Tag Archive: Transvestism


OK being a Transvestite is not exactly the norm in society but why do so many of us have a guilt complex about being one? I have always maintained that the principle reason for this is that society inculcates and indoctrinates us with certain so called rules or standards from a very early age that we all feel  guilty when we break them. Take for example Religion. At school we had to take Religious Education and in some cases were forced to attend Church/Mosque/Shrine to instil certain beliefs. If we come to decide that these beliefs are false we still feel guilty when we say we do not believe in parts of the teaching that appear wrong. So when we dress and get a certain amount of pleasure out of it we are driven by a sense of guilt that what we are doing is wrong.img_3910

This is based on a fallacious proposition. Who are we offending? What is so wrong with a man to put on a dress after all women wear trousers? High heels were a huge male fashion item in the seventeenth century why are they so stereotyped now? Why can’t a person alter their shape to a more appealing form? Men as as a generalisation have better legs than women why can’t they show them off in a short skirt and nylons I think This is because in today’s society image conscious the man is meant to look, well ‘masculine’and the woman is meant to be ‘pretty’! There are no written rules but a he’ll of a lot of prejudice. If the man should waver into being pretty then it starts to bugger up all the roles and status in society and well it’s just not manly, and woe betide the man that looks prettier than a woman…bitch …bitch! So the reality is its us the Trannies, or is that Trannys, who have to change our mindset and say ‘Sod It Society’ I am an independent free thinker who does not want to offend but finds certain things others may see as so called offensive a totally baseless proposition and, even as a man, I am going to get on with it! Damn your preconceived perceptions of what a Tranny is and does. Denying this to yourself can be bad for your health with frustration, stress and the constant thinking as to when you can next dress distracting you from so many more important things such as your family’s health and lifestyle. It’s a strong force within but no where near the top of things such as a roof over your head and a meal on the table. But it’s still a strong aesthetic drive.

tumblr_lzoe3r6e6X1qj1ijqo1_400The thing for us Transvestites is that we do not have a specific term of reference in the same way as a Transsexual has. In most cases the TS has known they wanted to be a girl from an early age. Transsexuals identify with gender, many say Transvestites identify with sexuality. But I think it’s too simplistic. Put tenTrannies in a room and you will get ten different reasons why they dress. Try explaining why you like to dress to someone and it is quite difficult to communicate the fact that it just feels so right to your inner being. I am amazed when Transvestites congregate around the table there is a very clear understanding between them what they are feeling on the in..side and even though many Genetic Girls might be present they have great difficulty comprehending what is going on inside that crazy mixed up mind. They have empathy but not understanding. This is one of the reasons why wives cannot comprehend why their husband wants to dress, it’s those inner feelings which cannot be explained in words alone. I also think there are other reasons for partners rejecting the Tranny such as mix up of role models in the family and social perspective problems but I have talked about these in other posts, so will not dwell.

What I think motivates this need to dress is that there is probably a male and female aspect to our personality and we identify with both parts to a certain degree in our make-up. I think a Transsexual whilst accepting there may be a small male part to her identifies much more clearly with the feminine side and that is her strongest drive. With the Transvestite the masculine aspect is a much stronger persona but the feminine side is something that has to be indulged from time to time to maintain balance of the whole.The regularity of this of course varies from person top person.

I like both sides but my male side is the more dominant driver through my choice not society’s. Tara is about creating an illusion, a fantasy an element of fun escapism.This is not my own hair, face, boobs, shape, in fact its almost an artform (Oh God Grayson Perry comes to mind here!), But it is a definite fantasy and the male side is the more boring reality. I have always said I adore the change of mindset that comes from boy to femme and that has always been the thing that floats my boat allowing true escapism.  A good friend of mine has found the feminine side has given her immense calm and focus in her life and spends most of her time enfemme! Even contemplating the chop! However she still has to dress as the male from time-to-time for society as her family (and girlfriends) are not as accepting of the female. It’s such a shame so many people still frown about such a small thing.

CHELTENHAM, UNITED KINGDOM - OCTOBER 15: Grayson Perry , Turner Prize winning Artist and Potter, poses for a portrait at the Cheltenham Literature Festival on October 15, 2009 in Cheltenham, England. (Photo by David Levenson/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Grayson Perry

I also love the fact that many from my group of Transvestites move down the road from dressing to identifying that they have a more female dominant part to their persona and then start down the Transsexual route. I feel we have helped them discover themselves and sometimes some inner peace. What pisses me off though is how many of them then become like reformed smokers and look with disdain at their old friends who have not ‘become a true woman’ in their minds and subsequently reject the group that allowed them to discover their new route. Ironically they now look at us as social lepers who no longer conform to their new standards. They ironically have moved back to society’s norms. So hypocritical! Bitch Bitch!

Come on Tara stop bitching and get on with life it’s far too short to worry what others are thinking!

(Ironically I found this letter to Society   from a woman which had me drawing two different thought processes one was good for you girl the other was…I so want to do so many of those things you want to stop).Never Done

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I have always said being a Transvestite is a great pastime and is just one part of my personality. It allows me a form of expression that has quite a schizophrenic nature to it which I relish. The boy is very different from the girl and I try to maintain distance between them. I have always loved the flip from boy to girl. But I have always thought that I am quite happily in control of both sides even though I of course let the girl run a little wild from time to time. At least this was what I said to a group of co-conspirators the other night. A good friend, Danni Stone, begged to differ and likened it much more to a struggle against a strong impulse or urge that desperately needed to be satisfied and in reality I was not in control. The fact that this has been a constant in my persona for so long even though I knew society frowned upon it in general but I still pursued it with all the issues it gave me. I was giving into something that I was not supposed to be doing. But the urge was so strong I gave in to temptation!

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What Turns You On?

