Tag Archive: sensuality


Most of the TV’s I know are heterosexual. But many of them have great difficulty in finding a woman with whom they can share their femme side. A normal boy-girl relationship is hard at the best of times then add the Tranny dimension and things get even tougher. But there are plenty of examples out there and it can work with some effort on both parts. As I said in a previous article on the Lonely Road of Transvestism it tends to be a hidden pursuit and if you become single it can be a fairly monogamous from a relationship point of view. I also looked at this from a woman’s perspective in my blog on relationships with a real woman looking at many of the pitfalls that occur. I even begged women to look at it from our perspective in my article for a plea for better understanding. This however would imply that all the work has to be done by the woman in coming some way to understanding how we feel and act when in femme form. This was far too focused on the me, me, me  aspect of being a Tranny which at times can be so self-centred.
However I thought if a woman has a strong personality and has confidence in her role and sexuality as well as an openness to acceptance of the Transvestite side then this offers some interesting avenues. Rather than focussing on the negatives let’s look at the womancd1positives of this from a woman’s point of view and hopefully this may at least bring a few more round to thinking of us not as oddballs but as someone with whom a genuine loving and caring relationship can be enjoyed. Remember that gender is a kind of performance. Women perform femininity it’s primarily because society asks them to. Ditto for males. Trannies are seen as eccentric but why does the shape of your genitals determine what you should wear, watch on TV or in our cognitive abilities. If you can be open to this form of thinking then there are so many new avenues to explore.
  1. If you indulge a Tranny that man and I mean man (not the Tranny that is just a side to the man’s personality) will remain loyal to you forever. He will regard himself as one of the lucky few who has a partner that has endeavoured to understand his femme side . One who is comfortable with both sides of his personality and does not see it as a barrier to a relationship in the classic (and in my opinion outmoded)  sense of the word. A woman who obviously understands her identity and does not see the arrival of the third person as any threat to the relationship.  This woman is now a person with whom the man/tranny can share his whole life. There is nothing hidden, no doing things behind your back and no stress from those covert times when he ‘has’ to dress. As a result you will have a caring and sympathetic partner who will not wander off to participate in nefarious activities away from home. Most men whose other halves know of the girl side adore their partner for being so sympathetic and caring and return that favour in spades and just like that big puppy dog desperately wanting to make a relationship work for all.
  2. In Tranny mode you are going to have a much softer person across the table from you for a period of time, if that’s what you want. Your conversations will change. No longer will they be dominated solely by those of the more direct anecdotal male world. Instead they tend to turn to more female related subjects . You will find that when dressed they are more interested in talking about clothes makeup and appearance. Their feelings will be more exposed and they will be in tune with yours as well. Their interests are more akin to yours and they love to indulge it. Recognise that when they return to maledom they might be a little reticent to talk about these things it’s just purely them returning to the male role that is expected of them in society as their femme side has been hidden from the outside world for so long.
  3. Trannys endeavour to get in touch with their innermost feelings and as a result have a much deeper understanding of what you are going through. They will wear their heart on their sleeve from time to time and recognise that they must give the woman
    2013-09-17 00.00.27in their life that same amount of time. They have gone beyond the ‘man up’ era and moved onto the empathetic stage whilst at the same time constantly questioning why they are as they are , not a woman but some third sex.The average Tranny is more sociable than the bloke. OK they do want to talk about themselves so, so much but with time and regular intercourse this will pass. It will be replaced by some shared common ground and open up so many possibilities for discussion that the lad has had beaten out of him by his peers. Nights will be much more romantic and probably less fixated on the bedroom. Though this is still very important to TV’s as much as the bloke. Conversation will revolve around so many female aspects that men have to pretend they don’t understand though many do!
  4. You will get another play partner in your life if you can handle it. My own personal experience of the Transvestite world is that when dressed a different persona emerges in both the mind and body. This means that the approach to sex tends to be different when they are dressed. Not only does a softer, lighter more easygoing person come out but also a changed sexual player with a new agenda in the bedroom. Do not get this confused with those who love the whole sexual play of being a Tranny. There are still those that get turned on by dressing and want to play when dressed but these are not what I am talking about. Instead  when your partner dresses a different aspect to their sexual play arises. There is a more erotic side that emerges that is not all ‘wham bang thank you ma’am’ which you get with the boy side. Instead it focuses on the more sensual side as they are more in touch with the totality of the encounter, with neither of you expected to play the dominant alpha and subservient beta unless you want to. The focus will be on discovering new forms to tumblr_m29mjj8Had1rtz49xo1_500your sexual relationship. You gain a lesbian lover who is again caring. A lot of their harder masculine drives tend to be shelved in favour of more ‘girly’ play. Please remember that when back in boy mode this side can be put away until the girl comes out again. The act of engaging their Femme side does open them up to exploring a lot more about what drives them in the sack. You do effectively get two lovers for the price of one person in various disguises. It opens up new and different possibilities if you have an experimental mindset. The question will always be how far do you go. Believe me the ‘girl’ in bed is much more open to suggestion than the missionary male you see most of the time.
