Category: Relationships


Sorry I have been absent for some time it has purely been about taking a pause for breath. Sometimes the whole Trannying thing can be too much. It can take over and dictate your life far, far too much. Especially if like me you see it as a great hobby a bit of fun and a sexy pastime. But from time to time it can start to dominate your waking and sleeping moments. You are constantly planning your next outing, buying clothes, deciding on places/events to go to, who to go with etc. It’s all part of that buzz of being ‘the girl’. The days leading up to the event are awash with many alternative thoughts as to what you might do, if you might be recognised, if you might get some abuse, will you really look that good. It’s a heady whirl of fun for a few hours when you relax as the other person.
AppleMark

AppleMark

This is great and just like any fun you have to be aware of it turning into an addiction. If you are not going to move down the Trans route then you desperately need to balance things for your life, your partner, your friends and family. Trannies by their nature are selfish beasts because they rarely get to dress. So when they are in girl mode they want to talk about themselves and their alternative identity to the exclusion of all others. This in the main is because we don’t really understand why we are as we are and we want to find out more about ourselves by discussing it on our terms. We do this because we have limited time as ‘the girl’ and enjoy indulging in it for very very selfish reasons. Its innate within us for sure but very hard to describe why. This selfishness however can have a detrimental effect on those around us.
Susie my partner who runs the Chateau Femme dressing service sees this all the time. With so many girls all she has to ask is how are you? 30 minutes later there is a pause for breath for the next question. How are you feeling? Then 30 minutes later and so on you get my drift? The girls love this release and the chance to discuss with someone their innermost thoughts and feelings which are normally hidden in this ‘Man Up’ world. There is no real chat about the weather. politics, the economy just about the girl inside. This is fine in a dressing situation because it is about the girl and Susie intrinsically understands the need for a release of those pent up emotions. She knows that in reality we can only truly talk about our femme side when dressed and in many cases this is all to infrequent and the bottled up emotions come flooding out as soon as the wig goes on (see my previous post)!
However when it comes to social occasions I find all to frequently that many girls continue with this diatribe to the exclusion of all others in the group. They just have to get it out and try to turn all conversations to their inner thoughts about me, me, me. The result is that you watch the group switching off, good conversation does not flow and it ruins the night for others.
Occasionally talking about yourself is fine as long as it’s not a permanent part of the conversation. You have to start considering others. I know in the past I have had a dammit attitude and this has affected my relationships with others. It is also good to take a long hard look at yourself.
I recently had some time off from Tara to reflect on myself and you relationship with Susie. She was concerned the Tara side was becoming too frequent because she likes the boy side as well. I was concerned that I was doing Tara purely to help her and not really doing it for myself. The law of diminishing returns was being invoked and there was friction. We needed some space to have a good look at where things were going!Tranny Mirror
I was quite surprised how quickly I did not miss Tara. I approached things from a fresher perspective knowing this elephant was not in the room and did not have to plan anything around her, so had plenty of time to get on with the other side of my life. All thoughts of Tara went to the back of my mind and I got on with living and loving! We had no discussions or chit chat about Tara for 2 weeks and she was put firmly away for a month. However as the month progressed we started to talk about what it meant to both of us and we found we had so much common ground that had been lost in a couple of issues we had.
I realised that I had got into the wrong mindset (for me) of Tara and was sending out the wrong signals (unintentional) in the way I might dress and how I acted. Susie saw that she also had taken the ‘clues’ in the wrong way  and that she actually liked the girl side around as well. We came not to a compromise but to a middle way that actually has been so beneficial to us both.
I have now purposely limited the amount of times I dress and as a result as I get a bigger hit. Its the old maxim, less is more, though this should not be applied to the length of your dress!!. I go out less often and we always go out together! The result has put control and balance in our lives as both of us have to chose our timings very considerately and carefully. We are much much happier for this. This I might add was our solution it is not a panacea for all.
You might say this is great for couples but what if I am single? In my opinion the same applies as I have seen so many girls who see the whole dressing side dominating their every waking moment and this in itself causes stress and sometimes depression. In some ways it can be a fill-in for boredom, an extra in a life that may not have sex at the moment, some just like looking pretty, others find the whole mindset de-stressing getaway from the issues of day-to-day life.
But the thing is this is not genuine reality. When you take the wig and slap off you still see the bloke in the mirror and that is not going to go away. What you have to do is enjoy the moment on a regular and structured basis and not let it drive you. Accept that is part of you yes, it is not going to go away by some form of magic. If you are not going down the TS route then this is a fun side of you that happens from time to time. Start for example by saying ‘right I will dress only once a week’ and see what the effect is. Plan the day but don’t get over obsessed as this being the highlight of your week, Just get on and enjoy. After a month look back and see if you are enjoying things more or less and then adapt. But put a measure of control on it for your own sanity!
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This applies particularly to those who are coming to dressing for the first time. That heady rush that you get from realising that this is innate to you, you have denied yourself for so long and suddenly you want to make up for lost time, to catch up with the others who have been out long before you. You realise there are so many things to explore and learn to get out to so many places to meet others. But stop it will happen in time but you cannot let it become your exclusive preserve to the exclusion of all those around you. You need balance and have to reign those desires in and manage the competing demands on your time. Stop being selfish and realise that life is about others as well. Here endeth the first lesson!!!
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I have always said being a Transvestite is a great pastime and is just one part of my personality. It allows me a form of expression that has quite a schizophrenic nature to it which I relish. The boy is very different from the girl and I try to maintain distance between them. I have always loved the flip from boy to girl. But I have always thought that I am quite happily in control of both sides even though I of course let the girl run a little wild from time to time. At least this was what I said to a group of co-conspirators the other night. A good friend, Danni Stone, begged to differ and likened it much more to a struggle against a strong impulse or urge that desperately needed to be satisfied and in reality I was not in control. The fact that this has been a constant in my persona for so long even though I knew society frowned upon it in general but I still pursued it with all the issues it gave me. I was giving into something that I was not supposed to be doing. But the urge was so strong I gave in to temptation!

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What Turns You On?