Because this transition is not a permanent one it has several downsides. For example Danni and I both agreed that one of the worst failings we had was that we tended to buy a new outfit and wear it only once or twice before the thrill of the newness of the outfit might wear off a bit. We had tried one look and would go in search of a new one purely because we did not get enough time to dress as much as we would sometimes like. We would like to buy a new outfit for the pure exhiliaration of a new look. This to many can also apply to the venues you go out to the types of people you meet. Many of the girls I hang out with love the shock value of what their arrival somewhere can achieve in a new bar or club. They constantly need to look for a new ‘hit’. One girl I know started her outside life in an normal hotel bar and within 6 months was trying working men’s clubs for a new fix! I know another buys a Chanel suit every 3 months and wears it twice! Is this who we are or is it becoming obsessive? We know its not our whole life but it is a lifestyle we adore.
In fact I would maintain most of us need a new hit be it in the form of an outfit, games at home, nights out or cyber fun! Its part of the nature of what dressing does to us inside and I am sure if this sexy and extrovert drive subsides then probably the drive to dress might also wane.  Bad news though many of my good friends are in their 70’s and 80’s and it has not subsided! And yes of course for some actual sex itself and its causal nature is also a very strong drive. So many girls love the fact that people come up to talk to them, compliment and proposition them when dressed rather than they are left in the corner when they are in ‘boy mode’. So are we in control?
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But Which Side Will Win?

Well I suppose the answer is start to take stock? Is this constantly at the front of your mind dominating your day-to-day thoughts? Are you getting frustrated if you are not getting dressed? Are you continuously planning your next night out? Is the spending on ebay starting to mount? Is your girl wardrobe well ahead of the boy’s? Do you find yourself looking through too many fashion periodicals or hours on the internet adding to your Facebook and Pinterest  sites? Are you writing too many blogs about being a Tranny to justify it? If you answer affirmatively to any of these then probably Danni was right and we have to get a grip on things. Have a conversation with yourself and look at the real priorities in our life Establish some rules and boundaries. Also look at what you really want to get out of being dressed and make sure that these come into line.  Then when you agree the time is right for God’s sake girl go for it!! XXX

Fear is the biggest reason and excuse for not doing something. Inaction seems to be the reason to avoid the potential negative consequences of what might happen should you actually do something. Not doing something leads to frustration, lower self worth and the wrong downward spiral. So start thinking about doing something and break this malaise!Fear
How many times have I wished that I became more open about my dressing much earlier than I did. How many people who attend my girlfriend’s dressing service Chateau Femme say they wished they had had the stomach to do this at a much younger age. And how many times have we heard from people who on going out for the first time say, damn this was such fun I just wished I had done it earlier. Fear my dear fear!
Its a New Year and we are all making numerous resolutions and for many Trannies it is normally I must get out once/more/lots more! But we put endless reasons in the way as to why we should not do something rather than look at the positives we will gain from new activities. Susan Jeffers in her excellent  book Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway highlights firstly that the main reason why we succumb to fear is that we cant handle the consequences. She goes on to show how by rationalising and diminishing these fears in your mind you develop more trust and confidence in yourself and the problems that may arise can be handled and are less of a barrier to doing something. Firstly however you have to confront your fears.
Trannies have a phenomenal library of reasons as to why we can’t handle this whole dressing thing. It’s not acceptable to society in general, its offensive to your family,  others don’t want to be associated with you because they worry about what people will say about them being seen with a Transvestite. You see it as a perversion not a part of your make up and persona. People say its not innate just a sick pastime. How do you tell anyone about this subject? How do you get out of the front door without being recognised? How do you hide your clothes from the family? The list is endless and the brick wall of reasons for not doing something are close to the Great Wall of China.no-fear1
All these fears and many, many more conspire to stop you doing something that feels totally innate within you. The reality is that well over 90% of our fears never come to fruition but we focus on the 10% because its a reason not to do something. We say No not Yes for comfort. Where these come from you can analyse ’til the cows come home but where it is going to take you is in your hands alone and these fears have to be conquered if you really want to move forward. You have to start saying Yes not No. I can’t offer a simple solution in one blog but hopefully help you with a bit of a reality check. I am going to focus on going out as probably the greatest barrier we put up and one of the easiest to conquer.
Lets get a few things straight. It is not a crime to dress as a woman and go out unless you are just being downright vulgar. If women can wear men’s attire why is it so wrong for the reverse? You are not the first crossdresser out there and society is now becoming quite accustomed to seeing them in public. There are very very few documented assaults either verbal or physical on TV’s. The chances of you being clocked in your wig and make up are very very small especially if you are not out in your home town.
I know you are out of your general comfort zone but isn’t that part of the fun. The whole excess of this activity is one part of the drive that makes you up. It is about sex but not necessarily sexual (see previous blogs) and for many that one of the three key personal drivers (along with money and power) that if not sated can cause changes in your character. Stop listening to the denial people. Those who have absolutely no idea what is going on in your mind cannot dictate your actions as long as those actions do not offend others. Do not let others put you down and give you a reason to back out. You have to do it once to realise its you who is putting up the barriers and in reality they are nonsensical.
OK now you have got over the societal implications now there are the practicalities. The bulk of Trannys, particularly on their first time out are read as being exactly that. I see them, you see them, we all see them and we let them get on with it. So what is the problem? The problem is with you. You have to turn off that voice in your head that says no no no. You may not have great make up, you may stagger a bit in your heels, your voice is deep, you sit like a man at table, that dress is a bit too short and  . All those will come with time, if you want them, but in the meantime just stop worrying about the small stuff. You may encounter a bit of whispering but counteract that thought with the fun you are having by being out. You are an oddity but not an offensive one. Just plan how to handle things ahead of time.Freedom-Is-Being-You
Susie wrote a good article to help you become confident on going out for the first time in her Chateau Femme Blog. Use this as a starting point if this blog has inspired you. Many of us have gone through these steps and nothing comes close to the combination of fear and exhilaration of the first time you have the courage to get out.
Believe me after your first time out your zone of comfort for going out will grow and the more you go out the less those ridiculous fears will disperse. I would however put a note of caution. Do still be aware what is going on around you as sometimes you can send out the wrong signals in your dress, mannerisms and actions. As a femme Transvestite you will attract a lot more attention of both the right and sometimes wrong persuasion. Its something many of us rough men cannot believe that when you are dressed others comet talk to you! Suddenly the social tables we are used to are turned and we find what it is like to be talked to first by both men and women alike. Quite exhilarating actually but at the same time odd to deal with.
The point is its not as big a deal as you make it out to be just follow Susie’s simple rules and you will be amazed what fun it is! If by any chance you would like a night out on the Souith Coast of England  with a mad bunch of similar minded Trannies come see our page for Susie’s Angels on Facebook. Hope to see you soon XXX