  5. As the boy moves into girl mode so you have a lot of new things in common. Shopping will be more fun. You will have a new friend who will love to indulge in a day out (though not necessarily in girl mode). This person will tell you if it’s not right, if your bum looks too big in it and how they would wear it. They will also want you to help them and share the whole activity. They will be desperate to try it on when they get home and seek your approval. You could have some playful  (and remember this is about play) fun doing it whether you both have the guts to go out dressed or in boy mode. But this doesn,t stop there because  in the past you did not share your love of certain aspects of femininity with your boyfriend because that was not the done thing. Well now you can and he will welcome the chance for getting even closer to you. OK he might have better legs but don’t see this as a threat to your role in the house. He just wants to let this girl out from time to time and in any case its much more difficult for him to transform into a woman than you he may have some great tips to share or help you with.
  6. To go out with a TV you need to have a strong identity yourself but it opens up avenues to discover your own persona. The Tranny on countless occasions will have asked themselves why they have this innate drive to do this thing. They will have questioned their gender, their sexuality and their fetishes. They are an ideal person to have round the dinner table to discuss yourself. Most of us find that once you have had the long and meaningful round table discussions with a TV then the more
    standard conversations of ‘normal’ dinner parties seem so much more banal. They sometimes seem at such a low-level they do not delve into your inner being, your mindset, your feelings. By the way if he’s eyeing another woman its more likely that he is thinking how could I do that look and would it really suit me oh and yes she does look good!!
So there you have it you get a girlfriend and a boyfriend a new sexual partner someone to exchange clothing and makeup as well as share some tips. Someone who will appreciate your female qualities a whole lot more. womancd4Understands why you take so long in the bathroom, Is experimental in bed. Tends to have better hygiene and puts the loo seat down, may even be more willing to help out in household tasks. Someone to go shopping with and may even do your makeup and nails. There will be less concerns as to the lipstick marks on his collar, travel time will be cut in half because ‘she’ is willing to ask directions, less football on telly and more sloppy films,. You will have more larger clothes around for those days when you just want to chill or you will definitely have clothes for those moments when you want that tarty look!
Regardless of this frivolity you will have a partner who has nothing to hide, except that little black number you hate, a person with whom you can share so much more and a person who will adore you for that little time you let the girl out. XXX
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At this time of year try to put a note of caution to many Transvestites out there. In particular those that have the freedom to express themselves as they wish rather than being left in the cupboard with everything all pent up. For those that have suddenly found a new lease of life because they can now dress how they please certain pitfalls can arrive that can mean that the whole Tranny side can get a bit out of control. I have noticed that certain traits appear when suddenly the shackles of not being able to dress are removed and the balance can shift quite heavily from the boy to the girl with many of the myriad of consequences that can arise.
There are several signs that your TV tendencies could be coming less fun and more of an addiction
  1. You use dressing as a coping strategy for other problems you have. Because of life’s ups and downs we retreat to the comfort of the girl, The peace of the moment. Any time you feel under pressure you retire to the femme side where you feel secure in the moment. But this is false the boy side has to return and you have to get a grip as to why you ‘have’ to dress.
  2. Dressing gives you an identity you crave that you just don’t have in boy mode. On the male side you are that relatively unnoticed grey man in the corner of the pub who nobody talks to because you are not ‘interesting’. Dressing suddenly makes you different and people approach you to talk to you, to appreciate and admire you. You feel sexy when this happens and realise that to go back to the grey side is not really that good as you have so much fun as the girl. You can probably hide behind this veil and your true personality comes out. Learn to let that person out on the boy side as well.img_2628
  3. You look at women as clothes horses. You may appreciate how good looking a woman is but now you are looking at what she wears for inspiration for your dressings. Is this now messing with your sexuality or have you somehow become blasé with your attitude to real women. As a woman passé by do you say wow or do you say I can do that look? If so need a reality check on who you fancy and why!