Because this transition is not a permanent one it has several downsides. For example Danni and I both agreed that one of the worst failings we had was that we tended to buy a new outfit and wear it only once or twice before the thrill of the newness of the outfit might wear off a bit. We had tried one look and would go in search of a new one purely because we did not get enough time to dress as much as we would sometimes like. We would like to buy a new outfit for the pure exhiliaration of a new look. This to many can also apply to the venues you go out to the types of people you meet. Many of the girls I hang out with love the shock value of what their arrival somewhere can achieve in a new bar or club. They constantly need to look for a new ‘hit’. One girl I know started her outside life in an normal hotel bar and within 6 months was trying working men’s clubs for a new fix! I know another buys a Chanel suit every 3 months and wears it twice! Is this who we are or is it becoming obsessive? We know its not our whole life but it is a lifestyle we adore.
In fact I would maintain most of us need a new hit be it in the form of an outfit, games at home, nights out or cyber fun! Its part of the nature of what dressing does to us inside and I am sure if this sexy and extrovert drive subsides then probably the drive to dress might also wane.  Bad news though many of my good friends are in their 70’s and 80’s and it has not subsided! And yes of course for some actual sex itself and its causal nature is also a very strong drive. So many girls love the fact that people come up to talk to them, compliment and proposition them when dressed rather than they are left in the corner when they are in ‘boy mode’. So are we in control?
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But Which Side Will Win?

Well I suppose the answer is start to take stock? Is this constantly at the front of your mind dominating your day-to-day thoughts? Are you getting frustrated if you are not getting dressed? Are you continuously planning your next night out? Is the spending on ebay starting to mount? Is your girl wardrobe well ahead of the boy’s? Do you find yourself looking through too many fashion periodicals or hours on the internet adding to your Facebook and Pinterest  sites? Are you writing too many blogs about being a Tranny to justify it? If you answer affirmatively to any of these then probably Danni was right and we have to get a grip on things. Have a conversation with yourself and look at the real priorities in our life Establish some rules and boundaries. Also look at what you really want to get out of being dressed and make sure that these come into line.  Then when you agree the time is right for God’s sake girl go for it!! XXX