As you all know I try to stand up for the Transvestite side in a world that seems to be going Transgendered/Transsexual crazy. The last 12 months has seen the whole TS movement go over the tipping point in terms of public awareness or at least titillation in relation to genetic males wanting to become female. There are so many Caitlyn (Bruce) Jenners and Kellie (Frank) Maloneys and Laverne Coxs coming out of the woodwork to make their stand, and money, that it has been great for the whole T population

Kellie Maloney

Kellie Maloney

in general. There are good things in this in that all T’s  are much more accepted at bars, restaurants and entertainment venues where you are no longer seen as a complete oddity. Retailers just see you as a source of revenue and we are now regarded as a niche market that is to  be targeted. Thanks Primark for size 8 and 9 (UK) shoes!

However this has also caused confusion in the general public as both TS’s and TV’s who tend to be wrapped up in the same ball-gown. Now all TGirls are seen as men wanting to be women and have their bits cut off! I am worried that we (TV’s) are being subsumed into the Transgendered culture and it being such a broad church we are assumed to be the same as the TS’s who are now in the mainstream. The gender identity (TS) vs sexual identity (TV) needs to be promoted more. Now I can hear howls of derision from some quarters that I am implying that being a TV is about sexuality, but this is not what I mean. I believe that in dressing we do experience a form excitement from adopting our femme personality. In the start its

Duality

Two Minds One Body

something that turns us on but as we age we realise its an innate part of us that allows us to relax into another role, particularly in our mindset. This in itself is the real turn-on.

TS’s suffer from gender dysphoria TV’s are very happy with their duality and enjoy the switch from one to another. They do this on a regular basis but it is not permanent. If they want to remain dressed en femme all the time I suggest they have moved further down the TS route

Personally I think we have both a male and a female side and that the stronger one is on one side the greater the urge to ‘play’ with the other side emerges. I am male first and foremost but so enjoy the femme side when I can. This is particularly relevant the more the other side is allowed out. Susie my partner who runs a dressing service called Chateau Femme always has concerns when she sees a new girl for their first time dressed in front of another living being. She knows that this experience is a bit like taking the genie out of the bottle. An inner desire has been exposed and all of the barriers one would have put in the way of stopping it will have been removed. The result of being fully transformed can take a number of routes. Some (a very few) will say no it’s not for me. Some will say ‘oh my God this is just what I needed’ (the vast majority) I will now start to do it on an occasional basis as the want within arises. And some will say this is so deep within me I have to do this on a very regular basis (quite a significant few). About 1 in 9 (sounds better than 1 in 10) she says will probably start down the TS route over time discovering that whilst they do not feel trapped in the wrong body they feel more comfortable in their female form and hence want to take things further.

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Its A Fantasy Becoming Real

I fall into the second category. I love the whole calmer, living for the moment experience dressing gives me. I get off the expectations of the male world and indulge in the more laid back relaxed nature of my femme (note not female) side. I don’t feel like a woman a bit girlish but the definitions are very blurred. There are so many words out there to describe us Gender Fuck (someone who purposefully messes with the concepts of gender) Androgyn (one who messes with identity principally in dressing up)  Genderfluid ( someone who floats between the genders) Pangender (someone who is all genders) and my personal favourite Polygender (someone who has more than one gender, either identifying as more than one gender at once). This amount of labelling makes communication with others as to why we like to dress so complicated. It will be a long time before the public understands a Transvestite, we are far too complicated to sum up in one sentence. And long may it reign. I don’t want to have my fun summed up in a simple sentence. I just want people to realise its a fun thing to do and does not hurt anyone…except…well figure it out!

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Its The Look

But whilst Transsexuals focus on who they are we Transvestites focus on what we are. In defining this our dressing is the most crucial element. Yes I am sure TS’s, and I am sorry to use this term as they are apart from some minor abnormalities women in their minds, who love to dress up and look fantastic, but it does not define them. With a Transvestite it is the way and style of dress that gives us our identity. Default for us is dress or skirt, rarely when we go out as a group do the girls wear looser fitting jeans or trousers, if they do you can be sure they are bloody tight fitting and accompanied by some sexy heels or boots!

This is why Trannies love to get the affirmation that they look good when dressed. They even prowl up and down the bar hoping they get a ‘wow you look good’ compliment. Its their look and their ‘need’ that somebody else finds their outfit as attractive as they themselves do. Many dress as they would like to see a woman dressed and it is part of the whole fantasy in which they indulge. This is not necessarily in a sexual sense just that they feel so good that they just hope it does it for others in the same way…psychologists please explain in more than 5 tomes!

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Even Trousers Can Look Cool In The Right Style!