  4. Your girl wardrobe has now surpassed the boy’s. You rarely go out shopping for the boy and the number of packages that are arriving from eBay surpass any other things in the post! Trips to the shops are more frequent and you are starting to push budget boundaries. Be careful the money will very soon add up and our predilection to wear an outfit for no more than a couple of times will lead to an overstocked wardrobe that then moves to take up the spare room or loft or lock-up unit. Many of the outfits you will never wear! And as for that shoe or boot collection how many duplicates do you have? It’s fine if the money is yours and yours alone but in most cases this comes from a shared budget. Set yourself a specific budget each month and glory in the splendour of the few new outfits you buy.
  5. You spend a lot of time in front of the mirror just staring at your own reflection. This narcissistic tendency is very common amongst us. We spend far too much time engrossed in the later ego opposite and not enough time in the real world. Are we looking at a future girlfriend, how we would like the wife/girlfriend to look? Are we indirectly making love to yourself? This can almost lead to withdrawal as we find a kindred spirit facing us in our reflection. Stop it get out girl it’s not reality!
  6. Conversation when dressed revolves around you and your TV world. This is boring to others, who want to talk about themselves just as much. Just because you do not get out that much does not mean you have to monopolise the conversation for your own gain. You will rapidly lose your support group. You can find out just as much about yourself self by asking questions of others rather than just expressing your opinions to the exclusion of all others. Friends need their own space to talk as well, these times out are just as important to them as they are to you. Stop being selfish!
  7. As soon as you have been out you are already planning the next outing. The places to go the outfits to wear what you might be missing on the make-up front what new looks are in vogue what theme there might be! Your life starts to be dictated by the girl and her outings are constantly in your mind dominating many waking moments. You are addicted to the excitement of the whole operation and the actual planning process is a smouldering slow build-up of excitement. Remember this is a sideshow it’s not the only thing in life. Do a reality check on how you spend your time and what things motivate you.
  8. You are becoming confused sexually. Because we live in the realm between the girl and the boy we are full of confusing feelings. This can lead to a want to experiment to try other sides of your sexuality to gain new experiences. Your new found confidence in dressing suddenly can transfer to a new want to experience new horizons which may or may not be fun. Just remember that the next morning there is going to be ‘the boy’ in bed not that thing you see in your head or the mirror. The mind fuck of being the girl is a great turn-on, just let it remain as that unless it is genuinely bringing out another side of you that has lain dormant for so long. If so just be careful.
  9. You don’t give a flying fig what others think,you are doing this for yourself and others should accept you as you present yourself. You feel you should be allowed to express yourself as you wish and people should accept you for who you are. But that’s not true we live in a society and cohabit the same space. Some people are uncomfortable with things outside the norm and you have to be sensitive to their feelings otherwise you are just a Trump supporter without any respect for others that inhibit this space. They must tolerate you and you must respect them it will take them time to adjust so don’t throw it in their face.

    Drag Queen in Pink Wig

    Who Am I?

I am sure there are other traits and I will add to this list as I get feedback. But the gist is just don’t let this whole thing dominate your life to the exclusion of all others .Remember I write this from a Transvestite perspective that sees this a wonderful sexy pastime that I adore to indulge in not the fact that I want to be a woman and want the change. As someone said to me the other day with the growing acceptance of the TS rights in the last few years we are now becoming that rare group that does not break the law but is still regarded as much the darker side. Most of us actually like the fact that this is whole thing is a bit naughty but please don’t make it an obsession
A very Happy Christmas time to you all. Hope its naughty but nice and remember make sure it does not offend anyone XXX
It took a long time for me to realise that my fascination for being a Transvestite was in actual fact a way of liberating an inner part of me that had been hidden deeply on my male side. It is interesting how with this new freedom my femme personality has come to the surface and ultimately evolved into a highly enjoyable relaxed pastime rather than a frustrated sexual event.
In the early days I thought dressing was an innate drive within me to be some kind of a woman, but I enjoyed ‘The Boy’ side as well. I now realise it releases me from those bonds and opens up a different set of desires that have always lain hidden within my mind. I loved the Grayson Perry Channel 4 analysis. on this subject.grayson-perry
The strictures of society and male life impose so many guilty layers on numerous aspects of our personality that it makes it very hard to peel them off and reveal my real Tranny side. I have talked others as to why they dress and so many of us Transvestites agree that it is how you feel when you are dressed that is the key driver that makes you want to do it again and again. This feeling dissipates when you are back in the ‘vanilla’ world.
I have talked in previous articles how for some it is placing the wig; others it’s putting on make-up; the slinky stockings or those forbidden high heels that releases a new person from within. We each have our own triggers.