One of my biggest worries about many of the Trannies I meet is that the drive to dress is such a dominant factor in their lives that it becomes an all too consuming passion. It almost like a drug. We start down a fun narrow path and then suddenly we realise we are hooked. We start to think, when are we next going out, when can we next go shopping, what about that dress on eBay, what will I wear, what about that You Tube video on make-up, what is happening on social media, who am I going to meet etc. tumblr_lfjcc6SuDQ1qaycf7o1_500
As I have always said I am sure our mindset changes when we dress. A new personality emerges and we love that person and so look forward to being the girl as soon as time allows, and we have to dress for our own sanity. It can become such a driving, motivating force in our lives that it can consume all objectivity. We start to look at women not as people we are attracted to but as clothes horses. How are they wearing their dresses how are they carrying themselves how do they talk to people. We enjoy enrolling in the new personality of ‘the girl’ which gives us great escapism. We enjoy the ‘naughtiness’ the ‘sexiness’ and the ‘change’. This approach can bugger up any chances of having a meaningful relationship with a woman..if you want one like I do!
Our wardrobes become full of looks we would love to try but, because we don’t get out enough we tend to revert to our ‘standard” or default mode when we do. For example I have several pairs of very tight trousers and love the ‘jegging’ look but so rarely try it out because my best feature is my legs but they look sooo good in a short skirt or dress and I do love the sensation of stockings or tights. Result too many unused clothes dominating my life. Too much clutter in your life. Too much money spent on the pursuit of the unachievable.
The question is when does a fun pastime becoming an obsessional and all pervasive lifestyle? My answer is that when the ‘girl’ starts to rule your decisions on your life then its time to take a hard look at what this means to you. If your nights out, your nights in, your holidays, your time on social media and your shopping are all dominated by ‘the girl’ then s doing you have to take a major step back from it and get some balance. Life is all about positive choices and behaviour not just giving into the slightest whim  You have to make a pact with yourself, and, if you are lucky enough to have one your partner, what part of the TV element is with you.
I and my partner agreed that in order to stop this becoming too pervasive in our life we have to have some parameters. In our case this not because Tara was becoming obsessional for me but purely because we were trying to do too much in all aspects of our lives and were so tired and exhausted that our time together was suffering. Others will suffer the same for different reasons.
So we set some basic boundaries I would dress once a week either with her or on my own and I would go out once a month again with her or on my own. The rest would be much more flexible but we agreed that it would be planned together not just Tara getting her own way…watch this space to see how we cope.
There is also an issue of trust here particularly if you are going out on your own. That is the basis of any relationship and something I broke in the past and from that point there was little hope of reconciliation. If you have shared with your partner that your femme side exists then you have to stop being too bloody selfish. Just because its out does not mean you are now given Carte Blanche to let the girl run amok with whoever whatever and whenever she wants. This is particularly important when embracing your femme personality. Too many times do I see men who by putting on the ‘girl’ suddenly can create a new identity that they can hide behind. Suddenly because it’s not really them they can be much more experimental, they can try fantasies they would never indulge as the boy. They think that by putting a wig on they are a different person and when they take it off they can be excused as they are no longer ‘the girl’. It is amazing how we can put things into exclusive boxes. Wrong, if you think like this you are deluding yourself.
tumblr_ljupucNFkB1qafi01o1_500This is clearly your decision. Mine is simple If I go out and do something that I would never do in my male life then I am breaking a bond between myself and my partner. In the past I thought I could do this as I said it was not me just ‘the girl’ having fun and I would be back in the morning…doh!
The question though is how far can this be pushed as Tara is a much more interesting and fun loving person than the male (yawn). She feels sexier she feels more alive more willing to take on new challenges and has a much more devil may care attitude. She loves the fact that the dynamics of the environment she is ‘operating; have changed. No longer as the male is she expected to decide what to do, how to get there and have to make the first approaches in conversation. She loves to be noticed for what she is wearing and now gives compliments freely to others, particularly to women because she knows how long it took them to get ready. Her conversation is broader and can cover subjects the man could not possibly cover in his rather limited highly constrained testosterone world. Because she is neither man nor woman she can set her own agenda. Through this she can find a different type of satisfaction than that as just the ‘man’ .
Its that old Ying and Yang concept . The old ‘to every action there is an equal and opposite reaction’ or ‘we need the opposite to be a complete the self’. In my case I see its Karma or balance. Too long straight-jacketed into the macho male side when there is a feminine part that needs to get out. The one thing however is that it does not create that bollocks of calm inner peace. Nope its a constant fight between what society in general expects us to be and the raving libidinist within. If you think I am going to spend all that time getting ready to sit like a shrinking violet in the corner forget it! There is a different animal emerging there!
One aspect of this however is nothing compares to the adrenalin rush of your first time out. Your senses on red alert everything being micro analysed and its a very big rush. If it was just about dressing then we would be happy to stay at home. Its like athletes who become hooked to the adrenalin hit they get from extreme exercise. Even to this day the rush you get from walking down the street in high heels knowing you are being clocked all the way is a weird hair shirt to wear. We were out with a good TV friend the other night and she told us how she adored her first time out and just adored being noticed so much so she started to be become more and more experimental in where she went eventually going into the roughest of working mens clubs to get a drink just for effect! Ironically it was in these establishments she got more respect and less abuse than in many of the Gay and Trans venues she normally frequented. She put it down the fact that she did not affront the men in those clubs as much as she queered the pitch for what the gay and TS people did.890aee849fccf989692716e407130083
My partner Susie who runs her Chateau Femme dressing service finds so many frustrated girls arriving for an appointment in their fifties to dress in front of someone for the first time. There are a number of reasons why they come to it so late. Life circumstances have changed, the acceptance it is a part of them, the drop in testosterone levels now saying they wnat to open up their female side all contrubute to this decision to come to a dressing service. I would say in 90% ofcases they do find real contentment by embracing their femme side but also regret they did not do it earlier. Then of course many want to go out and the whole dynamics of their life changes and the ‘drug’ sets in and like a drug can lead to further experimenting as you look for a new high. Suddenly things become all pervasive and they have found a new meaning. In quite a large number of cases this leads to Transsexualism and they realise they are a girl trapped in a man’s body. For many its a rite of passage to try new experiences. But can some people become addicted this? I maintain the answer is yes, particularly if they have addictive personalities. But to the vast malority of us it is about achieving a balance and minor experiments do not lead to a long term addiction just make sure you get the balance in your whole life not just the girl.
OK I know that Society’s understanding, interest and acceptance of Transvestism is growing. I love the fact that a TS is now known as a ‘Trans’ person we can reclaim the ‘Tranny’ nomenclature for the TV world. The world can discriminate more easily between TS and TV as the media puts this agenda to the fore. But understanding and acceptance does not necessarily bring about a relationship that many heterosexual transvestites desire. They need first to be understood and for many women that is a quantum leap too far.670px-Respect-a-Transgender-Person-Step-10
The problem with being a Transvestite is that it brings a third person/persona into your relationships. Most women find this incredibly hard to deal with at anytime. Its far too confusing when the hairy man they go out with/live with suddenly wants to adopt a femme side at least for some of the time. This is a particular problem if you have hidden this for a long time from them. Even if they have had their suspicions that something is going on telling them you are a transvestite is going to be very, very hard to adjust to. I have had so many stories where the girlfriend/wife says I want my boyfriend back. The thing is it is not your mental state that has changed but it is hers. How can a red-blooded heterosexual male suddenly enjoy high heels and short skirts! The first question you are asked is ‘are you gay’ you say no and then its a bloody minefield on which you start playing hopscotch. If you do ever find the answer to how to deal with this in some sane manner. You know where I am!
We would all agree however, from bitter experience and hindsight, that it is important to broach the subject of your other self at a fairly early stage in the relationship. Most girls are interested even intrigued by it in the initially but after the meeting of her and your femme self the game will have changed dramatically! The physical manifestation of your other side cannot be shown in pictures and writings. Once Pandora’s box has been opened it cannot be put back the way it was.
I am afraid though that the number of women (GG’s) that will reject you, for the time being, are far, far greater than those that will accept you. Sorry for that hard fact. Yes you may have been out dressed on many occasions and been amazed by how many women wanted to chat to you, ask you interesting questions and of course compliment you. But when it comes down to having a boyfriend who dresses then the barriers really come up as principally we cannot explain what inner ‘weird’ motivation makes us want to dress. Your girlfriend can hopefully read some of my previous posts and at least get a flavour that basically its a very sexy recreational pursuit and that the boy is just put on hold for a few hours. If she can embrace it then it will lead to numerous new horizons for the threesome!
Susie my better half who runs the dressing service Château Femme had a lady over from the States who is looking into Transvestism (as opposed to TS) for a series of US TV programmes. She wanted to show TV’s before and after transformation. This proved hard but we found a couple of people who were willing to show themselves on camera. The social stigma of Transvestism however was too much of a barrier for most. Even in my case the stigma is irrelevant but I do not want to link the male and femme sides I like them to be separated. Where however, we drew a complete blank was when she asked to meet and film the partners of Transvestites. We could not think of a single GG partner far less find one to go on camera. It was a very depressing thought that for all the thousands she has dressed over the years few partners will admit their boyfriend/husband is a TV!IMG_0757
So of course it sets you thinking as to why this is. We put it down to four probable reasons, I am sure there are more but here are my thoughts
  • The first and obvious reason is that it is just so difficult for the woman to comprehend what the hell is going on. So you like to play rugby but you also like to wear false breasts? You have a 42 inch chest how do you expect to pass against a size zero model? Why do you want to wear clothes a women of your age would never be seen dead in? The problem with us is that the feelings that dressing engenders are so internalized that it is impossible to really explain what is going on. It would take a women with the patience of Job to ask you all the right questions to set both your and her mind in order. Add to that the personality changes that we gain from ‘hiding’ behind the make-up and you have a cocktail that is very difficult to swallow.
  • Secondly there is the closed-minded lady who actually finds it repugnant that a member of the opposite sex dresses in ‘her’ clothes. This argument I always find the hardest because in theory she can wear anything a man does but we cannot do the reverse. You stand no chance with this kind of dogmatic individual who is completely closed to any form of dressing
  • The next trait is probably the most common in that she does not want to be linked by her peers to living with a Transvestite as it will end up in ridicule and mockery. Although highly common I think that many women over think this element as the reality is she will not become a social outcast because you, hopefully, are not throwing it in your neighbours faces every 5 minutes. Let the ‘girl’ have her fun. Many couples find the traditional midpoint where she accepts it is a part of you and she loves you but wants nothing to do with ‘The Girl’. This is I think is where bulk of TV and GG relationships tend to end up, unfortunately, though it does give you an element of freedom. But please do remember there has to be give and take and ‘The Girl’ can be a very selfish bitch when the mood takes her!
  • The fourth reason was mentioned to me at one of our outings just recently in that a women in the relationship likes the role where she is the pretty one and attracts all the nice comments about looks, dress and style. She sees her feminine role as an important discriminator between the two of you. Now suddenly this interloper with better legs than her is trespassing on her ground. This has a 50/50 chance if you can get over the fact that this only happens from time to time and you can share clothes make-up etc.The biggest challenge to you is getting over the earlier hurdles so that your femme self is less of a  ‘fright’ when she appears and becomes much more an accepted norm. In this way your girlfriend will be able to adjust to the new you as she is regularly exposed to that dreadful long blonde wig no right-minded woman would be seen dead in!
Even when you have decided to give it a try to see if you can work things out there is a long and hard path to follow, especially with that detour for those lovely red heels! And believe me even when you have a relationship where you are accepted  things do not go as smoothly as you might think because your girlfriend has to constantly battle between the conflicting aspects of the two of you. Just read some of my historic posts on this subject!tumblr_lyvpmzXoJY1qbreu6o1_500
However the women who do go along with it tend to have a strong confident personality and a clear understanding of themselves and their sexuality. They do not feel threatened by the Tranny there are lots out there worth searching for. They will help you mould yourself into a wonderful mad rounded character (not using shapewear) that you always wanted to be. But remember what they are having to come to terms with as well XXX