If I am anything like the TV norm, and who is, then the real fun for me is in the planning of what I am going to wear. If I have enough free thinking time then for a few days before I know I am going to dress I love to look at all the options available. I enjoy browsing the Internet, opening the cupboard to new ideas, looking at old photos of outfits I have put together and generally looking for new inspiration within what is my style. This all helps the change of my mindset that I adore and it is part of my fantasy. But it is the clothes and the actual dressing that really makes it for me. I am sure many women understand this as well. The effect of a sexy pair of totally inappropriate heels, those ever so sheer stockings and that slightly too showy dress that make the look! Perhaps there may be hope for us to be understood apart from the Transsexual world. But whilst the TS is thinking about reassignment surgery and hormones I am thinking short skirts and an eBay bargain!
Many of you who read my blog will know of my love of the transformation from the boy to Tara. This may sound obvious for all TV’s but as I get older I am more and more infatutaed with the change in my persona and mindset that comes with dressing. I love the fact that clothes and make up allow me to act differently but I also feel very different.split-personality-600x428
Yes there is definitely a sexiness about the whole thing that I adore but over time this has moved from the more external ‘being turned on’ to an internal rush that creates an intense form of euphoria when the girl emerges. From there its a bit like a drug where you feel more confident more exppressive and more playful than when in those bloody jeans and T-Shirt! But I believe that this clearly defines a Transvestite. A Transsexual is interested in being able to show her true gender, dressing is incidental,  a crossdresser is primarily interested in the clothes they wear that gives them that sexual kick. A Transvestite is interested in the person that a complete transformation creates. We are a bit schizophrenic in our nature but we chose when we want to adopt our alter-ego(s) and control the situation. I personally just love this completely separate person emerging.
This change or ‘flip’ means that at as many levels as possible I try to separate the two completely. I have different social media accounts, different emails, separate mobile phones, websites and business cards. In the past this may have been a necessity because I was not telling my partner (by the way that is wrong wrong wrong), but nowadays even though I am living with a person who accepts Tara it I still want to keep them very very separate. Its so much more fun keeping a gulf between them because of how I feel when I am in either ‘mode’.  I like both sides and would hate that they came together, although my TV firends say that at times in male mode I can tend to exhibit more femme gestures than I did a couple of years ago! To me the major part of this change is in the physical act of dressing itself.
The other night I had the chance to be able to get ready for far longer than the normal hour I am normally given, without interruption! I suddenly realised that having plenty of time to change was as exciting as the actual change occurring. To really be able to get that make-up right to try lots of outfits and pose in front of the mirror was a wonderful part of the girl arriving. When you are in a rush you just do not have the mirror time to indulge in the pure activity of transformation and at times I just feel like a cock in a frock. However with the time I could actually feel it overcoming me as I put on my make-up and clothes. The Americans call it a ‘Mind Fuck’ and that is a perfect though vulgar definition. A friend also said that it was when the wig went on that the change occurred in her. And she was right, of all the things you do putting on the wig makes things complete and brings it all together This defines you.face-shapes
If you think that you want to at least put in quite a passable effort you must put a bit of time and effort into finding your right wig and, if you have the guts, getting someone to style it for you. We have a local Trans group who frowns when I and a few friends go out dressed in wigs and oh dear! short skirts. They look at us and wonder where we have the brass wahoos to dress in such a brazen manner. Its just not becoming for people of our age. They prefer to let their hair grow long and wear longer crinoline dresses implying they are more acceptable to the general population. They are probably right. But as the male gets older the hair thins and so many of these girls have male pattern baldness and thin straggly hair. Its just not the image I want to convey and its certainly not what gets me going! For me its about making the make the best of your appearance and for so many of us the need for the appreciation of what we have become is a vital part of the activity of being a Tranny. I mean how many of you have to at least do 2 or 3 parades of the bar/nightclub/event to see who is there and more importantly show off and get some admiring glances? But without  the all encompassing wig not a chance! To some Transvestites the concept that thye might be able to pass as a girl is their ultimate goal. For me I long ago accepted that I would not pass and instead focused on creating Tara a transvestite that would get approving comments purely due to people recognising the effort and style that is you. Ah yes we are back to the me, Me, ME, MEEE of being a Tranny as I alluded in previous posts.
I dress in a style that I adore that allows the transformation to Tara to be complete in my mindset and the wig is an essential, no, the vital part of this change. But you must look at yourself very hard. Think what style/look you want to convey.You must decide what shape of face you have then look at the type of wig that suits this face shape. Finally decide which one is right for the occasion. If like me you love long hair as it hides so many of the male traits its fine, but go out for a meal or dancing and this gets in the way so you have to look for a shorter alternative that still shows you off as you would like to be seen. Yes I know you can change your wig as many times as you want but in reality you will have a favourite that you know you look your best in.wig type
My partner Susie at Chateau Femme wrote a good Blog on the Subject of How To Find The Best Wig, but I am sure there are lots of other sites such as UK Hairdressers and Hairstylers as well as a good value wig store Mistresses who can help. There are also lots of sites on the web where you type in ‘what hairstyle suits my face’ but its crucial you define your shape correctly. Then you can move onto length, colour, synthetic, real hair and cut. This will improve both your look and your confidence as you get those comments we all crave. But also remember the Trabsvestite motto it is your distinctive and selfish style that works (I made that one up!). My style is the one I like to see in the mirror not necessarily the style others would like to see me dress in. Yes I am a selfish bitch that can embarrass others with too short a skirt too low a cleavage and too much shoulder showing for a person of my size and especially age. But this is the self indulgent part of me that is quasi-addicted to this wonderful pastime. And for me it exactly that something I indulge in from time to time not 24/7 or even 3 days a week. Too much bloody effort!
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Oh God Time To Purge My Wardrobe Again!

This blog is, as always, really for the ‘novice’ transvestite who has not yet come to accept who they are. It is intended to save you a lot of money and concerns ‘purging’. I also make my standard disclaimer that this blog is primarily aimed at transvestites, particularly male to female who enjoy wearing clothes of the opposite sex, it is not really for TS’s as they are women trapped in a man’s body which dressing alone will not solve.

