Tag Archive: Accepting Transvestism


As you all know I try to stand up for the Transvestite side in a world that seems to be going Transgendered/Transsexual crazy. The last 12 months has seen the whole TS movement go over the tipping point in terms of public awareness or at least titillation in relation to genetic males wanting to become female. There are so many Caitlyn (Bruce) Jenners and Kellie (Frank) Maloneys and Laverne Coxs coming out of the woodwork to make their stand, and money, that it has been great for the whole T population

Kellie Maloney

Kellie Maloney

in general. There are good things in this in that all T’s  are much more accepted at bars, restaurants and entertainment venues where you are no longer seen as a complete oddity. Retailers just see you as a source of revenue and we are now regarded as a niche market that is to  be targeted. Thanks Primark for size 8 and 9 (UK) shoes!

However this has also caused confusion in the general public as both TS’s and TV’s who tend to be wrapped up in the same ball-gown. Now all TGirls are seen as men wanting to be women and have their bits cut off! I am worried that we (TV’s) are being subsumed into the Transgendered culture and it being such a broad church we are assumed to be the same as the TS’s who are now in the mainstream. The gender identity (TS) vs sexual identity (TV) needs to be promoted more. Now I can hear howls of derision from some quarters that I am implying that being a TV is about sexuality, but this is not what I mean. I believe that in dressing we do experience a form excitement from adopting our femme personality. In the start its

Duality

Two Minds One Body

something that turns us on but as we age we realise its an innate part of us that allows us to relax into another role, particularly in our mindset. This in itself is the real turn-on.

TS’s suffer from gender dysphoria TV’s are very happy with their duality and enjoy the switch from one to another. They do this on a regular basis but it is not permanent. If they want to remain dressed en femme all the time I suggest they have moved further down the TS route

Personally I think we have both a male and a female side and that the stronger one is on one side the greater the urge to ‘play’ with the other side emerges. I am male first and foremost but so enjoy the femme side when I can. This is particularly relevant the more the other side is allowed out. Susie my partner who runs a dressing service called Chateau Femme always has concerns when she sees a new girl for their first time dressed in front of another living being. She knows that this experience is a bit like taking the genie out of the bottle. An inner desire has been exposed and all of the barriers one would have put in the way of stopping it will have been removed. The result of being fully transformed can take a number of routes. Some (a very few) will say no it’s not for me. Some will say ‘oh my God this is just what I needed’ (the vast majority) I will now start to do it on an occasional basis as the want within arises. And some will say this is so deep within me I have to do this on a very regular basis (quite a significant few). About 1 in 9 (sounds better than 1 in 10) she says will probably start down the TS route over time discovering that whilst they do not feel trapped in the wrong body they feel more comfortable in their female form and hence want to take things further.

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Its A Fantasy Becoming Real

I fall into the second category. I love the whole calmer, living for the moment experience dressing gives me. I get off the expectations of the male world and indulge in the more laid back relaxed nature of my femme (note not female) side. I don’t feel like a woman a bit girlish but the definitions are very blurred. There are so many words out there to describe us Gender Fuck (someone who purposefully messes with the concepts of gender) Androgyn (one who messes with identity principally in dressing up)  Genderfluid ( someone who floats between the genders) Pangender (someone who is all genders) and my personal favourite Polygender (someone who has more than one gender, either identifying as more than one gender at once). This amount of labelling makes communication with others as to why we like to dress so complicated. It will be a long time before the public understands a Transvestite, we are far too complicated to sum up in one sentence. And long may it reign. I don’t want to have my fun summed up in a simple sentence. I just want people to realise its a fun thing to do and does not hurt anyone…except…well figure it out!

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Its The Look

But whilst Transsexuals focus on who they are we Transvestites focus on what we are. In defining this our dressing is the most crucial element. Yes I am sure TS’s, and I am sorry to use this term as they are apart from some minor abnormalities women in their minds, who love to dress up and look fantastic, but it does not define them. With a Transvestite it is the way and style of dress that gives us our identity. Default for us is dress or skirt, rarely when we go out as a group do the girls wear looser fitting jeans or trousers, if they do you can be sure they are bloody tight fitting and accompanied by some sexy heels or boots!

This is why Trannies love to get the affirmation that they look good when dressed. They even prowl up and down the bar hoping they get a ‘wow you look good’ compliment. Its their look and their ‘need’ that somebody else finds their outfit as attractive as they themselves do. Many dress as they would like to see a woman dressed and it is part of the whole fantasy in which they indulge. This is not necessarily in a sexual sense just that they feel so good that they just hope it does it for others in the same way…psychologists please explain in more than 5 tomes!

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Even Trousers Can Look Cool In The Right Style!

