thanks Primark for size 8 and 9 (UK) shoes!

However this has also caused confusion in the general public as both TS’s and TV’s who tend to be wrapped up in the same ball-gown. Now all TGirls are seen as men wanting to be women and have their bits cut off! I am worried that we (TV’s) are being subsumed into the Transgendered culture and it being such a broad church we are assumed to be the same as the TS’s who are now in the mainstream. The gender identity (TS) vs sexual identity (TV) needs to be promoted more. Now I can hear howls of derision from some quarters that I am implying that being a TV is about sexuality, but this is not what I mean. I believe that in dressing we do experience a form excitement from adopting our femme personality. In the start its

Duality

Two Minds One Body

something that turns us on but as we age we realise its an innate part of us that allows us to relax into another role, particularly in our mindset. This in itself is the real turn-on.

TS’s suffer from gender dysphoria TV’s are very happy with their duality and enjoy the switch from one to another. They do this on a regular basis but it is not permanent. If they want to remain dressed en femme all the time I suggest they have moved further down the TS route

Personally I think we have both a male and a female side and that the stronger one is on one side the greater the urge to ‘play’ with the other side emerges. I am male first and foremost but so enjoy the femme side when I can. This is particularly relevant the more the other side is allowed out. Susie my partner who runs a dressing service called Chateau Femme always has concerns when she sees a new girl for their first time dressed in front of another living being. She knows that this experience is a bit like taking the genie out of the bottle. An inner desire has been exposed and all of the barriers one would have put in the way of stopping it will have been removed. The result of being fully transformed can take a number of routes. Some (a very few) will say no it’s not for me. Some will say ‘oh my God this is just what I needed’ (the vast majority) I will now start to do it on an occasional basis as the want within arises. And some will say this is so deep within me I have to do this on a very regular basis (quite a significant few). About 1 in 9 (sounds better than 1 in 10) she says will probably start down the TS route over time discovering that whilst they do not feel trapped in the wrong body they feel more comfortable in their female form and hence want to take things further.

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Its A Fantasy Becoming Real

I fall into the second category. I love the whole calmer, living for the moment experience dressing gives me. I get off the expectations of the male world and indulge in the more laid back relaxed nature of my femme (note not female) side. I don’t feel like a woman a bit girlish but the definitions are very blurred. There are so many words out there to describe us Gender Fuck (someone who purposefully messes with the concepts of gender) Androgyn (one who messes with identity principally in dressing up)  Genderfluid ( someone who floats between the genders) Pangender (someone who is all genders) and my personal favourite Polygender (someone who has more than one gender, either identifying as more than one gender at once). This amount of labelling makes communication with others as to why we like to dress so complicated. It will be a long time before the public understands a Transvestite, we are far too complicated to sum up in one sentence. And long may it reign. I don’t want to have my fun summed up in a simple sentence. I just want people to realise its a fun thing to do and does not hurt anyone…except…well figure it out!

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Its The Look

But whilst Transsexuals focus on who they are we Transvestites focus on what we are. In defining this our dressing is the most crucial element. Yes I am sure TS’s, and I am sorry to use this term as they are apart from some minor abnormalities women in their minds, who love to dress up and look fantastic, but it does not define them. With a Transvestite it is the way and style of dress that gives us our identity. Default for us is dress or skirt, rarely when we go out as a group do the girls wear looser fitting jeans or trousers, if they do you can be sure they are bloody tight fitting and accompanied by some sexy heels or boots!

This is why Trannies love to get the affirmation that they look good when dressed. They even prowl up and down the bar hoping they get a ‘wow you look good’ compliment. Its their look and their ‘need’ that somebody else finds their outfit as attractive as they themselves do. Many dress as they would like to see a woman dressed and it is part of the whole fantasy in which they indulge. This is not necessarily in a sexual sense just that they feel so good that they just hope it does it for others in the same way…psychologists please explain in more than 5 tomes!

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Even Trousers Can Look Cool In The Right Style!

If I am anything like the TV norm, and who is, then the real fun for me is in the planning of what I am going to wear. If I have enough free thinking time then for a few days before I know I am going to dress I love to look at all the options available. I enjoy browsing the Internet, opening the cupboard to new ideas, looking at old photos of outfits I have put together and generally looking for new inspiration within what is my style. This all helps the change of my mindset that I adore and it is part of my fantasy. But it is the clothes and the actual dressing that really makes it for me. I am sure many women understand this as well. The effect of a sexy pair of totally inappropriate heels, those ever so sheer stockings and that slightly too showy dress that make the look! Perhaps there may be hope for us to be understood apart from the Transsexual world. But whilst the TS is thinking about reassignment surgery and hormones I am thinking short skirts and an eBay bargain!
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Of Course Its Not Me!

This is a re-working of an older blog I know, but recently I have genuinely realised how important dressing is to my state of mind and how the life of a Transvestite becomes intertwined with my male persona. More importantly it is an incredible outlet for relaxation.