Purging is the bain of many of us and the cost of it will directly harm your finances! For anyone not knowing what purging is, put simply it is the disposal of your ‘girly’ things (normally your entire wardrobe and associated artefacts) due principally to you feeling guilty or embarrassed about who you are and/or what you are doing. It tends to happen when you start to question why you crossdress and whether you should stop as it may be starting to dominate too much of your life and you are not being manly enough! By taking the clothes away you think you will take away the urge to dress, as you do not have anything to wear. This in turn you believe will not conjure up those inner feelings that dressing gives you. You take away temptation and hence you cannot indulge. For a small few this does work. But as over 90% of trannies will tell you it never really removes the urge and you end up disposing of one wardrobe only to replace it with another.
There are numerous things that can trigger a purge but it is primarily it is in your mind:
  • You are very scared that your activity will be discovered and you will be exposed for the ‘pervert’ you are.
  • Transvestism/Crossdressing is determined as wrong by society and you should be ashamed of what you are doing so stop it!
  • You are incensed that this habit of wanting to dress in women’s clothes is taking up too much time and money and should stop immediately.
  • Its not really a manly pursuit dressing in women’s clothes and laughable from your mates perspective.
  • You are frightened that your secret stash of girly clothes will be discovered and you will be exposed for the shameful person you are…slut!
  • You have just had a brilliant time dressing and think that now is a good time to stop because, it’s not really an acceptable, and that you should go out on a high.
  • Your clothes have been discovered and you have agreed with your partner to dump them.
  • Dressing has now become an unnecessary diversion from other far more important things in life.
I personally have purged on 4 different occasions. 3 were due to the embarrassment/guilt factor and once was due to the discovery of Tara by my then wife. As you can imagine it means I have replaced my wardrobe on 4 occasions probably at a cost of over £1,000 per time! OK it was a cheap wardrobe!
So let’s just look at this whole area of shame logically and rationally. Firstly Society. There is natural bias amongst certain parts of society about many things for example BDSM was totally frowned on now Fifty Shades of Grey shows that consensual play is OK. The Xenophobic bias that is very obvious in British culture fomented by the likes of UKIP. The unfounded dislike of gays and lesbians over the years. Its a fact that some people have bias in their life, but the reality is that the majority of people are far more liberal in their views and say live and let live. By dressing you fall into a small sub-category of life that will cause people to stare purely because you are different. But from my experience most actually quite like to talk to you once they overcome the initial ‘shock’ that you are different because you are different. The second area is your own mindset. I liken it to cars. You buy one you were fairly unaware of and suddenly you see hundreds because your brain is alert to this type of car. In dressing it heightens all the fears above and it starts to dominate your thoughts so you are intensifying the feeling of embarrassment and guilt. As a result you look to a solution and purging is the answer. Bad premise.
clothes recycling

Yes Dumping It Make All The Feelings Go Away!

As I say almost all girls come back to dressing after purging. It is very difficult though to stop, Angela Gardener in the TG Forum has a similar article trying to help people as well as experiences from the Transgendered Forum relating to the cost and virtually nil benefits of throwing out your clothes.  You have to try to come to terms with the fact this is inherent within you. If you feel guilt try to come to terms with the fact that you are among thousands of others with a similar drive. Yes you are not a ‘vanilla’ person but then again who is! You are just like Manchester United supporters, something you do not understand but let them get on with it! Stop moralising it and manage it. Yes in a few circumstances it is wrong, it offends others, I have written about it in previous blogs on how we should handle some of these situations such as whether to tell your partner or not or going to the women’s guild annual meetings!
My partner Susie who runs a dressing service called Château Femme though does worry that if not managed correctly it can become all-consuming and dominate your waking hours. She sees novices who start by dressing once a month to moving to a need to dress almost all the time as its so innate to them. They do not feel like women but do love to move to the ‘femme side’ on a very regular basis. Believe you me I do and love the whole change of mindset as has been discussed in previous blogs. Some of course naturally realise that the dressing is a path to becoming a TS and that the woman has been suppressed within them for so long and it is the catalyst for a new path.
For the most of us the purging does stop when you can finally rationalise your dressing as a fun activity that is not really harming anyone, apart from you (and your family) because it is hidden. You can also start at this point to come to terms with it and realsie the guilt and embarrassment you felt is in reality of your own making. You are making it into a bigger thing than the ones around you do. Except possibly your immediate family which is something you may have to address at some point. But this is a case of timing and preparation. A good article for this regarding coming out to your wife/partner was written in the Chicago Now blog. I also have previous blogs on how we should handle this situation.
Life is all about balance it shifts all the time but denial on one side can lead to frustration on the other. Frustration can lead to stress which in turn makes you irritable and angry. Play between the two parts of your life responsibly and save money! XXX
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Am I A Tranny?

