Category: Transgender


OK being a Transvestite is not exactly the norm in society but why do so many of us have a guilt complex about being one? I have always maintained that the principle reason for this is that society inculcates and indoctrinates us with certain so called rules or standards from a very early age that we all feel  guilty when we break them. Take for example Religion. At school we had to take Religious Education and in some cases were forced to attend Church/Mosque/Shrine to instil certain beliefs. If we come to decide that these beliefs are false we still feel guilty when we say we do not believe in parts of the teaching that appear wrong. So when we dress and get a certain amount of pleasure out of it we are driven by a sense of guilt that what we are doing is wrong.img_3910

This is based on a fallacious proposition. Who are we offending? What is so wrong with a man to put on a dress after all women wear trousers? High heels were a huge male fashion item in the seventeenth century why are they so stereotyped now? Why can’t a person alter their shape to a more appealing form? Men as as a generalisation have better legs than women why can’t they show them off in a short skirt and nylons I think This is because in today’s society image conscious the man is meant to look, well ‘masculine’and the woman is meant to be ‘pretty’! There are no written rules but a he’ll of a lot of prejudice. If the man should waver into being pretty then it starts to bugger up all the roles and status in society and well it’s just not manly, and woe betide the man that looks prettier than a woman…bitch …bitch! So the reality is its us the Trannies, or is that Trannys, who have to change our mindset and say ‘Sod It Society’ I am an independent free thinker who does not want to offend but finds certain things others may see as so called offensive a totally baseless proposition and, even as a man, I am going to get on with it! Damn your preconceived perceptions of what a Tranny is and does. Denying this to yourself can be bad for your health with frustration, stress and the constant thinking as to when you can next dress distracting you from so many more important things such as your family’s health and lifestyle. It’s a strong force within but no where near the top of things such as a roof over your head and a meal on the table. But it’s still a strong aesthetic drive.

tumblr_lzoe3r6e6X1qj1ijqo1_400The thing for us Transvestites is that we do not have a specific term of reference in the same way as a Transsexual has. In most cases the TS has known they wanted to be a girl from an early age. Transsexuals identify with gender, many say Transvestites identify with sexuality. But I think it’s too simplistic. Put tenTrannies in a room and you will get ten different reasons why they dress. Try explaining why you like to dress to someone and it is quite difficult to communicate the fact that it just feels so right to your inner being. I am amazed when Transvestites congregate around the table there is a very clear understanding between them what they are feeling on the in..side and even though many Genetic Girls might be present they have great difficulty comprehending what is going on inside that crazy mixed up mind. They have empathy but not understanding. This is one of the reasons why wives cannot comprehend why their husband wants to dress, it’s those inner feelings which cannot be explained in words alone. I also think there are other reasons for partners rejecting the Tranny such as mix up of role models in the family and social perspective problems but I have talked about these in other posts, so will not dwell.

What I think motivates this need to dress is that there is probably a male and female aspect to our personality and we identify with both parts to a certain degree in our make-up. I think a Transsexual whilst accepting there may be a small male part to her identifies much more clearly with the feminine side and that is her strongest drive. With the Transvestite the masculine aspect is a much stronger persona but the feminine side is something that has to be indulged from time to time to maintain balance of the whole.The regularity of this of course varies from person top person.

I like both sides but my male side is the more dominant driver through my choice not society’s. Tara is about creating an illusion, a fantasy an element of fun escapism.This is not my own hair, face, boobs, shape, in fact its almost an artform (Oh God Grayson Perry comes to mind here!), But it is a definite fantasy and the male side is the more boring reality. I have always said I adore the change of mindset that comes from boy to femme and that has always been the thing that floats my boat allowing true escapism.  A good friend of mine has found the feminine side has given her immense calm and focus in her life and spends most of her time enfemme! Even contemplating the chop! However she still has to dress as the male from time-to-time for society as her family (and girlfriends) are not as accepting of the female. It’s such a shame so many people still frown about such a small thing.

CHELTENHAM, UNITED KINGDOM - OCTOBER 15: Grayson Perry , Turner Prize winning Artist and Potter, poses for a portrait at the Cheltenham Literature Festival on October 15, 2009 in Cheltenham, England. (Photo by David Levenson/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Grayson Perry

I also love the fact that many from my group of Transvestites move down the road from dressing to identifying that they have a more female dominant part to their persona and then start down the Transsexual route. I feel we have helped them discover themselves and sometimes some inner peace. What pisses me off though is how many of them then become like reformed smokers and look with disdain at their old friends who have not ‘become a true woman’ in their minds and subsequently reject the group that allowed them to discover their new route. Ironically they now look at us as social lepers who no longer conform to their new standards. They ironically have moved back to society’s norms. So hypocritical! Bitch Bitch!

