Writing about sexuality and being a TV is an absolute minefield. People hate to be put into boxes and what one thinks is right others deem preposterous. We find it very difficult to understand why we are a TV and even harder to express this to others. However because of this nobody writes much about their sexuality in blogs because it’s far too complex to summarise in a few paragraphs. But many have expressed an information on my point of view. But rather than trying to write an all fits one essay I am purely going to look at it from a Tara perspective and hope it resonates with some, though I guarantee not all.  Again I am purely trying to promote discussions so that others might contribute their viewpoints.IMG_0203

Regardless of what we wear there  are, I believe, a variety of sexual persona within us all. Mine has varied dramatically over the years. Dressed as a man I am a heterosexual who adores having fun with his female partner. When dressed as Tara the lines can become blurred. When I was younger I used Tara as a way to experiment and indulge in a more hedonistic lifestyle, I would  try a variety of things hetro, bi-sexual, sub, dom and fetish. As I get older I tend to find my Tara sexuality to be far more androgynous.This is principally due to my changed relationship circumstances. But I also I find this is mainly because sexually I genuinely love good old-fashioned straight sex and use Tara for the kinkier side. I have always tried to keep Tara and ‘the boy’ very separate as I like to indulge in the two different personalities and love to play between them. However what I have recently found quite bizarre is that  I don’t want to have sex with my girlfriend dressed as Tara. We enjoy lots of fun play using toys role play and just general kink, but my brain seems to reserve the sexual act for a boy on girl liaison. I have not come to terms with this yet but I think it’s again that I like to keep the two apart!

I have always been one of those Trannies who got a genuine sexual rush from dressing. It started when I was around 8 years old and fully expressed itself as I arrived at puberty. This has been a constant driver in adulthood. For some Trannies this disperses over time and the physical act of dressing takes over as the major driver. These girls have to dress to express themselves. For me the buzz of dressing has never waned. This drives the look I portray (slutty/tarty), it also means I am not looking to go to the vanilla Trans events and prefer those with a more seedy/seamier/sexier side. Though theses days I am rarely a participant as I was in the past I still like the reflected umbra of such events.

What I now realise was that Tara was used as a substitute for the sexual fun that was missing from a failing marriage to balance a reasonably strong sex drive. I would get the sexual gratification I was missing in my relationship by going out and playing in any way I saw fit. I had a traditional upbringing no aunts forcing me to dress, no boy making me play with him and no dominant person in my life. But I now realise there was always the slut within. It just needed a catalyst and Tara allowed me to release it .

Dressing as Tara allows me to put on a new ‘face’ and I can indulge in sexy adventures I probably would not have done had I not had this alternative outlet in my life. I like to keep Tara and ‘the boy’ as separate as possible and I love the whole change of mindset that comes over me as I transform myself into Tara. Yes of course I had plenty of fantasies about other Trannies, being chatted up by men and women, playing with other girls and indulging in kinky activities. Sometimes I even participated! But what was more exciting was exercising the largest sexual organ the brain. Fantasies are after all only fantasies if they are not realised.

IMG_0633Yes of course I visited Mistresses I am certainly no saint. They were simple uncomplicated meetings where I paid to have my fantasy realised with little or no chance of getting caught. The problem, apart from my original mistress who got me into serious dressing, is I never really connected. As a result I became a ‘Mistress Tourist’ trying out new people and new experiences searching for that high without ever really gaining any satisfaction. It is only recently having met the love of my life (who adores both Tara and ‘the boy’) that I realise that it is vital for me to deal on a mental as well as physical level. When you find someone  such as this you realise how banal the past has been and at other times it has purely been a quick fix, a swift relief from the stress of not having sex. Finding one who accepts all of you is so uplifting and I thank Susie so much for that. That being said I think I am in a very rare position as I meet a lot of girls who would like to meet a partner of their dreams and be able to be free to express their feminine side whenever they want.

But a lot ‘girls are also in the position I was. You have got all glammed up and love the attentions of another and are extremely flattered. You then have to deal with the little person nagging in your head. ‘ If I go to bed with him/her will this make me gay?’ ‘What kind of person am I turning into?’ ‘This is definitely wrong but I want to try it!’ ‘What is the worst thing that could happen?’ ‘Why am I doing this?’…Afterwards there will be even more questions or the same ones repeating themselves!

How have I rationalised this? Well I think that there are very few absolute heterosexual or gay people. I believe most exist somewhere along this continuum with, in the centre, a group for whom sex has little or no interest. This then means that most of us have certain elements of alternate sexuality that can come out when the circumstances are right. How and what ask a psychologist who will add probably 3 or 4 dimensions to this. Well that how. I see it!

NylonTVMy point and advice is to avoid too many social moires and get on with being who you would like to be. Don’t let the doctrine of your upbringing get in the way (This is a bit like your education told you there was a God and now you have looked at  logic and reality and want to say there is not a God, such pressure to reject your teaching!)  Just create the right environment and then experiment. Be safe and be wise.  But stop worrying about what society thinks and start being a little more introspective. It will amaze you where it takes you xxx

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