In my last blog I looked at whether or not we should tell our partners that we are TV’s and I hope you have taken on those thoughts before reading this narrative. As I said I am definitely no psychologist or therapist this is purely my perspective on this situation. Seek out other counsel as well.

By the way being a TS is so different,  it’s a lifestyle change that you have to tell your partner about. This guide is very much for the heterosexual crossdresser or TV who feels they would burst if they did not tell their partner. If you do decide on this route then you have to think about your story and how to break it. More importantly you have to be aware of the things that will immediately go through their head when they hear the words ‘Honey I have something to tell you’. You have to be clear on a number of issues

  • You have to be ready to show that you are not in a relationship with someone else
  • You are not gay and that you still love your partner but..
  • Know how, roughly when and, if you are lucky, why it started
  • It is not going to be an overt thing just something you indulge in from time to time
  • You are not sexually perverted and that any fun is safe and consensual
  • How you would like things to progress in the future
  • What you would be prepared to do in the short-term whilst they make up their minds

Above all you have to consider the ways in which they might react to what you are about to say. Try to set a quiet time away from interruptions, avoid too much drink as this makes things too emotional and stops the real information going in. Be acutely aware of the effects of what you are saying has on your partner and do not try to rush and blurt it all out in one long diatribe.

You have to realise that you are wiping away a lot of the basis of the bond between the two of you and that you now have to think of it as a new relationship where you have to woo them all over again. OK they have to show some form of acceptance but you have to make things work, if you want to, and have to take it step by step. I have never heard, yet, of anyone where their partner says ‘oh is that all I thought you were having an affair’ and life just carries on. Things are going to change and the final decision between the two of you will not happen immediately.

Introduce her to your photos by varying degrees (she will be curious), give her the addresses of websites you think might help. Do not be too quick to dress immediately and don’t take her to a Tranny do until she asks to go. Build an element of expectation. Have your story prepared but let her set the pace. You have had time to prepare she has not. So many thoughts will be flying through her head.

Remind them of the many good times you have had, your family, friends lifestyle and other things that bind the two of you together. Constantly remind her of your feelings for her, but do say it is impossible for you to give this up and that you want to do in the future. and of course there is the biggest question ‘why are you like this’ or ‘how did you become this person’. Nope I couldn’t answer that one either!

You have to be honest how much you need this. No psychologist or hypnotist will stop this This is you and you have wrestled with it for a long time. You may be prepared to do this in private but you at least want to be honest with them. Concentrate on what they will be feeling. The social stigma, the fall from grace, the hurt, the overall thought that at heart you are gay etc etc etc.

You will, not resolve this in one meeting it will take weeks and it may end in disaster. You should however make this a joint decision. You may feel you are in the weaker position, but if you accept that then you are effectively emasculated by the decision process and the future of your relationship then you also have to take hard decisions. If at the end of it all you do decide to part then you will have to accept all the problems associated with a separation.

By telling them you retain a measure of control but do not force this upon them let it sink in, constantly remind them of the positives, the love, the partnership…it’s never going to be easy!

Don’t make excuses for who you are just tell them that this is a path and a well trodden path. It’s not seedy or sordid but it can be just like any other gender lifestyle. For you it is important and that is why you are telling this partner you love and respect.

In so many cases I hear (from the TV not the partner) that their partner was so relieved as they thought things had become so distant that the partner thought the TV was having a relationship with another woman! But then this was still only the start of a long path. Nobody told you that the life of a TV was going to be easy. But it is a hell of a lot of fun. X

For other references see Karen Adler’s Something To Confess at Amazon

(Come on girls add to the post please and help others)