Last week there was one of those interminable discussions on Facebook regarding the use of the word Transvestite and Tranny. How some see this as degrading and others are accepting of it. I as many of you who have read my blog am very accepting of it but I do get tired of people going on about whether it is right or wrong. Just be relaxed and understand what the ‘label ‘ means to the majority of people.
The dictionary or accepted definition of Transvestite (which I think comes more from an American rather than British perspective) is : ‘a person, typically a man, who derives pleasure from dressing in clothes appropriate to the opposite sex’. However in many cases in the definition some add ‘a person who derives sexual pleasure’ to the basic definition. The issue that is always the bone of contention is when the comment issue of ‘dressing for sexual thrill’ comes into it and then some add ‘to have sex’ on top of all this Then the plain and honest dressers throw all their toys out of the cupboard and stamp on them! For my own ten penneth I think we have to distinguish between the thrill of dressing and the act of a sexual experience.
I do get a ‘sexy’ thrill from dressing but not a ‘sexual’ one. Susie who runs the Château Femme dressing service likens it to when she was 17 and went out dressed with her girlfriends on her own for the first time. They all felt incredibly beautiful sexy and randy but that doesn’t mean they were on the pull. It was the elation of getting out and about as they wanted to be, not in the controlled fashion dictated by their parents. The whole dressing experience for them was an uplifting one and so it is for Trannies. Hah! have used the forbidden word again! The former is confused with the latter in the vernacular.
I have always said in the past that I feel sexy when dressed en femme. I do not feel sexy dressed as a man but put those girly clothes on and It’s a rush and a half!
Susie, kind as she is, said I look sexy as a man. But I offered her the idea that she should imagine herself with short, thinning, balding hair, no make-up, cotton bra and knickers, in a t-shirt and jeans and flat shoes does she feel sexy…answer no! Then think of herself with long hair beautifully made up plenty of jewellery a short dress stockings and heels with manicured and painted nails and some sexy silk underwear under all that. How does she feel now? Yep,that’s the sexy feel us Transvestite well I get, not sexual!
Yes of course it may make us feel a little horny but that is part of the whole release of the inner you. Without the rush I get in front of the mirror when I first look at myself fully dressed it would be a deflating experience. I would also couple this to another element which is the sheer sigh of relaxation that Tara is back and the associated change of mindset this offers. LOVE IT!bedTV
But this also leads to that inevitable question that we all ask ourselves ‘why am I like this?’ Why do I feel it is such an integral part of my being that I have to dress on a regular basis and, when deprived of it for a period of time, I can become frustrated, edgy and even mildly  depressed? There is nothing genetic about it so what is it that drives us? This is a time-honoured question which many have looked at, but no one yet has a definitive answer (too much of a minority subject). Therefore any amateur psychologist can have a go. So here is my two-minute personal view on the subject.
I believe there are two routes into transvestism (note not Transsexualism, that is completely different). The first is that it is innate in us. Susie says that in her dressing service about 80 percent of her customers say it has always been there and that they have suppressed it for a long time. Others, like me, had an experience of something or other that triggered the interest/desire. in my case it happened around puberty, and this had a fundamental effect on them and that lead them to dressing. In my case it was a fascination with stockings and tights from a very early age, so much so that my first orgasm was whilst wearing tights. I did not know what had happened (sex education did not exist and your parents did not discuss it) and it left a strong impression on me . Wearing stockings led to experimentation with dressing and so on…
But from there we then go on the whole should I dress and the associated guilt trips of dressing. This can involve many cycles and cross many years.  The reality is that at some point we come to terms with it and accept that it is something within us, it offends few so why the hell not get on with it. Unfortunately for many the sheer embarrassment of being found out, particularly when younger, is a bigger driver than indulging in an activity frowned on by a large segment of society.
With most of us it is a roadmap that has many twists and turns. We all try numerous routes and find many dead ends on our path to enlightenment. But isn’t that all part of the fun? The eralier you start the more fun you can have!
To give you an example this is how it worked for me. As I said in my early teens it started with stockings and occasionally trying on my sister’s clothes. When I moved away from home in my late teens the urge receded with my first girlfriends and the introduction to sex. That occupied enough of my time! I tried on a couple of things but it lay dormant until my early thirties when a playful Sub/Dom night with a girlfriend just clicked on something. After we split I went to a mistress for the first time with a ‘like something different’ request. After 20 mins chat she said ‘I think you are a Transvestite’.  She dressed me and that was that. For the subsequent years I bought clothes dressed in secret got a guilt trip and purged on at least 4 occasions. Ouch, all those clothes and money in a dump bin!
IMG_1715Finally by my mid 40’s I accepted it. This was primarily due to the internet.  I realised there are thousands like me that had had the similar experiences to a greater or lesser extent. I realised it was not going to recede and I had to accept it. I started to go out and my wardrobe grew. It was fun. Then my wife found out and we divorced. It was not the dressing it was the fact that I had lied and kept it from her that had such a shock. Now I am able to pursue it as I wish. But that is just one level. One side issue however has been that as a result of all those years of guilt and dishonesty I still have problems opening up to anyone about it. Even a girlfriend that runs a dressing service! You get so used to hiding things it becomes the norm, and to be honest you are only dumping your years of pent up frustration on someone who really is not that empathetic.
On top of this there are numerous other layers one of which is the whole illicit element of the fact it is ‘not done’ in society. I think many of us actually enjoy that we are different from mainstream society and we are doing something a little naughty and that gives us a thrill as well. Then there is also the fantasy element where us more mature Trannies dress in outfits a 30+ years old woman would rarely wear! Its all part of the complex make-up of being a Transvestite. Listen I even get a thrill out of the constricting sensations from elements of shapewear…such a pervert!
This is why we are so difficult to comprehend and nigh on impossible to explain to the public at large. There is no biological reason for being a Transvestite just a deep-seated instinctive thing inside us that needs from time to time to be sated. For me long may we remain in the ‘specialist’ sector such as Trekkies, Goths,  Steampunk, Train-spotters and the like. We must not be confused with the bulk of Transgenderists. They have an in-built female drive that says they are a woman. Yes Transvestism might be a start to help them down the line of their gender dysphoria but it’s not really a solution. They really need to be female not just feminine. Its a bit like so many Transvestites go to Gay bars primarily because they are more accepting of them than the mainstream,  even though the bulk of Trannies say they are not gay!  It is our personal expression and being with like-minded people who enjoy a similar label is part of our fun!
So that’s my skew on this marvellous sexy life of the Transvestite.  Now I will await the hatred and invective bile from the people who hate the label Transvestite and Tranny. I love them, sets me apart! XXX

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Go On Express Yourself

I have always loved hiding behind the veil of transvestism. It affords me so many opportunities to express an inner self that is for the most part hidden. So many of the ‘girls I meet love the freedom that dressing gives them. It opens so many doors that the vanilla boy could never explore. So many identify with a second person within the one body.