Come on Tara stop bitching and get on with life it’s far too short to worry what others are thinking!

(Ironically I found this letter to Society   from a woman which had me drawing two different thought processes one was good for you girl the other was…I so want to do so many of those things you want to stop).Never Done

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Watching a BBC programme on Bohemians Stephen Fry remarked that being Bohemian would not have been so ‘releasing’ if it had not been naughty doing things that ‘normal’ people would not do. This set me thinking about how many of us approach Transvestism, particularly in the early stages. I am sure that one thing that attracted me to being a Transvestite was part and part of the illicit nature of what I was doing. The whole buzz of doing something that society frowns on was in some ways a partial turn on , but the actual act of dressing was much more of a turn on. I am getting older and wonder how this affects today’s newer Trannies.1930s-dress-design

I was also contacted by a journalist inquiring after an article on Transvestism and Crossdressing for the Mail on Sunday. He said that although a lot of people know a little about it in reality it is highly misunderstood for the amount of people that participate. For him it was probably the most secretive hobby/pastime he had met in many years. It appears we are slowly being undone. Oh God help us if we become vanilla!

Recent articles on us abound and we are starting to see the whole Transsexual/Transvestite world is slowly but surely becoming more mainstream, more for the Transsexual community because they have a simple explanation, less so for the common or garden heterosexual Transvestite! With this acceptance the frisson of excitement can be reduced as as result of people now saying ‘oh look a transvestite’ as opposed to ‘my God a Tranny what the hell do they see in it’.  Being in the ‘know’ was part of the fun of dressing and going out to non mainstream clubs. Now with acceptance it’s a case of allowing us to go anywhere even going into any changing room we want at Primark! It’s time for a change of thought on looking at dressing.
For me there is still a level of excitement as a Tranny but the old erotic excitement has been replaced with an inner emotion that is both stimulating but also incredibly relaxing. I am being who I would link to be. I think this comes from the fact that in the past I was only able to dress from time to time. Now that I can dress on a more regular basis as the moment arises so I use it more for a time of recreation.
The problem for the closet tranny who cannot dress as they would like is that the emotions and frustration of holding off tend to get mixed up with a release of a set of emotions and a stronger drive with a strong sexual content. Being able to dress more frequently reduces these feelings
In my early days of discovering dressing used to see mistresses as the main place I could dress away from home. I realise I confused the drive to dress with the sexual fun that would also transpire as part of a session. Yes it did turn me on it still does but in a much more internalised way. This was also compounded by the fact I was not having the satisfying the sexual side of my life at home so a dressing session helped me to satisfy both wants in the short term.
Now I have a gorgeous girlfriend the sexual side is sated and the dressing can be separated. The result is much less a confusing experience when I dress now I thrive on releasing my alter ego of Tara who is very definitely different from the male side which just cannot be so expressive. As I have also said it turns me from a person who is always planning the next step into someone who enjoys the moment and has little worry for future consequences. As a result makes me a complete person!!!
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The other thing I see on the horizon is the TS – TV break. We are lumped into the same bucket as an easy box to fill as we both wear female attire. A TS wears the trousers a TV is the one in the short skirt! However this is becoming unhelpful to both groups as we are tagged with the same label. A good example was when I was recently with a TS and we were approached by a man in a Gay bar…because that is where we tend to be more accepted. He said are you gay to us both. She said I am a woman and I like men so I am not gay I said no sorry. That really confused the hell out of him. This confusion is only going to get worse as all the realms of Crossdressing Transvestism Drag Queens Transsexuals and the like emerge. For the timebeing we are all stronger together but I do see cracks starting to emerge.
Its Gay Pride day today as I write and I support them wholeheartedly as a much misunderstood group of people who should be able to do what they want as long as it does not try to offend people…just like us Trannys! XXX