If I am anything like the TV norm, and who is, then the real fun for me is in the planning of what I am going to wear. If I have enough free thinking time then for a few days before I know I am going to dress I love to look at all the options available. I enjoy browsing the Internet, opening the cupboard to new ideas, looking at old photos of outfits I have put together and generally looking for new inspiration within what is my style. This all helps the change of my mindset that I adore and it is part of my fantasy. But it is the clothes and the actual dressing that really makes it for me. I am sure many women understand this as well. The effect of a sexy pair of totally inappropriate heels, those ever so sheer stockings and that slightly too showy dress that make the look! Perhaps there may be hope for us to be understood apart from the Transsexual world. But whilst the TS is thinking about reassignment surgery and hormones I am thinking short skirts and an eBay bargain!
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Many of you who read my blog will know of my love of the transformation from the boy to Tara. This may sound obvious for all TV’s but as I get older I am more and more infatutaed with the change in my persona and mindset that comes with dressing. I love the fact that clothes and make up allow me to act differently but I also feel very different.split-personality-600x428
Yes there is definitely a sexiness about the whole thing that I adore but over time this has moved from the more external ‘being turned on’ to an internal rush that creates an intense form of euphoria when the girl emerges. From there its a bit like a drug where you feel more confident more exppressive and more playful than when in those bloody jeans and T-Shirt! But I believe that this clearly defines a Transvestite. A Transsexual is interested in being able to show her true gender, dressing is incidental,  a crossdresser is primarily interested in the clothes they wear that gives them that sexual kick. A Transvestite is interested in the person that a complete transformation creates. We are a bit schizophrenic in our nature but we chose when we want to adopt our alter-ego(s) and control the situation. I personally just love this completely separate person emerging.
This change or ‘flip’ means that at as many levels as possible I try to separate the two completely. I have different social media accounts, different emails, separate mobile phones, websites and business cards. In the past this may have been a necessity because I was not telling my partner (by the way that is wrong wrong wrong), but nowadays even though I am living with a person who accepts Tara it I still want to keep them very very separate. Its so much more fun keeping a gulf between them because of how I feel when I am in either ‘mode’.  I like both sides and would hate that they came together, although my TV firends say that at times in male mode I can tend to exhibit more femme gestures than I did a couple of years ago! To me the major part of this change is in the physical act of dressing itself.
The other night I had the chance to be able to get ready for far longer than the normal hour I am normally given, without interruption! I suddenly realised that having plenty of time to change was as exciting as the actual change occurring. To really be able to get that make-up right to try lots of outfits and pose in front of the mirror was a wonderful part of the girl arriving. When you are in a rush you just do not have the mirror time to indulge in the pure activity of transformation and at times I just feel like a cock in a frock. However with the time I could actually feel it overcoming me as I put on my make-up and clothes. The Americans call it a ‘Mind Fuck’ and that is a perfect though vulgar definition. A friend also said that it was when the wig went on that the change occurred in her. And she was right, of all the things you do putting on the wig makes things complete and brings it all together This defines you.face-shapes
If you think that you want to at least put in quite a passable effort you must put a bit of time and effort into finding your right wig and, if you have the guts, getting someone to style it for you. We have a local Trans group who frowns when I and a few friends go out dressed in wigs and oh dear! short skirts. They look at us and wonder where we have the brass wahoos to dress in such a brazen manner. Its just not becoming for people of our age. They prefer to let their hair grow long and wear longer crinoline dresses implying they are more acceptable to the general population. They are probably right. But as the male gets older the hair thins and so many of these girls have male pattern baldness and thin straggly hair. Its just not the image I want to convey and its certainly not what gets me going! For me its about making the make the best of your appearance and for so many of us the need for the appreciation of what we have become is a vital part of the activity of being a Tranny. I mean how many of you have to at least do 2 or 3 parades of the bar/nightclub/event to see who is there and more importantly show off and get some admiring glances? But without  the all encompassing wig not a chance! To some Transvestites the concept that thye might be able to pass as a girl is their ultimate goal. For me I long ago accepted that I would not pass and instead focused on creating Tara a transvestite that would get approving comments purely due to people recognising the effort and style that is you. Ah yes we are back to the me, Me, ME, MEEE of being a Tranny as I alluded in previous posts.
I dress in a style that I adore that allows the transformation to Tara to be complete in my mindset and the wig is an essential, no, the vital part of this change. But you must look at yourself very hard. Think what style/look you want to convey.You must decide what shape of face you have then look at the type of wig that suits this face shape. Finally decide which one is right for the occasion. If like me you love long hair as it hides so many of the male traits its fine, but go out for a meal or dancing and this gets in the way so you have to look for a shorter alternative that still shows you off as you would like to be seen. Yes I know you can change your wig as many times as you want but in reality you will have a favourite that you know you look your best in.wig type
My partner Susie at Chateau Femme wrote a good Blog on the Subject of How To Find The Best Wig, but I am sure there are lots of other sites such as UK Hairdressers and Hairstylers as well as a good value wig store Mistresses who can help. There are also lots of sites on the web where you type in ‘what hairstyle suits my face’ but its crucial you define your shape correctly. Then you can move onto length, colour, synthetic, real hair and cut. This will improve both your look and your confidence as you get those comments we all crave. But also remember the Trabsvestite motto it is your distinctive and selfish style that works (I made that one up!). My style is the one I like to see in the mirror not necessarily the style others would like to see me dress in. Yes I am a selfish bitch that can embarrass others with too short a skirt too low a cleavage and too much shoulder showing for a person of my size and especially age. But this is the self indulgent part of me that is quasi-addicted to this wonderful pastime. And for me it exactly that something I indulge in from time to time not 24/7 or even 3 days a week. Too much bloody effort!
One of my biggest worries about many of the Trannies I meet is that the drive to dress is such a dominant factor in their lives that it becomes an all too consuming passion. It almost like a drug. We start down a fun narrow path and then suddenly we realise we are hooked. We start to think, when are we next going out, when can we next go shopping, what about that dress on eBay, what will I wear, what about that You Tube video on make-up, what is happening on social media, who am I going to meet etc. tumblr_lfjcc6SuDQ1qaycf7o1_500
As I have always said I am sure our mindset changes when we dress. A new personality emerges and we love that person and so look forward to being the girl as soon as time allows, and we have to dress for our own sanity. It can become such a driving, motivating force in our lives that it can consume all objectivity. We start to look at women not as people we are attracted to but as clothes horses. How are they wearing their dresses how are they carrying themselves how do they talk to people. We enjoy enrolling in the new personality of ‘the girl’ which gives us great escapism. We enjoy the ‘naughtiness’ the ‘sexiness’ and the ‘change’. This approach can bugger up any chances of having a meaningful relationship with a woman..if you want one like I do!
Our wardrobes become full of looks we would love to try but, because we don’t get out enough we tend to revert to our ‘standard” or default mode when we do. For example I have several pairs of very tight trousers and love the ‘jegging’ look but so rarely try it out because my best feature is my legs but they look sooo good in a short skirt or dress and I do love the sensation of stockings or tights. Result too many unused clothes dominating my life. Too much clutter in your life. Too much money spent on the pursuit of the unachievable.
The question is when does a fun pastime becoming an obsessional and all pervasive lifestyle? My answer is that when the ‘girl’ starts to rule your decisions on your life then its time to take a hard look at what this means to you. If your nights out, your nights in, your holidays, your time on social media and your shopping are all dominated by ‘the girl’ then s doing you have to take a major step back from it and get some balance. Life is all about positive choices and behaviour not just giving into the slightest whim  You have to make a pact with yourself, and, if you are lucky enough to have one your partner, what part of the TV element is with you.
I and my partner agreed that in order to stop this becoming too pervasive in our life we have to have some parameters. In our case this not because Tara was becoming obsessional for me but purely because we were trying to do too much in all aspects of our lives and were so tired and exhausted that our time together was suffering. Others will suffer the same for different reasons.
So we set some basic boundaries I would dress once a week either with her or on my own and I would go out once a month again with her or on my own. The rest would be much more flexible but we agreed that it would be planned together not just Tara getting her own way…watch this space to see how we cope.
There is also an issue of trust here particularly if you are going out on your own. That is the basis of any relationship and something I broke in the past and from that point there was little hope of reconciliation. If you have shared with your partner that your femme side exists then you have to stop being too bloody selfish. Just because its out does not mean you are now given Carte Blanche to let the girl run amok with whoever whatever and whenever she wants. This is particularly important when embracing your femme personality. Too many times do I see men who by putting on the ‘girl’ suddenly can create a new identity that they can hide behind. Suddenly because it’s not really them they can be much more experimental, they can try fantasies they would never indulge as the boy. They think that by putting a wig on they are a different person and when they take it off they can be excused as they are no longer ‘the girl’. It is amazing how we can put things into exclusive boxes. Wrong, if you think like this you are deluding yourself.
