A lot of chat has been going on in the Tara household recently. Principally because since Christmas Tara has been ‘out’ as in dressed more than 10 times! Until my change of circumstances, with a wife that did not know, that would have constituted a full year of dressing in private and going out. Along with this is the wonderful opportunity to talk things through with my beautiful tranny loving partner who is just the greatest listener. She gets the unburdening of 30 years plus of the frustrated slut that Tara is. But it has helped both of us.IMG_1631

As Susie also runs a dressing service called Chateau Femme she firstly adores trannies and secondly empathises with them. We are able to share experiences and are quite surprised there are so many similarities. I give her one perspective of what I am like and she shows me there are so many different ones, but there are a few things we all have in common. Frustration at not being able to dress, a desire to let the feminine side out without a guilt feeling and difficulty in finding an understanding partner/friend with which to share this.

Once the latter is solved then the others soon fall into place. Which is where I am now. I still need my space to ‘turn’ my mind to the Tara side and enjoy the whole split personality part of my life on my own. But now I do not feel the guilt I used to when dressing, either should anyone come home or would I be discovered or  so many other what ifs. I have to say though, to be honest, its was a part of my male ‘risk taking’ mentality that I also loved the whole taboo element of this dressing lark. It was part of the thrill of Tara’s life that I was indulging in nefarious deeds that were decidedly taboo to the mainstream of society! Instead they are now replaced with dressed fun and games with my partner. We are still pushing away at the limits and I am getting out and about (see the BNO blog) more and more. A growing number of friends have been introduced to Tara, but they are in the scene and therefore embrace her. Telling ‘nillas’ is another matter.

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The debate as to whether or not to tell your partner about your femme side remains. If you are starting out fresh then tell them as soon as possible. We have a good t-girl  friend who whenever he starts dating tells the new woman in his life about his femme side within a week. The amazing thing is that he has never had a rejection. Brilliant! I on the other hand hid it for the whole of my married life (20 years) and when my wife found out it was not the Tara aspect she found hard to comprehend it was the lying and deceit that had gone on for so long and the resultant death of trust between us. Susie knew me as a Tranny and loves trannies so there is no problem..I think.

My overall concern is that you as a tranny unburdening your feelings onto a most likely unsuspecting partner after years of hiding may make you sleep better at night but what about their feelings. In all likelihood you are going to turn their world upside down and they will not know where to turn. If you are going to do it then have a plan as to how they can be supported, where they can read and the resources at their disposal. I always love suggesting the book Something To Confess By Karen Adler is a good start if you want to let her down gently. Most likely this will cause a rocky part in your relationship, some come through others do not. Only you can decide how important this is to you, but if its just a crafty fag behind the bike shed then let it lie.

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