Out the other night chatting to a group of other TV’s it was interesting to hear how much of the time they wanted to dress. It did vary from ‘whenever I can’ to ‘just occasionally’ and more importantly ‘as the mood takes me’. We all agreed the latter comment was the most significant. We all said that at times the urge to dress overcomes us and it is a very powerful driver for our lives. If it is not sated it can make us tetchy and irritable. Then again given my advancing age there is a grumpy old git emerging away from Tara! Its not necessarily a drug but it is an all consuming habit that is very hard to shift.Girls Night Out

This drive can be harnessed in numerous ways from wearing a pair of panties to work to a full blown dress-up and night out with the girls. As many of the girls I was out with are already going out dressed this was easy for them. But I was also discussing with TV’s who cannot get out that much and the drive within them is just as strong but dressing much of the time is just not an option. Result…frustration.
One thing that did emerge from my discussions is that for most of the girls the whole transvestism thing is not a permanent one in the same way that being a transsexual drives them. Because being a TS is about gender. The dressing is incidental. For a TV its much more about sexuality. Dressing and the look/style/fashion is vital. We love it but a lot of the time we can leave it. I for example love the whole mindset of moving from male to Tara but this takes time and if I dont get that freedom to change my mindset I always say I feel like a cock in a frock not Tara! However when I do get the time and space to ‘become’ Tara that sense of elation when you put on the dress and wig and look at yourself in the mirror is very hard to beat on an emotional level. But | personally do not want to do it all the time. I prefer this to be my special time, my very selfish hobby. I do go for weeks at a time without dressing the urge does not seem to be so dominant in my thoughts. Its always at the back of my mind but not dominating my actions. Other priorities supplant it or just get in the way. My rational brain can handle these competing interests.
Then something triggers it and the butterfly has to emerge from her cocoon. A picture of a particular type of dress or some gorgeous high heels that I have just got to replicate. A discussion with my partner Susie  from Chateau Femme about what happened in a recent dressing.  A Facebook posting about one of my Tranny friends having a great night out. All these things set the beast, or is that the best, in motion. But once you have gorged on the animal it can very easily be put back into the cupboard and the male re-emerge de-stressed and with a knowing smile on our face.
This is the nub of what I see as the core of being a Transvestite. Someone who indulges on a regular basis in the whole experience of dressing and playing with their femme side but it can also be put away for another day. But woe betide anyone who gets in the way when that side is reawakened. I do however see so many girls that start as a TV but fairly quickly realise they want to live their life as a woman. These to me are really repressed TS’s. In fact that is wrong they are really women (just with some male trappings).
tumblr_lnjhr5jeu01qk88bco1_500As an aside on the ‘tetchy’ front both Susie and I find that I get quite easily irritated when I have just dressed and there are things to be done. She even said I was hateful at times and generally to be avoided for about the the first hour after I dress, whilst I calm down and adjust to reality! I put this down to the enjoyment of the fantasy suddenly being interrupted by being thrown back into reality. By this I mean I am in the fun mindset of Tara who lives for the moment and is enjoying flouncing around searching for the important things like the best lipstick shade and where the nearest long mirror is. The day-to-day reality of the boy is left behind in this escapist world. Then suddenly we have to make food, plan a dinner party or decide how to get to a destination, find parking etc. This is what the boy does this is all about planning, organising, getting things done, solving problems not enjoyiong yourself. Being thrown back into this is intensely frustrating and just as you think you can relax into being Tara you have to ‘do’ things.
As an example the other day we were staying at a hotel and I of course was taking far too long to get ready. So Susie went to the bar. I turned up half an hour later and I was looking forward to a quick sit down in the bar for a drink, as I felt I had been rushed to get ready, before embarking on our fun nights activities. Not a bit of it!
‘Wow I feel great darling lets just have a quick one so I can indulge Tara’
‘we have to be at a restaurant in 30 minutes’
‘well its only 10 minutes walk away as I understand, lets have a drink’
‘no I am not sure where it is can you text them to find out its address’
‘yes and lets have a drink whilst we wait for the reply’
Do I need a coat’
‘No it seems like a nice evening’ anything take your fancy’
‘Have you got the room key’
‘Yes what would you like’
‘Have you got some cash’
‘Yes I fancy wine’
‘Is the car parked OK’
‘Yes and they texted back, place is only 2 streets away so we have some time’
‘But the others have gone on ahead they were ready hours ago’
‘They arrived before us and we had problems with the booking and I have been rushing’
etc etc etc
You just want to live the moment but its now about doing something and the selfish part of you says ‘I don’t get that much opportunity to be Tara can I please have that time I so can relish the moment!’ Yes of course I get irritable its taking it away from Tara time. I dont want to sort out other peoples problems in this frame of mind! OK rant over!
But it is clear that we do adore our femme time and enjoy the whole relaxation of being the girl. But we all to often realise that the dress will be hung up, the waist will return to a boyish shape, the face consigned to the bathroom waste bin and the hair reverts to grey. That horrible coming down time at the end of an evening when the man returns. However the next day you have some great memories and know that at sometime in the future Tara will return when the girl comes calling. XXX
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Of Course Its Not Me!