This has been a good week for the transgendered community with Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner coming out in Vanity Fair  the BBC publishing a good  set of definitions of Trans people (except they say Transvestite is being replaced with Crossdresser as a name!) and the ex boxing promoter Frank Maloney now called Kellie doing a Channel 5 Documentary on her re-assignment surgery called No Turning Back. But as always the focus is on the Transsexual element not on the Transvestite/Crossdresser route. So to redress the situation whilst I was away on holiday I read the book Men in Bras, Panties and Dresses: The Secret Truths About Transvestites by Dr Vernon Coleman. This is not a page turner more a very realistic approach to what Transvestites are about and shows in stark reality the differences to ourselves and the TS community, but gets very little airing whilst the others are hogging the news. This is principally because most of us are as Dr Coleman finds quite contented with the way we are and not really trapped as so many dysphoric transsexuals are. The natural question is will society ever accept us!0ed113a0-0968-11e5-9bad-270519a395e0_4b917080-0929-11e5-a821-c7eae7a0b3f6_Caitlyn-Jenner-VF2

Whilst we were away Susie and I were in a bar the other night (as we do on a regular basis) discussing the various types of girls she sees at her Chateau Femme dressing service and the similarities to Dr Coleman’s findings. We agreed, that without trying to TV’s into too simple a category,we do broadly divide, no that’s not the word, have a tendency towards a certain reason for being a tranny. We think this falls into one of three persona.

Firstly there is the ‘Femme’  type which is dominated by a particular look that makes them feel very feminine and allows them to emulate a woman’s looks and mannerisms.

Secondly there are those of us who have to have a look that gives them an incredible buzz that makes them feel very ‘Sexy’. They tend to dress as they would like others (girls or trannies) to dress, and spend a hell of a lot of time looking at themselves in the mirror as they see a reflection of an ideal person.tumblr_lmwlxfRv6S1qdosm7o1_500

The final bent are those get an intense ‘Sexual’ rush from dressing. They like to look and feel a kind of sex object that loves the attention of others and can lead to other things! They can use this as a mask for fun and frolics.

 Almost all of us love the femme look in one particular way or another. But for many this is the key driver. Something deep inside oneself that says you want to look attractive and elegant on a womanly basis and this dominates what you see in the mirror. Dressing illicits a transformation that allows an inner self, that in many cases has been hidden for so long to emerge. For many this can be the start of a route to the Trangender world. For others it is just a deep seated need to wear particular styles of female attire that has to be sated.
I on the other hand identify more with the second category. I love the phenomenal rush that dressing gives me. It also gives me an incredible sense of calm. As I have said in previous posts it does makes me feel sexy but in an inner exciting way. Not a barnstorming erection in my knickers, instead it is an inner feeling my male side does not understand! As I have said in the past it is the whole ‘mind fuck’ that gets me going. I wear clothes that I adore seeing others wear which naturally are of course far too adventurous for a person of my advanced years. Susie says that I can get away with it because people see me as a tranny, whereas she could never dress in a similar fashion in public! I do like the adulation that I can get from strangers purely as I am dressing in a particular style that some do like.
The third category is an area that many of us at one point in our dressing life may have indulged. We look at the rush of excitement we get from dressing as an intense experience that translates into wilder sexual side. It makes us more playful, more experimental and the mask of changing our persona allows us to try things we would have probably avoided if we were dressed in drab. It gives you permission to play. For many this continues to be the major drive for dressing and you get good honest sexual kicks from it!
The three are naturally not mutually exclusive but they can come into conflict. There are days when dressing is just something you have to do. You just love the fact that you are dressed. It’s not sexy just calming. Other days you just have to put on that short skirt and heels because…well you just look so hot to yourself. Then there are other days when you want to show it to the world and get some feedback for all the effort you have put in and then…!
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We are not simple beings we are highly complex almost schizophrenic individuals embracing several personalities. Wonderful! I feel sorry for those who have not been able to indulge in this roller coaster of emotions. But then they would probably say I as a person who is not happy within myself. Rubbish I am happier than I have ever been XXX

In my never ending quest to understand Transvestism I found a new ally in a recent article by Jillian Keenan in Slate on BDSM and kink in general. She argued that kink was a sexual orientation and in many cases it overpowers gender. The fact that so many reduce sexual orientation to genitalia is a vast simplification of how we live our lives. In her case sexual orientation revolves around who (not how) and is any sexual identity that is fixed and unshakable that it defies choice, reason, and even, at times, simple evolutionary explanation.Kink An Orientation

In the same way she talks about kink so transvestites can talk about how it is quite an orientating force that it overpowers gender stereotypes. I have always argued that as a Transvestite when dressed I feel neither a man or woman more an inter-sexed person for which there is no real dictionary definition. Sexually men and women (and other TV”s) can have an effect on me, but its the person not their sexual identity. It is something I have played with in the past and realised sex was not the outcome I wanted from these encounters. More of a recognition of Tara. But that is for me. Others want to go all the way with whoever in whatever way they feel is right for them.

