Tag Archive: BDSM


OK I had this on the page and withdrew it for offence. I am now reposting it with a few amendments so hopefully no offence! But I had enough feedback to say that it was worth revising….

Lets get things straight I am totally mind blowingly in love with my new(ish) partner Susie. Over the last 12SAM_0276crop_ppsm months a large amount of my world has been turned upside down through personal tragedy and other crazy family matters. Throughout this though has been one magnificent ray of light who has released my inner anxieties, who has de-stressed my whole life and lifestyle. I will be eternally in her debt.
I used to live with a wife who knew nothing of Tara and frowned upon such activities. To whom sex and sexuality as a very very straight matter. Now I live with a woman who adores trannies and understands them implicitly. I used to hide my dressing, even then it was only occasional. Now we have regular girls nights in  where we dress and play as a wild passionate couple. Going out was a thing filled with trepidation, particularly as it was on my own. Now we are out and about wherever whenever…(though I still find walking dressed as a tart in the street a little embarrassing, but that is part of the thrill!)
Because Susie has been in this scene a long time (she runs one of the UK’s best dressing services) she doesn’t get as embarrassed as I do when out with a Tranny. Though sometimes I have to remind her that the vanilla people are a little shocked by Trannies and she should reign it back a little as I hate people to feel uncomfortable when they are out. This is one life for all!
For those of you in the closet reading this, who want to get out, to show themselves, to meet others I can only give you a brief glimpse of the wonderful feeling. The feeling  that comes with the removal of that heavy burden caused by the sense of guilt of being a TV, the stress caused by hiding this from your loved ones and yourself and the constant feeling that you are misunderstood and deceiving others. There is no magic formula. I ended up divorced and then met my perfect partner. Many say I am lucky. The fact is we each have to find a path that causes all the least pain
I wake up in the mornings with a pure sense of elation in the knowledge I can indulge my fantasies without anyone being judgemental or disdainful and in particular lacking and understanding of what drives us . Instead I surround myself with people who comprehend where I am coming from and welcome it with open arms. I have found it difficult to come to terms with. The guilt trip is slowly receding into the background and I am letting it happen. More importantly my partner has not pushed me too hard but just let me take it a step at a time.
This weekend was however a watershed weekend for Tara. We had a complete weekend to ourselves. On Friday night it was Girl and Boy night and we spent long hours into the morning discussing how we wanted to live in our Vanilla life . On Saturday we had a girl and girl night where again we completely opened up to one another. It led to a very strong and deep set of feelings between us. A sensation of complete and utter trust in one another that just made me love her more . Suddenly in boy mode I was de-facto going to be the person who was to be in charge (mainly because she is a little disorganised). But when both of us are in girl mode then the roles are to be reversed allowing us to explore some sides of our many faceted personalities.
In neither case its not really a heavy Sub-Dom relationship just a way of establishing roles and protocol. We hand over an element of control for our activities.
Susie said  ‘this is going to get dangerous’
I said ‘do you have a problem with that’
‘no I was just thinking of you’
‘but its me who is opening Pandora’s box, do you worry what might emerge’
‘no its just the time is right for both of us as I can indulge in my fantasies as well’
‘this is going to be a very interesting ride’
tumblr_lf4fg20Y4N1qf4898o1_250More importantly for us is that we are now able to investigate our fantasies and that will be a new phase in the development of our relationship. We agreed there would be some dead ends but in the main we were in the same mind set. I love to keep the boy and Tara very separate in my mind. I enjoy both sides. When I dress my mind switches and Tara emerges, it takes a couple of hours but Susie says she sees a completely different person emerge and that for me is what this is all about. What I love now is that Susie has allowed me to adapt at my own pace to accepting that Tara can come out. She is now moving me further down a route that she wants to go and I am loving every minute of it!
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The Tart and BDSM

As Tara matures, and is she getting old, she is developing down a more fetishistic path in and around the BDSM theater. This has positively been enhanced by my new lover who has opened my eyes to so many new things. But as with everything this a very wide area of interests and I have been trying to narrow down my indulgences.

Lets be honest I dress as I do because I get a thrill seeing a tarty slut in the mirror in front of me. This changes my mindset and I want to play. In the past this has been with a dominant mistress, though from time to time I like to play the Mistress role, as I love to dress for the part! Now with my new partner it is about us discovering ourselves. IMG_5358_pp

My problem is that I am not a pain junky but my girlfriend likes to give it out. So there is an opening for a pin loving TV…interviews  over the Christmas period! Most  mistresses love to inflict pain in one form or another as part of their enjoyment. However the concept of being beaten mercilessly, or for that matter even severely, beaten so that I am marked, or worse even draw blood, has absolutely no interest to me. However my partner is starting to turn my mind…! I fully understand the issue of releasing endorphins that somehow send you into a numbed ‘subspace’ but to me it’s the mental aspects of domination that really excites me. The concept that someone is turning you to their own fantasy and that you have to work to please them is extremely erotic. On the ‘journey’ you have to endure certain sensorial elements that unnerve and excite you. It’s not a state of relaxation but a voyage of discovery.