This is a re-working of an older blog I know, but recently I have genuinely realised how important dressing is to my state of mind and how the life of a Transvestite becomes intertwined with my male persona. More importantly it is an incredible outlet for relaxation.

Some people under stress find solace in alcohol or sex or drugs or many other things. I have realised that dressing isan incredible stress relief for me. I have written about it in the past particularly in relation to its sexual nature but until the other night in a hotel room on my own, with nothing but a suitcase ofclothes to entertain me, I did not realise how much I needed just to physically dress and be Tara. It is an ongoing separation from my sexual set and my Transvestite self. Yes dressing arouses me (see my other blogs) but I was very surprised at how exhilarating and powerful just having unfettered  ‘Tara Time’ was for me.

Now many of you lucky people living on their own might not understand how vital being able to dress in an environment that is without stress and interruption is, because you always had it. I well remember being at home knowing my then wife was out and I had a couple of hours to dress in private before she came home. But during that whole time my senses were on red alert I never really relaxed. Would she come home early? What  would she say if I was discovered? Who else might come to the door? Would she find something I had not packed away? Would I leave a web page open on the computer or my browsing history reveal all? I had to do it and got a rush out of the whole pressure of it all but I now realise that it did not help the stress I was under. Contrast this with the freedom of a whole evening where I could be the selfish one and just do what I wanted. Now that’s a zone I now know I want to be in.
Even in my current relationship with Susie from Château Femme you would think this is a perfect arrangement. Awoman who dresses Trannies for a living! Because she does understand, and adore, Trannies so well. But not so, interruptions to borrow make-up, clothes or jewellery. Interruptions to ask if the dress she is wearing is right. Interruptions to say when will you be ready, where is my phone, have you got the keys, are we taking a taxi or the car, where are we going to parketc. etc. etc. These distractions all stop the whole flow of turning your mindset from male to Tara. This needs time and focus without interruption.

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Trannies Love Short Skirts

Suddenly, you are on your own and all that pressure, all those diversions are lifted. You can take 2 hours or more to put on your make-up. You can faff over minor things nobody but you will notice. To drink a glass of wine as you want. To decide between nude or semi-black stockings. To muse if you would like to play with yourself. To take breaks in dressing just to admire what you have done. Sit down and take stock, To go on You Tube to watch a make up video. To change your look, your wig , your dress style, your shoes, oh yes your shoes!!! To,walk around in total freedom on your own admiring yourself from every angle saying, hmmm great, hmm need to change that, hmm need a new this that or the other! The whole thing just allows Tara to become well Tara or a pale reflection of her ideal.
There is no rush, no pressure. Just a realisation that you have the time to do it. And when ‘she’ emerges there is that incredible sexy rush that says ‘I AM THERE’. Suddenly you are filled with elation that you have arrived at a level of consciousness that is soooooo satisfying. You prance around and just enjoy the moment.
OK there is one thing missing the appreciation of the public. All that effort and nobody saying ‘wow you look terrific!’ But that’s just a self-indulgent thing that is not as real as having the freedom without barriers of being who you are. It’s just you playing with the whole mindset you are now in.

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Smokey Purple Eyes Anyone?

The result of this is an intense feeling of genuine deep relaxation that for a few hours you have turned off the world and just thoroughly, thoroughly enjoyed indulging in your alter-ego without any strings any expectations and any interruptions. Nobody is judging, you nobody is telling you who to be. Absolutely brilliant and ironically so rare! These are the moments when you genuinely come to terms with who you are and thoroughly enjoy the escape from day-to-day vanilla life.
The issue for many Trannies however is to establish how strong a drive this is. I love both my male and Tranny sides on about and 80/20 ratio. Last month I had a week where I dressed 4 times and I noticed how by the fourth time the desire to dress had waned considerably. I cared less about the effort I put into dressing, I did not enjoy the night as much, nor did I really get into being ‘Tara’. Bit like being on a 4 day bender, the first is the best the rest have diminishing returns. I was more a cock in a frock going through the motions by the end. I was glad on the next night when I was prevented from dressing, again, due to being late. I realised that this was not a lifestyle choice just a great bit of sexy fun. The beast had been sated and I would wait until the sap rose again. But when that time arose and I had genuine freedom to express myself the high was amazing. Tara is not something that someone can turn on…and off at a say so. The mood and the moment have to be right and the build up to it is so much a part of the transformation. I love the planning and the fantasy of what will happen. Just saying go get dressed now just has no magic in it for me.
So moral of this blog is get time away from everything and just be you the way you want to be. Turn off the outside and indulge in your passions the way you enjoy things and remember there is no prescription, We Trannies are similar but also very different, unique even in so many aspects. The effect is an incredible and intense form of relaxation that beats any mindfulness or swami rituals.
Hmmm maybe there is an opening for a Tranny ashram somewhere! XXX
Is This So Wrong

Is This So Wrong

I have always said I love being called a Transvestite, because it clearly dissociates me from a Transsexual and shows me on a different level from a Cross-Dresser. It clearly defines who I think I am. Others however think TV is outmoded terminology and you are only a TS or a CD. I do however disagree as it removes much of the subtlety of the dressing scene. I have also said that the word ‘slut’ best described the style I adopt. This was mainly to do with the fact that I love to wear short tight dresses and high heels and adopt more feminine mannerisms. However on discussions with my partner Susie from Château Femme I have now realised that this is far, far too provocative a word to use, she says her definition of a slut is one who dresses for sex and try’s to give that come on look to all and sundry. Sorry this is not me.

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Sorry Not For Me!