tumblr_ljupucNFkB1qafi01o1_500This is clearly your decision. Mine is simple If I go out and do something that I would never do in my male life then I am breaking a bond between myself and my partner. In the past I thought I could do this as I said it was not me just ‘the girl’ having fun and I would be back in the morning…doh!
The question though is how far can this be pushed as Tara is a much more interesting and fun loving person than the male (yawn). She feels sexier she feels more alive more willing to take on new challenges and has a much more devil may care attitude. She loves the fact that the dynamics of the environment she is ‘operating; have changed. No longer as the male is she expected to decide what to do, how to get there and have to make the first approaches in conversation. She loves to be noticed for what she is wearing and now gives compliments freely to others, particularly to women because she knows how long it took them to get ready. Her conversation is broader and can cover subjects the man could not possibly cover in his rather limited highly constrained testosterone world. Because she is neither man nor woman she can set her own agenda. Through this she can find a different type of satisfaction than that as just the ‘man’ .
Its that old Ying and Yang concept . The old ‘to every action there is an equal and opposite reaction’ or ‘we need the opposite to be a complete the self’. In my case I see its Karma or balance. Too long straight-jacketed into the macho male side when there is a feminine part that needs to get out. The one thing however is that it does not create that bollocks of calm inner peace. Nope its a constant fight between what society in general expects us to be and the raving libidinist within. If you think I am going to spend all that time getting ready to sit like a shrinking violet in the corner forget it! There is a different animal emerging there!
One aspect of this however is nothing compares to the adrenalin rush of your first time out. Your senses on red alert everything being micro analysed and its a very big rush. If it was just about dressing then we would be happy to stay at home. Its like athletes who become hooked to the adrenalin hit they get from extreme exercise. Even to this day the rush you get from walking down the street in high heels knowing you are being clocked all the way is a weird hair shirt to wear. We were out with a good TV friend the other night and she told us how she adored her first time out and just adored being noticed so much so she started to be become more and more experimental in where she went eventually going into the roughest of working mens clubs to get a drink just for effect! Ironically it was in these establishments she got more respect and less abuse than in many of the Gay and Trans venues she normally frequented. She put it down the fact that she did not affront the men in those clubs as much as she queered the pitch for what the gay and TS people did.890aee849fccf989692716e407130083
My partner Susie who runs her Chateau Femme dressing service finds so many frustrated girls arriving for an appointment in their fifties to dress in front of someone for the first time. There are a number of reasons why they come to it so late. Life circumstances have changed, the acceptance it is a part of them, the drop in testosterone levels now saying they wnat to open up their female side all contrubute to this decision to come to a dressing service. I would say in 90% ofcases they do find real contentment by embracing their femme side but also regret they did not do it earlier. Then of course many want to go out and the whole dynamics of their life changes and the ‘drug’ sets in and like a drug can lead to further experimenting as you look for a new high. Suddenly things become all pervasive and they have found a new meaning. In quite a large number of cases this leads to Transsexualism and they realise they are a girl trapped in a man’s body. For many its a rite of passage to try new experiences. But can some people become addicted this? I maintain the answer is yes, particularly if they have addictive personalities. But to the vast malority of us it is about achieving a balance and minor experiments do not lead to a long term addiction just make sure you get the balance in your whole life not just the girl.
OK I know that Society’s understanding, interest and acceptance of Transvestism is growing. I love the fact that a TS is now known as a ‘Trans’ person we can reclaim the ‘Tranny’ nomenclature for the TV world. The world can discriminate more easily between TS and TV as the media puts this agenda to the fore. But understanding and acceptance does not necessarily bring about a relationship that many heterosexual transvestites desire. They need first to be understood and for many women that is a quantum leap too far.670px-Respect-a-Transgender-Person-Step-10
The problem with being a Transvestite is that it brings a third person/persona into your relationships. Most women find this incredibly hard to deal with at anytime. Its far too confusing when the hairy man they go out with/live with suddenly wants to adopt a femme side at least for some of the time. This is a particular problem if you have hidden this for a long time from them. Even if they have had their suspicions that something is going on telling them you are a transvestite is going to be very, very hard to adjust to. I have had so many stories where the girlfriend/wife says I want my boyfriend back. The thing is it is not your mental state that has changed but it is hers. How can a red-blooded heterosexual male suddenly enjoy high heels and short skirts! The first question you are asked is ‘are you gay’ you say no and then its a bloody minefield on which you start playing hopscotch. If you do ever find the answer to how to deal with this in some sane manner. You know where I am!
We would all agree however, from bitter experience and hindsight, that it is important to broach the subject of your other self at a fairly early stage in the relationship. Most girls are interested even intrigued by it in the initially but after the meeting of her and your femme self the game will have changed dramatically! The physical manifestation of your other side cannot be shown in pictures and writings. Once Pandora’s box has been opened it cannot be put back the way it was.
I am afraid though that the number of women (GG’s) that will reject you, for the time being, are far, far greater than those that will accept you. Sorry for that hard fact. Yes you may have been out dressed on many occasions and been amazed by how many women wanted to chat to you, ask you interesting questions and of course compliment you. But when it comes down to having a boyfriend who dresses then the barriers really come up as principally we cannot explain what inner ‘weird’ motivation makes us want to dress. Your girlfriend can hopefully read some of my previous posts and at least get a flavour that basically its a very sexy recreational pursuit and that the boy is just put on hold for a few hours. If she can embrace it then it will lead to numerous new horizons for the threesome!
Susie my better half who runs the dressing service Château Femme had a lady over from the States who is looking into Transvestism (as opposed to TS) for a series of US TV programmes. She wanted to show TV’s before and after transformation. This proved hard but we found a couple of people who were willing to show themselves on camera. The social stigma of Transvestism however was too much of a barrier for most. Even in my case the stigma is irrelevant but I do not want to link the male and femme sides I like them to be separated. Where however, we drew a complete blank was when she asked to meet and film the partners of Transvestites. We could not think of a single GG partner far less find one to go on camera. It was a very depressing thought that for all the thousands she has dressed over the years few partners will admit their boyfriend/husband is a TV!IMG_0757
So of course it sets you thinking as to why this is. We put it down to four probable reasons, I am sure there are more but here are my thoughts
  • The first and obvious reason is that it is just so difficult for the woman to comprehend what the hell is going on. So you like to play rugby but you also like to wear false breasts? You have a 42 inch chest how do you expect to pass against a size zero model? Why do you want to wear clothes a women of your age would never be seen dead in? The problem with us is that the feelings that dressing engenders are so internalized that it is impossible to really explain what is going on. It would take a women with the patience of Job to ask you all the right questions to set both your and her mind in order. Add to that the personality changes that we gain from ‘hiding’ behind the make-up and you have a cocktail that is very difficult to swallow.
  • Secondly there is the closed-minded lady who actually finds it repugnant that a member of the opposite sex dresses in ‘her’ clothes. This argument I always find the hardest because in theory she can wear anything a man does but we cannot do the reverse. You stand no chance with this kind of dogmatic individual who is completely closed to any form of dressing
  • The next trait is probably the most common in that she does not want to be linked by her peers to living with a Transvestite as it will end up in ridicule and mockery. Although highly common I think that many women over think this element as the reality is she will not become a social outcast because you, hopefully, are not throwing it in your neighbours faces every 5 minutes. Let the ‘girl’ have her fun. Many couples find the traditional midpoint where she accepts it is a part of you and she loves you but wants nothing to do with ‘The Girl’. This is I think is where bulk of TV and GG relationships tend to end up, unfortunately, though it does give you an element of freedom. But please do remember there has to be give and take and ‘The Girl’ can be a very selfish bitch when the mood takes her!
  • The fourth reason was mentioned to me at one of our outings just recently in that a women in the relationship likes the role where she is the pretty one and attracts all the nice comments about looks, dress and style. She sees her feminine role as an important discriminator between the two of you. Now suddenly this interloper with better legs than her is trespassing on her ground. This has a 50/50 chance if you can get over the fact that this only happens from time to time and you can share clothes make-up etc.The biggest challenge to you is getting over the earlier hurdles so that your femme self is less of a  ‘fright’ when she appears and becomes much more an accepted norm. In this way your girlfriend will be able to adjust to the new you as she is regularly exposed to that dreadful long blonde wig no right-minded woman would be seen dead in!
Even when you have decided to give it a try to see if you can work things out there is a long and hard path to follow, especially with that detour for those lovely red heels! And believe me even when you have a relationship where you are accepted  things do not go as smoothly as you might think because your girlfriend has to constantly battle between the conflicting aspects of the two of you. Just read some of my historic posts on this subject!tumblr_lyvpmzXoJY1qbreu6o1_500
However the women who do go along with it tend to have a strong confident personality and a clear understanding of themselves and their sexuality. They do not feel threatened by the Tranny there are lots out there worth searching for. They will help you mould yourself into a wonderful mad rounded character (not using shapewear) that you always wanted to be. But remember what they are having to come to terms with as well XXX