Jillian naturally talks that pain is her kink and determines her orientation and overcomes pre-set stereotypes. I would argue that many Trannies are also in some ways addicted to an inner being that for want of a better word we call ‘femme’ that overcomes strong biological and sociological influences. The fact that so many of us try to give up this way of life and then return to it as an inner urge re-establishes itself in our mind must indicate that this is not just some passing fancy but a much deeper part of our persona and sexuality.
Kate also looked at the LBGTQ comparative issues and I found myself siding with her and felt that Transvestites should be more closely aligned to the BDSM world rather that the LBGTQ people.
I feel we do it for the pure enjoyment that it gives us rather than the inner being that is telling us we are not what society and biology says us we should be. They have far deeper issues than us Trannies, but what we both have in common concerns identity issues and how society in general handles or (in the bulk of the population) cannot really handle them. Because they do not understand.
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I loved the fact that she said she didn’t choose kink it was within her and found her. It was not a choice hobby or phase it was intrinsic to her and was quite fundamental to her sexual identity. It transgressed gender. Is that not what we also feel. Its something innate that just needs a trigger to be pulled and then try putting that genie back in the bottle (OK too may clichés in a sentence!). She said that the explosion of 50 Shades of Grey was great in some ways for the BDSM world as people were allowed to experiment more and led to more acceptability. But in the main it was just fun bedroom play. To the hard core BDSMers it is not like this, it is very much their lifestyle choice and she says her addiction. In similar ways so with Transvestites they can be compared with crossdressers who have a bit of a panty or stocking fetish, but that is very much a weaker form of Transvestism. We on the other hand, after many purges, we finally come to accept it as part of our lifestyle and pursue it with relish, as and how we can.But only after coming to terms with it  not as a perversion or with repulsion or frowned upon.
I am one who loves both sides and enjoy the whole ‘mind fuck’ of transformation. If the event is occurring a couple of days ahead I love the whole planning and preparation before the actual dressing. I genuinely feel my whole persona changing from a grumpy old git to a more relaxed tart! Now I fully appreciate I am at a certain point on the Transvestite continuum and that many would like to dress most of the time. But just as I do not think there is a 24/7 BDSM relationship so I believe that many Trannies like to play between the two sides to a greater or lesser degree. Who is the dominant one I do not know. Particularly if you enjoy being more ‘heterosexual manly’ in male mode then I think the ‘change’ is even more exciting.
Finally I loved her closing remark saying that in order to qualify as a sexual orientation an identity must not only be innate, unshakeable and unchosen but also, stigmatised. I often wonder that if it was ‘normal’ for anyone to wear a short skirt, high heels and stockings would the whole dressing-up give us such an unique buzz!
The only area we disagree with Jillian is that she says her sexual orientation is her illness not her hobby. I love Transvestism as a wonderful, all encompassing, heady pastime in which I indulge as the need takes me, not an illness that has to be cured. XXX