As I have said in previous posts I had a long standing relationship with a Mistress who correctly identified me as a sensation seeker not a person seeking an endorphin rush. She instinctively knew that I had to be pushed by new horizons and new challenges. But at the same time the sessions were sensorial and full of heightened erotic tension using the voice and touch allied to plenty of restriction and play. Now with the mistressing in the background I have discovered a completely different world of a genuine play partner who excites and entices me as well as encourages me and expands my experiences in a warm and trusting environment

Girls you have to try this get on Fetlife or Alt and change from the casual to the regular with people who are similar minded. Why did it take so long for us all to discover these places!

 

You have to experiment and my quest continues with this darling woman. I have had many blind alleys such as bodily fluids, blood, beatings, asphyxiation and other such elements that have left me decidedly cold. I have also over the last few years been a bit of a journeyman fetishist. I have visited many mistresses (and a couple of masters) in search of a nirvana which I did not really know. Now with my true soulmate that nirvana has finally been achieved

People often ask me why are you a TV, or how did you become one? The answer is extremely difficult for most of us to answer and I am no different. Nobody said this is what you should do they said this is what you shouldn’t do. It’s something that is quite deep within you and hidden. It that has to be let out of the box every so often.  In my case it is something I hide behind that allows me to indulge in certain fetishistic practices that I cannot, no that’s wrong do not want to enjoy as a normal man. My first ever memories are of being fascinated seeing a pair of tights (15 denier) worn by a genie in a Pantomime. My Grandmother sewed 2 pairs of stockings together for me and I was hooked.

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From then on this became a source of sexual fantasy. However it remained dormant fantasy for many years until it was reawakened in my thirties.

 

Let me firstly give you an idea of what I mean by my type of Transvestite (TV), because there is a vast continuum that is the Trans community. From the person who has a fetish for a particular piece of women’s clothing to a Transsexual who has had all the operations and lives fully as a woman, you have an astonishing variety of people. I believe a TV is a person who dresses in female attire to be as convincing as possible. So this includes all the aspects However where this differs from a Transsexual is that this is only a temporary act indulged in for their own personal gratification of exploring another identity.

So the next question is what type of TV are you? This is easier now I am much more mature in years and as I have experimented along the continuum that is the gender play umbrella. Note by the way I do not use the word trans-gender as I see this as a word used for people who genuinely want to manifest some core aspect of female identity, which I do not. I identify myself as a fetishistic TV. someone who obtains certain excitement from dressing and the play associated with this activity. When the excitement and thrill subsides I am sure the desire to dress will decline as well. Though I have met so many TV’s in their 70’s wher the drive is still there, so there is plenty to come!

The first time I really started to get into and accept my alter ego Tara was following a visit to a mistress when I was in my early thirties. Straight sex was fun but there was something niggling away inside of me that wanted more. I said to her that ‘I was looking for something different’. Not exactly original! However I am grateful that she sat me down and asked me many questions about my sexuality. She persevered and took the time to discover some things about me that lay hidden. She suggested a transformation and I rewarded her with 10 years of devoted service as her TV subby.

For me transforming myself into an idealised female persona is hobby. As I dress myself, put on make-up, heels and wigs I feel my demeanor alter, may actions become lighter less direct, I can genuinely feel another person emerging as  my mindset changes. The Americans call it a ‘Mind Fuck’ and I concur wholeheartedly . I absolutely adore letting this horny sexy slut out of the box on a temporary basis. As I dress myself I can physically feel my persona changing into an erotic sexy animal that has wild desires that I feel I can indulge. Yes of course I hide behind this mask. In ‘vanilla’ life I could not participate in these activities. The constraints of society have ensured that these traits lie buried until the transformation is complete. When it does a horny slut emerges to enjoy herself.

This is a form of temporary escape that allows me to become a sexual toy that loves to play with others of a similar sexual persuasion. I do not see myself as gay but want to play with all others who have a similar sexual mindset. This is mainly with women or other TV’s as I tend to find them on the same wavelength. However I have enjoyed being the dominant mistress with hairless subs of all persuasions. I find I am just not on the same wavelength of the macho hairy men.

I have tried many aspects of sex but in the main enjoy a mild sub/dom BDSM environment which involves dressing up roleplay,Img_2960(sm) teasing and restraint. I do not enjoy hard play in the form of pain or bodily fluids but adore denial, nipple play, anal penetration and cock and ball restraint.

My ideal roleplay game is being the sexy slut of a mistress being trained in all aspects of erotic sensual domination and slut play for her pleasure, including body worship and sexual activity for her pleasure. But details on that is for a later blog

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