I have always talked about how I can feel my whole mindset changing as I create the alternative persona of Tara. Susie my partner who runs the dressing service Chateau Femme says she sees it in most of her girls and loves not only seeing the physical transformation but also the mental changes that manifest themselves once a girl is dressed. She definitely sees it in me and you can read about all the fun we have had with that side in previous posts!!
I love the whole release from the norms of ‘vanilla’ life. It is a wonderful release. I feel that over the years the strictures of adulthood, my family upbringing, schooling and general attitudes prevalent in society have ensured I was conditioned to be a particular type of conformist. I was never the rebel and life remained a little more prosaic as a result. I recognise now that in order to get on I subordinated other drives within myself in order to climb the greasy pole of corporate life. It is only since I became self-employed making my own decisions, unencumbered by politics or political correctness that I allowed other aspects of my life to emerge and flourish. This has been bit by bit no road to Damascus moment for me.
I was out with a group of girls at the BNO and it was interesting to hear how they got to where they are and had the courage to be out for a fun night with the rest of the girls. Many said that those first steps were filled with trepidation but they had put the barriers in their own minds and they were continually looking at the worst case scenario. Top of that list was being recognised, found out and exposed to friends and family. I am not going to tell anyone to forget this aspect of fear but I would say put it into perspective. You are putting different clothes on, hiding behind a veil of make up and even sunglasses, then going to venues your friends, family and office colleagues never visit so the chances are slim. What I now know was that I feel there was an incredible missed opportunity in particular in my thirties for some great fun!
 Susie says that so many of her clients say after their first dressing they wished they had also done it earlier but they, as so many of us, have decided that retreat is the better part of valour, and how you could possibly tell your partner having hidden this secret for so long! It is impossible to really say there is a perfect way to tell someone (see previous postings). Suffice to say people are more accepting than you think once they get their head around it! But then again it is also a very distracting (and addictive) hobby and I probably would have not put as much effort into my work and family life if I had been having the fun I now do. Ah life is so much about choices!!!IMG_0848
Being able to dress however allows me to break the barriers. The physical act of putting on femme clothes and in my case clothes that many say I am far too old to wear breaks all the taboos and thus releases the ‘devil’ (with a small d) in me. Suddenly the blinkers are off and the freedom this allows me is amazing. Sorry girls I know I am a bad dancer but who cares, that is  the least of my worries! In younger days this allowed me to experiment with aspects of my sexuality as I really did not know why I dressed and how it affected me. Been there, done it, bought the strap-on thrown it in the bin. I always say try everything once except incest and Morris dancing! Nowadays the experimental side has taken a back seat as I have settled into enjoying the paths that I do not regard as dead ends. And there are plenty of those. Oh God there are plenty of those!
So this includes things such as heels that are too high, skirts that are too short and dresses that are far too tight. This can take a frightful toll on the budgets as you are buying clothes for 2 people, though I must say the man budget is less than half the woman’s. As for make up this is getting more elaborate but not in so much of a drag queen way! Instead I watch You-tube try to hide, layer and preen in a more sophisticated way than I did 5 years ago. One foundation…you must be crazy! What is more evident how encompassing things have now become. I have time to experiment. How does contouring work? Is taping or nude bras the best way to create cleavage? What is the best way to tuck?  Is it easier to walk in heels with or without a sway? Etc. etc. etc.
In recent months as Tara has got out on a more consistent basis so it has had a double effect. Firstly it is slightly addictive in its nature as you get an inner excitement from dressing and just love to see yourself dolled up on a regular basis, so you need this outlet. Secondly you do start to feel that something is lacking in your schedule if you cannot dress once a week, the beast needs to be sated…again and again.  This is a warning to all those who either cannot dress as they please or that their partner does not want to see them dressed.  To tumblr_l09myxO3EB1qzsdz2o1_500them I suggest keep it to a special once a month event and recognise that after that event you have to put the girl away and focus on life’s other priorities. All of us hate that time at the end of the evening when you are in front of the mirror and you are taking the girly face off to be replaced by Mr Sexual Norm. It is a real downer, but instead think how lucky you have been to have the ‘b###s’ to have done this and had an experience of which so many others are very envious.  For those of you who can dress how and where as they please look back at a past article where I say you should be considerate of your surroundings and others and not thrust your lifestyle in their face…ah yes, another avenue I closed off many moons ago xxx
In recent weeks there are so many new stories surfacing on Crossdressing and Transvestism. Note I have always seen myself as a Transvestite not a Transsexual. In terms of society’s acceptance we are so far back in terms of being understood along with Scientologists and rubber dolls! I get a kick out of dressing but do not feel that I am a real woman, more a fun imitation. A great article written by a Japanese reporter in 2012 entitled 16 Things I Learned From Dressing In Drag was a start then moved onto Japan slowly begins to openly discuss crossdressing men in heterosexual relationships.Always A Start
In this one they mention a photographer who takes pictures of crossdressers. She says that there are three times in a man’s life when he might awaken to the fact that he enjoys women’s clothing. First is puberty, the next is in his 30s/40s, and finally in his 60s after retirement. Each of these tends to be a major turning point in their lives. I haven’t reached my 60’s yet but can definitely identify with earlier times. I  had pangs from 9-14 years old and rediscovered them in my early 30’s. Susie my partner who runs Chateau Femme dressing service says that inquisitive men in their 30’s and retired men in their 60’s are a dominant part of new girls who come to visit. These more mature men have in some cases harboured this desire for a long time. But others have done it on a whim and found themselves a fantastic new hobby, or in a few cases a complete lifestyle.Always A Start