lipschewWriting this blog has been incredibly cathartic for me. It has allowed me to look at my Tranny side and endeavour to analyse why I am a Tranny and why I indulge it so much. It has allowed me, in part, to evaluate why I enjoy this lifestyle so much and realise there is no perfect answer just some good generalities. As a result I don’t dwell on the worries so much and just have fun. However recently this ‘get on and enjoy it girl’ mentality has thrown up a much bigger issue is that Tara is in essence a selfish and self-centred individual. I have become someone who eschews the real things pursuing a hedonistic pastime indulging in the lesser aesthetic needs. I love the fact that I have a much freer lifestyle it has on the flip side a much more damaging effect on the one I truly love.
After another recent argument with my wonderful, adorable, understanding girlfriend the other night, and they have become more frequent, I realised I had a problem, which after a lot of soul-searching I realised a lot of Trannies must have.
Let me go back. For years I was the typical closet cross dresser. Stealing moments of dressing time, going out rarely, hiding clothing in weird and wonderful places, hiding it from my wife and hiding in general from the world. I was wondering all the time what was my sexuality and what drove me down this path. But as I had no chance of gratifying or satisfying these needs more often I just put it down as a pastime in which I would indulge from time to time. Most of it was lived in my head , and on-line not in reality. Thank God for the internet for keeping me sane!  Then I divorced and met my perfect soul mate who likes, or I thought liked, both sides. I was now given free rein to dress more or less as often as  I wanted and go out as I pleased. I was given the perfect life. Nothing shocked her I could yield to the fun side and she knew all my dark places. I could dress at home, go out to clubs, be my flirty self as much as I liked, always with my partner there or thereabouts. I was focussed on Tara for the first time in my life and I went for it. God how I went for it!!!
But after our argument the other night It dawned on me that the girl was becoming too strong a drive in our relationship. She had become a bit like, a drug an itch that had to be scratched, an open wound! My girlfriend was concerned that as in many relationships she had had or been involved with TV’s that the 10% of the time Tara was around was becoming all-consuming with the fear that it might become 50% or even more. On top of that Tara was not interested in her or what we were doing. I said this was rubbish and that both Tara and The Boy loved her.
But after we went to bed the brain started ticking. I looked at myself objectively. I was lying in bed with my toenails painted, shaven from head to toe, my eyebrows waxed, shaped and tinted, my face had had a good couple of treatments, I was concerned that my fingernails were not growing fast enough and I was looking forward to receiving my next purchase from eBay. Over the next month we were going out about 6 times (in the past I would be lucky to get out 6 times in a year). I would get irritable if I was not allowed the time and space to transform into Tara and blamed her for a lack of understanding of my predicament. I got frustrated if we did not have ‘Tara Time’ on a regular basis and got really hacked off if she did not come out because she was too tired. It was me me me. I had become the beast and not realised it!legs1
Lying in bed the other night, well it’s obvious I do my thinking there, I had an epiphany. What the hell was I doing. Why had I become such a self-centred slut. What was driving me? I realised it was a combination of new-found freedom combined with advancing age, I am in my late fifties. I had been trying to make up for lost time and to enjoy as much as I could before the ravages of age set in…too late!
I understand now that this has been the classic example of someone being offered the forbidden fruit and pursing it whole heatedly to the exclusion of others who they hold most dear. It has to stop, or are least be seriously reigned in, for order to be re-established and for the benefit of the thing I hold most dear in the world, my girlfriend.
I look around at some of the events we attend, the Facebook pages and Twitter feeds, the TVChix forums and the more racy on-line message boards and see many who have given in completely to the ‘dark side’. There are so many that complain of wives and girlfriends not understanding and then find solace in tranny outings. They think I have it perfect but in reality it’s about finding balance. In another scenario I can see me becoming them, totally consumed by the high of their alter ego to the exclusion of all others. There are a lot of lonely trannies out there driven by the femme side who live for the excitement, approval and rush that dressing gives. But like many an addiction when one is over the focus is on the next hit to the exclusion of many others. But that has such a downside in the destruction of your relationship with the person that matters and for me that has to stop NOW!
So I have decide to take a step back for now to redress the balance. Putting the girl away, well most of the time, and getting on with the more important things. Some will say I am denying myself something I love. To that I say the loss of the other side is far, far greater and something I am not going to countenance. I am sure I will be back, look at how many times I purged my wardrobe! But the Tara that returns will not be so driven, not so self-centred. Just one more at ease with the way in which her relationship has developed.
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I will continue my blogs naturally but they will have a more detached viewpoint and look at achieving good boy-girl balances Au Revoir not Adieu xxx Tara

As may of you know my girlfriend Susie runs a dressing service called Chateau Femme and of course we discuss the many aspects of the types of girls she sees. Over the last week I think she has finally started to appreciate the kind of ‘girl’ I am. Its good to talk and I do appreciate how lucky I am to be able to discuss with someone who knows so much about the T-Girl community. Listen this might sound like a plug for her business (and it is) but she is a GG who absolutely adores Trannies and enjoys the time she spends with them.

Anyway there are times when she and I are discussing how female dressing makes us ‘girls’. I say not so, for me its a case of being feminine. I like playing with an aspect of my personality that is softer, more relaxed and to be honest more sexy than when I am in lad mode. It is a temporary escape from the vanilla rigours of the more boring male world. A chance to dress and present myself in a way A Great T-Girlthat to be honest excites myself. I am proud to enjoy being a transvestite. But I do not feel a woman. I get a rush from releasing  my feminine persona, but I do not want to be a woman. Perhaps one day we will say I am indulging in my third sex personality and we can blur the male/female distinctions much more. But I also like returning and enjoying my male side as well.

Susie says this is very different from many of her ‘Girls’ as they feel incredibly female when they dress in particular ways. A few do feel that they are a woman trapped in a mans body but the bulk find an intense expression of their personality when dressed. Some feel at home in long ball gowns some in wedding dresses or some in Chanel Twin-sets. The fact is that each can escape for a short time into their own female world. She says each one of has certain buttons that when pushed release a wave of femininity. She loves to watch the changes come over them as she discovers their individual drivers.