Out the other night chatting to a group of other TV’s it was interesting to hear how much of the time they wanted to dress. It did vary from ‘whenever I can’ to ‘just occasionally’ and more importantly ‘as the mood takes me’. We all agreed the latter comment was the most significant. We all said that at times the urge to dress overcomes us and it is a very powerful driver for our lives. If it is not sated it can make us tetchy and irritable. Then again given my advancing age there is a grumpy old git emerging away from Tara! Its not necessarily a drug but it is an all consuming habit that is very hard to shift.Girls Night Out

This drive can be harnessed in numerous ways from wearing a pair of panties to work to a full blown dress-up and night out with the girls. As many of the girls I was out with are already going out dressed this was easy for them. But I was also discussing with TV’s who cannot get out that much and the drive within them is just as strong but dressing much of the time is just not an option. Result…frustration.
One thing that did emerge from my discussions is that for most of the girls the whole transvestism thing is not a permanent one in the same way that being a transsexual drives them. Because being a TS is about gender. The dressing is incidental. For a TV its much more about sexuality. Dressing and the look/style/fashion is vital. We love it but a lot of the time we can leave it. I for example love the whole mindset of moving from male to Tara but this takes time and if I dont get that freedom to change my mindset I always say I feel like a cock in a frock not Tara! However when I do get the time and space to ‘become’ Tara that sense of elation when you put on the dress and wig and look at yourself in the mirror is very hard to beat on an emotional level. But | personally do not want to do it all the time. I prefer this to be my special time, my very selfish hobby. I do go for weeks at a time without dressing the urge does not seem to be so dominant in my thoughts. Its always at the back of my mind but not dominating my actions. Other priorities supplant it or just get in the way. My rational brain can handle these competing interests.
Then something triggers it and the butterfly has to emerge from her cocoon. A picture of a particular type of dress or some gorgeous high heels that I have just got to replicate. A discussion with my partner Susie  from Chateau Femme about what happened in a recent dressing.  A Facebook posting about one of my Tranny friends having a great night out. All these things set the beast, or is that the best, in motion. But once you have gorged on the animal it can very easily be put back into the cupboard and the male re-emerge de-stressed and with a knowing smile on our face.
This is the nub of what I see as the core of being a Transvestite. Someone who indulges on a regular basis in the whole experience of dressing and playing with their femme side but it can also be put away for another day. But woe betide anyone who gets in the way when that side is reawakened. I do however see so many girls that start as a TV but fairly quickly realise they want to live their life as a woman. These to me are really repressed TS’s. In fact that is wrong they are really women (just with some male trappings).
tumblr_lnjhr5jeu01qk88bco1_500As an aside on the ‘tetchy’ front both Susie and I find that I get quite easily irritated when I have just dressed and there are things to be done. She even said I was hateful at times and generally to be avoided for about the the first hour after I dress, whilst I calm down and adjust to reality! I put this down to the enjoyment of the fantasy suddenly being interrupted by being thrown back into reality. By this I mean I am in the fun mindset of Tara who lives for the moment and is enjoying flouncing around searching for the important things like the best lipstick shade and where the nearest long mirror is. The day-to-day reality of the boy is left behind in this escapist world. Then suddenly we have to make food, plan a dinner party or decide how to get to a destination, find parking etc. This is what the boy does this is all about planning, organising, getting things done, solving problems not enjoyiong yourself. Being thrown back into this is intensely frustrating and just as you think you can relax into being Tara you have to ‘do’ things.
As an example the other day we were staying at a hotel and I of course was taking far too long to get ready. So Susie went to the bar. I turned up half an hour later and I was looking forward to a quick sit down in the bar for a drink, as I felt I had been rushed to get ready, before embarking on our fun nights activities. Not a bit of it!
‘Wow I feel great darling lets just have a quick one so I can indulge Tara’
‘we have to be at a restaurant in 30 minutes’
‘well its only 10 minutes walk away as I understand, lets have a drink’
‘no I am not sure where it is can you text them to find out its address’
‘yes and lets have a drink whilst we wait for the reply’
Do I need a coat’
‘No it seems like a nice evening’ anything take your fancy’
‘Have you got the room key’
‘Yes what would you like’
‘Have you got some cash’
‘Yes I fancy wine’
‘Is the car parked OK’
‘Yes and they texted back, place is only 2 streets away so we have some time’
‘But the others have gone on ahead they were ready hours ago’
‘They arrived before us and we had problems with the booking and I have been rushing’
etc etc etc
You just want to live the moment but its now about doing something and the selfish part of you says ‘I don’t get that much opportunity to be Tara can I please have that time I so can relish the moment!’ Yes of course I get irritable its taking it away from Tara time. I dont want to sort out other peoples problems in this frame of mind! OK rant over!
But it is clear that we do adore our femme time and enjoy the whole relaxation of being the girl. But we all to often realise that the dress will be hung up, the waist will return to a boyish shape, the face consigned to the bathroom waste bin and the hair reverts to grey. That horrible coming down time at the end of an evening when the man returns. However the next day you have some great memories and know that at sometime in the future Tara will return when the girl comes calling. XXX
Is This So Wrong