I also loved the article from Rocket News about a ‘Girls’ Club in Tokyo where anyone can dress anyway they like. The bulk of the customers there were not interested in being fun and sexy,  just ‘ We do not want to be girls just cute‘. I thought so true. It really is all about the look for me. Then its about the mannerisms and finally the whole way you act. Susie had just had the stock for her new set of wigs delivered the other day and she asked me to try some on. Without make up on I looked dreadful and this combined with the article struck such a chord.
IMG_0041The whole idea is that we do put a lot of effort in trying to turn the male sow’s ear into a femme silk purse. We tend to like what we see, its better than the male self. OK it may not be that feminine in the truest sense of the word except for a gifted few. But boy do we feel a million dollars. Its not Ted or Bill or Frank looking back at us but a changed person with a femme name and we love it. I have always alluded to the change of mindset that I go through in transforming from male to T. I love the journey and the destination, it leaves me in a really new and perfect place. As I have now had a couple of years of being able to indulge as and when I want I realise it is now a part of me. Its not a drug that is addictive, its now a psychological part of my make up that is a great calming influence on my life.
Parts of it are now creeping into my everyday life such as mannerisms, oh God a limp wrist again, stop walking that way boy, stop slouching and sit up more! Its just fun and I am constantly fighting the brainwashing that I have gone through in conforming to society’s social mores. Its a bit like coming round to say God does not exist when you have had so much religious doctrine imposed on you from such an early age. You feel guilty for something you should not.
I have read that many T-girls in their early days got sexually turned on by dressing, but as time has passed this has waned. I would argue against this for many of us, not all. The whole process of dressing and getting out is a wonderful buzz and just because you have not got a stonker does not mean you still don’t get excited! Oh help us if life has to be bland and nobody can stand out a bit. That also means you cannot belittle Trekky Conventions, Stamp Collectors and Birdwatchers. Each of us have our own bent! The article Why Do I Crossdress shows there are so many shades to this spectrum. (I am no 18!)IMG_1171
This also has bearings on our sexuality or more importantly our psyche. I do get excited by dressing it does give me a buzz and makes me a little more playful or extrovert. But I think the bulk of it is in the mind and for me that is where it stays nowadays. In my younger days the amount of times I found myself chatting to another ‘girl’ in a rather flagrant way were numerous. But only too quickly I would realise this was a fantasy, not a reality, and a girl without her wig and make-up was just a man. It was the look that appealed to me and probably a little bit of the chase, not the kill!
Now I know others disagree with my standpoint as I discussed in an article last year on flirting vs sex some girls are genuinely gay or bi and do find going the whole way part of their way of expressing themselves, the problem with us flirters is that we are sending out the wrong message to people who are genuinely interested in taking things further. Susie has made me realise this and to understand what I thought was harmless fun in reality is playing with peoples feelings too much. I have put a serious stop to it…well most of the time!
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As a follow on from my last blog regarding how I can very easily annoy my girlfriend, by being very selfish in regard to my dressing and actions when we are out, I thought of  how many of us T Girls can fall into a similar trap. These traits principally concern us being selfish and self-centred and can seriously make us annoying to many of our friends. I hope by alerting you to some that I have seen over the years may help you to recognise a trait within you. We all have a little bit of some of these but it is when it is taken to excess that it will infuriate your friends and may result in them not wanting to go out with you, and God knows there are few enough opportunities to get out as it is! Its not meant to be bitchy, but some might read it as such, its just a memorandum to self to think of others when out and not run the roost according to your peccadilloes.
I think I have spotted 4 symptoms that can annoy others of which many of us are guilty to a greater or lesser extent:
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The Me Talker – this is the girl who gets little or no time to be her femme self because of personal circumstances. She has some friends that know she is a tranny but tends to dress a lot in private and has few chances to get out. When she does hit the boards she has saved up so many things to talk about she tends to monopolise the conversation and talks incessantly about herself. She is like Opra Winfrey. Conversations are turned to her agenda and she always wants to tell others what the effect of something was on her, even if the conversation was nothing to do with her. This can be particularly annoying when one of the other girls has a valid emotional point she wants to raise only to find the conversation taken over by the ‘me’ girl. She has to get out more and learn to listen to others and shut up! There will be plenty of opportunities.
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The Shock Talker – this girl is out to make a statement and get noticed. She wants to be the centre of attention and is searching for an impact in every comment, a bit of a Jose Mourihno. You know that they are always looking for something that will be an over the top statement and after a while tend to become numb to it so they look for more shock tactics. Not sure if it’s because in her male role she has a fairly unexciting life or that through dressing she can release the exciting adrenalin junky that is constantly held within. She will engage in conversations with other groups and be the one hogging the dance floor with a look at me way about her. Originally she is seen by friends as a funny exciting person and of course she lives on that. But after a while she can become a liability to some drawing too much attention to the group and in particular creating situations by not reading the events that are going on around them. Her antics can become tiresome and annoying if all she wants to do is make over-the-top statements. This is occurs particularly when some girls want to have an honest and in-depth non judgemental chat about things. She has to just relax and appreciate that the group is a little more placid than her. Her time will come.
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The Organised Talker – the girl who is constantly trying to set the agenda for the group. She is a control freak, a bit of a Victoria Beckham. Deciding dates, times and places she never really settles to enjoy the moment. She is always looking to the next thing they are going to do and as a result does not allow the group to relax. Yes they all like the fact that someone is taking the decisions just hating the fact that all discussions are about what they are going to do next not what is happening now. A bit of a perfectionist she is never quite happy as they could have done things better and as such there is always more to be done. Girls feel a little controlled and unsettled in her company. She just has to learn to live in the moment a little more. There is always another event to organise in due course.
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The Sexy Talker – this is the horny one. This is the Kim Kardashian girl. Dressing makes them feel incredibly sexy and they get so turned on by the occasion that their focus is primarily on the sexual liasons of the night. Their conversation revolves around ‘opportunities’ and having fun. She can be very tactile and slightly predatory. She drops many unsubtle hints throughout the night, which can be tiresome. She can be highly excitable and not read any romantic elements that have been happening throughout the evening. She thinks that most girls have the same urge within them and that they would fancy some fun with her. But it’s not so she has to back off and wait for situations to arise not spend her time trying to create them. There are opportunities at every turn they will come to you!
OK this may seem a little harsh but we all may have some elements of these within us to a greater or lesser extent. I know I have and it’s just a case of recognising this is happening before people stop asking you out to events you love to participate in. I am sure many can think of other stereotypes . Anyone got any others they dislike such as the pain in the bum blogger who is finding things that really don’t exist!! XXX
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