One of the hardest things with new girls is overcoming the shyness and guilt associated with cross-dressing and then finding out what are the right things for you. There are triggers that when you discover them bring out your feminine persona more and more. It is a A Great Trannyheady journey that you want to explore and lets be honest part of our male persona likes to take risks. I met Desmond Morris (the well known human anthropologist) several years ago and he always told me that men in particular will create elements of risk in their life even when it does not exist because it gives them a deep primeval rush. Dressing has certainly done that for me God help me if the clandestine nature of this world was taken away…would I take even more risks!

The bigger question for all in your risk assessment is do I want to get out in the wider world, would I pass, would |I be clocked/recognised. The answer to the last question is no. The real question here is more about attitude and presentation as it is about how you look. The less it looks, walks and acts like a duck the less it will be regarded as one (see my last entry). I have known guys that feel mortally offended because they are more attracted to the look of a tranny than the girl standing next to her! This is more about signals that you give out that a better trained social anthropologist can give you a far greater insight. Its really weird I personally do not fancy blokes but get a real kick out of the fact that the way I am dressed is quite attractive to them..odd! But then we are all a little odd.

Yes we are odd but those of us who have been doing this for a long time have now just accepted this and get on with it. To the newer Tranny there is a road to travel with the associated risks (more in your own mind). And boy…or should that be girl..those risks are quite a turn on in their own right

 

 

As any of you who read this blog regularly know I am a Transvestite. That means to me a person who likes to dress as and take on a particular type of female persona as best as I possibly can. In my case I like a sexy/slutty/tarty look. This distinguishes me from the pantywearer, the crossdresser and transsexual. The greatest buzz I get is melding into  my female mindset. The change however is only complete if I master certain basics, particularly as I would never say I am a passable girl. But then again I never thought or wanted to be. I am a tranny the third gender hence I have not said in the opening title 10 ideas to help you pass. Its more suggestions to help you be more acceptable in today’s society and have more fun.

Given the length of time I have been dressing I thought I would list the top 10 things I think you have to do as a tranny in order to enjoy things and gain some respect. Hopefully others will add to the list or discuss the ideas in follow up posts.