Yes I dress in a provocative way. Yes I like the attention this attracts and yes it is in complete opposition to what people expect see in a person of my advancing age. But I dress primarily for me and the internalised fun this gives me, not really for others. If I dressed the way others would want to see me at my age the picture opposite might be more appropriate. But being the ego-centric, selfish bitch that I am I love the escapism of dressing in my ‘slutty’ manner! If you would like to understand my reasoning for why we Trannies are so selfish please look at some of my older blogs. We are incredibly self-centred (there are genuine reasons) and of course at times this may also cause offence, but genuinely it is not really intended as  its just an alter-ego coming out to play!
But the realisation that this can be provocative has also forced me into the whole issue of rhetoric and terminology. The vernacular for me is very different to the majority and I seem to have got it wrong. It’s an absolute minefield when you are discussing who you are with your GG partner. You really have to be selective and in reality what you see as harmless can conjure up visions you never even considered.  I for example always saw vast differences between Tart, Slut or Whore but for the majority they are just far too close. I have realised that I have to review my Tranny lexicon!
As I say, I like wearing short skirts and heels, totally inappropriate I know but ah well. But this is a very different style to someone to whom the underwear is vitally important (seen or unseen) or to the person who is most at home in a twin-set and pearls or a wedding dress or a secretary or rubber, or etc..The way you look or the way you want to look and the perceptions of others are linked. I am afraid to say girls, if you wear a short skirt and have a great pair of pins, people will draw parallels with certain unsavoury aspects of human behaviour.
Its not something you want (or is it?) but you have to realise what effect you are having on people. The same applies to the labels you give yourself and obviously in my case ‘slut’ is definitely not the right terminology in polite conversation. I have now found that by referring to yourself in a particular manner and dressing in a specific way you can imply that you are going to do certain things that you definitely are not, read what you like into that! I also find that the internal narcissist that loves attention can also send out the wrong signals!
Finding the right terminology that tells people what I like without giving the wrong impression is becoming very hard. It has led to many heated debates in our household I can tell you! The word ‘sexy’ for example can be a safe, and to me a very neutral, word in certain situations and but also be highly provocative in others. I thought I had it spot on with ‘slut’ but the dictionary definition was  an ‘immoral or dissolute woman’. Tart equally does not work as its a ‘promiscuous woman’. Each in their turn implied prostitute and that was not the intended. It also got the hackles raised with the girlfriend and implied that I was going out on the pull!!

Yes Of Course Its My Style Just Not Me:(

Yes Of Course Its My Style
Just Not Me:(

So what do we use ‘sensual’, ‘seductive’, ‘hot’, ‘flirtatious’, ‘provocative’, ‘suggestive’? Each in their own manner can seem both tame and excessive. Therefore we drop back on ‘sexy’ as its fairly vanilla and does not harm anyone. Its a bit like the word ‘nice’ its OK but more importantly not too emotive nor very descriptive. Its a shame that I cant find a better word. Help Please! So for a sense of peace and harmony and not to offend too many others reading this blog the terminology will change to a more neutral and less offensive idiom.
So it’s out with the ‘slut’ terminology in these blogs from now onwards and in with better rhetoric that does not annoy the reader and more importantly the girlfriend and imply that I am someone out to play the field. Hopefully readers will learn from this lesson and be wary of their language and the associated dress code! xxx

This has been a good week for the transgendered community with Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner coming out in Vanity Fair  the BBC publishing a good  set of definitions of Trans people (except they say Transvestite is being replaced with Crossdresser as a name!) and the ex boxing promoter Frank Maloney now called Kellie doing a Channel 5 Documentary on her re-assignment surgery called No Turning Back. But as always the focus is on the Transsexual element not on the Transvestite/Crossdresser route. So to redress the situation whilst I was away on holiday I read the book Men in Bras, Panties and Dresses: The Secret Truths About Transvestites by Dr Vernon Coleman. This is not a page turner more a very realistic approach to what Transvestites are about and shows in stark reality the differences to ourselves and the TS community, but gets very little airing whilst the others are hogging the news. This is principally because most of us are as Dr Coleman finds quite contented with the way we are and not really trapped as so many dysphoric transsexuals are. The natural question is will society ever accept us!0ed113a0-0968-11e5-9bad-270519a395e0_4b917080-0929-11e5-a821-c7eae7a0b3f6_Caitlyn-Jenner-VF2

Whilst we were away Susie and I were in a bar the other night (as we do on a regular basis) discussing the various types of girls she sees at her Chateau Femme dressing service and the similarities to Dr Coleman’s findings. We agreed, that without trying to TV’s into too simple a category,we do broadly divide, no that’s not the word, have a tendency towards a certain reason for being a tranny. We think this falls into one of three persona.

Firstly there is the ‘Femme’  type which is dominated by a particular look that makes them feel very feminine and allows them to emulate a woman’s looks and mannerisms.

Secondly there are those of us who have to have a look that gives them an incredible buzz that makes them feel very ‘Sexy’. They tend to dress as they would like others (girls or trannies) to dress, and spend a hell of a lot of time looking at themselves in the mirror as they see a reflection of an ideal person.tumblr_lmwlxfRv6S1qdosm7o1_500

The final bent are those get an intense ‘Sexual’ rush from dressing. They like to look and feel a kind of sex object that loves the attention of others and can lead to other things! They can use this as a mask for fun and frolics.

 Almost all of us love the femme look in one particular way or another. But for many this is the key driver. Something deep inside oneself that says you want to look attractive and elegant on a womanly basis and this dominates what you see in the mirror. Dressing illicits a transformation that allows an inner self, that in many cases has been hidden for so long to emerge. For many this can be the start of a route to the Trangender world. For others it is just a deep seated need to wear particular styles of female attire that has to be sated.
I on the other hand identify more with the second category. I love the phenomenal rush that dressing gives me. It also gives me an incredible sense of calm. As I have said in previous posts it does makes me feel sexy but in an inner exciting way. Not a barnstorming erection in my knickers, instead it is an inner feeling my male side does not understand! As I have said in the past it is the whole ‘mind fuck’ that gets me going. I wear clothes that I adore seeing others wear which naturally are of course far too adventurous for a person of my advanced years. Susie says that I can get away with it because people see me as a tranny, whereas she could never dress in a similar fashion in public! I do like the adulation that I can get from strangers purely as I am dressing in a particular style that some do like.
The third category is an area that many of us at one point in our dressing life may have indulged. We look at the rush of excitement we get from dressing as an intense experience that translates into wilder sexual side. It makes us more playful, more experimental and the mask of changing our persona allows us to try things we would have probably avoided if we were dressed in drab. It gives you permission to play. For many this continues to be the major drive for dressing and you get good honest sexual kicks from it!
The three are naturally not mutually exclusive but they can come into conflict. There are days when dressing is just something you have to do. You just love the fact that you are dressed. It’s not sexy just calming. Other days you just have to put on that short skirt and heels because…well you just look so hot to yourself. Then there are other days when you want to show it to the world and get some feedback for all the effort you have put in and then…!
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We are not simple beings we are highly complex almost schizophrenic individuals embracing several personalities. Wonderful! I feel sorry for those who have not been able to indulge in this roller coaster of emotions. But then they would probably say I as a person who is not happy within myself. Rubbish I am happier than I have ever been XXX
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Oh God Time To Purge My Wardrobe Again!