Is This So Wrong

I have always said I love being called a Transvestite, because it clearly dissociates me from a Transsexual and shows me on a different level from a Cross-Dresser. It clearly defines who I think I am. Others however think TV is outmoded terminology and you are only a TS or a CD. I do however disagree as it removes much of the subtlety of the dressing scene. I have also said that the word ‘slut’ best described the style I adopt. This was mainly to do with the fact that I love to wear short tight dresses and high heels and adopt more feminine mannerisms. However on discussions with my partner Susie from Château Femme I have now realised that this is far, far too provocative a word to use, she says her definition of a slut is one who dresses for sex and try’s to give that come on look to all and sundry. Sorry this is not me.

Sensiblr

Sorry Not For Me!

Yes I dress in a provocative way. Yes I like the attention this attracts and yes it is in complete opposition to what people expect see in a person of my advancing age. But I dress primarily for me and the internalised fun this gives me, not really for others. If I dressed the way others would want to see me at my age the picture opposite might be more appropriate. But being the ego-centric, selfish bitch that I am I love the escapism of dressing in my ‘slutty’ manner! If you would like to understand my reasoning for why we Trannies are so selfish please look at some of my older blogs. We are incredibly self-centred (there are genuine reasons) and of course at times this may also cause offence, but genuinely it is not really intended as  its just an alter-ego coming out to play!
But the realisation that this can be provocative has also forced me into the whole issue of rhetoric and terminology. The vernacular for me is very different to the majority and I seem to have got it wrong. It’s an absolute minefield when you are discussing who you are with your GG partner. You really have to be selective and in reality what you see as harmless can conjure up visions you never even considered.  I for example always saw vast differences between Tart, Slut or Whore but for the majority they are just far too close. I have realised that I have to review my Tranny lexicon!
As I say, I like wearing short skirts and heels, totally inappropriate I know but ah well. But this is a very different style to someone to whom the underwear is vitally important (seen or unseen) or to the person who is most at home in a twin-set and pearls or a wedding dress or a secretary or rubber, or etc..The way you look or the way you want to look and the perceptions of others are linked. I am afraid to say girls, if you wear a short skirt and have a great pair of pins, people will draw parallels with certain unsavoury aspects of human behaviour.
Its not something you want (or is it?) but you have to realise what effect you are having on people. The same applies to the labels you give yourself and obviously in my case ‘slut’ is definitely not the right terminology in polite conversation. I have now found that by referring to yourself in a particular manner and dressing in a specific way you can imply that you are going to do certain things that you definitely are not, read what you like into that! I also find that the internal narcissist that loves attention can also send out the wrong signals!
Finding the right terminology that tells people what I like without giving the wrong impression is becoming very hard. It has led to many heated debates in our household I can tell you! The word ‘sexy’ for example can be a safe, and to me a very neutral, word in certain situations and but also be highly provocative in others. I thought I had it spot on with ‘slut’ but the dictionary definition was  an ‘immoral or dissolute woman’. Tart equally does not work as its a ‘promiscuous woman’. Each in their turn implied prostitute and that was not the intended. It also got the hackles raised with the girlfriend and implied that I was going out on the pull!!