Some people under stress find solace in alcohol or sex or drugs or many other things. I have realised that dressing isan incredible stress relief for me. I have written about it in the past particularly in relation to its sexual nature but until the other night in a hotel room on my own, with nothing but a suitcase ofclothes to entertain me, I did not realise how much I needed just to physically dress and be Tara. It is an ongoing separation from my sexual set and my Transvestite self. Yes dressing arouses me (see my other blogs) but I was very surprised at how exhilarating and powerful just having unfettered  ‘Tara Time’ was for me.

Now many of you lucky people living on their own might not understand how vital being able to dress in an environment that is without stress and interruption is, because you always had it. I well remember being at home knowing my then wife was out and I had a couple of hours to dress in private before she came home. But during that whole time my senses were on red alert I never really relaxed. Would she come home early? What  would she say if I was discovered? Who else might come to the door? Would she find something I had not packed away? Would I leave a web page open on the computer or my browsing history reveal all? I had to do it and got a rush out of the whole pressure of it all but I now realise that it did not help the stress I was under. Contrast this with the freedom of a whole evening where I could be the selfish one and just do what I wanted. Now that’s a zone I now know I want to be in.
Even in my current relationship with Susie from Château Femme you would think this is a perfect arrangement. Awoman who dresses Trannies for a living! Because she does understand, and adore, Trannies so well. But not so, interruptions to borrow make-up, clothes or jewellery. Interruptions to ask if the dress she is wearing is right. Interruptions to say when will you be ready, where is my phone, have you got the keys, are we taking a taxi or the car, where are we going to parketc. etc. etc. These distractions all stop the whole flow of turning your mindset from male to Tara. This needs time and focus without interruption.

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Trannies Love Short Skirts

Suddenly, you are on your own and all that pressure, all those diversions are lifted. You can take 2 hours or more to put on your make-up. You can faff over minor things nobody but you will notice. To drink a glass of wine as you want. To decide between nude or semi-black stockings. To muse if you would like to play with yourself. To take breaks in dressing just to admire what you have done. Sit down and take stock, To go on You Tube to watch a make up video. To change your look, your wig , your dress style, your shoes, oh yes your shoes!!! To,walk around in total freedom on your own admiring yourself from every angle saying, hmmm great, hmm need to change that, hmm need a new this that or the other! The whole thing just allows Tara to become well Tara or a pale reflection of her ideal.
There is no rush, no pressure. Just a realisation that you have the time to do it. And when ‘she’ emerges there is that incredible sexy rush that says ‘I AM THERE’. Suddenly you are filled with elation that you have arrived at a level of consciousness that is soooooo satisfying. You prance around and just enjoy the moment.
OK there is one thing missing the appreciation of the public. All that effort and nobody saying ‘wow you look terrific!’ But that’s just a self-indulgent thing that is not as real as having the freedom without barriers of being who you are. It’s just you playing with the whole mindset you are now in.

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Smokey Purple Eyes Anyone?

The result of this is an intense feeling of genuine deep relaxation that for a few hours you have turned off the world and just thoroughly, thoroughly enjoyed indulging in your alter-ego without any strings any expectations and any interruptions. Nobody is judging, you nobody is telling you who to be. Absolutely brilliant and ironically so rare! These are the moments when you genuinely come to terms with who you are and thoroughly enjoy the escape from day-to-day vanilla life.
The issue for many Trannies however is to establish how strong a drive this is. I love both my male and Tranny sides on about and 80/20 ratio. Last month I had a week where I dressed 4 times and I noticed how by the fourth time the desire to dress had waned considerably. I cared less about the effort I put into dressing, I did not enjoy the night as much, nor did I really get into being ‘Tara’. Bit like being on a 4 day bender, the first is the best the rest have diminishing returns. I was more a cock in a frock going through the motions by the end. I was glad on the next night when I was prevented from dressing, again, due to being late. I realised that this was not a lifestyle choice just a great bit of sexy fun. The beast had been sated and I would wait until the sap rose again. But when that time arose and I had genuine freedom to express myself the high was amazing. Tara is not something that someone can turn on…and off at a say so. The mood and the moment have to be right and the build up to it is so much a part of the transformation. I love the planning and the fantasy of what will happen. Just saying go get dressed now just has no magic in it for me.
So moral of this blog is get time away from everything and just be you the way you want to be. Turn off the outside and indulge in your passions the way you enjoy things and remember there is no prescription, We Trannies are similar but also very different, unique even in so many aspects. The effect is an incredible and intense form of relaxation that beats any mindfulness or swami rituals.
Hmmm maybe there is an opening for a Tranny ashram somewhere! XXX

This month thought would get away from the personal issues and look at a bit of help on the clothing front. Particularly when trying to search for items on the internet!.

Understanding women’s clothing is such a battle to the uninitiated so I thought a few graphics might help

Firstly looking at your dress style according to your bodyshape

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And so important  High Heeled Shoes (sorry don’t do flats)

 

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Next Skirts

 

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Now for the undies!

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Ah the interesting Bra…a mystery?

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Of Course More To Follow XXX

 

 

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