  1. Dump The Fuzz – hairiness might be closer to godliness but for the Tranny it is the worst visible outward look. I know we have all learnt to shave in one particular way but for the closest of shaves  you have to vary your approach. For example I find that a 3 blade razor works better on my face and a 5 blade better on the body, otherwise its nicks and cuts all over the pace! Waxing and other things are also available but the aim should be for smoothness and the first time you put stockings on cool shaven legs…oh boy. See Shave  
  2. Body Shape – Lets get real here none of us are the perfect shape. Men in general have broader shoulders, bigger trunks, smaller breasts, fatter waists,  slimmer bottoms and in general more shapely legs than women (I know the last one from my days working in the hosiery industry when we used men for our stockings adverts!). In order to emulate the female form you need to adopt a shape that moves that beer gut upwards and downwards to create that shapely hourglass. Start with the breasts you can find plenty of sites but for good value I have always liked  the Forever Young Breast Forms which can be found at  Amazon . You should not pay more than £40 realistically unless you want to make a big show of them and then I would recommend you should go to  The Breastform Store or just type in breastforms on Ebay. After breasts comes the waist and a corset is crucial a steel boned one that pulls the waist in and gives shape. It has to be either a waist cincher or underbust and a good place to start is Oh You Pretty Thing who are really tranny friendly as you need a lot of advice at the start. Finally the bottom. Sorry if you are a skinny one but you are lucky and can make amends by buying a some hip pads. You can get these really inexpensively from eBay or Amazon and the pull on ones are great for tucking as well (see later|). If you are a bigger girl then don’t bother!
  3. Wigs – Hair is that brilliant factor that defines the face and hides so many of our defects. I have rarely seen a mature tranny whose own hair looks so female. We recede, thin and bald quicker than women so the wig is the main  addition we have to consider. It just completes the look. If like me you have a big neck and largish ears then long will suit you better than short. You have to look at the shape of your face and a good guide is the How to determine your face shape. Then follow on to look at what hairstyle suits your shape and so on.
  4. Foundation – mastering the art of make-up will take you a lifetime but do experiment once you have learnt the basics and the most basic is mastering the base layer of covering the beard and foundation. Once you have this right in effect you have the canvass onto which you can draw whatever you want. But if 5 o’clock shadow is showing through or the surface colours are uneven or you look whiter that the ghost of Canterville then anything you put on top will not take away the underlying problem. After that you can work on highlighting and contouring then eyes lips etc. oh God it goes on and on! Here is a starting link Foundation but a really good follow up by the same guy is Make Up Secrets .
  5. Cleavage – Of all the things I do as a tranny this is probably the oddest but the one that get the most comments. I love forming tits from my own chest and this video (Nude Bra)was my inspiration rather than the Taping method other suggest  another good video is  Boobs Contouring as is this Contouring Video
  6. Legs – this is a bias of mine…sorry! One of the main reasons I love dressing is to be able to show off my legs in stockings below a shorter skirt. This is what Trannys do, crossdressers feel just as happy in a pair of jeans or trousers like a man wears . Trannys love showing off those pins. But remember you gotta shave and pale or blemished legs have gotta have colour Mac (yes expensive) make a great product called Face and Body Foundation that covers the blemishes and gives the legs a glow. Other companies make products that are spray on tints but I have found these wear off quickly and unevenly, and the mess they leave on sheets yecch! Personally to add to this I rarely recommend that my sisters wear anything less than 10 denier hose unless they have supermodel skin and support hose are so good for shape!
  7. Sitting – the amount of girls I see with their legs wide open or crossed on top  showing the entire wedding tackle to the world because that is how they normally sit is amazing so try this video as a starter but there are plenty more You Tube links
  8. Walk In High Heels – OK I have a heel fetish but generally learning how to walk as a woman and in particular in high heels is crucial. How many Trannys do I see walking down the street with a male gait looking like a gorilla in Stillettos! Shoulders rounded and hunched, arms stiff stuck out at the elbows. moving with straight legs not thrown from the waist. They put all their time into putting on great make up and the  clothes but are so obvious in their longer stride and way of walking. Such a shame. Here are a couple of videos – Walk Like A Woman and Walk In High Heels as a starter
  9. Tucking – unless you are wearing a bell tent there is nothing worse than seeing the unsightly male bulge poking out from the groin area of a shot tight dress. We want at least the allure of femininity and for me this is about learning to tuck away the crown jewels. It takes only a few practices to make it happen See this nice article on Tucking
  10. Confidence – this is an impossible one but the fact is that many Trannys cannot pass and when out will get clocked and its a case of how they deal with it  that is crucial. You have two options (well three if you include RUN!) you either take the shrinking violet approach or adopt the Sean Bean (as Tracie in Tracie’s Story) or  Chiwetel Ejiofor (Lola in Kinky Boots). Both show that they are more readily acceptable if they are more confident in the whole persona they portray. You have decided on this route and a confident approach works wonders on the road to acceptance.

So those are my top tips. I have not yet gone into Voice (which we all get wrong), Eyebrows, False Eyelashes , Contouring, Nails, Ear Piercing, bag and purse etiquette, etc. etc etc. But its a starting point and I would love to hear others opinions XXX

Other videos that might help 10 Things  or Creating Misty Haven and do look at many of the great Male to female vids on You Tube.

A lot of chat has been going on in the Tara household recently. Principally because since Christmas Tara has been ‘out’ as in dressed more than 10 times! Until my change of circumstances, with a wife that did not know, that would have constituted a full year of dressing in private and going out. Along with this is the wonderful opportunity to talk things through with my beautiful tranny loving partner who is just the greatest listener. She gets the unburdening of 30 years plus of the frustrated slut that Tara is. But it has helped both of us.IMG_1631

As Susie also runs a dressing service called Chateau Femme she firstly adores trannies and secondly empathises with them. We are able to share experiences and are quite surprised there are so many similarities. I give her one perspective of what I am like and she shows me there are so many different ones, but there are a few things we all have in common. Frustration at not being able to dress, a desire to let the feminine side out without a guilt feeling and difficulty in finding an understanding partner/friend with which to share this.

Once the latter is solved then the others soon fall into place. Which is where I am now. I still need my space to ‘turn’ my mind to the Tara side and enjoy the whole split personality part of my life on my own. But now I do not feel the guilt I used to when dressing, either should anyone come home or would I be discovered or  so many other what ifs. I have to say though, to be honest, its was a part of my male ‘risk taking’ mentality that I also loved the whole taboo element of this dressing lark. It was part of the thrill of Tara’s life that I was indulging in nefarious deeds that were decidedly taboo to the mainstream of society! Instead they are now replaced with dressed fun and games with my partner. We are still pushing away at the limits and I am getting out and about (see the BNO blog) more and more. A growing number of friends have been introduced to Tara, but they are in the scene and therefore embrace her. Telling ‘nillas’ is another matter.