Yes Of Course Its My Style Just Not Me:(

Yes Of Course Its My Style
Just Not Me:(

So what do we use ‘sensual’, ‘seductive’, ‘hot’, ‘flirtatious’, ‘provocative’, ‘suggestive’? Each in their own manner can seem both tame and excessive. Therefore we drop back on ‘sexy’ as its fairly vanilla and does not harm anyone. Its a bit like the word ‘nice’ its OK but more importantly not too emotive nor very descriptive. Its a shame that I cant find a better word. Help Please! So for a sense of peace and harmony and not to offend too many others reading this blog the terminology will change to a more neutral and less offensive idiom.
So it’s out with the ‘slut’ terminology in these blogs from now onwards and in with better rhetoric that does not annoy the reader and more importantly the girlfriend and imply that I am someone out to play the field. Hopefully readers will learn from this lesson and be wary of their language and the associated dress code! xxx

Watching a BBC programme on Bohemians Stephen Fry remarked that being Bohemian would not have been so ‘releasing’ if it had not been naughty doing things that ‘normal’ people would not do. This set me thinking about how many of us approach Transvestism, particularly in the early stages. I am sure that one thing that attracted me to being a Transvestite was part and part of the illicit nature of what I was doing. The whole buzz of doing something that society frowns on was in some ways a partial turn on , but the actual act of dressing was much more of a turn on. I am getting older and wonder how this affects today’s newer Trannies.1930s-dress-design

I was also contacted by a journalist inquiring after an article on Transvestism and Crossdressing for the Mail on Sunday. He said that although a lot of people know a little about it in reality it is highly misunderstood for the amount of people that participate. For him it was probably the most secretive hobby/pastime he had met in many years. It appears we are slowly being undone. Oh God help us if we become vanilla!

Recent articles on us abound and we are starting to see the whole Transsexual/Transvestite world is slowly but surely becoming more mainstream, more for the Transsexual community because they have a simple explanation, less so for the common or garden heterosexual Transvestite! With this acceptance the frisson of excitement can be reduced as as result of people now saying ‘oh look a transvestite’ as opposed to ‘my God a Tranny what the hell do they see in it’.  Being in the ‘know’ was part of the fun of dressing and going out to non mainstream clubs. Now with acceptance it’s a case of allowing us to go anywhere even going into any changing room we want at Primark! It’s time for a change of thought on looking at dressing.
For me there is still a level of excitement as a Tranny but the old erotic excitement has been replaced with an inner emotion that is both stimulating but also incredibly relaxing. I am being who I would link to be. I think this comes from the fact that in the past I was only able to dress from time to time. Now that I can dress on a more regular basis as the moment arises so I use it more for a time of recreation.
The problem for the closet tranny who cannot dress as they would like is that the emotions and frustration of holding off tend to get mixed up with a release of a set of emotions and a stronger drive with a strong sexual content. Being able to dress more frequently reduces these feelings
In my early days of discovering dressing used to see mistresses as the main place I could dress away from home. I realise I confused the drive to dress with the sexual fun that would also transpire as part of a session. Yes it did turn me on it still does but in a much more internalised way. This was also compounded by the fact I was not having the satisfying the sexual side of my life at home so a dressing session helped me to satisfy both wants in the short term.
Now I have a gorgeous girlfriend the sexual side is sated and the dressing can be separated. The result is much less a confusing experience when I dress now I thrive on releasing my alter ego of Tara who is very definitely different from the male side which just cannot be so expressive. As I have also said it turns me from a person who is always planning the next step into someone who enjoys the moment and has little worry for future consequences. As a result makes me a complete person!!!
1930s-gloves-claudette-colbert
The other thing I see on the horizon is the TS – TV break. We are lumped into the same bucket as an easy box to fill as we both wear female attire. A TS wears the trousers a TV is the one in the short skirt! However this is becoming unhelpful to both groups as we are tagged with the same label. A good example was when I was recently with a TS and we were approached by a man in a Gay bar…because that is where we tend to be more accepted. He said are you gay to us both. She said I am a woman and I like men so I am not gay I said no sorry. That really confused the hell out of him. This confusion is only going to get worse as all the realms of Crossdressing Transvestism Drag Queens Transsexuals and the like emerge. For the timebeing we are all stronger together but I do see cracks starting to emerge.
Its Gay Pride day today as I write and I support them wholeheartedly as a much misunderstood group of people who should be able to do what they want as long as it does not try to offend people…just like us Trannys! XXX

This has been a good week for the transgendered community with Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner coming out in Vanity Fair  the BBC publishing a good  set of definitions of Trans people (except they say Transvestite is being replaced with Crossdresser as a name!) and the ex boxing promoter Frank Maloney now called Kellie doing a Channel 5 Documentary on her re-assignment surgery called No Turning Back. But as always the focus is on the Transsexual element not on the Transvestite/Crossdresser route. So to redress the situation whilst I was away on holiday I read the book Men in Bras, Panties and Dresses: The Secret Truths About Transvestites by Dr Vernon Coleman. This is not a page turner more a very realistic approach to what Transvestites are about and shows in stark reality the differences to ourselves and the TS community, but gets very little airing whilst the others are hogging the news. This is principally because most of us are as Dr Coleman finds quite contented with the way we are and not really trapped as so many dysphoric transsexuals are. The natural question is will society ever accept us!0ed113a0-0968-11e5-9bad-270519a395e0_4b917080-0929-11e5-a821-c7eae7a0b3f6_Caitlyn-Jenner-VF2

Whilst we were away Susie and I were in a bar the other night (as we do on a regular basis) discussing the various types of girls she sees at her Chateau Femme dressing service and the similarities to Dr Coleman’s findings. We agreed, that without trying to TV’s into too simple a category,we do broadly divide, no that’s not the word, have a tendency towards a certain reason for being a tranny. We think this falls into one of three persona.