But is it the real you? I am not sure.,as I am quite happy to put the genie back in the bottle and let her out from time to time.  I have never really worried about passing it’s always been about my mindset. In fact my girlfriend Susie who runs the Chateau Femme dressing service says to her girls that I have actively championed being a Transvestite and play the fact that I am a TV and not a woman nor a TS.
Dressing is all about me, me, me it’s very selfish and to the exclusion of all others, until I am ready. It is so personal. We are very selfish but it’s such an intense, internalised pleasure that is so focussed on what I want  it’s quite difficult to explain and share. Between us we can identify traits that so many Transvestites share but none of us have exactly the same set. So to try to explain to those that have never experienced these feelings it is virtually impossible, This is probably why so many of our partners cannot fathom why we do it and what we get out of it. The Americans have that lovely expression that it is a ‘mind fuck’. Ugly but very perceptive! It indicates that this is our mind-set and only we are in charge of changing it.
So why? Well it’s simple as we have said society makes us conform to, a stereotype ‘The Boy’. He has to do certain things in certain ways and perform accordingly. Unfortunately we also have another side, or several sides even, hidden deep within us that is/are definitely not acceptable to mainstream society. Trannying is the trigger that releases those needs and desires. Those of us who have been bold enough have found that inner person and let it fly will have gone down a myriad of paths as we come to terms with our ‘true’ inner being. In our cases there is a feminine side (note I use the word side) that has layers of masculinity heaped on it and needs a vehicle to let it out and that is what dressing does. But what does femininity mean, pretty relaxed and sexy I say. The question then becomes do you blend the two/three/four sides into one or do you play between them. I am in the latter category and very happy with it.mind-image
However this issue relates to how we feel more than how we act. Yes sometimes this excitement is pretty horny, sometime we get turned on by what we see in the mirror but for the main part it is that intense feeling we get inside ourselves that comes bubbling up that is the most satisfying. We love the appreciation we get but we love seeing ourselves even more!
But what does this release within us? Firstly I believe there is a sensual side. It was interesting to meet a person the other day whose inner girl came out when she wore sensual lacy lingerie, another enjoys the swish of petticoats, another good old Spandex. These sensual pleasures start the whole release that inner person(s). At some point in time however the feeling turns from a sensual outlet to feeling incredibly sexy. For me for example its with the putting on of the wig. It’s an intense emotion that I have rarely felt in boy mode and this is where women have the drop on the men. But somehow through dressing I can access those feelings because I have found a way to release them. After this however the elements of our sexuality come into play as we start to explore who or what we are. This can lead to different types of fun. Right or wrong but we have to try as its part of the nature of this drug!
I for example have a real penchant for shape. I adore the feminine figure and love corsets shapewear and tighter fitting clothes that releases my inner desire that makes me feel incredibly sexy. In the early days this used to turn me on and I became very sexually aroused and playful. It made me look into alternative routes and sexualities.  However in recent years these have abated somewhat as I much prefer just being Tara and realise what ‘she’ gives me. I found the trigger and can now get into the mindset fairly easily. Though I have to say the removal of all the paraphernalia at the end of the evening is a bit of a come down!
This  can explain why so many girls like to dress up as a Sissy, a Secretary, a Maid or a Domme Bitch. It’s something that is part of their make up which has to be accessed or it is the route to that inner person. I used to think that by dressing and making up with wigs and so forth I was transforming myself into my alter-ego and I could hide behind that veil and have lots of fun without being recognised. I now understand this is not true. I physically need to fully transform into the Tara person not just a bit of lippy and a black dress. I need to completely dress in order to access the Tara persona as it changes my mindset, my personality and of course my appearance far away from ‘The Boy’.
It’s a bit like advanced meditation where people reach their inner Nirvana through accessing an inner spirituality. In the same way I reach a space of inner contentment where I feel very sexy and incredibly relaxed. I also find myself very centred and living in the moment, not planning the next step like ‘The Boy’ would do, because the moment is relatively short-lived. If it was acceptable would I do it all the time? No. The laws of diminishing returns apply and would dampen the fun. Its something I love accessing from time to time, not all the time. In some ways it makes me appreciate ‘The Boy’ side as well!malefemale
I think this is why I like being a TV. It allows me a form of escapism from my male shackles. Because it’s an altered reality nothing is really expected of me and the pressures of day-to-day life are lifted. This for many can become all-consuming as the pursuit of pleasure and life on the other side offers a much more appealing option to the hustle and bustle of the expectations of the real life. Beware!
I think some TV’s and many TS’s get very confused about where they are and the default suddenly becomes being dressed not what they want to achieve. Unfortunately this hides the deeper problems they have. But that is one for the psychologists.
Now I think I have things under control…well almost XXX
Another Grayson Perry Links
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