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The debate as to whether or not to tell your partner about your femme side remains. If you are starting out fresh then tell them as soon as possible. We have a good t-girl  friend who whenever he starts dating tells the new woman in his life about his femme side within a week. The amazing thing is that he has never had a rejection. Brilliant! I on the other hand hid it for the whole of my married life (20 years) and when my wife found out it was not the Tara aspect she found hard to comprehend it was the lying and deceit that had gone on for so long and the resultant death of trust between us. Susie knew me as a Tranny and loves trannies so there is no problem..I think.

My overall concern is that you as a tranny unburdening your feelings onto a most likely unsuspecting partner after years of hiding may make you sleep better at night but what about their feelings. In all likelihood you are going to turn their world upside down and they will not know where to turn. If you are going to do it then have a plan as to how they can be supported, where they can read and the resources at their disposal. I always love suggesting the book Something To Confess By Karen Adler is a good start if you want to let her down gently. Most likely this will cause a rocky part in your relationship, some come through others do not. Only you can decide how important this is to you, but if its just a crafty fag behind the bike shed then let it lie.

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I posted a link to the Wikipedia definitions of Transvestism, but there are so many interpretations that I thought I would give you my own thoughts. The transgender community mainly run by transsexuals would have my bollocks for a necklace for treating it in this way, but it is my interpretation. As I see it in its most basic there are 4 key types:

  1. Panty Wearers – these are the ones who get a kick out of wearing certain aspects of women’s clothing. For example when I was young it was stockings that got me turned on. In fact my first orgasm was whilst I was wearing a pair of women’s tights! Others I know get such a high from high heels, frilly knickers and some breast forms. They focus on these items for sexual gratification.
  2. Cross Dressers – after the initial foray into a particular type of clothing there comes a point where we want to dress fully. The complete transformation. My first one came in response to an interview with a mistress to whom I said ‘I want something different’! After 10 minutes she said ‘I think you are a tranny’. She dressed me and I could not believe what I was looking at, that was it. Many cross dressers need to get out and express this in the real world. Regardless they have to dress on a regular basis to feed the inner woman.
  3. Transvestites – this is where I believe the script changes. For me a TV is one where the sexual drive of dressing takes over. The overall site of oneself dressed creates a huge fantasy rush and from there we engage in many forms of sexual activity to satisfy the slut within. What form that takes we may look at later. In my life I have indulged in many activities and been down several blind alleys, but ultimately this has been why I dress.
  4. Transsexuals – there are some genetic males who just feel they were born to the wrong sex, there are some who modify their body because they enjoy having male and female parts, and there are some who do it to work in the sex industry. Suffice to say I consider transsexuals engage in some form of surgery that involves body modification that brings them closer to the look and form of the female sex. I have never wished for this but have seen the intense pain of girls who are so desperate to get rid of their male member that it is awful to watch how the medical profession puts off  the surgery necessary for them to progress in their life.

I see being a tranny as moving along this continuum with various branches such as fetishism, mistressing, male/female sex play, toys and rubber/leather. We decide to continue all the way or we get off at the level that gives us the most satisfaction. Within this whole sector there is a myriad of complex social, sexual and personal elements that make us all individual.

But help, if you want to talk to a TG girl who has come to terms with herself…I haven’t got a clue. I do not understand why I love to dress as a woman but I absolutely adore it! I am on a delicious emotional roller-coaster and and just waiting for the next ride! I score -40 on the COGIATI test making me an Androgyne who plays between the sexes and that is exactly where I am indulging the biggest sexual organ…the brain in that rather crude expression from America ‘A Mind Fuck’. Sorry but its exactly what dressing and playing does to me. Changes my whole persona from male to female but a very playful one! Other people say I ‘suffer’ from Autogynephelia (though I guarantee I only suffer a little bit! Click here 

There is for most a drive inside that is almost like alcoholism. Its an itch that has to be scratched. So many of us have gone through a guilt trip where we ‘purge’ our wardrobes of the female clothes only to return some days/weeks/months/years later until we eventually come to terms with ourselves. I am an amateur I only had 4 purges and it cost me about £5k!!!

Oh and if you don’t have a sense of humor to go with this life then your self image needs re-adjusting! I seek and enjoy new and challenging sensations in all aspects of life. I do not want to go to the grave saying ‘I wish I had done this or that’ I want to know that I have tried and enjoyed so much of what life throws at us. I hate being conditioned by religion, social mores, standardised expectations and political correctness. I intend to enjoy life as long as I do not offend others in the process.

Transvestism – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

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