Firstly there is the ‘Femme’  type which is dominated by a particular look that makes them feel very feminine and allows them to emulate a woman’s looks and mannerisms.

Secondly there are those of us who have to have a look that gives them an incredible buzz that makes them feel very ‘Sexy’. They tend to dress as they would like others (girls or trannies) to dress, and spend a hell of a lot of time looking at themselves in the mirror as they see a reflection of an ideal person.tumblr_lmwlxfRv6S1qdosm7o1_500

The final bent are those get an intense ‘Sexual’ rush from dressing. They like to look and feel a kind of sex object that loves the attention of others and can lead to other things! They can use this as a mask for fun and frolics.

 Almost all of us love the femme look in one particular way or another. But for many this is the key driver. Something deep inside oneself that says you want to look attractive and elegant on a womanly basis and this dominates what you see in the mirror. Dressing illicits a transformation that allows an inner self, that in many cases has been hidden for so long to emerge. For many this can be the start of a route to the Trangender world. For others it is just a deep seated need to wear particular styles of female attire that has to be sated.
I on the other hand identify more with the second category. I love the phenomenal rush that dressing gives me. It also gives me an incredible sense of calm. As I have said in previous posts it does makes me feel sexy but in an inner exciting way. Not a barnstorming erection in my knickers, instead it is an inner feeling my male side does not understand! As I have said in the past it is the whole ‘mind fuck’ that gets me going. I wear clothes that I adore seeing others wear which naturally are of course far too adventurous for a person of my advanced years. Susie says that I can get away with it because people see me as a tranny, whereas she could never dress in a similar fashion in public! I do like the adulation that I can get from strangers purely as I am dressing in a particular style that some do like.
The third category is an area that many of us at one point in our dressing life may have indulged. We look at the rush of excitement we get from dressing as an intense experience that translates into wilder sexual side. It makes us more playful, more experimental and the mask of changing our persona allows us to try things we would have probably avoided if we were dressed in drab. It gives you permission to play. For many this continues to be the major drive for dressing and you get good honest sexual kicks from it!
The three are naturally not mutually exclusive but they can come into conflict. There are days when dressing is just something you have to do. You just love the fact that you are dressed. It’s not sexy just calming. Other days you just have to put on that short skirt and heels because…well you just look so hot to yourself. Then there are other days when you want to show it to the world and get some feedback for all the effort you have put in and then…!
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We are not simple beings we are highly complex almost schizophrenic individuals embracing several personalities. Wonderful! I feel sorry for those who have not been able to indulge in this roller coaster of emotions. But then they would probably say I as a person who is not happy within myself. Rubbish I am happier than I have ever been XXX

In my never ending quest to understand Transvestism I found a new ally in a recent article by Jillian Keenan in Slate on BDSM and kink in general. She argued that kink was a sexual orientation and in many cases it overpowers gender. The fact that so many reduce sexual orientation to genitalia is a vast simplification of how we live our lives. In her case sexual orientation revolves around who (not how) and is any sexual identity that is fixed and unshakable that it defies choice, reason, and even, at times, simple evolutionary explanation.Kink An Orientation

In the same way she talks about kink so transvestites can talk about how it is quite an orientating force that it overpowers gender stereotypes. I have always argued that as a Transvestite when dressed I feel neither a man or woman more an inter-sexed person for which there is no real dictionary definition. Sexually men and women (and other TV”s) can have an effect on me, but its the person not their sexual identity. It is something I have played with in the past and realised sex was not the outcome I wanted from these encounters. More of a recognition of Tara. But that is for me. Others want to go all the way with whoever in whatever way they feel is right for them.

Jillian naturally talks that pain is her kink and determines her orientation and overcomes pre-set stereotypes. I would argue that many Trannies are also in some ways addicted to an inner being that for want of a better word we call ‘femme’ that overcomes strong biological and sociological influences. The fact that so many of us try to give up this way of life and then return to it as an inner urge re-establishes itself in our mind must indicate that this is not just some passing fancy but a much deeper part of our persona and sexuality.
Kate also looked at the LBGTQ comparative issues and I found myself siding with her and felt that Transvestites should be more closely aligned to the BDSM world rather that the LBGTQ people.
I feel we do it for the pure enjoyment that it gives us rather than the inner being that is telling us we are not what society and biology says us we should be. They have far deeper issues than us Trannies, but what we both have in common concerns identity issues and how society in general handles or (in the bulk of the population) cannot really handle them. Because they do not understand.
Bliss
I loved the fact that she said she didn’t choose kink it was within her and found her. It was not a choice hobby or phase it was intrinsic to her and was quite fundamental to her sexual identity. It transgressed gender. Is that not what we also feel. Its something innate that just needs a trigger to be pulled and then try putting that genie back in the bottle (OK too may clichés in a sentence!). She said that the explosion of 50 Shades of Grey was great in some ways for the BDSM world as people were allowed to experiment more and led to more acceptability. But in the main it was just fun bedroom play. To the hard core BDSMers it is not like this, it is very much their lifestyle choice and she says her addiction. In similar ways so with Transvestites they can be compared with crossdressers who have a bit of a panty or stocking fetish, but that is very much a weaker form of Transvestism. We on the other hand, after many purges, we finally come to accept it as part of our lifestyle and pursue it with relish, as and how we can.But only after coming to terms with it  not as a perversion or with repulsion or frowned upon.
I am one who loves both sides and enjoy the whole ‘mind fuck’ of transformation. If the event is occurring a couple of days ahead I love the whole planning and preparation before the actual dressing. I genuinely feel my whole persona changing from a grumpy old git to a more relaxed tart! Now I fully appreciate I am at a certain point on the Transvestite continuum and that many would like to dress most of the time. But just as I do not think there is a 24/7 BDSM relationship so I believe that many Trannies like to play between the two sides to a greater or lesser degree. Who is the dominant one I do not know. Particularly if you enjoy being more ‘heterosexual manly’ in male mode then I think the ‘change’ is even more exciting.
Finally I loved her closing remark saying that in order to qualify as a sexual orientation an identity must not only be innate, unshakeable and unchosen but also, stigmatised. I often wonder that if it was ‘normal’ for anyone to wear a short skirt, high heels and stockings would the whole dressing-up give us such an unique buzz!
The only area we disagree with Jillian is that she says her sexual orientation is her illness not her hobby. I love Transvestism as a wonderful, all encompassing, heady pastime in which I indulge as the need takes me, not an illness that has to be cured. XXX
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Oh God Time To Purge My Wardrobe Again!