This blog is, as always, really for the ‘novice’ transvestite who has not yet come to accept who they are. It is intended to save you a lot of money and concerns ‘purging’. I also make my standard disclaimer that this blog is primarily aimed at transvestites, particularly male to female who enjoy wearing clothes of the opposite sex, it is not really for TS’s as they are women trapped in a man’s body which dressing alone will not solve.

Purging is the bain of many of us and the cost of it will directly harm your finances! For anyone not knowing what purging is, put simply it is the disposal of your ‘girly’ things (normally your entire wardrobe and associated artefacts) due principally to you feeling guilty or embarrassed about who you are and/or what you are doing. It tends to happen when you start to question why you crossdress and whether you should stop as it may be starting to dominate too much of your life and you are not being manly enough! By taking the clothes away you think you will take away the urge to dress, as you do not have anything to wear. This in turn you believe will not conjure up those inner feelings that dressing gives you. You take away temptation and hence you cannot indulge. For a small few this does work. But as over 90% of trannies will tell you it never really removes the urge and you end up disposing of one wardrobe only to replace it with another.
There are numerous things that can trigger a purge but it is primarily it is in your mind:
  • You are very scared that your activity will be discovered and you will be exposed for the ‘pervert’ you are.
  • Transvestism/Crossdressing is determined as wrong by society and you should be ashamed of what you are doing so stop it!
  • You are incensed that this habit of wanting to dress in women’s clothes is taking up too much time and money and should stop immediately.
  • Its not really a manly pursuit dressing in women’s clothes and laughable from your mates perspective.
  • You are frightened that your secret stash of girly clothes will be discovered and you will be exposed for the shameful person you are…slut!
  • You have just had a brilliant time dressing and think that now is a good time to stop because, it’s not really an acceptable, and that you should go out on a high.
  • Your clothes have been discovered and you have agreed with your partner to dump them.
  • Dressing has now become an unnecessary diversion from other far more important things in life.
I personally have purged on 4 different occasions. 3 were due to the embarrassment/guilt factor and once was due to the discovery of Tara by my then wife. As you can imagine it means I have replaced my wardrobe on 4 occasions probably at a cost of over £1,000 per time! OK it was a cheap wardrobe!
So let’s just look at this whole area of shame logically and rationally. Firstly Society. There is natural bias amongst certain parts of society about many things for example BDSM was totally frowned on now Fifty Shades of Grey shows that consensual play is OK. The Xenophobic bias that is very obvious in British culture fomented by the likes of UKIP. The unfounded dislike of gays and lesbians over the years. Its a fact that some people have bias in their life, but the reality is that the majority of people are far more liberal in their views and say live and let live. By dressing you fall into a small sub-category of life that will cause people to stare purely because you are different. But from my experience most actually quite like to talk to you once they overcome the initial ‘shock’ that you are different because you are different. The second area is your own mindset. I liken it to cars. You buy one you were fairly unaware of and suddenly you see hundreds because your brain is alert to this type of car. In dressing it heightens all the fears above and it starts to dominate your thoughts so you are intensifying the feeling of embarrassment and guilt. As a result you look to a solution and purging is the answer. Bad premise.
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Yes Dumping It Make All The Feelings Go Away!

As I say almost all girls come back to dressing after purging. It is very difficult though to stop, Angela Gardener in the TG Forum has a similar article trying to help people as well as experiences from the Transgendered Forum relating to the cost and virtually nil benefits of throwing out your clothes.  You have to try to come to terms with the fact this is inherent within you. If you feel guilt try to come to terms with the fact that you are among thousands of others with a similar drive. Yes you are not a ‘vanilla’ person but then again who is! You are just like Manchester United supporters, something you do not understand but let them get on with it! Stop moralising it and manage it. Yes in a few circumstances it is wrong, it offends others, I have written about it in previous blogs on how we should handle some of these situations such as whether to tell your partner or not or going to the women’s guild annual meetings!
My partner Susie who runs a dressing service called Château Femme though does worry that if not managed correctly it can become all-consuming and dominate your waking hours. She sees novices who start by dressing once a month to moving to a need to dress almost all the time as its so innate to them. They do not feel like women but do love to move to the ‘femme side’ on a very regular basis. Believe you me I do and love the whole change of mindset as has been discussed in previous blogs. Some of course naturally realise that the dressing is a path to becoming a TS and that the woman has been suppressed within them for so long and it is the catalyst for a new path.
For the most of us the purging does stop when you can finally rationalise your dressing as a fun activity that is not really harming anyone, apart from you (and your family) because it is hidden. You can also start at this point to come to terms with it and realsie the guilt and embarrassment you felt is in reality of your own making. You are making it into a bigger thing than the ones around you do. Except possibly your immediate family which is something you may have to address at some point. But this is a case of timing and preparation. A good article for this regarding coming out to your wife/partner was written in the Chicago Now blog. I also have previous blogs on how we should handle this situation.
Life is all about balance it shifts all the time but denial on one side can lead to frustration on the other. Frustration can lead to stress which in turn makes you irritable and angry. Play between the two parts of your life responsibly and save money! XXX
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Am I A Tranny?