This blog is, as always, really for the ‘novice’ transvestite who has not yet come to accept who they are. It is intended to save you a lot of money and concerns ‘purging’. I also make my standard disclaimer that this blog is primarily aimed at transvestites, particularly male to female who enjoy wearing clothes of the opposite sex, it is not really for TS’s as they are women trapped in a man’s body which dressing alone will not solve.

Purging is the bain of many of us and the cost of it will directly harm your finances! For anyone not knowing what purging is, put simply it is the disposal of your ‘girly’ things (normally your entire wardrobe and associated artefacts) due principally to you feeling guilty or embarrassed about who you are and/or what you are doing. It tends to happen when you start to question why you crossdress and whether you should stop as it may be starting to dominate too much of your life and you are not being manly enough! By taking the clothes away you think you will take away the urge to dress, as you do not have anything to wear. This in turn you believe will not conjure up those inner feelings that dressing gives you. You take away temptation and hence you cannot indulge. For a small few this does work. But as over 90% of trannies will tell you it never really removes the urge and you end up disposing of one wardrobe only to replace it with another.
There are numerous things that can trigger a purge but it is primarily it is in your mind:
  • You are very scared that your activity will be discovered and you will be exposed for the ‘pervert’ you are.
  • Transvestism/Crossdressing is determined as wrong by society and you should be ashamed of what you are doing so stop it!
  • You are incensed that this habit of wanting to dress in women’s clothes is taking up too much time and money and should stop immediately.
  • Its not really a manly pursuit dressing in women’s clothes and laughable from your mates perspective.
  • You are frightened that your secret stash of girly clothes will be discovered and you will be exposed for the shameful person you are…slut!
  • You have just had a brilliant time dressing and think that now is a good time to stop because, it’s not really an acceptable, and that you should go out on a high.
  • Your clothes have been discovered and you have agreed with your partner to dump them.
  • Dressing has now become an unnecessary diversion from other far more important things in life.
I personally have purged on 4 different occasions. 3 were due to the embarrassment/guilt factor and once was due to the discovery of Tara by my then wife. As you can imagine it means I have replaced my wardrobe on 4 occasions probably at a cost of over £1,000 per time! OK it was a cheap wardrobe!
So let’s just look at this whole area of shame logically and rationally. Firstly Society. There is natural bias amongst certain parts of society about many things for example BDSM was totally frowned on now Fifty Shades of Grey shows that consensual play is OK. The Xenophobic bias that is very obvious in British culture fomented by the likes of UKIP. The unfounded dislike of gays and lesbians over the years. Its a fact that some people have bias in their life, but the reality is that the majority of people are far more liberal in their views and say live and let live. By dressing you fall into a small sub-category of life that will cause people to stare purely because you are different. But from my experience most actually quite like to talk to you once they overcome the initial ‘shock’ that you are different because you are different. The second area is your own mindset. I liken it to cars. You buy one you were fairly unaware of and suddenly you see hundreds because your brain is alert to this type of car. In dressing it heightens all the fears above and it starts to dominate your thoughts so you are intensifying the feeling of embarrassment and guilt. As a result you look to a solution and purging is the answer. Bad premise.
clothes recycling

Yes Dumping It Make All The Feelings Go Away!

As I say almost all girls come back to dressing after purging. It is very difficult though to stop, Angela Gardener in the TG Forum has a similar article trying to help people as well as experiences from the Transgendered Forum relating to the cost and virtually nil benefits of throwing out your clothes.  You have to try to come to terms with the fact this is inherent within you. If you feel guilt try to come to terms with the fact that you are among thousands of others with a similar drive. Yes you are not a ‘vanilla’ person but then again who is! You are just like Manchester United supporters, something you do not understand but let them get on with it! Stop moralising it and manage it. Yes in a few circumstances it is wrong, it offends others, I have written about it in previous blogs on how we should handle some of these situations such as whether to tell your partner or not or going to the women’s guild annual meetings!
My partner Susie who runs a dressing service called Château Femme though does worry that if not managed correctly it can become all-consuming and dominate your waking hours. She sees novices who start by dressing once a month to moving to a need to dress almost all the time as its so innate to them. They do not feel like women but do love to move to the ‘femme side’ on a very regular basis. Believe you me I do and love the whole change of mindset as has been discussed in previous blogs. Some of course naturally realise that the dressing is a path to becoming a TS and that the woman has been suppressed within them for so long and it is the catalyst for a new path.
For the most of us the purging does stop when you can finally rationalise your dressing as a fun activity that is not really harming anyone, apart from you (and your family) because it is hidden. You can also start at this point to come to terms with it and realsie the guilt and embarrassment you felt is in reality of your own making. You are making it into a bigger thing than the ones around you do. Except possibly your immediate family which is something you may have to address at some point. But this is a case of timing and preparation. A good article for this regarding coming out to your wife/partner was written in the Chicago Now blog. I also have previous blogs on how we should handle this situation.
Life is all about balance it shifts all the time but denial on one side can lead to frustration on the other. Frustration can lead to stress which in turn makes you irritable and angry. Play between the two parts of your life responsibly and save money! XXX
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