Last week there was one of those interminable discussions on Facebook regarding the use of the word Transvestite and Tranny. How some see this as degrading and others are accepting of it. I as many of you who have read my blog am very accepting of it but I do get tired of people going on about whether it is right or wrong. Just be relaxed and understand what the ‘label ‘ means to the majority of people.
The dictionary or accepted definition of Transvestite (which I think comes more from an American rather than British perspective) is : ‘a person, typically a man, who derives pleasure from dressing in clothes appropriate to the opposite sex’. However in many cases in the definition some add ‘a person who derives sexual pleasure’ to the basic definition. The issue that is always the bone of contention is when the comment issue of ‘dressing for sexual thrill’ comes into it and then some add ‘to have sex’ on top of all this Then the plain and honest dressers throw all their toys out of the cupboard and stamp on them! For my own ten penneth I think we have to distinguish between the thrill of dressing and the act of a sexual experience.
I do get a ‘sexy’ thrill from dressing but not a ‘sexual’ one. Susie who runs the Château Femme dressing service likens it to when she was 17 and went out dressed with her girlfriends on her own for the first time. They all felt incredibly beautiful sexy and randy but that doesn’t mean they were on the pull. It was the elation of getting out and about as they wanted to be, not in the controlled fashion dictated by their parents. The whole dressing experience for them was an uplifting one and so it is for Trannies. Hah! have used the forbidden word again! The former is confused with the latter in the vernacular.
I have always said in the past that I feel sexy when dressed en femme. I do not feel sexy dressed as a man but put those girly clothes on and It’s a rush and a half!
Susie, kind as she is, said I look sexy as a man. But I offered her the idea that she should imagine herself with short, thinning, balding hair, no make-up, cotton bra and knickers, in a t-shirt and jeans and flat shoes does she feel sexy…answer no! Then think of herself with long hair beautifully made up plenty of jewellery a short dress stockings and heels with manicured and painted nails and some sexy silk underwear under all that. How does she feel now? Yep,that’s the sexy feel us Transvestite well I get, not sexual!
Yes of course it may make us feel a little horny but that is part of the whole release of the inner you. Without the rush I get in front of the mirror when I first look at myself fully dressed it would be a deflating experience. I would also couple this to another element which is the sheer sigh of relaxation that Tara is back and the associated change of mindset this offers. LOVE IT!bedTV
But this also leads to that inevitable question that we all ask ourselves ‘why am I like this?’ Why do I feel it is such an integral part of my being that I have to dress on a regular basis and, when deprived of it for a period of time, I can become frustrated, edgy and even mildly  depressed? There is nothing genetic about it so what is it that drives us? This is a time-honoured question which many have looked at, but no one yet has a definitive answer (too much of a minority subject). Therefore any amateur psychologist can have a go. So here is my two-minute personal view on the subject.
I believe there are two routes into transvestism (note not Transsexualism, that is completely different). The first is that it is innate in us. Susie says that in her dressing service about 80 percent of her customers say it has always been there and that they have suppressed it for a long time. Others, like me, had an experience of something or other that triggered the interest/desire. in my case it happened around puberty, and this had a fundamental effect on them and that lead them to dressing. In my case it was a fascination with stockings and tights from a very early age, so much so that my first orgasm was whilst wearing tights. I did not know what had happened (sex education did not exist and your parents did not discuss it) and it left a strong impression on me . Wearing stockings led to experimentation with dressing and so on…
But from there we then go on the whole should I dress and the associated guilt trips of dressing. This can involve many cycles and cross many years.  The reality is that at some point we come to terms with it and accept that it is something within us, it offends few so why the hell not get on with it. Unfortunately for many the sheer embarrassment of being found out, particularly when younger, is a bigger driver than indulging in an activity frowned on by a large segment of society.
With most of us it is a roadmap that has many twists and turns. We all try numerous routes and find many dead ends on our path to enlightenment. But isn’t that all part of the fun? The eralier you start the more fun you can have!
To give you an example this is how it worked for me. As I said in my early teens it started with stockings and occasionally trying on my sister’s clothes. When I moved away from home in my late teens the urge receded with my first girlfriends and the introduction to sex. That occupied enough of my time! I tried on a couple of things but it lay dormant until my early thirties when a playful Sub/Dom night with a girlfriend just clicked on something. After we split I went to a mistress for the first time with a ‘like something different’ request. After 20 mins chat she said ‘I think you are a Transvestite’.  She dressed me and that was that. For the subsequent years I bought clothes dressed in secret got a guilt trip and purged on at least 4 occasions. Ouch, all those clothes and money in a dump bin!
IMG_1715Finally by my mid 40’s I accepted it. This was primarily due to the internet.  I realised there are thousands like me that had had the similar experiences to a greater or lesser extent. I realised it was not going to recede and I had to accept it. I started to go out and my wardrobe grew. It was fun. Then my wife found out and we divorced. It was not the dressing it was the fact that I had lied and kept it from her that had such a shock. Now I am able to pursue it as I wish. But that is just one level. One side issue however has been that as a result of all those years of guilt and dishonesty I still have problems opening up to anyone about it. Even a girlfriend that runs a dressing service! You get so used to hiding things it becomes the norm, and to be honest you are only dumping your years of pent up frustration on someone who really is not that empathetic.
On top of this there are numerous other layers one of which is the whole illicit element of the fact it is ‘not done’ in society. I think many of us actually enjoy that we are different from mainstream society and we are doing something a little naughty and that gives us a thrill as well. Then there is also the fantasy element where us more mature Trannies dress in outfits a 30+ years old woman would rarely wear! Its all part of the complex make-up of being a Transvestite. Listen I even get a thrill out of the constricting sensations from elements of shapewear…such a pervert!
This is why we are so difficult to comprehend and nigh on impossible to explain to the public at large. There is no biological reason for being a Transvestite just a deep-seated instinctive thing inside us that needs from time to time to be sated. For me long may we remain in the ‘specialist’ sector such as Trekkies, Goths,  Steampunk, Train-spotters and the like. We must not be confused with the bulk of Transgenderists. They have an in-built female drive that says they are a woman. Yes Transvestism might be a start to help them down the line of their gender dysphoria but it’s not really a solution. They really need to be female not just feminine. Its a bit like so many Transvestites go to Gay bars primarily because they are more accepting of them than the mainstream,  even though the bulk of Trannies say they are not gay!  It is our personal expression and being with like-minded people who enjoy a similar label is part of our fun!
So that’s my skew on this marvellous sexy life of the Transvestite.  Now I will await the hatred and invective bile from the people who hate the label Transvestite and Tranny. I love them, sets me apart! XXX

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